


The Lion & The Rose

by Sunflower_Nation



Series: The Lion & The Rose | Trilogy [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: A twisted love story, Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety, Badarse!Lena, Badarse!Mon-El, Borderline Personality Disorder, Broken!Kara, But it also is a slow burn kinda, CHAOTIC BURN, Childhood Trauma, Dependancy issues, Drug Use, F/M, From distrust to unhealthy attachment to independence and love, Graphic Violence, Healing, Healing!Kara, Hurt/Comfort, KaraMel, Manipulation, No Aliens, Oh and Mon-El & Lena friendship, PTSD Similarities, Part 1 of 3, Past Abuse, Psychological Conditioning, Psychological Trauma, Rape, Sibling Rivalry, Trilogy, Victim/Rescuer, not a slow burn, past abusive relationship, trigger warning, triggering content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2018-11-05 07:36:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 62
Words: 201,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11008899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunflower_Nation/pseuds/Sunflower_Nation
Summary: The dark world of organized crime, drugs, money, and power. An assassin. And a girl without a heart or a home. Upperclass Criminal AU. A Karamel fic.TLATR Series: Part 1/3





	1. The Houses of Gand and Luthor

**Author's Note:**

> [Chapter Summary: The house of Gand have an alliance with the second most powerful house, The Luthors. Made up of Lillian, (Rhea’s best friend and sometimes business partner, but also competition), and her children Lex and Lena. Lex and Mon-El clash, at least they did before he went to prison, but he has a somewhat competitive ‘friendship’ with Lena. He respects her, because she is ruthless and cunning and an extraordinary thief and manipulator. Occasionally they bump into each other on missions. This is one of those times.]
> 
> A HUGE THANK YOU TO @maybetomorrow who is my support, beta, proof-reader and drinking buddy as I write this. Her help and investment in this rather huge writing project is phenomenal xxxx.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was the perfect night to steal the  _Lumière de Saturne_. The priceless art piece would be celebrated at tonight’s Gala, along with various other gorgeous jewels and paintings. Besides, the Gala would be a marvelous opportunity to have a decent glass of liquor, while continuing to build his thriving reputation for never failing to deliver on a client’s order.  

Mon-El pulled the crisp white cuff down over the last of his showing tattoos, before tucking his glock away and pulling his suit jacket on to float down over the weapon, concealing it. Turning his head slightly to the left, he ran his fingers gently over the thorns inked into the skin near his neck, and huffed. It wouldn’t matter if anyone noticed, not really, he was a _Gand_ , heir to the most powerful house in the region. But there were more than a few snobs that still viewed his artistic markings as heinous and unsavoury, as if belonging to low life criminals, and not the elite he was meant to represent.  

Sitting down on the edge of his bed, Mon-El tucked a sharpened blade into the sole of his perfectly shined shoes, twisting the laces together and noting that this particular pair were still barely worn in. He would much rather be wearing his trusty leather boots and taking his motorcycle… but the occasion called for his appearance to be pristine, and so he obliged, knotting his tie perfectly and then rising to give one last look over himself. Not half bad.

Glancing at his watch, he still had a bit of time left to kill, so wandered over to his oak desk before twisting a small key into the bottom drawer, pulling out a crystal glass and bottle to pour himself a drink.

Gods, some of these people were insufferable idiots. Their lack of cunning made him itch. He could pickpocket every last one of them dry, with nothing but a smile and his charm, and a few words to boost their pompous egos. (Not that he needed to. But that wasn't the point.) Mon-El had an appreciation for the finer things, yes, but he didn’t have a head full of air, like most of the predicable attendees tonight.

Placing the glass to his lips, he savoured the sweet burn against his throat for a moment, before tucking some cash into the inside of his jacket – one never knew if a bribe may become necessary at some point to slip out of a situation, and being one of the richest men in Salvgar did have it’s perks. Returning the liquor to his desk, he dragged his keys to his hand across the wood and tapped his pocket to make sure his invite was inside. Not that he needed that either – a smile in the right person’s direction, a drop of his name, or striking up a chat with the more feared of the mobsters – he could work with whatever the situation gave him. But he rolled his eyes and took it anyway, drifting out to his Mustang and slipping into the drivers side with the distinct voice of his mother looping in the back of his mind…

_“Bring it to me, and don’t let me down. You know how I hate being disappointed…”_

Ugh. It was going to be a long night. But at least there was expensive booze involved…

 

*

 

He was late, of course, not that you could really be late to these events. They were long and dreary and most of these people were insufferable until they were onto at least their second or third glass. First things first… the open bar.

Wandering among women in various shades of black and navy and beige, gold glinting at him and preposterously large diamonds catching in the light, Mon-El made his way over to the heavenly sounds of drinks being poured, and that certain ‘chime’ a pristine glass makes when making contact with another. Before he even got to the counter, a bartender had started making his move, so that the moment Mon-El was within range he could be of prompt service. Ordering a specialty liquor that was lilac and crystal in colour, a beautiful layered drink with just the slightest hint of citrus, he made polite conversation with a few of the women hanging about the bar, pretending to be interested – just to warm up and get his charm going for the night. After his drink, he decided he better gaze over a few of the pieces, to at least know what was here and be able to make intelligent conversation.

About halfway around the beautiful marble floors, adorned with sculptures and paintings and other items he just never understood to be so valuable, Mon-El heard a sweet, yet sultry laugh. He turned to catch a glimpse of red dress between a sea of black suit jackets and champagne glasses. He knew that laugh.

Mon-El wandered over to her, politely placing a hand at her waist as he approached to let her know of his presence, and so that he didn’t get an elbow to the face if he silently appeared next to her and startled her.

“Lena! Fancy seeing you here.” He smiled at her brightly, taking in her plum lipstick and noting she had dressed to impress.

“Michael! I thought you’d have already gapped it with one of the french models from Prague. I mean, isn’t 10pm your limit for putting up with––”

“Introduce me to your new acquaintances here, Lena. I’d hate to be rude and just catch up with my beautiful friend, without even saying hello.” He cut her off, smooth and calm. “Plenty of time for wooing those french models later…” he whispered to her lips as he reached over in front of her for a glass of champagne, using the movement to cover the words. His back was to the men for only for a moment, but that gave him just enough time to keep them out of earshot while giving her a wink, before turning back to face the group. 

Lena cleared her throat. “Of course. Noah… Lorenzo… this is Michael.”

She was ruthless, that Miss Lena Luthor, could woo any man and put him under her spell. And she already had these two under it, clearly, as they shook Mon-El’s hand and greeted him as politely but as swiftly as possible, so they could return their attention back to Lena. Or her low-cut dress, he wasn’t sure. 

They continued to make light conversation about how the business was going, but Luthor-Corp had no intentions of hiring anyone at the moment, flooded with interest from literally anyone that knew dollar signs and the dark net. She somehow managed to brag about how well everything was going without damaging their egos, letting them down gently by clouding her disinterest with the sweet movements of her lips, declining any partnerships or work opportunities for them at this time.

Finally, the conversation moved on to something that perked Mon-El’s ears up – a new drug testing, on the hush of course, that could give a man super-strength and super-speed. But it was still in trials, and of course Noah shouldn’t be sharing this information, (he shouldn’t even know about it…) but told them anyway. Departing it in 'good faith' to the Luthors, and requesting it just stay between ‘good friends.’

In a hopes to get in the good books, no doubt. This guy was so transparent. The Luthors didn’t have friends. They had power. And their alliance with the Gands. Everyone wanted to be them, or with them, and it took everything in Mon-El not to groan at how pathetic these fully grown males were, sucking up to Lena.

After being left to themselves, Mon-El and Lena spoke freely, now that they were alone (well, alone in a sea of uninteresting people). And the Luthor woman just shrugged.

“I assume you are here on Rhea’s request?”

“I’m here for the Lumière de Saturne.” He spoke in a normal tone, and no one would suspect anything of their conversation, busying themselves with their own measly problems and gossip. Whispers only drew attention. But talking normally he found, actually made it easier to share secrets right in front of people.

“Of course you are.” She rolled her eyes.

“Is it too much to ask you go for the string of Fey Diamonds instead? They are wonderful jewels, gloriously expensive. And wouldn’t it be nice to piss off Sharon?“

Lena narrowed her eyes at him. “Not a chance, Mike.”

He shrugged in response. Not expecting her answer to be anything other than a no. The Saturn was worth at least four times as much as the Fey Diamonds. “Didn’t think so. No harm in asking. I mean, it’s fine if you want to disappoint yourself, but I suppose at least you get to enjoy the free champagne.”

“Oh I don’t think it is  _me_ who is going to be disappointed…” She spoke with her usual air of confidence. But it was also an invitation to competition.

“Guess we will find out. I wonder who will get in first?” His grin spread wide, smiling at her. The challenge was on.

“If you get in my way, I’ll rip your throat out.”

“Is that so. ...With this?” He gripped the holster on her thigh, letting her know that he knew EXACTLY where her knife was hidden under that glorious red dress. But it wasn’t... like that. Lena was more like an annoying sister - someone who he both appreciated and respected, but had no interest in taking to bed. That would just be… weird. Their parents were best friends, and had been in the game a long time. They’d played chess together as children, and he always lost to the Luthor girl. 

Sometimes she got in the way, and sometimes she was useful. But mostly he was impressed that she was the only one who could take him on in their industry, and maybe even win. Not that he would ever admit that to anybody, much less her. The competition almost made it a little more enjoyable.

“That’s not the only one I have in my possession, and if you want to keep all of your fingers, I suggest you remove that hand of yours from my thigh.” She was forceful in tone, but the way she had her eyebrows raised and a sparkle of laughter in her eyes told him she was still the same ruthless bitch he remembered. They hadn’t actually seen each other in months. She must have been undercover or on some sly mission she conveniently forgot to tell him about.

His grin widened as he relinquished, knowing her to be telling the truth, and wanting to keep all of his fingers. They had fun flirting, but it was more about the banter than anything. She would never actually plunge a knife into him…

Actually.. he wasn’t completely sure on that one.. she might. But he loved the play and so did she.

“How do you _stand_ these events?” He groaned. "If it wasn’t for this (he held up his glass), I’d be pummeling my head into the wall.”

“Oh come on, you love it! To these people you are a basically a prince.”

“But it's just so… pointless? So.. empty? Just let me disappear and take my bike up the coast in peace. Screw the business.”

Lena just cocked her head sideways, about to tell him he was insufferable while rolling her eyes again, but not before she snapped up straight and her eyes went wide with surprise.

Mon-El’s hand shot out before he could even think, grabbing a hold of the wrist of some fellow who thought it was entirely okay to grip Lena’s ass from behind while they were trying to enjoy their conversation. Snapping the man’s wrist back abruptly, and almost breaking the bone, Mon-El’s eyes flamed as he let go, bringing his chest flush with the loathsome pig who had buckled over in pain, and was now cradling his limp hand.

“I suggest you learn to respect a woman, and never set foot in this establishment ever again.”

Eyes turned towards them, and the male in pain had the balls to spit angry words at him through his clenched teeth. “Who the hell do you think you are?!! You bastard!” 

“Michael. Michael Gand.” He spoke his name calmly and prompt, earning a pair of widened eyes at his name, realizing the young lad in front of him was actually someone who could have him killed. Or do it himself while the man slept.

Mon-El smiled. “I suggest you get that looked at. You may have a sprain.”

The man made a hasty and embarrassed exit from the building, leaving Mon-El and Lena with their drinks.

“Sorry Lena, I know you can handle yourself, but pigs like that just get to m…”

He had turned back to Lena to apologize, only to realize she was no longer in the spot next to him.

_Shit._

_I’m going to lose to that woman. Again_.

 

**

 

 


	2. Daxam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forever thankful for my beautiful Beta and friend @maybetomorrow for all your help. Come see me on sweet-karamel.tumblr for character aesthetics and other shit to do with this project. Peace.

 --

  

His mother, of course, was furious. 

“MON-EL. I SAID TO J’ONN THAT WE’D GET HIM THAT PIECE!” She only ever used his real name when she was upset with him, and he tried not to feel a stab of pain that erupted whenever she was so brutal in her disappointment. It wasn't like he failed her often. It was so rare, it shouldn’t even matter. And it was her best friend that got the piece anyway! 

“I’m sorry, Mother. But why don’t you try negotiating with Lillian? She is your friend after all…”

“UGH. But that would make me look weak! Grovelling for a piece, I have to be happy for her now and pretend like I didn’t want my hands on it. You should have gotten it first!!”

“That was the plan.” He rolled his eyes. It was just one gig. The only one he hadn’t successfully fulfilled in 3 years… (unless Lena stole it out from under him, which he didn’t like to count since a win for Luthor-Corp was _nearly_ a win for his mother. Like a stalemate. It wasn’t a huge deal.

“You have no idea the money we could have made from that one job! Ugh! Go clean yourself up, you’ve got some work to attend to at _Daxam_.” She grumbled at him, snapping her hand in a ‘shoo’ motion, so he took his leave instead of trying to defend his honour. 

Daxam was their exclusive nightclub, the most prestigious, catering to the rich and criminal elite who would drink and scheme and discuss their glorious trades. Art and fine jewellery, weapons, new technology, cybernetics... nano tech that could be controlled with an earpiece. It was a glorious feast of thriving opportunity and luxury. Muscle for hire. Bounty hunters. ...If you needed them, chances are the best were bought and paid for here.

Drugs. Money. Weapons. The only thing they apparently lacked, was offering the more carnal pleasure to their members, something which utterly disgusted Mon-El. They used to, Daxam having women of all kinds cater to their clients in whichever way they pleased. His mother still wasn’t against the idea, but his Father, Lar Gand, had done away with the brothel side of things after Mon-El had convinced him to at just 13.

“It’s bad for business. Fights and mess and we are too prestigious for that bullshit. They can go somewhere else for it, we are too upper class for such things.” That’s what his father had said. But the real reason was much different. A young boy, who asked his father why someone his own age was being kept as a slave to disgusting men, when she clearly didn’t want it, and had no choice in the matter. Mon-El wouldn’t budge, sickened that a pretty girl with blue eyes, that looked to be even younger than him, was forced to ‘service’ men.

“You try to make it sound better by not admitting what it really is! I’ve only seen her once, and she could barely even _walk_. They beat her, and then they fuck her, and then when they are done they throw her on the floor and buy your stupid drinks like nothing is even wrong. It’s DISGUSTING.” He spat at his father, earning him a strike against his cheek.

“You’re no better than them.” Mon-El spat, continuing to stand his ground. And with fire, told his father and that if this was his inheritance, he wanted no part in the family name. Lar’s soft spot for his son had won out in the end, renovating the spaces that were once private rooms, into delicate and exclusive studios, and changing their already hideously expensive club to even finer things. At least, such was the concept, which everyone bought into purely because of the power behind the Gand name. 

Really they were just meeting rooms like any other, gorgeously decorated and with plenty of the most luxurious drinks. But because they were exclusive and far more expensive, they were more sought after, and the private rooms did make excellent spaces for trades and negotiations to take place away from prying eyes. It worked. And the business only grew stronger.

There was still plenty of entertainment – some of which was by no means PG – but it came from the people themselves and their own choices as to what they engaged in while spending their money and time here. Gambling or cards or illicit drug use. There were a few ‘freelancers’ too. None of them were employed by Daxam, but they knew the deep pockets of men, and how to gain their sway. If they wanted to use the power of feminine charm and entice a few men… well.. the richest ones were here, and it was entirely their choice. They could take anyone home they wanted. Heavy PDA was common in a place like this, but if they wanted to fuck, they had to go somewhere else. It was the choice and consent and free will that mattered. And now, Mon-El would shoot anyone onsite that ever took advantage of a 12 year old girl ever again.  

Not just _anyone_ could come into the Gand’s private club either – a rigorous process of membership was in place, protecting the names and people and organizations who chose to gather here. For obvious reasons. Fake names. Fake money. And definitely nothing illegal going on. Only a few freelancers ever made it through the doors, and Mon-El wouldn’t be surprised if they were in some way owned by the Luthors, keeping tabs and spying on clients, making for a glorious source of information that somehow let slip during the unthinking throes of lust. There was plenty of blackmail material around. ...Better that it was in the hands of their ally. 

 So Mon-El made his way over to his private elevator, and up to his office, taking out the bookings and making mental notes of the people his mother needed to impress, and disregarding those she didn’t. He memorized names and aliases and a few of his notes he had made in the margins. Reminding himself of particular drinks he would need to have on hand in a moments notice, or which of his workers should be selected to attend to their needs. He made the mistake of letting one of Rhea’s clients be served by a very handsome young man last week, but for some reason.. she seemed to _hate_ men. He couldn’t really understand it… since they made up half the fricken population. But even with his family name, even _he_ couldn’t even get near the woman without offending her just with his presence. He would need to put Eve on a double shift that night. She was trustworthy and could handle all the bullshit. 

Entering a few details into his phone to keep on hand, his door suddenly swung open, and NO ONE was allowed to just walk into his office. EVER. 

He drew his gun and flicked the safety off in one clean motion, only to be met again by his flaming mother. Twice in one night? Heck, it was only Tuesday and his week was already turning to shit. 

“MICHAEL. Thank the gods! I have an important assignment I need you to handle. You alone. No one else can be trusted.” She seemed genuinely worried, and that was a first. She was THE Rhea Gand. The closest thing to a Queen in this region. 

“Mother?”

“We’ve been betrayed, my son."

 

  
*


	3. The girl without a heart or a home.

\-- 

He could hear breathing, short and shallow, and immediately backed silently into the wall, his finger on the trigger. Mon-El didn’t understand… there was only meant to be one target, the man with a bullet hole clean through his head that was now out of view, laying in a pool of blood seeping into the carpet. He heard it again, quiet breathing, and Mon-El wished for a moment he had super-hearing so that he could pinpoint the location of its owner. But with such keen senses, he would just have to make do and try hone in on the sound. 

Keeping his body covered with the wall at his back, Mon-El peered around the corner, only just edging out from its protection, but the room was empty, and he was confused, studying the shattered glass on the floor and the clean hit laying with a perfect shot through his skull. It was hard to see, but a soft glow was slipping through the broken window from a distant street lamp, just enough for his tuned eyes to scan most of the room, just not all the way round the corner.

The target was meant to be alone. If he wasn’t, Mon-El needed to get out of here –  _immediately,_ before he was caught. Some more light would help, but now that he knew a potential threat was looming, Mon-El couldn’t risk giving up his location.

After moments of deliberating, he decided risk was the only option... He needed to get the files and just get out. The files were stolen from his mother by one of _her_ men, one who apparently didn’t understand the concept of loyalty. This RAT should have known better than to accept a good price from one of their enemies, earning a quick death for his betrayal, having taken some of the Gand’s more unsavoury records. Enough to put the entire Gand and Luthor families under actually. Life in prison. Mon-El wasn’t about to join Lex in a hole. But that’s what was in the cards if he didn’t get these stupid files and get the hell out of here. 

_Screw it._

Keeping his gun at the ready, Mon-El bolted out into the open ready to shoot.

Nothing? He waited, finger tense on the trigger… Why wasn’t his assailant taking a shot? He was out in the open!

Mon-El moved quickly to the desk on the far side of the room and broke the lock roughly, ripping the drawer open and scouring it for the files – files which would be in a folder with their house crest – A lion with a rose and thorns. Flicking though, he saw two manila folders with their mark, and decided to just take everything, dumping them all in his bag. He could sort through them later. A clinking metal sound made him whip around, and in the low light he could make out the glint of a thick chain. 

Following the links, it seemed to be attached to the solid frame of the bed, and then running underneath it. _What the hell?_

He slung his bag over his shoulder, before bending down, expecting to see a scared dog, probably a Rottweiler or some shit, which would explain the noises and breathing.

_Holy shit_. 

It was.. a  _girl._

The thick chain ran its way up to a metal collar around her neck, and she was shaking, terrified. As far as he could tell in the low light, a sickly orange glow coming through the window slightly, she had mousy brown hair, long and tangled, and… wasn’t wearing any clothing. He couldn’t make out much, but her frame was thin, enough that she would probably break if he simply touched her.

He should just put her out of her misery. She had seen him now, and by the look of her, it wouldn’t take much for her to give him up. He was a _Gand_ , everyone knew exactly who he was, easily identifiable and not having the luxury of taking chances with anyone who saw him in the home of an enemy. He would just have to shoot her. 

She was a mess, quivering and weak and trying to make herself as small as possible while cowering under the bed. She wouldn’t even know. It would be quick. Painless. And the easiest way to cover his tracks. Michael Gand was ruthless, a killer... Why should this bother him?

He knew why it bothered him. He hated men who took advantage of women, using them for their own sick pleasure. It made his blood boil. But there was nothing he could do right now, as he was under strict orders from Rhea – Get the files. Shoot to kill. No trail. Get out.  _Fuck_. He could picture his mother's steely glare and her flaming orders. She was a dragon that woman, but he was under her thumb, and always had been.

_Dammit, Mon-El. Just fucking shoot her. You don’t have time for this._ He argued with his conscience. But he shouldn’t even HAVE a conscience. He was a GAND. 

He sighed, and then spoke gently, inwardly kicking himself for his weakness.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?”

…

“Look, I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t get caught in this man’s place. So either you tell me your name and come out, or I’m going to have to shoot you. Like I just shot him. Did he do this to you? Because he can’t hurt you anymore….he’s dead.” He spoke more roughly and matter of fact this time, growing impatient with every lost second.

…

He couldn’t exactly drag her out. But it would be easier for him to shoot her if she was calm and still, silently putting it against her head so she didn’t know it was happening when he shot her. At least then she wouldn’t die in fear and hurt. For a moment she would feel safe before he did it.

“K…k…” She had started to weakly speak, he was sure of it.

“Hey… you’re okay… it might be easier if you come out from under there, yeah? So I can hear you..” He sweetened his voice, hoping this would work.

“K… Ka…ra. M…my…name.” She spoke with every word a shaking syllable, but she had said it. She had actually said it. She wanted to _live_.

_Frick._

“I won’t hurt you, Kara. Come on... Let me take you some place safe.” He didn’t really mean it. But it would make his life easier knowing she felt calm when he did it. That and seeing her fully. He wasn’t going to shoot someone while their back was turned and he didn’t have to look them in the eyes and know the life he’d taken. If he was going to be responsible for her death, he was going to have to look at her directly, and know for sure he could live with himself. He wasn’t a coward, and had his own sort of... code. He was ruthless, yes, but his standards, the ones hidden in his darkened heart... he kept them. Always.

The girl began to shuffle towards him, and when she was within reach he hauled her out into the light, seeing dark purple blooming under her skin across her cheekbones, her arms, and her ribs. She had cuts along her back, some of them deep, and some of them looking more like marks from a blunt object. She was horribly thin, weakly shaking in his grip and she couldn’t stand upright when he pulled her onto her feet. Her skin was white, as if she had never seen sunlight in her life. 

Gods, she was a _wreck_.  

The chain around her neck was weighing her down so much that she whimpered, wanting to return to the safety of the floor. Mon-El was so shocked he let her go, stunned momentarily and letting her return to her knees to crawl into a timid ball, holding herself together at the sides of legs. She was still bleeding, one of the gashes on her shoulder blade barely hours old, and so large it made him sick. She continued to shake, not knowing what her fate would be at the hands of this stranger.

Mon-El crouched down next to her and put a hand against her hair, attempting to be calming, but she flinched at his touch, turning suddenly. Her eyes were wide with fear, but when they locked with his, a deep comet blue, and piercing right through his heart…

_Fuck._

He couldn’t do it. His heart had briefly stopped in his chest and he knew in that moment he couldn’t. She was so... broken. But there was still the thinest glimmer of light behind her eyes, seeing right into his soul. There was something so…

“Dammit. Hold still.” He fished around in his pocket for something he could pick the lock with, managing to get that THING off her neck in mere seconds. He lifted her up and sat her down on the edge of the bed, rushing to the closet and pulling out a sweatshirt.  It was large, built for the bulky male still bleeding into the carpet nearby. Mon-El pulled it over her head and she didn’t shift or make a fuss, just allowing her body to be moved about by his every whim, as he tucked her arms into it and let it fall over her frame. She was so thin it fell down nearly to her knees, covering her enough that he could now bend down to be eye level with her, looking at her dead serious.

“Kara. My name is Mon-El. But it's very important that you don’t share that with anyone, okay? No one calls me Mon-El, except sometimes my mother… but I tell you this because I want you to trust me. I want to help you leave this place.” He took a breath, considering what he was about to do. 

"I’m not… a good person. I'm not _bad_ , like him… (he wavered somewhat to the body on the floor)… but my life. It’s... not exactly… admirable, what I do. I’m sure you’ve already realized that. And if you alert anyone to my presence, or screw up, or scream, I will shoot you in the head. Do you understand?"

She nodded weakly.

“Good. Now can you walk?”

She didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to upset him, so she tried to stand, falling into him and Mon-El caught her weight – which wasn’t much – as it collapsed into his chest.

Mon-El huffed, forced to fling his bag over his shoulder and scoop her up, noting how light she really was. Making his way over to the door, he heard voices down the stairs and his eyes went wide, backing up and closing it, locking it to give him some more time.

_Shit._

He made his way to the window, crunching over the glass and setting her back down on the bed for a moment to knock the rest of the window out with his covered elbow. It fell on grass, thankfully, not making much sound. If it was just him, he could easily have jumped down the one level and landed on his feet, but with the extra? For fucks sake. What was he even doing? 

Sliding his arms underneath her knees and torso, he pulled her up into his arms, and used his muscular thighs to propel him and the girl up onto the frame of the large window. “Its not far, but this might hurt a little bit.” He warned her before he jumped, trying to absorb as much of the impact with his knees before falling. Her weight banged into his chest and stomach, winding him. This was turning into SUCH a shit night.

Mon-El rolled her off him onto the ground softly, making a ‘shhhh’ gesture over his lips. Looking around quickly with his hands free to reach for his gun if he needed to, he decided they were unseen, picking up the fallen bag, before lifting her up again to rush them over to a gap in the fence. Passing under a street lamp, she screwed her eyes tightly shut at the light, and Mon-El fumbled around blindly at his back pocket to push the button on his keys to unlock his Mustang.

“These seats are new!” He groaned to the sky, before placing the woman in his arms in the passenger side, and swinging the bag over into the back seat. He rushed around to the driver's door just as he heard commotion start in the house, as more lights switched on and shouting begin to start.

“Time to go then.” He announced, his car roaring to life as he put it in gear and pulled a u-turn, driving his newly unwelcome guest and his mother’s cherished files back to his place.

————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @maybetomorrow. My beautiful Beta. xo Let me know what you think in the comments. 
> 
> Peace.


	4. The girl without a heart or a home II.

\--

 

He tipped her head back and poured warm clean water down her hair.  It came up golden, the brown being actually a collection of dirt and blood matted into it. The foam which had turned thick in Mon-El's hands, washed out to reveal her long hair was actually… _blonde_. She just sat. Completely still. Moving her chin when he tipped or tilted it, allowing him to adjust her however which way made it easier for him to work, and moving forward when he adjusted her shoulders, so that he could run the cloth down her back. 

He tried to be gentle, but the skin was mangled, a deep gash over her shoulder blade, a long slit at her mid back, and three large bruises billowing out from her lower left side. Other cuts seemed to wrap around her at her ribs, disappearing out of sight underneath her arm. Mon-El put a hand to the bridge of his nose, pinching it and trying not to imagine how all these horrible marks had been made on her body.

She didn’t flinch or wince when he glided the cloth over one of them, so he continued to clean it out. And she was as stone. Completely at his mercy, and not moving other than small breaths making her shoulders rise and fall slightly. Not willing to engage. Not willing to stir or make a fuss. She just sat in the bath watching the water turn to a dull greyish red while ignoring the bubbles and Mon-El’s movements. Only her breathing and blinking signaled to Mon-El that she was even alive.

The deeper cut _did_ make her wince, flinching under a small stroke. 

“Sorry.” He whispered to her ear gently, unaware his warm breath next to her skin made her shrivel even deeper inside herself.

She didn’t seem to want to move a muscle, so Mon-El drifted over to the side of the tub and sat cross legged on the cold tiles, lifting one of her hands out of the water to clean the dirt from around her nails, and then letting it go, watching it disappear through the foam back into the water. He made a flicking motion with his fingers for her to bring the one over to him, and she silently obliged. Dragging it from the far side to him so he could reach it, she continued to stare straight ahead the entire time, ignoring him.  

Kara's arm was crossed over her body for only a few moments as he soothed over her wrist, turning her palm up and swiping upward towards her elbow with the cloth, before he released her once more.

“I’ve… uhm. Done what I can. Sorry I’m not really comfortable with… the rest.” He awkwardly alluded to having finished cleaning her up best he could. “You should be good now though, I think that's most of it.” He shrugged, and put both hands on the side of the bath to push himself up, scowling when he reached for a towel from the cabinet and it was empty.

“Fuck. I’ll go get a towel for you. Just a sec.” He huffed and wandered out of his ensuite, whisking down the hall to open the linen cupboard. Pulling out a soft wine coloured towel, he realized the shade was too close to blood and the water he’s just seen, so stuffed it back and grabbed a pale blue one out instead.

Walking back, he wondered what on Earth he was going to give her to wear, stopping on the way to grab one of his shirts from a drawer, and slinging it over his shoulder as he reached the bathroom door.

He looked up, and she was underwater. Trying to _drown herself_ _._

_“_ Shit. _”_

Mon-El launched himself at the tub, dropping the towel and any thoughts that were in his mind to grip her shoulders tightly and pull her swiftly up through the surface, water dripping off her as she came back up to a sitting position. “Fucking HELL Kara!” Mon-El panted, barely aware that he had just splashed himself and drenched the front of his shirt.

She didn’t look at him, her head down and silently avoiding his gaze, staring at the water rippling up the edges of the bath in small waves. 

“I didn’t save your arse just so you could _kill yourself!_ _”_ He didn’t mean to growl at her, but the tension in his fight-or-flight reaction spilled over into his voice.

“So. Why’d you do it?” She mumbled, so quietly the words mushed together, but it was as if she just didn’t give a shit anymore, and had nothing to lose by challenging him.

Mon-El was taken aback by the question, not knowing why he really did it… bringing her back to his home… when it would have been far less complicated to just put a bullet in her brain.

“I don’t know…” He admitted. Honestly he didn’t, he just… couldn’t help himself?

“You’re like _him_.” She muttered.

“I AM _NOT_ LIKE THAT SICK BASTARD.” He growled again. His anger was usually something he was good at controlling, channelling it, into kills or motivation for his long and manipulative schemes. But this girl, she was doing something to him. And he didn’t like it. He forced himself to apologize for his outburst.

“I’m sorry. I’m not… _good,_ you’re right about that. You’ve seen I have weapons and killed a man and stole back some things that were actually mine to begin with. And… I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you. I’m sorry if that scared you. I just… you nearly gave me a _heart attack_ Kara, I turn my back for one second and…” He shook his head, not even wanting to finish the sentence. She had barely been in his life more than an hour and she was already doing something to him. He couldn’t control it. He needed to shake whatever this was off of him. Shit.

“But, I’m NOT like him. I would never hurt you, not intentionally, and I would never take advantage of a woman.”

She just chewed on her lower lip nervously in response, not sure if she believed him.

And then somehow, she was wrapped in a towel sitting in a chair, and he was blowdrying her long locks as she slumped back into it. He was thankful that Lena had left some of her chicks stuff in the spare room she used to occupy, often when escaping their disastrous mothers. And then he was handing her one of his shirts, and it was all very strange.

"Sorry, I’ll go have a look in the guest room and see if Lena has left some clothes here. Don’t… well… _you know."_

He popped into the guest room, which should have some of Lena’s things strewn about that she had left or forgotten. Opening a drawer, he rolled his eyes. Knives, a spare gun, bullets, and a few golden bracelets. Trying another, he was met with some of her workout gear, which consisted of a loose crop top that wouldn’t even cover her stomach, some tight black leggings that were far too spandex to be comfortable, and bright pink socks. There were some booty shorts that could work for sleepwear though… Kara would fit them, and at least then she wouldn’t have to entirely be wearing his clothes.

_For fucks sake, Lena. You couldn’t leave something useful?  
_  
The next one had a golden sparkled dress neatly folded, a tiny black skirt, and… _oh thank the gods…_ _lingerie_. The drawer must have been allocated for some of Lena's evening wear, clearly for going out, and the garments were way too lacy to be appropriate, but it was all he had to go with. He face palmed, hearing his hand make contact with his forehead before sucking it up and pulling out the clothing, hoping that Kara wouldn’t think he was being suggestive.

When he got back to his room, she was sitting perched on the edge of his bed wearing his shirt, one that fell down to mid thigh, and he tried not to feel a small flip in his stomach. _What the heck was that about. Get it together._ She was gripping at the edges for support as if she could fall forward at any moment, and it reminded him of a time in his life he could barely walk after a beating either. But he shook his head. That was a long time ago, and he didn’t need to think about it. 

“Sorry, this was all I could find. Lena has her own place now, and hasn’t left much of her stuff lying around. I guess I’ll have to go out and grab some proper clothes for you in the morning.”

Lena was older than Mon-El, but he managed to get his own place before she did. Constantly having fights with Rhea, he convinced her that bringing girls home to their utter palace of a house wasn't the best look in front of her guests or clients, and that a man needs his own space. Rhea begrudgingly saw the merits of Mon-El moving out on his own at 17, but still likes to keep him under her thumb, so he got a decent place not too far away from the family house and his responsibilities.  

Lena used the guest room at his place on occasion, when heated arguments or fights with her mother, Lillian, turned sour. Lena at least had a place to escape, and their mothers could bicker to one another about their rebellious children while the teenagers drank wine and cleaned their weapons. Family dynamics were tense for both families, but it somehow worked.

Mon-El sighed. He wished he could tell Lena what a stupid thing he had done, and then have someone at least FEMALE help him out with the shit he’d gotten himself into. But it was his burden to bear. And if his suspicions were correct, Rhea would kill him for such a screw up if either of the Luthor or Gand women found out what he’d done. 

No... She would kill Kara first. Then kill him.

 

*

 

He pulled Kara up into his arms once more, and she draped an arm around the back of his neck while he carried her to her room. Not her room, the guest room. Whatever. He could feel her gaze staring at his face while he focused on walking down the hall, and it was burning a hole in his jaw. He kept look straight ahead, but called her out on it.

“What?”

…  

She didn’t answer, and he felt her look down towards the hand in her lap, fiddling with the fabric of her shirt.

Arranging her on the bed, Mon-El felt her grip loosen, and she tried not to grunt in pain from the slight pressure against her damaged back.

“Uhm. I know it's really late… but I think you should probably eat something. Just um... to rebuild your strength. I’ll just go grab something for you.” He was about to tell her to ‘wait here’, but what was the point? She couldn’t walk on her own yet. Ugh. The thought made his gut twist a little.

Finding himself in the kitchen, Mon-El cut up bits of fruit into small pieces and…aha! ..found some chocolate biscuits in the top of the pantry. Stashed for the sweet tooth monster that crept up on him from time to time, he pulled them down, resisting the urge to tear the packet open and eat them himself. A bit of sugar would do her good. 

He would have to do some shopping. His fridge contained mostly beer, and there was some cold pizza that didn’t look like it was at all edible. That was fine. He ate out a lot. Brie? Fruit and biscuits would have to do for now. There was some juice as well which could work. Water was probably better for now though.

He balanced the plate in one hand, holding a glass of water in the other, and took it back to his unexpected guest… who seemed to have fallen in love with a pillow in under four minutes. She was clutching it to her chest while laying on her side, still on top of the covers, and her shirt had come up a bit to reveal way too much of her thighs. Mon-El would probably have thought some very male thoughts, if it wasn’t for the fact that somehow, she managed to have thick scars running up her thighs towards her hip. Thankfully they were healed, but any chance of inappropriate thoughts were promptly drowned in murderous rage, as Mon-El suddenly wished that he hadn’t killed her abuser with such a clean shot. He deserved far worse.

He sighed again. “Kara?”

She managed to sit up, eyeing the plate suspiciously.

“It's not much, but… getting some energy in you would be good.” He motioned to the plate and passed her the water, which she downed in seconds. She wouldn’t touch the food, even though she glanced at it from time to time, so he playfully took a biscuit and started to munch on it.

“Come on… you like chocolate right?” He waved it at her before popping it in his mouth messily. He took a strawberry too.. which were expensive this time of year, but he enjoyed them. There were certainly perks to endless money.

Shoving the plate closer to her, he found it a victory when she finally picked up a piece of banana and chewed on it slowly. Her hand went up to the bruises around her neck when she swallowed, and he realized something as simple as this still caused her pain. She seemed to like it though, eating another few pieces of fruit before being daring enough to reach for the chocolate covered things Mon-El was eating in droves. He looked down and half the packet was gone. Did he do that?

They continued to munch quietly until the packet was fully devoured, and only one last strawberry was left. She didn’t know if it was okay to take the last one. “Go on. And then we can sleep. I need to do some shopping in the morning and I still don’t know what the hell I’m going to do with you when I wake up.” He didn’t mean that last part to be said out loud, or come out quite like that. The fear in her swelled, and she gripped her clothing, biting her lip and averting her gaze.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I'm not going to _do_ anything with you, or to you. I just mean… I want… to.. help you. And I don’t know how that’s going to work yet. I have lots of business to attend to and secrets to keep from people and this is now one of them.” He couldn’t believe he was admitting this out loud. Was he high? Just tired? He really needed to sleep.

“I hope you understand Kara. I don’t want to hurt you. Please treat this house as your own. Except my study… that area is off limits. But anywhere else, and everything else, it’s yours. That means you can sleep here, in peace. No one will hurt you, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.”

Mon-El flicked the light off, but left the one in the hall on so she wasn’t completely in darkness, and so she could find the bathroom if she needed it. Checking his doors were locked and security systems in place, he FINALLY got to drag his shoes off his feet, and lock the files away in the bottom drawer of his desk (maybe taking a quick swig of scotch straight from the bottle…), and then crawl into bed. He would have contemplated all the bullshit that just happened, but he was too exhausted to even think, and drifted off the moment his head hit the pillow.

 

*

 

Bolting up, his knife came against the person’s throat that was far too close to his bedside when he awoke in darkness.

She barely flinched, although her shoulders tensed and her eyes shut.

“SHIT KARA. You startled me.” _UGH. WHAT DID SHE WANT. LET ME SLEEP._

“Bathroom.”

“You don’t need my permission to go to the bathroom, Kara. Just go.” He waved his hand dismissively at her, hoping she saw the annoyed gesture in the mostly dark room.

He heard her stumble weakly over to HIS bathroom, which to be fair was the one she was familiar with, having been in his tub earlier, but it wasn’t the right one dammit! He groaned and rolled his face into his pillow, before he heard her vomiting and bolted straight out of bed. She was kneeling at the bowl and anything she had consumed earlier just came straight back up, her body not used to processing food.

_Shit._

Mon-El bent down behind her and held her hair back, pressing his lips into a tight line, and trying not to let his heart crack hearing her already broken body making sounds of rejection and sickness.  He suddenly felt bad for thinking her a nuisance. She was so damaged, and HE was the one that signed up for this. Why he did that he had no fucking idea.  

Her movements slowed down after a time and she began to slump forward, nearly knocking her head on the way down. He made sure to guide her gently away from injuring herself further, and she collapsed into him. 

She clung to him weakly, like her life depended on it, and they both just sat on the cold tiled floors for a while.

 

***

 

 


	5. Day.

UGH. It was  _morning_. His eyelids felt heavy and his shoulders were basically leaden weights trying to keep him in bed. But there was so much shit to do today, that he couldn’t avoid it any longer than two minutes before dragging his sorry arse out of bed and having a quick shower to wake up. 

Mon-El promptly washed his hair, any traces of dirt or blood off his body, and rubbed a pale bar of soap down the tattoos on his arm, stopping for a moment to look at one in particular hidden among his full sleeve. It was a crescent moon, and Lena had the same one. 

He should tell her. He didn’t like keeping things from her...  

But he couldn’t... this? She wouldn’t understand. Heck, even HE didn’t understand. How was he going to explain something to Lena if he couldn’t even wrap his  _own_  head around it? No. It wasn't happening... she would gut him or knock some sense into him and he didn't know if he wanted that… He needed time to gather his thoughts and at least have _some_ idea of what the heck he was going to do with the random broken girl staying in his guest room. 

Mon-El tried not to think about the way his heart felt slightly crushed this morning, compressing and then releasing. Restricting and then easing. Every time he though of Kara and how the treatment she received seemed to have been so severe and inhumane… it made something twist in his gut and he was trying not to care. But… he was deeply troubled by it. Who would destroy someone with such a beautiful soul?

How the fuck did he even know her soul was beautiful? UGH.  

He scrubbed till his fingers were raw, taking out his frustration in the slight sting and ferocious movements, before shutting the water off and drying quickly. He pulled on some crisp attire for the day, placed his trusty leather boots by his desk (so he wouldn’t forget Rhea’s files when he went to leave), and then took a deep breath to prepare himself to face the woman he had impulsively brought home with him. (Idiot.) 

And he was going to need to call one of his men, someone who could attend to her medically and check her over today, just in case Kara needed a little extra care than he could give her. She could have a broken wrist or internal bleeding and he wouldn’t really even know unless he was given a bit of medical advice. 

Mon-El gripped his hair running his hands through it roughly, knowing it was going to be a stretch to keep this from Rhea. He would have to use one of his own guys instead… someone not under his mother – which would be bloody expensive – but it’s not like he had a choice at this point. He just had to deal with some stuff first and run errands this morning. Then he would deal with the inevitable.

Knocking to signal his presence, Mon-El entered the guest room to find the bed Kara was suppose to be occupying completely empty. He groaned, bringing up a hand to rub his temples. He wasn’t even surprised. Of _course_ she wouldn’t stay, she probably though he would kill her or something, except... she was suppose to be weak, and the window was shut and the pillow gone.

Suddenly putting the details together, Mon-El walked over to the bed and crouched down, peering underneath it. Sure enough, Kara was laying on her side, clutching the pillow to her chest.

“Kara? Are you awake? 'Cause I was gonna make us some breakfast before I go out to take care of some things. You are welcome to join me to eat something. I’ll try keep it light? Something you can keep down?”

She ignored him, so he got up and left Kara to herself. He wasn’t going to force anything, since she seemed to have been forced to do things her entire life. If she was more comfortable on the floor for the time being, he would just leave her there. She was allowed to make her own choices now.

Preparing breakfast, he was more careful this time, not giving her anything processed. He only had one banana left, so cut it up for her while making himself a coffee and dragging out the old pizza to pop it in the microwave for himself. No one would know it was old – there wasn’t anybody here to judge him, so he shrugged, giving it one last inspection before placing the ham and pineapple piece in his mouth. 

Another glass of water for Kara, and a pear from the bowl in case he didn’t get back for a while, were added to a tray before he floated back to her room. 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, but it's probably better if you rest today anyway. We were both awake far too late last night. If you need anything at all, help yourself. But don’t answer the door. No one knows you are here, and it needs to stay that way.” He hopes she understands, but is pretty sure she does and is just timid. Understandably so.

“Water and breakfast here when you are ready.” Mon-El placed the tray in easy reach on the floor, trying not to feel bad that he feels like he’s feeding a sick pup by doing that. It would be easier for her, that’s all. “I’ll be back soon okay?” He left her door open a little, so she knew she wasn’t a prisoner, and if she found the strength, was allowed to wander about the house. 

 

* 

 

His first and most important task was meeting with his mother. He might even get a few days off for this shit. Parking his car out front and straightening his jacket, Mon-El took the stairs two at a time to the large front door, and confidently entered like he was the most important person to walk the earth. 

He could hear arguing coming from the front garden, so drifted straight past the marble staircase towards the courtyard, and upon finding his mother, saw she was on the phone – coffee in hand, with two guards nearby looking weary and disinterested. Mon-El tapped his bag and she waved them off, watching as they wandered further away to light up a cigarette each and leave Mon-El and Rhea in private. 

“I’ve got to call you back. Yes I KNOW how important this is to you but I have other business that is also very pressing. I’ll get it for you. It’s just a small delay. Be in touch soon.” She spoke into the phone fiercely before placing it on the glass of the table and looking brightly and expectantly at her favourite son. 

“Michael, you absolute treasure!” She was uncharacteristically pleasant as she watched him take out the files. 

“Any problems?” She enquired. 

“None at all, Mother. Clean kill. Fairly easy. Done and dusted.” He shrugged at her, effortlessly lying and keen to get onto the long list of other things he needed to take care of today. 

“Brilliant! Lillian will be so pleased."

“I think we are all relieved.” His father Lar, had stepped into the courtyard with them, speaking confidently to them both. “Well done my son. Loyalty is the crown of our house. You’ve done well to eliminate the threat."

Mon-El nodded in response, before turning on his heel to leave. And get away from his parents as quickly as possible. “Well, I have business to attend to. Mother. Father.” He politely excused himself, making his way back through the house and into the sweet and lonesome solace of his Mustang.  

* 

“Eve. I need you to work a few double shifts in a few weeks.. its a Friday and Saturday – well compensated, of course. Time and a half, plus a bonus.”

“Sure.” She was restocking bottles behind the bar when he found her. 

“You’ll be working the floor, but mainly, I need you to take care of someone important. Her name is Roulette.”

“Please tell me you are joking.” She gave him a look of displeasure, halting briefly but then continued to arrange the liqueurs and newly clean glasses. 

“Oh good, so you are acquainted with her. Nothing to worry about, it’s  _men_  she seems to have a problem with. However that’s not the point. I need you to look after her every need. Everyone else comes second.”

“Preferences?”

“Other than the one I just mentioned, here’s a list.”

“Oh she gets a list! So she is one of  _those_. In that case, I want triple.” Eve placed down the glass and let her hand settle on her tiny hips, thrumming her side with her fingers. 

“Excuse me?”

“Come on… you're gonna let one of your other little minions look after a Dragon?” She was gesturing vaguely, but the cocky little thing somehow knew he would have to cave. It’s kind of why he kept her around – she was intelligent and bold and unafraid. And she was fun, she kept everyone at Daxam happy. 

“FINE. Triple. But it  _better_ be worth it.” Mon-El narrowed his eyes at her, but Eve merely smiled and tilted her shoulder in her sarcastic sort of way.

“I’ll be taking that.” She swiped the list from his hand with a grin, and Mon-El watched her drift off with his paper and a very unreasonable salary for her weekend shifts. 

He needed things to go smoothly, more so now that he had other screw ups to manage – he couldn’t have extra shit to deal with coming from Daxam with all that was currently needing his attention. 

*

It was 11am, and to be honest, he had NO IDEA what he was doing, or what Kara liked, but he could get her anything and everything... and so he did. 

Mon-El brought his glasses down in an attempt to keep anyone from recognizing him as he entered a rather grand store, one which Lena had used to drool about, and he nearly laughed when he saw more than a few things that bitch would have adored. Maybe he could send her a gift while he was here… it wasn’t like he was in chicks' stores very often. 

One of the workers who was smart enough to know dollar signs when Mon-El cruised in, approached him eagerly to be of assistance. 

“Anything I can help you with, sir?”

“Actually, yes. My uhm... girlfriend, is in need of a new wardrobe. She uh... her house... burned down. Lost the lot.”

“Oh how horrible.” She tried to sound sympathetic, and mostly did, but she was too eager, knowing he was literally going to be her best customer this entire month. 

“Yeah. So. All the basics? And just a few pieces of evening wear.”

“Colour preferences? Size? Style?” 

“Uhm. She’s blonde. Thin. Very pale skin. But beautiful blue eyes. Can you work with that?”

“Of course.” The woman motioned to one of her colleagues, giving them instructions while Mon-El browsed the store at his own leisure and left her to do her thing. 

There were these red jeans which he couldn’t help himself but get, knowing how killer Kara would look on the back of his bike in them. He grabbed a black leather jacket too, one that would be good for riding. Not that she was going to be staying with him that long. Whatever. He could always train her in his lifestyle, and if he did, there was no harm in saving them for her.

The lovely shop assistant had selected a whole lot of garments, doing well with his vague instructions. She flitted around the store gracefully, and seemed to know what she was doing.  “Cup size?” She asked as she past him again, trotting past with a pair of heels in hand and a trainee in tow. 

“B." He guessed, not really sure, but he had to play the part of ‘boyfriend’ for the next 20 minutes, and stalling on that question wouldn’t be a good look. Plus, he knew she was smaller than Lena. …Oh gods, did he really know Lena’s bra size? That’s embarrassing. 

Boredom was setting in by the time she had finished her rather large but beautiful selection. Oh, this girl was good. She had picked out a range of lovely tops that could be both dressed up for formal attire or down for casual wear. A delicate blouse and jeans and pencil skirts.... It was all the right mix of classy and feminine, and the assistant had skipped over some of the more… sexy stuff… stuff that Lena would wear out. 

“I'm not sure about her preferences, but from how you describe her, these colours and styles will be the most versatile. I chucked in a floral dress just for the hell of it. But mostly neutral tones and colours that will bring out the blue in her eyes. Is that okay?"

“Perfect.” He nodded politely and she passed the garments to an employee that took the items to the counter.

“It’s also starting to get cold out, so these will be warm, but still formal enough to be worn out with those skirts. Or just chucked on with jeans at home – whatever you want really… and this one is a store favourite. It's cashmere, gloriously soft.”

He didn’t even manage to get a word in as she explained her choices and then continued, gesturing for Mon-El to follow. 

"Now evening wear I should probably get your approval on. You seem to need something for formal events, is that right? I can tell by your lovely jacket." 

He looked down at his suit jacket, noting he was wearing  _Valentino_ , since he was going to see his mother this morning. And she was correct. She guided him to a section that had long dresses, much like the ones he saw people wearing at the Gala the other night.

“I recommend that navy blue one there, the red, and the black. A girl’s always got to have a little black dress.” She looked to him for approval, but was fairly confident in her selections. 

“Yup, those are great. And just… that one there too." He pointed to a beautiful garment unlike anything he’d ever seen.”

“Oh, look at you! That’s from our new collection. Good eye. It’s expensive though?”

He just raised his brows at her and she got the point.

“Right. Unlimited budget. Got it.”

"And… also, that one there. I might as well get that for my...  _sister_ … while I’m here.” He pointed to a dress that was a little more daring. One which would be his gift to Lena.

The assistant cocked her head sideways in question, and Mon-El held in a chuckle. 

“She’s a bit of a showoff. Don’t worry, she will love it.” 

The red-haired girl smiled and got everything he needed. Plus a few extra things that he wasn’t sure if he was paying for or were complimentary for being such a good customer… but he didn’t really care. Chicks needed chick stuff… whatever. He gets it. 

When everything was boxed up and bagged, Mon-El left a tip for the woman, handing her the cash directly for her help, and was also generous to the male that popped the hideous amount of stuff in his vehicle for him. 

“For your help.” Mon-El nodded politely, and walked among the buzz of traffic to open his door and duck in his car for what seemed liked the millionth time today. 

Glancing at his watch, he realized it was just past midday, and that he REALLY should be getting back to Kara. 

 

*

 

Mon-El set a whole lot of bags down next to her door, going for the ‘everything in one trip’ challenge and nearly stumbling into the wall. Peering through her doorway, she had moved to the top of the bed to rest above the covers, and at least was no longer underneath the bed cowering away. Her toes were bathed in sunlight, the afternoon sun coming through the window, and soft breaths were leaving her sleeping form.

Good, she was resting. He leaned against the doorway for a moment with his arms crossed and just watched her, taking in the soft lines of her face. She seemed to be peaceful while asleep. He was glad she wasn’t being haunted by loathsome dreams. 

Deciding he would just have to surprise her later, Mon-El took out the large white box from amongst all of Kara’s items and walked into his room, placing it down on his desk while reaching for his trusty bottom drawer. Tipping the golden drink into a glass and then chucking it back, the warm sultry liquid burned his throat in the most satisfying way, familiar and strong. He left the bottle out, moving it a little to give himself room to scrawl Lena’s address on a label, since the packaging was sturdy enough that he could just slap it straight on and send it to her.

Opening the box holding the dress, the bodice was shimmering silver, pulling inwards and high around the neck, and the skirt was a stunning royal blue. The back was hugely revealing, curving like a silken waterfall (and far lower than most dresses) …but it was a classy gift. Not  _too_  sexy - but regal and gorgeous, just like she was. And with enough skin exposed to still be enticing to her targets, of course. He cut the tags off and then returned the dress to it’s neatly folded state, and wrote a quick note for her. He thought about writing something nice, but that would take effort. 

 _“You’re such a bitch, Lena, but at least you look good while being one.”_  A satisfied smirk graced his lips as he placed the note inside and then closed the box securely, before smoothing the label on and pouring another scotch, kicking his boots off to make a call...  
  


\- - - _Calling_ **COLE**  - - - 

“Dr. Rosenburg speaking.”

“Cole. It’s Michael.” 

“Mr. Gand. What can I do for you Sir?” 

“I need to book an appointment. Absolutely discreet, you understand? 

“Of course. May I ask what condition you are in? 

“It’s not me. Not this time. The patient is… wounded and malnourished. As far as I can tell, she has been abused for a long while. Beaten with a variety of objects both leaving blunt force injuries and a variety of cuts plus some deeper gashes that may need stitches. I need you to check her over, give me any recommendations for treatment you may have, and make sure I haven’t missed anything important, say internal bleeding or signs of infection.

“ _She_ you say.”

“She’s not MINE if that is what you are implying, and I highly suggest you keep your curiosity at bay, Dr Rosenburg.”

“Right, of course, Sir. I do have other clients today… but I suppose you would like me to attend to her as soon as possible?”

“I pay you well, Cole. And there’s a reason you got to keep your license to practice, not to mention your son got to avoid life imprisonment. You work for me, you hear? As soon as possible. My East Coast home. And Cole?”

“Yes?"

“If you breathe a word to anyone, I will not hesitate to kill you.”

“Of course. I expect nothing less, Michael. See you soon." 

*

 

He was removing Lena’s stuff from the guest room drawers when she awoke, arranging Kara’s new clothing into them and planning on sending the forgotten items off to Lena with his gift, since it would be easier to just do it all at once. He kept the hairdryer though, that would just have to be her loss. 

Placing an assortment of skirts and jeans and sweaters in the drawers, and neatly ordering them, he wasn’t meaning for things to feel so… permanent – really Kara just needed clothes, it was essential, and it was only until she had built her strength up enough. Then he would help her find her family or a place to go, or somewhere she would be happy to finally spend her freedom. Whatever she wanted. He just didn’t want her to be stuck in that disgusting life of abuse anymore. She didn’t deserve that, no one did.

Mon-El probably should have felt a lot more uncomfortable placing socks and lingerie in the top drawers, but it wasn’t like he was sexualizing her. They were plain and necessary and not at all suggestive. She had nothing. And so he shrugged it off trying to deal with the strangeness of the situation, arranging things onto hangers and draping them softly in the wardrobe, before he began to wonder how Kara got into this life in the first place. Where WAS her family? How DID she end up being  _owned_  by some disgusting guy, instead of a flourishing and independent person? It was all so wrong.  

He could feel her watching his back but not saying anything, but finished up what he was doing first to not get distracted. When he finally turned around to face her, she had shuffled up into a sitting position.

“So. I got you some clothing. Just so you have stuff to wear until you’re feeling better. And then we can help you find your family… or is there some place you’d like to go? Now that… you know. You don’t have to…” Mon-El shrugged and gestured vaguely.  

She clutched the pillow to her stomach, letting it protectively cover her lap and crossing her arms over it, and he wasn’t sure what he had said wrong to make that deep line settle in her brow. Maybe he shouldn’t allude to the being owned thing. Yeah. Better not to do that...

"I’m glad you’ve been resting. I um… called someone in to come see you –  A doctor. Just to take a look at you and.. make sure you are going to be okay." 

Her eyes dipped from his gaze like she was scrambling to put an escape plan in place. Like she wanted to run but knew she was too weak. 

"Would you…  would you let me take a look? At your injuries, I mean."

She nodded politely and he considered that a win. Hopefully she would start talking to him soon, but it wasn’t at all surprising for now. She wasn’t used to getting anything, or being allowed to do anything. Other than being used and beaten into submission.

Mon-El walked quietly over to Kara’s bed and pulled up a chair, allowing him to face her.

“Come.” He curled his hand for her to shuffle over to him and perch herself on the edge of the bed where he could reach. She obeyed, moving slowly and flinching a little at the fabric pulling against the wounds covering her back. He didn’t realize until she got closer that she was shaking, small trembles fluttering down her arms. 

“I’m not going to hurt you, Kara. And he won’t either. I’d slit his throat before I let him hurt you.”

She ducked her gaze to stare at her feet, and Mon-El realized his colloquial violence might not be the best conversational material for building up her confidence. Rolling his eyes at himself, he leaned forward gingerly to undo a few top buttons on the oversized shirt that she was still wearing, allowing him to glide it off her shoulders, and he tilted her to the side so that he could get a better view of her upper back. He was expecting her to hold the shirt up to cover most of her chest, but when she didn’t move to grip the fabric, he had to do it himself and instruct her.

“Hold here. …please.” He added at the last second when he became aware that his tone was a little harsh. Probably just detaching himself from having to deal with seeing large gashes thriving deep in her skin. Mon-El had bunched up the fabric and she took it from him, giving him the freedom to use both hands again. 

"Can you tell me where it hurts the most?” He traced light lines around her cuts, avoiding the broken skin and inspecting most of them, the one on her right shoulder blade being of the most concern. He could see white flesh glistening, and the gaping slit hadn’t started to glass over yet. Instead, it seemed as if it was still wet, the deep red having trouble sticking her skin back together. She refused to answer him, her shoulders still trembling. 

Mon-El let out a sigh, about to say something when there was a knock at the door.  “That will be him. Just give me a moment.” He got up, but as he turned, he felt a death grip on his forearm, Kara’s knuckles white as she latched onto him suddenly. 

“Kara. It’s for your own good. Just. I’m not going to hurt you.” 

Her eyes were still blown wide. She didn’t trust him.

“...I’m….scared” she barely managed to whisper at him, and Mon-El found himself bringing a hand up to settle on her cheek, a thumb soothing against her jawline and brushing her chin gently. 

“I know. But it won’t always be this way. You’ll heal. And this is how we start.”

Another knock came, and it forced her to let go so that Mon-El could attend Mr. Rosenburg.

 

*

 

“Dammit Kara.”

In the time it took to get the door and then walk back to the guest room, his patient had snuck back to her safe space underneath the bed. 

“Trauma.” Cole commented.

“You think?” Mon-El gave him an unimpressed look, before taking charge.

“Sweetheart, I know you're scared.. but this doctor is not leaving until he checks you over. The sooner you come out, the sooner he will bugger off.”

“Oh, because that’s not offensive.” 

“Shut up Cole, you are here to do your job. Not make friends.”

"Explains why you don’t have any.”

Mon-El gave a warning with the daggers settled in the grey of his eyes, before turning his attention back to Kara.  “Kara. Come here, NOW.”

She instantly obeyed, and he felt terrible that he had commanded her, but what else could he do? He knew she would submit to him if he demanded it rather than asking nicely. When she was within reach, he helped her onto her feet, and she seemed overcome with dizziness, the anxiety putting too much pressure on her already ailing body. He allowed her to weakly crumple into his strong chest, before guiding her back to sit, steadying her flimsy attempts to move. She was sat on the very corner of the bed, to allow both men to reach her, and she was overwhelmed by the ambushed feelings wreaking havoc on her stomach.

“ _Please.”_ The desperate tremors in her voice gave way to small choked sobs, a look of utter dismay apparent in her deeply blue and fearful gaze.

“Kara, don’t panic, you’re okay. I promise. This is Dr. Rosenburg. He is here to help.” Mon-El held her shoulders, trying to assure her.

“Nice to meet you.” He was polite and curtly nodded, not extending a hand, but greeting her from a slight distance.

“He’s going to need to look at your back. You have severe injuries. Are you okay with that?” Her gaze shifted desperately from Mon-El to the strange man standing near to him, but she had no choice but to nod and try keep afloat. She held onto his wrists as he moved to once again remove her shirt as respectfully as possible. If she had nails they would certainly have been digging into his skin, but they were chewed far too short for that. 

After fully removing the garment from her tiny frame, he gave her the shirt to hold gently against her chest while Cole moved closer to inspect the damage. 

“Geez, you weren’t kidding.” He noted the billowing black and purple rippling under the surface of her skin, and the variety of marks, some thin, some slick, and others rough and mangled. “...What was around her neck?”

“Metal collar."

“What a bastard!”

“You’re telling me.” Mon-El was diplomatic and bland with his answers, trying to distance himself and treat her more as a patient for the time being. 

“You’re right… this cut here definitely needs stitches to help it heal. And there is one here… its not too deep, but it’s not healing properly and will need to be treated for infection. She mustn’t have been kept in the best conditions.” He motioned to a jagged opening that ran across her ribs and underneath her arm.

“What about the bruising. Should it look… that bad?” Mon-El frowned as he pitched the question.

“That will heal. Lots of major blood vessels have been banged around and burst under the skin. Her lack of nutrition is what is causing them to look this bad, she won’t heal as fast as other people, and likely bruises a lot easier since she is deficient in nutrients. She’s more vulnerable to it. Although, by the look of these, she didn’t have much of a chance even if she was strong and healthy.”

Mon-El sighed, accepting the answer. “So. Stitches first. Then wound care. Then decent food.”

“Pretty much. Vitamin and mineral supplements will help if you can.” Dr. Rosenburg nodded, and proceeded to gather his things, sliding the chair Mon-El had been sitting on earlier to be next to Kara, while Mon-El sank down in front of her. kneeling to be below her eye level. 

“You need stitches. To help one of your wounds get better.” 

She reached for him and gripped one of Mon-El’s hands, dragging it into her lap and he took that as enough confirmation to go ahead. Mon-El turned to Cole and nodded to proceed.

Numbing the area and cleaning it out, Kara’s grip tightened and her jaw clenched every time she felt pain. But she went blank, taking it all in her stride and seemed to now understand she wasn’t in any danger. When the gash that graced her shoulder was neatly sown up, Cole cleaned out the deep line against her ribs, and instructed Mon-El to replace the gauze and keep the area clean by disinfecting it twice a day for about a week. Finishing up, he removed his gloves and chucked them in a disposable trash bag, along with the rest of the remnants Kara’s medical treatment. 

“That’s that,” he announced, looking to Mon-El for approval. 

“Thank you, quick work. I’d better let you get back to your other patients.”

“Indeed.”

Mon-El walked over to the drawers and pulled out a soft grey top, one of Kara's new ones, and handed it to her. She gazed at the garment in her hands confused, but accepted it, and the men got up to allow her to redress while they handled payment. 

When the pair got nearer the door, Mon-El instructed him to wait, entering his study and mulling about before returning with enough money to cover both services rendered and of course, his silence. Mon-El offered up the wad of cash to the other man for his time, and opened the door.

“You’re going soft, Michael.”

“Would you like to test out that theory?” Mon-El rose his brows, his glare set to its usual steel. 

“You know what… I’d rather sleep at night. Thanks.” The man accepted the payment and tucked it in his bag along with his things. 

“Not a word. Is that clear?” 

“Crystal.” Dr. Rosenburg nodded, and left.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to @maybetomorrow - the best beta in the world. (This chapter is over 5k words. Lol. And guess who scrolled through 20 pages to check it over for me.) Thanks all my lovelies who are leaving comments and encouraging me to write and post and share. Y'all are gems. xo
> 
> Sidenote. Im totally bullshitting my way through the medical stuff and never do research for fics cs im lazy. Soz. just go with it. ;)


	6. Night.

A few days later, he awoke in the night. There was a muffled sound coming from down the hall, but it was distinct enough that he knew Kara was throwing up in the bathroom for the third night in a row. Couldn’t this girl catch a break? Flipping heck. 

Pulling a pair of sweatpants on over his boxers, Mon-El went to check on her. She was wearing his long shirt again, which seemed to be her sleepwear preference, but she was… sobbing, weakly, and the sounds were stifled but he knew that she was in a lot of pain. 

“Hey. Are you… is there anything I can do?” His voice was low and a little husky from sleep, but she ignored him, preferring to grip the bowl that she was trying to hold herself up to, heaving and feeble, even though there was nothing in her stomach left to expel.

He didn’t understand. She wasn’t even eating all that much, fruit and water and dry crackers, entirely digestible. But here she was, sick and weak with sweat glistening on her brow. 

He took off for a glass of water, before returning quickly and settling himself down beside her. “Do you think you could drink this?” 

She was glazed over, like she wasn’t really with him. Staring through him and not connecting properly with his eyes, and he was left wondering where exactly she was floating. Perhaps lost in nightmares or memories… although they were probably one in the same to Kara. 

“Please? Water will help.” 

She didn’t take the water, instead sinking down to the tiles in a slump to lay splayed out face down on the ground, her cheek pressed into the cold slate, and her arms collapsed at her sides. He put the glass of water down and pulled some of her hair back from sticking to her face and eyes, settling it all over to one side. Her shallow breaths were easy to hear in the silent room, sharp and tense and strained. He didn’t know how to ease her pain. How to make her feel better. 

Moving to rinse out a light cloth with fresh water, Mon-El brought it down to cool her skin where it was exposed, which wasn’t much, just the side of her face and neck. down to her collar – but it was something. She blinked quickly a few times and Mon-El thought maybe she had come back to him, from wherever she was.

“Kara?”

“Unnh.” She groaned into the tiles, debilitated, like she barely had anything left. She couldn’t even move. 

Mon-El was forced to gently roll her on her back, so that he could glide an arm under her knees and the other underneath her upper body, drawing a faint yelp when the pressure hit the injuries across her skin there. 

“I’m sorry. But you won’t be very comfortable on the ground for the night.” 

Moving her back to the guest room, he stopped when he realized he had no hands to pull back the covers, and setting her down to move them and then picking her up again would be an unnecessary process that may hurt her. _Dammit._ He turned and walked to his room, the covers already drawn from his hasty exit from sleep, and settled her into the middle of his bed. Pulling the comforter up so she would be warm enough, he once again moved the hair out of her face, giving her a weak look in the low light. 

“Rest. I’ll check on you in the morning.”

It wasn’t really the best time to be doing anything, since it was deep in the night and he had no idea what fucking time it was. But he was up now, so might as well hide in the cave of his study and do some work. Mon-El had a few accounts to manage and needed to make a list of clients he hadn’t chased up yet, some of Rhea’s proposals not yet confirmed to go ahead. Planning a mission might be a nice change of pace – he needed to hit something. Or shoot someone.

Going down to his study, he disappeared though the door, leaving his worries outside the moment the door was shut.  

 

 

*

 

He stared at the proposal on his desk, one that still needed to be signed by a client and the details worked out. But it was fairly straight forward, a theft this time, like most of his work. Only a few occasions was he hired for something less tasteful like a hit, but a lot of people who knew of the Gand's services, were exactly the kind of people that could deal with that sort of thing on their own. Although, supplying decent unmarked weapons for that purpose was sometimes on his list of to-dos, or giving them a clean up crew post-hit. Rhea had this one dude that was fantastic at his job  - his nickname was 'Razor', though Mon-El wasn’t exactly sure what that had to do with tying up loose ends and being an avid cleaner. 

Apparently one of Rhea’s latest clients wanted a piece of new software, developed by some guy called Ray Palmer. Palmer? What a sissy name.

Computer people were the fucking worst – their security systems were always decent, up to date, and forever changing to be more and more complex, adding layers of protection. Mon-El appreciated their intelligence, but it made his job a lot harder than just getting something purely of monetary or historical value, from places like private institutes, or stealing personal effects that some rich individual had bought themselves to boast and lavishly display in their home. It wasn’t all bad though, a job like this meant he had a reason to push the quote up to the higher end, since it entailed more risk and more skill, giving the perfect excuse in negotiations to fetch a rather grand price. His mother would be pleased.

 

*

 

He woke suddenly with a slight pain in his neck. Shit. Had he really fallen asleep at his desk? The curtains were still shut but he knew from the temperature and slight streaks of light peeking though to the carpet that it was morning. Again. Shoving his papers away and making a note to call up for a meet, Mon-El dragged himself out of his study, stopping to make a cup of tea before meandering past the stairs and back to his room. 

Seriously? She was gone, again, somehow managing to weakly drag herself from his bed and back to her room before he returned in the morning like he said he would. Did she really fear him that much? As if being the slightest of inconveniences to him might mean risk of harm or getting rid of her, or beating the shit out of her. To be fair, when he first met her literally only days ago, he did say he would shoot her in the head if she made the slightest of sounds or fucked up. But he was in work mode then, his survival and fight and tactical behaviours rumbling to the surface at the time. Tension did things to the tongue. Ugh.

He let it go, thinking about his grumbling stomach, and that it was still early days. Peering into her room, she must have taken up residence back in her usual spot, since her couldn’t see her.  _Fine. Have it your way._

He made her breakfast like he usually did, left it in its usual place, and got on with his day. There was nothing really he could do except give her time. 

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note for those asking. Kara's sickness is not really due to digestion.. it is because of anxiety. In case it was difficult to pick up. She's struggling with the new environment and routine and shock etc. She's waiting for him to turn on her... only the longer he takes to get violent at her.. the more the anticipation causes her irrational fear. This night is the last time it happens. xx
> 
> P.s I promise she has not been kidnapped. Lol. yall don't trust me and im not surprised with the themes in this fic. Soz. She's snoozing under the bed in her safe place. It's what she is used to and works to reduce her anxiety a little bit having something that she has known for years and years. Peace. 
> 
> An update for my lovelies. Thanks to all the incredible people reading/commenting/encouraging me with this, and of course, @maybetomorrow for being the best beta in the world. Peace.


	7. Fear or Trust or Neither.

 “So you are telling me he skimmed off the top?” Mon-El didn’t even look up, already seething as his grip on his pen tightened.  

“Yes. He must have thought since he was in charge of tracking the outgoings, that you wouldn't have another person on it as well.” She spoke matter of fact, one of the team who had been handling a lovely drug run for the third time in the last few months. 

Wow, what a tool. Had Rhea really hired this guy? What kind of idiot thinks that just because he is the leader means he isn’t being monitored? No one was ever fully trusted with the kind of cashflow that went through the underground of Daxam. For this exact reason… 

"And where is he now?” Mon-El inquired, scrawling his signature with dangerous pressure. 

"In the Red Sun with the boys. They are just finishing up.”

“You mean you haven’t shot him yet?”

“Well, not without your permission, of course.” Brienne was trustworthy and diligent. Of course she would look to the approval of leadership first. But he hoped he didn’t have to take care of every darn thing. Surely there was some competency around here somewhere. 

“Loyalty is everything. Zero tolerance, you understand?” Mon-El abruptly slammed his pen down on the table, watching it splinter and a splotch of ink seep along the surface of the wood.

“Alright. Well I’ll take care of him then.” She nodded fiercely and turned on her heel, unfazed by her boss's anger, completely robust just like always, before he stopped her. 

“No. You know what, I’ll do it myself, he can be an example.”

 

*

 

He made his way through Daxam to the Red Sun, one of the private studios that was most often used by Rhea’s drug distributions unit. Typing in his key code, followed by a thumbprint, he saw they had already finished counting the cash which was stacked in neat glorious piles, and they were now sitting around with a few bottles of beer hanging about as they relaxed over a few rounds of cards. A few relaxed drinks for a job well done.

Mon-El was abrupt, not even greeting anyone as he burst through the door.

"Dave. How much is here? Total. I’d like to know."

“Michael." The men adjusted themselves, some of them taking feet off chairs to sit in a more poised manner and straightening up. Others brushing down their jackets to be slightly more presentable in the company of a Gand.

“Uhm. $360k. Pretty good score, if you ask me.” He seemed proud. What a wanker.

Mon-El was lightning quick, pulling his gun from out behind him and pointing it straight at the man's head, while the rest of the room fell silent, wondering how things were going to play out. 

"And how much is there MEANT to be… Brienne, my dear. Do tell us.”

“420. There was meant to be 420k”

“YOU FUCKING RAT!” Dave spat at the tattletale next to Mike, furious but also stunned and embarrassed at being caught red handed.

“The only RAT in here is the one who lacks loyalty and respect. And it will cost you your life.” Mon-El looked at his lovely studio full of cash and considered for a second. "You know what? I don’t want blood on my fucking carpets, come with me.”

The large male didn’t budge, looking around the room for help, but Mon-El just turned for the door, and didn’t find it necessary to press any further, hearing as some of his men got up out of their chairs. They took it upon themselves to restrain the ass who didn’t know how to be a part of a team, easily overpowering him.

There was commotion and scrambling as Mon-El calmly made his way to the back carpark, flanked by the group and eventually the idiot was forced to his knees on the concrete.

“Come on man, give me another chance.” 

His pleas were useless. He shouldn’t have even bothered opening his mouth.  

“You steal from me, you steal from all of us.”

It was quick, a bullet lodged directly in the centre of his brain.

“Someone clean this shit up.”

 

*

 

A few hours later, and his mother was already waiting for him, nursing a scotch and swirling it around the bottom of her glass, completely unaware that she had lost a worker today. He sat down across from her, politely nodding his greeting.

“Mother.”

“Michael.” She nodded her response, before kicking back a slow drag of liquor. 

“Is this about the Saturn?” He queried, wondering if she was still convinced he was somehow going to get it off of Lena for the client she promised it to. 

Rhea narrowed her eyes, displeased for him mentioning it, and her meeting was clearly about something else. “No, actually. Just a small job for you. A hit.”

Mon-El raised his hand with nothing more than a few flicks of his fingers, and a glass of whiskey promptly appeared at his table. He was going to need it. A few eyes from around Daxam had flicked over to them, noticing the stern looks passing between mother and son, and it was amazing how much the playful vibe of the place changed the moment Rhea stopped in. While a few paid their respects by complimenting or nodding towards Rhea as they passed, the pair was mostly given a wide berth to talk in private, anyone coming in shifting as far away from them as possible.  

“Who pissed you off now?” Mon-El took a swig of his drink, before placing it on the table and lacing his fingers together to lean on them, his elbows resting on the hard wood. 

"Someone decided to try cut off the head of The Lion, would you believe...” She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “One of our men came to me today, he was offered a rather large price to be paid upon proof of my death."

“And he. Told you this…? Why would he do that."

"That’s the kind of loyalty that we have inspired, Michael. Our money… it is power. He knows that I can offer him triple the price he was offered, at least. That he is safer under our protection and rule. Of course I would want to know the name of the one who put a bounty on my head. And he knew I was willing to pay for it."

“Pfff, he showed you his hand. That’s a lot of trust to put in you. You could have just beat it out of him."

“True. But it’s not about trust, Michael. Fear. Our subjects fear us. We crush those who are against us and we treasure those who show us their loyalty. Others may think they can buy out our men and try turn them against us, to take our place at the top. But our men know better. The safest place to be is where the biggest guns are.”

“Yeah, not all your men are so intelligent. Shot one of your arseholes today. He was skimming off the top. And did you forget those files I had to retrieve for you?" 

“And where are the perpetrators now, Michael? Six feet under. They got what was coming to them.”

“That’s what I said.” He rolled his eyes, wondering if money really was the only thing anyone around here cared about. "So this… unwavering fellow... you paid him grandly then."

"Of course. Others will hear whispers. They will see his rewards for staying true to The House of Gand. And they will hear of the death of some fool who thought she could put a bounty on my head or buy out our men."  She smiled that austere smile that so often graced her features, and he watched as she took out her phone, sending him an encrypted picture before a glow pooled from his pocket when it lit up, having received the message. 

“Shoot a bitch. Got it. Anything else while you're here?"

She raised a brow at his choice of language while in front of her. "Do remember, this is the person who is trying to kill your own mother. This takes first priority.” She nodded at him, knowing he would take care of it. “Just one more thing. How is the proposal for Bolton coming along?” She queried, since they might as well talk business while they had the time. 

“He’s not in town for a meet up for a while, but it's allowed me some time to research Palmer Technologies and their security systems. I’m still figuring out the best way to get his order fulfilled. All boring stuff you won’t be interested in… but we will be able to get a decent price. Dodging security in a place like Palmer Tech won’t come cheap. 

“Good. Seems like you have things all well in hand.” She rose from her chair, turning on her heel to leave Mon-El to take his phone out, and get to work. 

_Oh if only she knew..._

 

*

 

For once, Mon-El was glad that Kara didn’t leave her room much, stumbling in at a horrendous hour and shutting the door behind him, before tearing his hooded jacket off. She was probably asleep by now, and he felt guilty he hadn’t been home earlier to make sure she had something for dinner, but right now he had other things to deal with. 

He had blood stains on his shirt, and the distinct metallic smell of it seeped to his nose, along with the scent of a woman’s perfume. Pulling it up over his head, he used the fabric to wipe some dirt and sweat off his face before stuffing it in the trash - which he would later burn.

He brought up his phone, deleting the encrypted picture from the disk and sending a simple message to Rhea. 

_> It’s done.  <_

His phone got chucked on the marble counter as he strolled right over to the liquor cabinet, bringing down his vodka for a change, and dumping it in a glass before it hit his lips and drowned out the headache that was his life. Another few shots, and then his need to feel clean again took over.

Leaving the bottle out for later, he paced to his room, already removing his gun and belt from his jeans before he got to the door, and letting them fall to hit the surface of his desk on the way to his bathroom. 

FUCK. He forgot to change Kara’s bandage this evening as well. He was a fucking useless caretaker. He would just have to wake her up gently after his shower to swap the gauze out and give her a bite to eat.

 

*

A few days on, and she was used to him coming in to change the dressing on her wounds, replacing it once in the morning, and then again in the evening. She was already up sitting on a small stool he had brought down from the studio upstairs when he entered her room.

“Morning.” His voice rumbled, still shaking off sleep. Until he had his decent hit of caffeine, he was slightly aloof, running a hand though his hair and blinking a few times. She looked up at him, something he couldn’t quite describe in her eyes, but she quickly glanced down and away from him.

It was the first time she hadn’t worn his shirt to bed, though he suspected that was because he chucked it in the wash, and she didn’t have much of a choice. She was just sitting up in a plain tee, turning her back to him silently, and before he had even approached she had removed it, not even bothering to hide her chest and sitting politely with it in her lap, waiting for him to treat her cuts. 

He dragged a chair to sit behind her and the placement of the covering was in an award position, the gauze following two ribs around from her back and running under her arm, stopping just below her breast. He wasn’t going to… dammit. Fine. He _did maayyybe_ sneak a peek. At her goods. But… he was a guy and she wasn’t wearing a shirt. Whatever. He gave himself a quick internal kick and got back into doing this as quickly as possible, disinfecting the open injury, replacing the covering, and rising from his chair abruptly. 

“You’re all done.” 

He didn’t know why he left in such a rush. Coffee. That’s why. He desperately wanted his morning coffee.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. Couldn’t help myself but put a throwback Snowbarry reference in there for the lols.
> 
> Also apologize for taking a bit to update. Me and my wonderful Beta @maybetomorrow (THANKS BABE) have both had hard weeks, and took us slightly longer. 
> 
> Side note: I'm not that happy with this chapter. But. Im happy with the next one. So. Forgive me? This ones kinda shit but theres always that one bitch of a chapter. And this one was it. Ugh. Anyway. The next lot of chapters should be way better. I hope. Peace. 
> 
> Aesthetics are on sweet-karamel.tumblr for this story. search #the lion & the rose if you haven't seen em yet. <3


	8. Chocolate Almonds.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Flashback scene to when Mon-El and Lena are children. Mon-El / Mike is 10 here, and Lena is 13.]

They were planning on having a Star Wars marathon when Mon-El snuck to the pantry to steal some snacks. Dragging a chair over to the large cupboard, he stretched up, reaching into the very top shelf to tug forward a glass jar of chocolate covered almonds. They were hidden among a few other items that were only really allowed to be eaten on special occasions. Struggling to slide it closer with the tips of his fingers, the jar was filled to the top with heavenly sweets, and the anticipation made Mon-El's mouth water just a little bit. Milk chocolate with glorious roasted almonds inside?  _Heck. Yes._  

Turning gleefully with the large jar in his hands, a little bit heavy but totally worth it, he was about to jump down when he was caught by Rhea.

“Mon- _EL_!” She dragged him off the chair and shouted his past name at his face, not appreciating his behaviour. Gripping his shirt around the scruff of the neck, she hauled him down and the jar fell to the pristine floors with a loud smash, shattering around his bare feet. He would probably have small cuts there, but he couldn’t look down since the grip around his collar was so strong, holding his gaze to the flaming and furious eyes of his mother. His entire body tensed, panic and guilt carving out pathways in his chest, like waking from a sudden nightmare. Only it wasn’t the monsters of the dark. It was simply his mother.

“Now look what you’ve DONE! _UGH!_ ” Her voice chilled him to the core and made him shake a little bit, fear filling his body. He was entirely to blame for her wrath, her disappointment, and every negative emotion he felt. It was all his own fault. He didn’t dare mention that he was struggling for breath, the grip on his shirt collar too tight to inhale properly. He deserved it. He must have, because the hands around his neck belonged to the woman he looked up to, and the ground she walked on he had always worshiped. So to disappoint her? Even over something so trivial. He shouldn’t have been such a stupid brat. Any punishment that came next was justified.

He was just a kid. And they were only sweets. But Rhea slapped him across the face so hard it knocked him out cold, to fall in a heap on the floor.

Lena had quietly made her way down to check what was taking Mike so long, when she saw the altercation happen. Lena snapped up straight with surprise seeing Rhea roughly handling her 10 year old son, and then striking him like a cobra would its prey. She watched as he hit the ground, landing on a few stray shards of glass and unconscious on the kitchen floor. 

“Rhea???! How  _dare you!_  HE’S YOU’RE SON!!!”

The older woman spun around, still exuding the aura of a fresh kill.

“I think you’d better be getting home, Lena.” Rhea was firm, yet polite, somehow turning calm in the mere moments between hitting Mike and then turning to her. Was she really just going to turn her sugar sweet voice on, as if nothing happened? Lena was NOT impressed. 

“It wasn’t even his fault Rhea!  _I_ _was the one who wanted those_. I asked Mike to get them for me. It’s just snacks… it’s not like you aren’t rich enough to spare them." 

“It's the concept that matters. It's stealing."

“Then teach him to feel comfortable enough around you to just ASK. Raise him like a  _mother_ , not a  _master_  disciplining their slave! That was brutal. He is only TEN! It’s no wonder he sneaks around avoiding you.” Lena was getting lippy again, but what was this bitch of a woman going to do, strike her as well?

"Get going, Lena. NOW, before I call  _your_  mother." Lena watched as Rhea’s jaw clasped shut, grinding her teeth together and her eyes dark. Rhea didn’t scare her… her own mother however, she did fear. Lillian would never hit Lena – not ever. She wasn’t abusive. (Well she was in her own way, Lena just didn’t know it). 

Being fearful of her mother in the same way that Mike was his, Lena caved to the emotional manipulation, easily obeying Rhea and taking off into a run for her home that was down a lane a few blocks away. She planned on telling Lillian what she had seen. How it was wrong.

 

*

  
“MOM.” She was panting, out of breath from her mad dash home, and her need to tell Lillian her side of the story before Rhea made some bullshit up and manipulated the situation to make the children seem like liars and thieves. 

“Lena, are you alright? What’s wrong?” Her mother looked up from what she was writing, somewhat un-fazed despite her words implying she noticed something was bothering her daughter. 

“Rhea. She…. She hit Mike. Right across the face. It was. She knocked him out.”

Lillian pressed her lips together, considering. “What did he do?”

“Mother?”

“Well, he must have done something, I’m sure she has her reasons.”

“ARE YOU JOKING?” Lena felt sparks of rage flicker inside her. Why did her mother always take sides with Rhea?! This was ridiculous! It was  _wrong._  

“Look Lena, don’t concern yourself with things that aren’t your business. Sometimes discipline is neccesery. You know I would never hurt you, or discipline  _you_  like that Lena, but Mike, he’s… unruly, and a male. Unlike you he needs a firmer hand.”

“Discipline? HE’S TEN!”

“And you were that age not too long ago honey, were you always so well behaved at that age? He will learn to obey his mother. Just how you respect me.”

Lena contemplated. Thinking about how she had gotten in trouble a lot more when she was younger. Now she was just smarter about it. It didn’t teach her to behave, it taught her how to lie, brilliantly. And be more stealthy. To use other people to get her way so that they took the fall... She didn’t really mean to do that with Mike… did she? She knew he might get in trouble, but... she wasn’t expecting the consequences to be quite so brutal. It was her fault really. And he didn’t deserve it. Mike was a jerk and useless and a little annoying, but she liked the way they were sort of friends. Plus, she liked being smarter than him. Since he was younger and less able to comprehend stuff that she did, it made her feel... I dunno.. stronger. Since she was always in the shadow of Lex. Finally she didn’t feel like trash kicked underfoot. 

Ugh. Next time would be different. He would just have to learn the art of stealth like her. They could get treats whenever they liked and no one would even know. Her thoughts had entirely run away with her, being interrupted by Lillian and bringing her crashing back into the present.

“Lena?” Lillian was looking expectantly for her daughter to answer and cave to the question. She thought Lena was incredibly well behaved compared to Mike. Oh if only she knew. 

“It was cruel.” She ignored the question, not wanting to give in to what her mother implied. 

“It’s a cruel world, Lena.” The older woman answered calmly. Distant. Cold. Just like she always was with her. She was only warm with Lex. 

“I have homework to do.” Lena muttered, turning swiftly to go to her room.  _As IF... H_ _omework? Fuck that._

“Okay. I need to go out and take care of some things. You’ll be alright on your own?”

“Of course.”

 

*

 

It was dark when she hauled his window up, having snuck up onto the roof and silently crawled across it, before she dropped herself down onto his balcony. Mike was nursing a bruise around his collar, but she also noticed marks that weren’t there when she had left, spreading into a deep purple loop around his wrist, like it had been crushed, and a mark across his shoulder that was probably from a belt. Lena gritted her teeth.  _That horrible woman._

Leaving his window open she pulled a sweater out of the nearest drawer and threw it at Mike. 

“Come on you little shit. Let's get out of here."

“I really shouldn’t, Lena."

“Oh to hell with your stupid house rules, come on. Are you going to let that bitch rule you forever?”

“Watch yourself.” He growled, or at least attempted to. But he couldn’t get the fear just right yet. And she rolled her eyes at his weak attempt at threatening her.

“Or what! If our parents are going to treat us like liars and thieves, we might as well be them. And reap the rewards."

“But....”

“Coward."

“I am NOT.”

“Are too!”

“FINE. Fine. Where are we going...?” He struggled to pull the sweater on over his t-shirt, while she picked dirt out from her fingernails. 

"Down to steal some chocolate almonds from the store – of course. You need to learn some stealth, because you are seriously useless at it." 

“Watch yourself!” He scrunched his face up at her, not at all amused by the agitating taunts that so effortlessly left Lena’s tongue. He tried to get his tone better this time, but still failed. 

“Yeah yeah, I’m so intimidated by you’re empty threats.” Lena wandered over to his bed to haul his sorry arse up when she saw he was struggling to wrap his wrist up. "Oh for fucks sake Mike, you really are useless! Give me that...”  Lena quickly plopped herself next to Mike and attended to his injury, straightening the ligaments out properly and giving them support to heal by binding them tightly and pulling a hair pin out of her dark locks to secure the bandage in place. 

“Thanks.” He muttered, still sounding like a defeated sad sop. 

“Shut up. Let’s go.”

 

*

 

“No!!” She hissed at him, her hand flying out to stop him. After they had successfully made their way through multiple halls and down the stairs, Lena having convinced Mon-El that he needed some practice sneaking around, they were on their way to the door furtherest from his room. It was the one nearest the courtyard, and they had almost made it, but he was about to stand on something – which would probably either make noise or Mike would make noise by goofing about when startled.

She pointed her finger at something in the dark next to where he was about to put his feet. 

“You need to be aware of everything in your surroundings. Everything. Listen for every sound… use your instincts _and_ your eyes. You have two of them, can’t you at least  _try_  to use them?” She was whispering and yes somehow her words still managed to cut. 

“Sorry.” He stepped gingerly around what looked like a foil wrapper, probably accidentally dropped from one of Rhea’s guards. They flanked a series of large plants and shrubs and he watched with interest the way Lena moved like a panther in the dark, slow and calm and steady. She was entirely silent, and he tried to match her movements. She continued to teach him, whispering calmly in the low light. 

“You need to relax. The tension in your body is causing slight impacts when your feet hit the ground., and your breathing is louder than it should be. You need to collect your thoughts, and discard them. Breathe deep and slow.” She demonstrated, gliding across to a stone pillar and nodding her head to follow, raising her brows at his intense concentration. He really was trying."Let yourself connect with your surroundings so that it becomes seamless. There is no barrier between you and the ground. Float across it.” She whispered in his ear in the dark, and honestly he was still trying to let his eyes adjust to the light, let alone take in the seemingly mystical instructions she was giving him.  

By the time they got to the driveway, things got a little harder, the loose stones needing to be avoided for their crunch, even though they were far enough away from the house it really didn’t matter. It was the practice that mattered. So they followed a line of trees, using their shadows as shelter, and the solid shapes of their trunks to block the vision of imaginary assailants, until Lena was sufficiently happy and just wanted to speed the process up a bit. 

“That’s a good enough start for now.” 

Their practicing ceased and they began to just talk and talk and talk, as they strolled down the rather remote and yet beautiful edge of their suburb. There was a gas station a few blocks away, open til at least midnight, and it was only 10pm.

“You realise there aren’t going to be chocolate almonds at a gas station, Lena.” Taking luxuries for granted was sort of normal for two kids brought up under the endless riches of their parents fortune. 

“True. But as long as it has got chocolate, who really cares.” She shrugged. "This is fun right?” Lena gave him a side look, and if he was being fully honest, it was fun. He felt strangely safe around Lena, despite her sharp tongue and sometimes intimidating intelligence. She was older than him, yes, but it was more than that. She seemed to be perceptive and quick-witted and a little bit cunning. Her independence and self-sufficiency was something he admired, she didn’t take shit from anyone. Stood up for herself. At least, thats how it seemed to him. 

“It’s alright I guess.” Mon-El didn’t want to be to obvious or sappy, so kept it brief. But Lena was sort of his only friend. They were… isolated. Both of them homeschooled together and kept away from the poison and foolishness of commoners. The light of the gas station was quickly approaching, and the unruly kids formed a plan. 

 

*

 

“Please can you help me?” Lena turned on her sweet voice, speaking as if hurt to the man at the counter to distract him, and Mon-El heard her say something about twisting her ankle and needing to borrow a phone to call her mother. When the male went out back to fetch his cellphone for her to use, Mon-El pulled his hood up and slipped in, stuffing a variety of treats in his jumper, mostly chocolate things, but also a giant cookie and a stick of bubble gum just for the hell of it. When satisfied, he high tailed it out of there and boosted out to calmly meander up the road a bit, and lean on a tree.

Lena tapped in a pretend number and waited for it to ‘ring’ a few times. “No answer. That’s okay, I live only a block from here, I guess I’ll manage.” Lena shyly gave the phone back. 

“Are you sure? What are you doing out so late?”

“My…my cat, Snowy..” She began, letting some of her heartbreaking charm sweep in under her words. “She. I can’t find her. And she always sleeps on my bed with me and I just wanted to find her. I’d probably get in trouble anyway. Maybe it is better that I just walk home with a sprained ankle.” She frowned, looking up at him from underneath her lashes. "You won’t… you won’t tell anyone will you? I wouldn’t want my mother to be upset with me.”

He was puzzled, but nodded at her, shrugging. It wasn’t any of his business anyway. 

“Okay. But be safe. You should be fine around here, mostly rich families, but next time don’t stay out this late, alright?”

Lena bit her lip and nodded sweetly, grabbing the ends of her sleeves to try appear shy as she thanked him and left the shop… making her way back out into the night. She didn’t even have a cat. She giggled as she skipped over to Mike and then pulled her phone out of her pocket to snap a few blurry pictures in the dark of her and Mike, who already had a cookie stuffed in his mouth. She poked her tongue out and scrunched her face up while pressing the camera button a few more times. One for the memories folder. 

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse Mistakes. I decided to do an early update since it's the long weekend, so this chapter hasn't had another pair of eyes look over it. Don't tell my beautiful beta @maybetomorrow ;) 
> 
> xoxo.


	9. Bending the rules.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'The hidden depths of Loneliness. When will I find relief?'
> 
> [Over the weeks that followed, Kara’s confidence and strength grow little by little.] 

He was munching on a cookie while making his morning coffee, and things had eventually settled into a strange but comfortable routine. It had been over a week now, and Mon-El would wake to find Kara sleeping on the floor under her bed, leave her breakfast, and go out to attend to business. When he returned, sometimes later in the day than he intended, he would come back to see she had moved to the top of her bed, unable to resist the warm sunlight pouring through her window.

He had brought a few books down from the library in his study for her to read, and although Kara was very quiet, she did seem to be absorbing the information in them. She would crinkle her brow at some bits, or he would catch a shy smile at others. She never complained or spoke up or did anything that she interpreted may make him upset. She ate what he gave her and didn’t ask for anything more. She accepted the clothes he had purchased for her gracefully - wearing the new clothing without so much as a peep or whispered thank you. He now understood that she mustn't have been allowed to speak at all, and why would she want to now and risk drawing attention to herself?

Kara tried to be as invisible as possible, although the last few days she had left her room to be with him in the mornings during breakfast, before he left for work. He thought about giving her a laptop with his Netflix password… but he preferred the intelligence of books and reading all sorts of genres. And, it was simpler. Sitting, enjoying a book. The internet was so full of distractions and mind-boggling or hateful content, and she just seemed to need to breathe. To relax. It was… somehow nice to disconnect. To sit in the garden and pick flowers. (She always kept a small one in her book, using it as a bookmark and then replacing it when it wilted.) 

She must have thought Mon-El didn’t know, sneaking out into the garden when he wasn’t home and then being back politely in her room reading when he returned. _Please_ , he learned the art of stealth a long, long time ago. There were tiny bits of grass next to the door where she had tracked the slightest amount in. And if a petal dropped, she didn’t usually notice, and he would find it on the carpet. She might be silent, but she certainly didn’t know how to be sneaky. Something more to teach her… one day… if she wanted.

Really, it seemed that Kara was very intent to behave, being consistently polite and silent and out of the way. She tried her best to follow his rules, even though there weren’t really any. Until one day… she didn’t. 

"You know you’re not allowed in my study.” Mon-El heard her open the door and slip through. 

She was testing him, seeing how far she could push it before he threw her out or snapped at her or struck her across the cheek. At least, that’s what he guessed she was doing. She was being bold. But it was somehow also rooted in insecurity. She didn't trust that he wouldn't snap and eventually harm her, so she tested him to see if she could elicit a reaction. 

Kara walked through the library towards his private working space, not stopping her movements even after he had firmly reminded her of his rule. He gave her another warning, looking up from his book. 

“ _Kara…_ ” he pulled his glasses off and set them on the small table next to his ornate chair, thinking about getting up to throw her out. But she just wandered straight over to him, lifting up the arm holding his book so that she could duck underneath, to promptly slide herself into his lap. Leaning her back against the arm of the chair, she let her legs dangle over the other side, and had put herself in the way of his line of view, looking up at him expectantly. Mon-El huffed, no longer able read his book because there was a set of huge puppydog eyes in the way. 

“Have I not been giving you enough attention, sweetheart?”

She chewed her bottom lip, self-satisfied that he had interpreted her bold actions correctly. Her eyes continued to work their magic on him, and he tried to hate it. To resist. But how could he? 

He was suppose to be throwing her out. But instead, Mon-El found himself resettling his glasses on his nose, an arm wrapped around her torso to hold his book within view, and the other calmly placed atop her leg as she leaned into his chest while he read aloud to her.

She tucked her head into his collar, so she could follow along with his reading, and his hand found a home keeping her safe as it lightly held her knee, his thumb brushing against it, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.  

 

*

 

Another week passed, and she was taking a shower in HIS ensuite. That little MONKEY! She had her own bloody bathroom down the hall, yet she was using his. He had told her off for it last week, instructing her to use the other one, and since then, she had taken to sneaking into his to have her showers EVERY DAY. 

He narrowed his eyes and leaned back into his pillow, waiting for her to hurry up so he could have his morning shower, and get along to his business meetings. She was pressing him again to see if he would hit her for not obeying instructions. He should be glad of a little rebellious streak, since it showed a little confidence on her part… but it was ANNOYING. THAT LITTLE BRAT. 

The only rules he gave her were ones for her own good, so he expected her to keep them. Not opening the door. Staying out of sight. Not using his real name. And his study… well.. that was just a blanket rule, no one was allowed in there, because it was strictly business and he couldn’t have prying eyes or distractions around his work activities. 

This one was more for selfish purposes, since he hated to be late to meetings and liked to have his own fucking bathroom. Couldn’t he just have this one thing? He let himself seethe until she appeared in a simple dress and warm cashmere cardigan, her hair still damp as she rubbed it with a towel. All thoughts of scolding and nuisance promptly faded when he saw her, dressed in soft blue and warm grey. 

_Damn her._  

She stalked off to her room, expressionless, but she might as well have been smirking. At least that’s how he felt right now. Mon-El growled and got up, shutting the door to finally have his shower. He was relieved that he could… _lavender?_   _Oh no. JUST NO!_  Her shampoo was in _HIS SHOWER_. 

He scrunched his hands into fists and tried not to let the billowing steam mixed with the scent of lavender and honey piss him off. 

 

*

 

 

When he appeared in the kitchen after his shower, Kara was already waiting for him. She was walking around completely fine now, munching on a golden pear when he passed her. He tried to ignore the droplets slipping from her mouth and dripping down her chin, being gloriously juicy and ripe, continuing to the cupboard while rolling his eyes at himself. 

“What’s that?” Kara was inquisitive as he put a spoon in the coffee grinds, about to make his morning cup. 

“Coffee. Would you like some?” He was considering it, but it probably wouldn’t be very good for her. He would have to make it weak, and mostly milk and sugar. Which could be okay… plenty of calories. 

“Uhm. Please?” She sat in a stool and continued her breakfast, and he made a dark coffee for himself, and an extremely light latte for Kara. 

“I’m sorry to be out most of the day again, but I have someone really important coming in to work soon and need to make sure everything goes smoothly, all the final preparations. Stuff like that."

“Is it dangerous?”

“No, Kara.” He chuckled, finding it sweet that she thought he might not be able to handle himself. “She’s just a bit.. uhm. She doesn’t like guys? A bit hateful?It’s hard to explain.” He passed her the cup and she inspected it before taking a sip, screwing her nose up at the slight bitterness.

“It’s yuck.” 

“Oh wow. You know that half of the entire WORLD drinks coffee?” He laughed, and she narrowed her eyes at him, wondering who actually drinks this shit. 

"Give it here.” He flicked his fingers and she passed it to him, allowing Mon-El to breeze over to the pantry and dump a hefty amount of drinking chocolate in it, turning it into a mocha. She eyed it again and took another tentative sip. 

“Better?”

She nodded, and continued drinking it. 

“Is there anything I can get you while I’m out?”

She shook her head, still not comfortable enough to make her own requests. So he let it slide and went to his study to gather up his things. 

“I’ll be back when I can.”

 

*

 

The sun was setting when he pulled up, having arrived home after a long day of work, meeting with his Mother about Roulette's shipment and jewellery order, and enjoying a quick beer with Eve while they went over the monthly reports for the bar and a few things she had noticed around Daxam that needed repairs. It wasn’t a particularly interesting day, just more things to do in his never ending list in keeping up with running the family business. He wasn’t feeling tired exactly, at least not physically – he was fit and strong and it wasn’t like anything today required much of him, other than his mental capacity. But he was weary. Somehow. 

And he missed Lena. What? Pffff. No... what kind of emotional bullshit was that. Sure he hadn’t seen her in a good while and was keeping a secret from her. But she was busy, too. They each had their family businesses to attend to and parents lording over them at every turn, despite being fully grown adults. She wouldn’t give a shit that he hadn’t called her lately or surprised dropped in with a box of pizza and a bottle of Merlot. 

They were busy. And it was unimportant to keep friends. Keeping each of their houses thriving in both power and income was of utmost importance. As long as he did that, his Mother would be off his case, and he could do whatever he liked. And Lena was likely doing the same, managing Luthor-Corp and keeping the House of Luthor in its position as feared and respected. 

When he pulled his boots off at the door, it was quiet, like it always was. He didn’t really feel like eating anything, and might consider going to bed early for once, after checking that Kara was fine. He was surprised to tilt her door open a fraction and find she wasn’t in her room. 

“Kara?” He checked upstairs, wondering if maybe she had finally been curious enough to make her way up to the second floor, but that was empty too. The only other place she could be (other than snooping around his study – gods help her if she was) was out in the garden. Surely it was too cold for that?

The glass sliding door barely made a sound as he moved it and slipped out into the fading light, spotting her not far away. She was sitting on the edge of the fountain, tracing circles in the water at its edge with her finger, swirling it around and mumbling quietly to herself. 

“…I don’t think so. Maybe. But so far it’s been fine… I’m. I’m not sure.”

"Kara?"

She seemed surprised that he was home, let alone standing there when she looked up, pulling back a little stunned. She then seemed to move her attention to her surroundings, observing the lower tones of light in the sky as if suddenly becoming aware that it was much later than she had thought. ...And that she didn’t even notice the sound of his car pulling up. 

“Were you… talking to yourself?” He was more curious than judgemental… he talked to himself all the time. Just. Not out loud. Obviously. He wonders what she says. What she thinks about. Curiouser and curiouser. 

She gripped the edge of the fountain. Like it was her own little secret, and didn’t know how to respond to him. It didn’t bother him that she was outside, or that she seemed to be talking to someone completely imaginary… but still her gut reaction seemed to be fear. It was written all over her face.

“Never mind, come on inside. It’s cold.”

 

*

 

Mon-El was getting really sick of waking up in the middle of the night. But this time, it was caused by a slight weight pressing into his chest. He looked down to see messy golden waves and a pair of arms wrapped tightly around his upper body. What the heck? How on Earth did he sleep through that? His subconscious usually woke him up at the slightest of dangers or sounds, and yet Kara had managed to slip into his bed and was clinging him like that pillow she carried around everywhere. A handful of black t-shirt in her grip near his ribs, and her head resting softly tucked into his collar. He was almost getting a mouthful of hair but couldn’t really move anything except his neck and head – unless he wanted to shift suddenly and give her a fright.

He should wake her and take her back to her room. He knows he should. But she’s asleep. At least, he thinks she is, and he doesn’t know what brought her here. Nightmares? A need for comfort? He’s not sure… and he doesn’t want to scold and punish her for seeking out the means to get a good night's sleep.

But. She shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t allow it.

“Kara? What are you doing here?” He was quiet and soft with his voice, but she tensed and he knew then that she was awake, tucking her head further into his chest as though she could hide from him, gripping him tightly.

“Are you okay? Were you… having nightmares?”

She was still. Until she nodded lightly into his shirt and he found his hand coming up involuntarily to smooth down her hair.

“You know no one can hurt you here. You can have your own space. You’re safe.” He tried to explain.

“Warm.” She mumbled. And he realized she was selfishly using him as her own personal heater. Maybe if she slept IN her bed instead of under it, she wouldn’t get so cold. Mon-El would have to make sure to give her some extra blankets now that the weather had been getting cooler. (Perhaps something soft that she couldn’t resist, to entice her from her safe space on the floor.) He forgets that his normal temperature runs hotter than most, and of course she would feel the cold a lot easier, being extremely thin.

“You shouldn’t really be in here, Kara.”

She tensed up even more, but didn’t move or release him. Waiting for him to kick her out. Perhaps she just wanted to know if he would handle her roughly for being displeased… pressing him yet again. Or perhaps she was simply cold and afraid and alone. 

He couldn’t do it. He knew he should kick her out, and it certainly would not be happening again… but Mon-El didn’t want her to think he was punishing her, and sabotage what little trust he had possibly gained. Plus… could he really be bothered shifting her at this point? He only had one eye open, and to get up now would just be added hassle. 

“Just for tonight.” He let his voice be firm, setting another rule for her so she knew he expected her to follow his boundaries. After tonight though, since he couldn’t be bothered making a fuss and moving her back to her room right now. He felt Kara relax again, softly letting her weight settle into his chest, while he inwardly kicked himself (for the millionth time) for how weak he was around her. 

When he woke up in the morning, she was gone, and he thought perhaps it was all a strange dream. But the distinct smell of lavender and honey floated to his nose letting him know it wasn’t just his mind playing tricks on him in the night.

**


	10. Finders, Keepers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Kara finds a small item that has fallen under the bed.]

There was a small possibility that Mon-El had gotten used to having Kara around, and sometimes caught himself accidentally staring when she wasn’t looking… Admiring her mysterious facial expressions and curiosity. Pausing on the soft lines of her face that had the slightest hint of blush. The way she fidgeted nervously and then stilled her hand by wrapping her fingers up in the long curls falling around her face – twirling around a strand or two to slow her movements into a familiar rhythm. 

 

This morning he was leaning on the frame of the door again, and he didn’t mean to sneak up on her, but his silent movements were naturally ingrained now. Occupational hazard. 

He watched from the doorway as Kara held something small and delicate in her fingers, having walked her way over to the tiny glimmer of morning sunlight peeking through the window. She was holding it up and twirling it about, inspecting it in the light, and seemed fascinated by the way the gold ring she had found glinted as she turned it.  Distracted by the small item, she hadn’t yet noticed Mon-El’s presence. 

Mon-El started to float over to her while she seemed in wonder of the piece of jewellery, and he kept in a chuckle, having noticed that most women seemed to have a strange weakness for shiny things. 

“Whatcha got there?” 

Kara jumped, spinning around and looking like a stunned possum, having dropped it onto the carpet in her hurried fright, struggling to find words to apologize and not look like a thief in the home of the one who rescued her and took her in. 

“I… but…” she stammered and her heart was racing in her chest, her fingers shaking as she curled them into fists to try steady herself. When she met his gaze, it was soft, not at all accusing, but she quickly turned her eyes to his feet and held her head down, submitting to him instantly and awaiting punishment - even if he didn’t know it wasn’t how it looked. She tried to steady her breathing, biting down hard and keeping still. Waiting.

Mon-El simply walked over and bent down to pick the dainty item up off the floor, noticing that she was a little tense. Gently bringing up one of her arms from its place locked at her side, he uncurled her fingers till her palm lay flat – face up and open to receive a gift. 

“Finders, Keepers.” He just gave her a small nod, and she seemed stunned – puzzled that he would just so casually give her something of value. "If you’d like it, then it’s yours.” He shrugged and didn’t see why Kara couldn’t have it. Once upon a time it was probably Lena’s, but that girl had jewellery and designer clothes coming out of her ears, so she wouldn’t miss it. Lena was the one that taught him ‘ finders, keepers' anyway… it was only fair, right? 

Kara's hand gently closed around the small golden chevron, clutching it tight like it was suddenly important to her, but not able to say anything. Mon-El didn’t really mind, she still struggled to find words and it didn’t bother him. She wasn’t going to learn to go against everything that was beaten into her just overnight. So Mon-El didn’t wait for her to say thank you, he simply commented on the weather before leaving her be.

“Cold out. But the sunshine is nice. Maybe we can find something to do out in the garden later when I’m back from work… if the weather warms up a bit. Breakfast?”

 

*

[Flashback scene. Here Mon-El is 13, and Lena is 16.]

 

“THAT'S MINE.” Mon-El was livid.

"Is not."

"Is TOO!"

“Finders, Keepers.” Lena winked with a sly expression tilting her lips up at the sides a little, remembering how she and Mike used that excuse to steal each others things when they were slightly younger. They still used it as often as they could.

"Don’t be such a bitch, Lena!!"

“Oh, don’t be so sour. You’re no fun." She pouted, walking over to Mike and holding it out for him, pretending like she was going to give it back. At the last second, she smirked and tugged it away from him, out of reach from his grasp and laughing.

"GIVE ME MY KNIFE BACK, LENA!"

"Oh please, you don’t even know how to use it properly." She spun it around showing off, twirling it perfectly balanced on the heel of her thumb before catching it, and then making is entirely disappear with sleight of hand. Knives were her weapon of choice, and this one was particularly glorious. It appeared again, in her other hand this time, and she grinned. “This is a fine blade.”

“URGH!” Mon-El felt heat rising up the back of his neck. Lena watched with glee, enjoying the power she had over the younger male.  

Recently, Mon-El had been given both his first weapons from his father. To be honest, she had noticed that he was taking rather well to the use of his gun, and had a great eye. It wouldn’t take long for him to become a flawless shot. Pffff... but his knife skill definitely needed work. 

Lena spoke up again, seeing if she could entice a little fun… "Tell you what. You beat me in a fight, and I’ll give it back..."

“DONE!” He was impatient and ready to slam her for being so annoying.  

They sparred together often, and were fairly evenly matched. She was older and more skilled, but he had the slight advantage of male strength, which continued to increased as he got older, slowly catching up to her. Mon-El could put up a good fight, though she often won. 

He would be filling out soon, and by then she would have to rely on strategy a lot more than just overpowering him. She had been lazy, knowing she had always been stronger than the young male. But he wasn’t going to be a cub much longer. Eventually, he would beat her. 

She hadn’t realized that today was going to be that day. 

After a flurry of movement and sound, a few pains in her side, a whack to her jaw, and giving him a blood nose, he had pinned her down. 

Still pissed off that she wouldn’t relinquish one of his prized possessions, Mon-El formed a fist, pulling back and planning on giving her at least a split lip for once. Bringing it down towards her face, Lena flicked her head out of the way at the last moment, and his punch went into the ground with a loud thump, before his knuckles began to bleed. She went for a cheap shot, slapping him around the ear and it made a much louder whack than she intended. 

“Bloody HELL, Lena!” He gripped his ear with a hand, growling while pinning her against the throat with his other arm flush against her neck, leaning on her windpipe just in case she decided to try her luck flipping them over. His ears were still ringing slightly, the dizziness of her knocking him against the side of his head making his focus slightly blurry. 

But he was stronger than her. Finally. 

Lena held her hands up, letting her surrender be known, and still wearing that stupid smirk. “I’m impressed. It’s not often you beat me. ...Still gave you a blood nose though.” She poked her tongue out to goad him, trying not to let his win make her feel any less powerful or in control. 

“I beat you all the time. Now GIVE ME what is _MINE!_ ” His low growl let her know he wasn’t fucking around. The pair spared for fun, but his knife was a gift from his father. It was his symbol of honour and acceptance. His allegiance to the family bond. When he had finally turned 13, he was introduced to what it meant to truly be a Gand. Solidifying his place in the family inheritance and business. 

Lena reached slowly behind her and then gave it to him, but not without a low blow that was probably uncalled for. She hated to lose, and maybe took it a bit too far with her comment. “That knife doesn’t make you any less adopted. You’re still never going to be a true Gand, not in her eyes, _MON-EL._ ” 

“DON’T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN!” He swiftly pressed the knife to Lena's throat, and she immediately realized her mistake. He would never _really_ hurt her… surely? She was like an older sister to him. 

Maybe he was a Gand, after all. 

“I’m sorry, Mike. I shouldn’t have said that.” She shoved his arm away from her neck watching the knife retreat with it, trying to make it look like she was confidently pushing him away with a roll of her eyes. But to be honest, there was a least a small flicker of fear in her that she didn’t expect. 

Lena watched him spin around and stomp off, leaving her in the Gand's courtyard to brush off her jeans and straighten her shirt. That was probably her cue to walk home. 

 

* 

[Present]

It was afternoon, and Mon-El was still out. She had always wondered what was up the stairs… looking at them, but knowing she was too weak to climb them when she had first arrived. Mon-El didn’t go up there much, although occasionally she heard footsteps above her bedroom and knew he was wandering up there. 

Today she wasn’t really in the mood to go out in the garden. It was cold and she had already wrapped up warm in her favourite cardigan, drifting around the house in a pair of lilac striped socks. Perhaps curiosity would get the better of her, and she would venture up the stairs later on. 

She helped herself to a glass of water for the first time since being here (and the first time in literal years), and for some reason she couldn’t help but feel shaky as she pressed the glass to her lips, despite the fact that no one was here and she knew she was allowed to. Her body just rejected the idea so much that fear crept down her arms into her fingertips, making the glass shake and difficult to hold. She forced herself to drink, and then sighed in slight frustration as she went to fill it again. Taking the water, she began to float about Mon-El’s house to water a few of his indoor plants. 

She had never seen him do it, but he must, since they were lavish and healthy, and one in particular was almost as tall as she was – a sharp tropical-like fern that was smooth to the touch and deep forest green. She was never really allowed outside before coming here. But when it was too cold for the garden, she still got to admire the bits of nature placed elegantly around Mon-El’s large home. 

When she had emptied the glass carefully around the base of the fern, she turned to go back and refill it, only to spin too quickly on the marble floors, slipping in her socks and falling. 

“OOMPH!” Hitting the ground, she landed on her elbow and accidentally let go of the glass, wincing as she heard it shatter. She blinked a few times, feeling pain seep up her side from where she had knocked both her hip and ribs against the ground. As she came too, her eyes went wide seeing the shattered glass all over the floor.

_Shit._

A slick cut started to bleed from her palm, leaving droplets on the white floors, and when she placed her hands down to lift herself up she saw smudges of red streaking across the smooth surface, feeling a stinging shot of pain against her skin. 

_Shit shit shit._

She pulled her socks off and jumped up, using one to press tightly into the slit leaking red from her hand. Looking around frantically for something to clean the floors with, she knew Mon-El wouldn’t be home until later, and she had plenty of time… but she couldn’t help but panic a little bit. What if he threw her out and abandoned her?

Scooting over to the kitchen, Kara opened the cupboard, getting distracted for a moment when she noticed the shelves there had more ornate bottles of alcohol stacked inside than actual food items, but quickly spotted some paper towels and grabbed them. She moved to wipe the blood from the floors, cleaning meticulously before she started to gather up the broken glass, feeling calmer as the floors got closer and closer to becoming clean.

Ugh! How did he keep the place so NEAT? She couldn’t really believe that he was the kind of person that did his own cleaning, but she was yet to see any servants about his home. His gardens were perfect. But… he lived alone. And didn’t seem to ever have anyone else on his property. Did he have friends? People that attended to his hedges? Okay, thoughts for another time. She needed to get the last tiny bits of glass off the floor before he really DID give her a beating.

Kara sighed as she inspected her completed handiwork. The floor was clean. And her hand had finally stopped bleeding. Although, she didn’t know what to do with the two socks she had destroyed by soaking the cotton with blood. She could wash them… but… destroying the evidence was probably better. She put them in the trash with the paper towels, ripping off a few more clean ones to place on top for good measure and then leaning against the counter when she was done. She could finally breathe again.

Having successfully destroyed her mood, suddenly nothing seemed appealing to pass the time. She could pick up her current book to relax where she last left it, but the thought just seemed to require far too much energy. But knowing she would return to her room when the sound of Mon-El’s car came in, she didn’t particularly want to return to her cave just yet. And she had planned on maybe going upstairs. Just. For a look. 

She wandered over to the couch instead, sitting down and putting her feet up on his table just because she could, and began to twirl her hair, lost in thought. She sat for a wee while to recover from her latest source of panic, but became calm after a time just sitting and letting herself breathe. 

Eventually, her curiosity crept back in. She bit her lip. 

Before rising off the couch to go explore. 

Wandering though the house to the staircase, she felt a memory hit the blockades in her mind for a moment before it disappeared again, and she crept up the stairs to the second floor.

It wasn’t really what she expected. Although... she didn’t know what she expected. At the top of the stairs, it simply opened out into a huge room. Only one, the size of the _entire bottom floor_ , and three sides were made almost entirely of glass, completely flooding the area in sunlight, with a distant view of the ocean. It was glorious. 

In the center of a room sat a grand piano, lonely and yet somehow inviting, and she wondered why she had never heard Mon-El play. Unsurprisingly, there were more books stacked on a coffee table and some filling a shelf to her left. There were bean bags around and a long window seat in one of the windows. Gods, why hadn’t she been up here before? This was definitely going to be a new favourite spot.

She walked down the far end to peek out the window some more, leaning her knee against the window seat to look down, able to see the garden she often roamed and what it looked like from above. She could see the winding pathways to the far edges of the garden, and past the hedges she could also see all the way to the cliff edge, and the expanse of blue that made up the horizon. 

Shrugging, Kara climbed into the window seat, closing her eyes to bask in the light. At some point, she must have fallen asleep in the warmth of the sunshine. 

 

 

*

“I was wondering when I was going to finally find you up here.” Mon-El smiled, and watched as Kara shot up in the window seat, having dozed off in the sun. He shouldn’t have startled her, he realized, seeing panic awash her face. 

“It’s lovely, isn’t it?” He tried to calm her with light conversation. She was allowed to wander his house. He felt pity grow in the bottom of his stomach that she couldn’t bask in simple pleasures without fear of getting caught simply enjoying herself. 

When she didn’t answer, he just moved his gaze to the one of the other windows, putting his hands on his hips to look out and enjoy the view for a few long moments, letting her settle without him staring her down. 

“Do you play?”  He didn’t move to face her when he asked the question, still staring out the window, wondering if maybe he would be lucky enough to get an answer. She had started to talk a little bit, but only while comfortable. And that seemed to be solely reserved for breakfast times now that it had become a solid part of their routine.

Of course, when she didn’t answer, he simply moved to the piano, sitting at it and noting it had been quite some time since he last played.  The lid had a layer of dust on it, and Mon-El should probably do some more cleaning. It was something he usually did as stress relief, hilariously enough, either on weekends or late at night when he couldn’t sleep.

Bringing the cover up to reveal the pristine keys, his fingers found their way to familiar movements, falling into their own natural rhythm and into a slow and moody piece. Flowing and original and one that didn’t require any thought or effort. 

 

*

 

She watched as he sat down and started to play. And she couldn’t believe that this was the same person that shot people for a living. His hands seemed to float, and she was left mostly staring at his back, hearing a somber and melancholic tune rise from the piano, low and deep and beautiful. She had used to play when she was a girl – their family home had a piano. But she wasn’t particularly good at it. But this…. it was smooth and peaceful. He seemed to be making it up as he went, somehow making velvet sounds of calm float through the room. 

He was fascinating. 

She leaned back and let the evening light wash over her feet as she just absorbed the music. Letting it sink in and soothe her anxious mind. At some point, the music must have stopped, and when she opened her eyes again, she was fiddling with her new ring and Mon-El was walking over to her. 

“I can teach you, if you like.” 

She liked the sound of that. But... her musical abilities were pretty limited. Maybe in time she coul–

“–Kara, what happened to your hand?” His voice boomed through her thoughts, and she looked down at the long slice across her palm. It was no longer bleeding, but it was open and obvious and he was clearly displeased. 

“I... Nothing. It’s nothing.” She mumbled quietly, turning her hand over to cover it from his view.

“That’s not nothing. What did you do?” 

 _No no no._ She couldn’t. Suddenly remembering her earlier screw up, fear began to grow in her chest rising like a swift tide, and her useless mind was already tossing about like waves. Her entire body tensed and she could no longer handle answering a simple question, the fear of being found out forcing her thoughts into a tangled mess of motion. It was an accident! It really was! But he wouldn’t understand. And it was silly and stupid and inconvenient and she didn’t want him to have yet another petty little thing to deal with. It was nothing. 

She couldn’t handle being in his presence any longer, quickly moving to get up. “I’m fine.” She muttered quickly as she pushed past him, rushing down the stairs and back to the safety of her room.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. We finally find out a bit more to Mon-Els backstory. For my fic, this is the reverse of the canon Lena storyline. (The one about Lillian not being Lena’s real mother in Supergirl.) Lar Gand is Mon-El’s father, but Rhea is not his mother by blood. Mon-El’s true mother is dead, and he was brought home to live with Lar Gand and Rhea. He was already 4 at the time, meaning she never got to bond with him, and also developed a partial hatred for him due to the symbolism of Lar’s unfaithfulness. He was renamed when he officially became a part of the Gand family. 
> 
> And... some Kara POV. 
> 
> Hope it's okay. And as always big thank you to my superbeta @maybetomorrow. xo


	11. Wonderland.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Coping mechanisms come in many forms.]

He swirled his coffee with a spoon, lingering on the memory of how peaceful Kara seemed in the window seat bathed in light... before merely his presence in the room sent her into grimaces of fear. He had asked about the strange cut on her hand yesterday evening, and then she just… took off. He was trying. He really was. And she seemed to be responding to him, but then she would just… Ugh. Whatever. 

She was perplexing. But, she was damaged. Like he was before he found ways to cope. Maybe he could teach her some things to boost her confidence. Some self defence skills or something. 

Mon-El was getting closer and closer to asking Kara if she had somewhere she wanted to go – perhaps family to find and reconnect with. She was healing up okay, slowly. But she was… quiet. Asking personal questions about her seemingly disastrous lifestyle didn’t seem quite right just yet. She was still recovering. Not all her bruises had even left her body yet. 

Maybe he was just delaying. It was nice to have someone to come home to. Someone who didn’t expect anything from him. For once, his large home wasn’t just… empty. 

Ugh. Mon-El slipped a shot of whiskey in his morning coffee for a bit of a buzz, feeling like he earned a bit of indulgence. What was wrong with a bit of alcohol so early in the morning? If it would erase the strange mix of confusion and pity gnawing holes in his gut. 

He couldn’t help but notice that Kara still joined him for breakfast that morning, though she was especially quiet. She wandered down the hall at the same time she usually did, and seemed to at least enjoy this part of their day. She walked over to where he was just about to sit down, choosing the stool next to his so that she could sit closely to him. 

He took a sip of his drink, feeling her eyes on him. 

“You know I won’t hurt you, right?” He spoke suddenly as he offered her a sip of his coffee, forgetting for a moment he had put whiskey in it. Luckily she declined his offer.

She just bit her lip and nodded.

Was she agreeing with him because she believed him? Or because she thought she had to agree? He stretched over to the bowl for an apple for her when she didn’t help herself, setting it down on the counter in front of her quietly. 

“Do you have to go today, Mon-El?” She looked up at him nervously, piercing him with those deep ocean blue eyes. 

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

She just looked down at the counter and dipped her gaze away from him. “Ok.” Kara moved to gingerly take the apple from its place in front of her and hold it – fiddling with it in her hands but not eating it yet. 

“I’ll come home a bit earlier today. How does that sound?”

She looked up at him again. And seemed... hopeful? She nodded lightly, before returning her attention to her light breakfast, trying to munch quietly as he finished his coffee in silence. 

Gods. She really was perplexing...

*

The moment she heard the low thrum of his car disappear, she dragged herself back to her room to pull on an extra layer, feeling her heart drop a little like it did every time he left. She pulled on a grey sweater, running her fingers down the luxurious fabric. It was so soft and warm.  The mornings were always bloody freezing, but if the sun came out for long enough the afternoons were crisp and fresh and wonderful. It would be snowing in a month or so. If she got to stay that long. She hoped so.

Kara pulled on a scarf, wrapping it carefully before venturing up the stairs. She wasn’t any good at piano. But. She could teach herself. Mon-El had offered to teach her… but, this would give her something to do. Something to learn and invest her time into and maybe one day soon... it would be something that would please him.

She lifted her eyes and sighed, seeing the way the top floor was filled with light. It was sunny and absolutely beautiful. Bright unobscured light that would have burned her eyes once. But she was getting used to the alluring beams that filled the airy and open rooms of Mon-El’s home. 

The piano in the middle looked so enticing, a shimmering black coming from where the sun hit its smooth edges. She moved to sit at it, cradling her damaged hand in her lap while she lifted the other to the keys. She closed her eyes for a moment trying to will any recollections of notes or song to come to the surface, before she gingerly started to play. 

She remembered a few thing – surprisingly. As if there were memories in her fingertips that just lay dormant until she started to let her fingers drift across the keys. It wasn’t smooth or beautiful like when Mon-El played. But with only one hand for now, she got to concentrate on each note, relearning a few simple chords by ear. Trying out things. Making mistakes and then correcting herself. 

Kara continued to get lost… floating on the ocean of lingering sounds.

 

*

 

She found herself out in the garden again, not really remembering how she got there. Thank gods it had started to warm up a bit. The sky was perfectly clear, allowing the sun to melt the feelings seeping into her body and soothe her tense muscles. 

“Hello again, Kara.”

“Hi, Duke.” She watched curiously as the goldfish in the fountain swam up to her, greeting her as she past by. He was nice. She had talked to him about Mon-El the other day, when she needed to work a few things out. She leaned over to the trellis, reaching up to pick a few fresh stems with yellow flowers on them to take with her as she wandered. Making her way past the fountains, Kara walked into the nearby rose garden, admiring the way the flowers seemed to stand up against the weather.

A white butterfly landed on a nearby leaf, fluttering its wings slightly as she approached.

“Hi, darling.” Kara spoke to the beautiful winged creature. 

“It’s cold, Kara.”

“I know. But it’s so lovely out here.” She continued to mumble, twirling the flowers in her hands and picking off petals.

“Are you alright?”

“I. ...I don’t know.” She had started counting the petals as she picked them off. Asking herself whether her rescuer would eventually abandon her or not. She had nothing. She would always have nothing. But… now… 

“What are you thinking about?” 

“He’s gonna leave me. Kick me out. Eventually he will. I dunno... I can just feel it.” She sighed, wondering how long this beautiful place she had to roam and wander was going to last.

“Are you so sure, Kara?” 

“ _….leave me… leave me not… leave me… leave me not…_ ” Her head tumbled from side to side, making swaying movements as she counted. 

“Do you really think counting petals is an accurate way to gain advice, Kara?”

“You’re a garden creature. You’re one to talk.” 

“Touché.” The small white butterfly flicked it’s wings again but stayed nearby. 

“What’s your name? You’re really pretty. Do you have a home? I don’t have a home…” Kara lost track of how many petals she had picked off while talking, and just chucked the remnants of the flowers on the ground in a heap. 

“Hope. And this garden is my home.”

“That's a lovely name. Do you like living here?” Kara stared at the patterns on its wings, following the light lines as she questioned.

“I do.”

“Must be nice.” She shrugged. “Having the freedom you have. Having somewhere you get to call home. ...Not having to worry.”  

“What do you have to worry about?”

“I just. I dunno. For the first time I have... something. I don’t know what it is. But I have it. And I’m afraid to lose it.”

“Then make sure you don’t.”

“Obviously." Kara rolled her eyes. She began to chew her fingernails and listen to the distant sounds of the ocean coming from beyond the cliffs. The butterfly floated up from it’s place perched on the leaves. “Will I see you again?” She asked as it started to drift away.

“Maybe, Kara. That depends entirely on you.” 

 

—

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I'm in a bad mood I make impulsive decisions. Like writing new chapters and posting them without editing. Oops. Short and sweet this time around.


	12. First Lesson.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mon came home a little early from work that day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta is the best person in the world. @maybetomorrow thanks for playing whack-a-mole with me. Updates wouldn't happen without your glorious support and editing skills xo.

He was reading a book when she came up behind him, sliding her hand under his shirt and down towards his thigh, almost making it underneath his belt before he caught her wrist. Gripping her hand, he turned to her, even though a slight fire was starting to stir in his belly.

“You won’t gain favor with me by doing that.” Mon-El was firm. Lightly holding her wrist, and then releasing it. Kara looked down as if she had been stung, turning her head away from him.

Putting his finger under her chin, Mon-El gently tilted her head upwards back towards him, letting her beautiful gaze settle into his.

“It’s not that I don’t find you desirable, Kara. But this… this thing you’re doing…. It’s not a requirement.”

“But what if I _want_ to?” She was doing that darned thing with her lip, the blue of her eyes making him melt. Gods she didn’t know what effect she had on him. He felt so weak, and honestly he’d like nothing more than to take her lips in his until they were satisfied and swollen and thoroughly kissed. All of her movements weakened him, and he couldn’t explain it. Flippin' heck. 

He clenched his jaw to swallow his building desire and tried to ignore what she was implying. She was…. _no_. It wasn’t right.

“I don’t believe you really _do_ want to, Kara. You’re scared of me, and want to please me, so that I continue to keep you from harm. That’s the way you’ve learned to survive. But you are your own person now and get to make your own choices…. you don’t get brownie points for making sexual advances.”

“What are brownie points?” She screwed her face up in confusion, but at least he had quickly defused the situation. 

“Uhh… lesson for another time. Let’s teach you something that might make you feel a bit safer hmm? Come.” Mon-El rose to his feet and dropped the book into his chair, taking Kara out down the hall, crossing over the large living area to open the glass doors. He left them open, taking her out into the sunshine of his huge garden.

“Where are we going, Mon-El?” She was genuinely curious, following a few paces behind. She was eager to learn – that was good – he had a lot to teach her if she was going to survive in his world.

“You mustn’t call me that.”

“You said in private.” She challenged him, and he couldn’t help but adore the deep crinkle between her brow that told him she was _grumpy with him_. It almost made him laugh.

“That I did… “ He chuckled. “Alright, you win, I’m sorry.” 

He wandered though the courtyard past a large ornate fountain, past the roses and under a natural archway. Taking her into a wider area that had stone paths twisting between sections of lovely greenery, Kara glanced at collections of softly coloured flowers. They moved deeper, turning down one of the pathways that led out towards the cliffs, finding an open area at the outermost edge. There was a large tree that had circles carved into it, and behind that, a way down to the cliffs, next to the ocean. 

“Target practice,” he announced, pointing to the tree. If she missed, there way no where really to go – either hitting the hedge, or beyond that, any stay bullets would fall down rugged clay and rocks toward uninhabited waters. 

He let her sit on a bench, watching him take his gun out and load it. The silencer wasn’t really necessary, but it was peaceful out here so he preferred to put it on. He took aim while looking at Kara and not even towards the target, showing off as he pulled the trigger, letting a bullet fly. Sure enough, it landed perfectly on target, dead centre. 

She wasn’t even impressed, and just rolled her eyes. 

“It's harder than it looks! Come here.”

She promptly obeyed, rising from her seat and approaching him. He arranged her to stand balanced, teaching her without actually giving her the gun just yet, and then lifting her arm with his supporting it, as if to take aim. Standing behind her, his body pressed into hers, and he felt Kara's warmth and softness settle calmly into his solid frame as he lined their arms up as if they were one. After instructing her a little more, he placed the gun in her hand, still guiding it perfectly with his underneath her wrist, supporting it. His other hand was wrapped around her waist, holding her steady by placing it gently on her stomach, looking over her shoulder at their target. 

“You have to actually open your eyes for this to work,” he chuckled. She was getting ready for it to fire and tensing up, shutting one of her eyes. He let her take her time, feeling the adjustments to her breathing as she soothed and became calm against him, before he encouraged her to take her first shot. 

“See? Down the barrel there, and once its lined up, you can just pull back your finger. Whenever you want.” He held her hand steady, and she was concentrating so hard that he could feel it. He pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. She was adorable. 

“It’s that easy?” she asked.

“Well, with me here it will be. Go on...”

She pulled the trigger back and made a shot, almost as perfect as his. It hit the middle, although not dead centre, and the smallest tug of a smile formed at the edge of her lips.

“Well done. Not too bad, was it?”

She nodded.

"Want to try by yourself?” He didn’t want to press her. She was unsure, but it was the best way to learn.

“It doesn’t matter if you miss. We can’t hurt anyone here. As long as it goes in that general direction, you can take as many shots as you like. You re-load it like this, here.” He motioned for it and took it from her to pull it back and fire, doing the motion a few times between shots to show her how easy it was. 

“Super simple. Hold on a sec, I’ll put some more bullets in it.”

He took a box out of his jacket pocket and walked a few paces to the stone table to put it down and flick it open. She didn’t really see what happened after that, since was so natural and quick for him to do. 

“Here you go. Practice as much as you want.”

 

*

 

It had taken her a while to get the hang of, but she was getting there. The long shadows meant evening was well on its way, and he should probably take her inside before she got too cold. She never complained about anything, so he always had to gauge for her and make sure she wasn’t uncomfortable or hungry or utterly freezing. He was hoping she would speak up a little more as her confidence grew, but he was letting her take her time for now. 

“Come on. It’s getting late. I’ll start making us dinner.”

She took one more shot, hitting the centre and she smirked a little bit before handing him back his gun. 

“Well well well. I might have a little protege on my hands.”


	13. Nightmare.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's first lesson has unforeseen consequences.

 

She was in her family home again. The quaint wooden floors. Her mother’s gorgeous cooking filling her nose. A 14-year-old Alex was bouncing down the hall towards her with a card that she had only just finished writing on, trying to hide the huge yellow paper behind her back, and balancing a cupcake in her hand. The icing was yellow and had little silver sprinkles in it.

“Happy Birthday, Kara!”

“EEEEEE! GIMME!!!” She made squishy motions with her fingers, delightedly squealing at the glorious-looking sweet in front of her.

“ALEX! I said after dinner!”

“Sorry, Mom....” Alex gripped her sister’s arm and dragged her to the couch anyway. Kara was turning eleven today and had the brightest smile on earth. The older of the two just couldn’t wait – she had spent ages trying to get the icing right and had to rush to do the card after homework. She just wanted to see her little sis wiggling her shoulders excitedly at her gift.

“Girls! Come set the table!”

The sisters continued giggling on the couch, planning their midnight adventure. Sneaking downstairs late at night to steal sugary treats was a birthday tradition, and they had to make sure they had a torch each, so they didn’t need to turn on a light. Alex had dug around their father’s desk for some spare batteries, and popped them into Kara’s small pink flashlight… handing it to her like a secret deal was being made.

“I’ll come get you when it’s time...” She whispered to Kara, giving her a wink, and then swiping a bit of icing of the top of her cupcake with her finger.

“HEY!” Kara’s brow crinkled at the theft, but then they both broke out into giggles again.

“Too slow, sis! Come on, give me half!”

Kara scrunched her face up in concentration and proceeded to split the cupcake in half... taking the bigger side for herself and then handing the smaller half to her beautiful big sister. They munched quietly, smiling, until they were scolded again.

"GIRLS!!”

"Come on. Before Mom threatens to take our movie time away. Or your birthday cake...” Alex pulled on Kara’s arms to help her up off the couch, and the two bounded into the kitchen, setting the table like the little angels they were.

There was a beautiful extravagant dinner, followed by cake and candles, and of course, Kara got to make a wish.

 _I want to be big and strong and beautiful, just like Alex._ Her eyes were tightly screwed shut the entire time, and then she blew out the candles with one big puff, proud to make all eleven disappear. They were in darkness for only a moment. But that was all that was needed.

...

*CRASH!*

The ranch-slider completely shattered, glass flying across the wooden floors, and by the time Jeremiah flicked the light on, two men were in the house, one shooting her father straight between the eyes.

Kara screamed.

Her mother had abruptly pulled the chair out, blocking the girls’ vision and putting her hands up in surrender while quickly shouting instructions.

“Upstairs! GO!”

Kara could hear Eliza pleading for mercy as Alex gripped her hand and pulled her towards the stairs, before shoving her in front to run up the stairs first, covering Kara from behind.

_“....Please. My girls! You can have anything you want. Please. Just leave my girls...”_

She didn’t hear anything after that. Alex had shoved her into the bathroom and locked the door behind them.

“Get in the tub, Kara.”

“What?”

“Just do it. PLEASE.”

“What about you? We can both fit!”

Alex was trying to be strong. Her instinct was fight... when Kara’s was flight.

“Alex, _please_. I'm scared.”

The girls hopped in the tub together, her older sister wrapping her up and whispering into her hair. “Just breathe, Kara. You’re okay. We're okay. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Kara could feel her cheeks were wet, and her hair was sticking to them, the tears making her blonde locks settle into her vision. She was shaking. And suddenly everything felt cold and hollow. The lock wasn’t strong enough to stop the monster from bashing the door in, and Alex leapt up to kick and bite and struggle. To protect her little sister.

She kicked him the the groin earning a sickening growl, and her brown hair was pulled back tightly as she screeched and threw her weight around. Alex made sure to bite down on his arm, hard, drawing blood and kicking and screaming until he released her hair.

And then shot her.

 

*

 

"NO!! ALEX!!!!!!!”

She woke with a stabbing heart, a black chasm ripping down her middle and no breath in her lungs. The hollow ache returned to its usual spot, only this time spinning out of control. She couldn’t breathe.

“Kara?” Mon-El swung her door open.

“Can’t....” Her throat. She. There wasn’t. Air. It was. Too thick.

"You’re safe. Just breathe, Kara. It’s just a nightmare.”

“It wasn’t just a nightmare!” She sobbed, breathing hard and feeling the weight of two worlds collapsing into her. She gripped her eyes, willing the memories that turned her blood to ice and body into tormented waves to leave. The burning was back again, starting somewhere in her chest but spreading out to her shoulders, the white hot flames crawling under her skin and scalding her from within. Its molten heat twisted through her veins and rippled down towards her stomach, down her arms, and shooting pains to the tips of her fingers. It just kept spreading, threatening to burn her alive.

"MAKE IT STOP! THE PAIN! I CAN’T... PLEASE!!” She had gripped the pillow to her stomach, as if the pain was coming from the outside and she could form a barrier. But when she realized her body was falling apart from within, she fiercely gripped it, like she would shatter if she wasn’t holding onto something.

He gripped her shoulders, trying to steady her shaking form that had begun to thrash about with her screeches of pain.

"Kara! Calm down. You’re safe.”

Her world continued to crumble at the unexpected flashback. It had been so long since the grief had consumed her with such ferocity, the pain mutating from its burning vigor into revolting dizziness. The sounds of her family’s laughter started to spin in her mind, whirring with the sounds of screams and her mother's desperate begging. It all slammed together into an overwhelming torrent that had pulled her under. And it was choking her.

"Shut up!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!” She clawed at her face and eyes, grating her fingers across her forehead as through she could scratch and drag the memories out from behind her vision.

“Kara, Please. I need you to breathe."

“ARHHH!!!!!” She twisted in his grip, squirming under the pain that was wreaking havoc on every thought and sensation. An elbow hit him in the cheek as she continued to thrash about, unravelling from the weight of her mental torment, and crying out from the feelings slicing her in half.

“Please. Look at me. I’m here. You’re safe.” He continued to speak calmly. Firm. But gentle.

Somewhere she heard him. His hands had securely gripped the sides of her face, partially overlapping Kara’s hands as her body continued to tremble. She moved her own hands to grip his tightly, taking them securely and hanging on to them while finally looking up, trying to use his eyes to ground herself. She couldn’t see him, not really, in the dark and through the blurred distortion of tears.

Still, he held her gaze, not letting go, and a part of her felt like she had an anchor. That as long as she held onto it for long enough she wouldn’t be swept away much longer.

“Good. Just like that. I’m here.”

Her breaths continued to come out in sharp pants, but she tried to keep her eyes on him, and let the memories fade back into the compartment of her mind that kept them locked up. She felt them retreating. His powerful gaze chasing them away back to the darkness from whence they came.

Her breathing was still short and shallow. But the roaring pain was subsiding to a steady and manageable ache.

Mon-El removed the damp hair back from Kara’s face with a hand before letting his palm return to its spot cupping her face, and she became aware of the solid warmth against her skin. She closed her eyes and leaned into it.

She felt pain.

But.

Safe.

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta is the best fricken person on Earth. ILYSM. You probably dont love us though after this chapter. Sorry...? I think.


	14. Devil's Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Flashback Chapter. Scenes take place not long after the death of The Danvers Family. Kara has just turned 11. Mike is 12.]

 

* * *

 

 

"Did you get it?” Rhea clasped her hands together and pressed the red of her lipstick further into her lips, waiting in anticipation.

"Yes. The research was all there. Everything you asked for was on hard drives and in this notebook.” He held it out to her, waiting for his partner to join him.

"Clean job?” 

“Yes. House fire. Terrible accident.... will probably make the news tomorrow morning – but a story of tragic loss, nothing more."  

“Well, you’ve done a splendid job. I should consider giving you both a bonus. You have no idea the things we will achieve in the years to come. Where is Viktor?”

“Uhhh…He took a bit of initiative on the job. Call it icing on the cake, if you will.”

At that moment his partner walked in, dragging a frightful girl by the wrists behind him. She had puffy eyes, red rimmed, and a slight bruise already forming on her small wrists. The man boldly approached Rhea before presenting her with his gift. 

"A new employee for Daxam for you. She’s an orphan now – no other family. We did our research and there’s nowhere else for her to go. No one will miss her – No one will even know she is missing. Assumed dead with the rest of the family, of course."

Rhea looked her up and down, taking in her striking features despite not yet being of age. Ignoring the grief written across the girl’s face, Rhea could still see grand potential. She would grow into a fine young woman, perfect for some of the services they offered to the members of Daxam. 

“Young... Blonde... Yes, she will make a fine addition and will fetch a high price after some initial training. We’ve had a few requests for someone of her type, actually. Good work, Viktor. Take her to join the other girls." Rhea waved her hand dismissively, preferring to concentrate on the stolen goods retrieved from Dr. Eliza and Professor Jeremiah Danvers. 

Viktor left with the girl following close behind, leaving the other brooding male alone with Rhea. 

"Well now. Another step closer.” A cruel smile began to rise across the woman’s face. 

“May I ask what you hope to achieve with failed medical research for an Alzheimer’s cure, Rhea? Seems a little outside of your... usual requests.”

“Yes, well. You will have to see. But it will take some time. Years, I suspect. This research may have been halted before being fully developed, but I assure you it has a much grander potential than what was originally intended by the Danvers’. Patience. The day will come. 

______ 

 

“Mike. …MICHAEL!” Lena shook the young male awake, startled when he suddenly gripped her neck and threw her away from the bed to the ground. She felt her back slam into the floor, but took it all in her stride, letting out a huff of annoyance before lifting herself up. Shit. He was having another episode. 

Lena had fallen asleep a number of times in Mike's room ’studying' over the last month, he was behind in English, and her mother didn’t even notice the nights she wasn’t home. Thankfully, Rhea seemed to be out working extremely late rather often as well, not that she would even hear Mike’s painful nightmares, since he was in the upper west wing of their mansion. 

Sometimes Lena fell asleep in the large chair in the corner, and other times in a soft beanbag on the floor, but Mike's manic thrashing and groaning always woke her on the nights this happened. Luckily tonight, she had woken to him before he cried out or got too out of control, but she was worried he would have another full blown panic attack.

Moving to grip his shoulders, she tried to steady his shaking form that was caught somewhere between reality and unbearable pain.

“Mike. Calm down. You’re safe.” 

He groaned, clutching his chest which she suddenly knew to be why he was favouring his left arm awkwardly when they were out for an evening run. And then he moved his hands to his face, pressing the heels of his palms into his eye sockets while a strangled whimper left his throat. Lena seethed with anger, and yet felt sympathy and pain hearing him. He sounded like a wounded fucking dog being kicked while down, and she had to grit her teeth. 

“Ughhhhhh. Make it stop!!!” Mike groaned again, starting to struggle for air and she was about to loose him to a frenzy of dread and hysteria. 

“DAMMIT MIKE. Look at me. You’re safe.” She gripped the sides of his face, forcing him to look at her and tried to pull him out of whatever swirling mess that was trying to sweep him away. Heat was rising off his neck and even in the low light she could tell his shirt was damp, but for once she didn’t have thoughts of nuisance. He was shaking, breathing hard and not yet fully with her. One of these days if he didn’t stand up to his bitch of a mother, she was pretty sure she wasn’t going to be able to control herself. It was the third time this month she had to deal with this shit.

“Lena?” A muffled sob managed to escape his mouth. Good. He was coming back down.

“Yes. It’s me. You were having another nightmare.” 

“…It wasn’t just a nightmare.” He mumbled, taking Lena’s hands of his face and shoving them away. He closed his eyes and let the memories fade back into a dull ache, the pangs of anxiety receding with Lena’s presence close by. His body ached. But it was the fear that always got him in his sleep, repressed while awake and then rising from the Earth to grip him in the night.

Becoming more aware of his surroundings, Mon-El felt the intensity of Lena’s gaze on him, and suddenly started to feel self-conscious. Weak. And worthless. The hollow ache returned to its usual spot, now that it had slowed and stopped spinning out of control. 

He felt pain.

But.

Safe. 

**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [There’s a clue about the Danvers' Research somewhere here if anyone knows of it or Googles it. But my beta convinced me not to tell you and save it up for later… guess you can go hound her for it if you want.
> 
> Also... Has anyone seen the weird movie 'Upstream Colour (2013)'…? Probably haven’t, but if you have, hold onto that for later as well if you’d like to… ]


	15. I am done with my graceless heart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Kara’s emotions are a little whack. Featuring snarky puppy Kara, lippy Kara, and cold walls up Kara.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regrets collect like old friends  
> Here to relive your darkest moments  
> I can see no way, I can see no way  
> And all of the ghouls come out to play
> 
> And every demon wants his pound of flesh  
> But I like to keep some things to myself  
> I like to keep my issues drawn  
> It's always darkest before the dawn
> 
> And I've been a fool and I've been blind  
> I can never leave the past behind  
> I can see no way, I can see no way  
> I'm always dragging that horse around
> 
> All of his questions, such a mournful sound  
> Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground  
> So I like to keep my issues drawn  
> But it's always darkest before the dawn. – Florence and The Machine.

 

Mon-El regretted that the first time he noticed Kara had actually slept on top of the bed, (instead of under it), that she hadn’t had the most comfortable night. She probably couldn’t resist the luxurious fleece he had brought home one evening, a gentle pastel grey which was ridiculously soft. (He may have given himself a small victorious smirk at that. He knew how to win her over. Perhaps she would like ugg boots? They looked ridiculous... but he could imagine her wandering about in them, since she kept losing her balance and slipping on the floors in her warm socks. It was kinda funny.)

Kara was yet to actually use the bed... technically. She was on top of it, sort of wrapped up but for some strange reason refusing to pull the covers back and actually claim the space as her own. She had things that belonged to her. But.. this one in particular was a strangely difficult concept for her.

Mon-El decided to take the morning off, calling Eve to get her to rearrange a few things and even giving her a little incentive to take care of some of his work for him on the DL. She had mentioned something about tickets to a fashion show she wanted to go to, and how difficult it was to get an invite. Of course, Mon-El wasn’t at all interested, but could get his hands on some VIP passes rather easily.

He glanced at his watch, noting that Kara’s hot chocolate had gotten cold on the counter and she was yet to appear. But it was a rough night for her, so perhaps some extra sleep was a good thing. Not really liking late mornings himself, he got up at the same time each day, waking at basically the same time without an alarm. Even when he was tired as fuck and didn’t really want to get up... it was better to do something than mull about and give himself time for contemplative thoughts to enter his useless brain.

Not really having anything to do, now that he cancelled his morning schedule, Mon-El fiddled about, before deciding it would be a good time to clean his weapons. If he was going to take the morning off, he wasn’t going to fill his time with work-related bullshit. He could finally do some of the little bits and pieces that he hadn’t yet had time for. He would need to go to the store later to get some food and things... more fruit for Kara’s breakfasts.

Glancing down the hall one last time, he waited to just a touch longer to see if Kara would appear. No such luck. So, he quietly slipped out to his garage and began to lay out his tools and guns.

 

*

 

She blinked harshly, surprised to find herself opening her eyes to bright daylight. That’s right. She had. Actually. Slept. On. A. Bed. It was strange. It wasn’t hard enough. And yet, this... this furry, soft, delicious THING was _gorgeous_ , and she couldn’t resist it. She ran her hands along it, half-filled with wonder that something could ever be so soft. She could definitely get used to this. Not that she should, she chastised herself... she didn’t know how long this... arrangement was going to last. She probably shouldn’t start to enjoy these simple pleasures too much. They could be ripped out from under her at any time. Without warning.

She groaned at the hollow feeling gnawing at her sides and stomach, interrupting her thoughts. Cold. Tight. A heavy pressure... But it was always like that, and she barely even noticed a difference from day to day as she slipped from the bed, quietly taking off Mon-El’s shirt and slipping it under the pillow, before getting dressed. It was more uncomfortable this morning, she noticed. Heavier. But it didn’t even matter. She was used to suffering.

Mon-El must have already gone to work, since she slept in. She had been horrendously tired after... after... that _thing_ that was already locked up back where it was suppose to be. There was a strange disconnect, and the information was all there in theory. But it was hard to see or feel anything since it was all cloudy and tangled. Kara’s thoughts became a numb white light, fading into fragments – just like a dream. It naturally got pushed away to the furthest reaches of her mind, and Kara became less and less aware of the feelings as the blocks to her memory floated down like a veil.

As she shook off the last bits of sleep, they were gone, covered and foggy.

She walked slowly down from her room, glancing at the glittery patterns on the floor – coming from the refracted sunlight bouncing off the chandelier over the stairs, and then took in the empty living area. There was a mug on the counter, which was once a hot chocolate... but it had gone cold, further confirming that Mon-El had left.

Kara shrugged and pulled it towards her, heading automatically for the doors to go enjoy the drink outside. She sat on the edge of the fountain again, close to shivering, but not bothering to do anything about it. The pain of it was somehow a slight comfort sometimes.

"Are you alright, Kara?” Duke noticed the human sitting nearby.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” She crossed her arms, her nose a little pink from the biting temperature.

"Well. Last night..."

"What about last night?” she frowned.

"You were upset."

"No I wasn’t.” Her face scrunched. What was he even talking about? She was fine.

"I’m pretty certain you were.”

"How would you know? You’re just a goldfish."

"And you’re just an orphan girl.”

 _Ouch._ "Well. That wasn’t very nice.” Kara bit back, Duke’s words hitting her in the stomach. She knew it to be true, but it’s not like she cared. Whatever. She was used to it. She was used to having no one and that was just fine.

“...But what would I know? I’m just a goldfish trapped in a fountain.” He mimicked Kara’s previous words sounding almost a tad bitter. If the goldfish could roll its eyes at the human... it probably would. But he settled for a snarky comeback instead.

Kara’s mind wandered off for a second. Not really processing and having stalled and rerouted at the unkind thing Duke had said. She let it go not wanting to argue with her only friend about something so trivial. “...Has Hope been by lately?” Kara looked at the trees with no leaves on them, and the way the colours had all but faded from the garden. It was almost lifeless. The way the weather just swooped in and took everything away.

“I haven’t seen her. Might not be the best weather conditions? I’m not sure. I’m pretty safe in this little prison, to be honest.”

“It’s not a prison? It’s lovely. And pretty.”

“Well, I don’t ever get to leave now do I?"

"I’m sorry, Duke. I guess you don’t really get to go anywhere. But. Wouldn’t....you know... the other fish eat you? If you were, like, in the ocean or something?

“I can’t survive in salt water."

“Right. Well. A river then?”

“Hmmm.” There was silence from the fountain for a moment. "Maybe you are right. It’s not that bad. It is definitely safer in here. And kinda nice. Just a little lonely is all.”

“I'm pretty used to my own company.”

“Me too."

 

*

 

“Are you alright, Kara?” Mon-El saw Kara sitting at the fountain again.

“I... Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” She startled at his voice, stumbling a little on the words as he approached her, interrupting her nice conversation with Duke. He was here?

Kara's tone made Mon-El stop in his tracks. Did she just.... ???? There was fire in her voice and he wasn’t sure if it was just how she was dealing with the events of last night. But he let it go, although he was partially confused. She didn’t want to talk about it. That was fair enough.

“I can make you some breakfast, now? Well, brunch. It’s almost noon – I took the morning off.”

Kara’s head shook from side to side. “I’m... not hungry.”

He shifted his hands to his pockets. And shrugged. He couldn’t force her. “Well. You should probably come inside. You’re freezing.”

“No I’m not.”

“You are literally shaking. I can see it from here.” Mon-El raised his eyebrows at her strange behaviour.

“Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be at work or doing something important?” Her voice was laced with venom, and Mon-El had no idea what the heck was happening. One minute, she was scared of him, the next, she didn’t seem to want him to go to work. Then he fucking cancelled his morning, just for her to bite his head off? The FUCK?!

“I took the morning off because of... ” Nevermind. She was clearly upset. Even if she didn’t want to admit it. He sighed. “...How about another lesson?” If she was going to be a bit of a bitch this morning, he knew a certain moody female that calmed down significantly when she had a weapon in her hands. He could teach her some more.

“No.” She hated that stupid gun. She couldn’t fit all the pieces together why. But now, the thought of it made her sick.

"Come on... You were getting pretty good?” He tried to be encouraging.

“I’d rather just be left alone.” She bit back at him, snapping her teeth together.

 _Fucking hell. FINE_. He turned on his heel and left her sorry arse out in the garden. She could freeze.

He might as well go into work then, deciding to take his motorbike today, instead of his car.

 

*

 

_SHIT. Shit shit shit._

He left! OF COURSE HE LEFT. You idiot. She didn’t really want him to go. He had taken the morning off and she finally had the perfect opportunity to spend some time with him and she basically just told him to fuck off. Kara groaned at herself. And she WAS freezing her arse off... it was bloody COLD.

After he was gone she went inside and crawled up onto the couch, curling up into a ball and mulling about in her self loathing. He didn’t care. If he cared he would have stayed. That proved it. He was going to abandon her, he was, and she needed to do something about it.

URHG! She gripped her hair and wished he had of stayed. That she had of let him teach her something or at least spent just five minutes with him. DAMN HIM. Could she take it back? Go back in time and change her words and not have made him go?

Her stomach began swirling and the pain in her chest swelled from agitation to some strange form of desperate need. It hurt. It felt like fire.

She let her head slam back into the cushions, staring up at the ceiling while biting down hard and blinking back tears. The discomfort continued to writhe, and she just needed it to leave her alone. It would subside when he returned, she was sure if it, but now she had literal hours to wait and when he did finally come back he probably wouldn’t even want anything to do with her. She needed him.

But he didn’t want her. She was just an inconvenience and in no way suited to his lifestyle.

Somehow she needed to make him see that she had a place here. So she didn’t lose it. And lose him.

 

**

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybetommrow / karadanversprince was up till 5am to edit this with me. I love her. 
> 
> P.s. I have borderline personality disorder. This chapter is a bit of insight to my psyche. oops.
> 
> Also hoping you are picking up the deep extended metaphors written into the conversation w the garden creatures. Every detail is important...


	16. Breaking the rules.

 

 

She was in his shower. AGAIN. It was evening time and lately she had taken to using up all his hot water. Which he definitely hated, sort of... but she had this attachment to seeking out warmth. He would always find her about his house in places with the most direct sunlight, following it around as the day went by. Kara adored hot showers, filling his ensuite with billowing steam at least once a day, but sometimes twice. Like today.

Mon-El would have been more annoyed, except that it meant she was seeking out pleasures and enjoyment of her own. Something for herself. And that was improvement he was willing to let her have. 

Only apparently today, it wasn’t the only thing she had decided to seek out. He was mulling about minding his own business, reading a book on his bed to relax, when instead of walking out of his bathroom dressed like she usually did, she was wrapped in a white towel. One which she promptly dropped to the floor the moment he looked up from his book. 

“You have about 10 seconds to put some clothes on, Kara.”

“Or what?”

“You _know_ what.” He gritted his teeth and dropped his book in his lap, to cover the evidence of her affect on him. He would NOT cave to this. Why did she keep pressing him? _Damn her._

She stood there for another few seconds, like she was just waiting for the ten he gave her to fade away into nothing.

“Look Kara, I’m trying to be as respectful as possible here, but I am a red-blooded male. And if you are going to stand in front of me like that, I don’t think I’m going to be able to control myself.”

“Good.” She shrugged, walking over to his bed and crawling over it towards him. It should have been uncharacteristic, but he realized this lioness stalking over to him across the covers… this is what she knows. In fact, it is probably all she’s known for a long time. 

She was reaching for his belt, and in an effort to stop her, he flipped her over onto her back, stopping her movements successfully and pinning her down. He planned to reverse their positions so that he could get away from her, so that all he had to do was push himself up off the bed and leave his room. But... 

“ _DAMMIT KARA._ ”

He was breathing hard. And trying to fight his building desire, because he knew what she was doing. She thought that this was the only way she could please him, or show appreciation for his taking care of her, when a simple thank you would suffice. She didn't know how to communicate properly yet, and so defaults back to what she knows. 

But the way she was spread out on her back, her damp golden waves draped messily on his pillow, and completely open and vulnerable to him…it made him so weak. She was fucking beautiful. And he felt like he would do anything for her. 

She was just waiting. Seeing what he would decide, and her face was soft and calm and didn’t seem to show any signs of fear or distress. Waves of thunder billowed in his neither regions, but he clenched his jaw, wondering how many more seconds he could keep up this restraint. 

_DAMN HER._

He lowered himself to gently kiss her bare stomach. Slowly trailing his way up to her sternum and placing kisses there, he drifted up the valley between her perfect breasts and up to her neck, inhaling her gorgeous scent, and taking the soft skin in his mouth. Nuzzling into her neck slightly, he gently found a pulse point. Before he caught himself and pulled back. 

For fucks sake, as if he could stop now. Her eyes were expectant and deep and wonderfully blue, and any control he had dissipated at just the sight of her. He knew he should stop. He really should. But he just. Couldn’t. UGH. 

But...he would make this about her, not him. If she was going to seek out her own indulgences, he would give them to her. And deny himself.  Although that was probably just him trying to get away with something he _knew_ he shouldn’t be doing – justifying it somehow. 

Pfff, as if he could resist her. 

Kissing his way down her skin, and placing a few gentle presses of his lips into her scars as he went, he wanted to let her know they didn’t bother him, and that she was beautiful just the way she was. He let his tongue glide across her creamy skin and used a hand to gently steady her across her stomach, finding her to quiver a little involuntarily under his touch. He continued to let her melt, and her skin warm under his tongue. 

When he reached her hip, he gently brought her knees up by gripping at her ankles and rearranged her so that he could slip further down the bed, grazing the inside of her thigh and sucking the skin there lightly. He brought himself off the bed slightly to kiss the inside her her knee, which gave him a moment to meet her gaze and check that she was alright. She was biting her lip like she didn’t know what was going to happen next, even though they both did.

“Are you alright, Kara?”

“Mmhhm” She nodded at him, still chewing on her rosey bottom lip. She opened her mouth to say something, but brought her finger up instead to nervously chew on the end of it, the ring around her index finger glinting in the light. It was the only item she was still wearing… a small golden chevron that he had let her have when he saw her looking at longingly. He couldn’t help himself but gift it to her, and she never took it off.

“What is it, sweetheart?” If she didn’t want this, he wouldn’t continue. He thought she did, but maybe he was wrong. 

She continued to twist her finger around in her mouth, like she wanted to ask something of him, but wasn’t sure it was okay. He could see the wheels turning behind her eyes, and the sparkle in them which had taken up residence only recently.

“Your shirt.” She was trying not to smile at her request, removing her finger only to say the words and then returning to chewing it lightly, and somehow managing to be utterly adorable without even knowing it.

“I think that's only fair…” He shrugged, releasing her for a moment to lift his shirt over his head and toss it to the floor, and she broke his gaze to admire his shoulders, trying not to look pleased with herself that she had gotten what she wanted. She wasn’t used to getting her own way. It made his heart falter that he could give her that… that she seemed to actually... maybe… want him. 

“Better?”

“Mmhhm”. She just nodded cutely again, letting her eyes float around his muscles and seemingly fascinated by the markings and art inked into his skin.

“You can have anything you want. All you need to do is ask."  

She was still eyeing up his bulked frame when he returned his lips to the inside of her knee, kissing lightly down her thigh, and making his way slowly towards the zone the would give her the most pleasure. He took his time, savouring each moment, until he was met with her glowing heat. 

She jerked when he ran his tongue over her core, but he caught her at the tops of her thighs and brought her back down flush with the mattress. He continued to tease her, skipping over to the sensitive skin on her inner thigh, on the other side this time, and chuckling when she made a small huffing noise. She didn’t ask for more, she thought she wasn’t allowed to, but he didn’t continue to tease much longer before giving in and letting her have what she wanted. 

He ran his tongue across her slit, before he flicked it over the sensitive nub at her centre and her hand flew up to cover her mouth to prevent sounds from escaping. She wasn’t used to being allowed to make noise either, and had instinctively tried to silence herself, her back arching at the waves of light sparking inside her belly. 

“I want to hear you, Kara.” he breathed against her skin, before he continued his delicate strokes against the haven of nerves, feeling a hand find its way to his hair, and her nails slightly scuff his skull as shivers were rushing down her skin. He kept her in place by gipping the top of her legs, making her whine with his movements and skill.

He then released a hand to interlace with one of hers, one that was flailing around desperately for something to steady herself with, the stars in her vision and bolts of electricity through her body sending her into a blinding need to grip something. He locked their fingers together and kept the other securely at the juncture between the top of her thigh and hipbone. 

“ _Mon-El…_ ” 

She was trying to tell him she couldn’t handle the building intensity, the rising storm. That she was scared of how much power was coursing through her, threatening to rip her apart with its bliss. It was too much pleasure to bear, nothing like she was used to, and between pants and hushed moans she wasn’t sure she could survive what he was doing to her. 

“Just trust me.”  

He felt her relax, as he took her higher and higher up to the point at which she would shatter. She wasn’t quite there, but he knew she was getting close by the quivering movements of her legs that were next to his shoulders, rippling down towards her toes. 

Lightning stuck in his chest that caught him off guard. She was completely and utterly beautiful, open and vulnerable to him...  _trusting him_. 

She continued to whimper, a soft moan leaving her throat when he let a finger slide into her, and it was music to his ears. He was high on the sounds she was making, and ignoring the painful pressure of his hardness against his jeans. Stroking her expertly and letting his tongue return to its motions, he let her continue to lose grip on reality, her head falling back and she gripped him tighter. 

Until she finally crashed over the edge.

Her mouth fell open as her head dropped back into the pillow, his name on her lips barely a whisper, half heavenly, half sinful.  And her skin continued to flutter and spark as she slowly came back down, while Mon-El kissed her stomach lightly again until she settled. 

He had to say he was pretty pleased with himself, seeing her flushed and satisfied beneath him. Her eyes met his and she propped herself up on her elbows, even letting a shy smile grace her lips for the barest of moments.

"Now you.” She leaned forward for his belt, but he pulled away.

“No.” 

She was confused, still bringing herself towards him, her hair brushing his bare chest, and she took the leather in her hands and tried to pull at it.

“NO, Kara.” He was firm, gripping her wrist and not letting her continue. 

“Why not?” She looked up at him with a deep furrow in her brow, slight shards of ice settling into the blue of her eyes.

“ _Because_."

“Because _why_? You said I can have what I want.”

“BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE _HIM!_ ” It just came out, roaring at her though he didn’t mean to hurt her. But he felt. Ugh. He didn’t know what he felt. "I don’t want to use you. For my pleasure. I… I don’t want to be like him. I can’t resist you. But this… it’s not right. You think you HAVE to. And you don’t. I don’t want this for you.” He finished his piece and her jaw clenched shut, snapping down. 

She pushed herself away and got up, storming out and into her room, slamming the door shut. 

_Fuck. That went well._  

 

*

 

She didn’t understand what she did wrong. Pulling on some clothing and a soft grey sweater, she dropped herself onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling. It didn’t make any sense. He seemed to want her. Was she mistaken? Was she really _that_ wrong. 

Was she... not enough? 

He was so generous to her literally MOMENTS beforehand, making her insides swell and implode in the most delightful way. And then he just… rejected her. Her gut twisted as she thought about the way Mon-El had told her so roughly to stop, completely unhappy with what she had to offer. 

For a while he had seemed so full of desire. It didn’t make any sense. Why would he deny her this… she WANTED IT. She _wanted_ to please him. Hot tears began to prick at the sides of her eyes, forming out of the disappointment and frustration that he wouldn’t accept her. 

He had given her so much. Somewhere to sleep. Expensive clothes. He treated her kindly. Heck, he didn’t even hit her when she disobeyed him, pushing and prodding at him to see if he would do more than just growl at her from time to time when he was irritated by her breaking his rules. What else was she suppose to give back to him? She had nothing to give. Except herself. And he didn’t even WANT THAT. 

UGH!

She gripped at her hair and then turned on her side, pulling the pillow down to her chest where she liked it most. It was soft and helped her feel less empty. 

She had nothing.

She would always have nothing.

What if he got sick of her and threw her out... she had no where to go. She needed to prove her worth so he didn't just think she was a total nuisance. If he would just LET HER. Why wouldn’t he let her? He kept saying she didn’t have to, And she _knew_ that. She freaking knew that. He wasn’t forcing her, she was the one making the choice. And he just kept rejecting her. 

Maybe he was lying and just didn't really find her all that appealing. She was damaged and covered in ugly scars and had nothing particularly special about her.

Why then would he go ahead and pleasure her like it was the most easy thing in the world for him to do? What the frick!  

If he didn't even want her. Why bother. Was he just being really generous and over compensating? Maybe he felt so fucking sorry for her that he just gave her this like it would be some nice thing he could do for her. UGH. What the fuck.

She had to admit it did feel insanely nice… she'd never felt something quite like _that_ before. But now they weren't even. She was indebted to him even more. 

_Damn him._

She just wanted to give back to him. If only he would let her.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: Im not sure if i'm doing my ideas justice here… but i have to just be are clear on a few things in case. I dont like explaining but in this case Ill make an exception.
> 
> Kara is still thinking of sex as a form of security and business transaction. She doesn't think she has to... she thinks she wants to. But only because she doesn't understand herself. Mon-El is correct in that she doesn't really want to... at least not for the right reasons. She's insecure and feels the way to make herself a permanent part of this safe and nice place she’s found herself in, is to never put a foot wrong and to make sure he is pleased (sexually). To make herself more 'valuable' to him. To prove her worth and keep him satisfied. This journey will be a long and confusing one for Kara... but she will grow.
> 
> Also. Did you notice the sunflower reference? Kara following the sunshine around the house for warmth totally made sense to me... and the reference was purely an accident. But then I laughed. Because. Sunflowers. 
> 
> P.S. Shout out to PurplePetal who was asking for an update and unwittingly said "Pretty please with Mon-El on top!!" Me and my beta maybetomorrow where in a fit of laughter for a good 10 minutes. She had no idea. And your comments on ALL the chapters all at once had me dead. <3


	17. Fight Club.

 

 

_Fuck that went well._

_NOT._

_What were you THINKING?_

**You were thinking that she was gorgeous, willing, and irresistible. Did you even see her? Splayed out like a goddess for you to–**

_BUT She’s vulnerable! How dare you take advantage of her. You’re disgusting. Honestly, disgusting._

**But it’s not like you did any taking. You didn’t take from her. You gave**. 

_Oh, for fucks sake, shut up you enjoyed it and you fucking know it. Don’t try to bullshit justify that shit._ _She was heavenly, and all you want is more. You’re disgusting. Keeping her close. Letting her worship you. It’s not right! She would give you anything you wanted if you asked. If you let her._

**But you didn’t ask. You didn’t let her. Isn’t that worth something?**

_You should have resisted. You should have gotten up, and left. But you couldn’t even do that because you are weak and selfish and did what you wanted, instead of what was good for her. You loathsome piece of shit. FUCK_

**Well you certainly didn’t fuck. So it's no big deal.**

NO BIG DEAL? YOU HAVE A GIRL IN YOUR HOUSE WHO HAS LOST YEARS OF HER LIFE, LOST HER FREEDOM AND CHOICE TO SEXUAL SLAVERY, AND YOU THINK GAINING PLEASURE IS NO BIG DEAL?! UGH!! 

Mon-El seriously needed to blow off some steam. To punch some motherfuckers into the dirt. 

**Shower first. And take care of that…**

Mon-El looked down and despite the hatred and guilt running rampant through his system, couldn’t deny the very male pull thick in his jeans causing even more pain and feelings of remorse to grip him, due to the abhorrent lack of control over his carnal desire. 

Slipping into his ensuite to have an evening shower, he felt pangs in his chest from the lingering scent of Kara's shampoo, still adrift in the cool of the bathroom. As he ripped his jeans off in a hurried mess, he turned the dial up to glaringly hot. Trying to burn away the guilt, because he knew... he knew _she_ wouldn’t know... but he would know… taking himself in hand and releasing what he had to. There was no other way he would even be able to concentrate or be in the same house as her if he didn’t. And he hated himself, gritting his teeth and taking care of his needs before slamming a fist against the dark stone, knowing the glass wouldn’t have handled such force. 

Water dripped down his broad shoulders, scorching his back and flicking off the muscles pulled tight to his frame. Mon-El leaned his forehead against the slate, cold out of the path of the water, as he breathed through flaring nostrils. 

Regret. 

But there was a tiny part that didn’t regret it. And that was half the problem. He was remorseful that he wasn’t remorseful enough, and it made his stomach twist and do all sorts of volcanic things in his chest. He thought he would burst, the anger at himself overflowing like the steam making its way up over the glass walls around him and spilling out into the rest of the bathroom. 

He needed to get out of here. Just for a while. Out of his mind. And he knew the perfect place to do it… 

 

*

There was an underground fight club which Mon-El often went to. It was the best place to train with real-life ruthless brutes. Other than “no weapons allowed”, there were no rules. Fight without honour or mercy, broken bones were to expected, fight till surrender or knockout. It was a place-your-bets and claim-your-power type of place, and it was glorious.

It was also one of the places Mon-El could go to instill fear, reminding the people he wasn’t _just_  the pristine and pressed heir to the House of Gand.  He donned the crisp look at Daxam and for most of his Mother’s clients, depending on what type of clients they were. (The lucky few that employed him as an assassin or sniper… well.. they got the glory of seeing a more ruthless side to Michael Gand.) He managed to keep his reputation rather balanced, but being a part of this world definitely helped. His track record for being a fantastic fighter always managed to make its way through whispers and watchers, adding to his power. 

Physical prowess was something he had been taught from a young age, to add to his long list of fear-inducing traits. His mother was powerful, yes, and people feared her… but they didn’t know she could actually kick all of their asses if she wanted to. She could fight. Extremely well in fact. All of the Gands could, and although these days Rhea stayed behind her guards, if she wanted to, she’d rip a mans throat out with her bare hands. 

And he was his mother's son. 

He pulled up on his Ducati, black t-shirt showing his tatts and his trusty leather boots. He had so much tension in his body, he couldn’t wait to pummel some of these animals into the dust. 

A few familiar faces grinned upon seeing his arrival, moving aside and hoping for some newbies to plunder at the betting pool. Mon-El wasn’t the biggest or most scary looking dude, which made some of the regulars quite a bit of cash if they had some unexpected guests. He rarely lost a fight. 

Two rounds… if he made it through the first, of course. 

Mon-El found he had been moved up a weight rank since the last time he was here, making him the underdog. Not particularly fair, but they weren’t about fairness in a place like this. They must have decided they weren’t getting enough money from his typical and predictable wins, and put him up against some better competition. It made sense. He would just have to deck these fuckers anyhow. 

He watched a few fights, taking in the way a few men seemed to run on pure anger, and others were calm and collected fighters. Some were skilled in technique, others overcame their competitors purely with force. When it was his turn to hit the ring, he pulled his shirt off and jumped down into the arena.

“And gracing us with his presence tonight… The one and only, Michael Gand!” 

Adrenaline at full flame, he was greeted across the ring with a snarl and wicked smile from his opponent. He saw a few bros in the crowd – guys that he usually made some decent cash, pulling their fists up and giving their usual cheers.

“Deck him, you ruthless cunt!”

“OPEN MIKE NIGHT! MAKE THOSE FUCKERS SING!!”

He gave a salute in their direction, then continued twisting his wraps on. 

The first fight was fairly easy, and a nice warm up, considering the other guy was so large it made Mon-El seem quick by comparison. Literally a decent hit to the windpipe and then an uppercut when he was struggling from being startled... and he was out like a light. 

Second. Okay, admittedly much harder, and longer. But he could feel the tension leaving his body with each hit. His knuckles were throbbing through his wraps, and sweat was dripping mercilessly off his brow, but he continued to throw hard and fast, ducking and dodging, and absorbing punches as they came. Mon-El deepened his breathing. And concentrated.

Bashing at the problems with full strength, he felt them slip away. The confusion of having a brought a fucking girl into his home… His helplessness under his mother’s commands... Losing the fucking Saturn to Lena and her swaying hips... It made him angry. And that made him powerful. 

He let loose, managing to land a brutal hit to the jaw, and saw blood drip from the mouth of his competition. Swinging left out of the way of a punch, Mon-El lunged forward, letting a soaring riot of power release into the chest of the man in front of him. The last punch was shoved down and away, not letting Mon-El get anything other than a slight jab to a shoulder.

Mon-El flicked his head a little, making sure his stance was steady, before going in for the attack once more. 

His world became calm again, the rush of blood in his veins soothing. The familiarity of hits slamming into his body bringing a satisfying pain. He welcomed the deserved beating, while also feeling his rage wash away with the sweat dripping from his chest, and the concentration bringing his mind to a halt. 

A shot to his ribs and Mon-El stumbled, gaining a welcome roar from the crowd. While he tried to resettle himself, another shot — barely blocked — hit him straight in the fucking face next to his eye, high on his cheekbone and nearly taking him out.

_Fuck this guy_.

Mon-El panted, but smiled, and began to taunt despite a slight wash of dizziness.

“Come on bro, you’re twice my size. That all you got?”

He was met with gritted teeth and and a lunging stride, which he expected and twisted out of the way landing a punch to the gut, but it wasn’t nearly hard enough for this cunt to even care. Another block, and then he saw his competition had his left wide open, and Mon-El went in for a winning shot. 

Of course, he was being a cocky little shit, and didn’t realize until he could barely breathe, having received a slamming into the side of his head that caused a wave of vertigo, and then taking a hit to the back, in the same place Kara still had a bruise billowing under her skin – healing into a grotesque yellow. 

_Kara._

Mon-El swung around, utterly wild, roaring as he came forward into the man and let his fists fly, some of them not hitting on target, but a fair amount making it through with crashing thrusts. Hoisting himself to lock his legs around the enemies neck, he used his weight to propel his assailant into the ground. And then he jumped on top of him, throwing crashing hits right into his skull, bashing her abuser until he was out cold, and then continuing to crush him with bloody fists and treacherous rage. Mon-El was flaming, eyes dark, and it was clear this guys nose was broken, but it still wasn’t enough. It would never be enough for what this sick bastard had done. Pulling back his arm to throw another merciless punch, Mon-El was stopped by a thundering voice.

“ENOUGH!” 

He got up, dazed, his surroundings coming back to him and realizing it was just some unlucky brute and not Kara’s abuser. Mon-El huffed and spat at the ground, bits of blood and saliva landing in the dirt and he swung around to reach for a water bottle and towel that were being passed to him by pleased crowd members.  

He didn’t know, but Lena was watching him the whole time. 

Pulling her sunglasses down, she smirked as she drifted through the crowd, making her way around the room to collect her bets and make these sore losers pay up. One particular menace, three times her size, just looked at her like she was a woman. And she was one, a fucking brilliant one. One with a knife. 

"I believe you said double or nothing?” Lena's hair flicked over her shoulder as she came from behind him holding the blade to his neck, with just enough pressure for him to notice that it was sharpened to perfection. He dug around in his pocket for a wad of cash, which she snatched from him over his shoulder, rather pleased with herself. 

“Thanks. And you probably shouldn't bet against Mike in the future. Just saying."

She continued strutting around the room twirling the knife in her hand, as men with glares and sour expressions tossed Lena what was owed her. Mon-El was a dick. But he always made her quite a good score on Thursday nights every fortnight or so. And he didn’t even know she was here regularly watching him and bringing in the goods. She would tell him one day. Maybe. But she didn’t want to him to know that she might actually be keeping an eye on him…. Pffff. That would be bullshit. It wasn’t like they actually gave a damn about one another. 

 

*

"Where were you?” 

He had stumbled in, extremely late and nursing his arm. 

"I… Kara? Shouldn’t you be asleep?"

“Where were you? You. You’re never home this late." 

“I. Um.. had stuff to do.”

“What’s wrong with your arm. Did someone hurt you?

“No.. well.. a little. Look, its not that bad.”

“Liar. You have a black eye.”

“Im not… I have a black eye?”

“Yes."

"Look, I’m fine. I just... went to blow off some steam. Got into a little scuffle with someone above my usual pay grade. Truely, I’m fine." 

“I was worried.”

“No can hurt you here Kara, I told you that. You are perfectly safe, even if I come home extra late. I promise you, no one will ever lay a hand on you ever again.”

“Not about me.”

“Huh?”

“You. Weren’t here. I thought. Maybe. What you do.. that….”

“That I wasn’t coming home.” 

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“…”

“Uhm. I. Should have told you. Sorry. Thursday nights sometimes I’m out late. I thought you’d be asleep so I didn’t..”

“You don’t need to explain.”

“Right. So… I’ll see you in the morning then?”

“Mmmhhhmm.”

 

*

 

He passed her a mocha and drank his dark coffee, ignoring the bruise on his elbow and the fact that he probably looked like shit.

“I meant it, you know."

“What?"

"No one will hurt you. Ever again. I won’t let anyone lay a hand on you, I promise." 

Kara nodded, not really liking the topic and staring wistfully into her drink. 

“I’ve. I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

_He was. No. He was going to say the words she didn’t want to hear. No!_

“Kara, are you okay?”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“Right. Well. I thought... maybe you’d like to come shopping today? I know I got you some things. But. It would be nice if you could pick out your own. Now that you are back on your feet.

“Really?”

"Of course. I don’t see why not.” Mon-El shrugged, enjoying the bitter warmth soothing his throat that would kick start his day. 

"I. Uhm." She was scared. She’d never really actually been out in the world. And did she really want to keep taking from him? He said she was her own person now… but the more he gave her, the more she felt... indebted.  

“You don’t have to. I just thought I’d offer. I don’t want you to think you’re a prisoner here or something.”

She considered his words. She knew he wasn’t trying to enslave her. It was just. She. She was scared. She didn’t want to be anywhere else but here. And she only wanted him to be pleased with her. “But.... What if people see me with you?”

“Then I’ll probably get into a lot of trouble.. you’re right. I forgot about that. But we could go out of town further, and to places I’m not usually known for.”

"I think… maybe I’d like to?” 

“What should we get you? Anything in mind to keep you entertained?”

“I don’t mind." 

"Come on Kara, you never ask for anything. Please. I want to. I don’t want to have to guess."

“Strawberries.”

He chuckled. That was an easy one. “Anything else?”

“One of those.” She nodded to his knife that was sitting out next to his pot plant. He probably shouldn’t leave those laying around. But if she got one maybe she could become useful to him. She didn’t really like guns after what happened the last time she practiced with one... maybe a knife would be a better weapon to learn, and not give her flashbacks to… to...

“You want a knife…?”

“You have one.” She shrugged, like it was a completely natural request.

“Well, yes. I just. I guess I meant something to keep you occupied. Like a sketchbook or something. Can you paint?”

"Uhm…"

“...Do you want to learn?” He seemed so hopeful, and she didn’t want to disappoint him. 

“Mhhmm.” She nodded, caving to him. 

“Alright then. Strawberries. Knife. Art stuff. That’s not at all a weird list .” He got up, chucking back the last of his drink and running his mug under the tap. 

Kara couldn’t help but notice that Mon-El didn’t even acknowledge what had taken place in the evening yesterday, like it was just water under the bridge now. But it was fair enough. It wasn’t like she was expecting him to suddenly brush past her more closely, or catching him looking at her longingly... was she? He didn’t give her his usual smile. The one that made her heart flip and she couldn’t understand why that would disappoint her. 

“I’m just going to make a phone call. And then we can go whenever you’re ready".

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mon-El and Lena are in denial about their brotherly affection for one another. Even though its BLATENTLY obvious. And I love it. 
> 
> Also one of my fave lines of the entire series so far is in this chapter. haha. <3


	18. The Monster Within.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara flashback. She is 18.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Warning - Graphic violence and abuse that may be upsetting or triggering to some people. This is a Kara flashback to when she is 18. It does give a bit of insight to her backstory, but you may want to skip the chapter and just remain in the present timeline. (There should be enough information in her behaviours / actions for you to interpret/fill in the blanks with guesses or your imagination if you want to).

He was drunk. Of course he was drunk. He could barely unlock the door, before he threw the keys in a silver bowl with a clang and started towards the kitchen – for what she could only assume was more alcohol. It was always the same on nights like this - the rare occasion where Vik would bring her a gorgeous new dress, and a woman would come and curl her hair, paint her nails, and put makeup over the bruises. They would go out for a while, and she would try to enjoy a lavish party, where she was allowed to drink and sometimes even dance. As long as she didn’t speak, and was always on the end of his arm (or at least within reach), her master would treat her kindly for at least a few hours, drinking and laughing and tucking cash in the bras of strippers. 

She assumed it was all for show, now that she had matured and from the way men looked at her - probably seemed older than she was. There were speeches at the party and an extravagant cake. Kara had sat in her master's lap as he gently put a silver fork in his piece and shared it with her, a hand around her waist while she politely accepted the offered food. She felt the jealous stares. And she knew he only did it because he liked the way other men saw, and thought him some glorious 'stud'. 

Kara quietly started for the stairs, hoping to sneak away to bed before–

“Where do you think YOU’RE goiNG?!” he bellowed, slight slurs making their way into his words. She didn’t answer, she didn’t need to. Kara already knew the pattern well. 

“Come haaave a driNk with me, kitten.” He softened his voice suddenly, and she was forced to turn to him. Slowing her movements even more, she silently obeyed to join her master at the edges of his kitchen, waiting for him to pour her a glass of wine. He passed behind her to pull out a stool gently, helping her up onto it with a steady hand for balance. Her master reached for the wineglass and then gave it to her while tucking a small strand of blonde hair softly behind her ear. And then went back around the other side of the counter to grab the rest of the bottle of wine, pouring himself a large glass. 

Kara took a polite sip, knowing she would need the alcohol in her system for what came after. 

She leaned on the countertop for a moment to reach down and unstrap one of her shoes, the ridiculous heels making her feet ache from wearing them so long. She sighed as they both came undone, shimmying her feet out of them. They dropped onto the floor with a small thud. 

When she looked up again, the sound of her shoes hitting the floor seemed to be all that was needed to trigger her master's rage. Locking eyes with him, she could immediately see he was furious. 

“Did I TELL YOU you COULD TaaAKE THOSE OFF?!” He struck her with the back of his hand, hard, and she fell. She became of aware of the dark shadow filling her vision as he wrenched her up off the floor, slamming her into a wall and began to tear at the beautiful expensive dress she was wearing.

“Do you have NO APPRECIATION for what I GIFT TO YOU?!” 

She didn’t even scream or squeal when his fingers wrapped themselves in the neckline of her dress and pulled, some of the fabric coming away, but most of it being strong enough to stay hinged to her body, causing her to jolt forward and slam into him. A blank wash over her senses remained, blocking some of the fear. It would be worse if she struggled. So,  she just didn’t.

"ARGH!!” He roared and hit her again – splitting her lip before he reached over and pulled a knife from the block sitting on the granite counter. He was bringing it towards the red fabric of her dress, and when Kara realized he had a weapon, not intending to merely use his fists, she turned to run.

But he grabbed a handful of her hair, pulling her stumbling backwards. 

Bringing the blade down to slice over her shoulder, the knife easily split the fabric and went straight through Kara's skin, a long cut forming over her shoulder blade, burning at the edges. Kara screamed. 

One of her hands instinctively flew around her body to the wound as she tried to get away, but her master was already in a manic rage, dropping the knife to the floor to use his hands in a colossal series of tearing motions. He grabbed her wrist and twisted it back, the pressure building until she heard the bone break, eliciting an agonized shriek from deep within her chest. 

He threw her to the ground, and she collided with his glass coffee table, sending it into shattering pieces. 

“You don’t deserve ANYTHING, you little bitch.” 

His shoes thudded as her master crossed through the living area and kicked her in the stomach.

“PLEASE! Please _stop_!” her arms came up to guard her face when she felt the sick pull of a long glass shard sticking out of her shoulder, the fragment penetrating her skin. But he didn’t stop. He wouldn’t, not till she couldn’t walk the next day. 

She was suddenly pinned down under his weight. He was mauling her, tearing at the dress until it was scraps of shredded fabric and blood. He didn’t even seem to care that his own hands were bleeding from pieces of glass.

He just continued to beat her, until she passed out. 

 

**


	19. Different places.

 She was sitting in the passenger side staring out the window, looking at the skeletons of bare trees. It was a clear day, making it possible to see all the way to the horizon. Bald twisted branches seemed to make the landscape even more barren, but it was strangely beautiful. Lonely… but peaceful. She wrapped up tighter, comfortable, but when Mon-El turned the radio down she felt the tension in the car settle into the air long before he opened his mouth.

“There was. Something else I’ve been meaning to ask you actually. Now that... you’re getting better.”

“I’m not really better,” she muttered, hoping it would be enough for him to drop the subject she thought it was going to be. Kara tried to concentrate on the white tree trunks whipping past, even hoping for a glimpse of early snow the further away they got from Salvgar. 

“I know. I just mean – I know it will take a long time. But. You…. do you have someone? Somewhere? Like. Relatives or something? You don’t have to stay with me, Kara. I mean. Now that… you’re not…” He was struggling to find the right words and had been putting this off far too long. Because he just didn’t know what on Earth to say.

Kara grew silent, slipping down in her chair a little more to become small, crossing her arm over her chest and sucking in light breaths as the downward pressure made it more and more difficult to breathe. 

“I’m happy to help you. Find someone. Go wherever you want. But I’m not sure the best place for you is… with me, is all. I thought maybe you have this idea that you _have_ to to stay with me. Because of… you know.” Mon-El vaguely gestured with his fingers, momentarily letting go of the steering wheel before continuing to blab his mouth off. 

"I sometimes get the impression you were… how do I put this. Owned? And abused and forced to do things and didn’t really have many choices of your own. Is…is that right?” He forced the words out in a rush, hoping she wouldn’t be too offended or hurt by him bringing up the subject. "The person I found you with. How… how long were you with him? If you don’t mind me asking.” Mon-El tried to remain calm. But to be honest he had no idea what he was saying. It was awkward and he didn’t really like having to talk about something so raw and real.  

Kara finally opened her mouth and the words leaving her were bitter. “As long as I can remember.” 

She had lost so much. That long? Mon-El gripped the steering wheel a little harder, crushing it under his fingers. _That fucking bastard_. He wasn’t sure this was the best conversation to be having. 

“I'm so sorry, Kara. I don’t know what that must have been like.” 

She remained silent, turning the ring on her index finger around for comfort, and releasing some of her nervous energy by fidgeting. Mon-El continued to talk at her, though she didn’t really seem to be responsive. 

“It’s just. I… kind of know what it’s like, to not have any choice with what I do with my life. I um... my… mother. She’s... It’s hard to explain.” He shook his head, not really sure what he was getting at. “Anyway. You have a choice now. What to do with your life. You have the freedom to choose, and I just wanted to make sure you know that you can leave. You can leave whenever you are ready.”

 _Leave. He was talking about leaving._ Her hands suddenly stilled and her brain did that thing where it began to spin.

“Mon-El?” She choked out a whisper, barely breathing. “Please don’t make me leave.” 

Her voice was so small Mon-El could barely hear her. 

Okay - she wasn’t ready, that was fine. It was hard to talk about and Mon-El wasn’t sure at this stage she would really know how to process sudden freedoms. According to her earlier statement, all she had known was being owned by someone else. _For as long as she could remember…_   _UGH!_ The thought made him sick. But it made sense that she had no idea what she wanted to do yet... Where she wanted to go. She needed time to find her feet. He could bring it up again in a month or so. 

Mon-El's eyes were fixed on the road and his thoughts, when he realized Kara had covered her face with her hands and had started to silently cry. He only noticed when a tiny hiccup pulled his attention back over to her.  _Shit._   

“Kara…?”

“PLEASE, please don’t make me leave!” She was choking on the words. She was desperate, the tears slipping past her hands.

Mon-El's hand had drifted over to her, crossing the space between them to settle gently on her knee. He drove with the other hand, feeling guilty that he had brought up her past. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to upset you. You can stay as long as you want. Until you’re ready. Okay?” 

 

_Dammit Mon-El what are you doing._

 

_***** _

They had driven for hours, all the way out of one city, across barren country side, and into another city. The sounds were loud. SO loud. And chaotic – everything was bright and noise and colour and movement and it was SO OVERWHELMING! Kara tried to think back to the times her master dragged her out to parties – they weren’t so bad... Lights and dancing and lots of loud music. But. She was always allowed to drink on those nights, dulling the sensations, making them swirl together while the fear died down with the low lighting. It was different at night time, like it was a dream. 

But this…. it was an attack of bright stimulation from all sides, forcing her to jump at loud noises, her neck growing hot, and she was desperately clasping her hands to each other, digging into the inside of her palm as she tried to hold herself together. They were walking on the sidewalk when she nearly screamed, shying away from a large golden dog that had run up to her wanting a pat. Kara stumbled into a man on the footpath while trying to avoid the bouncing retriever, nearly tripping into the gutter when Mon-El caught her arm.

He appeared to be amused! For being scared of what was _apparently_ ‘one of the nicest breeds of dogs to exist.’ Mon-El let her arm go and walked up to the brunette holding the eager dog that was pulling on it's leash. Introducing himself, he talking charmingly to the girl before giving the dog a pat - ruffling it's pale yellow ears up while making weird noises. 

This was the person who shot her master in cold blood? This was the man who said he would shoot her in the head if she fucked up? Kara scrunched her face up trying to make sense of the male standing in front of her, watching Mon-El talk gently to the girl with her dog. The sudden need to get between the attractive young woman and Mon-El gripped her core with a flicker of discomfort, but, that THING. It was... _big_. It could lunge and her, and she would probably fall over if it did. 

Kara had only gotten to pat a dog once… but it was a puppy. It was nice and small, brown with blue eyes. Although, that was a long time ago, and it was small enough that it didn’t scare her. The pup in her memories was soft and beautiful and she had asked her master if she could have one. But he said no. She could still remember that day even though it was such a long time ago. It was spring and there were daffodils. 

It was one of those rare occasions her master would treat her kindly and they would go outside for an afternoon. She got to go to the park with him and get ice-cream, escaping her prison for a little while. It only happened a handful of times… maybe twice? Three times? She couldn’t really remember, but Kara remembered the day she had walked through the park admiring the grass and feeling the sunlight and had gotten to cuddle a puppy. 

She began to wonder if that was what Mon-El was doing now. Was he treating her kindly just for a little while? Would the mask fade to show a monster beneath? Maybe he would let her pat a dog and eat ice-cream, just to take her home and beat her… 

He seemed to be warming to her. But she shouldn’t trust it. Everything she ever had was always ripped from underneath her without warning. Nothing was worth trusting or getting her hopes up for. 

Kara jumped again at the sound of a car door closing harshly, a small squeak leaving her mouth.

“Don’t want to pat the nice dog?” Mon-El looked up at her, giving her one last opportunity to connect with the outside world if she wanted to.

Kara shook her head quickly, taking a few steps back. She watched as he politely nodded to the young woman, letting her go on her way.

 

*

He felt bad that he had talked to her about the things that made her uncomfortable. But her made it up to her. Taking Kara to pick out some more winter clothing for herself, he almost had to argue with her that she was allowed to get things, and that she should make the most of it since they were out of town. He probably shouldn’t risk taking her out while closer to home, but here they were free to do as they pleased. 

After a bit of encouragement, Mon-El was pleased to see that there was at least a bit of that inner unquenchable female in her - taking to shopping like a duck to water. _Women._ He rolled his eyes with a smirk, strangely happy that she appeared to start enjoying herself a bit. (Other than the fact that she jumped at basically any sound that wasn’t his voice, and kept clutching her hands so tight he wasn’t sure how she didn’t notice the red marks on the outside of her left hand, or the scratch marks she was leaving behind on her palm.)

She didn’t have to come outside with him, but she did. Perhaps there was an inner strength and courage in her that was yet to be awakened. Mon-El tried not to feel admiration mixing about with the pity that always seemed to settle in his stomach while watching her do the simplest of things. Still, he knew it was there, at least a little bit. She was a survivor. Just like him. 

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing with a thug like that?” Mon-El overheard one of the shopping assistants trying to make conversation with Kara, and realized the older woman must be referring to his tattoos. Since it was his day off, he couldn’t be bothered with a crisp jacket and actually liked the cooler weather. He had left it in the car, wearing just a dark t-shirt making his arm and neck fully visible. He rolled his eyes. It was just ink. Why did people even care? Truthfully, their assumptions were partially accurate, he _was_ dangerous, but not to them. They had nothing to offer his mother, which meant their insignificant lives would go unharmed. Mostly. 

“Ummm… I…” Mon-El tried to save Kara from her stammering mess by joining her and taking a sweater out of her arms to hold it, smiling politely (although maybe sarcastically) at the shopping assistant. But he felt the aura of fear settle on Kara like a dark cloud, like she thought she was expected to say something to defend his honour. Inwardly groaning, Mon-El addressed the woman so that she would leave.

“Could you take these to the counter please, Anne?” he read her badge and started to pass her the things in Kara’s hands, glad to be rid of her.

“Guess its the tattoos” Mon-El hummed, not really bothered. Kara looked at him like she was only just noticing them, there were so many he guessed they probably blended together. Or maybe she was just used to them. 

 

*

“What’s that one?” They had walked out of the shop when she finally plucked up the courage to ask Mon-El about one of his tattoos. She tilted her head sideways, trying to get a better look at the one that had caught her eye.  

“Which one, Kara? There’s lots.” 

“Is... Is that a rabbit?” It looked like a Rabbit. But it kinda had these weird teeth and red eyes, like it was angry or something. And it was holding a… a… she wasn’t sure what it was called. She had seen one in an illustrated book once, but never in real life. It was like a clock, but it wasn’t.

“Yeah, it’s got a pocket watch. It’s uhm… it's kinda from... Alice and Wonderland? You know that story, right?”

“Huh?”

“Please don’t tell me you have no idea what I’m talking about..."

Kara said nothing. Since Mon-El  _specifically_ seemed to be telling her that he would be upset if she didn’t know. 

“Seriously?! Girl falls down the rabbit hole…? Mad Hatter…?" He looked at her quizzically. "You have no idea do you.” Mon-El shook his head. "Fine. Remind me, and I’ll find you the book – it’s probably upstairs somewhere. Or we can watch the movie sometime." 

 

*

As they wandered into the art store, Kara looked at him unsure, but when he nodded, Mon-El couldn’t help but notice the way her eyes lit up. She didn’t ask for much – just some beautiful watercolour paints and a sketchbook with thick paper. 

“You’re going to need a paintbrush too.” He gave her a knowing look… because she was about to do that thing again where she wasn’t sure if she really was allowed. Like she didn’t believe him. "Go on…” 

Mon-El felt more like himself than he had in a long time, watching this girl float through an art store like it was the most beautiful place on earth. It was a little concerning actually – how easy this all was for him… 

But being out of town, knowing no one knew him and no one cared. It was almost like he could pretend he didn’t have expectations and responsibilities waiting for him back home. It was a welcomed escape… if only for a little while.  

Mon-El snuck in a few extra things for Kara - pencils and gorgeous ink pens, although he tried not to over do it. They could come back here if she took a liking to her new hobby. 

Kara was biting her lip when she returned, two small brushes clutched in her palm. 

“Good to go? I suddenly feel like some ice-cream. Should we get some?”

 

*

(He ended up getting a vanilla waffle cone for himself, and a hot chocolate for Kara - more appropriate for her considering the weather).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At here we have it. A real conversation (sort of). And a writer who is seriously doubting their story. FML.


	20. Broken Promise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Mon makes a stop at Daxam quickly on the way home...]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. No like. Big trigger warning.
> 
> Chapter hasn't been edited so there's probably mistakes. 
> 
> Did I mention trigger warning? 
> 
> Right. Good. onwards.

 **

 

Turning his headlights off, Mon-El decided to leave the car running, just needing to quickly pop in to his workplace and drop something off. He had another package for Roulette. 

Well… for Eve, to slide over to Roulette with her scotch, since…  _ugh,_ but at least it was in exchange for a very, very decent amount of cash. The Dragon is into her jewels, and Rhea is all about keeping the money pouring in, so it all worked out just great. Roulette was slowly becoming a bit of a regular. 

Lucky for him, Mon-El didn’t actually have to go steal the 'Pierre de Soleil’ himself, leaving it for some of Rhea’s other men. And of course, Rhea was double booked tonight, something about an important meeting that couldn’t wait, so he was the courier for tonight making sure the Sun Diamond found its way to a new home.  

“So. You work here?” Kara was intrigued by the fact he seemed to have his own entrance to whatever place this was, with only a few car spaces and a swipe key to unlock the gate, before parking right next to the door… not even in an actual carpark. 

“Yup, I just have to drop something off. I’ll be back in a minute. Just stay in the car, okay?” Mon-El was calm and at ease, and didn’t see Kara's shoulders tense at the realization she would be left alone in a strange place for a few minutes.

The low thrum of his GT was quiet, but a little soothing, as he popped the boot and then tucked something in his jacket before disappearing out of sight through a red door. She wondered what exactly he does here, but shrugged it off. Probably better that she didn’t know for now, since it clearly involved breaking and entering, and being skilled with weapons. 

Kara put her feet up on the dash when he left. Now that he wasn’t looking it didn’t matter. She liked the freedom, having taken her heeled boots off that Mon-El had gotten her. They were pretty… but she wasn’t used to wearing them and much preferred the leisure of bare feet. She snuck the heater dial up a little bit too.

 

No one else was in the underground carpark, but it was only just on dark, so she guessed things don’t really get going on a Friday night until much later.  

Kara couldn't quite figure out why Mon-El was being so nice to her… or to anyone for that matter. Tipping the shopping assistant (well, the one that didn’t offend him. Maybe he was teaching the older woman a lesson…) Saying genuine 'thank yous'. Letting her pick out another soft dress and pearl white jumper that was so gloriously soft she couldn’t resist it. He didn’t even bat an eyelid at her adding more items to her growing collection of things, just letting her admire and select to her hearts content. To be honest he probably didn’t even _see_  some of the things she got. (Although, that might be nice, since he would get the full experience when he did finally see them on her.) He didn’t get bothered or flustered or frustrated, not even when a girl got his order of ice-cream wrong. He just took it and shrugged and stopped the girl mid way through profusely apologizing, telling her to not worry about it. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense. 

Considering the first thing Mon-El did when she met him, was literally put a bullet in someone’s head. And she should have minded… but she was so glad to be free of that monster and she couldn’t do anything other than admire Mon-El. He didn’t even seem all that bad. It appeared to be all a well placed mask. One that fit so well he probably didn’t even realize how effortless it was to shift between wearing it and not, whenever he needed to make his power known or just relax and be himself. Kara saw the way Mon-El flamed when she had bumped into someone again on accident, and the man she stumbled into called her a bitch. She was slightly worried Mon-El might break the guys arm at the time, seeing him tense and rise into a threatening posture. He didn’t though, whether by self control or her attempts to redirect his attention, she wasn’t sure. 

She should be scared of him. But honestly she was more scared when she _wasn_ _’_ _t_ with him. 

 

Like now.

The minutes were dragging on, and the separation was causing a throb to beat and probe under her ribs, growing stronger with the passing seconds. It was thick and uncomfortable, beginning to churn in the familiar spot that left her fidgety and high-strung – continuing to steep until she was chewing mercilessly on her fingernails again. Even though there is nothing left to bite. 

 _Dammit where was he?_ She pulled her knees into her chest, tightly hugging around them in an effort to force herself to stay together, the lack of his presence cold and empty. She needed him. Before the void of abandonment pulled her into it's sickening ache.  _Damn him. Why was he taking so long?!_

Kara startled when the gate started moving, a dark sedan on the other side waiting to enter the rather small carpark.  Her knuckles we already turning white, trying to stop herself from doing something reckless. From doing exactly what he told her _not to_. He would be upset. 

But. There weren’t any consequences to him being upset, and she  _needed him_ _._ _He was her light_ _._  And he had just disappeared behind a mysterious red door and left her. In a strange place. ALONE. 

The slow approach of a new and unknown threat was becoming overwhelming. What if they saw her? Who were they? Were they like him.. with guns and knives and bruises on their arms, that they just laughed at like they were no big deal? Kara became a frazzled wreck, desperately trying to stop her mind from getting out of control. But it already was. What if she got Mon-El in trouble by being in his very, very recognisable car? What if they tried to take her away from him... ?

_FUCK IT._

She ripped her door open and bolted before anyone saw her, and being so close to the entrance she just couldn't help herself. SHE NEEDED HIM. 

Turning the handle she rushed inside. 

 

*

Eve was cheery as usual, bouncing around adoring her job, which Mon-El supposed wasn't a bad thing. She loved the vibes of endless party and gossip and all the drama she gots to ‘accidentally’ overhear while serving drinks. She also adored getting to wear a new dress each shift… short and sparkly and skintight, recolouring her hair to pink or lilac or platinum, and having a rather preposterously large collection of designer shoes. 

"Mike! Let me guess… the _Queen_ has too many other important things to do..?” 

“You would be correct on that one. But I wouldn’t say that too loudly if I were you.” He glared at her before glancing around the place, expecting to find an aura of seething red coming from some corner or table. 

“She’s not here yet. It’s a bit early.” Eve shrugged.

“Ah, right. Well, you’re officially responsible for one of the most expensive jewels to currently reside in Salvgar. So try not to fuck this up.” He gave Eve a stern look while passing the item to her, but she wasn't in the least bit phased.

"Shut up, Mike. If I didn’t do my job as well as I do, you wouldn’t have put me on _specifically_ to serve Roulette. And be paying me through the roof.” The blonde tucked the item securely into her bra while answering him. 

“Yeah, don’t remind me.” Mon-El huffed, and thought about having a quick drink. But he left the car running and should leave before something could inconveniently come up. 

“Well, I gotta go, before that Dragon shows up and sets my arse on fire just for having a cock.”

Eve just rolled her eyes and waved him off, confident she had a handle on things. Some of Rhea’s men would be arriving soon and she would have plenty to do. After work drinks on the house were always popular, especially on Friday nights. Entertainment and luxurious booze…? Yeah… they were gonna be busy. 

She headed over to grab a key, so she could go get a fresh crate of liquors and make sure the place was neatly ordered, fully and perfectly stocked, just how she liked it. There was a reason she was valued here. Eve was astoundingly good at her job, she knew how to keep everyone happy and hazy, and her bank account certainly didn’t mind. 

Mon-El just strolled across the floors to make his way back to the private entry out back.

 

*

The moment Kara swung the door open, her heart told her something was wrong. Seriously wrong. But it was probably just her gut reaction to disobeying what Mon-El told her, which was fine. He didn't hurt her when she disobeyed. And she needed to find him. Like. NOW.

Stumbling up some stairs she was met with gorgeous wine coloured carpet, and continued down a hall past some private rooms, across a large open area, and down another hallway. 

 _Dammit where was he?_  

She made her way to the end and around another corner, only to stop dead still. Unable to move, fragments of memories seeped into her vision. 

It looked a bit different. But. The low red lighting. The gorgeous wall that was made entirely out of bottles of wine, top to bottom, edge to edge. The distinct smell of fine tobacco and fresh money. And the grandiose chandelier that could not possibly exist anywhere else. 

 

It. 

_No._

_It couldn't be._

"Kara! I told you to stay in the car.” He tried to stay hushed, but is a little surprised and panicked by bumping into her at the edges of the main floor. Looking over his shoulder, Mon-El saw that Eve had disappeared for a moment and breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone else in the place seemed currently occupied, too distracted by their own conversations and drinks to notice a pair at the edges of the room. 

"I need to get you back before someone sees that you don’t belong here!” His tone was hushed but forceful, but Mon-El tried to remain calm so that anyone who happened to glance in their direction wouldn’t really take much notice. 

“You…. You work here?” 

"Yup. This is it.” Mon-El shrugged. 

"You mean. You work. At Daxam.” Kara forced the words out. She already knew the answer. It was already hitting her like a pile of rocks, and she didn’t have the ability to move out of the way.

Kara was a little blank — her usual expressionless aura annoying him a little bit. Didn’t she know he would get in so much shit if someone realized? "Kara, come on, let’s go."

Her body felt weak, like a chasm was threatening to open and swallow her. And she wasn’t sure if she would rather just submit to the paralyzing endless dark... to let it take her, or to fight the panic and try not to fall in. She wasn’t sure how to make her body move. Her sudden realization had already begun its assault on her ability to think, or to walk in a straight line, or to even fucking breathe, let alone move or form coherent speech.

The sickening truth of it.

"I…. you…"

"Kara?"

“ _How could you_?” she gave a bewildered whisper, her mind going off into different directions and feeling like she had just been side swiped by a truck. Her breath went out of her lungs with jarring impact, leaving behind only the sensation of burning. Mon-El said he didn’t ever want to be… to be… like _HIM_. That he would never intentionally hurt her. That he didn’t ever take advantage of women. And yet… he worked... at  _DAXAM?!_

“It’s not exactly legal what we do here… but, it’s my work.” He shrugged, not really understanding her point. 

“But..” She continued to stay locked in place, refusing to move an inch. 

"You saw me shoot a man. But suddenly serving drinks and shifting illegal goods is too much for you?” Mon-El crossed his arms. Fucking hell, would she just get a move on?! He didn’t want to drag her. But if she wasn’t in his car in the next 30 seconds someone was going to notice a girl with barefeet. 

Kara had already shut down. Feeling the burning seep up her arms and finding its way under her skin, turning everything into a brutal ache and unending motion. She felt dizzy. And hot. Any form of coherency melted into sickening vertigo and she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t even open her mouth.

“Wait, Kara… How do you know Daxam? I never told you the name.”

She was still unmoving, her mind blank from the sudden collision of information and disorientation. Was she floating? Falling? The world was spinning around her at blinding speed and she didn’t know how to make it stop. 

A pair of eyes found her in the darkness, Mon-El gripping her face and trying to get through to her. 

“Kara, please. Tell me what’s wrong. How do you know Daxam?”

She couldn’t. It was too much. The one who took her in. The one person that she thought she could maybe start to trust. She knew she shouldn’t. She tried not to! But she couldn’t help herself. AND THIS WAS HIS WORK?! THIS IS WHERE HE SPENT ALL HIS TIME?!! DAMN HIM!!!

"I WORKED HERE!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK, I JUST  _CHOSE_  MY LIFE?! THAT I  _WANTED_  TO WATCH MY ENTIRE FAMILY BE SLAUGHTERED, BEFORE I WAS BROUGHT  _HERE?!!"_

"Kara... I.. I didn't know"

"YOU LIED TO ME!!!" 

“What? No… I…" 

She tore herself away from him and ran through the building at full sprint, back the way she came and heading for the exit. He didn’t understand what was happening, the surprise delaying him a second. Her family was… slaughtered? She. She... worked here?

His mind was still trying to wrap around the thoughts when a stumbling Eve came back in somewhere behind him, and he heard a bottle smash. She was suddenly calling for him across the floor, asking for him to run over and help. 

"Mike! Could you come grab these for me? Pretty please, I’m like seriously about to drop all of them!" Eve was carrying a huge crate of bottles in her ridiculous heels, and he should have cared, but he needed to go to Kara.

"Not now, Eve!"

“MIKE! Seriously?”

He took off after Kara, hoping to catch her and that she wasn't too far. 

 

*

She was running through the last hall, when someone caught her wrist.

“Hey, kitten. I know you, you’re Vik's girl.” He pulled her towards him with a death grip, and she banged into his chest. 

Her world continued to spin off kilter, somewhere between fainting and lurching the contents of her stomach. She didn’t even understand what was happening or who she had roughly hit into.

"What a little bitch. How’d a timid thing like _you_ manage to shoot that fucker?” 

What was he even talking about? Shoot….what? There were random bright spots in her vision and her body felt so disconnected she wasn’t sure if she was floating or not. 

"Although… I gotta say. I am a little impressed. I didn’t think you'd have it in you.” 

She realized she knew this man. And he knew her. He had.... _No._ _ughhhhh please no._

His voice turned into a low growl, like he was turned on by thinking she had killed her master - his friend and co-worker. She tried to wriggle from his hold, ripping her wrists back, but he just held onto them like they were paper, crushing them in his fierce grip. 

“Remember the last time we had a bit of fun? It was nice of him to share.” A cruel smile settled on his face before he continued. 

"Guess you’re in need of somrone new to look after you... And I’d be more than willing to sacrifice my time for you, kitten.” His eyes were dark, reaching for the nearest door and pulling his swipe key out quickly. Unlocking it before pushing her through, he shoved her forward until she hit the ground on her knees, and she turned to see him licking his lips and removing his jacket. 

 _No. no no no. Not again. Please. Not this. Not him._  She struggled for air, managing to push herself weakly up, preparing to run. But he was between her and the door. 

 _Her knife._  

Remembering she had a knife under her dress only now, she drew it with shaking hands as she backed away from him. Mon-El hadn’t even showed her how to use it yet. The man just gave her a pathetic look, walking straight towards her like she was no threat at all.

She tried to fight him off, using his own weight against him when he lunged at her, and twisting sideways and allow him to fall off balance. As he stumbled, she lashed out with her sharpened blade, the metal coming in contact with his neck and slicing it open. 

But the man turned around to her, glaring, the cut no where near deep enough to deter him. He swiped at the blood with his hand, bringing it into his view and then looking at her with fury while wiping on his jeans. 

“YOU BITCH!” He shook his head while clenching his teeth together, nostrils flaring.  

Kara backed away, hitting a table and feeling the hard wood bang against her spine while glasses clunked heavily behind her and she found herself trapped. His eyes bore into her, laced with venom and delight, and his towering form was upon her before she could even blink. She yelped as he twisted her wrist sharply and the knife fell to the floor. Snaking her head from side to side, she tried to focus, to find some fight left, but the familiar blank void of white and grey was already taking her vision and thoughts from her.

He punched her in the mouth and threw her roughly onto the floor with a crash. Before trapping her under his weight. 

"NO...mnm nm n…N..." Muffled sounds left her covered mouth as she tried to scream.

But then she was there again. It was all happening again. And it was like she had never left.

Pain. Submit. Void. Nothingness. The familiar process that she knew all too well swooped straight back in. The fight left her, and she quietened her body and her need to scream for help. She just let herself submit and go blank. It was as if she started to float inside her body, but not connected to it, as it became a mere shell and any life or struggle she had left inside shrivelled up into nothing. 

Submit. 

Void. 

Nothingness.

 

*

 

Mon-El had made it back to his car. But she wasn’t there. 

 

Shit. Of course she wasn’t there. But she couldn’t get out the gate without a swipe key or code and there was literally no other exit on the northwest side of the building. The entries were all out front in the opposite direction and surely he would have caught her in the hall. 

And his car was STILL running! This was only meant to be a two minute thing.  _FUCKING HELL._  

Mon-El killed the engine with the button on his key and raced back inside, going back the way he came. He would call out for her. But. He couldn’t. 

_DAMMIT KARA, WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST STAY IN THE CAR._

No. Okay. He wasn’t mad. He was full on freaking out, because honestly, a girl like her in a place like this… in a lilac skirt and soft white jumper that was more fluff than anything, and bare feet? She was going to stick out like a blinding innocent light in the middle of a place like this. And he was suddenly thankful that it was early and barely anyone was around yet. Just some of the regulars who were drinking and gambling, but mostly minding their own business. It was a Friday, so the activities didn’t really start until at least 11pm. 

He tried the bathrooms, ignoring the female with a pinprick in her elbow that gave him a glare for being in the ladies, before trying the lower lounges and a few private rooms. He was already panting and seriously was going to kick himself if he didn’t find her before she got shot. He couldn’t lose her. Not now. But why _?_ She was. Just. A girl. Ugh. He didn’t understand himself. 

Mon-El tried another door, breathing hard, and groaned when it was just like the others — empty. 

He was getting sick of using his swipe key to try all the private rooms, when they would be locked and she wouldn't be in there. But, he had to look everywhere. Trying another door, he caught sight of her golden hair. She was across the room, a man above her with his hands around her neck. 

And he was fucking her ruthlessly into the floor.

Rage rose in his chest, white hot and blistering, stabbing with the heat of a thousand suns and growing furious. He was literally seeing red, his anger flaming over into his vision and explosive fire causing his heart to burn with agony and pure wrath, as he swiftly crossed the room.

She was blank and lifeless, and Mon-El was literally going to TEAR THIS MANS THROAT OUT.

“YOU BASTARD!!!!” Mon-El pounced and ripped him off of Kara, gripping the mans skull by wrapping both hands around it, before dragging upwards and then smashing the man's face down into his knee. Mon-El's fists made contact with violent and bloody hits, hearing the crunch of his brutal strikes, and he gave a few more punches just for the hell of it before taking out a long blade, flicking it round in his hand skilfully, and plunging it into the man's neck. The deep wound in his jugular would make it last… bleeding to death. 

“You will die slowly and in pain.” Angry breathing left Mon-El, gasping for air and trying to stay level headed so he didn’t just blindly continue beating the living daylights out of this bag of shit. Shoving the man back up against the wall, Mon-El held him up by the collar and slammed his own jaw down, biting hard to resist strangling him or giving him a quicker death than he deserved.

Mon-El turned to her… but her eyes. They were so hurt. So betrayed. She had trusted him and he said that he would protect her. That no one would lay a hand on her ever again. And he...  

His heart ripped. She was still struggling for breath on the floor, hurriedly pulling the remainder of her skirt down and gasping.

Mon-El was livid. And turned back to her attacker to spit in his face, waiting for him to become too dizzy to struggle any longer. Dropping him to the ground with a thud, Mon-El revelled in the desperate gasps of this loathsome scumbag, watching hands come up to his bleeding throat, red pooling between his teeth and dripping down his chin. 

Trying to steady himself, Mon-El clenched his fists together before releasing them, turning around to Kara, desperate to apologize to her. 

“Kara, I’m  _so_  sorry. Are you alrigh...KARA NO!!!” He had turned to see she had already scrambled across to the other side of the room and picked up the man's gun, loading it and flicking the safety off skilfully, just as he had shown her. 

She was so hurt. So angry. SO DONE with the abuse. And though her hands were shaking, she managed to lift the barrel to her own head.

“KARA! KARA STOP!!” he cried desperately, before lowering his tone and holding his hands up unthreatening, trying to close the distance between them as quietly and slowly as possible.

"You said this would never happen again! You promised!!" She cried.

“Please, I know I failed you, I said I would protect you. I said no one would ever lay a hand on you. And I had every intention of keeping that promise.”

 

Her hands were shaking. Tears were filling her eyes. He was so close to losing her. "I meant every word, Kara. I never want to see you hurting or–"

“JUST STOP. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS LIKE. NO IDEA. To be… _used._  Again and again. To have no one. No one that gives a _damn_ about you. No home. No one that cares. NOTHING! I HAVE  _NOTHING!"_

“But I care, Kara. Can’t you see that?” He was going to lose her. And he didn’t realize just how much that would hurt him until this moment. 

“YOU DON’T!!! THIS IS WHERE YOU WORK!”

“Kara, please. He was out of line. A sick bastard who took advantage of you. We don’t have… that… here any more. We haven’t allowed it since I was a boy. Please believe me.”

She had maybe started to consider his words. The thought that she hadn’t been here in a long time. That perhaps he was telling the truth. One day the other girls said that they were all allowed to leave. At the last minute she had been forced to leave with a man, who then became her master. But she was never brought back here. She barely recognized Daxam it had been that long.

Mon-El took a little step closer. Hoping he was getting through.

“Please, Kara. I don’t want to lose you.”

He inched closer, seeing that the gun had drifted away a little bit while she considered his words. Her shaking fingers were still on the trigger and he tried to remain calm. If he could just get close enough, his lightning fast reactions might be enough. If she was distracted just enough. He might have a chance. 

She started to whisper. Defeated and hushed and she was just so tired.  “But. You said this would never happen again. I trusted you.” 

She was tired of all of it. The pain. The ruthless anxiety and constant nerves. The sickening waves that unraveled in her core every time she was violated in the worst way possible. 

“I know. And I’m sorry.” He could see it in her eyes. Every drop of pain was making them helpless and dark and weak. She hated her life. She hated it all. And she thought he didn’t care enough. That she would always live a life of suffering. 

“Please, Kara."

“BUT YOU PROMISED!!’ she cried. 

He barely had the chance to blink, as the gun went off. 

 

 

  
**


	21. Surprise Meetings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter, I'm sorry that I didn't get to reply to you all individually like I usually do, but I was a little overwhelmed and couldn't deal. Instead, I decided to get this update to you asap, and you can all thank @maybetomorrow who put everything down and stayed up till 4am her time so that it could be proofed. xxooooxo

 *

He had called Cole 4 times... to no answer. BITCH.

Lena answered her phone. 

“Mike! Finally called to beg and grovel for The Saturn? Or congratulate me on my win… which is it?”

“I need your help.”

“ _Excuse me_?”

“Lena, I… I need your help.”

“I’m sorry, I think I’m talking to the wrong Mike…Because those are words I never, EVER expected to be uttered out of your mouth.”

“THIS IS SERIOUS.”

“It must be serious, because I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Did you get someone pregnant? Because I swear to…”

“Dammit LENA, I’ve been SHOT. Just shut up and get your arse to my place!”

“Was there a  _please_  in there somewhere? Because I’m not sure I’m in the mood to put this lovely book and glass of wine down for you with that tone…”

“Please, Lena. I’m sorry. I can’t go to Rhea, you know my mother. I just. It’s complicated…  _Please_? I’ll even get you that bottle of Russian Vodka you like so much, the one I can only get from Valek. I’ll make a special visit just for you?

“Thats more like it. I’ll see you in a bit.”

 

*

 

“I can hear you, you know.”

Lena didn’t turn around, her eyes fixed on her work in front of her, pulling the bullet out of Mon-El’s leg, while making whoever was watching her secretly from behind stop their movements.

Curiosity got the better of Kara, and since she had already been found out, she peered around the corner a little more, trying to see if Mon-El was okay and find out who the gorgeous woman in his living room was.

The bullet made a clanging sound when it was released into a metal bowl, and Lena turned her head to see who should have been coming over to introduce themselves by now. Lena’s eyes widened. 

 “WHO THE HELL IS THIS?” She questioned, not expecting a lovely blonde to be standing behind her. Much less one that looked so… so… _innocent._  

“LENA! Be  _nice_.” Mon-El hissed.

“Oh no, no no no, you do  _not_  get to keep secrets from me. Tell me everything. Right now.” Her interest as well as confusion was peaked. What had Mike gotten himself into?

For once in his life, Mon-El didn’t roll his eyes or crack a joke, he just looked painfully at the blonde woman clutching the sleeves of her grey sweater like a timid little girl. Her lip was quivering. Her brow furrowed. She was  _weak_. What the heck was Mike doing hanging around a girl like this?

“I… I.. don’t know what to tell you, Lena.” He seemed defeated, and uncharacteristically worried, shaking his head and using a hand to lightly scratch at his cheek. 

Lena huffed, returning to her work for a moment to wait for Mike to cave and hurry up and spill about everything she had missed out on. When he continued his silence, Lena looked at Mike’s face to try to read him. He was staring over her shoulder with a pained expression, his eyes locked onto something. Following his gaze, Lena saw the young woman was still standing near the kitchen and the two were staring at each other, like a silent conversation was taking place between them. 

“Fucking hell! Oh god. I see, you took a bullet for  _her,_  didn’t you?” What an idiot. Was he serious? Rhea would kill him if she knew. No, she would kill the girl first, then kill him. "That’s why I’m here stitching you up on my Friday night, isn’t it? Because you took a bullet for some girl. And your mother would start breathing fire if she knew about… whatever the hell is going on here.” She waved her hand around, not knowing what the hell WAS going on here. But she wasn’t sure she even wanted to know. "Fricken heck Mike, you’ve gone soft! She  _must_  be special.”

“Actually… she was the one that shot me.” He grinned a little, like it was some joke. 

“Excuse me?” Lena was even more confused.

Mon-El just waved his hand dismissing it. “Long story. Never mind.” He spoke up then to Kara, asking her to join them.  “Come here, Kara. It’s okay, this is Lena. She’s a friend. Like a sister. She won’t hurt you.”

“Well that’s not true. I might.” Lena muttered.

“Shut up, Lena!"

Kara chewed on her lip, before obeying and slowly making her way over to Mon-El. She stood behind him, letting his body shield her from this new person.

Lena raised her brow at the way the blonde cowered a little behind Mike but looked curiously down at what she was doing, stitching up the bullet wound in his thigh. The girl’s eyes were a brilliant and deep blue, and once she had come closer, Lena could see the scars on her neck, a thick jagged line on her chest disappearing out of sight under her sweater, and what looked like a new bruise starting to form around her eye and cheek bone. She could tell by the way the blonde played with her fingers that one of her hands didn’t work quite the same as the other – her wrist had been broken once. Maybe more than once. Her nails were extremely short, bitten down ruthlessly to the edges and raw, a sign of extreme anxiety. 

“Gods, what happened to you?” Lena was genuinely shocked, the information she had gathered from her initial observations already disturbing, and she was sure there was more that she couldn’t yet see.

“You don’t have to answer that, sweetheart. Lena speaks her mind and doesn’t really have a sense of manners.” Mon-El muttered from his awkward position on the couch, and tried not to wince when Lena put her suture needle though his skin a bit carelessly for his comment. He gritted his teeth and noted he should probably talk a little more respectfully to Lena while she was holding a sharp pointy object in her hand.  

“So, I heard you shot Mike here. Nice work… I’ve wanted to shoot him a few times myself.” Lena smiled, making a friendly joke to break the ice.

“I… I didn’t mean to.” She was frowning, a deep line between her brows as they knitted together, and she looked genuinely sad and concerned. Lena had to change tact.

“Oh don’t worry about him. He’s tough. And going to be just fine. No harm done, see?” She cut the suture wire cleanly, and set her tools down. It was strange being kind to someone she didn’t even know. Ugh. She did it for Mike, inwardly rolling her eyes at the situation in front of her.

There was a knock at the door and the three of them jumped.

“Are you expecting anyone, Mike?”

“No. Bedroom. Now… take Kara.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” She hissed, barely keeping her voice down.

“Yes, I’m serious. Please, I can’t have anyone know she’s here with me. Please. Just.  _Please_.” He gave Lena a desperate look, one that he never gave her, and it made her cave. 

“Dammit, you owe me so bad.” Lena pulled Kara with her and when the girl resisted, wanting to be with Mike, she continued to shove her in the direction of the hallway to get her out of sight.

“No!” Kara started weakly grappling against Lena, and Mon-El had to reassure her as quickly as possible.

“Kara, it's okay, I just need to take care of this. You can trust her, okay? Please, I won’t be long.”

He hurriedly pulled his pants over his boxers, covering the wound and dumping the gauze and other shit from his medical treatment in the trash, before hiding Lena’s stuff under his jacket on the way. Taking a breath, he opened the door.

It was his mother.

“Michael.” She did NOT look impressed. 

She paused for that dramatic effect she always went for, hoping to make any guilty conscience awaken and let steep, before she actually started conversing. She always did that, finding that leaving her subjects to get flustered made lies easier to spot. 

“Mother. What brings you by?” He tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but let just enough of it drip into his words to let her know he was an adult, and didn’t appreciate the overbearing Mother act. Dropping in to his house? UGH. She never did that. Coming to his HOME? UGH. She must be up to something. Or she already knew, which meant he was royally screwed. But at least it would save him getting an earful from Lena. 

“Would you like to explain to me why you killed ANOTHER one of my workers today? Not to mention the lovely phone call I got from Razor - who, may I remind you, is for OFF site cleaning jobs, not internal bullshit. He charges through the roof for his services, and next time you better be cleaning up the body YOURSELF. I’m not paying for you ruining my carpets when it can easily be taken care of in-house. Get one of your other minions to do it if you must.” 

Ah yes, the typical mother rant. He had to call Razor because he didn’t  _want_  it to be taken care of in-house. There was already enough trouble when Viktor got a bullet - that bastard was good friends with a number of Rhea’s men. Including the fucker who he had put a knife through earlier today. Razor didn’t ask questions, he just did his job. And that’s exactly what Mon-El needed at the time. 

“Just send me the bill, Rhea. I’ll take care of it.” She must be up to something. He left her in the cold of the doorway, refusing to let her into his home. If she wanted to grill him, she would have to do it on his front steps. 

“You didn’t answer me. Why did you kill him? And did you not have the forethought to at least take him outside first? Gods Michael, I thought we taught you better than that." 

“He was disrespectful to me, and no one ever disrespects a Gand. Isn’t  _that_  what you taught me, Mother?” He said it simply and matter of fact. Just like she would. Rhea had no issues with killing someone for purely being an annoyance or inconvenience. Why couldn’t he do the same? 

Rhea pressed her lips together, considering. It wasn’t exactly a good explanation. But she did approve. She had always thought Michael might not live up to her standards. He was always soft as a boy, never quite as ruthless and cunning as she would have liked. But he continued to surprise her, almost meeting her expectations. She used to think he would struggle to kill a man, but now he was grown, he didn’t seem to have any issues with it at all. Perhaps she should stop being so concerned with how he handled things. But, she still worried her control over him was slipping. And that’s what mattered. 

"Who is here with you?” Rhea noted the female attire on the couch. Keeping her voice sickly sweet as she talked through her false smile. “I thought I heard you talking to someone through the door?”

“…Hello Rhea, lovely to see you. What brings you by?” Lena had been listening and upon realizing it was his mother, stepped out into view in her usual calm and graceful way.

“Lena my dear! Oh good, it’s you. I would hate for Michael to be hanging around with any bad influences. He often doesn’t know what’s good for him."

Mon-El gritted his teeth to avoid saying something that would offend his mother, but then Lena broke up the tension with her charm.

“Well, Mike may have his own way of dealing with things, but he is pretty good at keeping our houses on top. I mean, not as good as me – obviously – but he pulls his weight. The power in the Gand name continues to strike fear wherever it is heard.” Lena smiled that sweet smile before continuing to smooth Rhea down at the edges. “Anyway… we were just about to have a drink. To discuss negotiations on the Lumeire de Saturne? Turns out our client hasn’t come up with the price we wanted.” She shrugged. “Mike tells me you have a potential buyer, one with deep pockets. We could split the profits. We are aligned, after all…”

To Lena, it wasn’t even about the piece. She just liked to show up Mike and beat him at a little challenge. She couldn’t care less what happened to the Saturn after that. A little danger and thrill was all she wanted.

Mon-El had to keep his jaw from dropping. Lena might be bitch, but at this moment he really did love her as a sister. Perhaps she wasn’t so bad – she was covering for him. And sacrificing the priceless piece to do so.

The Luthor woman continued to smile as Rhea raised her brow in interest. It appeared she had a way of taming the beast in not just any man, but also in the infamous Rhea Gand, as the older woman backed down.

“Oh, well that is quite alright. It’s good to see Michael isn’t a total failure after all. I’ll leave you to your negotiations. We would certainly love to have a claim to the acquisition of the Saturn, and the profits, of course.” She nodded curtly at Lena. "And Michael? …Dinner, soon. Lar and I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Mon-El nodded, relieved that this conversation had not gone any where near as badly as it could have. Rhea spun on her heel before turning back to give a masked threat as she left.

“Oh, one more thing. Your father may let you off on a loose leash, but I have eyes everywhere, and I will know the moment you fuck up. Don’t disappoint me again.”

Rhea twirled around to stalk off, and was promptly flanked by two male guards as Mon-El shut the door.

...

“She’s a charmer, that mother of yours.”

“Shut up, Lena. Like yours is any better…”

“Touché. Now you better go get that girl of yours before she has a panic attack or something. I’ve got shit to do. But you better be filling me in over coffee. And SOON.”  
   
“She’s not a  _girl,_  Lena.”

“Uhm. Have you seen her? She’s a timid puppy of a thing…”

“Don’t you have shit to do?”

She scowled and began to gather up her stuff. “Coffee, Mike, and we can discuss the Saturn then... when I’ve actually convinced Lillian to do this load of bull that I just made up on the spot.”

“Are you sure you don’t actually want to stay for wine? It has been a while…”

“Clearly!” Lena rolled her eyes and walked into the kitchen to help herself to a bowl of water and a few paper towels. She could clean her tools properly later, but a quick wipe down would do for now so that they weren’t bloody. Lena noticed an open packet of biscuits and popped one her her mouth before she shut the pantry with her foot and walked back over to the couch.  

Mon-El secretly loved how Lena felt so at home here. A part of him wished Kara could be so bold, helping herself to his treat stash, even though he was slightly annoyed that he knew Lena had taken the last chocolate biscuit on purpose. 

Mon-El leaned on the door, watching from a distance. He was waiting for Lena to gut him about Kara, but she just cleaned her tools while munching quietly. 

“Stop staring, Mike. It’s not like we haven’t seen each other in a while.” She was being sarcastic. It had been too long.

“I’m sorry about that. I’ve been… busy.”

“Yes, I can see that.” She briefly raised her attention to him to give a disapproving look, her eyebrow slightly raised. "You gave her my ring.” Did he really think she wouldn’t notice?

“I didn’t know it was yours.” He defended.

“Fair enough. It’s not like any shortage of women come through this house.” Lena shrugged, another sly dig at Mike making him frown. Somehow, she feared this girl was different. She wasn’t expendable or a swiss model, and although she was beautiful, it did NOT look at all like he was getting anything of  _that_  sort from her. It was a shame she lacked a bold confidence. Kara would make a wonderful seductress… oh gods. She didn’t mean to think that. Still, a note for later. Lena knew how to cast spells over men, and occasionally it was annoying that she couldn’t send someone else to do it for her. She could do with a protege. 

Lena wanted time to think. And to talk to Mike about everything. ...But now wasn’t really the best time. Lena needed to get home - she wasn’t actually reading a book and drinking wine when he had called her, she was getting ready to go out. 

Finishing up, she rose to her feet to leave, pulling on her jacket. As she walked past him for the door, he placed a hand on her arm to stop her.

“Thank you, Lena, really. I know I’m a pain in the arse. But, thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She pushed past him to let herself out. “Better have my vodka when I see you next!” She called over her shoulder as she made her exit, leaving Mon-El to deal with the aftermath of the evening. 

 

**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes - Sorry team, criminals have silencers on their weapons. Therefore, no loud gunshot was overheard. 
> 
> Also, Rhea never knew about Vik owning Kara. He took her home with him last minute when a lot of their workers were let go and forced to find other jobs. (A few illegal ones were in the mix, but only because they needed some younger girls to cater for taste. Assume there was one other girl like Kara - and yeah, she was probably sold off. But Rhea didn’t really deal with that side of the business. As long as the money came in, she only really checked in once and a while and left it to whoever job it was to run that strand of the business. She may oversee everything, but that doesn't mean she's hugely involved in every last detail. And guess who was running that particular part of the business all those years ago? Yeah… The guy who took one girl home for himself. Glad he’s dead now. It’s also why he took the initiative to grab her in the first place — he knew she would be good for Daxam because he was a large part of that. And he was rewarded by Rhea for bringing her in. If you remember that chapter.)
> 
> Anyway. More on that later. Flashbacks and things. Which makes this note kind of a spoiler? Oops. Sorry.
> 
> Okay. Hope that filled you in mostly.
> 
> Peace. 


	22. Lavender.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For lavender to release its fragrance and healing properties, it must first be crushed.

*

Mon-El knocked on Kara’s door, and when she didn’t answer, made his way inside. She was wrapped up in blanket laying on the bed on her side, her back to him.

“Are you alright, Kara?”

“What did he want?”

“Who?”

“The man at the door.”

“Oh. It.. was my mother actually, she was just.. checking in.”

Kara rolled over and propped herself up, looking intensely at Mon-El. “Did something happen? Is she okay?” It was pretty late to be stopping by her son’s house. And on a Friday night, no less.

“What? Oh, yeah, everything’s fine. She just hasn’t seen me much lately.” He scratched the side of his cheek. “She was giving me a bit of a rark up. She wants me to go by the family house and have dinner soon to see her and my father. It’s been a while.”

“Sounds nice.” Ugh. He took his parents and family for granted. What she wouldn’t give for a normal family dinner with her parents.

“It's not what it’s cracked up to be, trust me.” Mon-El shrugged, rolling his eyes. 

“...Until you no longer have a family.” Kara let the vile taste leave with her words -- bitter. But the words were too soft when she spoke to him, making her just sound weak.

Mon-El noticed the way Kara was gritting her teeth as she spoke. She was hurting. And he shouldn’t have mentioned his parents. Fuck. “I’m sorry, Kara. Do you. Want to talk about it? Your family, I mean.”

“No, not today.”

“But some day?”

“Mhhmmm.” She could tell him. She thinks she could. Then maybe he wouldn’t take his own family for granted, and he would have dinner with them every chance he got. But for now she was exhausted. It wasn’t like this hadn’t happened a hundred times over, but she was so tired, having processed far too much in one day. She felt completely wilted.

"Uhm. I know it's late. But, I can run you a bath, if you like.” Mon-El’s hand went to the back of his neck as he offered, but his eyes flicked between both of hers, searching for an answer. She seemed so weary, and a little sullen.

“I’m sorry I shot you, I didn’t mean it.” Her voice was delicate and hushed, coming out in a tumble of words. But Mon-El was still processing all the events of the day. 

“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about that now." 

 

*

He couldn’t believe that he was thankful to have snuck in some lavender bubble bath for Kara last minute, when they were at that chick’s store. It was crazy to think he had actually been _that_ thoughtful. It’s just. He knew Kara liked lavender, and he also knew it to be calming and soothing — which her anxiety seemed to need at the time. Now, it seemed even more appropriate, as he drifted the lilac bottle over the hot water while his tub filled.

As he shut the water off, he let his head drop, starting to really grasp how exhausted he was. How much he feared Rhea would find out the real reason he killed one of her best workers. A defeated sigh was leaving his lips when he heard Kara behind him, and quickly lifted his head up. 

He got up, scowling at the pain in his thigh before trying to soften his expression. And he left Kara out a towel and book.  

“Mon-El... Thank you.”

“It’s the least I could do.” He shrugged. She had been through far too much today. "I’m going to go to sleep now, if that’s okay. You can stay in here as long as you want. Don’t worry about waking me up. Just sneak through whenever you’re ready — i’ll be fine.”

She nodded and Mon-El politely closed the door, leaving her to undress in peace. 

Kara felt like she was a wash of featherlight fabric, drifting in wind – delicate and flimsy and barely existing. But when she lowered herself into the bath and let the fragrant hot water soak into her senses, it was like heavenly light chased away all the darkness. 

After closing her eyes for a wee while, she tipped her head up to reach for the book Mon-El had left her.

_Alice in Wonderland._

He remembered.

 

—

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this short sweet chapter as a wee breather and my apology for the last two chapters. Lol. Also -- you kids in my comments section need to CALM DOWN. hahahahah! I love you all so much. I promise you will get everything you never knew you needed. But it will take some time. I don't have any patience either - so don't worry. I shouldn't be updating this fast. But... looks like I am. 
> 
> Thanks @maybetomorrow for being my superbeta. Love you always.
> 
> Stay sweet my Karamels ;)


	23. Self Sufficiency.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [What is Lena up to at the moment?]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Random note. I finally added in my aesthetics from tumblr (sweet-karamel.tumblr) and hid them around some of the chapters. Lavender, Wonderland, I am done with my graceless heart, and The Houses of Gand & Luthor. If you haven’t seen them on tumblr there I've popped them into a03 now. And will start posting them now and then to chapters xo ]
> 
> Shoutout to @handlewithkara lol - you'll see why when you read ;)

  

 

 

*

Lena finally left her house a little after midnight to head to her office. Fuck. She really should have checked in on Mike sooner. What in the world? It _sort of_  made sense – Mike was always softer than her, and though he was well trained, life bent him in a direction that perhaps wasn’t in his actual nature. He was sweet when he was young, always trying to keep up with her and tagging along like an annoying little brother, slightly sensitive to both his parents and Lena’s quips. 

And then Rhea happened. And Lena tried to make him stronger – whether for her own purposes or to protect him, she wasn’t so sure – but Lena had thickened his skin with her playful jabs (light bullying?) and giving him a kick up the arse when he needed it. She taught him the art of stealth, and was also partly responsible for his knife skills – although Lar had assigned a few men to show him the in’s and outs of criminal life, preparing him, so that he could take part in the Gand’s legacy. 

Mike became cold. He was always a bit of a lone wolf — though they stayed in contact, she knew he didn’t keep friends. No connections, no liabilities. It was easier that way. Work was his life, and his top priority was keeping his parents appeased. He grew in both brutality and cunning, in power and callous indifference.

But this? Lena wasn’t at all expecting a timid girl to be in his fucking house on a Friday night. And she shot him? Accidentally? How _on Earth_ did Mike even let that happen?! Michael Gand would have shot her long before she managed to put a bullet in his leg, which only meant he _let it_ happen. This ‘Kara’ girl clearly wasn’t skilled with weaponry, and had no intentions of actually pointing it at him, if her aghast expression had anything to say about it. Mike didn’t even seem to really care about the wound, which was pretty normal, he took a beating on Thursday at _Draaga,_ but still, he should have been at least a little bit pissed. 

And the blonde. She had been standing behind Mike like her was her noble guard, tugging at a sweater that looked brand new, until she pulled some threads. It was definitely cashmere, which was expensive as fuck, so between that and her wearing a ring on her finger that, by the way, used to be HERS, Lena could only guess he had _bought that sweater for her!_  

Ugh. Mike was clearly in deep, and probably didn’t recognize he’d already fallen down the rabbit hole.  She was a jittery little thing, like a scared bunny. But Lena could see a brokenness not unlike a younger Mike. The one that would pull the duvet over his head and sulk until she dragged his sorry arse out for an adventure. 

She was weak. Like he was back in the day.  

But he wasn’t like that now! Why would he want anything to do with her?!

“Lena, you're here late. What brings you buy the office?” Lena blinked, having already driven herself to Luthor-Corp and been walking on auto-pilot to her office. 

“Winn, go home! What could possibly need doing at this time of night? Don’t you have a life? It’s a Friday night, for god’s sake.”

“Says the woman that literally just walked in.” Winn gave her a knowing look and she scowled in return. “Do you really want me to explain all the 'techie bullshit’ I think you called it, to you? Like, I know you understand most of it, but you look like you’ve got something important on your mind.”

“Very true, and you’re right, I don’t have time. But I need my resident IT genius to actually get some sleep every now and then.”

“Yes, ma'am.” 

“Don’t call me that.” Lena strutted past her tech agent, pulling her swipe key out of her back pocket. As she rounded the corner, she thought of something. She titled her head back.

“Actually, Winn. Do you want a little side job? Requires a bit of hacking."

“Ooooh, yaaas, who’s the best hacker in Salvgar!”

"Felicity Smoak. Actually. But you’ll do…” She gave him a wink when his expression deflated. She entered back into the corridor to talk with him. “Does uhm… Daxam have security cams you can get into?”  

“Are you serious?! You want to hack into the security systems of a prestigious nightclub? I don’t even want to know what kind of shenanigans goes on in that ghastly place.”

“You mean the coverup business for our allied partners? The great and mighty House of Gand? You’ve never met Rhea have you…”

“No.. why…”

“Let’s just say if you ever do… I wouldn’t talk as freely with her as you do with me.”

“Surely she isn’t as scary as everyone says! I’ve heard it all. It’s gotta just be one of those huge ploys so that everyone thinks she’s rich and powerful and does what they are told. I mean, everyone thinks you’re a scary powerful Luthor…”

Before Winn could even blink, Lena tossed a knife at him that landed in the wall, grazing his cheek before it planted itself next to his now wide eyes. 

“I AM a scary, powerful Luthor.” 

“Right. Yes. Sorry. Right."

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk to much, Winn? Why do I even keep you around...”

“Became I’m a genius?” Winn started to do that dumb grin. 

Lena rolled her eyes. “Don’t push your luck.”

“Why am I hacking your ‘allied partners’ anyway, may I ask? Can’t you just get them to give you the footage?”

“No, you may not ask, but you can do it next week. Go home.” She shooed him before starting to make her way to her office.

“A delivery came for you. It’s on your desk. James told me to tell you if you came by late… like you usually do.”

“Thanks, Winn. See you Monday.” She had important shit to do. And it would probably take all weekend. She needed to start now.

 

*

Slipping though Mon-El’s room, Kara gently shut his door and walked down the hall to finally get some sleep. She discarded her towel and then pulled Mon-El’s shirt from under her pillow, noticing that the room was warmer. Letting the garment descend quietly over her chest, Kara noted that Mon-El must have turned the heater on in the hall, allowing the dreamy temperature to drift into her room while she was in the bath.

Kara closed her eyes a moment and let out a long breath.  _He cared._ He said he did, saw her at her worst and still insisted he cared about her. And as far as she could tell. He. Maybe. Really. _Did._

She picked up the towel to dry the last of her waves, before she got up and draped it across the back of a chair. Gingerly picking up a comb to run through her long tresses, she felt… calm. Her skin and hair smelled like flowers. And the balmy warmth had drifted in like a fine mist, cloaking her heart in a content haze. 

She sat on the bed contemplating, biting her lower lip. There was no reason not to allow herself to sleep in the bed. Mon-El wasn’t like her previous master. At least… not yet. Maybe. It wouldn’t matter. 

Kara quickly plaited her hair down one side, dropping it over her shoulder and staring at the bed. 

She shouldn't. But it would be different this time. Maybe. 

Pulling back the covers, the lavender scent in her nose glassed over her unease, allowing her to slither into the sheets and pull the comforter up to her collar. 

It was cold. Empty. The expanse of space made her heart deflate slightly, and this was what she was afraid of. Turning on her side, the vacant space haunted her a little. It was always easier to sleep when… when her master’s arms were wrapped securely around her middle, his warmth pressing into her back and calm breaths lulling her to sleep. 

She missed him. She didn’t want to - hell - he was a fucking monster. But she did. She had been his for half her life. And she didn’t know how to sleep in a bed without him there. 

Kara pulled the pillow down to her chest, clutching it to her stomach. Just breathing.

And then she wept. 

She sobbed until she fell into a dreamless and exhausted sleep.

 

*

Mon-El skipped breakfast to clean his car, leaving Kara to sleep in. 

_"…flipping…new…seats… why did I bother…”_ Mon-El muttered to himself flatly, scrubbing the blood off where he had left it to stain last night. He LOVED his Mustang! His poor car seats were a mess, and he continued to swipe at them with a cloth while silently grieving, as he recalled how quiet and upset Kara had been when he had to drive home with his shirt wrapped tightly around his thigh. 

“I’m sorry about your car seats,” he heard Kara behind him, walking down his front steps.

"Well, this is what happens when you shoot people.”

“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean too.” He heard her stop. "I wasn’t going to shoot myself Mon-El, I decided not to. _I believe you.”_ She almost whispered the last part, speaking delicately.

"Well, I didn’t know that at the time, Kara.” He sighed, chucking down the cloth to pull his head out of the car and turn to her. "You were so close to pulling that trigger, and…  I did the only thing I could think of so that you would miss."

“I’m sorry.”

Mon-El just shrugged. “Better me than you.” He bent down to wring out the cloth while the water turned a crimson brown, rinsing it out a few times to bring the scrap of material up clean.

"Why do you care so much?"

“Huh?"

"Why do you care... what happens to me.” She had folded her arms protectively around her middle, biting her lip to await his answer. Mon-El stopped what he was doing, swiping a hand through his hair before answering. 

"I guess. Because I was like you once.” He shrugged.

“Me?"

"Not exactly. But I guess I see some of myself in you. Not.. this version of me. Who I was.. before. Trapped. Abused. A little helpless. Look, I don’t really want to talk about it."

"You were abused too?"

“Not in the same way as you. But. It doesn’t matter now. That was a long time ago."

 "Teach me."

"Teach you what?"

"To be like you. If you were like me once, I can become like you. Teach me to become like you.” 

"I don’t want you to be like me, Kara.” Mon-El lifted his fingers to the bridge of his nose, pinching down while his brain went through weird flashes of guilt and flashbacks of his transgressions. 

"Why not?"

"Because I’m not a good person.” 

"You are to me.”

He let out an exasperated sigh and tilted his head back, looking up towards the heavens, and begging the gods to give him strength before returning to look at Kara.  "That’s different."

“Why?” That darned crinkle in her brow deepened as he watched Kara's face scrunch up. Gods, she was persistent.

"Because I didn’t mean for this to happen."

"You don’t want me..."

"That’s not what I said. I didn’t plan this. It just happened. It was never my intention to rescue you. I didn't really even understand why the hell I did it at the time."

"But you did."

 “…"

"So teach me."

 

*

 

“What do you actually _do?_  At Daxam?"

"Usually, I steal things. Sometimes, I shoot people. "

Well, that was already obvious. She gleaned as much the day she met him. 

"I do whatever needs doing.” Mon-El shrugged before removing his jacket. He was stretching, so she thought she'd better copy him and do the same. 

She still continued her annoying questions. But it was good to finally be talking. 

"So. You make money hurting people?"

"I told you I wasn’t a good person.” He sighed, shaking his head before changing arms for 30 seconds.

"Why do you do it?”

“Stand like this.” Mon-El ignored the question to instruct her. He took a normal balanced stance, just plain and simple, facing Kara with his weight evenly distributed - well - as much as he could manage with his leg throbbing. He didn’t want Kara to be upset about having hurt him. It was an accident, but she still seemed concerned and was constantly reminding him how sorry she was. He tried to hide it, rolling his eyes a bit when she kept talking. 

"Why do you work as a criminal?”

Mon-El huffed. He didn’t know Kara had the ability to talk this much. "Because I have to."

"You don’t have a choice?” 

“Not really. It’s complicated. You’re off balance, you need to stand with your legs shoulder width apart. One slightly in front of the other." 

“Like this?” 

"Better."

 

*

 

He continued to instruct her on balance and awareness of one's body before letting her take out her knife. He took out the one from his father, which seemed ironic considering it was a symbol of his loyalty to house Gand.

“Now, it’s not really your arms that give you the strength and power, use your entire body. Your legs. Your weight. THEIR weight. Stance is more important than strike." 

“So…” Kara gestured that she had no idea how to hold the thing in her hand properly. 

"Hold it however is most comfortable to you. Practice carrying it around. Play with it. Spin it. Get to _know_ it. The more you learn the feel of your knife, the easier it will be to just use it like it’s a part of you. I mean, if you have to use someone else’s that’s fine. But it's nice to have one that you can… I dunno... Trust." 

He tossed his knife about between his hands, spinning it, showing off like he usually did. He was confident in his skills, and Kara could see why Mon-El was so calm and collected all the time. He had nothing to fear. 

"Toss it around when you are reading your book in the other hand. That sort of thing. If you just learn the feel of it while you are doing other things, it will become natural."

"When did you learn? Did you just start carrying a knife around one day?"

He laughed. "To be honest I prefer my fists or my 9mm. It was actually Lena that first taught me how to use a knife."

“The woman that was here last night?"

“Yeah, her.” 

“How do you know her?"

“We sort of… grew up together.” 

“Is she nice?” Kara had stopped moving to ask her overly curious questions. 

“Uhm. Not really. It’s... hard to explain.”

“She's like you.”

“Yes, she’s like me.”

“But you. Don’t like her.”

“She’s a bit of a bitch. But I like her in my own way. I mean, she DID come take a bullet out of my leg. Kinda makes up for getting me in shit with my mother all the time, doesn't it?"

“No, I mean. You don’t… _like_ like her… do you?”

“Hah, Kara, we aren’t in school! Me and Lena aren’t romantically involved, no. And we have never have been in a relationship, if that’s what you are asking.”

“So you slept with her then.”

“KARA!”

“Well? Did you?”

“No…”

She raised her brows, completely disbelieving. 

“… FINE. ONCE. And it wasn’t like that. It was. We were drunk. And it was a mistake. It was weird and we both knew it was weird and we vowed to never speak of it ever again.”

“Right.”

“Why do you even care?”

“I don’t.” He saw a little moody wave overtake her. He recognized it from when he got in shit with Eve. Or Lena. 

“Okay… so. Do you want to train or keep talking my ear off?” He teased her, seeing if he could push her buttons. 

She lunged at him, knowing he would most likely stop her, and of course he twisted out of the way so that she couldn’t stick her knife through his shoulder. She frowned.

“Good. A bit of fire in you. We can use that."

 

** 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note - I made an error which I fixed in Ch 20: Broken promise. All of Daxam's private rooms are locked and you need a code or key card to get in (because people pay through the roof to use those rooms and I forgot temporarily while writing the explosive emotive side of things). It’s been updated, but Mon’s swipe works for every door.. and a few of Rhea's men who are high up the chain also have access so that they can use them. (i.e. The guy that has been with Rhea over 10+ years up until Mon put a knife through his neck. As someone pointed out, he is the guy standing with Vik in the chapter ‘Devil's Breath.’ Well done for thinking of it, because i didn’t actually say it.) Need that for future stuff. So yup. cool. peace. 
> 
> @maybetomorrow = best superbeta eva.


	24. A slice of lemon.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback. #lemon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is a strange chapter. If I’m cringing, you probably are too. *Snort giggles. Cackling. And in the distance... evil laughter*. 
> 
> P.s. Feel free to skip this flashback. You wont miss any story. Its just for fun. ;).

 

 

The night seemed to be a blazing success, a relaxed and cheerful aura floating over the elegant decor and dance floor. No doubt it was from some of the …stronger drinks, releasing tension from minds and bodies. Mon-El was chuffed.

He watched as Eve finished glazing a glass that held a colourless liquor, putting a slice of lemon on the top and handing it to a beautiful dark-skinned woman wearing a black choker necklace and silver dress. 

“Scotch for the golden boy?”

“… _Eve,_ ” he warned, pinching his lips together. She was always pushing the boundaries of professionalism with him, and had been getting a bit _too_ comfortable lately.

“Sorry. Your drink, Michael.” The spritely blonde grinned in her candy-floss pink dress, passing him the glass.

She was a worry, that girl. But always smiling and flitting about like a colourful dragonfly. At least someone was enjoying their night.

"Mike!" Lena had pushed her way through the crowd, utterly beaming at how the elegant (but a little boozy) evening was going.

“Lena! Seems like everyone is having an alright time, huh? Everyone loves a good party.” He winked at her, relaxing at the familiar face.

"Nothing like free drinks and a dance floor to put the soul at ease, right? Thanks for the venue, by the way.”

“Oh, well I know this guy, you see, who is part of the family that runs the place. Had to pull a few strings to book out the entire club… Cost me an arm and a leg!"

“Ugh, you are so full of it!” She scrunched her face at him, before quickly returning to her gushing delight. "Please tell me you have tried the stardust ciders! They are to DIE for!” 

He let out a wide grin, knowing it was his own secret recipe. He was a bit of an alcohol enthusiast in his spare time. A mixologist, you could say. His sly expression faded a little and it didn’t go unnoticed by Lena.

"Tonight is meant to be fun and celebratory, you know…” She put a finger fiercely under his chin to tilt it up when she saw Mike frowning – probably not even realizing he was doing it. “I mean. Isn’t it someone’s birthday or something? I hear she is pretty important.”

“Really? That’s not what I heard…"  his smug grin returned.

"Come on. Let’s show these kids how it’s done." She was almost challenging him, light banter on her tongue, and a warm invitation that he would be disrespectful to refuse. She nodded fiercely towards the ballroom gowns and tuxedoes, the mixture of colour and sound and movement. Daxam had cleaned up okay. (None of those sleezy dancers here tonight). 

Lena was right up in his face taking his glass out of his hand to place it down on the bar, but he snatched it to quickly chuck back the rest of his drink, before putting it down himself. “Alright.” He leaned back against the bar and faked a displeased scowl. "ONE dance. And only because you are the birthday girl.”

And he found himself following Lena. The least he could do was stop moping about for a few minutes and try enjoy himself.

She had her back to him as she led them through people of all kinds, some men (and women) with strange piercings in their ears, and other refined females that looked far too shallow to be of Lena’s liking. But the crowd was certainly enjoying themselves. Mon-El continued to follow her, slipping between couples and drinks.

She was confident – her shoulders always upright but not rigid. Her smile always fierce and yet not threatening. Okay… her resting bitch face scared him, but the moment it broke into a smile she revealed herself to be charming and assertive and way too much fun to resist.

Lena spun around suddenly when they had enough space to freely dance and let her hands fall on his shoulders. She was wearing black, low cut, which he politely ignored, and her lips a dark wine. So very Lena.

“Try not to embarrass yourself, huh Mike?”

Oh,  _this_   _little bitch_. Their banter had grown over the evening from awkward back to the comfortable teasing between old friends. They hadn’t seen each other for a while, Lena having been in Morocco. Spending time away, she also had a birthday week on vacation in Greece before finally returning to have a party at home.  

“Oh, don’t you worry. As long as you let me lead, you might even look like one of the most fantastic dancers here. I can assure you”. He settled his hand gently on her waist tugging her into his personal space while his other hand clasped her palm. Their smirks matched.

It was easy with her. Lights. Colours. Getting to know someone more purely by trusting them with your body as you moved together. It could be a disaster really… of stepping on toes or stumbles or awkwardness. It required a level of vulnerability to sway together, but it brought a sense of elation when two people could keep time and allow themselves to connect purely for the enjoyment of connection. For fun.

“So… you’re in shit with Rhea again, huh?” Lena spun outwards, away from him before spinning back in, their hands meeting perfectly and his relaxed hand settled politely back on her waist.

“Can we not talk about that. I was kind of hoping to pretend to enjoy myself….”

Her eyes were inspecting him, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. She had a way of letting her eyes pierce him without actually hurting or feeling judgement. She went for a typical quip, drowning out the last of his qualms about his mother by changing the subject. “Pretend? You’re with me. That’s definitely good enough reason to be enjoying yourself.” She laughed, spinning away form him again and then landing her spin with her back to his chest, her arm crossed over to join again with his movements.

Lena was a fantastic dancer, light on her feet, relaxed enough to let him lead, but assertive enough to make every movement one that was filled with grace and poise. It was effortless with her. He didn’t have to think or force anything. It just.... flowed.

They continued to share a sort of common disinterest of their jobs, catching up between spins and tilts and whirls. He made sure to ask about Morocco, so that nothing about Rhea came up again, and she bragged about the relaxed and pampered moments – with a few sly thrills along the way.  Many pairs of eyes had started to drift towards the pair, trying to be subtle about stealing glances at the birthday girl and her dance partner. It made Lena glow even more. She loved the attention, and knew sliding her breath next to Mike’s ear would goad them, while doing nothing to Mike. She was untouchable, invincible, a Luthor. And dancing with the heir of House Gand? Well. It was the perfect show.

“You enjoy pretending to flirt with me FAR too much, Lena.”

“Come on, we are the envy of everyone here. Royalty, remember?”

“Queen Lena. Yeah, that definitely sounds like you.”

“Don’t you like making all the girls jealous?”

“Well I would, but I think they are all a little put off by the fact you could slit their throats. All the guys here just think that’s hot. Not to mention you are probably a major hit to their self esteem… the ladies, I mean."

“Ah, the truth is spoken.” She gleefully accepted the partial compliments. And let him slide a hand down her lower back, and even lower,  just because they liked to trick people into thinking they were the most desirable ones in the room.”

The jealous stares continued, and there was a small chance Lena’s dress came up just enough to give a few onlookers a glimpse of the knife strapped to her thigh. 

She let her head fall on Mike's shoulder a moment to hide her amusement, before pulling back, still trying to contain a sly grin and stay the perfectly poised and controlled Luthor. 

“Hah, what a laugh. The heirs of the noble houses. Really they are just two kids teasing the dogs with sticks.” 

"Not all men are dogs, Lena."

"And not all women are bitches, Mike."

 

 

\------

 

It was a cool summer’s night, and Mon-El was laying back on the grass out by the furthest edges of the cliffs, tipping his eyes up to the stars. They were moving kinda weird. Should they be moving? Whatever. 

He didn’t really smoke, but tonight he made an exception, lifting the lit cigarette to his lips for a long draw, feeling the soothing wash against his throat and filling his lungs, before a slow exhale dispelled the poison. It wafted gently through the air, before Mon-El blindly stubbed the thing out and flicked it away somewhere in the dark. 

“It’s nice out here.” Lena was lying next to him, trying not to spill vodka on her dress while she was sort of drinking upside down, laughing a little at how awkward it was to drink while laying on her back. 

“Calm, right? Like the rest of the world doesn’t matter. At least for a while.” Mon-El was hazy, letting his head fall to the side a little while his fuzzy eyes found Lena’s. 

“You’re such a dick, Mike.” she had her lips pressed together, trying not to smile at her useless insult.

Mon-El didn’t even dignify her with an answer, just lazily bringing up his arm to pull the finger at her, sticking his middle finger up right to her face. He mouthed _‘Fuck youuuu’_ silently through his lips, drawing out the letters with a bit of laughter dancing across his irises.

She made a sour face at him, shoving his hand playfully back towards him, which caused him to accidentally hit himself in the face.

“Ow! You bitch, take it easy. And pass me the bottle, would you?” He scowled at her, but his heart was warm – fuzzy and calm. 

"Here," she reached blindly around for the bottle, pulling it over and gently passing it across to Mike. 

“Alright, so not a total bitch, I’ll admit.” He tucked one arm under his head to lean on it, taking a quick swig while continuing to enjoy the sky.

He felt her gaze on him and when he looked over, she had rolled over on her side to prop up on one elbow, leaning on her arm.

“What?”

“I dunno. Does your face alway look like that?” Lena questioned.

“What, handsome and brooding?”

“I was going to say swirling a little bit. But that’s probably this glorious stuff! Remind me to only ever get my vodka from Valek in future...”

“Pfff. We aren’t _thatttt_ drunk. What a lightweight!”

“I’m not sure if it's my eyes, but I’m pretty sure you have alcohol literally slipping from your mouth onto your shirt.”

“Fuck!”

She laughed, watching him struggle. She didn’t care. They were alone and it wasn’t like they had to be anyone while they were out here. No one to impress. No one to notice. 

He went to pass the bottle back to her when she gripped his collar instead, dragging him closer to her and their breaths mingling, their lips far too close to mean anything good. 

But he put his finger under her chin anyway, to guide her lips quietly up towards his, tasting the Vodka on her when they accidentally pressed together.

He heard the near empty bottle drop with a light thud as Lena became urgent, deepening the kiss before tugging roughly at his shirt with force, until he rolled over on top of her, a palm each side of her face. He leaned down and kissed her neck, smoothing along its surface, and filled the hollow ache inside his wretched being with the sweetness of hazy sensation. 

The dark pool momentarily subsided, the endless hole easing with feeling of closeness... a surge of connection. Mon-El felt her redirect his lips back to hers, a dull smile under his own. It was lazy. Easy. Requiring no thought or effort from him, he just let his hands wander of their own accord, finding some form of twisted comfort from the proximity of being so near to someone he trusted. Not to mention, now that he thought about it, she was rather desirable. He wasn’t blind.

“Sometimes I forget that you are actually really fucking hot." 

“How? I’m gorgeous." She teased, bringing him back towards her.

 

\-----

 

“What the fuck!"

“Ow! Stop shouting! My head hurts enough as it is!” Mike took a while to open his eyes, complaints falling out of his mouth.

“Did we? ..."

“What?” He needed a moment to take in a bit more information, before looking slightly mortified. “No!"

"No…?"

“We. No. Nope…. No way." Mon-El was pretty certain that _NOPE._

"Then why are your pants over there….” Lena raised her brows at him, fighting the throbbing grey spots in her vision while letting her unimpressed pointed gesture fall towards what was clearly Mike’s discarded clothing. 

"What the fuck??!"

“Arghhh. Dammit. Please tell me we did not have…."

“Don’t... say it out loud! Sheesh, Lena!" 

“Oh, because that will make it less real.” S _hit!_  She grabbed Mike's shirt when she realised she wasn’t the only one missing pieces of clothing, not knowing where her dress was currently residing. She was doing up the last button of the thankfully long shirt, when Mike finally came fully around. 

“That. Wasn’t suppose to happen.” His firm words only stated the obvious. What a _genius._

“Don’t.” She just held her hand up to stop any more discussion on the matter.

"Right. Well… coffee….?” He shrugged. Too late now. 

“We are never speaking of this! Ever!"

“Speaking of what…? I have no idea what you are talking about.” 

"Coffee. I want fucking coffee." She stood up to go back to the house, a palm to the manic and insistent pain slamming against her skull. 

“So ah… Happy Birthday??” He snorted, an ungraceful laugh leaving his chest even though they were both madly cringing on the inside. _That_ was only ever going to happen once. And should not have even happened at all. Still, there was nothing he could do except fight off the massive hangover and shrug. Maybe he would just stay out here all day and sleep it off. He stretched, taking in the first light of day, when a pair of pants hit him in the side of the face. Rolling his eyes, he pulled them on and finally got up to make some coffee. 

“DARK FRENCH ROAST. AND YOU BETTER HAVE THOSE FUCKING PANTS BACK ON!”

 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry. (Im currently working 8am till about 2am... so ugh. Sorry that I can update as fast.) Anyway. Hope you enjoyed a little interlude of completely shitty writing just for fun, while me and my beta snigger and giggle because what the hell am I even doing. I'm embarrassed to even look. 
> 
> Lol.
> 
> XO


	25. Loneliness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A kiss with a fist is better than none.” - Florence & The Machine.

 

 

 

 

 

"Here, I got you this.” Mon-El handed Kara a brand new cell phone - finally caving after he couldn’t contact her the one day they had gone out. 

“Uhm. Thanks?”

“It’s a phone. Yeah?” She seemed confused, but she must know what a cellphone was, wouldn’t she? 

“Okay… Sure.” Kara gingerly took the device from Mon-El, but it seemed way too shiny and expensive to simply make calls on. Sure, she had seen everyone glued to these things all the time, laughing at them and taking weird pictures of themselves as a dog or panda. But, she hadn’t actually had one herself since she was young – and that one was just for calling her parents or sister in emergencies. It wasn’t fancy like this. 

“It’s only got my number in there. And it’s untraceable. But sometimes – I won’t always be able to answer when I’m at work, okay? It depends who I am with.”

“Thanks.” She mumbled, holding it in both hands but not really knowing what to do with it.

"I hope you don’t mind, but I also slipped an advanced GPS tracker inside the back cover - it's the small transparent sticker with a slight tinge of silver running through it. Not really noticeable, you probably won’t even be able to see it, so just be careful if you take the battery out.” (Not that she would ever need to. But it was expensive. He bought it with a whole set of them from Luthor-Corp, and even with his fucking discount, he knew Lena made a killing on those.) "I um... put that in there so that I don’t have to use the internal one. You won’t need to have the phone switched on or connected to the internet or cell towers for me to know where you are. I hope that’s okay.”

"It’s fine."

"Are you sure?” He was concerned by her rather glum reception of the phone.

"Yeah. I just. Wouldn’t really know what to do with this.” She held it up by the corner and Mon-El inwardly cringed a little bit, hoping she wouldn’t drop the thing. 

"You’ll figure it out quicker than you think – they are addictive little suckers. Hold up, you’ll need the wifi password." 

He took the phone from Kara to quickly type out _earlgrey_motherfuckers_ before smirking and handing it back to her. He didn’t want to have to explain that. 

 

* 

Okay, so taking to the new device WAS as easy as Mon-El had said it would be. Everything was laid out pretty intuitively, allowing her to change the background to an image she had found of a beautiful purple forest, (apparently a real place that existed) and flick through some music. She wished she could play half as well as some of the beautiful things coming out of the small speaker, and saved a few of the ones she liked most to a playlist before getting up to throw a scarf on. She looked outside, and it was beautiful — the snow was early this year. 

Drifting over to the window, she saw it was a bright white, only just starting to fall. Her breath fogged slightly against the window, and Kara tucked her chin into her scarf to prevent the condensation from building and blocking her view of what little she could see of Mon’s garden, which was slowly getting a dusting of the weather. Maybe she could take out her art things today and try her hand at a landscape. It was so...

_DUKE!_

Kara tossed her new phone down onto her bed before taking off down the hall, needing to go check on her friend.

“Kara? Where the hell are you going in such a rush!"

"I need to see if Duke’s okay!"

“What?" _Who the fuck was DUKE?!_

"Just. Never mind!" She glided through the living area in her socks, nearly slipping over like she did every so often, and opened the sliding door to go outside. 

_WHAT IN THE WORLD?! Why was she going out in a rush into the snow in her fucking socks. AND WHO THE HELL WAS DUKE?!_

Mon-El tossed his book aside, forgetting to mark the page he was on as it snapped shut. Dammit. 

Reaching the door as he followed, Mon-El wasn’t sure why he was expecting a man to randomly be standing in his garden. It wasn’t like Kara had already worked out how to get a tinder date on that cellphone of hers in under an hour and invited him over. 

… well. Hopefully.

She was leaning on the edge of the fountain, peering in.

He really hoped this girl wasn’t nuts. She hadn’t really shown any signs of being crazy until about 20 seconds ago, and Mon-El was rather invested in his book before she had hurtled past him to fly out the door. 

“Kara? What are you doing?! You shouldn’t be out there without a jacket on!” 

“He’s okay!” She called, seeing the small goldfish swimming about. It had only just started snowing, and the temperature wasn’t cold enough just yet to freeze the entire fountain over. But it would be. He would just have to come inside with her. 

Mon-El walked up behind Kara and took off his coat to throw it over her shoulders, trying to understand what she was looking at. "…You named the goldfish?"

"No. That’s what he said his name was." 

“Huh?"

"Uhm. It’s. Hard to explain." She bit her lip timidly. She knew Duke wasn’t real and wasn’t _actually_ talking to her. At least, a part of her did. It was just something she never grew out of. And it was stupid that she didn’t, but...  she had been so alone for so LONG. It made sense that she would struggle to deny a thinking pattern that gave her comfort. She never had anyone to talk to or help process her thoughts. To work out problems with. It became such a habit she forgot she was even doing it, and now Mon-El was going to think she was a total fucking weirdo. 

Mon-El wasn’t sure how Kara was going to explain how the thing had ‘told her’ very casually what its name was. Since. You know. It was just a goldfish. But what was he to do? It made sense that she would have coping mechanisms. And to be honest, this one was probably better than his - alcohol and women. Although, he had kinda ditched the women thing lately. 

“So, what is Duke like?” Mon-El asked. He didn’t see why he couldn’t entertain the idea, to at least let her know he was comfortable with it. Maybe he was just relieved her tinder date was un-threatening and couldn’t breathe out of water. (He might have smirked at that thought a little on accident, too.)

“Huh?” Kara looked up at Mon-El, a light dust of fine snow brushing her nose. It was growing pink and colder by the second, but it was fucking cute as hell. 

“What’s your goldfish friend like?” He asked, not being sarcastic or goading. Just simply curious. “And then... we better get out of this weather, okay? I don’t want you catching a chill.”

“Uhm. Duke is weird. He was a bit of a bitch to me the other day, actually. But he’s nice as well. I was just. I saw the snow and got worried that the fountain would freeze over. Does it do that?”

Mon-El never really thought about it. He had gotten that darn goldfish as the weirdest unexpected gift on the planet. And he didn’t know what the hell to do with it. So he just ended up looking after it. But the thing hadn’t had a winter yet. Probably good that Kara thought that far ahead, because the fountain would most likely freeze.

“I… to be honest, I didn’t think about it.”

“You were just gonna let him die?”

“I guess.” But he wouldn’t now. Obviously. “He will just have to come inside with us.”

 

*

 

She couldn’t believe he was letting her be a crazy… but he went out to the store to stock up on food for the week and get a _goldfish bowl._ She wasn’t meant to go back outside, but she went out anyway, putting on some boots this time and a jacket, the snow falling a little heavier now. Maybe there was a storm coming in - she wasn’t sure. Kara checked on Duke one last time to make sure he was okay, and sure enough, he was still swimming around. 

Kara took a quick few pictures of Mon-El’s garden just from where she was standing, not spending a huge amount of time out in his courtyard because of the weather. But she could draw today, while Mon-El was out. At least she finally had something she could do to fill her time. Her hand went up to her neck, wondering if there were still bruises laced around its cylindrical form, and she sighed. It was strange not having the physical contact she was used to. Even the bad kind. 

Wandering back inside, Kara slid the door firmly shut and went back to her room before collecting up her new things, deciding the best place to go would be upstairs. Although the sky was dull and grey - the sun hiding behind a veneer of inky cloud – the room was still nice. It was still one of the brightest rooms in the house, and a peaceful place for her to arrange herself at Mon-El’s large coffee table, spreading her pens out on the glass and tucking her legs under herself to sit at it crosslegged. Turning behind her, she dragged a throw rug down to drape over her knees, satisfied that she was cosy enough to stay here by herself a little while. 

 

*

 

"I got you a hot cocoa while I was out.” Mon-El put the paper cup down on the coffee table next to her, also sitting down on the floor. She was still scrawling beautiful little things on the paper, mindlessly reaching for the cup to take a sip without lifting her attention from her work. She must have finished, when she set the pen down and was moving her legs out from under her to get up.

"I should…"

“He’s already inside. Next to the Peace Lily, by the bottom of the staircase.”

“Oh. Uhm... Thanks.” Kara stopped her movements, deciding instead to reach for the hot drink and cradle it in her hands, savouring the warmth against her skin.

“No problem. What are you drawing?”

“Just… flowers. For now.” She had been sketching some of the things she had taken pictures of, looking down occasionally at her phone as a reference, and they had turned out surprisingly okay. Duke could wait a while longer since he was safe and sound downstairs, so she turned the page over and began to sketch some more. 

The black ink was fine and elegant and smooth, drifting gloriously over the paper while she tried to get used to the feeling of drawing again. She could feel him staring, and it made her a little nervous. But just before Kara opened her mouth to redirect her attention, Mon-El offered her some of his croissant. 

“Do you want some of this? It’s pretty nice.”

“I’m okay.” She continued to concentrate on what she was doing, hearing him shrug out of his _other_ coat, continuing to let her wear his over her shoulders like a cape. He hadn’t taken it off her when he went out to the store, and must have just grabbed another one so that she could keep wearing it. Mon-El drifted over to the piano and lifted the lid, starting to play somewhere behind her. 

Kara had her back to him when he gave a last glance in her direction, before disappearing behind the glassy black of the piano. He didn’t know why he liked the idea of Kara wearing his clothes. She still wore his shirt to bed whenever she could, and he had to admit looked rather dashing in his coat. 

Maybe it was because it signaled to him that Kara did sort of feel at home here. That he wasn’t a threat to her like she may think. He wasn’t sure how long this arrangement would last, but now that he knew a little more about what she had been through, and that she didn’t really have anywhere to go… he could feel himself beginning to gain her trust and wanting it to last. She still hadn’t really even blamed him for his screw up last week, the one… 

No. He shouldn’t think about that. It was a calm day, the last day of his weekend, and he couldn’t be letting thoughts of murder and rage distract him from this pleasant kind of solace. 

He let his thoughts drift away on the keys, forgetting that this wasn’t really meant to be his life. 

 

*

 

Kara had taken a nap after lunch, her body still not really having the stamina to last a full day, even if she didn’t spend that much time on her feet. The weather had blocked them in, but, in truth, she didn’t really want to go anywhere today. It was nice to stay wrapped up and just enjoy pulling out a spongy marshmallow from her second hot chocolate of the day, playing with it between her fingers before plopping it in her mouth. 

The days were getting shorter and it was nearly dusk already, so she must have slept a bit longer than she thought. Her skin was crawling. And she just needed to FEEL something. She was starving for attention. And at this point she didn’t even care if it was negative or abusive attention. She just needed him. Needed SOMETHING to fill the gaping hole of emptiness. The painful void that was cold and hollow. 

Kara didn’t really even care if he hit her - he wouldn’t, and she didn’t know why she suddenly knew he wouldn’t. But a part of her needed something from him she couldn’t describe, and it was getting unbearable. He had just been relaxing all day like her, which was fine, it should have been fine, and he was there, around, but it wasn’t… _enough._

Mon-El was starting to make dinner, and had just begun to rinse a tomato when he turned to find Kara in the kitchen. 

She started to walk over to him, and he stopped to put the fruit down for a moment. 

“Fuck me.”

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Mon-El’s eyes widened, completely caught off guard.

“I want you to fuck me.” 

She said it so simply and matter of fact, Mon-El took a half-step backwards. “Holy _HELL_ KARA. Where is this coming from?!”

She stalked over to him, placing her hands deliberately on his chest, feeling the warmth emanate from his shirt. “Don’t you want to?” She looked up from under her eyelashes, meeting his stormy grey orbs with her questioning gaze.

He removed her hands from his shirt, shoving them back to her sides. “Of course I want to. But that’s not the point! What’s gotten into you?!”

Kara lowered her voice to a whisper, wondering why he was overreacting. It wasn’t a big deal. “I need you, Mon-El. _Please._ ” She bit down on her lip, trying to move her hands back to his shirt to tug on it. 

“Dammit, Kara, stop that!” 

“But you _want_ to.”

“I... NO. I need to go. I just remembered I need to go do something.” He rushed to pull on his jacket, slipping past her, just out of reach and avoiding her touch.

“No, wait! I’m sorry. Please don’t go!” 

“I can’t... be here. When you are doing…  _that_.” Mon-El’s gestures where vague and flustered as he dismissed her and shuffled around for his keys. 

“I’ll stop, I promise. Please. Just. _Please, don’t leave me._ ”

His hand was already on the door handle when he stilled. She wasn’t provoking him. She was just… _lonely._

But he couldn’t be around her when she was doing this. He already knew what happened the last time and how much his chest had become a sickening tide coming in when he hadn’t controlled himself. 

When he turned to her, she was nearly in tears. Water glistening in her eyes, and she was desperate to not be left alone. 

“…Kara.”

She started to sob, her hands rushing to her checks to wipe the tears quickly away as if she could stop him from noticing. He felt guilty. But he wasn’t sure if she was meaning him to feel this way just so he wouldn’t leave, or if she just… ugh. He couldn’t. DO THIS. 

"Don't go.” A defeated whisper left her lips, so quiet he almost didn’t hear it.

"I just need an hour or so, ok? I promise I'll be back." 

...

“I’m trying to protect you. I know you don’t understand. But I have to go.”

...

 

“Mon-El.” Her words floated to the already closed door. 

He left. 

He... fucking... left. 

_Again._

 

*

 

“So about that coffee."

“Mike, I don’t really have time right now to…”

Mon-El swerved dangerously around a few cars, putting his foot further against the floor to avoid the idiots that didn’t know how to fucking drive. “Lena. I don’t give a shit about the Saturn, okay. It’s not about that.” He spoke roughly at his phone attached to the dash, feeling a strange mix of unidentifiable emotions rattling him.

“So, you are going to fill me in?” Lena was curious. And she did need to hear the goss.

“Maybe not all at once. But. We haven’t caught up in a while. And... now would be a great time if you had a spare hour.” Mon-El breathed out a sigh. Not sure if it was frustration or relief or both.

“Sure. Millers. I’m at the office just text me when you get there and I’ll come down.”

“Of course you are at the office.”

“Shut up, Mike. You’d be working too, if you didn’t suddenly have a girlfriend.”

“You know I don’t work Sundays. And she’s not my girlfriend, Lena, so save your bullshit for when I can at least hit you over the table, would you?”

“Do you have my vodka?”

“Fuck. I’ll stop on the way.”

“Good good. See you soon."

 

**

 

* * *


	26. Looking for Hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really nervous to post this. Sorry ive been working till 2am, 3am, 4am, 2am... etc. Took a while to get this out. Thanks to @maybetomorrow for managing to read a million pages of dialogue. my brain melted.
> 
> Peace.

 

 

 

_He left._

_He left._

_He left._

The thought pounded in endless circles, looping and thrashing about in Kara’s mind and crashing waves in her ears. 

_He’s always going to leave you. Why do you think any different. Everyone ALWAYS leaves you. Remember?_

Kara felt like an idiot and went to go see Duke. At least he wouldn’t leave her. But only because he couldn’t. 

“Hi Duke. How are you?”

She sat on the first step of the staircase, staring at the shut door while fiddling with that darn ring around her second finger. It was probably 24 carat gold. But what did it matter? Mon-El didn’t consider anything valuable. He had everything – everything he could ever want or need. Why would he want _her._

“Hi Kara. It’s a little small in here, but I’ll be okay. It's nice to not be left out in the cold.”

_Left out in the cold. What a fucking joke._

“How are _you,_ Kara?” 

“Fine.” She muttered. "Is it okay – being moved from your little fountain prison? Isn’t the way the light dances on the ceiling wonderful?” She tried to concentrate on the falling specs of light, willing them to capture her attention long enough to distract her from the ebb and flow of morose feelings rolling inside her chest.

“I’ll admit it was a little scary moving from what I’ve known. But. I think I could get used to it. The place is nice, I guess.”

“That’s good.” Kara hoped her lack of enthusiasm didn’t show too much. She wanted Duke to feel at home here, even if it was hard to adjust. 

“Did you manage to find Hope?”

Kara buried her head in her hands, letting her head fall against her knees. 

“Kara?”

“No. I don’t know where Hope is, okay?” The defeated words came out muffled against her knees, but she didn’t care. 

“So... you’re not even going to look for her?”

UGH he was persistent. “I tried!! The other day, I tried, Duke. Maybe she just can’t handle the weather. She’s… delicate. Hope is delicate.”

“Maybe she’s stronger than you think?” The little thing seemed like it really wanted Kara to go find the small white butterfly that she had met in the garden. Maybe he just needed another friend too?

“So... So I should. Look for her. One last time… right?”

“I think that would be a good idea….”

Kara made up her mind, rising from her pity party on the stairs and tying her hair up into a smooth ponytail. 

“Okay. You’re right. Thanks, Duke.”

_*_

 

Lena took her vodka from Mike and pressed her lips together in a cheeky grin. “Oh, what a lovely and unexpected gift! You shouldn’t have!” 

“Shut up, you goof.” Mon-El distastefully scrunched his brows together at Lena before pulling out her chair for her, sliding it gracefully as she moved to sit (although the temptation to pull it out from underneath her, like he often did as a child, was quite strong in that particular moment.) 

He then moved to sit himself, placing his phone face down on the polished surface to give his full attention to the woman in front of him. “I know we are at a coffee shop, but you better be opening that,” he nodded at the bottle before relaxing into his seat. 

"Hah. You’re not the only one that needs it — good call.”

“So what do you want? I’m buying, obviously.”

“You realize the gesture loses its touch when we both have more money than everyone in this city put together, right?”

“Fine. Buy your own damn coffee.” Mon-El gave her the squinty eyes before he flicked his fingers for the girl politely waiting for them. The small waitress trotted over to the seated pair, expectantly looking at Mike to order while Lena rummaged around in her bag for her phone when it started to vibrate. “Black. Two sugars.”

Why did people always call or email when she had JUST sat down to have an actual conversation?! The insistent thing continued to buzz until she flicked it on silent and dropped it bag in her bag, not even reading it. “Flat white, please.” Whatever it was, it could wait. 

“Thanks.” Mon-El nodded, and the girl skated off without a word.

Lena took her red coat off and draped it neatly on the table off to the side.  “…So.”

“How are things in Luthor-Ville?”

“Don’t call it that.” Lena muttered her displeasure, and could see that Mike was trying to contain a grin at getting to use that stupid name again. 

“Ahem. Excuse me,  _Luther-Corp_. How’s things at work?” He drew out the word and she just rolled her eyes. 

She sighed, but might as well get straight to it. She glanced around to make sure no one was really paying any attention to the two of them, and other than a sweet couple exchanging heart eyes, and a pair that looked like they were enjoying some Father-Daughter bonding over hot chocolates at another table, it was pretty quiet. They would be closing soon anyway. Lena leaned back in her seat and relaxed.

"I shouldn’t be breathing a word of this. But, I guess we both know I will anyway, so.. I might as well just hop straight to it?” She shrugged. "Things are… strange, actually, with the business. Something's amiss. And, I’m trying to work it out, but to be honest I don’t know where to start, or what to think.”

“How so?” He noted that despite there being no one around, she was still a little uncomfortable talking about work. At least… the parts they were going to be referring to.

“Can I ask you something?” She seemed suddenly serious. Almost… vulnerable.

“Depends what it is. But sure.”

“Has... Has Rhea’s team been... growing? I’ve been keeping tabs, and it doesn’t look like it. And I mean, we both know I’m not one to miss anything, but...”

“Things are pretty much the same for us, to be honest. I’d know if we’d taken on new employees – a large amount, at least. If anything.. we’ve lost a couple.”

“How many?”

“Hah, only two. The one I shot and the one I stabbed in the throat.”

“…That’s. Not that many.”

“It is to us. And you conveniently skipped over me killing two of my men like it was no biggie. Lena, what’s wrong?”

“Fuck. I’m...You know, we shouldn’t really be talking about work. I know we always do, but only because we’re aligned or whatever. Which we _both_ know is fragile. This thing we’ve got going only stays intact because we are caught in a kind of…”

“…stalemate.” He finished her sentence for her, completely understanding where she was coming from.

“Yes, exactly.”

“But if something were to change that drastically tilted power in favour of either the Gand’s or the Luthor’s…” he could already se where this was going.

“...There would be no alliance.” Lena was blunt. But they both knew it to be the truth. Mon-El looked up as their coffee arrived, thanking the woman and leaving her a tip before continuing with listening to Lena speak. “And we can’t be at each other’s throats. Things would get very complicated very quickly between us if things were to change. Especially now that I know your one weakness.”

“Excuse me?”

“The girl.”

“What?”

“I’m not BLIND, Mike. Please tell me you aren’t that stupid.”

“It’s not a big deal, Lena.”

“Oh please, she’s you’re Achilles heel. And she will get you both killed.”

“She’s just. Recovering. Kara won’t be with me forever. It’s just until she finds her feet.”

“And since when was the ruthless Michael Gand into charity, huh?”

Well I befriended you, for starters…”

“Be serious!”

“You’re one to talk!” They were getting off track, but Mon-El didn’t particularly like the way Lena was making huge assumptions about his.. arrangement thingy… with Kara. Lena had no IDEA what was going on, she hadn’t even met Kara till barely days ago. 

She could see Mike tensing, and it annoyed her that boys could be such idiots. Still, she sucked it up because they had a lot to get through, and starting to throw around insults and quips to beat around the bush wasn’t going to get them anywhere. 

“You found something with her, didn’t you? A connection...” Lena took a polite sip of her drink, waiting for an answer while seriously considering taking the top off the vodka she had put away in her handbag at the start of the conversation. 

“Maybe. I dunno…” he just shrugged. “Anyway, what’s Rhea’s men got to do with your Luthor-Corp issue?” He changed the subject back before they went on the whole Kara tangent, because that would probably take a while.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice what you did there.” He had changed the subject on her, but granted, they were having two threads of conversation at once – better to stay on track.

“Just answer the question, Lena.”

“Ugh. Well…” She took another sip starting to feel a bit of buzz return to her fingertips with the caffeine. "I just don’t trust Rhea,” she stated simply.

“And I don’t trust Lillian. So? We’ve been at this for years, we know that our alliance is only holding because it is mutually beneficial. We don’t try kill you, you don’t try kill us. It’s not worth the risk. Rhea may be power hungry, but she’s not stupid enough to pick any fight she has even the slightest chance of losing."

“This is why we shouldn’t really talk. If things shift–”

“–we are going to talk anyway, right up until the point it all falls apart - _IF_ that ever even happens, so spit it out, Lena. What is it?”

“Are you willing to risk that this might start an upset? If I tell you...”

“I’m game if you are. Let’s face it, if it came down to it, I’d kick your arse.”

“OH, AS IF!”

“Oh, I totally would. You’d be dead before you even had your lipstick on.”

“No, because I’d have your pretty little blonde friend and you’d do anything I wanted.” 

“Not true. However, can you stop stalling? You must be pretty worried if you are stalling. This confident and ruthless bitch all rattled? That’s new.”

“Says you! You literally walked in here like you were going to beat up the next person that even _looked_ at you wrong! Don’t tell _ME_ about being rattled.”

“STALLING. GET TO THE POINT.” They were arguing like bloody children again, trying to one up each other. But he just wanted to know what the hell was going on!

“Shit. Sorry. Right. Okay so..."

“Well?” Mon-El chucked back a decent swig of coffee, waiting for Lena to hurry up and just tell him already. 

“Our guys. They are just... disappearing.”

“What? To where?”

“Gods.. I dunno… to work at Macca’s for 10 bucks an hour?”

“Right, sorry, that was a stupid question. But they aren’t coming to us, if that’s what you’re implying?”

“Rhea’s not buying them out from underneath us? Are you sure?”

“Not unless she’s made a hell of a lot of money I don’t know about. As far as I’m concerned, there’s only so much you can make before it’s not really worth risking your life to jump ships. What do you think we are fucking paying them? Rhea couldn’t outbid you if she tried!”

“True. Very true. It’s just. GRIFE. Where the hell could they possibly be going?”

“I don’t know, but we sure as hell ain’t buying them. Rhea was hella pissed you stole the Saturn out from underneath me, don’t forget. That’s an easy 60 mill for you, just like that” He snapped his fingers lightly, but was clearly displeased.

“Are you joking?!”

“No…? Why would I…”

“There is no way in _HECK_ that thing is worth that.”

“Well, it is to someone.”

“Bloody hell. What kind of guy spends that kind of money on a shitty painting." 

“The love of his life painted it. And now she’s dead. Rhea has no problem using that against him.”

“Oh. Shit. Well that makes a bit more sense. Still.” 60 million dollars was a lot of fricken cash. "Also - your mother is a bitch.”

“Ignoring that comment. So. Split the profits then? Fifty-fifty? 30 mill each - that’s a hell of a score.”

“NO WAY! Now that I know it’s worth that, I’m keeping it.”

“LENA!”

“Alliance, shmaliance. Remember?”

“Fuck you. I’ll tell Rhea you are losing men?”

“BITCH!”

“I’m sorry. You know I wouldn’t.” He grinned, returning to his coffee.

“Really?”

“Hmmm. No, you are right. I better keep that to hold over you.”

Lena rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. Mike continued.

“So. Why would they up and leave? It's not like you don’t pay them enough."

"Exactly. And it's not like someone has MORE to give them? Plus... we treat our people way better than the Gand's." 

"You underestimate the fear Rhea has put in some of our workers. Seriously, they couldn’t switch jobs if they tried. They are hardwired to stay loyal to us. Except an idiotic few..."

“The guy you shot?”

“Smart cookie.”

“You know me – smart and sweet and irresistible.”

It was Mike's turn to roll his eyes.

 

 

* 

 

Kara took Duke’s advice and stomped outside into the snow. It was finally nearing dusk… so she didn’t have much light left. But she wanted to find Hope.

Passing the fountain, she saw small crystalline structures beginning to form around the edges, and was glad to have thought about releasing Duke from his little prison world. He had her now, and although his fish bowl was smaller than the fountain, at least he was safe. He had told her something about being scared to leave what he had known, but she knew he would soon take a liking to the way the sun moved around the house and made the floors glitter. He had the best view of Mon-El’s twirled chandelier, hanging over the stairs and bouncing refracted shards and sparkles around from the skylight.

The crunch under Kara’s boots was harsh as she sunk down more than she expected. Tipping her gloved palm up, the snow was actually falling rather heavily. There was no way she was going to find Hope out here. She didn’t even know why she was trying. 

Maybe she just didn’t want to disappoint Duke? Or she was just seriously trying to distract herself from how she had upset Mon-El... _UGH NO, DON’T THINK ABOUT THAT. STOP IT._

If she let herself start thinking about it now, she would obsess, and that would make the pain even worse. She needed a thorough distraction, and giving herself an impossible mission would surely do the trick, at least for a while. He would be back soon and she could profusely apologize and make everything better and he would… _DAMMIT. STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM._

Kara lifted her hands to slam against the side of her head a few times, shaking the stupid thoughts from her brain.

Gliding a hand along the hedge, she concentrated on the feeling of it brushing against her fingertips as she just slowly floated through the gardens. She passed through a section of evergreens and padded through the snow towards the cliffs, into an area that held just mere skeletons of shrubs and trees, a graveyard of sorts. 

It should have been ugly - all of the twisted and stripped trees, not having any colour or life clothing their forms. But she found it beautiful – in that eerie sort of way – like this place should only exist in a dreamworld or painting.

Letting out a long sigh, her breath formed a thin mist. “Hope? I’d really like to see you again….” She knew it was useless, but the aura of the garden somehow pulled her in, and she didn’t notice that she was already starting to lose track of time, wandering and admiring, becoming disconnected with reality.

Hope wouldn't be able to fly in snow falling like this. Even if she found shelter. There was just no way. But… Kara’s heart would break if she didn’t find her.

"Please, darling. I just want to know you’re okay." 

She remembered the conversation she had with the delicate creature, pulling off petals. She had seen Hope in the rose garden! 

Pulling up the fluffed hood, Kara tucked her hands inside her pockets and started to make her way over to the place she had first met the darling butterfly.

 

*

 

Lena had  come up empty, but Mike seemed to be telling the truth. She would just have to look into other options or possibilities about where her men were disappearing off to. 

“Now, tell me about your girl.”

“Kara. Her name is Kara.”

“Alright, well, tell me about her.”

“She’s…. a bit of a mess to be honest. Damaged. She’s had it pretty rough.”

“I could tell. How’d she get all the…” She was cautious about saying it out loud, not sure how Mike would take it if she talked to flippantly about the scars and damage she had noticed around Kara’s body. She just alluded to the physical appearances instead, knowing he would understand what she meant. 

“The guy I shot. He was one of ours. I can’t tell you what happened about that, sorry, Rhea would have my head. But I found her. She was… not with him by choice." 

“So he fucked up something big enough for it to fall to you, Rhea was pissed, and you were sent to put him 6 feet under. And that’s when you happened across her.”

He sighed. “Well. Not much gets past you. Not sure why I bother trying to keep the details on the DL.”

“Well I’m still not sure which one of your men you’re talking about. So it’s not all bad.” She winked. “But still. You just decided it would be a good idea to take her home with you?”

“No.”

“But you did it anyway. Congratulations. Mike biting off more than he can chew, once again.”

“Apparently.”

“How long?”

"Nearing 2 months."

JEEPERS. MONTHS?! “Mike….” She growled, letting him know that she didn’t appreciate being both left out of the loop, and the fact that he had been risking his life for a lot longer than she was expecting to hear. And for some girl he didn’t even know?

“I know. It was stupid.”

“Your words, not mine.” She finally pulled the vodka out, not caring if anyone kicked them out of the cafe at this point. Surely it was closing any minute and they would be kicked out anyway. "That doesn’t explain how you got shot on Friday. Or the bruise on her eye…the new one.”

“Sometimes I hate that you are observant.”

“Well, you certainly didn’t hurt her. So what shit went down at Daxam? And why the hell did you think it would be a good idea to take her with you there! Good one.”

“How did you…”

“Your conversation with Rhea on the doorstep? Come on, I was listening in the hallway while your scared bunny rabbit scuttled off to her room before I could even teach her how to properly introduce herself to someone.”

“ _Watch it…_ ” His voice became a low growl, threatening and cold.

“Achilles heel, Mike. That’s all I have to say about that reaction. Now…”

"I just. All I did was make a quick stop into work on the way home. I told her to stay in the car.” She should have stayed in the car. Why couldn’t she have just stayed in the car?!

“Literally the riskiest move you could have made, taking her there! You’re such an idiot!”

“We’ve established that! Now can we get out of this place? Let’s take a walk. I need some air.” He pushed himself up and they left the coffee shop to drift out onto the street, walking towards the museum. It was snowing lightly but he didn’t really mind, liking the way it turned the landscape into an intriguing dreamlike setting. There was a large elegant pond out by the front stairs of the museum, and they could sit on the sheltered steps while taking in the view of the city. It looked lovely at nightfall. 

“Don’t think you are getting out of telling me how you got shot.” 

Mon-El knew he was going to need a swig or two to get this out, so he motioned for the bottle. “Pass me that...”

She obliged, but not until after she got the first swig. Handing it to him, her eyes pierced him. She wasn’t leaving until she knew what the heck happened.  _“Now. Tell me.”_

“Don’t make me say it, Lena.” He continued to keep a steady pace, and she kept time with him, though she stuck her hands in her coat because of the cold.

“I’ve already got my IT guy hacking the security at Daxam. So if you don’t tell me, I’ll just find out anyway.”

“No you won’t. Our private rooms don’t have cameras. That would defeat the purpose of privacy.”

“That make sense. Still, wouldn’t put it past your mother.”

“…Lena.” He growled. Growing more displeased with the conversation the further along it got. She had no respect for his mother OR Kara, and it was starting to really piss him off. But he knew she would get it out of him. He might as well cave sooner rather than later.

“So what happened? How did she manage to shoot you? And what the hell were you even thinking!?”

“I… ugh. Do you… do you remember the guy that had this super weird thing for you? The one..”

“…That tried to get me to have a threesome? UGH Of course! Big guy with the hideous serpent thingy—” Lena started drawing circular motions near her neck to mean his ugly tattoo. 

“Yes, that’s the one.”

“Okay. What about him.”

“I stabbed him in the throat.”

“So you stabbed a guy, and Kara shot you. That makes no sense."

“Dammit are you going to listen or just make me angry.”

“Just tell me, why is it so hard for you?" 

“He.... RAO. Okay. He… “

“Spit it out, Mike!”

“HE RAPED HER. He fucking raped her. And I told her I would protect her and I FAILED. I pulled him off of her and stuck my knife in his neck, but I was too late. I failed. _AGAIN._ I failed again.” 

“Mike…” Lena stopped dead in her tracks, her voice becoming cautious and hushed, giving him a warning. He was already going too far.

“That day I failed you – it was the worst day of my life, Lena.” He sighed, putting his hand to his face and rubbing his temples. “And it happened again.” Exhaling the last of his rage, he finally admitted to her what he didn’t want to even think about.

“I wasn’t raped, Mike.”

“You _were_. You don’t think you were. You STILL DON’T!!”

“I was 16. I should have known better.”

“But you didn’t! He was older than you. And charming. And deceptive and he swept you off your feet. Don’t tell me it didn’t effect you because it DID. Don’t tell me that you don’t take advantage of every male you can – putting them under your spell – so that you can get back at _HIM._

“MICHAEL!!” She honestly nearly slapped him across the face. 

“I’m sorry, Lena. But… just. I’m sorry.“

There was long silence and Lena gripped the bottle gingerly from Mike, pressing it to her lips and tilting her head slowly back. There was nothing to say.

She looked at him. And he looked at her. And they said nothing. 

After a long pause, Mon-El continued to speak gently.

“So that’s what happened. And then some other shit happened that I don’t want to talk about. I was just trying to help her. And it backfired. Literally."

Lena tried to crack smile at the joke, but suddenly everything was far too serious, even for their dark humour. She was worried about Mike. He was still the same. She knew it then... he was still just the 13-year-old that didn’t want to live a life of cruelty. His heart was soft, even if his outer exterior was steel. Mike was the same person who took a beating for her and who just wanted to bring her chocolate almonds while they watched movies. It all made sense. She had been denying it. But it just… _did_. 

“Mike?”

“What."

“I’m sorry.”

“Not to be an arse, but for what, specifically?”

“You…you were too sensitive to handle what I told you that day. I’m sorry. I never should have put that on you.”

Mike suddenly felt exhausted, and just wanted to return home to drink the rest of his night away and fall into a deep slumber. They were only halfway to the museum when they had stopped in the middle of the walkway, but suddenly he didn’t feel like admiring anything. 

“I’m. I’m gonna go.” 

He passed the bottle back to Lena. And after she took it, he lightly let his thumb glide over the crescent moon on Lena’s wrist, before shoving both hands deep in his pockets.

“Forgive me?”

“And you, me.”

 

\----


	27. Snow White.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dissociation – noun. The action of disconnecting or separating or the state of being disconnected. An experience involving detachment from reality.
> 
> White - adjective. A colour often representing purity, light, goodness, innocence, and peace. It is also cold, isolating and empty, and in some cultures, associated with death. 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Mon-El was feeling exhausted on his drive home, turning the radio up to try blast away the thoughts with throwback tracks - ones that had enough bass to piss off every house he sped past.

He just felt... weak.

And alone.

And wanted to sleep.

His conversation with Lena didn’t exactly go well. He didn’t even get around to the bit he kind of wanted advice on - the reason he had called her in the first place. He didn’t know how the hell to deal with Kara coming onto him something fierce, and a part of him wanted to escape that, while another part just wanted to talk about it with someone. But Mon-El didn’t even get to that before he took off. (Apparently he had a habit of running away from his problems.) He fucked up the moment he spiralled down memory lane. 

He should never have brought up.. _that_. Not only did Lena definitely hate him for even mentioning that time in her life, but it also did something in Mon-El that he just couldn’t begin to explain. It wasn’t the ferocity and rage that so often overcame him when someone he cared about was taken advantage of - this was a kind of helplessness and paralyzing ache that drained his strength and left him feeling… _spent._  

He didn’t understand. Lena was just so invulnerable, and he didn’t understand how a person could just be so unaffected by someone USING them. 

She was duped. And then used. And then thrown away. 

And Mon-El NEVER forgot the moment she pulled his window up, dropped herself onto his bed in the middle of the night... and actually _cried._

It took Lena all of 24 hours to bounce back – No lasting trauma, no upset, no nothing. She just shrugged and brushed it off, not even caring that her first time had been taken away from her by someone that didn’t give a SHIT about her. She insisted on never using the ‘r’ word, purely because she reserved that particular word for the horrific, violating kind of experience that left someone broken and full of disgust and lament. Lena had no such emotions. It happened. And she didn’t care. 

She was upset that someone she had fallen for just up-and-left the moment she denied him sex. (Well. He took it from her first, and _then_ he left.) But after months and months of gushing about this handsome young lad that was so taken with her? Just leaving her like that? _That’s_ why she cried. Not because he had used her body for his pleasure with no consent. Not because he had no respect for her wishes and had his way with her. Lena didn’t even seem to care about that. 

She cared because he _left her._  

Lena cared because she didn’t trust people – she was usually so good at reading them – and yet she fell for someone's charm. 

Mon-El should have killed him. Honestly, if he wasn’t just a hesitant 13-year-old boy, he would have fucking killed him for putting his hands on Lena. But more than that, he should never have left her in such a vulnerable position. He had barely even tried to warn her. Mon-El alluded to – in his own sort of way – the darkness Lena refused to see. Tried to tell her that something was off about him, that he was a creep with way too much charm, and far too good to be true. He tried to explain to Lena that he looked at her possessively, and not lovingly. That he was manipulating her into feeling good, but had no real genuine feelings for her.

But she was stubborn and he was too caught up in his training – - trying to impress Lar. He didn’t spend enough time looking out for Lena, never took her phone calls, and left her to fend for herself. After all, she was strong and intelligent - and didn’t need him to protect her. 

Except. 

He was so selfish. So self-absorbed. Mon-El didn’t really understand what he had been seeing until it was too late, and he should have cared enough to at least…. UGHR! Mon-El slammed the side of his door with a fist, barely holding the steering wheel with his other hand and groaning under the weight of his regret.  

His best friend in the entire world was used for her body and then thrown away.

He should have protected her. And he failed. 

 

 

*

 

" _…leave me, leave me not, leave me, leave me not…"_ Kara repeated the same pattern to herself that first brought Hope to her, but soon became tired and sat down in the snow. She didn’t even care that it would make her clothing wet, she was bundled up, and far too distracted to notice the weather that was slowly turning increasingly bitter. 

_“...leave me, leave me not, leave me… leave me… leave me…”_ There was no point in even oscillating to the possibility of him _not_ leaving her. He already did. It was always going to happen. Her parents left her. Her sister left her. The girl at Daxam who had taken Kara under her wing. Even her cruel master was no longer with her. She was alone in the world. 

Always would be.

_“...leave me…"_   Hmfph. Kara sighed as she became more exhausted by the second. Rubbing a petal together between the soft black of her gloves, she couldn’t feel the soft texture - but she wanted to. Quickly pulling off one of her gloves, Kara began to scrunch the soft petals under her touch, not noticing the bite of the raw, early winter. Instead, she concentrated on the delicate silk, as it crumbled between her thumb and forth. 

Hope wasn’t around, and Kara dusted the crushed fragments of petals into the snow, watching them fall like rain.

She lay back, looking at the sky, which was now a mixture of deep crystal blue, violet, and grey. Washes of black leaked into the palate in such a seamless way, she couldn’t tell where some colours started and others ended, and it was all obscured by the enormous patches of dull cloud.

Tiny flakes settled onto her eyelashes, and Kara became fascinated by the way she could see them flutter when she blinked. She was tired.

And then the trees started talking.

Their twisted, hideous forms loomed over her, all their voices mixing together on the wind, becoming a confusing torrent. Some were coaxing her further into sleep. Others, she couldn’t really make out.. what were they saying? She didn’t know. And she didn’t really even care.

“Peace, child. It will all be over soon.”  
“Can you feel the Earth beneath you? How it calls for you?”  
“Ugh. You’re pathetic."  
“...Isn’t it peaceful?”  
“…Lovely...”  
“You’re disgusting.”  
“Why would anyone love you?!”  
“Darling, sweetheart, just sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up...”  
“Ew! Look at her!”  
“...Rest… rest… you’re weary… just..."  
“You’re so beautiful, Kara.”  
“Come be one with us, let it all go...”  
“There's nothing to worry about, I promise you’ll be okay...”  
“No one gives a shit about you.”  
“Kara?"  
“Why do you even _try_ to survive? You aren’t worth anything to anyone.”  
“You’re okay, love, everything will be okay….”  
“KARA?!”  
“The dreams will be sweet. Rest, child.”  
“Can you feel the connection? You were meant to become the one with the Earth.”  
“Leave your pain behind. It will be sweet, and serene...”  
“No one even cares about you! You know that, right?”  
“Kara, where are you?!"  
“No one cares about you. You’re alone.”  
“...Isn’t it peaceful?”

There were too many voices, and Kara just wanted to wither up and make them still. 

"Please. Just. Leave me alone...” she whispered, her breath white.

_I just want to be left alone._

“That’s all you’ll ever be, Kara. _Left._ Abandoned and alone.”

Kara didn’t notice the voices speaking to her, not anymore. She was already sinking back, feeling the safety of the pillowed ground. She felt numb. Whether by the icy temperatures or the paralyzing weight of emotion, she didn’t care. She just wanted to rest.

She just felt.

Weak. 

And alone.

And wanted to sleep...

 

*

When Mon-El returned home, the first place he went was to apologize to Kara for leaving so abruptly. 

Only, she wasn’t in her room, or upstairs, or even in his shower. Her cellphone was next to the goldfish bowl, politely placed face up, and when he opened it, there was nothing but a backdrop of purple trees and a few songs she had downloaded. No apps. No messages. No call history.

“So Duke, how does this thing work? I ask you where Kara’s run off to, and you talk back to me like it’s totally normal?”

…

The goldfish just picked up a pebble in its mouth, swam around, and then spat it out. 

“Right. Of course not.”

Mon-El peeked into his study, though he knew Kara wouldn’t dare enter, and found himself wandering to look through the glass outside into the snow. Surely, she wouldn’t... 

Only… she probably  _would._

The bleak weather puffed through the door the moment Mon-El opened it – a gust rushing in and gracing the edges of his carpet with petal-like bits of snow. He found the last brush of footprints outside the door, but the moment he stepped out from under the awning into the thick of it, they disappeared into nothing. 

She could be ANYWHERE in his bloody garden. He had left.. what – two hours ago? It was nearly dark, the last pieces of light seeping into dark indigo against the bits of sky peaking through massive and brooding storm cloud. And she could be anywhere.

He was getting really sick of this. Feeling so helpless, and weak.  

“Kara?”

He trudged through the thick cold, praying for nightfall to hold off just slightly longer. But it was slipping through his fingertips as the seconds passed. 

“Kara?!” Fuck. He shouldn’t have bloody left her. 

He checked the far edges of the garden first - where he first taught her to shoot, thinking she might be in a place she was familiar with. But upon realizing she was not within sight, had to start being strategic about the way he paced the maze-like layout. 

He walked fairly quickly through the side closest to the cliffs before tracking his way more towards the center. This feeling was so familiar to him now - the one where he was going to be sick. Couldn’t he just have ONE WEEK of peace? He already fucking lost her once! And what use was a darned GPS device if she left her phone next to the staircase?!

“Kara, where are you?!” His hands were freezing in his pockets, the chunks of intense white battering the last of the living things in his gardens. He was about to pull his phone out to use the flashlight, when he stopped dead still, seeing a lifeless form in the snow amongst the roses - partially buried under a layer of white. Crossing the short distance to her, he could see she was trembling, snowfall in her hair and sticking to the ends of her lashes.

" _Please. Just. Leave me alone...”_ he saw her barely whispering, her breath white. But her eyes were disconnected, like she was dreaming or falling asleep. Her lips were blue, and he nearly choked hearing a sharp, staggered breath, as Kara’s body struggled to stay alive.

“I’m not going to leave you, Kara.” 

She didn’t respond. She probably couldn’t. She was too cold. Too weak.

“I’m not going to do that again. I’m sorry.” 

Mon-El bent down and swiped at a collection of snow that was weighing her down, pushing it off her to the side, before he drew her up into his arms. Sliding his arm under her knees securely, he hauled her up to his chest. She was shivering, and Mon-El could see that for some reason she had removed one of her gloves, clinging to her scarf lightly as she closed her eyes. 

“Just stay awake, okay? We’ve got to get you warm.” 

Her face was nearly as white as the powdered sleet dusting her coat and the pristine fur trim around the hood.

It was dark by the time he crossed through the courtyard and walked up to his house, manoeuvring the door open with his elbow to take her inside. Kara wasn’t even fighting to stay awake. She was just drifting in and out, her cheeks with slight crystals clinging to them like fine diamonds.

“You’re gonna be alright. Can you open your eyes for me, sweetheart?”

He carried Kara to her room and immediately started to remove her wet and freezing clothing, some of it so stiff because of the cold that he pulled his knife out, and began to just cut it from her. 

Mon-El didn’t really have the time or thought to be polite, discarding her shredded skirt (he would buy her a new one), and pulling her boots off before removing her stockings, stripping her down until he was able to quickly wrap her up, as warm as possible in a soft blanket. Her body began to shake violently, but he knew that was a good thing… since she wasn’t cold enough for her body to have shut down completely.

It would be unpleasant for her, but she was going to be alright. He had gotten to her in time. He made sure to be careful as he withdrew his arms from under her, letting her weight sink fully onto the bed. 

Gently touching Kara's face, it was stone cold against his palm, but Mon-El continued to swipe the icy crystals away with his thumb. When her eyes fluttered, but didn’t open, he couldn’t help the sudden roar of guilt, surging up his chest and into his throat, spilling out into a weak sound of pain.

“Ngh.” _WHY. WHY him? Why HER! Just. Rao was cruel. That was the only conclusion he could come up with, as he crunched one of his hands into a fist, before calming himself to lay down on the bed next to her._ Shuffling on top of the covers, Mon-El pulled Kara’s bundled up form closer to him. 

She just kept shaking, cold and trembling against him, and her icy cheek burned against his neck when it made contact with his skin.

“I’d really like it if you’d call me, next time, okay? I’ll come home.” He whispered to her, even though he knew she was too busy drifting in and out to make sense of what he was saying.

“I care about you, Kara. I know you don’t think so. But I do."

This time he wouldn’t fail her. 

 

*

 

After he used his body heat to warm Kara as much as possible, she still hadn’t woken, seeming to have fallen into an exhausted and deep slumber. Laying the back of his hand gently against her cheek, he felt it was warm, and gently shifted some of her now damp hair out of her eyes. He moved to pull the covers back so that he could fully tuck her into the bed, now that she had thawed out a bit. Trying not to wake her, he pulled the comforter up to her chin and lay back down at her side. 

He didn’t really care about being appropriate anymore, pulling her slightly closer. He treated her kindly, and she needed the warmth. If she hated him, she could slap him later.

Not being able to help himself, he pressed his lips gently to her crown before letting himself fully sink down onto the pillow supporting his head. He was utterly exhausted. 

But he wanted to stay awake for her. Just until she…

 

**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to @93Mika who knows me too well and guessed that this was going to happen in the comments a few chapters back. Here’s me thinking I’m sly and unpredictable, and y’all are guessing the chapters before I put them up. I bow to you. 


	28. Delirium.

 

 

________

 

 

_Mmmmmm_. She would have sighed, if she had the strength. This was everything she never knew she needed, feeling the delicious warmth of him close, seeping into her skin and melting the bitterness and isolating cold away. 

She was tucked into Mon-El's chest, only the thin fabric of his shirt separating her cheek from his steady heartbeat, and she could feel the slight, calming weight of his chin resting gently on her crown. 

He was asleep. And she was.. in her bed? But Kara realized the comforter was separating them - he was lying on top of the covers (politely, she guessed) and other than her head resting on his chest and one of his arms wrapped lazily over her side, he probably didn’t mean to be so close.

Still, it felt nice. He was here. The ebb and flow of his breathing accompanied a snug warm feeling, as she discovered that she was cocooned in a blanket underneath the covers. She wiggled her toes to find they were inside a pair of toasty socks. 

Kara noticed the feeling of silken fabric pressed over her bare skin, and other than her thin bralette and… _yup.._ there was still some lace clinging to her hips…. the rest of her was certainly unclothed. Not that Kara minded, she had no real understanding of what privacy or shame actually meant, since her body was never her own to hide. Still, she was weirdly thankful that she hadn’t been _completely_ stripped down while unawares. 

Lifting her gaze to steal a glance at Mon-El, Kara traced the scruff along his jaw with her eyes, marvelling at how his face seemed soft and almost content while asleep. His battle hardened mask was gone, replaced with a super cute nose and untroubled restfulness, and Kara suddenly felt the need to capture this particular aura of him in a painting. Before it faded into the darkened, shadow version of himself (The one that carried burdens of death and guilt.) 

Reaching her finger up gently to run along his jaw, she wondered what the dark bristles that enhanced his features would feel like to touch… but at the last second, thought better of it, and instead pulled her hand back to chew lightly on her fingernails. She let herself snuggle further into him. He would likely wake and push her away soon. At least this way, she could drink her fill for a short while, closing her eyes and feeling his warmth flow into hers.

 

*

 

She coughed weakly, not meaning to wake Mon-El, but he stirred at the noise and pulled away slightly, drawing in a deep breath. There wasn’t any sign of contempt or nuisance in his eyes, and they weren’t set to their usual steel, either. Instead, they were a flowing silver, small shards of blue and grey flecks gently set in them, but they seemed… _kind_.   

“Hi.”

“Hi.” She coughed out again, her throat raw. 

Kara lifted her head up off Mon-El's chest to allow him to draw away, only to notice she couldn’t support the weight of her head properly - flopping down onto her pillow. 

Ugh. Everything was too heavy – oppressive against her chest and shoulders.

Mon-El removed his arm from where it had been draped over her, to slide it underneath his cheek, letting it join his other hand to rest on the both of them, still laying on his side. He just looked at her, while she waited for him to say something. Kara wondered what he could possibly be thinking, he seemed to be mining her eyes like they might contain some form of hidden treasures, and he just continued to stare, until she became uncomfortable and looked away. 

She felt his hand brush some of her now damp hair back, tucking it behind her ear, but she began to cough weakly again, feeling like her ribs were too tight, stealing her oxygen supply. His hand turned over to lean the back of it against her forehead, noticing she was running a fever.

“You’re burning up.” He spoke gently, and still didn’t seem annoyed. Why wasn’t he annoyed?

“I’m… (cough)... sorry.”

“For getting sick? Kara…”

“For…(cough)... going out…(cough)... in the snow.” She wheezed out, trying to apologize for being such a nuisance.

“Hey, it’s alright. You’ll be sick for a day or so, and it won’t be very nice… but there’s not much we can do about that now. ”

“I…it…”  she continued to struggle for air through her weakened lungs, and noticed the back of her neck was growing damp. She was so busy concentrating on the lovely feeling of being warm.. she didn’t realize she was actually _too warm._

“Here.” Mon-El helped her up, supporting the back of her head so that he could help her drink some water, soothing her throat a little. She felt an uncomfortable shiver run over her arms. Why was she cold and too hot at the same time?!

“You’re going to be late…for...” she couldn’t finish her sentence, too busy gasping for air. She was such a burden to him, why was he being so nice to her? She shouldn’t have gone out to look for Hope. It was stupid and pointless and now she was sick. 

“Kara. You need to rest. We can talk later, okay?” He pushed himself up to lean on the headboard, thinking about getting up to refill Kara’s water glass.

“Don’t....”

“I’m not going far. I’ll still be here when you wake up, okay? I don’t have to go to work today.” 

Well, actually, he shouldn’t have been skipping work, but he could palm off a few jobs and just pay his minions to get some of his other shit done for him.

She began shivering slightly, starting to feel a little faint. 

"I shouldn’t have left in such a rush. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry... that I… asked you…” Kara didn’t manage to finish apologizing before Mon-El’s had pressed his fingers gently against her lips to stop her. 

He shook his head lightly, like it wasn’t her fault or didn’t bother him that much anymore. Removing his touch from her lips, Mon-El ran his hand through his hair instead.

"Forgive me.”  

...

He let his soft gaze rest on Kara, seeing her force out a breath.

 

"And you, me."

_*_

 

After some aspirin and a little more water, Kara slept the rest of the day. Every time she woke, stirring uncomfortably or shifting over to lay on her side, he was there. Sitting up against the wall reading a book. Or doing something quietly on his tablet thing. Or just sipping a coffee. 

But every time she opened her eyes, he was there.

Just before dinnertime, Kara had started to feel a bit better, thankful that whatever medicine Mon-El had given her had worked to bring her temperature down. Her body, although still a little fragile, didn’t feel so bad.

“I’m gonna take a shower, if that’s okay.” She looked up at him from her place laying in bed, but his eyes never left the small rectangular screen in front of him on his lap. 

“Of course.” He just continued to sit, tapping on the device in his hands, as she slid from the bed to collect a few items of clothing. Kara smoothed over the back of her neck where her hair was gross from sweat, and although her body was back to a normal temperature, she felt a little woozy when she was upright. Hoping it would pass, Kara reached for some leggings and went to sift through her clothes.

She picked out something light but still warm, closing her drawer with a new shirt and sweater in hand, and looked up to find Mon-El quickly averting his gaze back to whatever he was doing. 

_Of course._ He wouldn’t even LOOK at her – pale blue lace and a tiny bralette be damned. 

Mon-El was still looking at his tablet blankly when he heard Kara turn his shower on, trying to redirect his thoughts back to whatever was inside the screen. He forgot that he had basically taken all of Kara’s clothes off without her permission, right up until he looked up from his work to see her walking around in her underwear. It _was_ her room now, to be fair. And he wasn’t looking. He totally didn’t notice that her bralette, which he did not at all recall buying, was partially see-through. Or that Kara had started to fill out a little now that she wasn’t starving. 

_Sure you weren’t looking._

Whatever. It’s not like it mattered. Kara didn’t even care. That’s just what she was like, apparently.

Mon-El used this opportunity to ditch the rest of his work and make himself some dinner. He thought about calling Lena to talk to her about Kara again – while she was in the shower and he could talk freely. But he knew that probably wasn’t a good idea. He never listened to Lena's advice or opinions when she gave them anyway. He always battled with her, until he was on his drive home, or sitting by himself, and everything would at some random point… sink in. 

Whatever. He could call her later when Kara was asleep... maybe.

Heating some pesto italiano, Mon-El ground some pepper and parmesan into his bowl before sitting with it on the couch. Shuffling around, he flicked the tv on for the first time in… a long while, since he didn’t really ever watch it that much, unless it was for a movie night or Call of Duty with Lena  – and they didn’t really do those things anymore. 

He liked to forgo technology at home mostly, preferring to relax from all the noise. But tonight, it was nice to have something mindless in the background, even though he wasn’t really watching it. It created just enough static to keep his inner thoughts bridled, with just enough distraction to keep away the tides of contemplation or nostalgia. 

Mon-El heard Kara blow drying her hair, and then padding in to make her way to the couch. Moving to sit, Kara settled herself into his side and brought her legs up to tuck underneath her clothed frame. He pretended to watch whatever was on the screen, but for some reason, allowed Kara to shift until she was comfortable, leaning on him with her face partially buried in a fluffy scarf. Maybe he needed this just as much as she did. Lately, he had been increasingly exhausted with his life. And really, he could quite happily watch television as Kara fell asleep tucked into his side. 

It was terrible. He shouldn’t have been letting her in. 

But.

It was too late now. 

 

**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for: Short chapter length. Mood. Update delay. Mental illness. Working 55hrs a week. Lame writing. Having no time to update or write. etc.
> 
> Peace. 
> 
> Thanks to my superbeta xo


	29. To The City of Stars.

 

Mon-El pulled his shoulders back slightly, making sure to maintain a straightened posture while in Rhea’s presence. They were both in his office, and he chose not to sit at his desk as they talked unless she sat as well, not giving her the opportunity to hold such a dominating stance over him during their conversation.

“Got everything you need, Michael? Are you sure you don’t want to take a team with you?” She let her hands fall to her hips, inspecting her son.

“You know I work better alone, Mother. They will just get in the way, and then... there will be liabilities. If it's just me, only one person can fuck up.” He moved to his safe, unlocking it and grabbing his duffle bag to begin packing a few more things for his trip – hacking technology and other glorious bits and pieces from Luthor-Corp. Mon-El was expecting that to be the end of their interaction, and that Rhea would leave him be to organize his overnight trip, that would begin in a few days time.

“Alright, fine. But take Lena with you.”

“Excuse me?” It was Mon-El's turn to raise his stance and put his hands on his hips, challenging his mother. 

“I’ve been talking to Lillian. Lena can gauge the potential of Palmer Technologies to have a sort of… working relationship with the Luthors. Their latest advancements have been stellar - very innovative and modern tech. And that means advanced weaponry. Gear for our men. There is plenty of potential going through that place, if your research has anything to say about it. Why do you think we’ve got a client asking us to steal something on their behalf in the first place, Michael? They are getting ahead of the game.”

“They are asking us, because they know how difficult it will be to get into a place like that – their security is insane.”

“All the more reason to take Lena, she will be a welcome distraction, and back up if you need it. If you fuck it up, maybe she will bring me the piece home, instead.”

“I will NOT screw this up, I’m you’re best man, you _know_ that.” he growled, offended that his mother had a habit of favouritism towards the Luthor girl. 

“Yes well, she may be the best  _woman_ for the job.” A slight smirk graced the corner of her mouth, knowing that it was women who held the power of the two great houses. Lillian’s husband was dead, and Lar – well, Rhea kept him in line.  

“Alright. Fine, I’ll take Lena.” Mon-El just wanted to get this argument out of the way and to be left in peace in his office, agreeing quickly to satiate her before she got into a huge rant.

“Good, she’s been making astonishing improvements for Luthor-Corp. Haven’t you heard?”

_The daughter you never had. I get it, she’s a fucking genius. Give it a rest._

_"_ Yes. Lena is a fine woman, and we are lucky to have her on our side. Luthor-Corp is the envy of many a criminal.. and many a blind citizen.” Mon-El set his jaw tight, ignoring the fact that his mother had always placed great value on Lena’s achievements, and yet always saw him as the biggest disappointment. 

_Lena is intelligent, cunning, and doing a supreme job suppling our teams with gear. Can take down about 6 men in under a minute. I get it, Rhea. You don’t need to tell me about the person I’ve known my entire life._

“You should be with someone like her. Just a thought.”

“Ugh. Keep those kind of thoughts to yourself!”

“Watch your tone, Michael!”

“Apologies, Mother. I have prep to do.”

“Yes, you do. Go. And don’t let me down.”

Ugh. why were they trying to strike up a business deal with the very people they were stealing from? So very Rhea. He would just have to suck it up and call Lena on his way home. At least he didn’t have to take any of Rhea’s men, as much as he would have liked to have some back up, it would be easier if there was no one else around that could mess anything up. He needed to prove to Rhea that he wasn’t the huge fucking disappointment he had become by screwing up the Saturn job.

Rhea walked out of his office, leaving him to organize his flight and mission outline. He still had a few days, but he also needed to make up for staying home yesterday. It was going to be a bit of a crammed week.

 

*

 

Kara was sitting on her bed brushing her hair when Mon-El knocked on the door frame, arriving home a little later than usual. He always came to see her before he made dinner, just checking in when he arrived home from work.

“Okay day?”

Kara continued to soothe out her tresses, adoring the smooth motion of gliding down through her hair to her waist, inhaling the slight smell of lavender. She had never been as well looked after as she was here with Mon-El. Politely nodding, she uncrossed her legs to let her feet rest on the carpet as she looked up. 

“I. Uhm. Did a painting today. Well… tried to.”

Mon-El smiled at her softly, seemingly pleased she had taken up some art to fill her time. “Show me? When you’re ready, of course, you don’t have to right now...”

“It’s okay, I’m done.” Kara sat the brush lightly down on her bed next to her phone, realizing she had accidentally left it open. It only had one message — the one Mon had sent her just before he left work. She had been staring at if for about the last hour. 

_< < **Earl Grey** >> Hey, coming home now. See you soon. <_

_< < **Lady Grey** >> Okay. <_

Kara quickly blacked her phone screen before Mon-El could see she had changed their names in her contacts. She had noticed he was partial to his tea. Earl grey seemed to be his favourite, followed closely by peppermint. He crossed his arms as he leant against door frame, not entering her room.

“Kara, I need to go away for a couple days.”

“Work?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

“How long?”

“I’m not leaving until Friday. Just staying overnight in Star City. Then I’ll be coming back."  

“I get it. It’s fine.”

“You’ll be alright by yourself overnight?”

“I... um….” She looked down at her hands, picking out imaginary things from under her fingernails. She couldn’t ask him to stay. 

“…Kara.”

“It’s fine. Whatever.” She shrugged, still not looking up. 

He unfolded his arms and relaxed one at his side, letting the other stroke his lip with his thumb thoughtfully while scratching the side of his cheek. She watched as he seemed to think deeply for a moment, but she couldn’t pick what it was about.

“Okay. Well…did you… want to show me your painting?”

Kara nodded, still looking at her feet when she reached over to tug on a pair of socks. Rising from her place, she wandered to the staircase quietly, hearing Mon-El follow closely behind.

Mon-El watched in fascination, as Kara slid her hand gently across the glass of the fishbowl when she passed it, like she had some strange connection with the little goldie minding its own business among the underwater greenery. She continued up the stairs in silence, and he just followed comfortably behind her. She stopped for a moment gripping the railing.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just... tired. Still recovering."

 

*

 

“Wow, Kara… this is… amazing? How did you learn to do this?”

She was pretty rusty actually, she hadn’t drawn in what… ten years? But apparently, something in her had a knack for it, and she was a bit elated that Mon-El recognized her raw talent. 

“I um…” she just shrugged, not really sure what to say.

Mon-El let his eyes drift over the piece. It was just a few roses, with faint ice crystals stuck to them… but they were detailed and she had clearly spent a lot of time on them. Although, she did have a lot of time on her hands…

“Are these your favourite flowers?” He asked, just… wondering.

“I like all flowers,” she said simply, shrugging and moving towards the piano. She let her hand settle on the top of the instrument, contemplating whether she would move around to sit at it or not. Eventually, Kara decided she would, carefully perching on the stool and just looking at it, still insecure about her lack of skill. “Teach me?” She asked timidly, remembering his offer to help her learn to play.

“Not today, sweetheart. I’ve got to make a few calls and organize some things for the weekend. Another time.”

She just nodded, understanding that work was a large part of his life, and that he had already sacrificed his Monday for her when he didn’t leave to go to… to… that place. 

“I’ll make dinner after I do some more work. Any requests?” 

Kara looked up to see he was ignoring his phone buzzing in his jacket pocket. Apparently, the calls were coming to him tonight.

“No, I’m fine.” She tried to force a smile, slowly letting her head shake in reply, and Mon-El just nodded before moving away to take the call. 

…

“…Lena, Hi, thanks for getting back….”

She heard him disappear down the stairs, not able to make out any more of what he was saying.

 

*

 

“I just wanted to ask if you’d be up for a… _task..._ this weekend with me?”

“Star City? Yeah I know, I had lunch with Rhea today. She gave me all the details.”

“Wait… what?”

“I had lunch with your mother? You know, bitchy one? Has dark hair? Super rich?”

“Lena!”

“What? Sorry, I thought you knew, she just talked about it like it was already organized. Is there a problem?”

“No. I just.. I thought I’d be the one making the decision. That’s all.”

“Well, don’t worry Mike, I’ve been itching for a bit of fun. Finally, something I can sink my teeth into.”

“You mean _someone_.”

“Hah, true. I won’t tell if you won’t.” He basically heard her smirking behind the phone. "So is there anything else you needed? Or...”

“Uhm…” He thought about it. But. He could just deal with Kara himself. He didn’t really need to be talking to Lena about everything that was going on at home. “No no. I’ll meet you on the tarmac at midday Friday then. Bring an extra gun.”

“Knives are more my style, Mike…”

“Fine. Just. I’ll see you later this week.”

“Catch ya." 

 

*

 

The rest of Mon-El’s week went rather quickly, making sure to lay out every aspect of his heist. Although he was all packed and ready to go for the next morning, he sat at his desk browsing the last of his plans, memorizing each and every detail. 

Kara had burst into his study a little after midnight, when he was just about finished up. Naturally, his anger swelled and he immediately stood up at the threat – with no control over the reaction. It was just his gut instinct to being interrupted, when no one was suppose to be allowed in this particular room. But it quickly melted, seeing Kara rushing towards him in tears. 

“Mon-El!” She was choking on her sobs as she collided with his chest, gripping him tightly and pressing her face into his neck. 

“Kara, what’s wrong?” 

She continued to cry, sucking in breaths while the uncontrolled tears began to dampen his shirt. She clung to him, leaving him slightly stunned and at a loss as to what he should do.

He tenderly guided Kara's face away from his collar so that she would look at him, gliding his thumb over her cheek to clear some of the tears away.

“What’s troubling you, sweetheart?” he gleaned her eyes for an answer, but suddenly felt her collide with him again. “ _Oomph_.” 

She hugged her arms around him tightly, breathing in short pants, and he had no idea what was going on. 

“You’re safe, Kara. Tell me what’s wrong. Have you been.. having nightmares again?” He felt her hair brush against his jaw when she nodded against him, trembling quietly in his arms. “Your family?” 

She shook her head, and he wasn’t sure if a line of questioning was a good idea. 

He pulled away, but took her hands with his as he removed them from his body, silently asking her to let her breaths become calm. Mon-El struggled to hear her when she began to whisper through her shaking.

“You… you didn’t... come back.”

“What?”

“You… you _left_. And. You didn’t come back.”

“Kara, I’m right here. It was just a dream." 

“You were _shot_.”

He nodded in understanding, gripping her hand a little tighter in his own, realizing Kara had woken thinking she was alone and unprotected – that he had left her and not come back. 

“Kara, I’m not going anywhere dangerous, I’m going to a technology firm. Full of IT nerds. If I screwed up REALLY badly, I _might_ get shot by a security officer, but the chances of that happening are slim to none. See?” He guided her to the papers laid out on his desk, showing floor plans, cameras, heat sensors, and alike. It showed guard shifts and swipe key access, passcode locks and iris scanners. It showed the levels of security from low to high, and even had the temperature the air conditioning was regularly set to. 

“See? This is what I’ve been doing all week. Okay? I’ll know where everyone will be, and when. I’ve been doing this a while. Piece of cake. Promise.”

Mon-El heard her sniffle as she calmed down, taking in what she could of the papers laid out on his desk. Her eyes scanned over them as he let her hands go, to move his own to his pockets.

“I’ll send you a text every couple of hours when I can, okay? I might even give you a call when I’m done. I’ll be fine. And if you need anything, you can text me and I’ll get back to you the moment I can. How’s that?”

Kara continued to sniffle and raised her hands to wipe her cheeks dry, nodding lightly but saying nothing. 

“Come on, it’s late. You need your sleep.”

 

*

 

“Oh do NOT tell me you brought  _her_ _.”_ Lena had already become comfortable on the Gand’s private jet, a glass in hand while she waited for Mike who had been talking to his chauffeur on the tarmac for a few minutes. When he finally got his arse on the plane, he had apparently brought along a plus one. 

“Who? You mean the moody brunette who’s already drinking all my champagne?” he just nodded at her glass, not impressed that she had broken into his stash before he had even boarded.

“Oh fuck off, Mike, someone's gotta be the brains of this mission. You had to bring me along. We both know this will go smoother with my charm and intelligence."

“You mean your rack.” Mon-El rolled his eyes so hard they might have made it to outer space. 

“Hmmm… that too.. don’t you know it.” She winked at him, seeing if she could get a scowl out of the Kara girl. She was pleased to see the blonde’s jaw tighten a little. 

Mon-El set the rest of their stuff down and let the pilot know they were cleared for take off, chastising Lena while he did. “Would you at least wait until we are in there air before you finish my bottle of  _Veuve Clicquot?_!"  

"Hmmm. No promises.” She took another sip, clearly pleased with herself.  “You want a glass, hun?” Lena may not have liked the little blonde thing interrupting her work, but she knew it would make take off a little less scary for Kara. Ugh, she didn’t want to have to deal with a nervous breakdown from some little blonde when she _finally_ got to get out and do something fun.

“Uhm. Sure.” 

"She speaks!” 

"If you bully her, Lena, I will wait until we are in the air and push you out the back hanger. Without a parachute."

"Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Mike.” She went to fetch Kara a glass, deciding to just bring back the whole bottle while she did. 

“You girls are going to drink all my bloody champagne this trip, aren’t you?” Mon-El huffed before sliding into one of the luxurious seats, pulling his phone out as he sat. 

“You’re the one that brought her along idiot, now she’s going to learn from the very best. If it's going to cost $206 a minute to fly in one of these things, might as well have a cocktail or two while we’re at it” Lena grinned, bringing her glass to her lips and leaving a plum stain around the rim.”

Kara just took the chair next to Mon-El’s quietly, forcing Lena to take one opposite, facing them both. Tenderly taking the offered glass of champagne from Lena, Kara rook a sip of the drink. It was tart and bubbly against her lips.   

“Woah woah woah… go easy on that stuff! It’s expensive.” Mon-El chastised her, and Kara pulled the glass away from herself when she realized she was sculling it. That’s just what she was used to. Consuming as much alcohol as quickly as possible – to drown out the anxiety. 

“Sorry,” she mumbled, still feeling moths cling to her insides.

“Here, we are about to take off in a few minutes anyway.” Mon-El took the glass from Kara and chucked back the rest of her drink, smirking a little bit as he ditched the glass, leaving Kara to fiddle uncomfortably with her ring. She was bouncing her knee lightly, looking out the window. “You’ve never been on a plane before, have you?” he asked gently, hoping she wouldn’t be too much of an anxious flyer. It would be a pretty short trip in his jet, but still, leaving the ground might upset her a little more than she could handle, especially with how exhausted she had been lately. 

“Uhm…” she shook her head lightly, chewing gently on her bottom lip. 

Lena cut in then, being the little shit stirrer she was “You can always get off… you didn’t have to come with us to Star City and back.” 

“Lena. What did I say about being _nice?_ ” he hissed at her, wondering if she could only refrain from being a bitch for under 3 minutes at a time. 

“Pfff. And when have I ever listened to you, Mike? Besides. She’s not cut out for this. We are _working_ ,” she grumbled, crossing her arms and taking out a magazine she had brought with her for the short journey.

Kara didn’t really know what to do, sort of caught in the middle of their conversation. 

“You say that like you actually do _WORK_ when we are working.” He gave Lena a knowing look. How did drinking fine wine and dining at expensive restaurants count as work again? Flirting with men? _He_ was the one who actually had to break into the place and try not to get arrested or killed. 

“Fine, fine. But if you fuck this up because you decided to bring along your little princess, I’ll shoot you myself.” She sat back, finishing the last of her champagne.

“Not much of a threat. Someone already tried that...” Mon-El looked down at Kara with a dumb grin, pleased with his little joke, but she just furrowed her brow at him, not at all appreciating that he had brought up  _that_  again.  “Right, sorry, not funny?” He spoke quietly to her and she shook her head again.

Lena just rolled her eyes and opened her magazine.

 

*

 

Mon-El realized it was pretty stupid of him to take the window seat out of habit, when Kara was leaning across his chest and nearly sitting on his lap looking out at the cloud they had just past through, filled with utter wonder and awe. He guessed it was probably amazing to her, something he took for granted after seeing it too many times. 

The view was rather nice today, a soft blue meeting a layer of fluffy pillowed cloud underneath them. 

“It’s… wonderful.” 

Mon-El started to consider if Kara had any concept of personal space, feeling the heat of her chest against his shoulder and both her hands gripping his thigh as she just stared out the window as if he wasn’t even there. 

“Would you like to swap places? Here.” He got up, nodding at her to swap, so that she could lean on the window and continue her wonderment. 

He finally had some breathing space back, sitting and looking up to see Lena directly opposite him looking over her magazine with raised brows. He swore a slight smirk was beginning to form, but she said nothing, letting her eyes fall back down to the pages in front of her. 

Mon-El leaned back. It was just under 2 hours to Star City, but maybe he could nap and let his body rest before he needed all of his energy devoted to heightened senses and concentration. Finding a nice comfy position, he closed his eyes for a short power nap. 

 

*

 

"What are you grinning about?” Mon-El stirred to find Kara playing on her phone.

“I got an Eevee.” She smiled into her scarf, looking down at her phone at the cute, fox-like creature that she had gotten on some old school game. The pixels were all weird… and sometimes she got lost going round in circles, it seemed, but it was mostly fun. 

“Oh? An Eevee huh?” He leaned over to look at the screen, his face brushing her cheek slightly as he leaned in to see. “Well, I have a Pikachu. So there.” He played along for fun.

“Meh, Pikachu is lame. Over-rated.” 

_??! She knew about this stuff?_

“How…” Mon-El was interrupted by Lena passing him a glass bowl of chocolate almonds as she rose from her seat, clearly to go find a glass of something, and shaking them a little so that he would take them from her.

“Alright, I confess, you definitely know the way to my heart, Lena.” Kara watched as he took the bowl and plopped some of the oval things in his mouth, drifting off into a sweet heaven before offering her some.

"Hmmm?” He mumbled through his full mouth, politely offering up the sweets to her, but Kara just shook her head. 

She wasn’t sure if she liked Lena. The air of confidence about her was suffocating. Lena was graceful in a way that she never would be. Strong. Self assured. And also apparently had deep connection with Mon-El.

“Was the flight okay?” Mon-El finally stopped munching. 

“Mhhmm,” she exited the application, turning her attention back out the window.

“We will be landing soon. Might be nice to go somewhere different? Huh?”

Kara had thought it would be nice to get out of Salvgar, but to be honest, she was only comfortable right now because she was right beside Mon-El, and the thought of landing in a completely new and strange place wasn’t something she wanted to consider until she had to. She had no choice. Be left alone and potentially have a nervous breakdown at home. Or… tag along… and potentially have a nervous breakdown when she was overwhelmed by whatever Star City was. 

“Mon-El, I…”

“Did she just?!?!” Lena had returned, about to take her seat again when she turned with wide eyes to stare horrified at Kara, looking between the seated pair. Had she just called Mike, _MON-EL?!_

“I’m sorry! I didn’t…” Kara began blurting out a tumble of words when Mon-El stopped her, telling Lena to shut the fuck up.

“You. Sit down, and be quiet.” He pointed directly at Lena, motioning for her to mind her own goddamn business. Kara was just about to talk to him! To open up to him! UGH!

Mon-El’s low threat was almost a growl, and Kara felt her stomach twist at her faux pas. Her heart began to beat terrifyingly fast. She had screwed up, and they hadn’t even arrived at their destination yet! 

“Don’t you _DARE_ talk to me like that, Mike.” Lena’s hands settled on her hips (looking shockingly similar to Rhea in that moment) her scowl growing deep.

“You are on MY mission, in MY jet, drinking MY booze, now shut the hell up, and sit the fuck down." 

Lena narrowed her eyes at him, not willing to cave, and yet, knowing during this mission she was somewhat under his ‘command’. She was never underneath anyone – that wasn’t the right way to put it. But. It was his mission and his money she would be using all weekend, and his jet she was currently residing in. Damn him. If he ditched her, she would miss out on all the fun. She snapped her jaw shut and refused to sit like he told her, instead taking her drink to the far side of the cabin (as far away she could get in such a small area) and sat somewhere else. She would enjoy her drink and the view in peace. Arsehole. 

“Sorry about that.” Mon-El redirected his attention back to Kara, softening his voice, to see she was shaking. “Are you alright?”

The way he flicked suddenly from threatening to soft scared her. On top of the fact she had about 20 minutes before she was basically on the other side of the universe (in her mind, anyway). And that she had no idea why she was here and how she was going to cope. Still, she would NOT cry, she would not show such weakness to him, and especially not in front of Lena. 

“Kara, talk to me.”

“I’m fine.” 

 

____

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know, withdrawls. Sorry for taking so long.


	30. Brave New World.

 

Mike let Lena hop off the jet first, taking the bags for the girls with him after thanking his pilot and giving him a wad of cash not to offhand ever mention he brought a blonde along with him for the trip. The pilot rolled his eyes, probably thinking he was just using his money and playboy status to traipse around in his fancy jet with a plus one, not thinking the information was even important enough to mention to anyone. Still, Mon-El watched as the male nodded his agreement and tucked the cash in his own overnight bag. (It was actually cheaper for him to have a bit of fun in Star City than bother shooting back to Salvgar, just to fly back and get them the next day. No doubt he would use his extra cash well.)

When Mon-El turned to get off the jet, Kara will still standing in the doorway like a shaky little leaf. “Everything alright?” He joined her, standing at her side and willed his own aura of confidence calm her down a bit.

“I’m. ...Terrified.” She was honest, whispering her fears over her dry tongue and trying not to look as afraid as she really was.

“New things can be like that, I understand. I’m sure theres some pretty new sights though? Maybe I’ll even take you to the famed Sanctuary Gardens to see the flowers…”

“What?” She croaked.

“There’s a beautiful greenhouse here. Well... more of an extremely impressive dome. It’s rather large. I’m sure you’ll like it, some inspiration for your paintings, perhaps..”

“Really?”

“Sure. There’s not much to do here while I wait for Lena to butter up the CEO of Palmer Tech before I break in after dark.”

“Uhm… I think… I think I’d like that.”

“Good. Come on then, plenty to see while it’s still daylight.” He smiled and nodded for her to exit the jet, unable to put a hand at her waist while his arms were full of stuff. He watched as Kara’s shoulders came up a bit, like she could guard herself from the outside world by tensing her muscles. 

Eventually, she let her arms relax to slide down the railing, and stepped onto the tarmac to look at the sky. It was a beautiful crisp winter’s day, and she let her eyes drift from the sky to the towering buildings in the distance, and then to the waiting car.

 

*

Kara was sitting in the middle, rather politely until she saw a grandiose statue of a two fighting stallions out the window. The car drove underneath them, the marvellous and enormous horses forming an archway for them to pass through.

“Uhm… excuse me?” Lena was confused as to why this girl had NO CONCEPT OF PERSONAL SPACE, basically leaning on her to see out the window with bright blue eyes. “Mike… control your over excited pup would you?!”

“Sorry. I just…” Kara slinked back into her place in the middle, removing her limbs from being draped over Lena’s and sat her hands delicately in her own lap. They had plenty of room, she just… was so caught up in the sights outside she didn’t really notice Lena.

The scowling brunette looked over at Mike, narrowing her eyes to daggers and gritting her teeth at him, out of view of Kara as she silently argued with him over her head. “LOOK at what you’ve dragged ME into!” She mouthed at him ferociously, biting her jaw together as she silently snapped at him. She was NOT going to do ANY babysitting this trip, and if she had to take her own car and do her own thing the entire time, well, so be it. This was her chance for some thrill seeking and craftsmanship – of the glorious manipulative kind – and there wasn’t any way she was going to let this adorable blonde take up unnecessary time. Kara was a sweet little thing, and did something slight and strange to Lena’s emotions, but she wasn’t willing to acknowledge that she might actually see potential to come to LIKE the girl. Just because Kara was curious and seemed fascinated at such normal things… no. She wouldn’t soften for her. No way. This girl was _weak,_ and Lena had a job to do.

 

*

After dropping Lena off at Palmer Tech for her coffee date with Mr. Invention Nerd, Mon-El and Kara went to check in at the hotel and leave the trio’s stuff out of the way for the afternoon.

"You can take the bed,” Mon-El nodded over at the large kingsize bed, which would have a glorious view of the city lights when night came. He had thought about getting Kara her own room last minute, even though it would triple the price of his trip, but it made sense for them to not be separated while in a strange new place. Kara wouldn’t do well on her own, and he needed to keep an eye on her. Somehow he didn’t think chucking her in with Lena would be a good idea, and it wasn’t like taking the couch in a luxury penthouse suite was a burden — it might as well have been another bed. 

“Are… are you sure?” Kara looked at her feet, refusing to meet his gaze.

“Of course, I’ll be out extremely late anyway, you might as well use it to get some decent sleep while I’m not here.” He disappeared behind a large white stone wall, and Kara heard a tap turn on as Mon-El, presumably, decided to make a cup of tea.

_While he… was out extremely late_. She would still have to be alone, even if she was going to be safe and in an utterly gorgeous suite, the anxiety started to twist and creep around her like vines, crushing around her ribs.

Kara moved to the glass panels that looked out over Star City, seeing the place buzz below with life. The view _was_  rather beautiful, though a lot different to looking out of the glass panels in Mon-El’s home out to the garden and ocean. It seemed distant, from way up high, like it couldn’t hurt her yet...

“Paris Tea okay?” Mon-El poked his head around the corner, and she tore her eyes away from the view to answer him.

“Yes, Thank you.”

She heard him shuffle around before reappearing with their hot drinks.  

“Pretty nice huh?” Mon-El moved to sit at one of the couches next to a coffee table, setting Kara’s cup of tea down. “Ever been in a place like this?” Mon-El felt his tone come out a bit smug, but, it was glorious. Sometimes being a Gand wasn’t… _so_ bad. He pulled Lena’s swipe key out of his pocket to settle on the table as well, reminding himself to keep it handy for when Lena returned from building a business partnership with Palmer.

“Yes, actually. Once.”

“Oh?” Mon-El raised his eyes to see Kara screwing her hands up into fists, still staring out the window down to the city below, and then releasing them again. 

“I’d prefer not to talk about it.”

“Right.” Mon-El leaned back and enjoyed the view and a quick relax with his cup of tea, wondering when Kara could have possibly been in such a luxurious place. She seemed a little sullen. But they could go out soon. He was pretty sure she would adore the Sanctuary Gardens…

 

*

 

Mon-El couldn’t help but give a smug grin as Kara’s breath left her, completely enraptured by the sight before her. Their walk had eventually brought them to The Room of Sunflowers, and despite being the middle of winter, the towering yellow clusters were taller than Kara, rows of gold surrounding them. The glass roof was high above them, diffusing the light evenly across the enclosed space, and with such a pleasant temperature, could even give the illusion of spring. 

Kara's wide eyes were near sparking, beautiful azure pools filled with delight. He could see her trying to absorb every new thing she adored, attempting to commit it to memory. 

Mon-El felt himself being dragged around on the end of Kara’s arm, as she bounced happily from one beautiful sight to the next, drinking in the delightful colours and stopping to inhale the wondrous scent of the Blackforrest Roses. She pulled him every which way she wanted, spellbound by the layers of divine colours, wandering under blossoms and twisted vines, and stopping to admire the Fire Tulips.

Eventually, she found a seat - a rustic wooden bench that looked over a glassy pool, and stopped to rest a bit. He heard her sigh as she sat, and for the first time, maybe ever, he saw her fully relax. 

“So I’m guessing you like it then.” He tried to keep the smugness out of his voice, but was failing terribly.

“It’s so beautiful. SO beautiful.”

“Indeed it is.” The place was magical. Yet, he wasn’t looking around when he replied to her simply. Taking in her state of calm, as she closed her eyes and breathed in -- the air earthy and fresh. The sight that was beautiful was the one in front of him. He could see it was indeed a sanctuary to Kara in those moments, peaceful and vibrant.  He was surprised by her courage to come with him, even when she was shaking all the way from the hotel to the car to the gardens. Finally seeing her calm and enjoying herself, enchanted by the rooms of flora and life...  _That_ was beautiful. 

 

*

Kara was trying to continue reading her book that she had brought with her, _Alice in Wonderland_ , her feet tucked underneath her on one of the lounge suites, when Lena returned to get her keycard from Mon-El. The forceful knock indicated her presence, and he jumped up to get the door for her.

Before Mon-El had even greeted her, she just pushed her way in huffing and puffing and probably about to blow the house down.

“WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT?!” She was nearly snarling, making Mon-El take a step back out of the way quickly.

“What, Lena?”

“He said NO! He’s not even interested!” She began to use a mocking voice to imitate what was clearly a part of her conversation with the man she met with. The CEO? What was his name again? _'We are just not yet ready to make partnerships with other technology facilities right now. Our work isn’t ready to be released to the world.’_

“Well that doesn’t make much sense, you would financially support them, help them with research, so that their advancements WERE ready to be released to the world.” 

“EXACTLY! He doesn’t even care about money, he is basically a billionaire himself!”  

“So I take it your rack didn’t work then.” He grinned a little too gleefully at Lena’s probably first failed attempt at getting what she wanted in… a very long time. 

“Shut up, Mike,” she huffed, glaring at him. 

Mon-El just nodded at the slits in the sides of her dress. “Put a coat on, would you? It’s far too cold to go around in that.” He was used to seeing Lena in her… outfits.. but for some reason thought it would be more appropriate to not let her go around giving Kara any ideas. 

Lena just rolled her eyes, pulling her red coat on and kicking her heels off to sit on the lounge suite, as far away from Kara as possible. 

“Maybe he’s into blondes.” He chuckled, but passed Lena a glass of wine before she put a knife in him for teasing her. 

“You’re lucky we have a mission tonight…” She mutted, her slight threatening tone making Mon-El just laugh again. 

“Can’t handle failure, huh?”

“Oh, shut it!! You are enjoying this FAR too much. We both know it is a rarity, Mike. For either of us. When multiple things start to go wrong all at the same time… it makes me wonder if there is more at play. You can tease me all you want, but one of these days it will bite you in the arse."

"What then? Loosing men? I doubt Palmer even knows you HAVE criminals at Luthor-Corp, let alone an entire floor of them. What would he care if a few went missing, if he by some unlikely-hood, he found out?" Mon-El let his hands cross over his body, giving Lena the look. "And how is that going to effect me? ...No offence."

“I dunno Mike. I can’t catch a fucking break lately. I’m just. This NEVER happens?! I feel like someone is conspiring against me. Against _US._ ” 

“Well, to be honest that wouldn’t surprise me. We have no shortage of enemies, Lena.” 

"Can we just go steal this fucking thing?! Like. Now? If he doesn’t want to share I’m just going to take it." 

"I’m not taking you with me. I'm going alone."

"Like hell!! You are not leaving me behind with _this_ …” She motioned her hands around dismissively at Kara, who clearly was NOT reading her book.

“You’d better put the glass of wine down then. Change. Stockings and heels are hardly appropriate for crawling through air vents. And you need to calm down, Lena. You’re so un-used to feeling disappointment… It doesn’t agree with you." 

“Pfff. I’d do a better job than you in heels any day, Mike. But you’re right. I can rock my leathers tonight instead." 

“Such the badarse.” He rolled his eyes at her, rubbing his temples at the change in plans.

“Mission outline. Table. Now.”

Kara watched as the pair ignored her, spouting off about things she didn’t know and enemies and conspiring and most of it was going over her head. But it was slightly disconcerting. He was taking Lena with him now? She knew they couldn’t take her… she would be utterly useless to them. But. She didn’t want to feel so useless. Why did she even come... 

 

*

 

Kara climbed up to sit in the window, high above the city lights and in a strange new world. She had no idea where Mon-El would be right now, but she couldn’t sleep while he was out. He said he wasn’t going to be in danger, and even more so with Lena tagging along. But. He could be arrested. And then she would be alone. Then she would have no one. She just sat, staring into the night, wondering what he was doing 

 

* 

 

"So your girl is a little strange…"

"She’s not my girl, Lena."

"Yes, right, okay. But… your girl is still strange…”

“Concentrate, Lena.” He was holding a wire in his mouth as he twisted others together, fiddling around to manipulate the cameras so that they could go mostly unnoticed for 12 minutes on the 16th floor. 

“YOU concentrate, Mike. I can see you thinking about her.”

“I am not.” He continued to fiddle around until he broke through the first layer of security, allowing him to unlock the door as well.

“Oh… you didn’t need to do that.” Lena grinned in the low light.

“What?”

“I swiped this.” Lena pulled out Ray Palmer's security card, waving it around triumphantly, entirely pleased with herself.

“Could you have mentioned that SOONER?!”

Lena just winked, taking the lead and forcing Mon-El to follow.

 

**

* * *

 


	31. All that glitters...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All that glitters, is not gold."  
> proverb. the attractive external appearance of something is not a reliable indication of its true nature.

“You didn’t really think I was going to crawl through air vents with you, did you?” Lena chuckled, shaking her head. “I haven’t had to crawl through one of those since I was about 16. I prefer to use the front door…” Lena smirked, leading the way through every door without resistance, making all of his late nights basically for naught.

“Not all of us can get up close and personal with targets, you bloody minx.” Mon-El shook his head from side to side, but appreciated that this was going to be quicker and far easier than first thought. 

Lowering her voice even more, she sent him a wink. “You should try it some time. Make a few man-nections. No harm done.”

“Somehow, I don’t think the guys I usually steal from would be very comfortable with that…” 

“Hmmm. True. Perks of having a great ass, I suppose.”

"Hey! I have a great ass! I just don’t have that sensual female hourglass thing going for me.”

“Alright alright, keep it down. There are three guards on shift on this floor, remember?” 

“I remember. It was _my_ plans you were reading.  _You_  remember.”

They walked quietly down the hall and poked their heads around the corner, seeing a security officer pacing the halls, before they slipped by him into another hallway. 

“Keep up!” Lena hissed, and Mon-El just glared at her in return, taking it easy because he was trying to be QUIET. 

“Where’s the third guy at?” He whispered. 

“Who cares? He’s not here. Move it." 

When they finally reached their goal, there was just one more guard left, sitting down playing on his phone bored as anything while he sat next to the door.

“Well now what? This is why I was going to use the air vents.” Mon-El kept his voice low, but was displeased that Lena had pulled a stunt on him last minute.

“He has to go to the bathroom sometime.” Lena shrugged and used the security key to swipe into the nearest door, pushing Mike through and closing it quietly.

“LENA! That could take all night!”

“I’m joking! Pass me the sedative, I know you brought it."

"I can do it.”

“I’m sexier. Let me do it.”

“What if he prefers blondes? Or men?”

“Oh, shut it, you prick. People fall asleep on the job all the time. He’s much less likely to radio in if he sees the one and only Lena Luthor walking towards him. In leather. 

“What if he identifies you?"

“Good. Ray Palmer can suck it for turning me down.”

“That’s a terrible plan.”

“You want to find a bloody air vent?” 

Mon-El pulled the sedative out of his pocket and gave it to Lena, preferring to just get this done and get back to the hotel to Kara. “Fine. You have 30 seconds, and then I’ll come unlock the door."  

"You brought the 26X right?"

"No you bitch, I only have the 25X, I can’t keep up with you and your upgrades. I’d break the bank.”

“Fine, fine, that will do the job anyway.”

“20 seconds.”

"Alright! Calm down!” Lena slipped out of the office leaving him. He still gave her 30 seconds, pulling out a small device that would hack the passkey in under a minute and trick the iris scanner.

 

*

  
Kara sighed as she wrapped her hands around her knees, watching the city and refusing to go to bed. Below her danced a multitude of patterned lights, clusters of silvery squares dotted around the city, and a red mottled glow from cars making their way between vast buildings. 

Her chest hurt. And her arms ached. 

Sparks crawled under Kara's skin over her fried nervous system, setting it alight with caustic pains and sharp, white-hot biting sensations. She hated being like this – her emotional reactivity not something she could control. But her body refused to obey her as the spiteful emotions ran over her like acid. She knew the intensity of it didn’t make any sense – she was one hundred percent being completely overdramatic. And yet, the twisted hurtful feelings remained.  

It should have been beautiful, getting to come to a new place and gaze at the bustling centre of Star City. And a part of her thought it was. But then she thought of how Mon-El was a thief, a manipulator, and a liar. He was a criminal like her master. Staying in luxury rooms and going off with Lena? Leaving her to sit in her suffering unable to sleep until he came back? IF HE EVEN CAME BACK.  

She shouldn’t have really been that upset, he _had_ brought her along after all, even though he said he wouldn’t... and that he shouldn’t. In the end, he just couldn’t bear to leave her. 

But Kara was tired. Keeping herself together was entirely exhausting. And then to see a view like this one? She knew the real reason she was getting more and more upset had only a _smidgen_  to do with Mon-El doing his job. It was the landscape. It reminded her of the central most part of Salvgar, the last time she had seen a view like this one. 

 

*

 

_Her master walked in, holding a beautiful gown in a deep red - like the colour of wine, and an older woman followed closely behind him, a bag slung over her shoulder and a curling iron in her hand. Kara knew the woman was here to get her ready – to glaze makeup over the bruises around her neck and curl her eyelashes. It happened every once in a while, whenever her master had an important event._

_She knew it was his friend’s birthday, having overheard her master talking about it on the phone a few days ago – something about entertainment at the end of the night… Alcohol... Who would be there..._

_After being offered a hot shower, Kara was instructed to wash her hair and have something to eat so that she would be presentable._ _When she emerged from the shower wearing a robe, there was an assortment of treats and fruit laid out on a dark table, a glass of wine already poured for her. She was left wondering where Vik and his stylist were – presumably downstairs having a few drinks together._

_Kara was growing increasingly nervous, but plucked a plum from among the fruit and lifted the wine to her lips, knowing the alcohol would at least calm her nerves. The only time she got to leave was for her master's lavish parties, when he showed her off like a trophy to his social circle. They didn't even seem to really be all that social; they spent all of their time drunk or with women, not actually forming any lasting connections within their group. Did they do anything except party?_

_The woman re-entered her master’s room, and Kara remained silent as her nails were painted with a glossy red enamel. She obeyed whenever she was asked to close her eyes, tilt her head, or lift her chin. Her hair was dried and then slowly became perfectly loose curls, falling over her shoulders, and her face changed from sickly pale to bright and sensual. By the time her master’s stylist had finished her eyeliner and lashes, Kara barely recognized the young woman staring back at her in the mirror._

_Finally, Kara stepped into the dress, holding her hair out of the way gently as the woman behind her zipped it up from mid back to her neck, and she noticed it wasn’t perfectly skin tight like it was suppose to be. It was slightly too loose, and she guessed it had something to do with not eating as much lately._

_Nothing was said as she was treated like a doll, adorned with lipstick and earrings and finally a silver bracelet. It was the same one she wore whenever she went out, and she knew it had a small tracker in it. She could easily take it off if she wanted to – at least, she assumed she could. But she had never tried. (Maybe it had an alert, in case she tried to remove it herself? Or perhaps the reason she didn’t take it off, was simply because she had no where to go, and so she just… stayed.)_

_“You’re done, now. Vik is waiting downstairs for you. Don’t be long.”_

_“Kara was given a moment to herself to walk into the wardrobe and select a pair of shoes, sitting on the bed to wrap the lacy heels up before stealing a last dose of wine, as the woman collected her things._

_Kara promptly made her way downstairs, never once thanking the woman for her services – she was hardly going to thank a woman for being a part of her ongoing nightmare. It was going to be one of_ _THOSE_ _nights, that appeared to be a lovely dream, until the façade faded away into sickening misery._

_But this was her life now. And at least she would get to go outside of the house for a time. Perhaps her master would treat her kindly a little longer than usual? If he didn’t have too much alcohol, he would be nice to her._

_She knew that was wishful thinking. It never happened at these events. He was an angry drunk. And he was only kind to her when she kept him fully pleased._

 

_*_

_"Damn, you got yourself a gorgeous woman there, Vik.”_

_“Damn right, I do.” Her master sent the man a wink, passing across his invite and leading her inside on his arm. The floors glittered with the lights, shimmering from the overhead chandelier, and shards reflected off the gold staircase in the centre of the room._

_No, really, a fucking gold staircase._

_Kara was led around between men and woman dressed in formal attire, hearing live jazz music coming from somewhere, and the clink of glasses filling her ears. The rooms hummed with a  particular ambience of celebration and chatter and affluence, as those around her flitted about indulging in conversation and cocktails._

_It all just washed over her, the alcohol in her blood forming a protective layer from the outside world, as did the feeling of her master’s arm looped in hers. These sorts of events never scared her anymore. She was just an ornament, barely noticed... an embellishment on the end of her master’s arm. She was no one._

_“Champagne, miss?”_

_“Thank you.” She nodded politely at the waiter balancing a tray on his hand doing the rounds, unravelling from Vik to take the offered drink in her good hand, before she was guided to a group of men._

_“Kahn! My good friend! Happy Birthday.” Her master and the man gripped arms in good cheer, bantering and clinking their glasses together in celebration as she was promptly ignored by the group while they chattered away. She stood her ground, knowing her place was at her master’s side._

_“Don’t think I’ve met this one yet? She’s a looker!” The man, quite obviously surrounded by the most important people in the room, the celebration in his honour, raked over her with a cruel gaze. A smirk danced at the sides of his mouth. “What happened to your wrist?”_

_Kara still had a small bandage tightly strapped around it, the remnants of a broken wrist that had taken a few months to heal._

_"I fell down the stairs," she lied easily, and her master looked at her expectantly in front of the other guests. “But Vik takes good care of me,” she added, trying to force the fear down in its place. Vik nodded his approval as his hand settled on the curve of her back, staking his claim on her in front of the other men._

_“I hope you’ll enjoy your gift, Kahn.” Her master smiled politely at the other man, leaving Kara confused. He didn’t bring a gift. Unless it was in the car and he was saving it for later?_

_*_

 

_After a long night of celebration and speeches, and one of the most ridiculously extravagant cakes Kara had yet seen, most of the other guests had left, save for a few of ‘the boys’ who were playing a drinking game in the ornate lounge. She sat on her master’s lap, something about cards and betting going on. Kara just drank her cocktail in peace, since they were all to far gone to really notice her._

_“Alright boys! It’s down to Kahn and Mace!”_

_Surprisingly, she thought the other man would let Kahn win – it was his birthday after all – but he lost to his friend. She was waiting for Kahn to get angry or annoyed, but simply let the other guy have it._

_“Come on! I was thissss close!” he slurred his words, but grinned at his competitor and bumped fists with him, before continuing to speak. “Alright. I think it’s time to call it a night. Thanks for a good one, men!”_

_A few started to move off when her master spoke up then, shifting Kara off of him for the both of them to stand._

_“I’ll pick her up in the morning. Don’t wear her out too much, aye? She’s still mine.” He sounded smug, as he released Kara from his hold._

_“You’re too kind Vik. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of your girl.” The male who had just finished celebrating his birthday winked at her, but his eyes were dark and suddenly all the pieces fitted together._

_Entertainment at the end of the night. Her master’s gift._

_SHE was the gift._

_*_

 

_She felt disgusting._

_Kneeling over the toilet, Kara let the contents of her stomach out, silent tears hot against her cheeks. She couldn’t believe that she was actually looking forward to the moment her master would pick her up in the morning. So that she could leave this horrid place._

_Dragging herself next to the window, Kara sat staring out at the city lights through the large glass panels, holding her knees to her chest as she willed the sun to come up sooner. He was asleep, and Kara didn’t make a sound as she crumpled into a heap at the windowsill. She was in one of the most beautiful suites she had ever seen, high above the central business district of Salvgar… but feeling like she was drowning with mud in her throat. She was entirely repulsed by her own body, the nauseating filth clinging to her._

_She just wanted to leave._

_And never see a sight like this one ever again._

 

**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you that don't remember, Kahn was Vik's partner in the chapter 'Devil's Breath', conversing with Rhea, and was a part of the team that raided the Danvers household. Rhea does mention his name once briefly. 
> 
> As one of my readers connected without me telling you specifically in the chapter 'Broken Promise,' Kahn is also the man who gets a lovely knife in the throat, courtesy of Mon-El. Just incase you didn't make the connection from "Hey, I know you, you're Vik's girl. It was nice of him to share." That chapter was a while ago..
> 
> Anyway. Other than that, thanks to my beta @maybetomorrow for proof reading my shitty spelling.


	32. Thick as Thieves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore mistakes, sorry. No edits this time around. I'll probably be doing a double post tonight so expect another chapter in a few hours. I wanted to split them up so it's 2 shorter chapters. (Runs better that way. And I like to use chapter titles lol.)
> 
> Peace.

Kara dragged herself away from the window, eventually becoming too exhausted to stay awake any longer. Her anxiety and pain had burned through the last of her energy reserves, making her shaking hands become still, and her body just wither up into nothing. Crawling under the covers, it didn’t matter that the sheets were silk, or that the room was the perfect temperature, or that there was the slightest wash of vanilla drifting to her senses. Kara didn’t care about any of that. 

She just wanted Mon-El. 

 

*

“SHIT. Get inside!” Mon-El began shoving Lena backwards, seeing an officer on duty finally turn up in the section of the building they were in. 

“Don’t make me drop it.”

“Shhhh.”

"Ugh. Of all the people I could have been stuck in a small enclosed space with, it had to be you."

Mike put his hand over Lena’s mouth so she would shut the hell up, giving her his best ‘you asked for it’ look. When he heard the footfalls outside dull into nothing, he released her, feeling Lena swatting him away fiercely.

“Oh don’t get so worked up, Lena. Let it go.”

“Let what go?”

“Palmer.”

She narrowed her eyes to slits, and Mon-El could see she was gritting her teeth. “Ugh. Who are you giving this shit to, anyway? I want to keep it. Put it in a frame as a reminder that I stole it from that little nerd.”

“Little? He’s bigger than you...”

“You know what I MEAN!” 

"Give it here, I’m not letting you keep it. I have clients to keep happy.”

Lena went to pass the stolen item to Mon-El, but then kept baiting him with it, closing her fist every time he went to reach for the advanced USB drive. He crossed his arms over his chest and just stood there looking at her. If he didn’t entertain her, she would soon grow bored and give up. 

"I thought you didn’t like being stuck in here with me?” He perked up, then, seeing an opportunity. "Are we going to leave, or play stupid games? You are welcome to be stuck in a storage closet in my presence all night if that’s what you _really_ want… all you had to do was ask.” Mon-El winked.

"Fine, here. Sleep is calling me anyway." Lena gave up and passed him the stupid thing. 

“Good. Let’s get out of here.”

 

 *

 

“21B. Your testing begins now. _Rhea_.” Rhea spoke her own name to the male standing in the middle of the room, awaiting instructions in one of the Gand's new facilities – one that not even Lar knew about. Not yet. Not until Rhea could impress her husband with her completed and very secret work. It was too important, so she kept the circle small. Very small. 

“ _Rhea..._ Leader. Queen. Good. Noble.”

“Very good. Michael Gand?”

“ _Michael Gand..._ Soldier. Obedient. Loyal. Ruthless. Blood. Fighter. Protector. Honour.”

“Lar Gand…?” She asked, pursing her lips together. 

“ _Lar Gand._ King. Honour. Protect. Serve." 

“Daxam.” 

“Home. Wealth. Security.”

“Lena…Luthor…”

“ _Lena Luthor._ Threat. Cunning. Brave. Must gain trust. Must _keep_ trust. Stunning potential.”

“Excellent.” Rhea looked over at one of her scientists, a smirk playing on her lips as her expression melted into one that was rather pleased. She turned back to the male standing at attention with his hands neatly behind his back, chin up and still. 

“What about… law enforcement?”

“Enemy.”

“Commoners?”

“Disposable.”

“Civilians?”

“The same...”

"Well well well...” Rhea smiled. The power of image associations and their work with the drug Scopolamine, known more commonly by its nickname 'Devil’s Breath’, had finally started to bear fruit. Rhea had burned through many of Lillian’s men as test subjects, though none had been quite as successful as the one currently standing at attention before her. 

“Alright, tell me who you serve?”

“You, of course.” He showed no emotion as he spoke the words, just rattling off the first things that entered his mind. Rhea looked sideways at one of her scientists when blood began to drip from the corner of his eyes, but the test subject didn’t seem bothered. He didn’t seem to even notice, continuing to stand up straight and at the ready. 

Suddenly having an idea to test out, Rhea decided to go a little off book. “21B. See that man standing at the back of the room over there? Kill him.”

“WHAT?!” The observer panicked, and looked from side to side for an escape route, for some reason having just become a target. Had he done something wrong? 

The test subject just nodded promptly once, confidently walking straight towards the flustered male and grabbed him, completely calm and robotic, as he very quickly and painlessly snapped the man's neck. Dropping him to the floor, the test subject returned to stand before Rhea, letting his hands settle behind his back again like a solider – simply waiting for another command. 

“Well, that was easy. Thank you 21B, your loyalty will be rewarded. Alright, let’s go through a few more things before we finish up for the night. Tell me about House Gand…"

“ _House Gand._ Kingdom. Rule. Honour. Love. The most powerful and respected house in the region. Led by Rhea and Lar Gand, to be superseded by Michael Gand, their sole heir. My life and loyalty belongs solely to House Gand.”

“Impressive. I wasn’t aware that the human brain could be re-wired so rapidly. Such a frail thing, the human body, don’t you think?

“Yes. Human’s are weak.”

"But not you?"

“I will work my best to maximise physical strength, speed, and agility. It is a soldiers duty to be fit for service." 

“Good.” Rhea nodded her approval. “Weapons?”

“Unnecessary, but advantageous.”

"Emotions.”

"Useless.”

“Lillian Luthor?”

“ _Lillian Luthor..._ Competition. A friend when it suits. Powerful. Dangerous. Leader…. Queen. Good. Noble…” The test subject began to rattle off the associations meant to be connected only to Rhea, apparently crossing over somewhere and leaking into his impressions. 

“That is incorrect, try again. Lillian Luthor.”

“ _Lillian Luthor..._  Competition. A friend when it suits. Powerful. Dangerous. Leader. Queen. Good. Noble.” 

“ARGH!” Get rid of him. 

“But we are so close!” One of Rhea’s men tried to defend his work, 21B having been the most successful subject by far. But the woman wouldn’t have any of it. 

“Yes, and getting closer. But still a failure. Get rid of him.”

 

*

 

It had been a relatively quiet trip back to the hotel. Lena had already fallen asleep on his shoulder, barely leaning on him, but Mon-El didn’t really mind. He knew she was exhausted and had been fighting her own seething emotions all day. The woman didn’t really take well to perceived failures, and had to be the best at everything. He just moved his hand to her shoulder gently to wake her. “Lena. We’re here.”

“Already?” She stirred, and promptly came to. “Right. After you then...”

Lena pulled herself out of the car to stand out in the cold, while Mike thanked their driver and gave him a hefty tip. Why did he always do that? 

She pulled her arms tighter around herself while she waited, but bloody hell it was cold. Turning to go inside, Lena decided Mike could just catch up in a sec – she wanted to get warm.

Mon-El jogged up to Lena to join her, catching her in the foyer. “Well, I guess one out of two is better than _none_ , right?”

“You only say that because you got the success, and I got the fuck up,” she grumbled, still tense with her arms wrapped across herself. 

"Does that make us even, then?” He smiled gently, pressing the elevator button and then allowing her to step inside first. 

“Not a chance, Mike. Im still in the lead by _at least_ 673 scores.” She let a bit of a smile out, and though it was obvious Lena was disappointed, Mon-El saw she at least knew how to joke about it. Things weren’t always going to go their way, but at least they’d gotten something done today that would keep their parents appeased. 

“Guess I have a long way to go before I meet your standard then, Queen Lena,” he whispered, a joke between the two of them.

“Are you trying to butter me up, Michael Gand?” She tilted her head with amusement, feeling a bit relieved that he understood what it was like to never be good enough.

“Just trying to make you feel a little better, that’s all.”

“It’s working. Keep stroking my ego.” She laughed, and the pair stepped off the elevator when they reached the correct floor. 

“You’re the _best_. You are fucking amazing oh my gosh SO amazing. There, I said it.” He was mocking and pretending to fangirl, but there was partial truth behind the words.

“Okay, now I KNOW you are lying. Shut up and get some sleep, you goof." 

“Goodnight, Lena.”

“Night, Mike.”

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	33. What might have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part two of your double update. Again, no edits, sorry about mistakes and typos. Enjoy. xx.

"There’s my girl!!" Mon-El reached for Paris, swinging the young girl up and around in a circle, before enclosing his arms fully around her and settling her on his hip. He walked up to Kara with their little girl hugging to his side tightly, up the stone steps of the courtyard to where she was waiting for them both.

“And there’s my other girl,” Mon-El grinned and leant down to place a quick kiss to Kara’s lips, and then another to her forehead, before letting Paris play with his fingers in her small hands. 

“A parcel came today. For an _Earl Grey...”_ Kara raised her brows knowingly at her husband. _“_ Do you have to go this time?”

“A mission is a mission, _Lady Grey._ You know I have to go."

"Why do you always leave us?” Kara crossed her arms protectively over her middle, the sinking feeling in her chest growing dark, and bleeding colours of black and grey down her arms. 

“The job comes first, you know that. Loyalty before love…” He answered so simply, making her expression fall. 

“You are really going to put your JOB before your _family?” S_ he gritted her teeth, not wanting to raise her voice too much in front of their little girl.

“Can we not do this now? Please, Kara, I haven’t seen my beautiful girls in a _week_.”

“That’s exactly my point. Stop. LEAVING.”

“…Sweetheart…”

“It’s fine. Whatever.” Kara spun on her heel and went inside, leaving Mon-El to enjoy some quality time with their daughter. She watched through the window as he took her to the fountain, and sat her on his lap as he pointed to the goldfish.

“You want to know a secret, princess?”

“YES! Please tell me!” Paris tugged on his sleeve, eager and full of life. 

“Your mother can talk to the goldfish!”

“WHAT?! That’s so silly! No one can talk to garden creatures!”

“Sure they can! Shall we name them?”

“YES YES YES!!” 

“Good. Okay, well... we’ve got a little yellow one there, and a black and white one there.” He pointed to them, letting his daughter’s eyes drift along with the small fish swimming around in the large fountain.

“Why is it called a goldfish if it's black and white, Monmon?”

“Hah, I’m not sure, sweetheart. Maybe they are suppose to be gold? But they didn’t turn out like the rest of the family?” He honestly had no idea why they weren’t called something else, but would entertain her questions anyway.

“Can we name the yellow one Lemon?!”

“Lemon?! Are you sure, love? That’s kind of a silly name, isn’t it?”

“Not as silly as talking to goldfish!”

“Okay okay, Lemon it is. What about our black and white friend there?”

“Hmmm. Stripey? What about Zebra? We can call him Zebra!”

“Alright, Lemon and Zebra. I like it.”

“You do?”

“Of course,” he chuckled, pressing a light kiss into the girl’s golden hair. 

“Can we get a puppy?”

“Not today, pumpkin. You can learn to look after our little goldie friends first, okay?”

“Then I can have a puppy?!” Paris gave such a wide and delighted smile, making her cheeks even more adorable.

“…I’ll talk to your mother.” Mon-El grinned to himself, wondering how long he would be able to resist the beautiful child in his lap that had her mother’s comet blue eyes and sunshine hair. 

“Okay. ...Where is Mommy? Can we go out and pick the flowers together? Please Mon-mon, please?” She began to tug insistently on his sleeve again, reminding him that he had spent too long apart from his sweet girls.

“I hope so. Let’s go find her...”

 

*

 

“OOMPH! Hi, my darling.” Kara felt her young daughter collide with her chest as she crouched down for the incoming tackle. “What’s gotten you all excited, hmm?”

“Monmon said I can get a puppy!”

“I did NOT say that!” Mon-El gave an apologetic look down towards Kara, meeting her eyes, but found only a smirk written over her face. “…I said that I’d _talk_ to you about it,” he admonished, adoring the way his wife held so tightly and yet so gently onto their child, letting a hand stroke through her golden locks, a smile still tugging at the sides of her mouth. 

“Well my love, we will see… no promises.” Kara gave Paris a firm look to back up her words, seeing the young girl recognize she was to be patient, and accept the answer as final. The girl nodded politely in response, before perking up again.

“Can you _really_ talk to the goldfish, mommy?” 

“What?”

“Monmon said you can. I think that’s silly.”

“Yes it is silly, isn’t it, sweetheart.” Kara raised her brows at Mon-El, wondering what else he had divulged to their daughter while she had watched them interact through the window. 

“Paris was hoping we could all go out and pick some flowers together, if that’s alright with you.” Mon-El scratched his cheek lightly, not sure if he was in the doghouse or not.

“Yes, that would be lovely, don’t you think, little one?” She began to tickle Paris until she squealed and giggled, twisting around with her laughter. 

“YES YES YES! Come on mommy! I want to see the daisies! Can you make me a flower crown MonMon?! Please, pretty please?!”

“Of course, princess. Every princess needs a crown.” 

Kara melted, her heart sweeping with happiness seeing such adoration and love exisiting in her family. _Her_ family. Paris had given them both hope. A new kind of joy. And was, in a strange way, a brilliant gift only Rao could have given her. The girl's sunshine smile and rosy cheeks were the best thing in Kara’s life. And her heart became a storm of butterflies, looking between her daughter and Mon-El. 

She worried he didn’t value this as much as her. Going off, gallivanting and risking his life all because of a job he insisted was important. But, she couldn’t resist their daughter, and the opportunity to spend time with the both of them. 

Taking her daughters hand, Kara walked through the glass door out into the courtyard, turning to address Mon-El as she walked. 

“I’m afraid.” The words left her lips as through she wasn’t in control of her mouth, suddenly not making any sense.

“Of what, Kara?”

“Of _YOU_.” The picture began to melt, an illusion created by her sleeping mind. The small girl that was holding her hand evaporated into a white butterfly, and the spring air into winter snows. The ground began shaking and falling from beneath her, the beautiful vision ripped from her clutches in mere moments. 

“I don’t understand…” Mon-El seemed confused, and unaware of the changing scenery before him, harsh snow whipping at his face and the stone path crumbling around his feet. 

Until suddenly Kara was laying down under the thick shadow of trees, in the dark and the cold... Alone.

She’d never found hope. Paris wasn’t real. It was all a dream. 

 

*

Gasping, Kara shot awake, finding herself in a strange place and struggling to catch her breath. There were city lights clouded by a veil… thin drapes? And she was in a large bed, the ceiling high above her. 

She was at their hotel, remembering that she was in Star City, clutching her neck as she could barely breathe, her vision clouded by bright spots. 

“Kara?” 

She jumped at the noise, Mon-El having returned some time in the night, far closer to her than she realized without some form of coherency and vision – a mere arms length away with dishevelled hair and concerned look on his face. 

She fumbled, sliding backwards on the bed away from him. 

“Are you alright?” He pressed, but she couldn’t think. She couldn’t fucking BREATHE!

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”

“It’s _me…_ Kara, you were dreaming _._ ” He extended an arm calmly towards her. 

“GET AWAY FROM ME!!!” She scrambled away from him, falling to the floor with a thud and then pushing herself up to run away, only to be caught in Mon-El's strong arms when she passed him.

“Kara, calm down, you’re safe. It’s me… Mon-El.”

“I KNOW it’s you,” she spat, struggling viciously in his arms. “Let me GO!”

“What’s going on?” Mon-El held her in his arms as she struggled violently in his grip, refusing to become calm and thrashing about. 

“ARRGGHHHH!!!! I HATE YOU! LET ME GO, I HATE YOU!! GET OFF OF ME!”

Mon-El was so shocked, he let her go. He couldn’t move as Kara rushed to put on a sweater and jeans, reaching for a warm jacket as she bolted out the door. 

 

 

* * *


	34. Past & Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beautiful beta is feeling a bit better and back on team Lion, so we've got the goods. Enjoy the read. Special thanks to @maybetomorrow. 
> 
> Also special mention to 93 Mika for the ASTOUNDING comment on the last chapter - damn girl, you are perceptive AF. xx

 

Lena was a light sleeper – it served her well to be able to jump up at the slightest sounds or movements.

But this wasn’t exactly slight. 

_“...I HATE YOU! LET ME GO, I HATE YOU!!! GET OFF OF ME!””_

Ugh. Lena groaned and rolled out of bed, hearing what could only be a very distressed Kara coming from the adjacent room. She pulled her red coat on over her sleepwear, walking towards the door in her socks. 

Turning the handle and stepping out into the hallway, she just caught sight of the blonde slamming Mike's door shut as she took off for the stairwell, hopping over the ‘staff personnel only’ sign that would probably lead from their top floor up onto to the roof. 

Lena sighed, swiping her hair up out of her face, and pacing to Mon-El's suite to see what the hell was going on. Just as she reached it, she saw the door open again and Mike appeared in front of her. 

“Lena.”

“What happened?” She treaded carefully, not yet sure what had taken place, though she had her suspicions.

“I… I honestly don’t know.”

“You triggered her.”

“What? No! She was having a nightmare or something, I was just trying to calm her down. And then she just started screaming at me, and...”

“Okay, alright. I hear you.” Lena met his distressed gaze with sympathy, lifting her palm to stop him from explaining himself. Whether it was his fault or not, something must have set her off. Lena recognized the signs well enough.

“Did you see where she went?”

"Up onto the roof – she went to get some air. Don’t worry, she didn’t leave the building.” 

“I need to…”

“Mike.” She put her hand firmly against his chest, keeping him in place, stopping him from going after her.

“But–“

“No. Leave her be.” She continued to hold her ground. "I’ll go. It doesn’t sound like she really wants to see you right now." 

“Lena…” He growled, but she knew it wasn’t really directed at her, but instead at his own hopelessness to remedy the situation.

“Just give her a bit of space. She will be alright, she's just…”

“Broken?”

“Yes, something like that. But we both know I’ve dealt with this kind of thing before...” Lena’s eyes pierced through his, and he knew then that she was right. He had lashed out at Lena more than her fair share of times, and yet she stayed by him. 

Giving him a sympathetic nod, her hand lingered on Mon-El's shoulder a moment, before she turned and made her way to the stairwell, unhooking the chain that wasn’t meant to be crossed, before slipping up the stairs. 

 

 

*

Kara sat at the edge of the world, breathing it all in. She was already beginning to become calm again, the cold air sifting over her cheeks and the quiet of the terrain below letting her find some peace. Wrapping her arms over the metal bar in front of her, she leaned on it, staring out into the expanse as her feet dangled over the edge. She let her chin rest on it, and just breathed.

She turned when she heard the door open and someone else come out onto the roof. She was relieved to find it wasn’t Mon-El, but Lena. The brunette seemed a lot less threatening in grey sweats and socks, though she still had her infamous red coat over her shoulders to protect her from the weather. 

Kara just turned back, ignoring the other woman’s approach as she took in the city lights. 

“Are you alright, Kara?”

“Why do you care?”

Lena sat next to her, copying Kara's position, with her arms leaning atop the metal bar and her feet over the edge, just staring out over Star City. “You’d be surprised.”

“Oh? And why’s that?” Kara muttered bitterly, but also a little curious. 

“Well...Mike, he used to have these um… episodes. He would lose his sense of reality and panic. His mother, she used to beat him to a pulp. I know it’s not the same. But, sometimes he would think I was her.” Lena turned to find Kara’s eyes still glued to the buildings and lowly blue of the city at night. “...He struggled with nightmares for a long while, but he was pretty young. He would just react. Held a knife to my throat once… that was fun..” Lena just shrugged, not a hint of sarcasm in her voice. She actually sounded almost… empathetic.

“And you helped him?”

“Sort of. Emotional trauma isn’t exactly… straightforward to deal with.”

“But, you actually.. helped him?"

“I was there for him. It was enough.” She shrugged again. 

“Because you never left.”

“I suppose so. Even when things got rough there for a while. I could take it.”

“Right.”

“Mike… he can take it, you know. He can take a lot, actually. He won’t leave you."

“You don’t know that.”

“Well. The idiot brought you along while he was working a job, and he never prioritizes people over his work. But he did this weekend. He did it for you.” 

“I’m scared of him, Lena."

“He would never hurt you, Kara. I’ve known him my entire life. He wouldn’t ever lay a hand on you.”

“It's not that. I just. He keeps… doing things.. that remind me of.. my… my master.”

“Your…. master?” Lena deadpanned. Holy shit. It was just as intense as Lena predicted, but to hear it out loud was another thing entirely. 

“I was 12 when he took me home. Was with him until… Mo—Mike.”

"That’s where all your scars came from?"

“Yes." 

"And your wrist. He broke it on purpose?"

"How did you…?"

"You hold it differently, I can see the damage. I noticed the first time I saw you – the day you shot Mike."

"I’d really like everyone to stop bringing that up." 

"Sorry. I can be a little blunt."

"Yeah, I’ve noticed." 

Lena chuckled, knowing she came across as quite the ruthless bitch to more than a few people. She quit looking at Kara so as to not make her uncomfortable, instead shifting her gaze to the horizon. "So... What triggered you, exactly?"

"Lots of things, I guess. They just all. Get too…"

“Overwhelming?"

“Yeah."

“...Mike seemed to think you were having a nightmare?"

"No. It was wonderful."

“I'm sorry, I don’t understand?"

"I wasn’t having a nightmare. Well. Not really. I was dreaming. About... what might have been. If I wasn't. If… things weren’t…"

“It's okay. Sometimes it's hard to explain. You don’t have to."

"I don’t know how to stop."

"Stop what?” Lena couldn’t help but look curiously at the distressed girl next to her, who was gripping her palm tightly and clawing at her skin while she talked. 

"Being this way."

"Volatile, emotionally oversensitive, fearful, anxious, timid, wracked with incomprehensible pain…"

"How do you…"

"Lucky guess? No, okay. It's trauma, Kara. It's not your fault."

"It is."

"Listen to me. This is _not_ your fault.” 

Kara didn’t answer straight away, but instead drew her knees to her chest, attempting to hold herself together. “I. I don't want to be like this anymore." 

"It won’t be forever." 

"How do you know?"

"Look at Mike. Okay, granted, not the best example, he’s still a little volatile. But he's not living scared anymore. He doesn't fear a thing. Well... except one."

“And what’s that?"

"…Losing you." 

  

*

 

Lena eventually gave up her coat and put it over Kara’s shoulders, guiding the very cold and very tired girl back down the stairwell to get some rest. She watched as Kara’s shoulders deflated, hovering in front of Mike’s door – not wanting to go inside. 

“How about you just sleep the rest of the night in my room, yeah?” Lena nodded her head at the door down the hall a bit, waiting for Kara to walk in front of her. 

Closing her door quietly, she remembered she would have to tell Mike and let him know Kara was alright, but she needed to let the girl sleep first. It was what, 4am? Maybe later? She didn’t really care what time it was, deciding to fetch a dainty glass and pour just enough wine in it to help Kara get to sleep.  

“Here.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Drink. You will sleep better. Trust me.”

Kara took the offered glass, raising to her lips and finding the wine to be surprisingly sweet. She managed to drink it, already barely able to stand from exhaustion, as Lena gently pried the glass from her grip and led her over to the bed.

“…But..” 

“Kara, I’ve lived in luxury my entire life. Take the bed.”

“So… You and Mike are close right?” Kara asked as she gently draped Lena’s coat over the dresser.

“Yes, but it’s not like that. Don’t worry, he’s like a brother to me.”

“Ew, you slept with your brother?”

“He told you about that?! Gods, don’t remind me.”

Kara cracked the tiniest of smiles, a little woozy from the wine. 

“Alright you, don’t get too cheeky. Go on, get some sleep.”

Kara crawled into the bed, finding Lena’s scent a little soothing. Was that weird? It was like citrus. But lighter. Her arms started to feel heavy as she settled and started to sink into the softness around her. 

“I’m not tucking you in. See you in the morning.”

…

She was actually drifting off. Maybe Lena wasn’t _so_ bad.

 

*

 

“Where is she?!” Mike was sitting on the lounge suite with Kara’s book in his lap, staring at it and looking a little worse for wear.

“Asleep. Let her rest.”

“So she’s okay?”

“I’m not sure _okay_ is the correct way to put it, after what that girl has been through. But yes, for now, she will be alright.”

“She talked to you?”

“I’m just as surprised as you are.” Lena drifted over to the seat and plopped down next to Mike, leaning back and closing her eyes.

“What did she say?”

“Did you know she used to have someone that she called... her master?”

“I got the impression. He was the bastard I shot.”

“So, he was one of Rhea’s. That’s not going to sit well with her when she finds out who you really are…"

“FUCK. I didn’t even  _think_  about that. I can’t deal with this shit right now!”

“She will find out, eventually.”

“How do I tell her that the person who kept her locked up for sex, used to work for me? I just… FUCK, Lena.”

“Wait, what? How do you know he used her for …that.”

“Well, he didn’t just beat her.”

“And you know this because she told you?”

“In one way or another…”

“Alright, quit being cryptic.”

“She um… does this thing. She kinda. Comes onto me? Like... like it will earn her brownie points with me or something. Like she wants to serve me.”

“Fuck, well she certainly picked the wrong person to try that with.”

“LENA!”

“Oh please, you wouldn’t fuck her if she asked.”

“Well… you’re not wrong…”

“She didn’t!”

“Oh, but she did. Just completely out of nowhere."

"Bloody hell."

"I don't know what to do when she gets like that. It's..."

"She's attractive, and you're getting too attached emotionally, and she's hard to resist..."

"Dammit, Lena! Get out of my head!"

"Right, sorry.”  

“If I deny her, she gets upset. But I don’t want to use her like her ‘master’ did or whatever. That’s disgusting.”

“She may have mentioned something about that, actually. That... you keep doing things that remind her of him.”

“What?! I WOULD NEVER!”

“Okay, okay. But it’s what she said. And. I know it’s not what you want to hear. But, you won’t know the things you are doing that accidentally trigger her if you don’t _talk_ to her about what happened.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to put her through that.”

“She’s already going through it, Mike. Hell, she talked to me after 3 seconds and she doesn’t even KNOW me. Just listen to her. If it’s too painful for her, she will let you know by just not speaking about it. But if she’s willing, you might like to try giving her the opportunity to share.”

“…What if it’s… too painful for _me_ to hear?”

“Then suck it up. She needs this, Mike. She needs you.”

“I thought you didn’t like her.”

“I don’t.”

Mike raised his brows at Lena, knowing that she had just let a complete and utter lie leave her mouth.

“FINE. Fine. I _might_ have a soft spot for a girl that reminds me of a certain terrified 11-year-old boy. One that got beat to shit by his own mother.”

“So you like her.”

“I do not!”

“Thank you, Lena.”

“Don’t mention it. Oh, and also, try not to tell anyone else that we slept together, hmm? It’s fucking embarrassing to be reminded of that.”

“She didn’t…”

“Oh, but she did.” 

 

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side Note. For tumblr users, ignore this if you don't visit sweet-karamel. 
> 
> For those that follow sweet-karamel for updates, my blog is now locked, as I have finally left the disgusting toxic and embarrassing place that is the Supergirl fandom. (Yeah, don't bring it up in the comments.) But if you want access to my sweet-karamel blog at any point, the password to access it for the privileged few is: earlgrey_motherfuckers (yes, its Mike Gand's internet password lol.)
> 
> I'll be posting my aesthetics there and to the chapters, as well as a few of my original works, gifs, ideas, artworks or fic updates, so you are welcome to check in from time to time, and you are welcome to download anything and re-upload to the tags if you wish it, since you will be unable to reblog. I have no interest in participating in the (public) fandom any longer. I'll be enjoying my show in peace come S3. If you want to be able to message me still, I have sent a few people messages from the blog I actually use. If you want it, ask my beta @karadanversprince on tumblr. (It's got nothing to do with SG tho.)


	35. Books.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small reminder that this fic is rated E. Incase you'd forgotten.

 

 

 

_She was only 12 the day her master took her home. Kept locked in a room, Kara was fretful at all times. She shied away from the slightest of noises, terrified when she would hear that HE was home, b_ e _cause it meant he could open her door at any time and force himself on her. She was burdened by constant dread._

_But when she was alone, things were almost okay. Kara read books. Lots of them._

_Taking in everything from science, to fantasy, to autobiographies (which were far too advanced reading for her to really process at the time), Kara had read what was available to her, and when she finally ran out of books, she took them all and read them again._

_Maybe that’s why she had still developed a considerable amount of intelligence, though her social skills were incredibly poor. She would read and get lost and read some more. She loved books – always had._

_But as she got older the nature of her relationship with her master somewhat… developed. She was already bound to him, and had been with him for so long, she would never think of leaving. His room became her room, and nights were spent willingly by his side. She had learned how to keep him appeased, mostly knew how to tame him, and, unless he was drunk - which seemed to cause his rage - she found her place. He was her master, and she was his. She was submitted to him completely and without question, as if her life was natural and normal._

_“Could you pass me that shirt there, kitten?”_

_Kara held the white sheet to her chest as she leaned over and picked up the garment, her master having just walked out of the bathroom with damp hair and a towel wrapped around his waist. He moved to the walk-in wardrobe and flicked the light on, taking out a pair of pressed dress pants and a jacket. He also selected a tie, before coming back out and draping the pieces of clothing over a chair._

_Picking up a comb, he quickly smoothed it through his hair, and Kara watched as he put the wooden piece neatly down on the dresser. Her master titled his head to the side as he felt the stubble around his jaw for a moment, inspecting his face, before catching sight of Kara’s gaze in the mirror._

_“Come.”_

_Kara slipped from the bed the moment he prompted her, not bothering to put on any clothing. She knew the routine well enough, and was just waiting for him to command it._

 

_Drifting over to him, she gently kneeled before him and let her hands rest politely in her lap, silent and calm._

_“Good. That’s my girl."_

_She heard the towel unravel, dropping to the floor as she wet her lips with tongue lightly, before taking him in her mouth like she so often did. Many mornings were spent like this one, though, this morning he was more gentle than usual. Her skill was rewarded with kindness, as she coaxed him towards bliss and satiated his desires for pleasure, ignoring his grunts and the feeling of his hand in her hair. She wasn’t with him, she was somewhere else entirely._

_Finally having learnt the art of disconnect that would have served her well in her younger years, she was now well versed in it, barely aware of going through the motions, and her talent for making her master's knees weak._

_When they were done, he stroked her cheek lightly, but she knew to remain kneeling until he had left for work, just as always. After he had dressed, her master rewarded her with a kiss on the forehead, a faint smile rounding as he reached for the door._

_“I'll see you tonight, kitten."_

_“Yes, master." She nodded gently, and when he was gone, moved to the gorgeous bathroom, letting the steam fill her senses to subdue any lingering vexations._

_Kara then returned to her love of books, one of the only things that kept her sane and her mind busy during the long days. They held fantasy worlds that she herself would enter, fading into distant lands._

_She would ride a polar bear across the Arctic, bow and arrow in hand. There was the time she went to a beautiful underwater city, and another, when she galloped across the great grass sea._ _Lacking any heart of her own, Kara wandered among other worlds, and became someone else for a time._

 

*

 

 

"I thought we could just make one more stop before we head back.” Mon-El came to a halt in front of a bookstore, looking across to Kara and nodding at the door. Lena had gone ahead to grab them coffees. 

“You seem to enjoy reading just as much as I do?” Mon-El hoped he could maybe make up for last night by giving her something she seemed to love, and maybe also a distraction from whatever was upsetting her.  

“I... Yes, I love books.” Kara rubbed the inside of her hand obsessively, while chewing on the inside of her cheek. He tried to ignore it, seeing that she was still on edge. 

“Good, well, I do have plenty at home, but I’d like you to be able to pick out your own.” He opened the door for her and held his arm up, gesturing for her to lead the way.

The earthy smell of fresh paper and ink reminded Mon-El of the times he used to escape to the library in order to avoid his mother, and a few times he and Lena had been kicked out for trying to hide and stay there overnight. A lingering smile pulled Mon-El out of the present and into a small nostalgic moment, before he bumped into Kara who had stopped.

“Shit, sorry, I zoned out there for a sec.”

“It’s fine.” Kara fiddled about, and began looking at her feet. 

“See something you like?”

“I...I don’t really know.”

“Well, what do you like to read?”

“Anything. Everything. I’ve never really had to make choices before.”

“Oh.” Mon-El realized she was talking about how she expected _him_ to take responsibility for her, and that she would always read what he specifically gave to her. He noticed Kara's distress as she grew increasingly nervous about having to decide for herself what she wanted. 

“Well. Let’s pick a genre, and maybe go from there? I can make a few recommendations if you like. Though, sometimes I honestly just pick a book purely for its cover art.”

“I mean. I like... things that are... fantasy. I think.” Her voice was quiet as she tried to piece together what to say.

“Okay. Well, I think by the looks of it, fiction is over there. Maybe you can even just pick one you like because the cover is pretty?" 

“Whatever happened to don’t judge a book by its cover...”

“A good metaphor to apply to people. But I’ve found a terrible consideration to apply to actual books. I can’t really judge a decent book by its summary or even its prologue if I’m completely honest. Some books are just shit. But I read them anyway.”

“…me too.”

“Well, sounds like we can’t really go wrong then. Go on.”

Kara roamed through the rows of novels and neatly stacked books, stoppimg in front of him again, carefully pulling one off a shelf as if mesmerized.

“Merchant of Venice. I can always go for a bit of Shakespeare. Would you like to read that?”

“No, I just... I’ve already read it. It looks exactly the same. It was the first book I read when I was with…” She didn’t manage to finish her sentence, before closing her mouth and letting her hand soothe over the hard cover.

“You managed to read that?”

“Not really. I didn’t understand the Old English when I was that young.”

“Do you want to give it another go?”

“Not particularly,” she muttered, putting the book back in its place, and Mon-El watched as half of the energy in Kara seemed to rush out of her body.

“He let you read books, then?”

“Who.”

“You know who, Kara. I do listen to what you tell me, I can occasionally put some of the pieces together…”

Her shoulders crumpled a bit before she answered. “Yes. He let me read books.”

"But. When I found you..."

"That was different. I.... I ruined everything. After he... I... I tried to escape. After that, things were different."

“So, no books…"

"No. No books."

“I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“It’s oka–“

They were both interrupted by a fierce tapping sound on the glass, Lena gesturing to the coffees in her hand. “OI, YOU TWO! Get a move on, while your coffee is still hot.”

“Just a minute, Lena.” He turned back to Kara to encourage her. “Anything you like. You can take your time. Don’t worry about her.” Mon-El gave a slight sarcastic smile through the window, rolling his eyes when Lena tapped her watch. Waiting wasn't gonna kill her, flip, she had no sense of patience. 

He wasn’t too surprised when Kara's eyes starting to linger on a hardback overlaid with wildflowers – dainty sketches with hints of gold in the leaves. She didn’t bother reading the summary either, and seemed to have just picked it for the art, like he had said he so often did. 

“Let’s see how it turns out, hmmm? You can tell me about it when you’ve finished reading.”

“I’d like that…”

“OI! GET A MOVE ON, KIDS!”

“Guess we better hop to it before this one explodes, huh?” He sent Kara a small wink and she cracked a little smile in return. Moving to pay for the book, Mon-El then handed her the small brownpaper bag, before they rejoined Lena and he called for a car.

“You drink coffee right, Kara?” Lena handed her the paper cup and she took it willingly, even if the bitterness was a bit sharp on her senses. 

“LENA! YOU STOLE MY MARSHMALLOW!” 

“No I didn’t, it didn’t come with one…”

“THEIF!”

“Okay, okay. But isn’t that why you brought me along…?” Lena's smile grew wide, pretty pleased with her hot drink and getting to eat all three marshmellows. (It was their loss. Snooze you lose.)

“Shut up… let’s go."

 

**


	36. Home.

 

“Bloody hell, Lena. How much coffee did you give her?!”

“A normal amount…”

“A normal amount for you? Or for a person who has clearly never been exposed to large amounts of caffeine…”

“Sorry… I just.” she shrugged, but was beginning to realize her huge mistake, seeing Mike facepalm as Kara bounced her legs obsessively and would NOT STOP TALKING. 

“Does your face always look like that, Lena? I mean, it’s pretty and all, your face I mean, but like, the frowny thing? You always do the scary, frowny thing, even when you aren’t really that upset. Unless you _are_ upset and you just pretend not to be. Which is totally a thing. But you don’t really seem like the kind of person to really get bothered by all that much – since you are confident and brilliant and beautiful, and like, super intelligent. I’m sorry if that’s assuming, I would never want to just assume that you don’t feel upset sometimes. But what in the world would you have to be upset about when you have everything going for you? Still. You look scary."

Mon-El could see that Lena was getting more than slightly annoyed, and he had to try not to laugh at her expression, which was somewhere between surprised and infuriated. “It’s called a resting bitch face, and yes, Lena does always have it. Don’t point it out, though. She will get her knife out…” He grinned, seeing the brunette’s jaw clench.

“Sorry. I won’t mention it.” Kara ran her fingers over her chin a lot and bit a few times at her fingernails. "...Speaking of knives, when are you going to teach me to use a knife Mo-Mike? Like, properly. You’ve only shown me once, and that was it. Are you going to teach me to be like you?" 

“He’s NOT going to do that.” Lena gave a firm stare in his direction, wondering why the hell he would let Kara anywhere near a knife, when the last time she had a weapon she had shot him with it.

“We will talk about it, Kara. When you’ve calmed down a bit. Is that okay?”

“No. We have an hour now. Why won’t you just talk to me about it now?”

Lena gripped her skull at either side and started to massage circles slowly with her thumbs. Never. Again. Small blonde girls and coffee do not mix. Got it. 

“Lena doesn’t approve. That’s why.”

“Is that really why? Or are you just avoiding the problem like you always do,” she challenged. 

“What’s that suppose to mean?!” Mon-El suddenly gapped, and it was Lena’s turn to be amused. 

“Oh, I don’t approve. But good spotting, Mike’s got a complex for avoidance.”

“Shut up Lena!”

“Tell your _girl_ to shut up. I can’t hear myself THINK!”

“She’s NOT my girl. And _you_ are the one that gave her too much coffee!”

“Jeepers, calm down.” Kara interrupted them, not really understanding what was such a problem with her talking when she never really did that. They had nothing better to do on the jet than talk about things anyway. Did they not really like talking about the ocean and how wonderful chocolate pecan pie was? It was the best dessert on the planet. Literally.

“US CALM DOWN?” Both Mon-El and Lena barked at her at the same time, making Kara sink back into her seat, trying to become small, realizing she was once again being rejected. She was still bouncing her left leg, unable to stop the seething agitation that was growing in her muscles and making her impulsive. But clearly the other two didn’t like it when she talked.

“I’m sorry. I’ll... be quiet.”

“You don’t ha–“

“THANK YOU!” Lena cut off Mon-El, and Kara took the woman’s serious tone as final. She didn’t really want to start an argument anyway – the two of them seemed to constantly be going at it and getting into small fights over pretty much anything. UGH, WHY DID IT FEEL LIKE HER FINGERS WERE TWITCHING! She had more energy than she knew what to do with, and her brain was going a million miles a minute. Everything was too fast. So many thoughts, so much noise racing through her it was almost painful to sit still and shut up. 

“Why don’t you try reading your new book?” Mon-El suggested she occupy her energy elsewhere, even though it was interesting to finally hear some of the random and unfiltered things Kara was saying.

“I can’t.”

“How come?”

“I can’t concentrate.”

“I’m sorry about that. Lena has a tendency to start her day with a triple shot. I don’t think I’ve ever given you a real coffee before.”

“Yes you have.”

“No like, REAL coffee. A light mocha hardly counts.”

“I can’t sit still. It hurts.”

“The tapping will help, just keep doing that. I know it's uncomfortable, but we will be home soon.”

_Home._  UGH! DAMN HIM FOR MENTIONING SUCH A HIDEOUS CONCEPT. She didn’t have a home. Such an ugly and useless word. Home. Family. Love. FUCK IT ALL. Her growing anger seeped from her twitching fingers down her wrists and she had to try really hard not to stomp her foot against the floor. 

“Then will you teach me to use a knife again?”

 

*

 

Kara was sitting in the car tapping on the windowsill with her fingers so loudly Mon-El could hear her, even from the tarmac away from the vehicle. She needed a good run around.

“What are you smirking at?” Lena quirked her eyebrow up a little, cocking her head to the side at him.

“Nothing.” He released the image of Kara bouncing around the Sanctuary Gardens, thinking that if he HAD given her coffee, she probably would have spent the entire time there squealing. Crossing his arms, he brought his mind back to the present, turning serious.

“I’ll be handing the software over to Rhea tonight, so that she can release it to our client. But I’ll make sure you are well paid for your help. I’m sorry that… the other thing didn’t go so well."

Lena just shrugged, completely in denial about what he _knew_ she was going to consider a stain to her record. “It’s fine. Plenty more opportunities in future, I suppose.” She crossed her arms, contradicting her words with her staunch body language. But she didn’t like to show when she was upset, and for once, he didn’t hassle her about it. She continued to speak as if nothing was wrong, all business. “I’ll drop the Saturn by when I pick up my payment. Should I call Rhea myself, or do you want to let her know when you see her?”

“Wait… really? You are actually giving us the Saturn?”

“I’m not GIVING it to you. It’s a business deal. I have no use for it, and if it’s worth as much as you say it is, I could use a bit of side cash to buy some more men… you know, before Lillian gets on my arse and starts blaming me for the downfall of our company?”

“I think you are getting a little ahead of yourself, Lena. It’s just a small blip to people like us. A few men disappearing isn’t going to bring down literally one of the richest and most well-connected families to exist.”

“Still. I’d rather play it safe for now. Keeping Lillian AND Rhea happy is a total win win for me. I’ve got mega brownie points with your mother and you know it.”

“Ugh, she fucking adores you. I can’t understand why,” he teased.

“That’s why. You're such a prick!” Lena started to move to the waiting car now that they had gotten business out of the way, and Mike walked slowly next to her.

“Well I'll tell Rhea she can expect it. Just give her a call whenever suits you.” He put a hand on her arm to stop her for just another moment, before they would be within earshot of the car. "I just wanted to thank you for.. the other things.”

“Oh?”

“I know you didn’t appreciate me bringing Kara along. But you uhhh.. you know.” He shrugged and it was all he wanted to say at that point. Being open wasn’t exactly his strong suit.

“You are in deeper than you know, Mike. The sooner you realize that.. the better off you’ll be.”

“Huh?”

“UGH! MALES!” Lena threw her hands up and stomped the rest of her way to the car. She wasn’t going to spell it out for that idiot boy. He could work out his shit on his own, for Rao’s sake. 

Mon-El wasn’t sure what had just happened, (again), but he was starting to get used to the feeling. Women were confusing as hell. He resorted to shrugging it off and went around the far side of the car to hop in, seeing that Lena had taken the front seat already. 

When he closed the door, Kara was humming. 

“Are you…?”

“What…? No. I wasn’t doing anything,” she stammered and continued to rub the inside of her palm like she was trying to get a stain out from under her skin.

“I think you’d better stick to tea and hot cocoa for now. Coffee doesn’t agree with you.”

She just nodded her agreement, moving her gaze to stare out the window.  

 

*

 

“So. How’d everything go?” Rhea was sitting at her desk upstairs when he found her, after knocking politely on the doorframe. 

“It went well. Lena helped more than I planned. You’ll need to give her a bonus.”

“That’s fine.” She looked up and dropped her pen, motioning for him to come into the room.

“Where’s father?” Mon-El didn’t see him when he entered the house, only seeing a few guards and their chef downstairs making dinner for the two of them. He was surprised to see Rhea reach down to get a small glass from her desk, setting it next to her own and pouring him a scotch without even asking.  

“Out I suppose, probably checking in on our latest drug run. Came in this morning. Drink?”

“Oh, things are going well for you then. Thanks.” He took the glass and a small swig, remembering to drink slowly in front of her. 

“For us, you mean?” Rhea looked at her son quizzically, as he removed the device from his inside jacket pocket and laid it on her desk.

“Of course. But you _are_ the head of our household and business. I simply meant that you should be well pleased with how things are running, Mother.”

“Ah. Yes, well, the Gand’s reputation is rather phenomenal. You should be proud.”

He nodded once, almost a bow in her direction, showing his agreement. “There’s something else, actually.”

“And what’s that?” Rhea’s eyes pierced him and he could see she was already expecting bad news. Really? Was she that ready to be so disappointed in him, even after a smooth and successful mission?

“Lena will be bringing the Saturn by. She will give you a call, but I thought I’d let you know that we decided on a 50/50 split.”

“How generous. They couldn’t find a buyer? I thought Lillian was more competent that that.”

“They know what it’s worth, that’s the reason they stole it, Mother. But we ARE aligned, are we not?” He chose his words carefully, trying to read if Lena’s suspicions were as unwarranted as he thought. Or if perhaps, Lena was right not to trust Rhea.

“Of course! I’ll have to invite Lillian over to celebrate. Lena, too. It’s been a while since the Gand’s have thrown a decent party. It’s about time we had some fun after all our hard work. You’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you, Michael?”

She was rewarding him?! Oh. He was completely off track with his suspicions. A party? She knew what he got up to at their parties and he couldn’t believe she would suddenly suggest such a thing. Though, the Gand’s did throw probably the best ones in the entire continent. 

“That would be stellar,” he grinned, already thinking of how Eve was going to be jumping at the opportunity to do some event planning. “Eve would love to plan it for you, I’m sure.”

“Would you like me to take care of it? Or would you like to have some fun with it? Unlimited budget, of course. Seems right up your alley.”

“I think parties are more my strong suit than yours, Mother” he chuckled and gave her a wink, and she just rolled her eyes in return, going back to her work. But she was actually… smiling. He was stoked.

“Oh, and Michael?”

Mon-El turned around, wondering what other missions she had for him.

“Take the week off. You deserve it." 

 

*

It was late when Mon-El finally pulled up on his motorbike and killed the engine, hoping the low roar wouldn’t wake Kara. Pulling off his helmet, he felt… good. Rhea was happy with him for once, and he had the week off! To spend with Kara. Perhaps they could do some more exploring and get out of the house, now that she had seen Star City, introducing her to more of the outside world might be a little easier for her. He smiled as he put the key in the door and opened it to find that Kara was sound asleep.. but not in her bed. She was sprawled out on the couch with about 7 drawings and paintings messily arranged on his coffee table, a few glasses of paint water with the bushes still in them, and some flowers sitting in her lap. She had really gone to town while she was hyped up on her coffee, and had now crashed.

He put his bike helmet down on the table next to the door and wandered over to feed Duke, before starting to collect up some of Kara’s mess. She had even stolen a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom, to use to swipe her paintbrushes on while she worked, keeping the delicate colour choices from mixing together and tainting her meticulous art. Gathering up what he could, Mon-El chucked some of the remnants of her little art fest in the bin, and washed out the glasses and paintbrushes for her, setting them down to dry on the counter. She was clearly out of it, completely exhausted after coming down off the caffeine.

He silently removed the flowers she had collected, taking them off her lap and settling them down on the table. He then took the throw rug he kept folded on the couch and draped it over her, before moving back to the kitchen.

Opening the fridge, he saw that after their weekend away, he was in need of a trip to the store. He settled on taking out the brie and opening up the pantry for some crackers – not exactly dinner worthy, but he had been busy and wasn’t terribly hungry. He tossed up between going to the 24-hour store, or going to get food in the morning, knowing that if Kara was asleep it wouldn’t really matter if he dashed out to run another errand. 

He mused over it while he took a knife out and sliced a decent chunk off the cheese, plopping it in his mouth with one of the crackers, when the loud crunch made Kara stir. She sat up, taking the blanket with her, and blinked a few times.

“Sorry. Haven’t eaten dinner,” he mumbled through his chewing, and scooped up the food to take over to the couch. “Did you get something?”

She shook her head, and he felt guilty that she probably hadn’t eaten because he wasn’t there to make something for her. 

“Here, have some of this. Sorry about that, work as usual. But good news, I have the week off, so I won’t be busy at all for a few days.”

“Really?” her eyes sparkled as she looked up at him, and he saw her eyes flicker to the food before back at him, chewing on her lip lightly.

“Eat, Kara. I know it's not proper dinner, but you ARE allowed. You can help yourself to anything in this house. You know that, right?”

“Uhm. Yeah. I know that.” She took a cracker and chunk of brie to prove her point, but was slow and reluctant to ease it into her mouth. 

“Also. Uhm. Is it… okay if we talk?” 

She stopped chewing, her eyes losing their sparkle as they widened a little in fear.

“Sorry! I know that sounds…. like it means something bad. It’s not. Not… really. I just. We need to talk about what happened.” He watched as she swallowed and looked down at the rug on her lap, suddenly fascinated with its fibres.

"What happened?” Surely she knew exactly what he was talking about, but was nervous about it and would probably avoid it if he let her.

"You scared me, Kara. I… you know I care about you, right?

"I guess.” She just played with the soft furs on the rug, moving it about with her fingers while looking down and avoiding him.

"So. Could you maybe understand how I might have been a bit confused and… worried about you… when you started shouting at me?” He was gentle, but trying to be direct. That’s what Lena had meant right? To talk to her about it. 

“I'm sorry,” she mumbled. 

"It’s okay. I’m not offended. I’m just concerned, Kara. You seemed pretty certain that you hated me."

“I…"

“Do you? Hate me, I mean.”

“Uhm…”

“I was kinda hoping you would say no. But if you do and are just reluctant to tell me the truth… “

“I don’t… it’s… you wouldn’t understand.” She shook her head, deflated, letting her shoulders sink.

“Try me. I’m not going to hurt you, or raise my voice at you. Just… try…”

“Fine. I don’t hate you. And I do.”

“What?”

“See. I told you that you wouldn’t understand.”

“Well, it doesn’t make any sense.”

“It does to me.”

“Could you try explain it, then? If you hate me, why are you even here?”

“Because I don’t hate you.”

“But you just said–”

“I KNOW WHAT I SAID! I said you wouldn’t understand. And you don’t! No one does.” She grumbled, and Mon-El couldn’t really grasp the sudden movements of her mood from calm to hopelessly upset.

“Is it because of him? Lena… might have said something.. that…I do things that remind you of him.”

“It’s not just that. You’re nothing like him.”

“Then why…”

“BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF! I HATE MY LIFE. I HAVE NOTHING. I’ll always BE nothing. It’s not even about you. It’s me. I will never be or have anything and I’ll never amount to anything. I learned it a long time ago.”

“Huh…?” He was still confused, but remained calm as she raised her voice again, trying to communicate deep hurts and mindsets that he just couldn’t wrap his mind around.

“This. Everything. You. You are everything I can never have. You have a life. A job. Parents. You walk into a room and everyone bows to you because you are confident and charming and utterly gorgeous. You’re strong and no one can touch you. I’m weak. I’m nothing. I have nothing.”

“So. Wait… You’re... jealous of me?”

“NO! I don’t want to _be_ you. I just. I’m 23, Mon-El. And I’m barely existing. I sit like a forgotten painting on the wall. As if my only purpose is to be looked at or ignored. I have nothing to offer. No purpose other than to be admired and fucked at will. Until you. And now even _those_ things don’t have any value to you. Whatever value I had with my master is gone. Now I’m just nothing.”

“You’re not nothing, Kara. You’re talented, and I know you have a curious and intelligent mind. Even if you’re not in a place right now to show it.”

“I’m weak.”

“I highly doubt someone could have survived everything you have gone though if they were _weak.”_

She just huffed, returning to silence.

“You’ve never really had the opportunity to have things – to have desires or goals or ‘make something of yourself’. I can see how that might make you believe you’ll never have that opportunity. But you do now. Things can change. They already are.”

“How.”

“Well. You’re talking to me. That’s new. And you’re seeing a bit more of the outside world. Would you like to see more of it?”

“…uhm. Yeah.”

“Well. I’ve got the week off. So. Have a think about what you’d like to do or see. And I’ll make it happen. Okay?”

“Why are you helping me?”

“… I… uhm. I want to.” He settled for the only answer that made sense. And she didn’t press him on it. She just nodded and accepted it. “Are we okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. Well, I’m going to get some sleep, and you’re welcome to help yourself to anything you’d like to eat or drink before you head to bed. If you want to.”

“Thanks.”

He left her to her thoughts, and heard her huff a little bit again as her head hit the back of the couch. It wasn’t quite what he expected, hearing all she had revealed to him so far. But he would learn with her, he supposed. They could work it all out eventually. Together. 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I hope you don't take Kara at her word. Her thinking and behavioural issues are extremely complex, and couldn't be covered or communicated in one conversation. Id be surprised if she even understood her own psyche at this point, but you'll get more understand of her deep rooted belief systems, complexities, disorderly thinking and emotional trauma as we go. Her lashing out at Mon was a pretty revealing feature – but the behaviours are easier for a reader and writer to understand than the character undergoing them. So what was said here only really scratches the surface of everything she's going through that makes her lash out. Anyway. Small rant over.
> 
> Again, apologies for the longest gap in my updates so far... if you haven't figured out by now, I have huge mental illness problems and sometimes just go awol from my writing. I'll be trying to update a little more regularly for you.
> 
> Special shout out to Bilge Cakes cs I love you, and my superbeta maybetommorow for being stellar.


	37. Dukara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My superbeta @maybetomorrow is a gem!! Love her. Eeeeek. Shout out to my names queen Carrisssssaaa and ofcourse Bilge for loving Dukara as much as I do. xo

*

 

Mon-El had gone to sleep, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She flicked the light off, but never made it to her room. Instead, she took her glass of water to the staircase and sat down.

"You should be sleeping, Kara.” Duke spoke and she rolled her eyes.

"Shut up, Duke."

"Well I would, but I’m not really talking, remember? You are."

"Fine. Shut up, stupid brain that is completely fucked."

"Okay. I can see you are upset. Do you wanna talk about it…?” He was gentle and soothing with his words, surprisingly.

“No."

"And yet. Here we are, conversing…"

“You’re a stupid little fish in a stupid little fishbowl, you know that?!"

"Resorting to lashing out again, I see…"

“Well.... Ugh!” Kara huffed, infuriated.

"Why did you do that. Really…?"

"I don’t know."

"You sort of know."

"I told him why."

"Not all of it."

"Fine. You tell me, since you seem to know so much, Duke."

"Then will you admit it to yourself?"

"Isn’t my talking to you, by very definition, admitting it to myself?” She could feel her mood deflating, and she was too tired to be polite.

"Hmmm. Probably,” he responded.

"I hate how he makes me feel." She finally admitted. Why would the fish care anyway. "...I'm scared he will leave me. And it hurts, Duke, it HURTS. Whenever he leaves me alone for more that 5 minutes, it….I just... I'm alone. I’ll always be alone."

"And you don't like that…"

"Home. Family. Love. FUCK IT ALL, OKAY? I HATE IT ALL."

“Why?”

“Because they are disgusting, stupid things. I hate them."

“…because, they are things you will never have?” Duke was right up next to the glass, looking at her.

“No…” She tried to deny it. But how could she argue with herself?

"And he makes you want them… the very things you think you’ll never have."

"YES! Okay? Rao, yes! Fine! You fucking WIN. Just stop talking!!"

"Getting angry isn’t going to make you want them less."

"BUT IT HURTS, DUKE! Please. Stop! At least by hating it, I don’t have to want it."

"Is that what you really want, Kara?"

“Does it matter? I’ll always just be a stupid little fish in a stupid little fishbowl.”

“What do you want to be?”

“A lioness. Like… like Lena. She’s so strong. And fierce. And… beautiful. I want to be like that.”

“But you are you, and she is she.”

“Cryptic much?”

“What else do you want,” he continued, guiding her thoughts in a way that could perhaps help her process them a little more honestly.

“I want… “

“Yes?”

“To. Not be. Like this…”

“Like what?”

“A constant wreck. A burden. A.. fuck. whatever. JUST... ME. I don’t want to be ME, okay?”

“But you are you.”

“And she is she, I GET IT.”

“Well, we are the same. No need to get testy.”

“Fuck you, Duke.”

“Fuck yourself, Kara,” he bit back, so smooth and calm, like he didn’t even care.

“You’re lucky I didn’t leave you out to die in the fucking snow.”

“And you are lucky he didn’t leave you to die in that house.”

“….” She became silent, the weight of his words drilling a hole in her chest, before muttering bitterly. "He should have left me there to die. Now he has to look after me."

"He nearly did. Or do you not remember that?"

"I remember,” she spat. How he was so ready to just put his gun to her head and end it.

"So does he HAVE to look after you? Or did he _choose_ to?"

"What? That’s a stupid question."

"Answer it, Kara. Did he HAVE to do this. Any of this. For you."

“No…"

"Well then. I think you have taken your shit out on me more than enough for one night. Go to sleep, Kara.”

“Seriously, that’s it?”

“….” The stupid fish returned to its annoying glubb glub glub sounds, and Kara rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Stupid fish. Stupid girl. Stupid brain…." She muttered all the way to her bedroom, closing the door a little too harshly – though if she woke Mon-El she was too tired and frustrated to even fucking care. She dropped herself on her bed, pulling out Mon-El’s shirt to sleep in like she often did.

DAMN HIM.

She threw it across the room and went to sleep in her clothes, too tired to get changed. She just pulled the comforter up and slept in her dress.

 

*

 

_“...Home. Family. Love. FUCK IT ALL, OKAY? I HATE IT ALL.”_

Mon-El could hear Kara raising her voice, talking down the hall. He shouldn’t have been listening, but he had been sitting on the ground leaning against his door for about 40 minutes, waiting to hear her go to sleep. He didn’t want to actually go to bed until he knew she wasn’t crying or staying up all night, and he was just about to get up from his spot on the ground to check on her when he heard her talking.

_“...they are disgusting, stupid things. I hate them. …no… “_

_“...YES! Okay? Rao, yes! Fine! You fucking WIN. Just stop talking!!”_

Bloody hell, she was fierce. He was starting to realize she had an inner untameable fire that came out when she was angry or offended.

_"BUT IT HURTS, DUKE! Please, stop! At least by hating it, I don’t have to want it."_

So she didn’t hate the things she claimed to? It made sense. Hating things like family and love. They were things she had lost. Things she thought she could never have, or didn’t deserve. Of course she would hate having to face that kind of pain again and again. She was talking to Duke again, which made a little more sense, rather than talking to herself. Well… not really. She was still talking to herself. But. Whatever.

_“Does it matter? I’ll always just be a stupid little fish in a stupid little fishbowl.”_

_“A lioness. Like… like Lena. She’s so strong. And fierce. And… beautiful. I want to be like that.”_

Oh Kara, you have no idea. You already are a lioness. Strong and fierce and beautiful. He understood that she saw Lena’s outward display of strength. But hers was inward. Not yet on display for the world to see. When it was, it would be glorious.

_“I want… To. Not be. Like this…A constant wreck. A burden. A.. fuck. whatever. JUST... ME. I don’t want to be ME, okay?”_

Right. That was something he would have to work her though. She seemed determined to hate herself, and unable to see her admirable qualities. Entirely understandable from the conditioning and utter FUCKING SHIT she had been through. That fucking bastard had done a number on her. Perhaps... therapy could help her. Maybe. But she… just seemed to need… to be loved. To be shown that she WAS loveable.

_"... I GET IT...Fuck you, Duke.”_

Did she…seriously? What the hell… she was telling the goldfish that she adored to fuck off? She wasn’t making any sense. She _did_ have a habit of resorting to lashing out, perhaps that was it.

_“You’re lucky I didn’t leave you out to die in the fucking snow.”_

Damn! Poor Duke. Maybe he should get up and save that little fish from the verbal assaults coming out of Kara’s–

_"He should have left me there to die. Now he has to look after me."_

FUCKING HELL, KARA. It’s not like that. It’s not like that at ALL!

_"I remember. ...What? That’s a stupid question. ..._ No…"

_"Fine. Stupid fish. Stupid girl. Stupid brain….”_

He heard the words getting closer to him as she had gotten up, walking to her room, and her door somewhat slammed shut. Should he… go to her? He wasn’t sure. It was a lot to process. A lot had happened in a short amount of time and things were getting… complicated. He wasn’t sure how to deal with all the things Kara had said to him, let alone the things she hadn’t.

He thought back to how he very nearly DID just leave her in that house. Ugh. This... this beautiful, curious, and strong willed girl could have just been another casualty in the wake of his work. It was nauseating. His head hit the back of the door as he leaned back and closed his eyes. How the fuck was he going to work through all of this with her?

And with Rhea? He couldn’t possibly tell her. His own mother was at least partially responsible for Kara hating herself, her life. Hell, HE was partly responsible for it. It’s not like they kept tabs on their higher ups, on their workers' private lives. They ran background checks and surveillance at first, maybe, for a few years and on newbies especially. But Vik? He’d been with them since Mon-El was a teen. He could have been Rhea’s high school buddy for all he knew. Who he fucked in his spare time wasn’t any of their business.

Except. HELL. It had been HER. And everything was just. Too much.

His head was spinning, trying to figure everything out. But it didn’t matter. Rhea couldn’t know about Kara, and Kara couldn’t know about Rhea. It was fine. Either way he had to keep them apart, so it was fine.

But. To leave her there to… no. It was unimaginable now. How could Kara say such a thing? Surely she didn’t want to die over have him look after her. Why was that so bad? She was… sick and helpless when he brought her home. He _chose_ to bring her home. Not that he really had to look after her now… she was able to walk and eat and do things now. Maybe… maybe he was doing to much for her. Still, she wasn’t a BURDEN. For once his life wasn’t just hollow and shit. He had something he actually cared about.

Ugh. Fuck.

It was all too much to process. He wanted to tell her. That she wasn’t a burden to him. But… how could he? He wasn’t suppose to be listening. And she was clearly in a bit of a state, if shouting curse words at a goldfish wasn’t enough of a clue…

Whatever. They had the week off. They could really work on some things. If… if she wanted to.

He had a quick shower, since he knew Kara was awake anyway, and then went to bed, hoping that the week would go alright.

 

*

 

She could hear the popping sounds coming from the kitchen as Mon-El cooked breakfast. It smelled nice. Still. She would go there soon. She was busy.

Hmmmmm. It stopped spinning, and she hopped up to push the button again, gleefully sitting back down on the floor watching the machine twirl the towels.

"Kara? Breakfast is ready if you want som… Kara?” She was in the laundry room, sitting in front of the dryer with her legs crossed.

“Did you just… put that on again?”

“What?”

“That… they’re done. And you just… turned it on another cycle?”

“I like watching it spin.” She shrugged, fascinated by the laundry going in circles in the dryer. It was so hypnotizing.

“Well that explains my last power bill," he muttered. “How often do you do this?”

“Do what?”

“Uhm… sit on the floor. In front of the dryer…”

“It's warm,” she mused, not really paying attention to him.

“Yes. It is. But.. do you do this every day?”

“Yeah…”

“Really?” He was sure his face looked a little bewildered in that moment.

“Uhm. Most days, yeah.”

"Oh. Well that's… different. Uhhh, I made us breakfast. I thought we could go to the park today. If you wanted."

“Okay," She agreed, getting up off the floor and walking out towards the kitchen. He leaned over and flicked the switch on the top of the dryer, turning it off and shaking his head as he followed after her.

“Did you sleep okay? You seem… in a good mood.”

“Uhm. I… didn’t go to bed until.. quite late,” she admitted, looking down at her feet as they dangled from the stool she was sitting on at the counter. “..but I slept really well after that.”

“That’s good. Tea?”

“Yes, please,” she nodded.

“What would you like?” He tried his luck, seeing if she would make the choice for herself.

“Uhm… do you have any of the… the jasmine one?”

“Coming right up.” He went over to the pantry and got the tin of dragon pearl jasmine, gloriously fragrant, and he guessed she loved it because it smelled like flowers. He watched her take the drink and hold it in her hands, trying to get as much of the mug touching her as possible. Gods, she was a sucker for warmth.

“Thanks.” She let the steam drift up to her nose, leaning over the mug and staring into the colourless liquid.

“I hope uhm… pancakes is okay. I can teach you how to make them next time. If you’d like. It’s just I thought you were pretty.. tired. After last night.”

“You’d really do that?”

“What. Teach you to make pancakes? Sure. I remember something about piano, too. I’ll actually have time for a bit of that this week. If… if you wanted.”

“That would be… really nice.” She wanted to say wonderful, but decided that being overly enthusiastic might be a bit too much. He was being way too good to her. And it was. Ugh. It was just so lovely. But she didn’t want him to be doing so much for her. It was ridiculous.

He put a pancake on her plate and handed it to her, watching as she reached for a few items and a knife.

“Seriously?” he raised his brows.

“What?" She looked up from her plate, midway though putting peanut butter on her caramel.

“Uhm. No, nothing, I won’t judge. I’ve just never… peanut butter and caramel sauce is a strange combination.”

"It is?”

“Well. Yeah, a little. But… does it taste nice?”

“Yeah.”

“Here, let me see...”

“NO!” She stabbed her fork down before he grabbed some of her pancake, narrowly missing his fingers.

Okay, no to stealing Kara’s food. That would be a solid no.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

He chuckled. "It’s fine Kara, I’ll just, try some on my own then." He put a pancake down on his plate and moved to sit next to her. “Pass me the peanut butter.”

She reluctantly removed her fingers from tearing at her pancake to shove the jar in his direction, before returning to munch on her blissful breakfast.

He was fascinated by the combination of sweet and salty and a little bit crunchy. It tasted kinda amazing. “This isn’t… half bad, actually.”

“You love it.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You have caramel on your face…"

 

 

 

* 

 

Kara had expressed her interest in seeing a bit more of the outside world, though it was terrifying for her. And he didn’t want her to have to stay locked up like a Rapunzel in his home. So they started small, by going to the park.

"Are you alright, Kara?”

“Hmmm?” She was so busy looking at the swans gliding along the water's edge, anything he said was probably going in one ear and out the other. Mon-El watched as she dug her hands deeper into her jacket, following the elegant birds with her eyes.

“You look like a little polar bear,” he mused. She was all dressed up in far too many layers, and, with her white hood up too, she looked like a little round puff. Not that she was round. But – was she wearing every sweater she owned under that jacket?

“Mmmhmmm.” She continued to nod robotically, while her eyes traced across the water and then to the sky, like she was painting it in her mind. He tried not to feel like he was being totally ignored, rolling his eyes.

She looked up curiously when they passed under a large tree, fascinated that it was the only one with leaves still dancing on its branches in the winter. And then traced the bare forms of others with her hands.

“You know I might uhm...like you, right? I mean… not that I’ve ever been one to do the whole crush thing. I always thought of myself too much of a hardened man for that…” He tried his luck with Murphy’s Law. Surely if he said something he didn’t actually want Kara to hear, she would start listening to him again...

But alas, it turned out she still didn’t hear a word, continuing to look around and then spotting a bird that had settled in front of them on the path. “…Mon, it’s so pretty! Don’t you think? The little flecks of blue?”

“Yes, Kara. It’s very pretty.” He rolled his eyes again and continued leading the way. She was hopelessly slow, and at this rate it would take them all day to get even a few hundred meters down the path.

They were interrupted by a sudden crashing sound, looking up ahead to see a small boy had taken a tumble from his bike, skinning his hands and knees on the pavement.

Before Mon-El could even blink, he felt a small gust of wind rush past him, and realized Kara was at the boys side before he had even reacted.

“Are you aright, honey?” She had knelt down, checking that the young boy was okay.

Mon-El couldn’t move. Seeing Kara like that. With a child – just a small boy of barely 6 or 7, helping him back up to a sitting position and moving his bike up for him while his mother ran from somewhere up the hill. Kara rubbed soothing circles on the boy's back while he bit his lip, trying really hard not to cry from the initial shock. She turned his palms up, brushing the little bits of gravel off them to reveal a few small scrapes, but nothing serious.

_“Oh my gosh, RILEY! Are you okay?!”_ the boy’s mother joined them then, inspecting his injuries before scolding him when she realized he only had a few grazes. “How many times have I told you not to go speeding down that hill?!”

“Sorry ma…” he mumbled to his mother, and Kara got up to awkwardly remove herself from the pair. She just nodding at the woman, leave her to attend to her son.

As she turned to leave, Kara gave a slight squeeze to the boy’s shoulder, before wandering back to Mon-El.

“Uhm… that was.” He was just so surprised. Not that he should have been. Of course Kara was kind-hearted. He didn’t expect anything less. But she just… took off… when previously all her fears would have stopped her from any form of human interaction.

“He’s okay.” She smiled a little bit, and he saw her relief as her shoulders settled with her breathing.

They continued walking in silence until he spoke up again.

“You were great back there.”

“Huh?”

“With… with the kid.” His hand went around to the back of his neck. Trying not to be super awkward about complimenting her on something so trivial. But… it was a big deal, at least for Kara.

“Oh. Well… he was hurt. I… didn’t really think about it.”

“Yeah. That was nice of you.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“So… you’re okay with other people now?”

“Oh. That. I’m still atrociously anxious and currently hiding it all… if that’s what you’re asking?”

“I’m sorry. It will get easier.”

“I hope so…"

 

 

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. My beta is 100 percent responsible for the laundry scene, where Kara is watching the dryer spin. She just had this image in her head and shared it with me so I worked it in because... uhm.. glorious! So full credit for that idea to @maybetomorrow.
> 
> 2\. Dukara works both as a ship name as as a blend of both Duke and Kara since its her talking to her. She's basically telling herself to fuck off twice in a row as she fights with herself. Which is kinda relatable AF. 
> 
> 3\. Just so everyone knows. 50 chapters is the HALF WAY POINT of Lion. Just incase you were wondering how the hell I was going to fit all this story without many chapters to go. There's gonna be a SEQUEL of at least 30 chapters after I reach the 50/50 (Meaning Lion will be 70-90 chapters long. Outline willing.) But yeah. Thought I'd let you know that we are no where NEAR the end of this story. But I've been writing since April, and will probably take a month off when I get to the end of part one. Peace.xxxoo


	38. A criminal that tends to flowers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I don't know you_   
>  _But I want you_   
>  _All the more for that_   
>  _Words fall through me_   
>  _And always fool me_   
>  _And I can't react_
> 
> _Falling slowly, eyes that know me_   
>  _And I can't go back_   
>  _Moods that take me and erase me_   
>  _And I'm painted black_
> 
> _You have suffered enough_   
>  _And warred with yourself_   
>  _It's time that you won_
> 
> _Take this sinking boat and point it home_  
>  _We've still got time_  
>  _Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice_  
>  _You'll make it now._
> 
> \- Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard.

 

* * *

 

 

-

After they'd gone to the park, he had let her rest for a bit while he quickly went out to get a few extra ingredients for their meals. There was a large chance he would be teaching Kara a few things of the culinary variety this week, since he had the time. He thought perhaps she'd feel a bit better about being a 'burden' to him if maybe she had a few more skills. Placing the items in the appropriate places, he stocked the fridge and pantry before noticing Kara was rather invested in her book, pacing around a little while holding it in her hand. It gave him the opportunity to mull over a few things.

Her presence was... hard to explain. It was soft, like the low blue light just before the rising of morning. Enchanting.

She was like nothing he had ever seen. But her essence was … somehow dulled. Like it could have been vibrant once. He wondered what Kara would have been like had she not suffered – if she would be just as beautiful, but brighter and full of laughter and confidence. What made her so.. different? Delicate, but not at all weak. (She had survived far too much for that). She had an unbreakable spirit. Strong. Beautiful. And with a deep courage.

Her movements flowed when she walked, like the crystal waters of Zarth. Or the finest satin, drifting in the autumn winds. She had moved to sit on the couch, her long fingers wrapping around a mug which had been left on the coffee table, warming her hands while sipping the soothing herbal tea, and then putting it back down next to her biscuit.

Mon-El never really considered himself to be the kind of man who might be mesmerized by a woman, but he caught himself staring. Often. Kara paid him little mind when she was invested in her book, and it made it easier to admire the softness of her hair, the puppy presses thing she did with her lip… even her nibbling nervously on her fingernails he found did something to him.

He found her endearing. And he couldn’t stop.

He even wondered if perhaps she was sent down by the gods to test him. (If so.. she was a poorly disguised angelic being. Surely, he wasn’t the only one that saw her purity and strength. There was royalty in her blood and kindness in her eyes. And he couldn’t even––)

“UGH! NO. Stupid, stupid NO!” Kara's mutterings brought Mon-El crashing back down to earth.

“Kara?”

“THEY ARE SO STUPID!!” Crumbs fell from her mouth as she bickered at the pages.

“Who are?” 

"Ro _mayo_ and Juliet! This entire story is stupid! It’s so cringe  And then to top it all off… they kill themselves – which was so unnecessary, but I think that was probably the most exciting bit of the whole play." She was literally ranting about how she thought Shakespeare was shit. "Didn’t you say this Shakespeare guy was famous?” she accused.

“Uhm. Yes, actually. That play is world-renowned. And considered romantic.”

“This  _idiocy_  is considered romantic?!”

“It’s about two people that are on opposite sides, coming together, despite prejudices. Over coming obstacles to be together. Two people are so in love, they would rather die than live without the other…”

“Like I said. _Stupid_. Two _barely_ teenagers who are so pathetic they think they need another half to make life worth living.”

“Uhm... I suppose one could see it like that,” he considered for a moment.

Kara had probably lived mostly alone and unloved. She certainly didn’t need anyone else to make her life worth living. Somehow, despite the brutal pain of grief and loss and suffering, she still chose life over death.

“Ugh. Do you have something better? Preferably _not_  Shakespeare.” She picked up her wineglass, which Mon-El saw had strawberry milk in it. Classy. 

"Oh no no no… you don’t get out of his works that easily. Here, you can try another….” He popped into his study to retrieve a book, and came back out with a small play and handed it to her.

 _Macbeth._ She narrowed her eyes, before turning the page to the beginning act. 

“Witches. Are you fucking serious?” 

"It gets better! Just... Skip that bit. Well, no, don’t skip that bit, you need to know the prophecy for later, but I promise it's not that bad!"

She grumbled, making small indistinguishable mutterings as she obeyed, reading the first act and then continuing to read. He just watched her, seeing a small smile appear.

"What are you smiling at?"

“...He put his enemy’s severed head on a spear. I liked that bit."

He looked at the ceiling, accusing his gods, wondering if they'd heard his earlier thoughts and decided now would be a good time to convince him her disguise was legit. But, hey, at least she probably wouldn’t mind watching Game of Thrones with him. He would have a whole new season to watch pretty soon. He stopped thinking about gods and tests and focused back on Kara’s impression of Shakespeare.

“Well, if you get through that one, there's plenty more where that came from. I just thought you might like.. you know, the romantic one was all. The tame one."

"Do I look tame to you?"

"No. Very true. I’ll cross everything that has star-crossed lovers in it off your list, then.” 

“Thanks.”

 

*

 

Kara had finished Macbeth rather quickly, seeming to be a very avid reader.  He decided it might finally be time to teach her some of the things she had wanted to learn. 

"So… did you still want to learn how to use that knife of yours?” Mon-El took off his jacket and dropped it over the back of the couch as he passed it.

“Mmmhhm,” she nodded, though a little unsure of herself. She wasn’t exactly the most co-ordinated person, and definitely lacked physical strength and prowess. But she had to start somewhere, especially if she was going to make herself more valuable to Mon-El. Maybe even impress Lena one day.

“Alright well, go get it, and I’ll meet you in the courtyard, is that a good plan?”

"I… uhm… have to do something first, though." 

“Oh?”

She bit her lip, considering if Mon-El would think she was weird. But, she had to do it. So… she did. 

Moving to the kitchen, she turned the tap on and started filling a tall glass, while he just stood with his arms crossed looking over at her, intrigued. It felt, a little strange, his intense stare, but she wanted to keep up her normal routine. 

She started watering the plants, which she did at roughly the same time every day. She was flexible with it, but it gave her something to do, and she had managed to give herself back some stability with a bit of a routine to follow. 

"What else are you regularly doing when I’m not here?" This was all very new to him. Sitting in front of the dryer while it spun. Watering his plants. He’d never really thought about her doing such random activities daily. “Oh! Those ones don’t need to be watered."

“But…"

"They’re succulents, Kara."

“Huh?"

“Well, they ahhh… grow in the desert. At least, that’s the environment they _would_ grow in, but they can thrive pretty much anywhere, since they don’t need watering often and can survive harsh conditions." 

"You know a lot about plants."

"I had a lot of time on my hands at home. When I was younger, I mean. Best way to avoid my dragon of a mother was to stay busy.” He shrugged.

"So you learned about plants?"

"I guess." 

"I thought you were suppose to be some badass criminal…” She skipped the smaller things he told her not to water and walked over to the large tropical looking one instead, pouring the rest of the water out of her glass.

"I am."

“A criminal that tends to flowers. Right." 

He felt slightly embarrassed, the way she so nonchalantly dismissed his masculinity and power. He WAS a criminal – a darn good one. Just because he could shoot a man right between the eyes from a hundred meters away, didn’t mean he couldn’t like plants as well. He was respected and feared. And here she was just dismissing him like he was some fluffy little rabbit!

“I’ll have you know, I’m very good at my job.” He gritted his teeth, trying not to be offended.

“Oh, I know. I saw.” She had her back to him, going back to refill her glass in the least efficient way possible to water his plants. Why wouldn’t she just use something bigger? Like a jug or something.

“So you do this every day, huh?”

“Yup.”

“Just ‘cause?”

“Yup.” 

“Do you feed Duke, too? I think we have both been feeding him, because he’s getting a little chubby.” Mon-El let a dumb grin slide onto his face, but Kara didn’t like his little joke. 

“You’re not suppose to feed him.” Her brows pulled together, like she was pissed. But she was too adorable when she was angry for him to really take her seriously. 

“I’m not?”

“No. That’s something I like to do.” 

She was giving him a growling! Goodness. 

“Oh… uhh… sorry. I just. Wanted to keep him alive, you know? If you blamed me for killing your goldfish, I don’t think you’d ever forgive me.” He kept talking to her back, while she wandered around. 

“Our goldfish.”

“What?”

“ _Our_ goldfish.” She finished watering the Peace Lilly and put the glass down next to Duke’s fish bowl, crouching down to see him better. She just stared through the bowl at the (now chubby) little thing and watched him swim for a bit, pulling her lip into her mouth while her gaze remained fixed.

“Any other little routines I should know about?”

“Not really.” She kept staring at Duke.

“Well what else do you do. I’m curious….”

"Uhm. Well... I stretch.” She let go of her fixation with Duke, straightening up and turning around to finish their conversation.

"Like yoga?"

"Not really. I just. Do a little bit. I’m not very strong."

"But you will be soon." 

“Because you are going to teach me?” she guessed, looking a little hopeful.

“If that’s what you want. I think… it could be good for you,” he shrugged. She could process some of that fire he’d been seeing lately, and learn some self defense in the process.

“Okay. Well, I’m done so... I’ll just…” She trailed off, gesturing in the direction of her room.

“Might want to take those white jeans off though, they’ll be too restrictive to move in. Lena left some activewear in one of the drawers. Third one down, under your sweaters.”

“Thanks.”

“And lose the jacket.”

“Got it.”

 

*

 

Fuck. This was a bad idea. Of _course_ Lena would have sports leggings that were tight enough to hug Kara ass. Why learn to swing a knife when you could just distract your enemy with THAT?

_Fuck you, Lena. I swear you planned this shit._

He let the thought go, reminding himself that Kara wanted to learn. She liked to learn, it seemed, reading and asking questions and pretty much up for anything. He gestured for her to come closer, down off the steps, and saw she was holding her knife in her left hand. How had he not noticed that before?

“You’re left handed.”

“Yeah?”

“Okay, well, that’s cool. You’re comfortable holding it now?” 

She was holding it pretty confidently, her grip secure, but not too tight. He wondered if perhaps she had been practicing in her spare time like he’d previously instructed her.

“Not really. But... a bit more than the last time.” She was honest. She had a long way to go.

“Great, well. You’re not going to like this, but…”

“What.”

“Put the knife down.”

“Huh? I thought you were teaching me how to use it.”

“I am. But I have to teach you techniques first, and… it’s easier to learn how to move against an opponent without worrying about the weapon just yet.”

“Oh.” She placed it carefully down on the step, and then continued to walk towards him and she didn’t know what to do with her hands, so she began clawing at the inside of her palm like she often did. But he would give her something to do, and perhaps, with training, her anxieties would fade.

“First things first… feet.”

“But?”

“Kara, just trust me, I WILL teach you.” Sure, you used a knife with your hands. But it was all about the fancy footwork. This was going to take some time... 

 

*

 

Rao she was tired. She didn’t realize her second ever real knife lesson wouldn’t even INCLUDE using a knife. Her brain was full of instructions and things to remember, and keeping up her concentration for an extended period of time was difficult. Not to mention her legs hurt. They’d been on their feet most of the day, first at the park, and then with her lessons. There was nothing she wanted more than a nap, but… she finally had time to spend with Mon-El, and she didn’t want to waste it. He was really here, not at work leaving her alone for most of the day and it was… nice. But she was struggling to stay on her feet and her head was starting to hurt a little. Ugh, and her weak as fuck thighs were basically burning.

“What do you want to eat? I’ll make us an early dinner.”

Freaking heck, it was nearly dinner time already? How in the world did that happen? The day HAD gone fast, no wonder she was tired. 

“I don’t mind.” She returned to her usual compliance, unable to keep up her strength and try be more assertive. She had done more than enough outside of her comfort zone for one day.

“You okay?” He looked up when he heard her hit the couch with a deep sigh, collapsing into it.

“Tired,” she muttered, wanting to crawl up into a ball, but also not wanting to put Mon-El off training her. So she resisted the urge to let her weakness be on full display.

“You’ll be sore after all the activity today. I was hoping to teach you some cooking tonight, but… perhaps tomorrow. I’ll make dinner for tonight.”

Oh, she would LOVE that. Teaching her to make food as glorious and delicious as he made? The thought was heavenly. But she WAS tired. And the thought of getting up right now was too much to bear.

She groaned as she shifted her legs up to stretch out along the length of the couch, putting her feet up.

“Sure you’re okay?”

“It hurts.”

“Sorry, we will have to build up slowly. It will get easier.”

“I hope so…” She sighed, wanting to read her book. But, again, that required moving and getting up. So she shut her eyes instead. 

She could hear him cooking in the kitchen, and the sounds were soothing. Just laying with her eyes closed hearing the knife against the chopping board, and the sizzle of the pan. She could picture each movement in her mind as a metal spoon dinged against a pot, or he opened the fridge to find ingredients. It was all just so simple. And calming. Her chest no longer tightened in the evenings, the closer it got to nighttime. It was just… easy. 

She heard the stirring of the pot cease as he put a lid on whatever he was making. And when she opened her eyes, found him looking back at her, leaning against the wall. 

“I’ll go run a bath for you. Be good for you after the workout you’ve had today.”

She didn’t even get to say thank you before he had disappeared down the hall and then the distant sound of running water started. He was so good to her. Why was he so… caring. And thoughtful. It wasn’t anything like she was used to, and she tried to kill the inner feelings before they started, because, she knew that this whole thing might still just be temporary. Nothing was ever certain. And while she was beginning to enjoy it… she was probably beginning to enjoy it far too much. He was thoughtful. And she liked it here.

“You look exhausted.” He returned and was looking down at her, and truth be told, the longer the minutes went on, the more tired she was getting. 

“I’ll be fine.” She closed her eyes again, her mind suddenly flashing to horrid things she wasn’t suppose to be thinking. But it came with the fading light, she supposed. Evenings weren’t suppose to be this way. 

"Might be nice to have an early night tonight, yeah?"

“I wanted to read my book.”

“You can’t even keep your eyes open.”

She huffed. It was true. But the last chapter was a freaking cliffhanger and she needed more. “Read it to me?” Kara asked quietly, hopeful.

Mon-El thought about it for a moment. There wasn’t really any reason why he couldn’t. And he liked to indulge her. Giving her things she hadn’t been able to have… it… was nice. Simple pleasures like a good meal and a hot bath. He was starting to appreciate them far more himself, knowing just how much he’d taken those sorts of things for granted. 

“Sure, I don’t see why not. But… water’s hot. You’ll have to wait till after.”

“Can’t you…” She trailed off. He wouldn’t do that.

“What, read to you while you’re in there?”

“Yeah.”

“I mean. I guess I could. If that’s what you wanted.”

"That’s what I want.” She was firm, knowing he would cave to her if she made the request of her own volition.

“Alright, well.. it should be ready now. Need some help getting up?”

She pushed herself off the couch, barely holding up her own weight, but managing it. She had to show him she could manage their trainings. 

“I’ll take that as a no,” he spoke, seeming both a little surprised and a little proud of her persistence.

He followed her down the hall and through his room to the ensuite, turning the hot water off and checking that the temperature was okay. He swirled the thick foam around a bit, and at least she would have a bit of modesty with the bubbles while he read to her. 

“I’ll just go grab a stool from upstairs. Where’s your book?”

“Just on my bed.” 

“Great. Hold on a sec.” 

He dashed upstairs and looked for something to sit on, before finding Kara’s book resting on her pillow, giving her enough time to hop in the bath. Returning to his ensuite, he was expecting her to already be IN the bath, since he _had_ given her the time, but she was still removing her clothing, probably with difficulty from her sore muscles. 

He turned around facing the wall, waiting for her to undress and slip into the water.

“You’ve already seen me naked,” she reminded him, her words flat and apathetic, prompting his jaw to clench shut.

“May I remind you, that _n_ _either_ of those times were on purpose.” He crossed his arms, not impressed with her being so nonchalant about his rather decent efforts at respect.

“You’re such a prude.”

“I’m not a PRUDE!” He was talking to the wall of the bathroom instead of looking at a gorgeous woman, but still, he was NOT a prude.

She just rolled her eyes. “Suit yourself.” 

He heard her climb into the bath and settle,so he thought it safe to turn around. She had already closed her eyes with her head leaning against the tub, her form clothed in a thick layer of lavender scented bubbles. Good. 

He sat down on the small stool and rest the book on his lap, needing to know where she had left off. "Which bit were you up to?" 

"End of the first chapter. Her lover had just gifted her his horse, Lumeria. She had to gallop away into the  night, to keep their child safe."

He opened it and skimmed over a few of the words. "Wow. Prince and Princess, separated by their enemies. I thought you hated the lovey dove stuff....”

“Shut up. I picked the book for its cover, remember?”

“You like it…” He teased.

“Fine. I like it.”

He chuckled. “ Alright, well, just tell me when to stop. And try not to fall asleep in the bath.”

“Try not to burn our dinner,” she sparred back, relaxing as he began to read to her. 

 

*

 

They ate in silence, her hair damp, while she noticed how soothed and relaxed her muscles were. They sat at the table, which was weird, since usually they just sat on the couch or at the counter, but she didn’t mention is as she put her fork in the… whatever it was… and enjoyed her meal. It was incredible. 

She finished the entire thing, which was impressive for her, and raised her wine glass to her lips again, alleviating her new addiction to strawberry milk. She saw Mon-El smile and shake his head lightly, as he stuck his fork into his food and tried not to laugh.

“What?” She huffed.

“Just. You.”

“What about me.”

“You’re _very_ classy, you know that?” He grinned, bringing up his actual _wine_ to take a sip. Though she probably wouldn’t understand the hint. 

“I’m not classy…” She scrunched her face up, confused by him.

He just laughed very lightly, not willing to explain how hilarious he found some of her habits. 

“You want some more?” He offered.

“No, I’m good. It was wonderful, though. Thank you.”

“You’ll be able to make something like that soon.”

“Somehow, I don’t think my culinary skills will ever match yours.”

“We’ll see…” He returned to his meal, not able to keep up with Kara polishing hers off so quickly. But she politely sat at the table with him anyway, and they just continued their comfortable silence – her drinking, and him eating. 

 

**

 

* * *

 

P.s... Chubby Duke says Hi. lol.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta is probably the best person on earth. Thanks love. 
> 
> Also thank you to all my beautiful readers who have been leaving comments - they are my lifeblood and I really DO appreciate them. So much. So thank you all. Hope you enjoyed this chapter xx


	39. Incessant Need.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery is by no means linear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Trigger Warnings for: Borderline Personality Disorder, Self-harm, abusive relationships, trauma, and dependancy issues. Not all of these were in the tags, so the warning is here as a safety net. Oh and dark humour, but that depends if you pick up on it or not.
> 
> 2\. Also, our first real look at Eve Tessmacher in the Lion universe!

* * *

 

  
  
——  
  
  
“FEED ME!!”  
  
“Oh, Shut up, Duke!” Kara rolled her eyes hearing the demand coming from by the stairs, as she filled a glass with water and clutched her paintbrushes tightly in her hand.  
  
“FEEEED MEEEEEE!” He was rather insistent, but she continued to ignore the request.  
  
“You’ve already been fed.”  
  
“But I want more!”  
  
She began walking towards the stairs, planning on filling her morning with some painting and drawing. “I don’t care. Mon-El has been giving you more than enough. He’s not doing that anymore.” Kara was firm, not willing to cave to the mutterings of the chubby goldfish.  
  
“It’s not fair.”  
  
“You’re greedy.”  
  
“Am not.”  
  
“Are too!”  
  
“KARA!” He swished his tail about, and for a moment Kara felt sorry for him. Would it be so bad to just give him a little something? NO… he was just being greedy. Stupid goldfish.  
  
“SHUT IT, DUKE! I’m not feeding you.”  
  
“But you want to. You know you want to…” He continued to try his luck.  
  
“I’m leaving now. It’s unhealthy to be so…”  
  
“So what?”  
  
“Needy.”  
  
“I’m not needy. I just want some more food. Come on,  _please?_ ”  
  
“No.”  
  
“You’ll give in eventually…” Duke taunted her as she wandered up the stairs, leaving him to keep begging for her to fulfil his needs.  
  
She sat down with her sketchbook and tried to concentrate, knowing Mon-El would be back soon. But. She was feeling empty again. The gnashing teeth had returned to chomping their way through her gut, causing her arms to ache and her to hold her jaw too tight. She was trying to resist – it wasn’t like he would even be gone long. But for some reason, she just couldn’t deal this morning. 

The house was empty. And she hadn’t even bothered to bring her cup of tea with her, leaving it sitting cold on kitchen counter next to that darned note. She had slept in, after being atrociously tired from such a long day of activity yesterday, that she hadn’t gotten up to have breakfast with Mon-El. And she had slept SO well, after a long hot soak and a nice meal, that she didn’t wake up early enough, so he had gone out to run an errand.  
  
She was alone. And she was utterly starving.   
  
She set her brushes out in order of thickness, all in perfectly straight lines and just stared at them, her mind wandering. She had been denied the familiarities of touch and physical affections too long.   
  
Looking down at her collar, Kara dragged her sweater off her shoulder a little to inspect her skin – the parts she could see, at least. The scars were still there, thick white lines with bits of darkened, rough skin around their outer edges. But the bruising was well and truly gone. She traced one of the lines down over her clavicle and across her chest to the point where it ended, and huffed.   
  
Mon-El wasn’t like her master. He wouldn’t touch her. There were no lingering caresses, or sleeping in his arms, or laying near to him while he talked on the phone. When he sat on the couch, she didn’t sit on the floor situated between his feet, or resting her head on his knee. It was different. Mon-El didn’t like to touch her.  
  
Fuck, he didn’t even like to LOOK at her.   
  
Although... he  _did_  read to her while she was in the bath, which was a bit of a surprise. Though, she was blanketed in foam and he was too busy reading to probably think about the fact that her clothes were in a pile on the floor. She hated it, the way Mon-El always kept this…this..  _distance_  from her, like she was repulsive when he got too close. Why couldn’t he just handle her roughly or beat her? She would rather that, than have to endure the sensory deprivation, the utter agony of his absence.  
  
She knew it was silly, to think that separation was more painful than actual bruises. But it was… at least to her. She understood he would never hurt her, he was far too… good… for that. But she wanted him to. She just needed SOMETHING… _ANYTHING_. Her heart craved melodrama and pain more than this blank, desensitised numbness. The excruciating emptiness. Couldn’t he just make her… feel something?   
  
UGH! Fuck it. Fuck him. FUCK THIS. She drew her skirt up to pull her knife from where it was strapped to her thigh. She had been practicing, and it was getting easier to naturally pull it up into her good hand with one swift motion. Inspecting it, she began to consider.  
  
She had.. heard of people… you know.. marking themselves. Not really understanding why they would do it. But now she understood, contemplating the relief it might give her to just… inflict a little bit of pain. Not a lot… just.. just a little.   
  
Holding her other palm up flat, she gripped the pommel of the knife with her fingers, just twirling it, the very tip of the blade barely touching the inside of her hand while she fixed her gaze on its rotating form. Would it be so bad? She already had scars. Maybe Mon-El wouldn’t even notice. She could hide them from him easily, since he didn’t like to look at her. If she  _was_  to… No. She couldn’t do that. She would get blood stains on her clothes or make too much of a mess. Besides, he wouldn’t desire her if he found the cuts on her skin. And she had to make him WANT her. That wouldn’t… it wouldn’t really work in her favour.   
  
Still. She wanted to…  
  
Kara grunted, unable to concentrate on painting or thinking straight when she was like this. DAMN HIM. She pulled her sweater off and went to find her cellphone, having a much better idea to occupy her time. 

*  
  
  
“Eve!” Mon-El spotted the bubbly yet dedicated woman in her usual spot at her desk – since she was basically the manager of Daxam when Mon-El wasn’t around. She was his Second, and took her job as seriously as he did. Maybe even more.   
  
“Like the pink, it suits you” Mon-El gave her a compliment, knowing full well she looked good, and that she adored it when people noticed when she got her hair done.  
  
Eve flashed him a bright smile and twirled some of the pink locks around her finger in response. “Pretty great, huh?” She was preposterously cheerful as she put her phone down on the wood, and stood up to address him. “So what can I do for you, Mike? Drink perhaps?” The words left her with effervescent charm and put him at ease. It was nice to almost consider her… a friend? She was in his employ, and he often found himself correcting her for the boldness she displayed in his presence. But it was hard not to soften to her playful and radiant aura. She was effortless, and if he was honest, a breath of fresh air when surrounded constantly by those who either idolized him, feared him, or displayed false reverence purely to gain favour with him. He thought about having a drink with her, but she had a lot to do, and was simply offering to be polite.   
  
“Not right now, thanks though.” He nodded in response and noticed her twirling her pen in her hand – always so bubbly and fidgety, that girl – couldn’t help herself. “So, I know I called you yesterday and filled you in, but I thought I’d pop in and see if you needed anything? Also, I just wanted to drop-off my card – you can pay for anything on here. And help yourself to a few extras, like meals and coffee while you’re planning."  
  
“Ooooh…” Eve grinned and reached for his credit card, her smile fading when he flicked it away from her outstretched hand at the last second.   
  
“NOT new shoes! This is for the event only.  _Work expenses_. You know that."  
  
“New shoes for the event…?” She tried her luck, sparkling with her brazen reply.  
  
“ _Eve_.” He narrowed his eyes and gave her a warning, before he dangled his credit card just out of her reach, taunting her with it.  
  
“Fine, FINE. Just my usual then… organize an entire thrilling and fantastic party in barely a week. Unlimited budget. And don’t go on a shopping spree for shoes. Got it.” Eve took it from him and then grinned, knowing she was holding the credit card of a Gand. Fuck this was exciting.  
  
“Oh, you love the challenge. Don’t act like you hate it,” he teased. “By the way, has Rhea been in today?”  
  
"Nope. I haven’t seen around Daxam much over the last few weeks. Guess she’s pretty busy lately.” Eve just shrugged.  
  
“That’s... unlike her. Didn’t even drop by to say hello to Captain Cold?"  
  
"Nope. Apparently she’s not even that impressed by his mega gun."  
  
“Shucks, but it's so cool, don’t you think?"  
  
"Eww, was that a pun?"  
  
“Maybe…” He shoved his hands in his pockets. What? He thought it was funny. Did no one else like his jokes?  
  
Eve rolled her eyes at him before a small grin appeared, making her cheeks glow. “So, Mike...who’s the lucky girl?” Her hands came to rest on her hips, giving him a knowing look.  
  
"What? How.. there’s no girl..."  
  
"Aha… And you are  _totally_  not scratching your cheek right now, either…. No little glow radiating off you like sunlight?  _Sure…_."  
  
"I honestly don’t know what you are talking about, Eve. I’m mean, I fuck girls all the time, and that’s always a reason to put any man in a good mood. If  _that’s_  what you mean?” He grinned sarcastically at her, waiting for Eve to take the bait.  
  
“Pffff! You haven’t been laid in a while, Mike. You are far too smitten with whoever you’ve got a mega crush on for that.”  
  
"EXCUSE ME?!"  
  
She laughed loudly. "Sorry. It’s just… fun to see you flustered."   
  
"Bloody hell, what IS it with all of you…"  
  
"Lena giving you shit about her too, huh?"  
  
"THERE’S NO GIRL!” He crossed his arms over his chest. Why would anyone think – was it… obvious?   
  
"Alright, alright…. there’s no girl."  
  
"Thank you.”   
  
"Is she cute, though?"   
  
"Oh, shut up,” he growled before feeling the buzz of a notification on his phone, and saw it was a snapchat – probably from Lena. He hadn’t gotten one from her in a while. Little bitch made them lose their snap streak. He opened it before realizing it was… Definitely. Not. Lena. He just about choked on his own tongue.   
  
"Everything okay?" Eve looked at him quizzically.  
  
“Uhhh… yeah. Just...” He swallowed hard, hoping Eve didn’t notice how flustered he really was after receiving THAT.  
  
DAMN HER. What in the world was Kara doing sending him… that kind of thing. For fuck’s sake. Was she trying to kill him? Or just embarrass him while he was out, with little time to prepare to halt the twitch in his pants before it even started. He cleared his throat, coughing out the weakness in his voice in the hopes that Eve wouldn’t notice.. “Just something I wasn’t… expecting.” How in the world did she add him on Snapchat anyway?  
  
He dropped his phone in his pocket, and decided to give Eve a taste of her own medicine. “So, who’s the guy?   
  
“What?! There’s… no one. No guy. I don’t have a boyfriend.”  
  
“You’re blushing.”  
  
“I am not!”  
  
“Well you weren’t until I said it… but now you definitely are.” He grinned, pleased that she was getting flustered. Maybe there actually was a guy! He was just doing it to get her off his back. But her reaction! Gods, it was worth it.  
  
“Ugh, for the last time, Mike, there is NO guy.”  
  
“Okay, alright. Fine, there’s no guy…” He held his hands up in surrender, letting it go, and watched her breathe out a little in relief. “…Is he cute though?”  
  
"Oh, fuck you!”  
  
“Not so fun when the shoe’s on the other foot, huh?” He laughed, realizing his accidentally pun. Two for two, he was on a roll.  
  
“You’re lucky I’m even planning this glorious masquerade so that you don’t have to do it. You just get to enjoy the booze without doing any of the work!”  
  
“A… masquerade, huh?”  
  
“Yeah, you like?”  
  
“Actually, yeah. Classy… and perhaps I might actually get to enjoy my night without being flocked with people.”  
  
“Oh, you are so up yourself!”  
  
He just winked, turning for the door while he shook his head lightly. “Have fun!” He opened it before turning back. “Oh, and Eve… buy the shoes. You’ll deserve at least one new pair for getting this done in such a short amount of time. Just try to take it easy on my card, alright?”  
  
“You betcha!” Her shoulders came up as she nearly gave out a delighted squeal. She was pretty easy to keep happy, always delighted and vibrant and yet incredibly hardworking.

*

  
  
Mon-El parked his motorcycle and walked through the door mid-morning, deciding on another coffee, before he saw Kara was in the kitchen as well. She was sitting on the counter in a top that he definitely did NOT get her. He must have missed one of Lena’s things. She’d thrown a warm cardigan over it, but still, this particular black, lacy THING was seriously far too low and far too see-through for him to have ever bought it for her himself.   
  
He shook his head and tried very hard to ignore the sultry look she was giving him, moving past her to start making a coffee. Eventually he huffed, more so annoyed at the pressure she was putting him under than anything else. “Get down from there, Kara.”  
  
“Why?” She challenged him, before soothing her lips with her tongue and he caught himself looking at their lush pink– NO. He shook his head.   
  
“Because I make food on that counter, and you are sitting on it. Get off.” He was firm, slightly irritated.  
  
“Or you could fuck me on it.”  
  
_Oh, for Rao's sake. Not this again._  “I’m not going to do that.” He helped her down off the counter, his fingers lingering on her hips a moment too long. “Or hurt you. Or throw you out. You don’t need to do this.”  
  
“Please?”  
  
“If this is your way of trying to get me to not go out and get some work done…”  
  
“So what if it is?” She cut him off. "You weren’t suppose to be working this week."  
  
“I wasn’t gone long. I’m not going to abandon you, Kara. How many times do I have to say it?”  
  
"You will. You already do. Every day".  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Every day. You leave."  
  
"I have responsibilities. And things to do. I can’t be with you all the time.”  
  
"But you leave me. You don’t care."  
  
"I DO CARE."   
  
"You won’t even touch me,” she grumbled, crossing her arms while her forehead crinkled. Great. Now she was upset.  
  
"Kara…" he growled. "I want to. But not like this. I’m trying to protect you. It’s not fair on you, to let you do these sorts of things.”  
  
“Why do  _you_  get to decide that?”  
  
“Because you are too conditioned to know what’s good for you. That bastard beat you into submission and compliance, and THIS is the result.”  
  
“I hate you.” She gritted her teeth, pushing herself off from leaning against the bench and throwing malice at him with her eyes.  
  
“Do you really? Because this seems to be your default for not getting what you want.”  
  
“At least my master gave me what I wanted.”  
  
“Don’t you  _dare._ ” He could already feel the back of his throat burning, and a searing in his lungs.  
  
“He wasn’t as bad as you think.” She merely shrugged, knowing he hated the topic. But he deserved if for leaving her alone too long. If he’d been just an hour less, maybe she wouldn’t be attacking him right now.  
  
“No. He was  _worse_.” Mon-El was growing more distressed by their conversation, though it was certainly rooted in his hatred for the cruelty that existed, and not actually at Kara.   
  
“He wasn’t.”  
  
"He  _was._ " Mon-El clenched his fists tight, willing the heat in his blood to return to its normal state.  
  
"I miss him. If he was  _so_  horrible, why do I miss him? Why do I miss his touch... His voice... His scent. He’s gone… because YOU killed him." She threw her acidic words at him and didn’t even care, she was starving because of Mon-El. HE did this to her, HE was the one that kept her from having her constant hunger appeased and her needs met. She was empty and lost and cold on the inside, and it was HIS FAULT.  
  
He didn’t mean to.  
But Mon-El lost it.  
  
”And that’s why you hate me?! Because I  _killed_  the person that had you chained up like a FUCKING DOG?! You were nearly DEAD, KARA! You couldn’t even WALK the day I found you!!”   
  
She was finally getting the stimulation she so desperately wanted. That she needed. Having him shout at her and stir her emotions finally filled something. She didn’t even realize that it was what she’d wanted until it was happening. She couldn’t get him to strike her or backhand her across the face. But this… this filled the gaping icy chasm. She could feel it. And the moment she got what she wanted was the same moment she was instantly filled with regret and grief that she had baited him into it.  
  
"I don’t hate you… please don’t say that." She turned on a dime, one second filled with fire and malice, the next, returning to her quiet submission, suddenly wanting his forgiveness. Her heart returned to its quiet state, feeling sorry that she had done that to him.  
  
Mon-El however, was still fired up.  
  
"Well, you’ve made it pretty clear that nothing I ever do will be enough. You’d really rather be with HIM over me?! Clearly I’m doing a SHIT job and all my efforts to respect you like he  _never_  did are NOTHING!” He was still filled with rage, his bottled emotions pouring out when she had struck a nerve.   
  
“That’s… that’s not what I think. Please… you don’t understand,” she whispered, shaking her head weakly, now quiet and full of guilt. The anger had left her in a blink and now she was just… sorry.  
  
Catching that Kara had softened, Mon-El pulled back, trying to get a handle on his emotions. ”I just… don’t understand. How you could possibly have such feelings for someone who treated you so disgustingly. He deserved far worse than I gave him. And I don’t regret putting a bullet in his skull." He admitted it calmly, watching as Kara fell into silence.   
  
She didn’t mean to always lash out at him. She just. Couldn’t help it. The sickening emotions were all to much, and she just had to make them go away as quickly as possible. It was nothing to do with what she really thought of him. But… lashing out gave her just a tiny bit of relief from having to feel  _hurt._  From feeling numb and cold and hungry. Rao it was like she was always starving. And nothing would fill the gap except some form of heightened sensation. She couldn’t stop herself from doing again and again. And then the very moment she did it. She regretted it.  
  
“I’m sorry.” She spoke to her feet.  
  
“Kara, I don’t understand.”  
  
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry that I’m like this!” She whined, almost in tears.  
  
“It’s not your fault, but, this is just really hard for me, okay? I’m trying really hard.”  
  
She just bit her lip and nodded, still looking at the floor.  
  
“And I’m sorry for taking off when you were asleep. You were tired, and I didn’t want to wake you. I didn’t think a couple of hours would matter.”  
  
She was backing away slowly, refusing to say anything.  
  
“Kara, please say something. I can’t read your mind. It would be easier if I could, but I can’t. Please.” He spoke gently, coaxing her upon seeing her apparent misery. He gripped both of her hands, but she still turned her head away from him, refusing to meet his eyes. She just mumbled, and he was having trouble keeping up with all her different waves of emotions.  
  
“I… I don’t want to fight.”  
  
“Good. Neither do I.” He squeezed her hands a little in reassurance, hoping she didn’t hold it against him that he’d gone off at her. She drove him crazy. “…Did you… did you still want to learn piano?”  
  
“You were… making a coffee.” She mumbled, a little hopeful that he seemed to not be holding her outburst against her.  
  
“Alright, well, I’ll make the coffee and meet you up there.”  
  
“What.. why…?”  
  
“Get  _changed_ , Kara. That top is distracting.”  
  
“Oh.” She looked down, remembering she was wearing something a little inappropriate. That’s what he meant. “Okay…”  
  
Mon-El pinched the bridge of his nose after she left for her room, before sliding his hand across his brow, still reeling from the intensity and chaotic nature of their argument. She wasn’t exactly going easy on him, but he was trying. He let his hand run through his hair and finished up making a coffee and a fresh cup of tea for Kara, when he saw she hadn’t touched the one he’d made her before he left. He swiped the note from the counter and threw it in the trash.  
  
_Morning, hope you slept well. I’m just taking off to sort some things this morning. Just be an hour or two. Call if you need anything. - M_

  
  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Yes, Duke is a metaphor for Kara’s emotional vampirism in this chapter. 
> 
> 2\. My beta is maybetomorrow and I know I say it every chapter, but this project wouldn’t get updated without her constant support, editing skills, spelling corrections and hilarious snap chats, so I thank her every chapter (you are welcome to as well.) She's amazing and she stays up FAR too late getting edits proofed up for me xxx. 
> 
> 3\. Thanks for reading and still being here, after all this time. :) You're all awe and some. ;) Stay sweet my karamels.


	40. Lessons.

_\--_

_She reached up for a mug, bringing it down out of the cupboard for her Master, hearing that he had finally come home after a long day. No doubt, he would opt for either alcohol or coffee, though she hoped perhaps with the tiniest suggestion, he would unwittingly decide on the latter._  

_When she heard the door finally shut, her shoulders eased at the relief. He was finally here. The presence of another person warmed her soul like she couldn’t imagine, longing for him to finally find his way to the kitchen to be with her._

_“Hey, kitten.” His voice was husky and sounded exhausted, probably from the extra hours he had spent at work._ _She turned to him, leaving the mug forgotten on the bench as he leaned down to press his lips lightly to her own and his hands found their way to her waist._

_“I missed you,” she admitted, savouring every ounce of touch he gave her, breathing in the familiarity, and letting her eyes slip closed for just a moment while his lips found hers again._

_“I think I need a coffee,” he muttered, releasing her and seeing the mug with in reach, grabbing it and and trodding over to the machine on the counter. He didn’t offer her one, didn’t even look up, just pushed the button and filled the silence with the quiet whir of the mechanisms._

_Kara watched his every movement, inspecting for any signs of anger. He was weary, the etchings in his face telling her that his day wasn’t bad, per say… just long. And the moment he lifted the drink up to take a sip, he seemed to exhale whatever burden he was holding, evaporating off him with his caffeine habit. He wasn’t going to beat her today. His shoulders were too calm, and his shadow didn’t feel as dark as it sometimes did._

_Biting her lip, Kara leaned on the counter, soaking in her master's presence a while longer, since she had determined that this particular evening, he wasn’t going to hit her. The signs were… obvious to her now, they’d been together long enough that the smallest changes let her know when he was going to lose his cool. It was like she could sense the slightest in changes of atmospheric pressure, and know there was a thunderstorm coming._

_“Long day?” she asked, keeping her voice soft._

_"Yes, kitten. That it was.” He tilted his head sideways at her, noticing the deep way she was inspecting him. “What?”_

_“Nothing, Master.”_

_“Good. Now… where were we.” He placed the mostly finished drink down to walk back over to her, resuming his previous position with his hands at her waist. She relieved his tension by allowing him to kiss her again, going blank as his movements became less gentle, and more gluttonous._

_She stood her ground as his mouth moved to her neck, just staying completely still, knowing that this was her purpose – to keep her master appeased. It wasn’t as difficult as it once was. Just a normal day, allowing him to take what he wanted from her. She simply tilted her head to the side, allowing him to more easily and comfortably move his mouth down her collar, while her world became grey and void. There was no spark across her skin or butterflies stirring her heart. But he was close, and that was enough. This had become such a familiar thing, that she didn’t really mind it anymore. Sometimes, she even found herself to crave it, consuming any affection, however warped, that he would give her. It was all she had._

_“Take this off for me?” He rubbed the thin straps of her dress between his fingers, like he was admiring the fabric lazily, before his eyes came up with expectation. She didn’t even reply, just moved her hands behind her back and unzipped the dress quietly, letting it fall to the floor and stepping out of it. She waited for his next instruction, but instead found herself being lifted up onto the counter, to sit on it while her master pushed her knees away from each other to stand between her legs. She wasn’t used to being the same height as him. Her eyes caught his, before she realized her mistake and immediately turned them away in submission. He didn’t seem to notice though, too busy returning to his immediate desires, continuing to plunder her mouth and slither his hands up her thighs to grip her hips. There was no malice in his movements – not tonight. But there was no care, either. He was thoughtless and indifferent, like she didn’t even exist. He took what he wanted, with no regard for her at all._

_“And this?” He ran his thumbs over her bra, causing her to once again reach behind herself and unhook it for him, dropping it down to join her dress. Before long, his belt and pants followed, the dull thump of them both hitting the floor filling the cold and empty space. Kara remained aloof and docile, not giving any thought to the unremarkable act to which she was accustomed. They didn’t even move from the kitchen, he just fucked her against the counter. And then left._

_“I’m gonna take a shower.” He moved away, hinting at an early night. He just left her there, not even giving her a second glance._

_For a moment, she thought she would be hurt or disappointed by his abruptness, but she was waiting for feelings that didn’t come. He didn’t seem pleased, but he didn’t seem unhappy with her, either, so it didn’t really matter. She had done her duty to placate him, and that meant she had earned her keep for the day._

_Hopping down, she mindlessly grabbed her clothes, before retreating up the stairs._

_Just another day._

 

_*_

 

Kara had already changed into her normal attire, her grey cashmere sweater seeming to be one of her favourites, when Mon-El appeared at the top of the stairs with their hot drinks. She had a hand resting calmly on the glassy black piano, which was glinting at him in places from the sunlight pouring through the window. He opened his mouth to offer her the tea, but her gaze suddenly darted sideways to the window, and she rushed to the glass.

“Uhm… Kara?”

She ignored him, like she was looking for something, afraid to miss it, and he just stood their confused for a moment as her hopeful gaze melted into a puzzled, almost melancholic look. 

“What is it? What did you see?” He prompted her, at a complete loss as to her behaviour this morning. 

“Nothing. I just. For a moment, I thought I saw… something.” She let her gaze fall from the outside world and drew her attention back to Mon-El.

“Okay...? Well uhm… I made you a fresh cup of tea. Nice and hot.” Nodding at the drinks, he waited patiently for Kara to accept his peace offering.

“I’m sorry about…” she started to profusely apologize again, for her confusing behaviour, and if he was honest, Kara was being rather chaotic. But he shouldn’t have really expected anything less. She was making progress, and that was all that mattered.

“It’s fine, Kara, honestly.” He let it go, trying to do right by her. "Just… you could have… called… if you wanted to. You don’t have to try and entice me to come home. You _can_ ask for things, you know...” He pressed his lips together, not sure how she would react. He lifted the mug. "Did you want this? Or should I…” he was becoming unsure if she even _wanted_ the hot drink he was holding, taking a sip of his own coffee as he waited for her to come around.

“I’m s…”

“Kara.” He knew she was sorry. She didn’t have to keep apologizing.

She just nodded timidly and walked over to him to take the earl grey from his grasp, letting a few sips warm her chest before she spoke again. “Thank you."

“I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you. So, while we are doing the whole over apologizing thing, I might as well just throw that in there, too. I apologize for yelling, it was unfair and aggressive, and I want you to feel safe with me. I’m sorry that I did that.”

“It’s okay,” she mumbled.

“No, actually, it’s not. I can get… quite angry sometimes. And I never want to put that on you, or make you feel afraid of me. I got upset because of how... you’ve been treated, and in doing so did the very thing I hate. Forgive me.” He leaned down a bit, searching for her eyes – eyes that were too submissive to meet his own. His heart skipped a beat when she finally looked up, a deepness in her look that was all encompassing and vivid blue.

“I get it, Mon-El. And it's _okay._ ” She really meant it. He had reacted exactly how she thought he would. How she _purposed_ that he would. Mon-El wasn't angry with her, at least, she didn’t think he was? She didn’t fear his raised voice, because she knew it was coming from a deeper place. A darker place. Protective. For some reason, her past seemed to upset Mon-El, and since she’d come to realize that, it was fairly easy to wind him up. 

“Alright, now that’s out of the way…” he took another sip, wanting to get through at least half his drink before they sat down.

“Lessons?” She looked so hopeful from under those beautiful, long lashes, all her previous venom having vanished at some point between their argument and now. Gods help him. 

“Indeed,” Mon-El smiled into his cup, delighting in one of his many addictions. Coffee soothed his soul. (Or maybe it was... her eyes… they were… fuck it, was he loosing his mind?)

They moved to the piano, setting their cups down next to each other on a small table that Mon-El had dragged over to place close to the grand instrument. Lifting his hand, he gestured for her to sit. “Move over,” he chuckled when she didn’t leave him enough room, and she shuffled so that they could both sit at the piano.

“So…do you know any of the notes?”

“I know middle C…” 

“Good. And you can play a C chord?”

“Yes…” A small hint of a smile appeared, and he discerned that Kara liked having at least some understanding already. He started nice and easy for her, so at least she could feel a bit of satisfaction and confidence by knowing something.

“Alright, play that one for me,” he prompted. 

Using one hand, she pressed the three keys down and held the chord, while he put a finger delicately under her wrist to guide it up lightly, and then placed a hand against her back to straighten her spine more. 

“Posture,” he reminded her, starting with the foundations of technique. 

“Sorry, I…”

“Don’t. You’re learning. Lots of mistakes will be made, and that’s half of practicing.” So long as she was open to corrections and instruction, he had no doubt she would do well. She loved to learn, examining and noticing the smallest things and details. If such humble things could pique her interest, he deemed it quite likely she would progress easily with learning an instrument.

Kara pressed her lips together to hold her tongue, naturally feeling the need to apologize for every single little thing he corrected. But he was right. This was new. Well… sort of new. 

“Both hands?”

“But... I can’t”

“You can. You’re left-handed.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” She scrunched her face up, wondering why that mattered.

“You naturally use both hemispheres of your brain. Most people are right-handed, meaning the use their left brain quite dominantly. You however, use both. You can learn languages faster, are potentially more creative, and the synapses in your brain have developed more connections than most people.”

“That’s... a lot of big words.”

“Sorry. It means this will be easier for you to pick up, and that you need to stop doubting your abilities. I don’t at all doubt you could be fantastic at this with practice. You’re gifted, Kara. Need I remind you that I’ve seen your art…”

“Oh.” She lifted both hands to make the shapes of the chord, and then played the simple few that she knew. 

“I thought you said you didn’t know how to play.” He raised his brows at her, though it was more to boost her confidence than anything.

“Some. Not like you though…and I’ve… I've mostly forgotten.” She felt nervous under his scrutiny, but.. he wasn’t criticizing her. He almost kept… complimenting her.

“Alright, well it's mostly patterns. Or numbers. Whichever way works best for you. Some of your learning may come back, but we will have to see. Once you learn the patterns, it will be a piece of cake.”

“Ooh, can we make cake later?” Her stomach grumbled, already dying at the prospect of him mentioning the word.

“How about chocolate pecan pie?”

“Oh my gosh.” He remembered that? It was her absolute favourite!

“Only if you _concentrate_ on your lesson.”

“Deal.”

 

*

 

They were nearly finished, and Mon-El had an arm around her back. Using his right hand up an octave from where she was playing, he showed her new chord progressions and played along with her. It was warm and comforting, and she even surprised herself when random fragments came back to her mind, as if they were always there, waiting to be woken up. A few chords lingered under her fingertips before she even realized she knew them, the music both therapeutic and also somehow reminding her of an inner self, long since forgotten. 

“You’re a fast learner.” His breath was warm next to her ear, and the way he was draped around her almost made her heart flutter. 

“You’re a good teacher,” she replied, not daring to look up from the keys, though she could feel his intense gaze on her. 

“I think that’s enough for today. More soon. Promise.” His voice was a low rumble. She somehow noticed his change in pitch after listening so intently to the notes they’d been practicing and committing to memory. 

“Did I earn my pecan pie?”

He laughed, “I’m glad that motivated you, but, to be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve had a decent dessert. I would have made it even if you sucked.” He winked at her, before turning slightly serious. “You don’t have to _earn_ anything with me. It was just a good little way to encourage you. 

“Well I think it worked.” Kara was smiling, though, she wasn’t quite sure if it was the chocolate dessert that was motivating her. She… wanted to be good at this. And, she’d be lying if she didn’t adore the warmth of Mon-El so close, his solid frame next to her, letting an arm silp around her back when he was teaching. It didn’t take much effort to desire sitting at the piano with him and try to absorb everything Mon-El was saying. 

 

*

 

“Kara, you are suppose to MELT the chocolate, not eat it!"

“Sorry," she mumbled through her full mouth as she continued breaking pieces off the block into the metal bowl, stirring it quietly over the boiler with a wooden spoon, all the while looking like a chipmunk.

"I should have made you cut up the pecans. Can’t trust you around sweets, it seems…” he called over his shoulder teasingly, while he roughly chopped them up.

"How did you learn to make this?” Kara wondered aloud.

“Uhm… I spent a lot of time with our servants.”

“You had servants?” Kara swallowed, the sweetness leaving her tongue almost immediately, replaced instead with a bitter fire. 

“I guess? I mean. Yes. Yes, I did. We did. At my family home.”

Kara didn’t know what to say.

“They were well paid, compensated for their time, and their families benefited greatly. They were treated kindly.”

“But you still had _servants.”_  

“You're right. The… inequality itself is the injustice. They had chosen to be there, and they could leave their place of employment any time. But, you are right, it is unfair for some to be considered beneath others. As if my family is more important than other people's families. 

"Then why didn’t you do something about it?" 

"About my parents making their own adult choices?” He turned around, surprised to hear her challenging him, but was quickly distracted by the bowl she wasn’t paying attention to. "Kara.. don’t let that burn, you need to take it off the stove...” He gestured to the chocolate which was getting a bit too hot. 

“Sorry. I just… was thinking.”

“It’s alright, it’s good for you to speak your mind. I’m not offended.”

“Huh?”

“You have... values. It’s nice to see you expressing them. Things you care about… some of us.. don’t really have that.”

“You have that…”

“What?”

“You spent time with them. You could have just… let them serve you and then walk off. I guess I don’t really know you well enough to judge you.”

“They were people – are people. I may have been a spoiled child but I wasn’t a complete arsehole.” He shrugged. 

“Only a little bit of an arsehole then…” She bit down a smile. He left that one open, his fault. She was met with raised brows, as if Mon-El was utterly surprised that she might make a joke. “...Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” 

“Like I have two heads!”

“Let’s be honest here, sometimes I think you have at least three...” He didn’t really mean it to sound so condescending. Sometimes jokes were made in partial truth, and he didn’t realize his tease was offensive untill after it had come out. Shit. Kara scowled at him for his fuck up. “Sorry, that was… uncalled for.”

“And completely accurate.” She spun around and left her back to him, clenching her jaw shut. Ironically enough, her sudden change in mood only further proved him correct, one moment making a joke, the next putting her back to him, seething and trying not to concentrate on the fact that Mon-El had pointed out one of her many flaws. 

She felt his hands on her forearms, as he came up behind her and she nearly jumped. “It’s okay, Kara." 

“What, my uncontrollable, insatiable, _insanity?_ ”

“Yes.”

“ _What_?” She turned to look at him, not believing he could possibly be serious.

“I mean. It’s taking a while… you know… to get to learn _you_. You’re more complex than most, but, that’s pretty understandable, I think.” He shrugged, prepared to learn her quirks and help Kara heal. 

“And you’re… okay with my… ‘complexities'…?” She wasn’t even sure she wanted to know the answer. But he was so calm, so genuine. 

“Sure. I mean, you confuse the hell out of me, but, you’re worth caring about. Sorry if my jokes are a little off key.”

“ _Off key._ ” She snorted, somewhat ungracefully. 

"That… that wasn’t meant to be a joke.” He stumbled awkwardly, realizing his stupid pun. Did she not even notice he had just told her that he cared about her?

Kara softened, his validation winning her over. “Your jokes are terrible,” she smiled, hoping he would too. 

“Can’t be great at everything.” Mon-El merely shrugged and took the spoon out of the bowl that was cooling, before he swiped a small bit of chocolate on Kara’s nose. He watched her go crossed eyed at it and used the distraction as opportunity to lick the spoon.

“Hey!”

“Hey what! You ate the chocolate, I get to lick the spoon.” He grinned, enjoying his little win. “You can lick the spatula. Promise.”

Chucking the wooden spoon in the sink, Mon-El scraped the melted chocolate from the bowl into the whisked eggs and other ingredients, before letting Kara mix it all together. He went to pick up the mixture to pour it in the crust when he saw she had already begun to lift it up.

“In here?” She asked, looking for confirmation. He nodded, and she poured it all into the dish and used the spatula to make sure all of it was used up and perfectly smoothed down. “MINE.” She gleefully took the spatula to her tongue. “Don’t trust you either,” she teased, getting bits of chocolate around her soft lips and some on her chin.

“Well played. Well played.”

He put the dessert in the oven while she continued to delight in the chocolatey goodness, setting the timer and noticing they still had quite a bit of their Tuesday left to do some more things.

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #bpd


	41. Glimpse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to dedicate this chapter to 3 people: My newest reader, Marie, who read the entire 100k in ONE SITTING start to finish and then left me a lovely comment. The anon that sent me some TLATR love on tumblr. And @lahaina-girl on tumblr who also sent me some TLATR appreciation. Hope the chapter was worth the little bit of a wait. (Sorry).
> 
> xx

\--

 

After another knife lesson and way too much pie, (and of course, a bit of reading), Kara had, yet again, crashed out on the couch. Her quiet breathing became slower, until her depleted body finally surrendered and she fell sleep. Mon-El was yet to show her how to make simple yet incredibly tasting pasta, and he had been wanting to teach Kara some dinner making skills. But she'd had a long day, and they had plenty of time. So instead, Mon-El carried her sleeping form to bed to let her rest. 

He decided to go for a long run, feeling the brisk cold cut through his lungs while he cleared his mind and let everything go blank. He let his troubles disintegrate, expelled from his body along with his mist-like breaths, and he let each jolt of his feet hitting pavement become a rhythm. The harmonious thumps kept his mind blank as Mon-El pushed himself to his limits, feeling the tightness in his chest, the suffocating of his muscles, and the strain against each tendon, pulled taut. He just let it all go. 

Pain. 

Void. 

Nothingness. 

 

*

 

The next day was more of the same – a bit of piano and plant watering, between cups of tea and books. He went easy on Kara during a bit more of her training, though he laughed when Kara tried (and failed) to do a push up.

“Just because you having fucking biceps!” Kara groaned, her face smushed into the ground as she refused to get up. 

“Yeah, well, I had to work hard to get these puppies.” He tried not to laugh again at her mini tantrum. She was not even attempting to stand, rather, was just laying there with her arms at her sides. “That looks comfortable…” he teased.

“Oh, shut the hell up.” Kara's words were muffled by the way her cheek was pressed into the concrete, making him chuckle. 

“It’s not going to happen over night, you know…” He tried to be a little more encouraging, watching as the puddle of limbs and blonde locks finally sat up, crossing her legs and looking up at him. 

“I know. Still, would be nice…” Kara rolled her eyes and reached over for her knife which had been sitting next to her, spinning it on the heel of her thumb. 

“When did you learn to do that?” Mon-El quirked an eyebrow up, watching the knife continue to spin completely balanced and controlled.

“Not sure if you’ve noticed, but I have a lot of time on my hands.” Her unimpressed expression worked it’s way into her tone, and Mon-El thought now might be a good time to escape the bounds of the house. She _had_ spent a lot of time here, and it wasn’t really fair of him to leave her behind all the time, just because he needed to keep Kara a secret. He could keep her safe. He _would_ keep her safe.

"We should uhm.. get out of here. What do you reckon? Just for a little bit?” His offer was probably a little scary for her, but, she liked the park well enough. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad taking her up the coast a little... Seeing some new things... 

“And do what?” Kara got up and dusted off her leggings, before looking up at him intrigued. 

"How would you feel about… taking a little spin on the back of my motorcycle? Up the coast for the rest of the afternoon? And then back for dinner – promise I’ll teach you how to make the best pasta on Earth." 

“Uhm…”

“You don’t have to. Motorbikes can be kinda intimidating. Might be nice to get out of here though, huh?”

Getting on that back of that… _thing_ wasn’t really something she’d thought about. But...to spend even more time with him? And maybe see some beautiful views that she could come home and paint after? It did sound scary. But, it was also tempting. She would be with Mon-El. What could really scare her if she was with him? “Can… can I try?”

“Really? You’d actually be keen?” Mon-El's involuntary grin widened at her considering his offer. 

“Just. For a little bit, though. Would… would we be able to stop… if I don’t like it?”

“Of course. Just tap me on the shoulder and pull your visor up. I’ll get the message.”

“What’s a visor?” She tested the word out on her tongue, but it still seemed a little strange.

“Oh, uhm. It’s the… the thingy… on the helmet, just um. I’ll show you after we get ready.” He dismissed it with a slight wave of his hand – it wasn’t really important. "You’ll want to wear your leather boots – the solid ones. And your gloves, too. It’s pretty cold out, especially if we are going fast.”

“Oh… I didn’t think about that.” 

Mon-El caught the way Kara’s gaze fell, becoming nervous and unsure. Perhaps he should start slow, quite literally in this case. “I don’t have to go fast, though?” He searched for her eyes to reassure her, since she still was at least considering the idea. He didn’t want to scare her off. 

“It’s… I’m just not sure if I’ll… _you know._ ” She was alluding to the way she sometimes freaked out, her fears pulling her into their suffocating hold. Putting herself in the position to allow that kind of thing to happen wasn’t exactly the nicest thing to consider. 

“How about this, we can just go round the block once. And if you hate it, we can do something else. No biggie.” Mon-El shrugged, not really knowing what she would think of his bike. She might like the freedom it gave her. But it might also very well just spike her anxiety.

“And if I like it…?"

“Then I’ll show you the world as it’s meant to be seen.” He smiled, and Kara nodded, accepting the compromise. “And uhm… sorry to make you get changed again but.. gotta have some decent jeans for this trip.” 

She would be over the engine and he wasn’t sure those things would hold up against the hot metal.

“Of course.”

 

*

 

Mon-El pulled out the leather jacket he had gotten Kara the first time he decided to buy her some clothes, and reached for his spare helmet tucked away in the back of the wardrobe. Dusting it off, he realized this might not actually be the safest thing for her. He would have to concentrate and go a little slower than usual, but he would keep her safe.

When he knocked on Kara’s door, she emerged in some decent clothing and her thick boots, holding her gloves in her mouth while she tied her hair up. He couldn’t believe it. Out of all the things he had bought her. Out of all of her jeans she could have randomly picked from her things, she was wearing THE jeans. _THE_. Jeans. They were candy apple red, and the thought of her on the back of his motorcycle in those things had his tongue going slightly dry. Shit, this was the worst and best idea he had thought of all day. Sure, he had _maybe_  imagined it when he bought them all those months ago. For like… a split second. It might even be why he bought them in the first place. But he didn’t really expect it to actually happen. Fuck. 

Shaking the thoughts aside, he waited for Kara to finish up her hair before offering the jacket. “Leather jacket. To protect you if you come off.”

“Uhm…”

“I mean, I’d never let that happen – but strong boots, some protective gear, and a helmet are always a good idea.” He held up the motorcycle helmet for effect, shaking it lightly.

"Then why do you ride that thing in a t-shirt?” she challenged.

"I… let’s not use that as an example. It’s stupid. And I know it is. But sometimes being a little reckless is my rebellion against the world.” Leading the way down the hall, he could practically feel Kara chastising him for his actions, her gaze burning holes in the back of his shoulders. 

"Putting yourself in danger?"

“Yeah. It’s my middle finger to the life I have to lead,” he shrugged, continuing down the hall.

“You keep saying that,” Kara grumbled, and he turned around to see her face was doing that crinkle thing again.

"Saying what?"

" _Have to_. Like you don’t have a choice.” She crossed her arms, her eyes turning dark.

"I don’t."

"Being a coward is not the same as _not having a choice_ , Mon-El. You don’t know anything about not having a choice.” 

Wow, okay. Where… did.. that come from? “I um…” he didn’t really know what to say to that. She thought he was a coward? Fuck her. And yet… she was probably right. “You’re a lot more blunt than I expected you would be, you know that?” Mon-El put the helmet down a moment and habitually went over to feed Duke, shaking a few fish flakes into the water and watching the goldie rise to the surface to grab them. 

“You’re not suppose to do that.”

“Shit. Sorry… I forgot.”

“I’m sure he won’t at all mind the extra.” Kara rolled her eyes, knowing the reference she was making to herself that Mon-El would never even pick up. 

“I’m... sorry about the way I talk. If that upsets you.”

She huffed in response. “No, see, that’s the thing. It upsets YOU. And you don’t do anything about it.” Kara’s face continued to scrunch and form lines that disrupted her beautiful features, but she wasn’t making any sense.

“My life doesn’t upset me…?”

“Sure it doesn’t.” She reached over and grabbed the helmet, heading for the door. And he guessed that the conversation was over. 

Mon-El locked the door and strode over to his Ducati, hopping on and flicking the stand up. He walked it away from his car so that he could start it. “You sure about this?”

Kara shook her head. “Nope.” 

She put the helmet on anyway and flicked the thingy up so that she could still talk to Mon-El, the protective shielding in the way of her ability to talk. Oh. Okay, _that_ was the visor. 

“I’ll be surprised if you don’t love it,” Mon-El grinned.

“You’re biased.”

“True.” He grabbed his own helmet from where it was hanging on the handle bars and pulled it on, before kicking the bike to life in one swift movement. The sound was somewhere between a roar and a purr, but suddenly Kara was feeling a new kind of anticipation. Not a… fearful kind. Almost… eager. “Hop on,” He grinned, calling over the sound of the engine and nodding to the space behind him. 

He was a bit surprised that Kara didn’t hesitate. She simply walked up and gracefully managed to climb up behind him and sit on the back. Well. This was. Different. He’d never had a girl on the back of his beloved motorcycle before.

Kara realized that the most obvious place to hold on was to _him_. Wrapping one arm around his middle, she saw him nod and point to her visor, which she flicked down and then let her other hand slide around so she could clasp them both together. Feeling his gloves, Mon-El had simply patted the tops of her hands to make sure she was holding on, before pulling in the clutch. The moment of truth… 

He took it pretty easy down the long driveway, but once he was on the road. Well. Let's just say, going slow probably wasn’t one of Mon-El’s strong suits when it came to vehicles. Her heart was thundering but it was quickly drowned out by the roar of the bike, and it took only a moment to adjust. After that… she could have sat on the back of that thing forever. It was thrilling. Freeing. And  _wonderful_. She felt all her burdens and shackles just fall off, vanishing in the wind behind them with the blur of the rest of the world. She was probably trembling underneath her gloves, but she didn’t notice any of that. Instead, Kara let the rush overwhelm her, drawing closer to Mon-El, her anchor in the blurs of speed and cold. She tightened her grip around him, listening to the rise and fall of the engine, and rested her head on Mon-El's back, closing her eyes.

When they stopped. 

Kara pulled back and sat up properly, surprised to be ripped from her dream world so soon. Oh, right. They were back at the driveway already. 

He popped the visor up to see how she was doing, and she did the same. “So. How was that?”

“You have... no idea,” she breathed. She couldn’t even begin to explain the divine feelings. It was perfect. She felt free.

“So, you think you’d like to go up the coast, then?” His eyes near sparkled, and she nodded in return, smiling properly for the first time since the Sanctuary Gardens. He knew that gaze, the one where she was lost in a new world. A whole other place where her pain didn’t exist. And right now, he could give her that – if only for a while. “Hold on then." He winked at her before returning his attention forward, checking again that she was holding on to him by lowering his hand to hers, before turning out the driveway the other way this time. They would follow the cliffs for a while, as the jagged face of the coast fell away down towards the sea.

 _Gosh, he wished they’d done this sooner,_ he thought. 

 _Gosh, she wished they’d done this sooner,_ she thought. 

 

*

 

By the time they had made it up the coast, Kara’s heart wasn’t just full – it was bursting. There was a new feeling of sunlight cutting through every dark shadow, and she swore this is what angels probably felt like – light and flying and free. She had seen churning ocean waters from so high up it was magic, and felt like they could have touched the sky if they wanted to. The surge of power from the engine caused something new to wake, making her feel stronger – invulnerable.

She was dazzled by visions of sky meeting sea, limitless open spaces, infinite greens and golds and blues. There were light dustings of snow in places, blanketing trees, and all the while she felt an immeasurable warmth coming from Mon-El. _Mon-El._ She was here with _him._ This was all from _him._

_…I’ll show you the world as it’s meant to be seen._

Did he somehow understand that this was what she needed? That he could show her how beautiful the world was, if only she would let him? 

Kara leaned forward again to rest her weight on his back, holding tight as she closed her eyes. She felt one of his hands come back to grip her thigh securely – just barely for a moment, as if checking that she was alright before he needed his hand again to direct them. It was a wondrous dream that she never wanted to wake from.

It was nearly dusk when they pulled off to the side of the road, and Kara had no idea where they were. She didn’t care. She was in another universe altogether. Mon-El flicked the stand down before killing the engine and lifting his helmet off, but she didn’t let go. Not yet. 

Kara felt his hands cover hers and grip them, silently asking her to unpry them from around his middle, and she let go to finally sit up properly. 

“Want to hop off and take a look?” He spoke off to the side, unable to turn to her while he was balancing them both upright. Kara sighed and removed herself to swing down and stand on the ground, suddenly finding that her feet didn't really know what they were doing. 

“Woahhh, easy.” Mon-El chuckled, having jumped off and grabbed onto her hips to keep her upright. She clearly wasn’t used to riding. When she pulled her helmet off, she was still a little unstable, watching Mon-El’s smug grin as he bit down some joke or tease and didn’t say what he was thinking out loud. 

“I may look like I had the worst time right now, but that was wonderful.” She spoke shyly, and he simply gestured to over her shoulder. 

"You’re missing the view.”

Kara turned and nearly gasped. The sky was turning pink and gold, and where the sun met the horizon, Rao’s light cut like fire and reflected off the ocean. She was quickly stunned into silence, but felt a hand at he waist as Mon-El guided her forward to the grass at the hill's edge.

"Let's sit. Before you fall over on your ass anyway..." Mon-El teased her for her unsteady footing, but she let him guide her to sit, letting out the breath she had been holding. It was insanely beautiful. She didn’t know sights like this existed.

“I've never... this is... wow." She could barely make words as the colours continued to dance and change, something spectacular about the way yellow could turn to orange so seamless and smooth.

"You've never seen a sunset before?" Mon-El felt a knife go through his throat, not expecting to feel so hurt by that admission. She had really lived her entire life and never seen a sunset? He gripped one of Kara's hands and pulled it into his lap, holding her tight while she got lost in the simple beauty of the landscape.

"I mean. When I was a child. Maybe few times. But I'd forgotten... how... beautiful it was."

She felt Mon-El squeeze her hand in reassurance as they returned to silence. Just watching and breathing.

 

*

 

It was dark when they travelled back, and Mon-El lowered a hand to Kara’s gloves often, to check she wasn’t falling asleep on him. He guessed she was probably watching the glow of distant city lights getting closer, though it _felt_ like she had fallen asleep with the way she was leaning into him. But every time he lowered his hand, she would raise one to cover his, holding it for a moment in silent communication. 

Eventually, the tree lines became thicker and the number of houses increased, until they were in the suburban area that Mon-El and a lot of the other rich folk around lived in. Pulling into the driveway quietly, Mon-El started to think about food and a decent coffee – Gods, he was hungry and hadn’t realized how starving he was until he thought about it. 

After he parked up, Mon-El quickly swung his leg over the front, a little bit awkward and not at all the way he would usually dismount a motorcycle, but he wanted to help Kara down, knowing that after a long ride she might not survive returning to a standing position without falling over. 

He helped her down, and as he guessed, he had to hold her upright for a few moments, her hands around his neck while he took most of her weight. Her feet may have been on the ground, but her legs were not exactly working yet – she would be fine after walking around a bit and getting the blood flowing again. “Come on. I’m starving, aren’t you?” He turned for the house but felt Kara’s fierce grip pulling him back around to face her.

_“Mon-El.”_ She stopped him before he could leave for the house, so that she could really look him in the eye and thank him properly. He just seemed curious, waiting for whatever she was going to say. It didn’t seem like enough – merely saying the words. But she forced them out anyway. “Thank you. Truely.” She bit her lip and watched his lazy smile turn smug. 

“Glad you liked it.” He pulled away and headed for the steps, leading the way inside and turning the lights on. He moved straight to the kitchen, feeling more than a little peckish. There was still the chocolate pecan pie in the fridge, which he pulled out along with their dinner ingredients. He heard Kara wander off to the bathroom, so took the opportunity to slice off a decent chunk of dessert and plop it in his mouth. Ugh it was so good! 

Eventually, Kara returned and joined him in the kitchen, looking brighter than he had previously noticed. She was practically glowing. 

“So. Want to become a master chef?” He chuckled at her confused expression.

“Huh?”

“Just another lame joke, come on, I’ll teach you how to make something easy. We can work up to master chef later...”

“You stole some of my pecan pie!” She gaped, seeing the dish out on the counter with a clear indication that Mon-El had already taken some.

“Yours?! I would like to think that it is both of ours, thank you very much. It was a team effort, and I must say… delicious.” he winked, watching her scowl like he’d taken something from her.

“Pass me a spoon.”

“But I’m about to teach you…”

“Spoon, or I use my fingers.” She crossed her arms. That girl meant business.

“Fine.” He reached over and pulled a spoon from the drawer, letting her dig straight in to the rest of their pie without getting a plate or cutting some off. She just stuck it in the middle and ate whatever part she wanted, until she looked pleased with herself. 

“Good. Now we are even. So. Pasta, was it?”

“Indeed.”

 

*

 

Dinner was nearly ready and Kara hadn’t cut any of her fingers off, so that was good. She was at the stove stirring the sauce quietly, when he approached her and peeked over her shoulder. “Looks ready. What do you reckon, should we taste it?”

“Sure.” Kara dipped her finger in lightly and somehow managed not to burn herself, taking a little bit from the edge and bringing it to her mouth. “ _Oh my gosh_.”

“What… does it suck?”

“Don’t be mean! It’s really good!’

“Here, let me.” He took the spoon from her and she was indeed correct. It tasted supremely good. “Shucks. I better kick you out of the kitchen before you get better than me at this.”

“Oh, shut it. I’m hungry. Can we eat it now?”

“No…”

“What? Why?!”

“I’m just teasing, Kara. It’s perfect.” _You’re perfect. Fuck. Reel it back in, Mon-El. Stop._

Kara looked up at him like she’d caught his thoughts red handed, giving him a puzzled tilt of her head. “What?” she asked.

“Nothing.” He passed her a plate with pasta on it so she could finish dishing up her meal, before reaching for his own. "Let’s eat!”

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward. Here's some author notes. *fidgets nervously*
> 
>  
> 
> 1\. So, anyone who knows me knows that I’m in no way shape or form a Melwood stan. To the point where I nearly cut this chapter purely because I didn’t want any one to to associate my scenes with a particular IRL couple. I know I don’t need to say it but I’m going to anyway because I feel kinda shit about the fact that this was always in my outline (at LEAST 3 months before any Instagrams of motorcycles and IRL people). This was always the plan, right from the first chapter which is why I mentioned Mon-El’s bike in Ch. 1. This was always coming. And, to be honest, I’m still feeling pretty shitty that some people may think this is a MW influence, because HELL TO THE ABSOLUTE NO, IT IS NOT. I’m here for fiction. Don’t talk to me about MW. (Yeah, I’m not even writing the full name for them anymore.) I will never ever ever be writing any form of fanfic based on IRL people, ever. Because. NO. That is not me. Just want to be clear even though I'm sure no one even gives a shit. I'm telling you anyway.
> 
> 2\. Cool. I’ve said what I needed to. Now that I got off my chest, let's pretend that didn't just happen. 
> 
> 3\. If you want to win my heart, take me on the back of your motorcycle. Honestly, it's the dream.
> 
> 4\. But also, don’t bother. I’m a borderline, and we don’t do well in relationships. 
> 
> 5\. Sorry that this took so long to update, this chapter was puling teeth and between work and more work and mental breakdowns... lol. It just didn’t get done when I promised you all it would be updated ages ago.
> 
> 6\. But good news, 42 and 43 are already done. So. Expect a few quick updates. They will both be out this week. 
> 
> 7\. This is the longest end note i’ve ever written and I’m so so sorry.
> 
> 8\. As always thank you thank you too my beta @maybetomorrow who deserves a gold star and a kitkat. And my girls from FF + Angst demons. I love you all SM. xo
> 
> 9\. I feel like i need to reach ten because I’m this far down a list and ending at 8 is just wrong.
> 
> 10\. Go read 'Never Let Me Go' by fangirlintheforest. I’m fucking obsessed.


	42. Fractures.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When the mind is at peace, the demons release_
> 
>  
> 
> _When the air is still, they come for the kill_
> 
>  
> 
> _When the heart sighs, the monsters arise_
> 
>  
> 
> _When the walls fall low, beware the shadows._

 

* * *

_Unsurprisingly, her master came home later than usual, like he often did on Friday nights. She heard his car pull in and waited patiently for him, silently praying to Rao that he hadn't been drinking too much. The week hadn’t been so bad, but he had been working so much lately, Kara found herself unable to fall asleep without knowing he was home._

_Taking her hair out of her ponytail, she quickly skimmed her fingers through any small knots and fluffed it up a little bit, just enough to be presentable for him, before she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. She politely waited for him._

_“Hey kitten. I’ve got a little surprise for you.” Her master swung the door open and seemed to be in a good mood.. which was… strange. But a relief._  
  
_“Oh?”_  
  
_“I’ve organized a little playmate for you.” He grinned as he opened the door a little further, revealing a girl Kara had never seen before. She had been silently waiting behind him, and Kara swallowed hard, seeing someone even younger than she was._

 _The girl had gorgeous long, brown hair – dead straight – and stunning green eyes with astonishing lashes. But she seemed like perhaps she had been at a club, from what Kara could make of her outfit and makeup – out drinking perhaps, at one of the places Vik frequented. (Though, she looked to be underage. She shouldn’t have been allowed alcohol there, unless, of course, a charming male decided to sneak her a few…)_  
  
_“This is Lydia. She’ll be joining us tonight... Should be fun.” There was a sparkle in her master’s eyes showing how utterly pleased he was to have found someone to his liking, and Kara couldn’t help but grip the sides of the bed in her distress. She stood up, bringing her pleading eyes up to his._  
  
_“But… she’s….” She was young. And appeared untrained. Perhaps even a little confused? The girl’s gaze remained locked on a place on the floor as she stood dead still, holding her hands in front of her as politely as she could manage while trembling._  
  
_“She’s what? Young and beautiful? Don’t worry, my love, you’re still my girl.” He let his possessive gaze linger on Kara before looking Lydia up and down as well - like she was some beautiful painting he had just brought home and decided to show off. As if he had merely purchased the girl on a whim, and didn’t at all think her to be an actual person. It made Kara sick._  
  
_“Please, I… I just want it to be us,” she managed, trying to somehow free the other girl from the torment she would no doubt endure if she was forced to spend the night._  
  
_“Now, now… you wouldn’t deny me this, would you, kitten?” Her master’s eyes bore into her, the light threat apparent in his tone._  
  
_“Please... I’ve never disobeyed you. I’ve never asked you for anything. Please, Vik…You can do anything you want to me. Just... let her go.“_  
  
_The lovely brunette shuffled uncomfortably and pressed her lips together, attempting to contain her growing fear… and there was just something about the way she held herself that Kara recognized — she herself probably looked like that when she was trying not to burst into tears.  Lydia was clearly not here by choice, or at least, had only just come to realize what was actually happening. Kara tried to think of how she could possibly stop things from going too far._

 _“You WILL listen to me, Kara. You wouldn’t want to ruin my night, would you?!” he challenged, scowling and using her real name for the first time in years. It was her master’s way of getting her full attention, threatening, as if scolding her. Kara saw the first tell tale signs of his rage appearing, the way his jaw was so tightly shut the veins on his neck started to protrude a little._  
  
_"You know I wouldn’t want that, Master.” She tried to calm him. To appeal to his dominance. Flicking her eyes between Vik and the girl, who was still standing completely still. Lydia was was trying not to draw any attention to herself and didn’t say a word._

 _“Well, then. I think you’d better get undressed.” Vik just crossed his arms and looked expectantly at Kara for her to obey._  
  
_“No.”_  
  
_“Excuse me?!”_  
  
_“Not until she leaves.” Kara stood her ground, trying to remain calm though her heart was slamming harshly in her chest and making her dizzy with the rumbling in her ears. She was terrified. But a part of her knew that it… that this… was wrong. She had learnt to accept her fate. But she wouldn’t wish it on anyone else._  
  
_“You jealous little bitch!”_  
  
_“Yes, I am jealous…” She spoke as she noticed an opportunity. "I am yours, and only yours. I don’t want to share.” Kara spoke confidently. Boldly. Perhaps if she appealed to his ego, she just might have a chance to let the young girl go free._  
  
_“You will DO whatever I TELL you to do!!” He growled. “…And if you have to force you and teach you a fucking lesson, so be it!” He paced across the room over to where Kara was standing, gripping around her neck as he began to give her a lecture on how one should properly treat their master. Her head was spinning, and she couldn’t make out the words he was saying, but she… had to staying strong. Just long enough to somehow make sure… that.. that...Lydia... could… leave... while he was... distracted._

_She felt faint, but continued to let him berate her. He pulled her hair back at an awkward angle as he shouted into her face. But she could take it. She had to “….You are TO RESPECT ME, at ALL times, YOU HEAR?! YOU BELONG TO ME! You don’t get to make choices or decisions. Your purpose is to SERVE ME!!”_

_“…Go! Please, Lydia. Just...go...” she gasped, her voice rasping against her throat. But she was relieved to find the other girl didn’t need any more encouragement, seeing the monster in front of her fully take form, bursting into a fit of rage and roughly handling Kara._

 

_*_

_Lydia took off as fast as should could, thankful that the beautiful blonde had made such an effort to let her escape. She wouldn’t waste her opportunity. She flew down the stairs and managed to slip out the door and through the gate that was still open. But she had no phone, and was a little tipsy from all the drinks he had continually bought her all night. Where was her purse?! SHIT. She continued to stumble down the road and started to slow when she was further from the house... no one seemed to be following._

_Continuing at a brisk walk, she passed a few side streets, looking around at the houses in the dark to try figure out where she was._

_Surely, no one would follow. Pfff, he wouldn’t even know which direction she had gone in. Suddenly, she was kind of relieved it was night time. Though it was eerie and a bit scary being somewhere this quiet, no one would be able to spot her that easy._ _Ugh, but she felt like someone could jump out at her from behind every tree and kill her right then and there. Her adrenaline had spiked, setting some of the blurs of the alcohol aside, but her head was still spinning a lot. And.. Kira…no.. Kara… Kara had been taking a beating when she left. She shouldn’t have left. But._ _She was his girlfriend, right? She had to be. She clearly LIVED there._

_Wait. It was… too quiet. Lydia realized she was no where NEAR Central. FUCK. She was cold and…and lost._

_Seeing some headlights, she was nearly hit by the car as she ran out on to the road to try get their attention, out of breath and about to throw up._  
  
_“Hey. You alright, hun?” she heard someone call from the window as they lowered it. She nearly collapsed._  
  
_“ImPleaseSomeone. Tried. To…”_  
  
_“Woah woah woahhh. Slow down, sweetheart. What’s wrong?”_  
  
_“A man. He. Got me drunk. I… I don’t know where I am. I have no phone. I… I think he was going to… take advantage of me.” As she finished her words her eyes went wide, seeing the young man in front of her had tattoos and a hardened face. His leather jacket was tight around his huge biceps, and when he clenched his jaw tightly shut, she was afraid again. Could he be just as bad? Did he know the man that had seemed so nice at the club, offering to drive her home to get there safe before…_

 _“I despise men like that. I’m sorry that happened to you. Could I give you a ride home?” He offered politely. "I’ll understand if you don’t trust me, though, and don’t want to get in my car. … It’s a very nice car tho… new rims!” He smiled at her and seemed a little dangerous… but charming. To be honest, she might not even mind being taken advantage of by HIM, well, if he decided not to take her home. He was GORGEOUS. Oh gods. The drinks were still hitting her so fucking hard._  
  
_“Uhm...Please. Is that okay? I’m… so lost.”_  
  
_“Of course. I wouldn’t want someone else to pick you up. Lots of dodgy guys around here, you’re not exactly in the best neighbourhood.”_  
  
_She got in the seat of his mustang, wondering why it was a bad neighbourhood if everyone was so rich._  
  
_“So, you got a name? There’s a water bottle in the back if you can reach it.”_  
  
_“I’m Lydia… and uhhh… thanks.”_  
  
_“Nice to meet you. Sorry that guys can be such arseholes.”_  
  
_“Are you an arsehole?”_  
  
_“Probably. But not the type to take advantage of pretty girls. I’m Mike.”_  
  
_“Oh. Uhm. Nice to meet you.”_  
  
_“Where would you like me to drop ya? You live nearby?”_  
  
_“Apartment on Atlas Place.”_  
  
_“Sorry, I don’t actually know where that is.”_  
  
_“Uhm. It’s near Victoria Street.”_  
  
_“Oh, you're in Central. That won’t take too long. Plus, I drive fast.” He seemed rather smug, like he was one of those guys that got ALL the girls… of course, he didn’t take advantage of them, they probably threw themselves at him and he got to pick and choose as he wanted. He interrupted her thoughts by passing her the small metallic tube, flicking it open for her. "Mint?”_  
  
_“Thanks.” She really needed to get her thing for bad boys under control. How the fuck did she end up nearly… with… ugh… no. She didn’t even want to think about it. But now she was in a car with another bad boy and.. for heaven’s sake…. her father was going to kill her._

_She thought about the blonde girl and how she had called her boyfriend her ‘master.’ What the fuck? Maybe they were just into kinky shit. But. He was clearly violent after being so charming. And that Kara girl… she had tried to free her right? She didn’t seem all that jealous. More like the girl was just trying to win him over or manipulate him into only fucking her, and not the both of them. As if the girl wasn’t even worried for herself, just wanted her to be able to leave unharmed. What the heck... Surely it would make sense after the rest of the alcohol wore off. She would think about it then._

_*_

_"YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!"_

_Her master disgraced and humiliated her, before once again beating her until she was a puddle of bruises, her eye swelling and she was barely able to see through the blood dripping from her brow. She choked on the familiar metallic taste in her mouth until he finally let her go and continued muttering his foul displeasure and scorn at her defiance. Kara took painfully contracted breaths and shuddered on the ground before she heard him storm out and slam the door shut._

_She didn’t deserve this. She wanted to leave. But she couldn’t walk. She couldn’t even get up._

_If Lydia could leave, why couldn’t she? She couldn’t do this anymore._

_*_

 

Mon-El woke to the sound of Kara screaming, immediately thinking she was in danger. He didn’t know whether to be relieved or not to find her perfectly safe in her bed – but it hurt him to know she was still haunted by loathsome dreams. “ _Kara._ Wake up. You’re safe.” 

Her screaming stopped the moment she shoved herself back so hard she slammed into the wall. Upon realizing where she was, she pulled her pillow into her lap, and buried her face into it like she was ashamed to have been caught having a nightmare. 

“Kara, it’s alright.”

“Go away.” 

He could just make out the muffled sounds from her pillow, and he guessed she wanted to grieve in peace. He often felt ashamed and self conscious when Lena woke him from his own nightmares. “Are you okay?” He asked gently, ignoring her plea for him to leave. He sat on the side of her bed, just close enough that she would know he was there as the mattress gave way a little when he sat. She didn’t say anything, just sat up with her head resting on her knees, hiding from him. 

He took a breath, and didn’t move any closer, just looked away from her and stared at the opposite wall. He could wait. He would wait all night if he had to, until she’d fallen back asleep. 

“What are you doing?” After 5 long minutes she lifted her gaze and rested her chin on top of her knees, wondering what was so fascinating about the blank wall. 

“Just being here. With you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re upset. And I don’t want you to have to be alone.”

“But. _Why_.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” He turned and looked to her, and she could have sworn there was the slightest hint of _tears_ in his look. But it was dark. And she wasn’t in her right mind. Whatever. 

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, regretting that she had woken him.

He shook his head, like he couldn’t believe what had just come out of her mouth. “Don’t…”

Kara lowered her eyes and didn’t know what else to say. It was her fault he had to put up with all of her shit. She felt his hands lightly on her jaw, guiding her eyes back to him. 

"Undergoing… this… this suffering. It’s not your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Oh. They… _were_ tears. Her mind went blank, unable to process anything, stunned into silence. 

“You okay? Do you think you’ll be alright to fall back asleep?” He mined her eyes again, searching their deep waters for answers she couldn’t give. She just stared back at him, not sure why she couldn’t feel anything. 

“Kara?”

She blinked a few times, waiting for his words to form coherent thoughts, until she finally understood he had been asking her a question. 

“I… I’m tired.” It was all she could manage. And he nodded, pulling the pillow from her grip so that he could return it to its proper place. 

“Want me to stay? Just until you fall asleep?” 

Kara nodded and turned on her side, easing down to the pillow and forcing her eyes to shut. She could hear his breathing. And feel his warmth next to her thigh. Maybe the nightmares would stay away if he was here. And she let herself drift off. 

Mon-El could see the changes in her breathing. They were steady and slow; she had been asleep for some time. But he stayed, gazing over the softness that had returned to Kara’s face, placid and calm. He had tried to get up a few times already, but ended up staying just a few more minutes each time. When he was finally tired enough to let her go, he pushed a few of Kara’s golden strands aside and placed a kiss on her forehead. 

She was a survivor. And she was beautiful. 

 

**

 


	43. Stability.

* * *

 

 

She was starting to notice more things. Things that were different. It was definitely a bad idea, but it was hard not to constantly compare her current situation to the one she had been in for half of her life, noticing the obvious differences between her master and Mon-El – despite some of their similarities. 

And… she missed her master. She missed him terribly, though she knew she shouldn’t. She had nightmares about the bad things, and yet, she _missed him_. The lingering touches. The familiarity. Having comfortable routines that kept her stable. Mon-El let her do basically whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. But she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Every day here was different. Sometimes, Mon-El would come home late. Sometimes early. This week he was here all the time and it was _really_ different. She had endless choices. No expectations. 

She missed it…. she missed having things that were consistent. The stability. 

And then there was today, staring at the glowing date on the screen of her phone. There was one thing her master had given her regularly that she suddenly realized she needed. Every six months. Always the same. She didn’t know how she could possibly ask Mon-El. She had been avoiding him all day – skipped breakfast and didn’t leave her room. She was too nervous to see him. How would he react? But. She needed this. She would have to face him eventually.

 

*

 

It was early afternoon and Mon-El saw the door to his study open a fraction, though this time, Kara didn’t enter. She just floated behind the crack in the door.

“What is it, Kara?” 

“I’m not... supposed to come in.”

“That’s never stopped you before though, has it,” he teased a little. “…plus, I’m not supposed to be working this week. It’s my fault, really. I couldn’t help myself.”

She didn’t answer, causing Mon-El to sigh and eventually have to encourage her a little bit. "You only come in when you really need something… Everything okay?” He removed himself from his work and started walking through the library towards the door. 

“But…if you’re busy–”

Mon-El huffed, wondering why all of a sudden his rules mattered to her. He reached for the door to swing it fully open, and found her timidly shifting her eyes from his to the ground and back again. 

“Is something wrong? You can tell me…” He was gentle, seeing she was growing distressed. Perhaps it was about her nightmare. She had stayed in her bed most of the day, and although Mon-El checked on her from time to time, he let her rest when she didn’t move from under the covers.

“Uhm. No, nothing’s wrong... Well.. I mean.. sort of...”

“Kara...”

“I.. I don’t want to interrupt, if you’re super busy. It's just… I’m not…"

_“Kara.”_

She was rushing her words and not getting anywhere with them, making herself even more stressed. 

“I.. I need… something.”

Mon-El let his hands go to hers, starting to soothe small circles with his thumbs, hoping she would calm down. “Well, I can’t make any promises. It depends entirely on what it is. But I’ll try. What is it?”

“I... uhm. I…” Kara continued to stammer in the doorway, tearing her hands away from his and fiddling with her ring, the way she always did when she didn’t know how to put something into words. Or when she was fearful of something.

Mon-El shut the door of his study quietly, thinking that she was probably too uncomfortable to talk to him while he was in his ‘work mode’. He softened his voice as he led the way to the staircase, deciding to sit in the sunlight, close to her favourite goldfish. “Is it really that bad?”

His eyes drifted to the small goldie settled in the glass bowl, letting his gaze leave Kara to try be a little less threatening. He patted the spot next to him for her to sit too, but she just shuffled around slowly and didn’t really take much notice in anything other than her socks.

"It’s alright Kara, just tell me.”

“I need… it's… I...“ She stopped, still painfully uncomfortable. And now he really _was_ hoping it wasn’t something bad. But he would be patient with her. Clearly it was important.

“You need…?”

“I need… Ineedmyinjection.” She finally let the words out in a rush, and Mon-El was waiting for his brain to catch up. An… injection. 

“An injection for what?”

“I just. I _need_ it, okay? Please. I have to have it.” 

“Yes, okay. But, what is it for, exactly….?”

“Uhm. It’s…” She continued to struggle, feeling helpless to do anything other than ask. “It’s... so that... I don’t get pregnant.” She finally finished, and Mon-El realized she was talking about contraception. Something her 'master’ must have kept her on.

“But you’re not–“

“Mon-El,  _PLEASE_. I need it. I have to have it. I’ve always had it, every 6 months. It has to be the same.”

“You don’t need… that... when you’re with me. I’m not like him. You needn’t worry about it, if that’s why you want it, I promise I’d never–“

“NO! I Just need it! _PLEASE, Mon-El_!” She was getting distressed again and raising her voice at him, surprising him.

“Alright! Just. I’m not _against_ it, I just… don’t want you to think I’m like him.” He held his hands up so show he was surrendering to her. “If you need it, I’ll get it for you.” He realized she might not necessarily want it because she thought he would… force her into things. If it was something she was used to, he wouldn’t deny her something as simple as staying on contraception. 

“I know you’re not like him,” she muttered.

“But you still want it?”

“Yes…”

“Okay. I guess that’s alright then. Do you know what it was? What drug were you given?" 

“Uhm…”

“You don’t know….do you. You were just given it – same time, every time…?”

“Mmhhmm.” She nodded, still looking at the floor.

Mon-El dragged his hand across his brow, needing to deal with yet another thing he wasn’t expecting. This was suddenly just as uncomfortable for him as it was for her. “Did he keep your medical records?”

“Huh?”

“Medical records. You must have some, yes? Who gave it to you? A doctor or nurse of some kind?”

“No. He did." 

“You just let him stick a needle in your arm.. just like that?” He growled, though he had no right to be upset about such a thing. 

“I let him do anything he wanted. I _belonged_ to him.”

“YOU DON’T–” Ugh. No. Okay. He tried to be calm and gentle with her, though a part of him was seething. “Never mind about that. I need to know what he gave you, because contraception can be a little complex with how it effects the body. If I give you something different to what you are used to, it might upset you.” 

“I’m sorry… I... really don’t know.” Kara had no idea what she had been given. But it was a part of her routine. Her routine that she NEEDED. “I… I don’t have medical records. I don’t exist.”

“Kara, don’t say things like that!”

“Like what?”

“Never mind. Just... I’ll dig up his financial records then. He would have, at very least, had to pay for it. Six months ago, from today, correct?” He could take her to a medical professional. But it sounded like she didn’t want anything other than exactly what she was already on. He didn’t want to have to deal with them deciding to trial her on something else, or deal with her identity and lack of records. And there was NO way he was dealing with extra fucking mood swings on top of all her shit. Hell, he had heard more than he EVER wanted to know about the female anatomy and all the weird havoc contraception could wreck from Lena. Just no. Lena was a fucking monster when she was on the pill. Nope. Hell no. He was glad he was a male, that’s for sure.

“From tomorrow. Tomorrow is the 1st.” Kara interrupted his thoughts with her words, and he tried to remain as unawkward as possible. 

“I can’t guarantee I’ll have it for you by then, Kara.”

“But… you’ll… actually... get it for me?”

“I’m not going to deny you something that you need. And if you think you need it, that’s fine. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around is all, okay? I’m not… used to this stuff. I’m sorry.”

“Oh… “ She didn’t know what to say. Maybe a part of her wasn’t expecting he would actually let her have it. 

“I’m.. sorry… that I’m not more understanding. I’m trying.”

“That’s. It’s. Uhh…”

“How about we just change the subject, hmm? Neither of us likes this conversation. I’ll get it for you. That’s that.”

“Thank you, Mon-El.”

He let out a breath, glad to get that conversation out of the way. “Did you want to go to the park again? I could use some fresh air.”

 

*

 

He took her to a different entrance to the park this time, knowing it was good for her to be exposed to new things. And she loved nature, so she would probably handle it all okay. He was entirely prepared for her to ignore him for at least an hour while she gazed lovingly at basically anything. 

“It’s warmer today. You might not need the extra jacket…?” Parking the car, he tried his luck, but knew Kara probably wouldn’t listen.

“I like it.” She was adamant, completely convinced that being a puff of sweaters and jackets was the way to go. 

“Alright…. as long as you’re comfortable.” He chuckled gently as he hopped out of the car and watched her struggle to get up underneath all the layers she was wearing. It wasn’t even that cold! She was ridiculous. (But ultimately, adorable.)

“Can you help me?” She finally huffed, too restricted by the clothing to be able to get up out of her seat, and he burst into a hearty laugh. “Don’t laugh! It’s not funny!"

“Seriously, Kara? You look like you’re going to hibernate for the rest of the winter in all that. Trust me, it’s funny.” He walked around to her side of the car and pulled her up, seeing she was slightly embarrassed from him laughing at her. 

“Thanks,” she muttered. He closed the door and locked the vehicle.

“Where to first, then?”

“Can we go to the roses?”

“Sure.”

“And then the pond?”

“Definitely the pond.”

“And then… maybe some hot cocoa?”

“If you’re good, maybe I’ll get you a hot cocoa.” He winked, completely non-serious. 

She bit her lip and grinned a little, starting to lead the way to where she knew the roses were. 

Unsurprisingly, by the time they reached the rose garden, he was already holding one of Kara's jackets for her. He didn’t say a thing, though he wanted to tease her about it. But her confidence was still growing, so he held his tongue. 

“How come you’re not admiring the flowers, Mon?”

“I’m doing plenty of admiring from here,” he responded... Though it might not necessarily have been the roses he was admiring. Kara liked to get up close to everything. Touching things and inhaling their scent, even pricking her fingers a few times on thorns, though she didn’t seem to mind. It was like she was fascinated by the sensations and the different things she was experiencing. So he let her drift about while he stayed on the path, until she sat down in front of some rows of white ones. 

“What are you doing?”

“Sitting.”

“Yeah, well, that’s obvious,” he mused. Why the heck was she sitting down?

“I’m… tired.”

“You’re wearing too much clothing. That’s why."

“Shut up!” she whined, clearly knowing he’d been right about her excessive layers all along.

Mon-El just laughed again, not even bothered. “You can take off a few layers if you want. Just chuck them here, I’ll carry them for you.”

“But it’s my fault for being an idiot.”

“Kara, you need to stop putting yourself down like that. You don’t like the cold. I understand.”

“But–“

“Uhhp! You can sit here if you want. But I know you want to see the swans.”

“Oooo the swans!”

 

*

 

When she got home, Kara started to think maybe she didn’t need a constant. It was all so new and beautiful, and she _loved_ it. Exploring. Experiencing things she hadn’t before. Seeing some of the most gorgeous sights. 

Perhaps, being just being Kara and having Mon-El was enough. 

HE was her constant. Her stability. And she liked that.

The new things were scary, but… exhilarating. One of the swans had even come up to her really close. She almost touched it, right up until she nearly slipped into the pond and Mon-El had to grab her arm before she could face plant into the water. She didn’t know if he found that amusing or it made him angry that she was so clumsy. But… he still made sure she didn’t fall.

She desperately wanted to do some painting, after seeing all of the beautiful things in the park again, but on her way to the stairs, she started to feel faint. 

“Kara? Are you alright?”

She thought she heard something. Did… Things were moving weird? No, it was just the sunlight coming through the… the skylight. Chandlier… Surely... No n...

“Kara!” Mon-El rushed to her and managed to catch her just before her head struck the bottom of the staircase. “Hey… can you hear me? Kara…? KARA.” 

_Fuck._

He pulled his phone out and immediately called Lena.

“Mike! Yo dog! What’s up?”

“She collapsed. She just collapsed. What do I do?”

“Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“LENA! Kara COLLAPSED! JUST. TELL ME.”

“Gods! Calm the _fuck_ down! Has she eaten today?”

“Yes.”

“Water?”

“Yes… I mean. I think so.”

“Did she sleep enough last night?”

“No…”

“Look. It probably isn’t anything serious. People faint all the time. She might just low on something or so exhausted her body can’t function properly. If you are worried, take her to get a blood test. Seriously? How old are you? This is preschool shit.”

“Sorry. That… all makes... a lot of sense. Sorry.”

“You panicked. It’s fine.”

“It’s not…”

“Did she hit her head?”

“No. I caught her.”

“Then she’s fine.”

“Lena!”

“Look. Sort your shit out, Mike. I’ve got stuff to do.”

“Alright... Sorry for bothering you.”

“Achilles hell, Mike…” Lena hung up, leaving the dial tone humming in his ear.

_What a bitch. Fine._

He removed one of the sweaters Kara was still wearing from their trip to the park, and took her over to the couch. He would call someone if she didn’t come around in a minute. But her fingers were twitching a little. He started to calm when her eyes started to flutter weakly open. Okay, she was… she was okay.

“Kara?”

“Hmmm?”

“You uhm. Fainted. You’ll be alright in a sec. Can you hear me?”

“Mon-El? How’d. I get. Wasn’t I…?”

“Yeah, you collapsed.” He reminded her, waiting for her to process. “Do you want some water?”

“Please.” She mumbled at him, and she realized she hadn’t had all that much to drink today. She was so distracted by everything that was going on. Being stressed and stuff. And then… at the park. She was having too much of a good time.

“Here.” He handed her a glass and she seemed to be coming right. “Gods, you scared me.”

“Huh?”

“You were fine. And then you just…”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’re not a burden to me, Kara. Please know that.”

He was.. saying all the things she wanted him to. But it didn’t make sense. She WAS a burden to him. 

“I think you’d better take it easy the rest of the day.”

“But…I wanted to paint.”

“I think you should just rest. And, I’ll make us something decent to eat, okay? Drink that.”

“Mon-El, stop.”

“Huh?”

“Just stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Smothering me!”

“'Im not…” he trailed off, knowing his defense was useless. “I’m sorry. I…I know you want to be more independent."

“How… how do you know that…?”

“I mean. Guessing. I just… suppose you might have some more confidence if you.. were able to do a bit more. And I haven’t been letting you do things for yourself. I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” That’s why he had been teaching her things. And taking her out more. So she could… grow.

“I’m. I’m sorry. Just. Let me know if you need anything. It’s okay to ask.” He got up abruptly and left her on the couch, though he looked a little stressed. Kara watched him suddenly deflate and go cold. He had his back to her as he moved to the glass sliding door and just stared out of it into the gardens beyond the courtyard.

“Mon-El.”

“Yes, Kara?” he turned to her, all formal and polite.

“Thank you. For… for teaching me things. And. Letting me…” Kara didn’t finish the sentence properly, but she knew he got the idea. She watched as Mon-El’s shoulders dropped as he sighed, letting go of his act. 

“I care about you, Kara. That’s all. I’m trying.”

“I know."

 

*

 

Kara had ended up painting most of the evening, before eating some of the leftover pasta from the previous night. Mon-El had been avoiding her a little, just checking on her from time to time, and she was torn between hating it and knowing that the space was kind of what she had asked for. It wasn’t exactly correct – she didn’t want him to _back off_ , per se, she just wanted him to back off. Okay, fine, she could maybe see how he wouldn’t exactly know the difference between the two. Still, she had wanted to paint, and he let her, so she did. It turned out white roses were particularly hard to blend, their colours supremely delicate and she had to go over them a few times to get them the way she wanted. But she had managed to finish them after dinner, leaving her bowl upstairs with the wet painting.

"Where are you headed?” Kara was on her way to shower and then go to bed, when she passed Mon-El in the hall with his keys in his hand.

“I'm going to Draaga. I’ll be home late."

“What's Draaga?” Kara screwed her face up at the strange word. It sounded foreign to her.

"It’s... a fight club, I guess.” Mon-El just shrugged. He often went, it was soothing for him, but he couldn’t exactly take Kara along. 

“That’s... where you got hurt. The last time,” she guessed.

“Hey! I give as good as I get! I’ll have you know, I haven’t lost a fight at all this entire year." 

“Impressive,” she muttered, crossing her arms to guard herself. “So, you like to hit people then."

“What?"

"You like it. Hurting people…?" 

“Kara, it’s not like that. Everyone there is a willing participant. Usually, we are all there for the same reasons."

“And what would those be?” She leaned on the wall, giving him her best glare.

"To train. To blow off steam. To… feel something….” He hadn’t really ever had to explain it before. It was just a thing. "It’s a sort of... safe place... for people like us." 

"Like who?"

"People that need an outlet, or something. I dunno.” He continued to struggle to explain why going to _Draaga_ was important to him. But it was. It was a part of maintaining some normalcy and routine in his life, giving him a place to just… be. Nothing really mattered when you were in the ring. It was just you, and the other guy, and whatever raw emotions happened to present themselves at the time. If they needed to come out, they could. Being angry didn’t matter. Being powerless under his mother… dealing with guilt.. it just all didn’t matter.

"So. You like hurting people, and this gives you a safe place you can do it. Rather than hit me." 

"NO!! Gods, Kara! No. I would never hit you. Maybe it's just a guy thing, okay? We don't really process… all our shit well. Our feelings."

“Huh?"

“Emotions, okay? Sometimes they are overwhelming. Sometimes I’m so angry I think I might burst. And people aren’t privy to seeing what going on in my head. Going for a run… lifting weights… getting beat to shit just as much as you beat the other guy to shit… It’s just – It’s an outlet, alright?” Mon-El ran his hand through his hair, suddenly feeling defensive. "It’s not about hitting other people for pleasure – I’m just as happy to take hits as I am to give them.” Mon-El shrugged again, trying to explain himself. “Getting rough. Rage. Testosterone.... Guy stuff. It’s just guy stuff.”

"My master used to struggle with rage…” Kara tilted her head to the floor, remembering just how ‘rough’ he was with her.

"I would never take out my anger on you. I’m sorry about the times I’ve raised my voice, I want you to know that. But this is good for me. Call it… stress relief.” He tried to find her eyes so that she would see he was being genuine, but Kara continued to look at the floor. "It helps me. Like… like when I accidentally raised my voice at you the other day. I hadn’t... had time to… to go out and blow off steam. I need to."

"Do you feel powerful?” She mumbled a little bit, and Mon-El could see she wasn’t that confident in her own words. 

“Not particularly… but it does make me feel a little less helpless."

She looked up then, suddenly puzzled. "Why would you feel helpless? You have everything." 

“I'm not as perfect as you make me out to be.” Mon-El scratched the side of his cheek, wondering how she could still possibly think he had everything. It was the ‘Gand’ way, he supposed. But with her, he wasn’t really that person. Did he really still give off that whole pristine vibe? Surely she had seen him drink milk straight from the carton enough times to know he was wasn’t the golden boy of the family. 

"I don’t think you’re perfect.” 

"Good. That’s good. But I'm not cruel. And if you don’t want me to go, I won’t.”

“I… I think I understand.” 

“You sure you’re okay with it?”

“Stress relief. Right? Not… the other thing.”

“Yup. Like when I teach you to fight. Do you feel a little better afterwards…?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. That’s good. Maybe we can do some more training tomorrow. Might help you… process some things.”

“Okay.” 

“Okay then. Well… don’t wait up for me.”

“..But.”

“It will be late, Kara. If you really want, I can let you know when I get home? I’d hate to wake you. But… if it means you don’t stay up half the night…”

“Please.”

“Alright. I’ll see you later.” 

 

*

 

Mon-El didn’t really get nervous before a fight. He expected to get beat to a pulp and perhaps that was the real reason he went. He still managed to win - a lot, but it didn’t really matter to him either way. He was calm as he turned up on his bike, parking it out front and slipping through the regulars at the door with a nod.

He was checking the upcoming matches stuck to the wall with a nail, when someone nudged his shoulder.

"Saw you at the park with your girl.” The stranger grinned and raised his eyebrows at Mon-El, taking him a little by surprise. "Does she taste nice? I bet she’s great when you–"

“–Oh, trust me, you should have seen her friends. Too bad they wouldn’t lay an ugly fucker like you... you look like you could use a nice night with three women.” There was no way in hell he was going to let any man finish that kind of sentence about Kara. But he had to cover for his fuck up. Really? The park! Fucking hell, couldn’t he just find some peace and quiet somewhere?

"THREE? Bloody hell, Michael, where do I buy myself a jaw like yours?"

"Don’t think that would help you, we all know I’ve just got a knack with the ladies."

"Fuck you, Mike." 

"Yeah, everyone is fucking me lately.” He grinned. "You jealous?” Mon-El flicked the switch, just like that, his lies easily leaving his tongue, more than convincing enough to fool anyone. 

"Oh go to hell!” The other male stalked off, leaving Mon-El with his own atrocious thoughts eating at his chest. He wanted nothing more than beat the shit out of anyone who would degrade Kara. But more so, he hated himself. HE was the one that had just degraded Kara, talking about her like she was just a one-night stand for the boys to fuck and admire at will. Because he had to in order to keep her safe. UGH. Fuck this life. 

Mon-El watched a few fights, glancing over the talent in the ring, as well as spotting a few novice mistakes. The larger men often went for brute strength, while technique almost always won out over strength. Stamina was also important. A few guys were all power and rage for the first few minutes, but quickly tired and then left themselves vulnerable to lose their footing or made mistakes as they gasped for air. Still – it wasn’t really right to judge a fight from outside the ring. Once you were in there, any strategic plans for overcoming one's opponent were quickly swallowed up in adrenaline, emotion, and unexpected hits.

Mon-El was eventually called up, and after such a long string of wins, everyone was rooting for him to lose. No one liked any one man to have all the power, and it was no surprise that he was put up against tougher competition than ever. Still, as long as he relied on technique and skill and stamina, he would be fine. Or so he thought. 

Barely 30 seconds in, his nose was bleeding, he though his jaw might be cracked, and he couldn’t see straight. Still, he welcomed it. Every hit. He deserved every single one. They were atonement for all his failures. 

Every mishap. Every disappointment he caused. Every sin. He felt one of his ribs take a brutal strike, knocking most of the breath out of his lungs. But he welcomed it all. He deserved the beating. 

He blocked a right hook, but an uppercut from his opponent slipped through, losing a bit of power from a block that didn’t quite stop the hit – it blasted into his chin and he heard the snap as he became disorientated. Another shot in his side, and he was panting. But it didn’t matter. The annihilation was strangely gratifying, punishment for being a dog. He deserved to suffer. He was a disappointment. A good-for-nothing piece of shit. So he greeted the beatings.

He was lasting, much to everyone's surprise, unfazed by the agony and massacre of hits he was taking. He got up every time he hit the dirt, spitting the bloody saliva out and debating how best to defeat the huge motherfucker in front of him. To be honest, he was probably going to lose this fight. Finally, someone would knock him out cold. But he would survive as long as he could. 

“Do I get a night with your girl if I win?” The man in front of him provoked, confident that he had the fight under control, his words malicious in every way. Fucking hell, how many people had been talking about him and Kara?

“I wouldn’t if I were you…” Mon-El warned. 

“Well, I think it’s only fair...” His eyes glinted, slightly mischievous. 

But he picked the one thing that made Mon-El snap. 

_No one._  

_Touches._

_My._

_Girl._

Mon-El was heaving and puffing, looking at the limp body on the ground. Everyone was silent, not sure how in the hell Mike had defeated someone 4 times his size and strength. He then heard a voice pipe up in the crowd, one he recognized.

“ALL YOU FUCKERS, PAY UP! OPEN MIKE NIGHT, BABY!!! WOOOOO!!” Her hollering stirred the rest of the crowd, many of them still stunned, but cheering nonetheless.

No fucking way. It was _Lena_. How in the FUCK did she know he was here? He didn’t even get to make eye contact before she disappeared behind the roar of the crowd, slinking around getting her dues. 

“BADARSE!” 

“….WHAT A FIGHT MICHAEL!” 

“HOLY CRAP DUDE ARE YOU ON STEROIDS?!” 

“Fuuuuuckkkkk.”

 

*

 

Things were quieting down as another fight started. Mon-El pulled his shirt back on and chugged back some water. The familiar voice spoke up from behind him, Lena having managed to find her way to him and sneak over.

"How’s Kara?” 

Mon-El turned, seeing the other woman cleaning her knife on the sleeve of her jacket. Someone must have not wanted to pay up. He grinned, wondering if it was a lovely stab to the thigh, or a quick slice across the arm. “Well first off, what the fuck are you doing here? I mean, other than stabbing the guests…” He gestured to the knife she was holding.

“I make a good score. And it’s fun to watch you getting your arse handed to you. Not many people can do that. Even this arsehole who I really thought had you there.”

“Then why did you bet on me?”

“Only a fool bets against you, Mike. I think you just proved that.”

“Wow. A compliment.”

“I was complimenting myself, and my ability to make cash. But take what you can, I suppose. So… you didn’t answer my previous question. How’s your girl?”

"She’s fine. I’ll start giving her multivitamin supplements. She’s still pretty uhm… wrecked. Sometimes I forget."

"Understandable. She’s made some pretty huge improvements with you."

"How did you…"

"I keep tabs. Speaking of which. I know she likes that park, Mike. But people say things. You can’t go there all the time. Not if you want to keep her safe from Rhea."

"I know. It’s just…"

"She lights up like a Christmas tree. I know…"

"And I can’t exactly take her out of town all the time."

"Why not? You’re rich, remember?"

"I have responsibilities. I have work."

"Mmm. Loyalty. That’s gonna kick you in the arse..."

"Excuse me?"

"Where do you loyalties really lie, Mike? Not with your Mother."

"YES THEY DO. ARE YOU CRAZY?” Mon-El couldn’t believe her! Really?

"Then. Why haven’t you told Rhea you’ve got a girlfriend."

"She’s not my…"

"Okay, look. You are keeping her a secret. Because you have to. I get that. If you keep secrets, are you loyal?"

"I can be both."

"You can be neither. To Rhea, _or_ Kara." 

"I’m loyal to you…" 

"No, you’re not. And neither am I to you. But I’m fine with that, and so are you. We are square. And that’s fine."

"But... you keep my secret."

"Don’t think I won’t use it against you one day, Mike. I know where my loyalties lie."

"With Luthor-Corp.” He muttered, knowing that Lena’s life was dedicated to her family business.

"She’s of no use to me now, but that doesn’t mean…” 

Mon-El was still reeling from the adrenaline, and didn’t control himself when his arm lashed out and gripped her throat. “You touch her, I _WILL_ kill you, Lena.” His eyes were dark and threatening. And he meant every word.

“My.. point… exactly…” Lena forced the words out past her restricted throat, but didn’t show an ounce of fear.

Mon-El dropped her, looking at his hand like it wasn’t attached to his body. “I’m… I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry.”

“I proved my point. That’s all I wanted.” She shrugged, straightening up her jacket and turning on her heel to leave Mike with his flaming and uncontrolled emotions.

 

**


	44. Scars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special mention to my beautiful beta @maybetomorrow who stayed up till 5am because she's in a weird timezone and sacrificed her sleep so that I could post tonight. <3 Shes a gem. (Cheers love. *Clinks tea cups together while giggling*
> 
> \--

-

 

Kara had watched Mon-El make his coffee in the morning enough times to be able to attempt it herself. He had come home supremely late last night. She didn’t even open her eyes when she heard Mon-El knock on her doorframe to quietly let her know he had returned. She was awake for barely a moment, before she slipped straight back into a deep sleep. This morning, she knew that he would be super tired, so she snuck into the kitchen to make his morning coffee nice and early before he got up. It was fairly easy - his coffee was always black – dark and bitter, with two sugars. It’s not like she could screw it up. (It tasted like shit anyway, so really, what could go wrong?) She had left it to brew while she reached for a mug.

He was atrociously tired, a bit wrecked from Draaga, and of course went straight to the kitchen, not waking Kara until he was at least slightly functioning. Moving to the kitchen, he was surprised to spot Kara already there, coffee half brewed in the french press on the counter, and she was reaching up for a mug from the cupboard. She was in his shirt again, the one she always wore to bed, but as she stretched up the long shirt came up to show the large scars across the backs of her thighs and he had to look away. It wasn’t that they bothered him – she was still entirely beautiful. It was the meaning behind them. It was too early in the morning to fight the feelings. He was far too tired to process the ache rippling through his chest, knowing someone had intentionally hurt her. So, he looked away. Maybe he really was a coward. 

Kara turned with the mug in hand, her smile disappearing when she saw Mon-El. Her eyes bloomed wide as she gasped. The sound of the ceramic dropping to the floor with a loud smash didn’t pull her eyes away from him as her hand flew to cover her mouth. The bruises – deep purple and black. They covered his arms, his left shoulder, and his jaw. Kara could see he was probably not expecting her to be awake. He was still in his black boxer shorts without a shirt on, showing the billowing black and blue across his ribs and spreading down towards his stomach. Without his usual attire, she could see exactly where she had shot him in the thigh, and he also had a similar scar on his other leg, old and faded, but too large to be a bullet wound. Her vision quickly blurred with tears rushing to fill her eyes, threatening to spill over. But she could still make out the bruises that graced Mon-El's throat. She held in a sob with her palm against her mouth.

Mon-El looked down, having a moment of realization – his eyes popped wider as he discovered what was causing her to be so upset. He went to rush towards her, but she backed away, feeling the far bench hitting her back as she slammed into it.

“Kara, it’s alright."

“H…how? _Why…?!_ ” She should have never let him go. He said he never lost a fight. But. He… he… was…

“I… I promise it’s not as bad as it looks. I… wasn’t expecting you to be awake, I didn’t mean for you to…I didn’t think…” He stumbled over his words as her gathering tears finally broke free and began sliding down her face and dripping on the floor. He saw that Kara was shifting her head from side to side like she was stuck in a bad dream.

“M…Mo…Mon- _El”_ She couldn’t get the words out past her breaking voice, choking on tears.

“I’m sorry, Kara. Please...” He fucked up. SHIT, he had fucked up. “I didn’t think…”

“What? You didn’t think I would _care?!_  OR NOTICE?! YOU GOT THOSE BY CHOICE, MON-EL! BY _CHOICE!!”_

“Please, it was just one fight, it wasn’t that bad. I got my arse handed to me, but I still won, if that’s any consolation.” He tried to sound encouraging, but she just snaked her head from side to side the whole time he was talking, unable to process anything he was saying. “I’m sorry…" 

 _“Get out!”_ She forced the words out past her sobs, begging him to leave. She couldn’t see him like this. She couldn’t imagine that he would WILLINGLY let himself be hurt like that. She NEVER had the choice to avoid her beatings. And he took them willingly as some sort of fucked up recreation. He was looking at her like some sad puppy and it was just making everything worse _. “_ GET OUT!! _GET OUT!!!"_

 

*

 

 

 

When Mon-El caved and returned to his room, she heard his shower turn on and took the opportunity to rush to her room and get changed, the coffee long forgotten and the smashed mug still in pieces on Mon-El’s pristine floor. She pulled on her jeans and a warm sweater, before taking her hooded jacket off the hook and dashing to grab her boots. She needed the safety of the garden. The cool air. The distance. 

She passed the door to Mon-El’s study when a small light went off in her mind. She snuck in to quickly move through the library towards his desk. He probably thought she didn’t know. But he was stupid. She had lived with Vik. Rummaging around in the drawers, she finally found what she was looking for, and slipped a cigarette from its packet – no, make that two – and stole his lighter, before leaving to get some fresh air. 

The moment she shut the sliding glass door, she slowed down, able to breathe again.

It was warmer today, though the snow would surely close in again soon. The weather here was strange. The snow had come early, and then drifted off for a while – other than a thick frost, the day was clear and blue. Kara followed the stone path, treading carefully so as to not slip, before she found a quiet grass area and crossed it. She delighted in the slight crunch under her feet as the ice crystals cracked under her boots. 

She saw a small bunch of lavender growing, and plucked some off to take with her, weaving her way around the garden slowly as she tucked it in her pocket for later and then took a cigarette and the lighter out. It had been a long while since she had smoked anything – years, probably – but it didn’t matter. The moment she held the cigarette between her lips, she felt her world ease even more, flicking the light and closing her eyes for the utter bliss that was the first draw. She continued to meander through the garden, until eventually, she was at the outer edge. There was a small gate tucked away between some shrubs that would presumably lead out to the cliffs. 

Kara inhaled the last of her stolen treat, before she tossed it and flicked the metal loop to open the gate. She wandered out to what turned into a flat, open space, its edges falling away down to the ocean. She could hear the sea – feels its churning waters in her heart, the sounds in perfect unison with the tossing of her mind. 

The grass was covered in dew, the frost quickly melting as the morning sun rose higher, but she didn’t really care about getting wet and found a spot to sit down to gaze out across the broad landscape.

Kara’s phone buzzed in her jacket pocket, making her roll her eyes. _I wonder who that is. Oh wait. I only have one person in my phone._  She tried to ignore it, but got curious after half a minute and pulled it out. 

 

**[Earl Grey]**

_ >> I know you’re upset with me, sweetheart, and I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Please tell me where you are. I can’t find you. <<_

 

She let him seethe for a bit, but she was calmer now, the sound of distant waves floating over her and the wash of nicotine lighting up her senses in a bright and yet sedative sort of way.

 

**[Lady Grey]**

_> > Can’t you just use your fancy GPS? <<_

 

**[Earl Grey]**

>> I could, but that was sort of for emergencies. I’ll understand if you just want some time alone and I don’t want to invade your privacy whenever I feel like it. Just wanted to know you’re alright. <<

 

**[Lady Grey]**

>> Out the gate. Sitting. By the cliffs. <<

 

**[Earl Grey]  
**

_> > Thanks. Did you want to stay out there by yourself? <<_

 

**[Lady Grey]**

_> > Could use the company. Still upset tho. <<_

She had calmed significantly, but it’s not like she could avoid the person she lived with. Well, she could. But it would only make things even more stressful and upsetting than they already were. The self-destructive part of her brain wanted to punish Mon-El for being such an idiot. But she was more upset that he was hurt than anything. And pushing him away would only hurt them both. 

She stretched her legs out after lighting her other dart, huffing in annoyance at the feeling of her jeans getting wet. But whatever. 

 

*

 

“Hey.” Mon-El found his way out to Kara, his hands shoved in his pockets. He was wearing a hoodie, which seemed unlike him – she was used to seeing him in pressed jackets and expensive coats. “Mind if I sit?”

“Go ahead.” Kara exhaled a puff of smoke, leaning back onto her elbows as she continued looking out across the ocean. He sat close enough that she could feel his warmth, and yet somehow didn’t invade her space.

“Found my stash, huh?” He didn’t even seem annoyed that she had stolen something from him – from his study, no less.

“Sorry.” She muttered, handing him his lighter back, but still taking another draw. It was too late now. 

“Those aren’t good for you, you know…” 

“Neither is getting beat to a fucking pulp.”

He wasn’t sure then if she was referring to him at Draaga, or herself, making him wince. Of course she would… ugh gods, had he… triggered her? “Do you mind?” He opted to reach for the cigarette instead, seeing if she would share. 

“Technically, it’s not mine, so…” She passed it over, finally looking up to try figure him out from his facial expressions. But Mon-El seemed blank and reserved. Careful. 

“Damn…. It’s been a while…” Mon-El looked quizzically at the white stub between his fingers, like the taste or feeling was unexpected. He continued to avoid the… morning’s drama... and just passed it back to her. “Are you alright?”

“Are _you_?” Tears filled Kara’s eyes again when she spoke, and he didn’t know how he could fix this.

“I’m sorry. This is. What I’m used to. I didn’t mean to remind you of… the things you’ve been through.”

“ _What?”_

“The. The… you know…”

“No, I don’t know. It sounds a lot like you are making this less about the fact that _you_ got hurt, and more about the fact that _I used_ to get hurt.”

“Isn’t that… why you’re upset?”

“WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?!!”

“Ka-"

“–If I came back from a night out _covered_ in bruises, would you be thinking about YOURSELF?”

“No.. of.. of course not.” 

“Then why do you think I’d make this about ME?!”

“I ahhh…”

“You think no one cares about YOU, is that it?” She was flaming, and Mon-El was wondering how on Earth Kara managed to have so much power and fire in her after she had a millstone around her neck for most of her life. He didn’t get to answer before she brought her knees up and collapsed into her own lap, wrapping her arms around herself to cry quietly into her jeans. 

“Just tell me what I can do. Please, Kara.”

She tilted her weight to the side to lean on Mon-El, her head hitting his chest as he opened his arms and caught her. “…I just…don’t like… seeing you hurt.” She mumbled quietly. 

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ve said that a million times already.”

“I won’t do that again. I’ll stop going to Draaga. Okay?”

She nodded into him, pulling her lip into her mouth to stop her emotions leaking out. 

He held her for a while, noticing that sitting down on the wet grass wasn’t exactly comfortable, and yet he had no desire to move. He’d like to stay here a while, but they should really be getting back to the house. Surely Kara could use a hot cup of cocoa and some breakfast. 

“You hungry? ...I could teach you to make pancakes.”

“Just a little while longer.”

“Okay.”

They sat for the time being, Kara’s breathing steady against him. He could feel her hair against his hand and couldn’t help but play with a few loose strands. They were so soft and light. Gods Kara was so confusing and still so beautiful all at once. He didn’t know how to cope with his own feelings. 

 

*

 

“Alright… so…” Mon-El held the pan with a pancake ready to flip, swatting Kara’s finger away from the bowl of mixture. “Oi! I’m watching you…”

“Sorry.”

“No you're not, you keep eating the mixture and we won’t have any cooked pancakes at this rate.”

“It tastes nice,” she defended.

“Cooked ones taste even better though, don’t you think?”

“Just show me how to flip it.”

“Alright. It’s pretty easy. You can tell the bottom is cooked by all the little bubbles, yeah? So… just... slide it around a little bit and…WALAH!” 

Kara stifled a giggle as the pancake hit the fan over the stove, watching as Mon-El’s performance went from confident and spectacular to embarrassed in mere seconds. “SHIT! That.. okay, that was not meant to happen.”

“Clearly…” Kara reached for some of the broken pancake that was in pieces over the stove, pan, and stuck to the metal above Mon-El’s destroyed efforts, putting it in her mouth. 

“You have no sense of patience.”

“And you don’t know how to flip a pancake.” She teased, munching through her smile.

“Well, _excuuuse_ me. I have cooked you more than enough perfect pancakes before.”

“And yet… I’ve never actually seen you flip one successfully.” She rose her brow, laughing when he feigned hurt.

“Okay. Fine. I murdered the pancake. Your turn…”

“But…”

“Ahh.. so now that it's on you, you don’t think you can do it either?”

“Fine…. fine. Prepare to be out-flipped.” Kara took some butter and swiped it expertly over the pan, before she heaped some mixture in and titled it into a perfect circle. Mon-El just crossed his arms and watched, ready for her to screw it up. He watched with interest as she intently gazed over the pancake, checking the bottom was nicely browned before lifting the pan off the element. 

“I’m watching…”

“Oh, shut up.”

“You’re going to murder it. Just you wait…”

“Don’t be such a prick!” 

“Sorry. Go on…” Mon-El held his breath, waiting for the result. He didn’t even realize he had closed his eyes.

“And that. Is how. You flip. A pancake.” She triumphantly announced her success and settled her perfect toss down onto the stove, looking over her shoulder for her acknowledgement, which Mon-El begrudgingly gave her.

“Beginner’s luck…”

“Oh, flip your own pancakes then!” 

 

*

 

Kara finished popping their dishes in the dishwasher and flipped it shut, wiping her hands on her jeans. “All done.” She turned to see Mon-El shuffling about weirdly.

“What is it?”

"I um… have a gift for you.” Mon-El’s hand drifted up to the back of his neck, smoothing under his hair like he was unsure. It was hard to admit he had actually been saving something up for her, and he didn’t really know how she would react to the gift, or if she would even like it. 

"You really need to stop doing that. Buying me things."

“Sorry about that, I like to be able to…” He looked up at her though he was slightly tentative. “I actually got it a while ago. The… day I first went to get you some uhhh.. clothing. I just happened to see it. So, I saved it for you." 

“Really?"

“Yeah,” he shrugged. "It was an impulsive decision, I guess. I don’t exactly go to chicks' stores very often. So I bought Lena a dress. And I bought one for you, as well."

"You bought me a dress?"

He chuckled. "I hope that's okay. If you’d rather get a different one, we can go get you something you like…something you can pick out yourself."

"Can I see it?” She was curious as to what kind of dress he could have possibly thought to get her after barely knowing her a day. Why would he do that?

"Sure. I’ll go find the box.” He left the kitchen to fetch the dress, and she curiously followed after, standing in the doorway to his room and watching Mon-El open the bottom of his desk. He took out his bottle of liquor, and then a white box that still had its silver ribbon perfectly tied around it. “It’s got the tags on it. If it's not the right fit. I kinda just had to guess.” He turned around and held it out for her, and she blinked a few times before noticing she hadn’t crossed the room to take it from him. 

Gingerly walking over to him, Kara grasped the edges of the box, and he let go. She was holding an actual gift. An honest-to-Rao, no malicious intentions,  _gift._

"Why… why did you do this?” She spoke quietly, her hand soothing over the embossed sliver writing on the front of the box.

“I saw it, and… I dunno. Just thought you’d maybe like it. For a gala or party one day. We have a lot of those around here, it just seemed… like it might come in handy one day.”

He’d really thought about stuff like that? “Thank you, Mon-El.”

“Don’t thank me till you open it,” he chuckled. “You might not even like it.”

She was sure she would. But still, she _was_ curious. Moving to his bed, Kara sat down in the middle of it with the legs crossed, gently grasping the box. 

She quietly pulled the ribbon till it fell loosely to the sides, carefully taking the lid off and unravelling the dress. She nearly cried. “It’s… Mon-El... it's… _beautiful_ ,” she breathed, taking in the stunning soft colours and the delicate feel of the fabric. “I… I don’t know how I can thank you.”

“You just did. Twice.” Mon-El just smiled and poured himself a drink, since he already had the bottle out. He even kicked his shoes off, sitting down at his desk in his socks while he took a swig, and she continued to sit in the sunlight admiring her new dress. 

 

*

He had already asked Eve to get a mask for Himself and his date, with his added request that Kara’s be white or silver. Well, if Kara WAS his date. Still, he had them anyhow and all he needed to do was ask her if she actually wanted to go. He had been putting it off all week, but the party was TOMORROW. He couldn’t procrastinate any longer. Mon-El found her drinking tea in the lounge, just relaxing for the rest of the morning. 

"So uhm…. there might have been another reason I suddenly decided to show you the dress." 

“Oh?”

“Well. There’s this.. big party... happening on Saturday night. And if you wanted to, I’d love for you to come with me,” He was polite as he spoke, hoping she didn’t feel obligated. “You don’t have to, I don’t want to pressure you into it or anything, and I’ll completely understand if you’ don't want to go. But it’s.. a masquerade, and you’ll be wearing a mask all night so no one would have to know that it’s you.” He blabbered out all the words, not really sure why he was so nervous.

“You don’t want people to know I’m with you?”

“Gosh, not like that, I just mean. For your safety. Obviously you’d be my date and it’s not like it would be suspicious for me to have a date or anything. But… someone might… recognize you. Like.. like how they saw us in the park yesterday."

"Who saw us in the park?"

"Oh. Uhm. When… when I was at Draaga. Some of the men there, said some… not very nice things. I had to play it off like I didn’t really know you. I apologize for that, truely. But if people knew you were… connected with me.. as more than just an... acquaintance, it wouldn’t be good." 

“So if we were just screwing, it would be fine.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“You meant it.”

“I’m sorry! It’s just.. how it is with the type of people I’m around. Meaningful connections are… weaknesses. And if my mother knew about you, she would kill you.”

“ _Excuse me?_ ”

"She’s very.. controlling. She would call you a distraction, or a liability. But she, sort of has to be the most important person in my life. If anyone else gets close to me, they are in danger of her wrath. She would say you are a hinderance to my loyalty to her, and she doesn’t like that.”

“What a cow.”

“Kara!”

“Well she sounds like one.”

“The point is. I don’t have a choice, except to keep you a secret. Lena told me I’d be putting you in danger if I kept going to the park with you out in the open.”

“When did you see Lena?”

“Oh, she.. she was at Draaga, too.”

"Lena was there? I thought you said it was a guy thing."

"In my defense, I had NO idea that Lena was there. Or that she has been there in the past."

"Oh. "

 "I... spoke with her about some things. She already knew we’d been in the park a few times together, and I know that sounds like we are being watched by everyone all the time and that it's not very nice–"

"Well it’s intrusive. Why can’t people let others live their lives in peace? Who people choose to spend their personal lives and time with isn’t anyones business."

"Yes, exactly. But… I’m… sort of... important, is all. People are watching me. All the time. And I have to be careful. It fucking sucks and I know that, but…" 

“Shit!”

“You okay?”

“Oh, sorry, I just… spilled my tea. On your really nice couch. I’m so sorry.”

“Hold on, I’ll get a paper towel.” Mon-El stepped into the kitchen to grab something for Kara’s clumsiness and quickly returned to soak up the liquid before it did any damage to his couch.

“I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine, honestly.”

“But…”

“Kara, it’s just a couch.” He was firm, reminding her that she was being too hard on herself and too afraid of punishments that didn’t exist with him. 

“My master would have beaten me for that,” she mumbled, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.

“You’re safe here. With me. I’d never hit you, Kara. And especially not for something so trivial.”

“Oh.”

“You really think…” He just shook his head, deciding against finishing his sentence.

Kara moved her mug to the coffee table, gesturing for him to pass the paper towels over so that she could swipe some of the spilled drink off her skirt. She continued rubbing at the fabric while she returned to their conversation. “So… if we go to the party…?”

“You’ll be safe. You’ll be with me. And without sounding like an arrogant ass hat, I’ll be pretty much one of the most important people there, so no one will touch you.”

“Who are you, really?” She eyed him curiously.

“That depends which side of the game you are on.”

“Huh?”

He sighed. Of course that wouldn’t make sense to her. Choosing to simplify it, and leave out the bit about him being Rhea’s son, he just told her the minimal truth to explain. “To all of these people, I am Micheal Gand. And that name means a lot to them.”

“Because you are rich.”

“The richest.”

“Yeah, Michael does sound like an asshat. I think I like Mon-El better.”

Strangely enough, he was starting to like Mon-El better too. It was more… like himself. He felt more like himself. “I can see that,” He smiled at her new ability to spar with him, seemingly pleased with her little joke. “...But we don’t have to go. I just thought it might be nice.” He shrugged, hoping she didn’t feel too much like she had to accompany him. It would be a nice thing if she could, and good to offer, but he would completely understand if she was to decline.

“Like an actual date?”

“Oh…” He hadn’t really thought about it like that. He just thought about spending time with her and that it might be fun, not having to go by himself, or take someone else along that he had no interest in. Lena would be there too, which would make it worth their while – Lena totally knew how to party. He just liked the idea of spending time with Kara, nothing more. But that’s… kind of what a date was, wasn’t it? Spending time with someone for a night out, purely for enjoyment?

“Not a date…” She looked down, embarrassed for misreading the situation when he didn’t answer her.

“Well, it could be. I like spending time with you, and.. I’d rather take you than anyone else.” He was honest. “I just hadn’t really thought about putting a label on it.” He tried to be encouraging, after noticing her shoulders fall a little.

“Do _you_ want to go?” She pressed.

“Uhh, I sort of have to. I mean, Micheal has to. Everyone will be there. It would be offensive to our clients for me not to be there.” His hand went up to his neck, hoping he hadn’t given himself away. 

Oh. So it was kind of a work thing. Made sense. His life and everyone who knew him, knew him by his work, and the name connected to his status and riches. Of course he needed to keep up that front. And he worked at DAXAM. His boss would have a fit if one of their star employees wasn’t there. But she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go. A part of her did. And a part of her didn’t. Leaving her unable to decide. “Uhm… it’s been a while. Since I’ve been to a party. But… I like spending time with you too.” She settled for an honest answer, not really sure what else to say.

“So is that a maybe?”

“Can I think about it?"

"Sure. No pressure. I wouldn’t want you to feel like you have to. But it could be fun. Up to you.”

“Tomorrow night, is it?”

“Yup.”

“Okay. I’ll uhm. Let you know."

“Okay great. I need to go out and get… that thing you wanted. You’ll be alright on your own for a while?

“Of course.”

 

**


	45. The art of practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all the absolutely LOVELY comments and encouragement that you left me on the last chapter after I got a bit of a beat down in mood via *that person* lol. You all are too kind. Special mention tho to Lilith who binged this and read this until she could no longer keep her eyes open ahhaha. (She made it allt he way to ch 43 in one sitting, which I think is very impressive.) YOu made my day love. (Actually, all of you did. I got a lot of giggles, smiles and heart warmth from yall so thank you thank you. And im sorry that we still arn't at the party yet. ;) SOON. Promise. 
> 
> Thanks @maybetomorrow for being my #superbeta. As usual, you're the best.
> 
> \--

 

Of course, she became distressed the moment Mon-El left her. 

She shouldn’t have. They’d had a nice breakfast. Kara had learned not only how to cook pancakes, but also how to flip them, and she had even discovered that putting dishwashing liquid in the dishwasher instead of dishwashing POWDER was apparently a thing. (No really, bubbles coming out onto the floor. It totally was not her fault. How was she supposed to know the flipping difference between the two of them? They were both clearly for cleaning plates. The fuck?!) 

She had managed to make Mon-El another coffee — hot this time, and Mon-El had told her that it was _perfect._ He had given her a beautiful new dress. They had read books on the couch. And she had watered the plants (which seemed to be doing supremely well). The rest of the morning had gone just fine, and yet… The moment he left, her mood absolutely plummeted. 

“He’s coming back. You know he is, Kara. Stop pacing around like a caged animal.” Duke called over to her, and she snapped her head around. Why did that STUPID goldfish always pipe up the moment she was upset?

“I know, Duke. I know.”

“Then why are you upset?”

“That one… I don’t know.”

“I thought you wanted to be more independent…?”

“I do.”

“But you don’t want to learn to function when you are alone?”

“I DO! Dammit, Duke, you don’t know anything!”

“You could call him.”

“He literally _just_ left.”

“So?”

“So… Why does it hurt so much?” Kara whined, wandering over to sit next to Duke. Even though he was a Rao-damn pain, he helped her get her thoughts together.

“Do you really want to know?”

“…Probably not.” Kara fiddled with her ring, twisting it around on her index finger. 

“Then you can sit there and ache. That’s up to you.”

Kara huffed. “I’ll be in pain either way, Duke. Whether you tell me why I feel like this, or not. I will always feel this way.”

“True. It’s part of your make up.”

“My.. my make up? I'm not wearing an–“

“Your wiring. Your brain.”

“Oh. That... makes more sense.” Kara sighed. She stared into the bowl, noticing a few marks of green starting to creep over the glass -- she would have to figure out some place to put Duke while she cleaned his new home. Maybe tomorrow though. “How… how do I change it? So that I don’t have to feel this way…?”

“You can’t. You accept that this is who you are, and that you cannot alter your feelings. You can only alter how you _react_ to your feelings.”

"So…”

“So you can sit there thinking about your knife, or you can choose to use it."

“I’m not thinking about my knife! What are you even..”

“ _Ahem_. May I remind you that I know everything about you, Kara.” Duke swished his tail, all fierce, and Kara wondered if she was losing her mind.

“You _do not_.” She narrowed her eyes, pulling her lips tightly together.

“Actually… “

“FINE. Fine. Don’t. I was thinking about it. But I wasn’t acting on it.”

“Good. That’s a start. Not acting on it is how you develop resistance.”

“Resistance to what?”

“Your impulses.”

“So, I still have to feel like shit?”

“Yep.”

“Helpful.” Kara rolled her eyes. 

“You know what might be helpful though…” Duke changed his tone to sound a little more encouraging. Maybe he really could help.

“What…?” Kara asked. 

“...Giving this little goldfish a small treat?”

“Oh, don’t you dare. You’ve been fed and you KNOW it.”

“Come on, please?”

“No.”

Duke sighed, giving up his insistent yammering. “You’re better at this than you think.”

Kara gazed up at the skylight, feeling the darkness roll around inside her and hoping Mon-El would come home soon. “At what?” 

“Oh, nothing… you’ll understand, eventually.”

“You are so unhelpful.”

“Why don’t you go do some painting… hmm? It won’t make you feel better. But it will make the time pass quicker. Might as well give it a go…?”

“I suppose…”

“You’re lucky, Kara.”

“Huh?”

“You found someone that cares. That’s gotta count for something, right?”

 

*

 

She shouldn’t have done it. But Kara ended up painting something inspired by... her dream. _That dream._ She could still feel the softness of her daughter’s hair. Her joyous and magical laugh. The way her eyes were deep and mystical blue. 

But it wasn’t real. Kara didn’t have a daughter. 

“Wow.. that’s beautiful. Is that you?”

Kara swung around in a mad dash of surprise, not realizing Mon-El had come back. 

 _...it will make the time pass quicker._ Stupid goldfish was right.

“I.. I um..”

“Sorry. If it's personal. I understand.”

Kara looked down at the painting that was nearly finished, and then back up to Mon-El. At least he would assume she was the child. And that it was her mother Eliza in the painting. Her… her mother. That. That wasn’t supposed. She wasn’t supposed to be able to. What? She _was_ losing her mind.

“Are you alright?”

“I. I’m. My. I’m not supposed to be able to think of them. It’s blocked. It’s meant to be blocked.”

“Huh?”

“What is _happening_ to me?!!” She dropped her paintbrush in the glass on the table and brought her hands up to her eyes, pressing down on them. She wasn’t supposed to be able to think of them. Any of them. 

But… she couldn’t hear the sound of her mother's voice. Or remember what she looked like. It was just the name. It was just a name on a blank memory. They were still locked up. Where they were meant to be. Oh, thank Rao, they were still blocked. 

“Hey… what’s wrong?”

“Sorry, I… just had a moment. I’m fine.”

“You sure? Because a second ago…”

“Honestly, I’m fine. I just. For a second I thought of something. And now it's gone again.”

“Uhm… is there anything you need?”

“Did you get the thing?”

Mon-El let his hand glide up through his hair, shifting his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Kara was looking at him strange. “Yeah… I did.”

“Give it to me.”

“What? Now?”

“Yes now! That’s what it’s for.”

“But…”

“Hand it over, Mon-El.” She stretched her hand out and just glared at him. Why wouldn’t he just give it to her already?!

“Can we talk about this?”

“There’s nothing to talk about!! Just –”

“You’re freaking me out a little bit, Kara.”

“THEN FUCKING DEAL WITH IT! JUST GIVE IT TO ME.”

Mon-El remained calm, knowing she was upset again. She had that right. She had been through far too much. She was allowed a bit of grace to be upset at the drop of a hat... But she seemed to be out of sorts. “I’m trying really hard, here. Please.” He let out a defeated breath.

“Sorry. I’m just… upset.” Kara sat back, leaning on the couch and relinquishing her grievances.

“That’s alright. Would you mind if… we just waited a bit? Just until you’ve calmed down. I brought lunch. Thought we could have something to eat first. Then I’ll give it to you. Promise.”

Kara huffed, but knew she was being overly dramatic. She sucked it up, embarrassed that she kept having outbursts in front of Mon-El. “… What did you get?” She could see the brown paper bag in his hand, and to be honest, it smelled amazing. Kara pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, contemplating.

“Do you like potstickers?”

 

*

 

Kara’s eyes widened as she looked down at the dumplings on her plate in absolute awe. "Oh my goodness!”

“What?"

"This is even better than your cooking!”

Mon-El raised his brow, a bit of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You are really into your food, aren’t you?”

“Come on, these are _incredible_.” She fiddled around with her chopsticks, getting frustrated with them, and just using her fingers to pop another one in her mouth. Rao, they were amazing.

“Here…” Mon-El got up from his chair and stood behind her, leaning in to rearrange the chopsticks in her hand and bring her wrist up lightly. “That one goes there like that… and… _what?_ ” He could feel her staring at his face and not looking at what she was doing.

“Nothing. Sorry. Continue.” 

“Well, this one goes here like this. And then you just move your fingers… there. Like that.” 

She held one of the potstickers in between the chopsticks successfully and then Mon-El let go of her hand. She went to move it to her mouth, but accidentally dropped it back on her plate. She huffed and tried again a few times, not really managing to get anywhere. 

He just chucked. “You’ll get the hang of it. Just need a bit of practice, is all.”

“I’d like to go,” she said suddenly.

“Huh?”

“To the party. I spend a lot of time here. And I liked the park. And the motorbike. So… I’d like to go with you.”

“ _Oh.”_

“You’re surprised.” She shoved another two potstickers in her mouth because they were fucking delicious, eating while Mon-El talked.

“Well, a little bit. But I’m glad you want to accompany me. I’ll have to show you how to dance.”

“I have to dance? You didn’t say that.” She mumbled through her chewing and it came out a little sloshed and impolite, but Mon-El still managed to understand what she was saying.

“I mean, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But wouldn’t you like to learn a few simple steps?”

“The party is _tomorrow_. If you want me to stand on your feet and break your toes that’s fine and entirely up to you…”

“You won’t break my toes, Kara!”

“Figure of speech. I’m pretty clumsy, you realize…”

“I’m sure we can figure something out. Nothing too difficult.”

“You should have told me sooner, then I would have gotten to practice. Hmm?” She snapped her chopsticks around to make her point, referring to his previous statement.

“Uh… yeah.. I uhm. Probably should have. Sorry.” 

“You have a tendency towards avoidance,” she shrugged, going back to eat her food like it was nothing.

Mon-El tilted his head, watching her fiddle with moving the food around until she finally managed to pick one up and put it in her mouth with the chopsticks. She was a lot more observant than he gave her credit for. She actually listened. And remembered. 

“Stop staring and eat your food.” Kara didn’t even look up, but somehow knew he was looking at her intently. He didn’t answer, and just went to eat his hot meal before it got cold, turning his eyes to away from the girl in front of him.

When they finished, he cleared their dishes away and then brought up the topic of her injection, just like he’d promised. 

“So. I’m still not entirely comfortable with this because I am not a doctor… but… I guess I’ll have to give you your shot now…” He rubbed his chin, thinking how best to go about it. 

“I’m sorry. I just. I need it.”

“Yeah. It’s alright. I looked it up and everything. It’s safe, and it will only hurt for a second when I stick the needle in, but, I know how to do it. Well…. I read the instructions. Three times. So, I won’t fuck it up.”

“I’m really sorry…”

“No no, it’s okay. You don’t need to apologize. It just isn’t exactly ethical practice…”

“Says the criminal in the room.”

“Touché…” 

Kara looked at her feet, getting slightly awkward. It wouldn’t take long. But she knew Mon-El for some reason found the whole ordeal a little delicate.

“I’ll just go grab it. Uhm. Do you want to maybe sit on the couch? You’ll have to uhh.. take your sweater off. If that’s okay.”

She didn’t even dignify him with an answer. She still had a top on underneath her sweater. Really? How prudish WAS he. Was he even a real male? 

She accidentally thought back to one of their previous encounters, his shirtless form looming over her in a sudden and fleeting flashback and her eyes nearly popped out of her head. Never mind. He was definitely a male. Question answered. 

She was glad Mon-El had gone down the hall to retrieve the stuff he had gotten for her, so she at least had time to let her blush fade. Shaking her head, Kara moved to sit on the couch, pulling her sweater off and placing it in her lap while she sat patiently, picking at her fingernails while she waited for Mon-El to return.

He wandered into the living area and pulled a chair up next to her before he sat down, taking a syringe out of a small white bag and removing the cap with his teeth. 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he muttered, more to himself than her. She just clasped her hands together, making sure to stay still. Mon-El ran his hand down her arm, sending a slight shiver down her back (which he hopefully didn’t notice) and gripped her hand, giving it a squeeze first. “Are you sure?”

“Mmhhmm.” She just nodded, and he brought her arm out of her lap so that it lay down next to her side. 

“I uhm.. I’m suppose to.. here. Is that okay? That’s… what you are used to. Correct?” He cleaned the area quickly by swiping it with a bit of disinfected cotton, and it was… weirdly _different_ to what she was used to. Even though it was exactly the same. 

Kara nodded again, biting down hard on her lip. She waited and waited until she sighed. “Just do it already.”

Mon-El chuckled a little bit, holding the empty syringe within her view, having not warned her before he stuck the needle in. It was better that way – she didn’t have to anticipate the pain. 

“Oh.” She looked down, and only then noticed the slight sting. But it was barely anything. 

“Just like that. You’re all done.”

“Thanks.”

“I feel very strange about you thanking me for that. But you’re welcome, I guess.” Mon-El struggled to make eye contact, shuffling around to gather everything up and shove it back in the bag for disposal, before he got up and shifted his chair back to where it had been over at the dining room table. Kara got up to follow him, putting her hand on his arm so that he would turn to her.

“I know it's… strange to you. But I am grateful.” She inwardly begged him to look at her, and he did, their eyes locking together for a long moment of silence. He seemed... sad. In a way. Which she could only attribute to his perception of her captivity. 

He lifted his hand to brush his thumb along her cheek, his wistful look seemingly filled with regret.

“No one should have _ever_ been allowed to just take you like that. I can’t imagine. I’m sorry about what happened to you, Kara.” He sighed, his moment of vulnerability so open and caring.

She brought her hand up to cover his – the one that was still against her face – leaning into his touch. “…Do you.. regret it? Finding me?” She continued to scan his eyes, their immortal grey puling her in.

“Not for a second.”

 

*

 

In typical Kara fashion, she had retreated to have a nap after her injection, letting the sunlight alleviate the strange aching in her chest. She had pulled the lavender out of her pocket from earlier that morning – playing with it and crushing it between her fingers until the floral oils made a sweet and calming aroma – before she had fallen asleep. When she awoke, the colours outside her window were somber and fading, letting her know that it was late afternoon. The sun went down fairly early in the winter time, and though she had been warm when she’d fallen asleep on top of the covers, it was getting cooler. Her sweater must still be on the couch in the lounge, so she went out to fetch it.

When she entered the living room, the couches had been moved, and Mon-El was in the middle of moving the coffee table.

“Why are you moving the furniture?” She looked around for her jumper, seeing it was still on the couch, but now across the room. 

“Well. I thought we could use a bit of space.”

“Uhm…?” She walked over and pulled the cashmere over her head, patting it down and feeling much better with the soft fabric and extra layer. 

“Care to dance with me?” Mon-El had finishing moving the rest of the furniture, save for a few plants that were near the edges of the living room. 

“ _Oh.”_ She watched him pick up what she now knew was called an Areca Palm (google was fantastic for learning) and placed it now next to her. 

“I mean, you don’t have to.”

“Don’t we need music to dance?”

Mon-El just shrugged. “Not necessarily. You wouldn’t be able to keep time anyway.”

“Ouch.” She knew it was meant to be a tease, but it came out way more like Mon-El was just being a jerk. 

“Sorry. We’ve established that my humour is… off beat.” He winked at her.

“Well that one was slightly better… keep working on that though. You need the practice.” She sparred with him anyway, though his previous comment had stung a little.

“And you need to practice how to do this.” He grabbed her hand before she could even blink, spinning her once until she landed with one hand on his shoulder to keep herself from falling, her other linked in his. It happened so fast she took a moment to realize she was standing in his arms securely while he held her at the waist. “Not bad…” 

“I didn’t even do that. You did. You are just lucky I didn’t hit you in the face in the process.” 

Mon-El laughed. “Well, that’s all you need to do, really. Do you trust me?”

“Sometimes.”

“Right. I deserved that. But do you trust me to lead you? While we dance…” 

“Sure.”

“Good.” He moved into her space and she took a step back, naturally moving out of his way, but he followed with her. He did it again, and then tugged her closer when he took a step the the side, sliding his hand to up between her shoulder blades to more easily guide her. To her surprise, she didn’t stumble. “I’m not going to let you fall, Kara. Trust your own feet.”

“You’re not even showing me how to dance! You’re just moving.”

“You have to trust me. I’ll show you a few steps in a minute.” 

Kara took a deep breath, but she was thinking too hard, trying to watch when Mon-El was going to move instead of just feeling it and natural moving like the first time, and he bumped into her shoulder. 

“Close your eyes.”

“What?! That's stupid.”

“It is a little. But that’s fine. You don’t trust me yet. I understand.”

“I _do._ ” She closed her eyes to prove it, waiting and then feeling his breath next to her ear. He was close, he was way too close, and it took everything in her not to open them. 

He breathed his next words quietly, like he was lulling her into a calm space. “Now. What do you feel?” 

“Nothing,” she muttered. …Well that wasn’t exactly true. She could feel where his hand was burning a hole in her sweater where it was placed at her upper back. She could feel his gaze on her, though she had her eyes shut, she knew if she was to open them he would be staring right at her. She could feel his shoulder was firm under her hand, and his grip loose but secure on her other. 

“What about now?” He was patient, waiting for her to adjust to the feeling of not being able to see. She could feel his calm breathing, the way his shoulder rose ever so slightly, and she could hear her heartbeat, accelerating in her chest. 

“Is this a test?”

“No, Kara.” He chuckled. "There is no wrong answer." 

“I feel _you_. Breathing.” 

“Okay. Open.” 

Kara let her eyes flutter open and he was just standing there, doing nothing. He was a very strange kind of teacher. 

“Now. I don’t want you to think too hard about these instructions. It will be easier to just concentrate on what you feel – my breathing. But I’m going to teach you a simple waltz. It’s only 3 steps. Starting with your right foot…”

Right foot right foot which one was her fucking right foot?! 

“ _See._ This is why I didn’t start with instructions. You’re thinking too hard.”

“I’m not!”

“You’re crinkling.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“It means you're lying.” He raised his brows, watching her eyes widen a little at being caught. Her expressions gave her away easily, but he eased her fears with a gentle smile. “It’s fine, Kara. You’ll pick this up in no time, I promise.”

She sighed, wondering why he was being overly optimistic about her non-abilities. 

“Right foot back, left foot back, and then together. ...And that’s it.” 

“That’s it?”

“Yup. Don’t think. Just, one foot, the other, and then together. Ready?”

“No…” She rolled her eyes, she was so going to fuck this up.

He moved in one direction while she moved in the other and he laughed. “Your other foot...”

“Right.” 

“That's the one!” He teased.

“I wasn’t meaning that!” 

“I know. Sorry, I’ll shut up. Ready to go again?"

"Sure."

She tried her best to complete the motion in three easy steps, and then they stopped. 

“Good. Now it’s exactly the same, but you start with the other foot first and come forward, instead of backwards..”

“So my…”

“–Don’t think about it. Just do the other.”

“Okay.”

They moved the other way this time, taking a few steps and then coming together to a stop with their feet aligned.

“Uhh… okay.. so now what?” Kara didn’t really think this thing counted as dancing. She knew how to dance anyway… just… well. Not like this. This was hideously boring.

“Well, now you put them together. Just like walking in a box shape. But with an extra thing in the middle.”

“That’s literally it?”

“Well you can add this thing where you shift your weight from your heels to the balls of your feet and then rise to your toes for the last two steps of the three of them… but I thought you might like to just get the basic motion down pat first…”

“Sorry I asked.” Did he know everything? He could play piano and dance and knew botanical whatnot, and it made NO sense. Wasn’t he just suppose to shoot people and steal stuff?

“We can stop if you’re not enjoying this…”

“No!” She replied a little bit _too_  fiercely, _too_ quickly. It was weird, the whole non-dancing dance thing, but he was holding her and it just felt… really nice. 

“Okay. Well… let me know when those wheels in your brain have stopped going a mile a minute and we will try a little Waltz." 

“I’m ready.”

“Good. And…” 

 

**

 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) The original artwork that I posted here belongs to claudiatremblay (Found on Pinterest, sold on Etsy.) I loved the work and so imagined it for one of the scenes in this fic, but this is an original piece made by an artist so full credit to her.
> 
> 2.) Sorry for those of you that don't understand the undertones of the Duke conversation. I was going to cover it here in the notes but it was too long so I'll probably include it in my series of Metas that I have collected over the course of this fic. #BPD.


	46. Epiphany in the night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _But you'll never be alone_   
>  _I'll be with you from dusk till dawn_   
>  _I'll be with you from dusk till dawn_
> 
> _Baby, I'm right here_  
>  _I'll hold you when things go wrong_  
>  _I'll be with you from dusk till dawn_  
>  _I'll be with you from dusk till dawn_
> 
> – Dusk till Dawn, Zayn ft. Sia.
> 
> \--

\--

 

First Eliza, and then this? Her brain was doing weird things and she was absolutely losing it. Kara felt at any moment, she might break. 

She hadn’t even been upset about… the thing… at Daxam. Well she sort of had been. Hugely. Irreversibly. But she got over it just fine. It was fine. It was _meant_ to be fine. It’s not like she hadn’t been raped before. Why NOW? WHAT THE HELL was going on? The ache in her chest just continued to increase, and she thought her body might inwardly collapse from the deep and excruciating pressure. It just kept getting worse, growing tight around her ribcage with pangs of grief twisting in her stomach – repulsive and cold. If it didn’t stop soon, she thought she might either panic or crumble. 

But he was dead. That sick fucking bastard got a knife in his throat and was DEAD. She should have been happy. Poetic justice, right? He could never hurt her again, and she handn't even BEEN hurting until now. WHY NOW?! 

Kara was sitting on the couch trying to remain calm. She didn’t want to be anywhere near her bed. Not right now. At this rate, she'd be thinking about Vik the moment she got anywhere near it. So she stayed awake, her eyes sore but open, a glass of juice in her hand, which she had been trying to painfully swallow so that its sweet flavour would distract her from the foul bitterness in her mouth. 

It wasn’t working. She was a wreck. 

“Kara? What are you still doing awake?”

She thought Mon-El had gone to bed a while ago, but, of course, he somehow knew something was bothering her. More than bothering her. It was eating her alive. “I’m…. sorry… I just…” She swirled the juice around in the glass she was clutching, holding it tightly in her grip so she didn’t accidentally drop it. She was shaking and felt weak all over. She was always going to be weak. 

“What’s wrong?” Mon-El moved to the couch, sitting next to her and gently placing both hands on the glass. She was holding it as if it was her lifeline, but his hands overlapped hers as he asked her to release it to him. “It’s alright, I’ve got it. Let go, Kara.”

She sighed heavily as she finally unravelled her hands from the drink… and her heart along with it.

Bursting into tears, she was unable to halt the sheer force of emotion hitting her with a blunt and brutal impact. Her shoulders heaved as the darkness rose and poured out of her, a blinding pain stabbing her in the chest as she fell apart. 

“…Hey.” Mon-El moved to grip her hand tenderly and remove it from covering her mouth, taking it between his own to soothe circles across the skin. But the sounds from her throat just came out more wild, without her muffling the treacherous sobs with her palm. She couldn’t speak. All she could do was cry. 

And he let her. Without saying a word, Mon-El placed her hand down gently to free his own, so that he could move them to her shoulders, ever so slightly guiding her towards him. She collapsed into his chest, whimpering between small tight breaths. He let himself wrap her in a sheltering embrace, soothing a hand across her back as her body shook. 

She couldn’t stop. She wanted to – she didn’t want to be like this – to be weak. To be a useless bundle of unresolved hurt and resentment. But her mind had finally given up fighting to keep everything neatly tucked into dark corners and ordered compartments. She was just so tired. 

And so she wept. Even when Mon-El’s shirt was literally soaked around the collar, he didn’t move or release her. He just held her until there were no more tears left. And even after that. 

After a long time, she had become almost motionless, still lightly trembling when he spoke quietly against her hair. "Would you like a cup of tea?” He didn’t know what to do. How to soothe her pain. “…or…should I help you up to bed?” Mon-El spoke quietly, giving her an out if she wasn’t ready to talk about it all just yet. The tears had long since stopped, but she remained breathing quietly against his chest, her shoulders rising and falling ever so slightly each time they breathed in time together. “I still have some Dragon Pearl Jasmine… just enough for a cup each, if you’d like...?” He could feel the softness of her tucked into his neck, not speaking, no matter how encouraging he tried to be. She just nodded faintly against his shirt, not yet attempting to move.

He soothed down the length of her hair one last time, stilling his hand at her lower back while he waited for her to let him go. “…I’m going to have to get up to make it, though. Is that okay?” 

“I’m s-so... tired….of fighting,” she mumbled into his shirt, and Mon-El steadied Kara to bring her upright, letting a hand tuck some of her hair behind her ear. 

“I know. And I’m sorry.” 

He was so sincere. The way his touch was soft and his voice soothing. “..tss…not.. your fault…” she continued to mumble weakly, refusing to meet his eyes. 

“I’m sorry that you have to feel these things.” Gently correcting her, Mon-El leaned forward to place a light kiss on her crown, before moving to stand. “Just a minute, okay?”

Walking to the kitchen, Mon-El took out a spoon and swirled some loose leaf tea in hot water, before straining it into Kara’s favourite teacup. (He wasn’t sure when he became aware that this particular one was her favourite, but somehow he knew). Quickly finding a mug of his own, he poured another and then walked slowly back so as to not spill either of the drinks. He set them down gently before turning his attention back to Kara. 

“Careful, it’s hot.”

She just nodded, staring at the light steam drifting up, and finding herself unable to speak. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me about it, I understand. But I do care about you. So… if you want to, you always can.” Mon-El wasn’t sure what else to say. Nothing really _needed_ to be said. As long as she knew that she could come to him if she ever needed to. That was enough. 

“Lena called it trauma.” She suddenly spoke, playing with her hands in her lap and still refusing to look at him. It was like she was ashamed of everything she was. Everything she had been though. 

“…You’ve been hurt. More times than anyone in any life deserves. And the pain never stops…” 

“Yes,” she stated simply, surprised he understood so easily, when she wasn’t really able to put it in words herself.

“And tonight. What changed?”

Kara brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, still staring at the tea on the glass table. “Sometimes it… it just comes back. The.. the feelings.” She felt nauseous, but managed to speak. "At the time, I don’t really… _feel_. I’m just numb.” 

Kara continued to stare at her drink, barely moving or speaking above a fragile murmur. He sat back down next to her, placing a hand lightly on her back. “And, you… suddenly realize the weight of… the things that have happened…? When you are no longer numb to it?”

“Yes…” She whispered, so gently he couldn’t fathom what was possibly going on in her mind. Which feelings was she talking about? It could be any number of things. He didn’t want to press the matter. But she was talking to him. That was good for her, right?

“Which… which time… is it all of them? Or something more recent?”

“I can’t. Please.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.”

She broke into another wave of sobs, covering her mouth to try ease the sounds as her shoulders bowed with the weight of her pain. There was nothing he could do except hold her again as she broke down, trembling and taking shaky breaths.

“… you promised.” He heard her whisper, more to herself than to him, and his throat became dry. They never really talked about what had happened at Daxam. It wasn't something he ever wanted to bring up. She didn’t seem to really have been affected. Almost like it never even happened. But tonight, he could see just how much it broke her. When the mental blocks subsided, it must have all come flooding back.

Kara's grieving was open and unrestrained. She wept earnestly, though she tried not to. He felt a strange collision of disgust and self-loathing, but also surge of protective tenderness and empathy. There was no room to consider his own feelings, all he cared about was her.

And he couldn’t let her go. 

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im not sure what you know about trauma so leaving a little note here in case I didn’t do very well with the chapter. Trauma victims have a huge tendency to dissociate and disconnect from the happenings while they actually happen, as a way to protect themselves and their mind from the trauma. Kara wasn’t hugely effected after the fact (re Daxam chapter Broken Promise), because in her mind, it didn’t really happen – she was absent from it at the time. (‘Pain. Submit. Void. Nothingness.’)
> 
> However, now that she’s feeling a lot more safe and secure, her subconscious has decided to release the weight of what really happened. She’s starting to feel again, and without the safety shut off, some.. things are coming back to her. Often there is gap between event and realization. This happens to a lot of trauma victims. Just so you know that I didn’t forget about it, what happened in that chapter, or take any of what I wrote lightly. I’m simply telling a story the way I want to tell it. And this is some insight about why I made the choices I did. I chose to have her get over it glaringly fast, because her walls were well and truly built to withstand something like that from the conditions she'd been living in. Now, she’s softening those defences. And in order to let things like hope in, the other stuff is coming to the party as well. 
> 
> \--


	47. Masks. (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Celebrating 600 Kudos with a paaarrtttay! Just so you know, this has taken ages to update because Masks is 16k long, therefore it's been split into 3 parts. (Yep, that means the next 2 chapters are extra EXTRA long. ooooooo. exciting. lol.)
> 
> Thanks to @maybetomorrow whose main job is basically adding in thousands upon thousands of commas and laughing at the word banana with me. And other things like being generally amazing. Okay. ENJOY xoxoxx
> 
> \--

\--

 

When Kara awoke, she felt… lighter. Perhaps having a breakdown was cathartic in a strange way. Everything she had been holding in… it was excruciating to release it… but she had let some of it out... and had somehow survived. The night was a bit of a mess in her brain, tangled up and distant. Fragmented. It was fading into the background as she turned over, warm underneath the covers and wanting to rest a while longer. She knew Mon-El was still there. He’d been next to her all night, just laying on top of the covers, staring at the ceiling or sitting up reading with his phone brightness turned all the way down. When she turned, sure enough, he was sitting up staring at a book – now that it was light enough outside to read his novel. He preferred the texture of actual paper.

She closed her eyes to settle back in for a bit more sleep, wondering if he had gotten any himself. “Did you stay awake all night?” She didn’t open her eyes, just let her croaky voice drift over to where he was sitting.

“I did,” his reply came, formal and polite.

“How come?” She pulled the blankets in a little further, trying to get a bit warmer.

“Just making sure you were okay. You had a rough night.”

“I’m okay now.” Honestly, she was. She didn’t know how, but she did feel a little better.

“That’s good.” She heard Mon-El turn the page. But there was something in his voice. Something off.

“Please get some rest. I don’t want you to be tired because of me,” she mumbled, barely awake.

“You don’t want breakfast?”

“I’m gonna sleep in. If that’s okay.”

“That sounds like a good idea. I’ll leave you to it.”

Her eyes popped open to look at Mon-El, who had snapped his book shut, about to move off the bed. She reached out for him, not quite managing to cross the distance. “Stay?”

Mon-El just sighed. Like he was tossing up between retreating to his own space or not.

“You don’t have to.” She didn’t want him to stay just because he pitied her. She slept better with him there, but using guilt to make him stay wasn’t exactly kind.

Mon-El just removed his reading glasses and put his book down on the dresser, shifting to lay down on his back. He crossed his arms, looking at the ceiling.

“You’re not going to sleep,” she interpreted.

“I’m just thinking. Go on. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“But why won’t you sleep, too?”

“I’m not feeling so great. It’s fine.”

“You’re upset.”

“Disappointed, more like. In myself. Nothing you’ve done. Don’t worry about it.”

“But–“

“We can talk more later."

“But–“

“ _Kara_.” His tone was warning. Final. He didn’t use that kind of voice with her often, and it made her uncomfortable. She didn’t want to give in, but she didn’t understand what was going on and was too afraid to say anything. Instead, she moved closer, until she was able to pull one of his arms down from where it was crossed over his chest, snuggling into him a bit. He was tense, but let her move him all the same.

 

*

 

A few hours later she woke on her side, finding a pair of bright meteors staring straight back at her.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Her voice was dry from sleep again, and she raised a hand to rub her eyes.

“Forgive me?”

“Huh?”

He was staring at her all deep and strange as she sat up, letting the covers fall as she looked at him expectantly. She waited for an answer, but his eyes flicked briefly down for a microsecond, so she turned over and reached down to the floor to pick up her sweater and pull it on. He preferred her to be modest. So. Whatever.

“Forgive me...” He asked again, and she didn’t even know that the hell she was forgiving him for.

“I don’t understand.”

“For… for. Failing to protect you. At Daxam. I broke my promise.”

“It wasn’t a promise you could ever keep. I didn’t ask you to make it.”

“But I did. And you got hurt. And. I’m sorry.”

“You can’t protect me, Mon-El. No one can. It’s not your job to protect me.” She huffed. Is this why he wouldn’t sleep? He was busy berating and beating himself up over something he had put on his own shoulders. She had been upset at the time, more so because the suddenness of being safe and then NOT had crushed her. But she didn’t expect much of the world. It was a cruel and ungodly place. It wasn’t his fault. “I was in pain. And I had just found out you worked at Daxam. And then… _that_ happened. I wasn’t upset with you. Well I was. But it was just lot to take in. I was hurting. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Was?”

She sighed. “I’m still hurting. A bit. But not because of you. You are the one thing that is making this easier.”

“I don’t understand. I failed you.”

Kara reached over and pulled his hand into her lap, staring up into his sad eyes and trying to get through to him. “If you need my forgiveness, you have it. But the actions of some cruel hideous bastard were not your fault.”

“Oh.”

She released him. But she was getting hungry – that was good. She was expecting her appetite to be gone for at least a week. Something about Mon-El’s comforting presence really did make things easier.

“Still. I’m sorry.” He looked down at his hands, playing with one of his fingers. It wasn’t his fault. But really it was. She didn’t know that Kahn was employed by HIM. That Daxam was owned by his family. That he didn’t just work there. He was at least partially responsible for all the terrible things that had happened to her – even if he had been barely a teen when she was ‘employed' at Daxam. It was still his family business. Vik was one of his mother’s right-hand men. He _did_ need her forgiveness. But he would never deserve it. He hadn’t even told her the truth.

“Can we have some breakfast now?” Kara changed the subject, wanting Mon-El to know she honestly was not holding anything against him.

He looked up from his fidgeting, running a hand through his hair. Ugh, gross. He needed a shower. Still, some breakfast and a coffee first might be good. “Smoothies?”

“Depends. Did you get mango at the store this time?”

“I did. Ye of little faith…”

Kara let a small smile form as she hopped up to get properly dressed. “Just checking. I’ll be out in a minute. I, uhm, need to get cleaned up.”

“Take your time.”

 

*

 

Kara got dressed and got rid of the sweater she had been wearing too much, replacing it with another. It wasn’t her favourite, but it was really nice. Actually, she didn’t think she had even worn this one yet. How much stuff did she have? She reached down for her hairbrush, just for her hand to hit the wooden dresser. What? She was sure she left it there. She always left it in the same place. Mon-El must have moved it – but to where? She sighed and went to the bathroom, washing her face and noticing her nose was still a bit red from all the crying. Shit. She was going to have to practice doing her make up today for the party tonight. She never had to do it herself. She had worn some every now and then when Mon-El took her out, just to get the hang of doing it herself. But… fuck it. She tied her hair up since it was a bit of a mess. She would just have a shower soon.

She walked into the kitchen to see Mon-El was chopping up some fruit, and she reached into the fridge to get the vanilla yogurt out. “Mon, have you seen my hairbrush?”

“Uh… no. I don’t really keep track of your stuff, sorry. I mean, apart from your socks which always seem to go into the wash in pairs and then one of them just magically disappears.” He cut some strawberries gently into halves and put them aside to cut the mango up.

“That’s fine. I just. Always leave my hairbrush it in the same place. Can’t seem to find it. And doesn’t everyone lose their socks? Pretty sure the dryer eats them.” She shrugged and pulled a few bananas off the bunch to peel them, putting them on the chopping board for Mon-El.

“Thanks.” He stepped to the side to allow Kara to get the french press out of the cupboard for his coffee and then went back to what he was doing. "Hey uhm… I’ve been thinking… we don’t have to go tonight. After. You know.”

“It’s fine. You have to go.”

“I’d rather piss a few people off than drag you along. And I know you don’t like to be alone here for extended periods of time.”

“You do?”

“You always seem to snap at me or be upset when I leave or when I return. I’ve only just noticed the pattern.”

“Sorry… I..”

“It’s alright. You’ve really gotta stop apologizing for just being yourself. It’s taking me a while to get the hang of what you are used to, but I’ll get there.”

“I still wanna go.” She collected the strawberries and mango up, putting them in the smoothie thing before she heaped in a spoonful of yogurt.

“You do?” Mon-El was surprised. “You don’t have to come along because of me.”

“I’ve been to parties before. It's one thing I actually know how to do.”

Mon-El wondered if he had ever come across Kara at a party before. If she was with Vik. He spent too much time in the VIP area to really know. Rhea was pretty exclusive and hard to access at parties – if she ever attended them at all. The ones they hosted were always at Daxam and she was with her little posse, though tonight would actually be at the Gand Mansion. Vik was allowed upstairs with the VIPs, but he preferred to spend all his time with his boys, and remained downstairs with the ‘commoners,’ as Rhea liked to call them. Surely Mon-El would have remembered Kara if he had ever bumped into her. Still, he wondered.

“Banana?” She asked, wondering why it was taking him so long to chop them up.

“Right.” He made quick work of it and moved out of the way so she could scoop the slices up off the chopping board, placing them in with the rest of the ingredients. “Are you sure you want to? It’s not just because you feel you have to?”

“I want to wear my new dress.” She stated simply, and before he could answer he was drowned out by the spinning roar of Kara blending their smoothies.

 

*

 

“Kara, get out of the shower!! You’ve been in there for over an hour!” Mon-El was leaning with his head on the door. He was tired. And just wanted a flipping shower.

“But my stuff is in this one.” She called through the door. “Use the other one!”

“This is MY SHOWER. In MY ROOM. _YOU_ use the other one.” He heard her turn the water off, but she was apparently still taking her sweet time.

“But this one is nicer, ” he heard her speak through the door. He was seriously starting to wonder why in the hell he’d let someone live with him.

“Exactly! Which is why this one is MINE.” He groaned.

“Alright, alright, I’m done anyway.” She whipped the door open and slipped past him, her hair dripping wet while holding a towel tightly around her as she went to get dressed in her room. At least she had the courtesy to go back to her own room instead of taking another fifteen minutes to dress and dry her hair like she so often did. In his fucking ensuite.

Ugh. He swore he would have kicked her out and made her use the other one more often if he didn’t have such a soft spot for her. Taking advantage of his weaknesses. Flipping. Stupid. Gorgeous. Stupid. Girl.

“If you wanted a shower so badly you could have just joined me!” He heard Kara call out before her door shut and he facepalmed.

_What am I to do with you._

 

*

  
The night of the party arrived, and Mon-El still couldn’t really believe that Kara had agreed to go with him, considering there would be lots of people and it would be rather loud – lots of stimuli that could trigger her anxiety. But even when he kept asking if she was sure, Kara had mulled it over and decided she’d really like to have a night out. He was pretty pleased with that, even though a part of him was freaking out, worrying that Rhea might find out his secret.

He was waiting outside after Kara had given him the ‘5 more minutes!’ through her door, (15 minutes ago…). Not that he minded, really. They were actually already an hour ‘late’ anyway, since Michael Gand never showed up to a party until it had formed a nice, comfortable, bustling group of people. Fashionably late was always better. He had left the outdoor light on and sat on one of the steps under its glow when she still showed no sign of being ready, getting his phone out to play a quick round of Candy Crush.

He finally heard Kara nearing the door in her heels and stood up, slipping his cell phone in his pocket and smoothing down his jacket one last time before she emerged.

She looked… ethereal. She was a vision, angelic and stunning in every way. The white lace bodice flowed into a delicate lilac tulle, long and beautiful. It wasn’t like the flirtatious or sexy outerwear he was used to seeing at parties. It took his breath away so much more than that. And the dress seemed so… _her_ … soft and gentle and flowing. She floated down the front steps towards him and he swore his heart might have stopped for a second.

“Is it okay?” Kara looked up from under her long dark lashes and he could barely breathe. But knowing she needed the reassurance, he pulled himself together before she could notice.

“Are you joking? You’re gorgeous, Kara.”

Her gaze ducked away, a small blush creeping up her cheeks, but he used a hand to gently guide her face back to him, all the while trying to still his heart. He tucked one of her golden curls away from her eyes. “I mean it. Really. You–“

Her lips were suddenly on his, rising on her tippy toes to reach him. A hand slipped behind his back to keep her balance, the other finding its way to his cheek. She was gentle, but sure, holding the kiss for barely a moment before releasing him. He found himself dazed, his lips gravitating to follow hers as she pulled away, but not quite managing to let himself seek her out. His eyes fluttered open weakly.

Gods. If she didn’t already know she was his weakness, surely she would by this.

“Will you help me?” she questioned, holding up the intricate white mask in her hands. He had to blink a few times to understand what she was asking of him.

“Right, of course.” He took it from her gently and she turned, holding it in place over her eyes, while he took the delicate ribbons and tied them together, making sure that it was secure. Adding an extra knot so that it wouldn’t accidentally fall during the night, his hands fell to her shoulders, soothing over them to let her know he was done.

It was a risk taking her, he knew. But there would be so many people anyway, plus, no one would question him taking a date. It would be more strange if he turned up to a party without someone. And strangely, she didn’t seem at all scared of the prospect of attending such an occasion.

“Shall we go?” She whipped around and smiled brightly, linking her hand with his and tugging him in the direction of his car. Since when was she the one leading and him following? This was new. He should be against it. But he was finding himself a little bit awestruck, eventually tightening his grip even more on Kara by lacing his fingers through hers, brushing over her thumb. How could he say no to her?

He let her lead him to his car, and she was actually… excited? She was looking forward to the party it seemed, and he wasn’t sure he was going to last the night without being able to see all of her beautiful features, covered by her mask. Still, it gave them the perfect way to spend some time together – no one would suspect a thing. Eve couldn’t have picked a better theme for the night. He couldn’t believe his luck.

“What about your mask?”

“I’ll put it on when we get there. Gotta drive,” he reminded her, knowing the mask would slightly obscure his peripheral vision. She just bit her lip and nodded as he opened up the car door for her and let her gently slide into the passenger seat. He watched as she gracefully swept her skirt up underneath her to sit, fiddling with it a little to smooth it out. Mon-El was about to close the door, but quickly leaned down to press a light kiss to her hair, and by the time Kara had looked up, he had already closed it. Now they were even.

Did she imagine that? Her hand went up to her hair, smoothing over it, thinking that perhaps Mon-El had… no. Whatever.

He was smug by the time he had walked around to the driver's side and stuck the key in his Mustang. Hearing the roar it made when the engine came to life never got old to him. Gods he loved this car. He turned to Kara one last time before sticking it in gear, making sure she really was okay with attending the night.

“Sure you wanna go?”

“Mmhhm.” She nodded her confirmation, so he turned his head to see out the rear window and backed down the driveway, trying not to smile as he realized this might be their first actual kinda date.

“Hey, Mon-El…”

“Yeah?"

“Nice seats.”

 

 

**


	48. Masks. (Part 2)

 --

 

 

Mon-El pulled up in front of his family home, trying to remain calm. Kara didn’t know it was his parent’s mansion. And she had a mask on. No one would suspect a thing. He would just… go in there, and enjoy his night.

“Holy. _Shit._ ” Kara was looking out the window at the massive front door, four men greeting guests – a pair on each side of it. 

“Huh?”

“Uhm. This place is... a bit... ostentatious. Don’t you think?”

“Oh, yeah. It is a little, I suppose.” He was so used to it, he forgot that the Gand mansion was… well.. a sight to behold, really. “Perks of Old money, I guess. And for us, that means free booze.” He got out and quickly tossed his keys over to the valet before walking around to Kara’s door, opening it for her. “You ready?”

“I think so.” Kara took Mon-El’s hand and stepped out of his car, and she couldn’t help but notice the other  _extremely_ luxurious vehicles that were parked around the large driveway area. Mon-El’s Mustang was nothing compared with the stunning array of atrociously expensive cars pulling up. By comparison, his was actually fairly modest. 

“I thought you said you were the richest one here?” She whispered to him as they walked up the front steps. 

_Oh, you have no idea._ He didn’t really care about being rich. He took it all for granted, he supposed, and he enjoyed nice things, but some just seemed... unnecessary. His place on the coast was beautiful and large enough for just him. Any bigger and grander and it would just seem cold and empty. It would just be a waste. “Just because I _have_ money doesn’t mean I make a show of flaunting it. You’re wondering why I drive a 50k Mustang instead of a 3 million dollar Ferrari, aren’t you? _“_

“Well. Yeah…?"

“Truth be told, I love Ruby. She’s my babe. She’s been my honey since I was fifteen…”

“Ruby?”

“My car. That’s her name.”

“Oh my god. You are like... a 13-year-old.”

“You don’t approve?”

“You’re joking. Ruby? What is that, some kind of teenage fantasy name for your hot bae?”

“You did not just say bae.”

“Your sexy, hot, _bae_.”

“Okay… maybe teenage me was a little bit of a boy.”

“A fuckboy, I’ll bet.”

“Good evening, Michael. And you look lovely tonight, miss. We hope you’ll enjoy your night. Welcome to the Ga–”

“Well, good evening to you too! Have a great night, men! Cheers.” Fuck. He shouldn’t have mentioned he was a Gand. Fuckity fuck. Well, at least Kara didn't recognize the place. He was so busy worried about Rhea killing them both that he'd forgotten there was always a slight possibility she had been here before. Extremely unlikely, but still possible.

“Well, that was overly enthusiastic,” Kara muttered.

“Sorry. They annoy me.”

“They were just greeting us. I thought you went to formal events all the time?”

“Ahhh… yeah. I do.”

“Well you don’t act like you d… _JEEPERS!_ ” Kara's eyes went wide at the lavishly decorated floor in front of her. She had seen a gold staircase, luxurious mansions, and been to her fair share of parties. But this? Flipping. Heck. Absolutely no expense had been spared. Towers of champagne, waiters and waitresses in slick suits serving cocktails, tables covered in luxurious food.... There were lights of purple and gold, casting a glow on the polished marble floors and enormous double marble staircase. Golden and white orbs hung from the ceiling, and there were extravagant crystal bowls filled with various coloured drinks next to perfect glasses. On the far side of the room, there was a curtain made of entirely out of lights, drawn back to reveal a red carpet that disappeared around the corner.

“That goes to the ballroom.” Mon-El watched Kara’s wide eyes trying to take everything in. “Come on, we’d better not stand in the doorway."

The floors were so polished, they shimmered with reflections and colours, making it seem as though the guests were walking across water. There was a CRYSTAL FUCKING TREE near the staircase, glittering as if it was made out of REAL diamonds, and… “Please tell me those are chocolate fountains.” Kara gawked at everything, not sure where to start. There was even a waterfall coming from the second level, flowing down and disappearing somehow into the floor. 

"Of all the things to comment on, it had to be the chocolate fountains, huh?"

Kara didn't even hear him, as she looked to her right to see a gigantic lion, carved out of marble to match the staircase. “Is that... Is that a sculpture of a lion?”

“Yeah. That’s Joe.”

“Joe?”

“I mean. I’ve uh. Been here before, is all. Yeah. Uhh. The lion’s name is Joe.” Mon-El scratched his cheek.

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not.”

“What kind of _idiot_ names something that majestic _JOE_? Seriously, even _you_ could have come up with a better name."

“Yeah… uh.. whoever named him must have been a total idiot…” Mon-El shrugged, trying not to be offended that Kara thought so little of his naming abilities.

They continued to just meander around the main floor, making their way from the entrance towards the people ahead of them chatting and enjoying drinks. Mon-El just took his time, so that Kara could take everything in. She was surprised to see couples making out already, a few guns just lying around unattended on tables while they did so. Mon-El merely guided her towards the more… proper guests.

She admired the bouquets of white roses, the bottles of who-the-heck-knows-what in ice buckets, and the lavish cakes and treats and snacks so neatly ordered across tables. She tried not to reach for the stack of gold covered chocolates that were in a pyramid when they passed, but couldn’t resist. She took two, just in case Mon-El tried to steal hers.

“Choccie?” She held it up for Mon-El and he took a bite out of it, smiling to offer his thanks. She ate hers and the other half of his, while Mon-El got them each a drink. He gently passed Kara a glass before he spotted a woman who was unmistakably Eve, talking with a man who was most likely her date.

He bumped her on the shoulder, and she turned around to greet them. "Hello, Eve.”

“Oh, hi Mike. How'd you know it was me?"

"You're the only one adventurous enough to wear a rainbow watercolour dress and bright yellow heels."

"Oh. Well.. you know me.” She did a twirl for him, showing off her bold, yet tasteful choice of fashion. “You’re meant to have your mask on. It’s a masquerade, remember?”

“Oh, right. I was driving and then forgot about it.” He shuffled around in his pocket for it before pulling it out of his jacket, handing it to Kara. “Do you mind?”

“Sure thing.” Kara stood behind him, reaching up as far as she could to tie the ribbons of Mon-El’s mask together. “Is it tight enough?”

“Yup. Thanks.”

She smiled brightly and relinked her arm back with Mon-El’s, standing at his side.

“Ahhh, so this is your girl..." Eve taunted, giving Mike a sly grin.

"And this is your guy," he sparred back.

"What's your name, blondie?”

"K-“

"KIRA. It's Kira." Mon-El rushed to keep Kara's real name a secret, not really thinking of it until now. "And who's under the mask here?"

"W–“

"WILL. It's short for William. We met at the coffee shop." Eve was quick to cut her date off before he introduced himself as well. She quickly changed the subject, not wanting to get into too much detail about her date. "That's a gorgeous dress, Kira. Where did you get it?”

"Uhmm.." Kara looked at Mon-El, not sure if she was allowed to say anything.

“Skylar, wasn’t it, Kira?”

"OH MY GOD YOU SHOP AT SKYLAR?! You must be LOADED! Is that from their new collection?! I'm SO jealous right now. All of their pieces are great, to be honest, but their new stuff is just so well-crafted and utterly beautiful. Obviously." She motioned up and down Kara’s dress, and it took quite some effort for her not to blush at all the attention.

Mon-El just grinned. “Eve's into fashion. She’s designing her own line at the moment, actually.”

"We should go to a show sometime! You'd ADORE the shows I go to. Stunning pieces. Creative and gorgeous, and SO well crafted. Seriously a-ma-zing. I'd love to show you the work I'm doing, but it's kind of a secret until I launch it – thanks for that, Mike, by the way.”

“Sorry, if you want to keep it a secret you should probably stop excitedly talking about it all the time and dropping hints about your resignation at work. Seems like you won’t be with us much longer. Don't forget me when you're famous, Eve…”

“PAHA! Says the most famous person in the room! Oh! I gotta go tell those idiots where the chocolate fountain goes. It's meant to be with the desserts, not the drinks! Seriously?” She rolled her eyes. "I’ll be back." She started to leave and noticed someone else she recognized. "OH! Charlotte is here!” Eve took off, buzzing around and seemed to be in charge but at the same time had stopped to gossip with a group of pretty girls who were glancing up and down everyone that entered the front door.

"I have to quickly do the rounds and greet the VIPs. Sorry, it will only take a moment, they are upstairs. Be back in a sec.” Mon-El took off up the stairs. He didn’t want to leave Kara alone with William too long, but he needed to make sure Rhea was pleased and that he made his presence known before he went on to enjoy his night. His mother would be upstairs in the area cordoned off for VIPs only – which was basically only a handful of people. Rhea liked to make a show of it – a large and lavish party for all of those to see – at least, those connected to Daxam as either clients or employees or even their plus ones. But that didn’t mean they actually got the pleasure of her company. It was just a show, putting her riches and status on full display, as a reminder of her power and position.

There were two men standing at the top of the stairs, acting as bouncers – but once Mon-El lifted his mask to sit up on his forehead, they just removed the red rope from its hook and let him pass. He was immediately greeted by a scene of laughter and lavish booze, Lillian, Lar, and Rhea, of course acting like royalty – surrounded by a few others. His mother was glowing while was saying something to a handful of pristinely dressed business partners.

“…ah yes, courtesy of Lena. We have a buyer actually, but I thought it would be a shame to just let it sit in the back when it could be hanging on the wall for a few weeks. Isn’t Lena just fantastic? I’m not quite sure how she manages to pull off the things she does, but I’m glad to have her around.” She turned and smiled at Lillian, and Mon-El raised his eyes to see the Saturn on full display. Of. Fucking. Course.

And of course, he wouldn’t even get a mention. Because Rhea _adored_ Lena. And his mother couldn’t give two shits about the fact that HE was the one that brought the Saturn to her, through his connection to the youngest of the Luthors.

“Ah, Michael. Nice of you to join us.” She smiled brightly, pleased to show off her son and his glowing reputation, (even though she was the only one that didn't consider him as highly as everyone else).

“Just thought I’d say hello, and express my thanks for a wonderful evening. A nice turn out.”

His father spoke up then, calm and stoic. “We trust you’ll have a good time, my son. You deserve it. Did you enjoy your time off?”

“I did, thank you, Father. Itching to get back to work though. You know me.” He sent his father a wink, before addressing Lillian. “Good evening, Lillian. Lovely to see you again, it’s been too long.”

“Indeed it has. Lena’s been giving you a run for your money, I hear…” She smirked, proud of her daughter taking apparent first place over Rhea’s son.

“Well, you know Lena.” He smiled and shrugged, giving off his usual aura of confidence. He knew Lillian was no fool, but just because they both knew he hated Lena's ability to one up him, didn’t mean he would ever show it. “Is she here?”

“I’m not sure. Though if she is, you’re bound to find her in the ballroom.”

“Of course. Wooing men only to crush their hearts in disappointment, I’ll bet.” Mon-El grinned and then realized this was NOT the place for that kind of joke. Lillian took it surprisingly well, however.

“A man deserves to have his ego crushed every now and again. Keeps them in check.” She grinned back at him, and Mon-El was glad she was being such a good sport. He was about to turn to leave when another man cut in.

“I don’t believe we have met.” He extended a hand to shake, which Mon-El politely accepted. “Non. And this is my wife, Astra."

“Nice to meet you both.” He shook the man's hand, firm and calm, before greeting his wife. “Astra, you look lovely, I hope you’ll both enjoy your night.”

“Thank you, Michael. Nice to sometimes mix business with pleasure.” She raised her glass winked at him, making him slightly uncomfortable, seeing as she was sitting with her hand intertwined with her husband's.

“Ahem.” He cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll leave you to it then. Mother. Father.” He nodded politely and exited the way he came.

 

*

 

"So whats your real name?” Kara asked.

"Winn. You?”

"Kara.”

"Makes sense. Well, your secret's safe with me.”

"Yours too.”

They drank champagne in awkward silence, knowing they were comrades stranded in the same boat. He was Eve’s secret. And she was Mon-El’s.

“How do you even keep up with her?” Kara didn’t realize she had even asked Winn the question and hoped he didn’t take offense. But Eve was probably the brightest and most energetic presence in the room, flitting about in her zippy little zig zags while her rainbow dress floated around with her.

“Honestly, sometimes I don’t even know.” The lanky male beside her grinned, as they both became Wallflowers, people watching together at the bottom of the stairs. They took in the couples, the groups of arrogant eligible bachelors, and the elegantly dressed waiters. There was a fierce looking couple wearing dresses that nearly matched – both black, but one with a diamond slit in the left side showing her ribs, and the same one in the blonde’s right side, showing hers. They were symmetrical, and all the men stared at them while they held hands and parted the sea of partygoers. “I think Sara was an assassin in another life. Don’t mess with those two…” Winn was apparently watching the scene same as her, quietly observing.

“Who’s Sara?”

“The blonde who looks like she might rip your throat out.”

“Yeah. She’s got that vibe.”

“Then again, so does Michael… how did you manage to land him? That's a story I’d like to know…”

“Uhhh. It uhm. Kind of. Just happened.” Kara took another drink from her champagne glass, finishing it way too fast.

“So you’re not... scared of him?”

“Are you?”

“Of course! Are you joking? Everyone here is afraid of him.”

“Oh. Um. I…”

“–Making friends huh?" Mon-El descended the last of the stairs to rejoin Kara, noticing that Eve had still not returned. He leaned down to whisper something in the other man's ear so that Kara wouldn't hear him. "I'm impressed. Eve's a catch... better go catch her again before she gets away..." He pulled back and winked, but the other male wasn't sure if he was allowed to take the compliment as a friendly joke. Instead, he just took the opportunity to excuse himself.

"Nice meeting you, Kira. Michael." He acknowledged them both as he strode off in the direction of his girlfriend, avoiding the bigger men that seemed to be eyeing him up and down for his lack of muscle or tatts. He didn't really fit in here. Mind you, neither did Kara. She was beautiful... but seemed gentle in nature. Too gentle for a place like this.

“So…” Mon-El offered up his arm, now that they could really begin their night.

“Please don’t tell me we have to dance.”

“Just one proper dance. Then I’ll show you where the cool kids spend most of their time.”

“Do we have to...?” She took his arm and began walking across the marble floor with him, letting him guide her through the masses of strange people.

“Come on, I know you liked learning something new.”

“I just liked you holding me.” She admitted, her eyes going a bit wide when she realized she’d spoken her thoughts out loud. Shit. Blame the champagne.

“Oh, is that so…” A warm smile spread over Mon-El’s face, entirely smug.

“Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Never… what you do you think, I’m some arrogant asshat?” He was playful, letting her know that he was still Mon-El with her, even if the others in the room were calling him Michael.

“Why is everyone staring?”

“Sorry about that. Michael and Kira will probably be the talk of the town for a little while.”

“Why? Do they have no lives?”

“Haha, you’re in a room full of people that make their money off information – gossip and secrets to trade. Among other things.”

“What could they possibly hope to gain from seeing me with you?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s just habit to them, to observe and gossip. To keep up with what is happening in our world, however insignificant.”

“Put your mask back down. I hate it.”

“Sorry." He quickly slipped it down so they could be left to themselves. "So... what do you think of Eve? She’s a nice girl. Sorry if she was a bit intense. She’s very…”

“Energetic.”

“Yes, very.”

“She’s okay. You work with her?” Kara tightened her grip on Mon-El’s arm, avoiding someone in a mask that looked more like a demon than a masquerade. 

“Yeah, she’s about one of the only people I can stand.”

“She’s allowed to just… resign? From Daxam?”

“Of course. Well… sort of. There are certain things she will never be able to get back. Her privacy, for example.”

“You’ll keep tabs on her wherever she goes.”

“Yup. Even if she goes halfway across the world, someone will always be watching. You don’t get to know the inner workings and secrets of a business like Daxam and just go on your merry way. She will have to stay loyal to us forever.”

“Us?”

“Daxam, I mean.”

“That’s why you never leave?”

“In part…” He stopped in front of the ballroom space, having gotten to the east wing. He didn’t want to keep secrets from Kara. But what was he suppose to do? Tell her Rhea was his mother and Daxam was his family business? It was for the best. He just wanted to enjoy their night. Then maybe he would think about telling her. “Shall we dance?”

“Alright. But just one."

Mon-El didn’t take Kara far, just to the edges of the dance floor where they could stop easily if she wanted to and not be swallowed up by the sea of dresses and pressed suits. Kara tried to concentrate, but was both confused and fascinated by the diverse range of people that filled the mansion. The ballroom was a completely different scene to the one in the foyer. Here, there were women that were posh and poised, and they seemed older, a lot different compared to the groups of young men covered in tattoos with hardened faces. Here, there were men here who seemed to be either businessmen or the types of people you’d find at an expensive art auction, utterly perfect in both dress and form.

“There’s no way I can dance like that,” Kara announced, looking around at the stunning ballroom.

“That doesn’t matter. We are just here to enjoy ourselves. Don’t worry about them.”

“But...”

“Just focus on my breathing, remember?” He twirled Kara around to face him, gently putting a hand on her waist. “Do you remember the steps?”

“Not really. This whole thing is a little overwhelming.”

“We don’t have to. That’s alright. Just thought you might like to try.”

“Wait, wait. ...I’ll _try_.” She secured her hand firmly in Mon-El’s to make her point, resting her other lightly on his shoulder. She felt him slide his hand from her waist up her back, securely holding her.

“May I have this dance?”

“You may,” she nodded, almost giggling at his chivalrous intro.

He leaned down to her ear, taking the breath from her lungs. “Just trust me. Listen to the music. Feel my breathing. And trust me.”

Kara swallowed and just nodded, unable to form words with him so close and attentive. His warmth was irresistible, seducing her into a place of restful ease. Starting was the hardest bit, but after a few tries, they managed to gently sway together, and everything else in the world just fell away. Nothing else seemed to exist – save for Mon-El, his breathing, and his hands holding her tight. He was astoundingly gentle with her, guiding her every movement, following close. With his mask on, Kara's focus narrowed down to his eyes. Just his eyes. They were tender and yet full of anger and mystery all at the same time. She had so many questions. So many things she wanted to know about him. What was he like when he wasn’t with her? Where did he grow up? Did he have siblings like her? Had he lost people too? He had both a subtle pain that was set in his gaze, and yet he was smiling gently. Under these lights, they would change from grey to slate to almost a clear silver with the slightest hint blue. It was hard to tell. Almost like they had no colour at all, and just picked up other colours as they danced. With him, it was effortless, and she felt herself lulled into each movement, becoming responsive to the slightest tough or guidance. She yielded to him entirely, until they moved as one. 

Mon-El stopped suddenly, and Kara noticed the song had changed to something else. “Wasn’t so bad, was it?” He smiled gently, letting his hand fall from her back.

She was so lost in his eyes she hadn’t really taken in that they were dancing. It seemed to be over all too soon. Kara looked down at her feet, not sure if she should ask. But he liked dancing. Surely he wouldn’t mind. “Can we. Maybe. Just... one more?”

“See… I knew you liked it.” Mon-El let his hand settle back to its place between her shoulder blades, tugging her a little closer. “Or maybe you just like me holding you…” He winked.

“Oh, shut up."

 

*

 

Kara was glowing when they finished their second dance. Halfway through, Mon-El decided to teach her a little more, and though they probably looked like idiots compared to everyone else, it was nice to learn with him. Instead of feeling crap whenever she stepped on his toes, she just laughed and said ‘I told you so.' He twirled her unexpectedly more than a few times, always catching her, and it gave her a light thrill. It was so nice, but she was starting to get a little dizzy from the exertion, or maybe it was the alcohol. Still, she needed a little rest. 

“You want to come find the cheesecakes with me?”

Ugh, how did he KNOW? He was so perfect. Kara smiled, and started thinking about how those glorious chocolate fountains looked. “I’m not sure which of us has the bigger sweet tooth, me or you.”

“Definitely you.” He grinned, and took her hand to lead them back towards the centre of the mansion. 

It was probably true. But she _had_ seen Mon-El sneaking some cookies from his stash once, when he thought she was asleep. He was so embarrassed about it, right up until he asked her what SHE was doing in the kitchen so late at night. (She had a hankering for her strawberry milk. So what?)

Kara could not believe how much FOOD there was, and it was loud and crowded, but she didn’t mind so much. She was with Mon-El. 

“I recommend either the Salted Caramel or Lemon. Or French Vanilla. The rest are kinda average.” He passed her a plate and got his own. 

“We aren’t gonna share like a showoff-y couple?”

“No, I want some. And you’ll just eat it.”

“Probably right.” She went for the french vanilla, and then the white chocolate raspberry, ignoring Mon-El’s recommendations for the others. He, of course, took his own advice and got the caramel one and a slice of lemon. 

“You’re awesome.” Mon-El smiled.

“Huh?”

“Well, most girls at parties just… either don’t eat, or steal a spoonful of mine. And here we are with FOUR slices between us.”

“And that’s awesome?”

“Very.”

They found a nice secluded table surrounded by pretty lights, and Mon-El moved the flowers out of the way so that they could share their cheesecake slices between them. 

“I know you didn’t take my recommendation, but you gotta try this. It’s almost as good as Lena’s.” He swapped their plates and took some of hers before she could protest. She just narrowed her eyes and stuck her fork in his flavour choices, slightly upset that he has swapped them. That was, until she tasted them.

“Ohhhhkay. You are so not getting this plate back.”

“Hey, now, that’s not very fair.”

“You’re eating my french vanilla!”

“Swap back?”

“Hmmm. Okay.” She took a HUGE chunk out of his first, though, and then she swapped back.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“There’s literally a whole table of food over there, just go get another slice.”

“Wouldn’t want to ruin my Greek God figure.” He winked, eating some more.

“That’s true.” She hummed and continued eating, leaving Mon-El to wonder if that was meant to be a compliment or not.

Kara’s attention wandered off to the women in jewels and glitter, the vast array of masked faces. Their masks did nothing to hide the kinds of people that were probably under them. Kara spotted seductresses and weapon suppliers, those that hand soft hands and only handled the books, and those with the calloused hands of a labourer. She even spotted what looked to be an IT guy. Wait, was that Winn? Winn was totally an IT guy…

She had spent enough time people-watching at parties to sort be able to gauge from body language and, well… stereotypes, to know what was what and who was who. Eventually, she let her gaze return back to her cocktail, and Mon-El was looking at her.

“Whatcha thinking about?”

“I think Will is an IT guy.”

“No.. there’s no way Eve would date an IT nerd.”

“Why not? She clearly wears the pants in that relationship. And he’s whipped. He will follow her around wherever she goes like a loyal hound… trust me.”

“Oh? Well. What about that guy…” He pointed to a bulky male in a suit, athletic build, tall.

“All talk, no action.”

“Huh?”

“Uhm. Like. Salesman? Or something? Charming and charismatic, talks a lot, persuasive. Ego driven. But soft.”

“No way, he’s muscular as fuck.”

“Bet you 50 bucks he’s soft as a marshmallow. Just 'cause a guy has muscles doesn’t mean he wants to punch up everyone in the room."

“Gods, Kara, I had no idea you were so judgemental!”

“I’m not judgemental. I just like… watching people. Trying to figure them out."

“Alright then. What about me?”

“I haven’t really figured you out yet.”

“Go on. Try.”

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t think I can be more offended than when you thought my darling Ruby had a shitty name. Might as well.”

“Alright then.” Kara sighed. “You’re uhm... lost. You’re stuck in your little loop going around and around. What are those things called? Rabbit wheels?”

“Hamster. Basically the same thing.”

“Right. Well... Same shit, different day. I’ve never really seen you do anything other than work, you don't invite people round and spend basically all your time working. And you are good at it, apparently, but it doesn't really seem to be something that fits you. Not that I know what _would_ fit you, but like, life seems to have uhm.. bent you in a direction that was never intended for you." She sighed, before continuing. "But you accepted it. So now you’re living an ill-fitting life all empty and alone, pretending like you give a shit about all… this.” Kara gestured to the pretty lights and space surrounding them. 

Mon-El remained silent as she continued talking. Jeepers she could talk a lot after a drink or two.

“I wasn’t sure at first, but if what you say is true, and you are as rich as all this bullshit around us here, it doesn’t make sense for you to.. be polite to the girl that screws up your coffee order, or tip every last person you see, or stop to pet a fluffy dog on the side of the street. It doesn’t make sense for you to live in the house you do, or clean your own dishes and grow your own fucking vegetables in your garden. The floors of this place are COVERED in servants, from security to…” At that moment, as if Kara couldn’t have timed it better, someone promptly interrupted them to take their plates away and offer them more drinks. 

“Can I get you anything? A red wine, perhaps?”

“I’ll take two of whatever those are,” Mon-El gestured to the bright blue cocktails that the waiter had balanced on a tray in his other hand. The other man nodded and placed a pair of drinks down on the table, before promptly making his way towards the other guests.

“See. _That_. You could have people serve you whenever you want. But instead, you work on your own bike, clean the blood off your own car seats, and act as if you are a working class average Joe, not some white collar criminal who can sit on his golden throne living a preposterously rich life… why are you smiling?”

"You said, 'Joe'. Sorry. Continue.”

“Uhm. I think that was kinda it. You relate more to the commoners than the royalty here. Even though you could fly your own private fucking jet to another city whenever you wanted to."

“But we DID fly my jet to another city.”

“Yes, I know. But. It’s just. Not… making any sense. With everything else.”

“Damn.” It was crazy how many words could come out of Kara’s mouth in such a short space of time.

“Sorry. Was that too intense? Or just way off…? Because… Vik had people constantly attending to his every need. Myself included.” She shrugged chucking back some of her bright blue drink.

“Fucking hell, Kara."

“What? I’m just saying someone like him seemed to fit this life much better than you do."

“I don’t fit this life?”

“Sure you do. You’re good at it. Really REALLY good at it. But… I’m not sure it's… who you _are_.. is all.”

“Damn. Well. That was quite something.”

“Your turn.”

“What?”

“It’s only fair. You know what I think of you. For now... in part, at least. I still have lots of questions. And some other stuff. But another time.”

“You want me to… profile you?”

“You don’t want to?”

“I’m just not sure you'll want to hear it.”

“I’ll try to take it gracefully…”

“I might need to get you some chocolate first. Just in case….”

“Ooo good idea.”  


 

*

 

Kara and Mon-El stood by the chocolate fountain for a while, more so playing with it than actually eating things. Covering things with chocolate was almost as fun as the actual eating, and there was only so much sugar Kara could handle on top of cocktails before she bowed out. 

“As much as I love chocolate, I think I’m done.”

“No way, really?”

“Really.”

Mon-El grinned and continued to reach for strawberries to twist them around under the flowing chocolate. “Who knew. You actually have a limit.”

“Apparently.” She sighed. “So… you gonna tell me how fucked up you think I am now?”

“ _Hey_ …”

“That sounds like a no.”

“Will you be mad if I chicken out?”

“Maybe...”

“I’m just... not sure… you’re ready to hear it.”

“Fair enough. All I’ve done is snap at you and get riled up at shitty nonsense, so–“

“It’s not that. Okay, it’s kinda that. But. I don’t think I can even put it into words.”

“Put what into words?”

Mon-El was growing nervous, the more he thought about what he really thought of her. How she was the most vibrant and beautiful thing in the room. Honest to a fault, and somehow stronger than anyone he had ever encountered on Earth. How could he possibly tell her how much he… admired her? Kara was… like nothing he had ever encountered. So genuine. So interested in life and just tiny, stupid little things. He was so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t even realize when Kara rolled her eyes and wandered down the table to refill her drink, fishing out the strawberries from the punch to get extras. He finally snapped out of it. Mon-El walked up to her, taking her hand and leading her away from the tables. She was taken by surprise. “Hey! I’m gonna spill my drink.”

“I wanna show you something.”

“Huh?”

He didn’t answer, just lead her slowly through the glitter and fine leather shoes, until the crowd thinned out and they passed the staircase, coming to a halt at the edge of the room. There was a red rope cordoning off what looked like a large hallway, leaving her confused. He just stepped over the rope, turning to her and motioning for her to follow him. “Here, I’ll lift you over.”

“Uhm… “ Kara looked down at her drink, not sure what to do with it.  
Mon-El took it from her and placed it balanced between the paws of the marble lion. “Joe can look after your drink for you.” He grinned and turned back to her. “Coming?”

“Are we allowed?”

“No. But it’s me. So. Yes.”

Kara huffed and approached the barrier, putting her hands on Mon-El’s shoulders as he quickly and gently lifted her up, rather awkwardly. He managed to basically drag her over the rope and somehow not fall. “Smooth…”

“Hey, I’m very smooth.”

“You are not.”

“Come on…"

“Where are we going, Mon-El?” She was feeling kind of nervous that they were breaking rules.

“Just… a little further…”

“I don’t understand.”

“There’s just something I think you might like to see.” He led her down a few different hallways, approaching a large door and opening it, leading her inside.

Kara’s eyes expanded into adoring pools, seeing the varied and vibrant art pieces decorating the room. “They have an ART GALLERY IN HERE?”

“Shhh! Kara, we aren't supposed to be in here.”

“How’d you know this was here?”

“Like I said, I’ve been here before.”

“Is that… is that a Van Gogh? There is NO way that is real.” 

“Who do you think stole it? Go on. I’ll give you three guesses.”

“You _didn’t_.”

“You’re right, Lena stole that one, actually.” He chuckled.

“Oh my goodness, why... this is.. gosh.”

“Want me to show you around?”

“Well, obviously.”

Kara’s awe swelled, observing the different masterpieces. Her eyes hovered over each work, trying to take in as much as possible as she slowly walked further into the room. She admired the craftsmanship of paintings and sculptures, some pieces far more tasteful than others, but there was just too much to take in. 

"These ones here, are uhm… recent purchases. Most of them aren’t actually stolen. They belong to uhh… the owners of this mansion. They kind of collect them."

Kara gazed lovingly at the magnificent works of art, which must have been hugely expensive. "These people must be like… the richest ever."

“Pretty much.” Mon-El just shrugged, dying a little inside that he was spinning such a huge web of lies for himself. But he couldn’t help but show Kara their private gallery. And he… had been thinking about what she might like to do when she was… feeling better. And after seeing her art? Well. Things just fell into place a little bit.

"How is that even possible?” Kara reached out to touch one of the paintings, seeing a leopard with golden foil decorating its spots.

“Don’t! Don’t touch anything. Jeepers, it's like watching a kid in a candy shop with you.”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just really beautiful.”

"I hoped you’d like it."

“I wish I could do something like this,” she breathed. 

“Maybe you will one day. Come on, I'd better get you out of here before we get caught.”

“But–“

“Another time, perhaps. Come on, there’s more partying to do yet.”

They retraced their steps, and Kara’s drink was still hidden where Mon-El had left it. They slipped back into the party and rejoined the other guests, who continued to drink and chat and party, remaining none the wiser.

“Maybe we should think about getting you a proper studio…”

“Huh?”

“You love to paint, right?” Mon-El encouraged. But, it was up to her, if she didn’t want to make art and maybe use her passion for a career or something, that was fine.

“Well yeah, but you don’t have to do something like that for me…”

“What if I _want_ to?”

“But–“

“It’s alright. It’s up to you. Plus, you might want to move out of town and start your own life somewhere. I’d better not get too ahead of myself.”

“Mon…?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you… really think about stuff like that?”

“Like what?”

“I dunno… like. Maybe. Having me around… a little longer than you intended.”

“I enjoy having you around, Kara. A lot. But… what you chose to do with your life now… it's entirely up to you. You don’t belong to anyone. And you certainly don’t have to stay with me any longer than you want to."

“What if–”

_“YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!! YOU’RE A TRAITOR!”_ _“WE ARE ALIGNED, YOU ARSEHOLE!!”_  
_“LIKE HELL!! LENA WOULD FUCKING GUT YOU IF SHE SAW YOU HERE!!”  
_  
“SHIT!! Stay here!” Mon-El took off to run towards a group of people, leaving Kara in a sea of masks. She looked up to see men throwing punches and a few even getting knives out, bellowing at one another and making a scene. Mon-El reached them about the same time as a few guys on security, trying to break up the two groups. Lena? What did that have to do with… anything…?

_“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!”_

Two groups formed as men fought alongside each other, defending their friends. Mon-El ripped his mask off and pinned the guy that initiated the fight to the floor, shouting at the rest to fuck off. “GET OUT, OR GET SHOT. _YOUR CHOICE_.” Mon-El’s voice instantly calmed everyone, grumbles and wide eyes coming from around the room.

_“Get the fuck off me, Michael.”_

Mon-El pulled his gun out of his jacket, pressing it into the back of his head. “DID I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" He looked around, making his point that they were to leave or he wouldn’t hesitate to put a bullet in their skulls.

He brought along his gun? Kara wasn’t sure why that would surprise her. Of course he would. But to see him so outwardly vicious was… unsettling. The guys took off, and Mon-El got up and released the offender off the floor, who grumbled and straightened his jacket with a huff before walking to the exit. She watched as Mon-El looked up to the second level, making eye contact with an older man on the balcony. He simply nodded, and the man upstairs nodded down to him, before turning from the railing and disappearing out of sight. It left Kara a bit puzzled, but, everyone seemed to respect Mon-El as Michael, so perhaps he was the best person to break up a little squabble.

Mon-El simply pulled his mask off of the floor and returned it to it’s place over his eyes, waving everyone off to go back to whatever they were doing. They obliged, as if a random fight in the middle of a party was to be expected. Then again, in a place like this, full of testosterone... it probably was.

“Sorry about that.” He returned to Kara, calm and normal, like nothing had happened.

“It’s fine.”

“Want to see The Blackroom?”

“What’s the Blackroom?”

“It’s where the real party starts.”

 

**


	49. Masks. (Part 3)

-

 

Mon-El led Kara away from the main dining area and she heard music getting louder. Heavy, pumping, club music.  _What?_  They continued around a corner, met with a large black curtain hanging from the ceiling. 

“There’s a nightclub at this event?” Kara stopped suddenly, looking at the dark barrier and felt Mon-El grip her hand a little tighter.

“We cater to everyone. The formal ballroom doesn’t really suit.. all types of people.”

“Damn. You guys really know how to throw a party.”

“That we do. Ready for more?”

“Guess so.” She followed Mon-El as he pulled the curtain back, revealing what was.. well... a black room. It suddenly made sense, as she saw the large nightclub area was entirely dark, black lights setting people everywhere aglow. People were covered in psychedelic patterns, their neon colours swirling and tossing as they danced. She was instantly met with a woman in white, who was glowing like an angel under the UV. Her mask glowed as well, and the woman simply nodded at a large container of water that had the same neon swirls glowing on the surface. 

Mon-El spoke directly into Kara's ear, having to compete with the loud music. “You can dip your arm in if you like...”

Kara lifted her arm up, fascinated. Choosing to put it in the water, the woman in white immediately attended to her, turning Kara's arm gently to let the paint decorate her skin, before delicately bringing it out and leading her to a different tray of water to set the paint. When her arm came out, it was covered in what seemed like a glowing tattoo. She was surprised to smooth her hand over it and find that nothing came off. It just stayed stuck to her skin and wouldn’t rub off on her dress or anyone’s clothes. 

Kara traced a finger over the glowing green, swirling into neon pink and bright blue. The psychedelic patterns were fascinating, twisting and marbled. 

"Kinda awesome, right?"

Kara didn't hear him over the booming sounds, but he was smiling at her so it must have been okay. He removed his slick jacket, handing it to one of the angels that tagged it for him and disappeared around a corner. Presumably, they were attending to all the guests, tagging all sorts of clothing and bags that were unneeded by the dancing party goers. Mon-El had worn a plain black t-shirt under his stunning suit jacket, and in mere moments, had relaxed into his more casual attire. 

Kara looked back down at her arm, turning it to inspect the flecks of silver that shimmered next to radiant yellow, forming dreamy mesmerizing paths before looking back up to Mon-El. 

As he turned to face her, a blue beam of light struck the side of his mask for a moment, taking Kara by surprise and she stumbled back. She had forgotten he was wearing a dark mask, and for a second his face wasn't HIS, in a moment both terrifying and sudden, jolting her senses. Dread ripped through her stomach turning her blood cold, an evil presence hovering in front of her as she backed up and slammed into someone who was dancing. 

Mon-El reached out and caught her wrist, and she instantly recognized his touch, gentle but firm, snapping her out of her panicked stupor. Pulling her closer, Mon-El then moved to her side and wrapped an arm securely around her waist, leaning down to her ear. "Are you alright, Kara?” His voice was smooth and calming, and she settled into his side, her hand over his as she became relaxed again. He was about to guide her into the depths of glowing waves, but wouldn’t take another step until he knew she felt safe. 

They both looked out across the dark room, taking in the scene in front of them – darkness and colour, shadows and light. After a moment, Kara turned to Mon-El and nodded.

She melted into his touch, as he silently guided her forward into to the shallows, each step being one closer to the loud and colourful ocean.

 

*

 

"So, Rhea, how’s the project coming along?” Non finished his martini, leaning back into the white couch and lifting his arm for his wife to lean in and comfortably settle herself against his chest. Astra let herself smirk a little, feeling her husband's loving touch, and watching a tiny line appear on Rhea’s face. Everyone knew what happened between her and Lar. Michael technically wasn’t even her son. There was a small gap between the two Gands while they talked and enjoyed their drinks – whether intentional or not, the pair were not exactly… affectionate. 

“We have one of our final testings tomorrow, and should everything go to plan... well, we would be glad of your investment.” Rhea turned to her husband for a reaction, deciding now was a good a time as any to let him into the loop. 

“I'd like to see them in action, of course,” Non replied cooly. 

Astra just watched in fascination as Lar didn’t interrupt his wife, though he did appear slightly confused. Rhea hadn’t told him yet. Pfff. She was glad to have Non – there were no secrets between them. She looked up to gaze at his face while he continued to talk. 

“Yes, of course,” Rhea replied, “Well, we have spent quite some time working out all the kinks. We had a myriad of problems to start with, but we’ve finally gotten our subjects where we want them to be."

"Full control, huh?"

"Indeed. You will be well pleased, I assure you.” Rhea’s face was stern and all business, while Astra just felt a warm smile spreading over her face, cutting in to the conversation. 

"I look forward to it. We both are very interested to see the results."

 

* 

 

Kara’s drinks were finally working their way from her dulled thoughts down to her fingertips, the sweet bliss of alcohol relaxing her mind and body. The masked people no longer scared her, though she previously had a few moments of feeling like she was surrounded by villains. The chaos melted from unpleasant to wondrous, the heavy sounds and pulsing lights sending her into a state of hypnosis. 

She watched as Mon-El relaxed too, spinning her a few times and then pulling her close, avoiding the waves of vivid colours effortlessly. His face was veiled in shadow, but occasionally a faint glimmer of light would blaze across his features, just for a moment, and she was able to see he was content and calm. Each movement lulled Kara closer to infinity — she was both mesmerized and strangely numb. She felt free.

Mon-El tried to make sure no one collided into Kara, strategically placing his body between drunken limbs and careless movements. Her mask glowed, and she seemed to be enjoying the new setting, losing herself to the feel of music and drinks. He watched her attentively, making sure that she was comfortable, following the lines ablaze on her arm and the bright white of her dress when she moved between different people. 

_You know, that since the day, I met you_

_Yeah, you swept me off my feet_

_You know, that I don't need no money_

_When your love is beside me_

_Yeah, you opened up my heart_

_And then you threw away the key_

_Girl, now it's just you and me_

_And you don't care 'bout, where I've been_

 

_You know, I used to be in 1D (now I'm out, free) (free)_

_People want me for one thing (that's not me)_

_I'm not changing, the way that I (used to be)_

_I just wanna have fun (and get rowdy) (ooh)_

_One Coke and Bacardi (sippin' lightly)_

_When I walk inside the party (girls on me)_

_F1 type Ferrari (6 gear speed)_

_Girl, I love it when your body (grinds on me)_

_Ooh_

_You know, I love it, when the music's loud_

_But c'mon, strip that down for me, baby_

_Now there's a lot of people in the crowd_

_But only you can dance with me_

_So put your hands on my body_

_And swing that round for me, baby_ _…_

Kara twirled around next to him so that her back was pressed into his chest, before she swung her hips in a circle FAR too close to his own. She looked over her shoulder at him with a mischievous glitter in the blue of her eyes, trying not to smirk. He leaned down to whisper in her ear over the loud music, her shoulder coming in contact with his chest.

“Don’t do that.”

He heard a slight laugh before she did it again. “Why not?” (She did smirk that time.)

“You know why, Kara,” he breathed into her ear, letting his hands rest on her forearms.

She turned around and glared a little bit. “Prude.”

“I’m not a prude,” he spoke gently, calm and collected, before leaning back in so that she could hear him whispering to her once more. “If you do that, I might imagine taking you on top of the bar, and I don’t think anyone would be too happy about me swiping all of their drinks to the floor.”

Kara's eyes widened as she turned to face him. He never said anything suggestive to her. Not ever.

"Sorry, that was inappropriate."

"No no, it's fine. You're just defending your huge male ego." She knew he hated it when she called him a prude. "Just surprised is all…” He was a bit more free with the large consumption of drinks, it appeared. Though it didn’t bother her.

"Maybe you should spend less time winding me up..."

"Nah, I like to see you flustered." She wrapped her arms around his neck, calming her inner tiger a little bit for him. He couldn't handle it. That was fine.

"Having fun?"

"Yes. This is probably the best party I've ever been to."

"Me too." They danced a while longer under the black lights and Mon-El had a great time twirling Kara, who was more than willing to sway in front of him, though he now understood her version of dancing was far more sensual than he anticipated. Lucky for him, the alcohol flowing in his blood had taken the edge off. He was more than comfortable to free himself up a little bit and just enjoy their time together.

 

*

 

Rhea motioned to one of her men to come closer, and he leaned over the couch while she whispered something into his ear, before he disappeared and Rhea slipped her phone in her pocket. 

“Your daughter is not going to introduce herself to us tonight then, Lillian?” Non narrowed his eyes at the Luthor woman, who had remained surprisingly quiet during their talks about the Gands' latest project.

"She’s rather independent, my daughter. And doing extremely well for Luthor-Corp. I reward her by giving her a loose rein. She prefers it.” Lillian shrugged and they all heard Rhea scoff. 

“Something to say, Rhea?” Astra smiled. She loved seeing the tension between the two friends. She wondered how far she would have to push it for them to just snap and have a go at it. 

“Not at all. Lena is trustworthy and loyal. I choose to keep an eye on people, for both my safety and theirs. That’s just how I operate.”  _Unlike Lillian._  She had no idea that Rhea kept track of the young Luthor girl, and had just sent a group of her own men to go help Lena. She wasn’t even at the party – like she should have been. The reckless girl was probably about to get a bullet in her head for going off on her own. But she trusted her men would find her in time to bring her back safely. 

 

*

 

 _Is your head spinning?_  

_Is your heart racing?_

_Is there fire in your veins?_

_Are your bones burning?_

_Is your skin yearning?_

_Cause you're driving me insane_

 

_I kinda feel like I, feel like I saw the light_

_You got me way up, a thousand miles_

_Can we stay right here in this atmosphere_

_Like we're flying out in space?_

 

_Don't look down_

_Up this high, we'll never hit the ground_

_Don't look down_

_See that sky, we're gonna reach it now..._

 

The backroom became even more crowded as streams of people continued to escape the outside world. Kara kept bumping into people, getting slightly dizzy with the moving lights, but drew closer to Mon-El the deeper they ventured into the chaos.

After a time, they were surrounded by far too many people, barely able to move. The luminous ocean was beautiful, but slowly the glowing tide was becoming too much to fight against. 

"It's getting a little hard to breathe in here." Kara came up close, not only to avoid being hit by other moving arms but also so Mon-El could hear her. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she let him guide her away slightly from the dancers behind her that were getting a little bit too intense. 

"Shall we go have another drink?" Mon-El nodded over to the bar, also keen to stop getting elbowed in the back and stop accidentally standing on other people's toes. He had enjoyed their time in the depths, but he was worried the excessive turmoil would soon get to Kara. There was only so many people he could block at once, and the crowd just continued to grow, and the abundance of free alcohol was becoming more apparent as groups of dancers became sloppy and uncontrolled. Kara seemed to be considering his question, tightening her grip around his neck, so he gently brought her forward a little by sliding his arms around her waist, waiting for her answer. 

She nodded, looking around at the unrestrained hoard that just continued to grow. Turning her attention back to him, she had to speak a little more forceful than usual for him to hear her. "I'd like that.” She smiled, and Mon-El felt her lean closer so that she could continue to speak. “Just one thing first."

He watched as Kara bit her lip. "What?” He pulled back, looking at her. 

She leaned in again, and Mon-El thought she was going to say something, but instead, she wrapped her fingers into his shirt, pulling him down and taking his lips with her own. He wasn’t sure this was even real life. She was kissing him.  _Really_  kissing him. She tasted sweeter than he ever could have imagined, and asked for more by sliding her tongue gently across his lower lip. He let himself go, freeing himself for just one delicate moment, as he trailed his hand up from her back to grip her skull, tenderly guiding her.

His fingers tangled in her hair as she moved to slide her arms tighter around his neck. Their lips melded together even more deeply until neither one could breathe.

He was drowning.

But it was so worth it.

Kara pulled away, finally needing air. Searching his eyes, she didn't find regret or even surprise, just a deep, giddy gaze like he was under some weird spell. She bit her lip and tried not to grin too much. Linking her hand in Mon-El's, she nodded towards the bar, since she didn't really want to compete with the loud music. He understood and led the way, more able to get through the bustling crowd and cut out a path for them, while she hovered close behind. They were halfway across the floor when someone grabbed Kara's other arm from behind.

"Damnnnn, beautiful. Wanna come dance with me?"

She just shook her head and flashed the man a bright smile, continuing to walk after Mon-El who was facing forward, too busy to notice the other male. But he refused to let her go, tugging Kara in his direction, and she lost her grip on Mon-El.

"Come on, baby, just for a little bit of fun."

Mon-El turned when he felt Kara ripped from him, only to see someone else with his hands on her. His calm demeanor instantly flamed into rage. But it took only a second for Kara to decide between punching the arsehole in front of her in the face or kicking him in the groin. She opted for both, one after the other.

"When a girl says no, you better fucking believe she means it."

Mon-El watched the whole ordeal happen, until Kara was just standing up straight and looking down at the man on the floor. He joined her and slipped his arm around her waist, linking her securely to him. "That's my girl.” Mon-El grinned, and the both of them stared down at the idiot on the floor, casting a shadow on him. He was still gripping at his jeans when he became angered, about to get up and show Kara a piece of his mind, but Mon-El simply lifted his mask up to his forehead to show his face. It was dark in the black room, but a bright flash from the coloured beams was enough.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I didn't know she was with you. I'm–"

"–Don't apologize to me, you fuck wit. Apologize to the lady.” He nodded at Kara, stern and murderous until her offender relinquished.

"I'm... I'm sorry, miss." He stumbled, not willing to get up off the floor.

Kara just turned, wanting to continue with her night with Mon-El. She slipped her hand in his and strutted towards the bar, and he brought his masquerade back down to walk with her in peace.

They had a rest, sitting on barstools under the purple lights while Mon-El ordered them a few drinks. “Scotch. And a Stardust for the lady.” It took a while for them to both be served by the bartender, annoyingly so considering the bustling crowd. It was strange to not always have the full attention and perks that went with his status. Kara just let her feet rest on the bottom of her bar stool, enjoying a moment to sit down after being on her feet for a while. 

“Here, try this.” Mon-El reached over and grabbed a straw for Kara, popping it in her glass and sliding it to her when they were finally given their drinks.

“That's pretty.” She looked at the way the layers were separated in the cocktail, and then began to swirl her straw to watch the blue and purple colours meld together in twisting shapes. It was for drinking, not playing with, but Mon-El knew she would like getting to mix the colours together. Like her paints. He chucked back his scotch – a bit too fast – but the stress of knowing Kara was in Rhea’s HOUSE, his family home, was getting to him. Not that either of the women knew. Still, he kept looking over his shoulder expecting Rhea to just  _be there_ , even though he KNEW she would be in the upstairs lounge with the rest of the VIP guests. She didn’t like to mix with everybody, just liked to show off and keep everyone happy with a good turn out. Impressive, bolstering, and rich. That’s what she was going for.

Kara took a few sips of her drink and seemed to enjoy it, but luckily it didn’t have all that much alcohol in it. A little bit wouldn’t do her too much harm. They talked a while, though it was still loud, they could speak now that they were further away from the booming speakers.

“Gotta hand it to you, that was great. Maybe a bit of training wasn’t so much of a bad idea after all…” Mon-El smiled, impressed with how she’d handled herself.

“He was pathetic.”

“Well, it was certainly satisfying to see him doubled over in pain.” He raised his glass to her, thinking it worthy of a mini celebration.

“He had it coming.” Kara shrugged, and clinked her glass with him, a shy smile appearing.

“Cheers.”

 

*

 

Kara stood up off her stool and put her hands flat against his shirt. "I’m just gonna go... bathroom. Be back.” She pushed off Mon-El’s chest and slinked away through the crowd, making her way out back into the light. He would have accompanied her, but she was already gone and he couldn’t exactly shadow her every move. Not if she wanted a bit of independence. Kara would know he would be in the same place she left him, so Mon-El continued his drink while scanning the crowd for Lena. Not that he would ever find her unless she wanted to be found. But surely she would be here? 

The bathrooms were relatively easy to find. There were people coming in and out of two doors, not to mention the random guards stationed outside. Security on bathrooms? That was a little excessive. Perhaps it was to keep the more… unsavoury guests from wrecking shit or smoking indoors... or perhaps to stop couples sneaking in together for a quick fuck instead of getting themselves a hotel. Pfff... This pristine palace was well protected, it seemed. Kara walked up to the bathrooms and saw one of the security guys stop another woman at the entrance. What the heck? This place was strange. 

" _Leave your bag outside, please. We are more than happy to hold it while you use the bathroom.”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“No bags.”_

_“I was going to touch up my makeup.”_

_“Then get it out, and show us what you’re taking with you.”_

_“You’re fucking kidding me.”_

_“This isn’t Daxam… this is the grand estate of Lar an…”_

Kara let the door shut as she entered and sighed, not at all surprised that the room was huge and polished to perfection just like everywhere else. She was, however, surprised to see herself in the mirror that covered the entire far wall, a stranger in a lilac dress and white mask. The door behind her opened and the other woman shoved passed her, muttering something under her breath and snapping Kara away from her moment of distraction. It was nice and quiet, but cold and sterile. She spent as little time as possible in the strange place, avoiding other people as she went to use the bathroom and quickly fix her hair before she left.

After Kara exited the bathroom, she was on her way back to the clubbing room when she saw a lovely space outside, the doors wide open to lead into a courtyard area. It was mostly dark, save for a few strings of delicate lights placed around, and a large heater burning with a few people gathered around it, enjoying the space. To be honest, she could use some fresh air – it was crowded and loud inside, and escaping for a little while would be nice. Not for too long, just for a bit.

When she stepped outside, Kara noticed a small group of men, who were all enjoying a few cigarettes. She walked up to the one with a packet in hand, about to chuck it back in his pocket and motioned to it slightly. “Do you mind?”

“Go right ahead. It would be a crime to deny a beautiful woman a cigarette.” He opened the packet for her to take one out and then flicked his lighter on, holding it up for her. She leaned in towards him while he held the flame. Kara sighed, relishing in the familiar taste as she inhaled.

“Thanks.” She breathed out, closing her eyes. It was amazing.

“That good, huh?”

“Are these Aquila Reds?”

“Indeed they are. What else?”

“Rao, this is good.”

He just chuckled in response.

Kara turned to the other men and nodded politely, before moving out onto the terrace. There were dainty white lights leading in a path down the steps further into the courtyard and around some of the garden area, and a couple sitting down making out in the low light on the far side of the open space. There was another couple starting to lean on a pillar, also extremely close, the male whispering something to his date up against her ear. Kara simply averted her eyes and walked over a few steps to sit down by herself, a few meters away from the group of men that were talking and joking with their beers and smokes. She was close enough to the heater to feel its warmth, but just far enough away from the men to have a bit of alone time. She continued to enjoy herself, admiring the creeping vines that twisted around another one of the pillars and enjoying her treat.

“...fuck. Anyone got a bottle opener? The waiter could have at least taken the top off for me.”

Kara watched as one of the others tried to take it off with the lip of his own bottle of beer, failing pathetically. Really? Then again, rich men were a tad spoiled. Couldn't even open a fucking beer.

“Give it here,” Kara spoke up before they all turned to her. “Or not, up to you.” She just made another exhale. After a moment deliberation, one of the men wandered over and passed the bottles to Kara. She took them gently before she set the open one down on the seat next to her, holding the unopened bottle in hand. “Hey uhh, can I borrow your lighter again for a sec?” She stretched her hand out for it, looking up at the one who had previously given her a smoke. All of the guys seemed a bit puzzled, but he too wandered over and passed Kara the light while she held her cigarette between her lips. In one quick motion, she turned the metal lighter upside down and flicked it up against the beer bottle, cleanly taking the top off before holding both items out to their respective owners.

“Damn. Where’d you learn to do that?”

“I’d rather not say…”

Her answer earned a few raised brows, but no more comments on the matter.

“So what’s a pretty thing like you doing out here all by yourself, anyway?”

“Just getting some air. It’s a little crowded.”

“Where’s your date?

"Just waiting up for me.” Kara took another puff, leaning back into her seat as she relaxed.

“Well, if you get bored of him, you can always come home with me. Just saying."

"I don’t think Michael would like that…” She dropped his name in there, thinking by everyone else's reactions, it would probably get this guy to lay off a bit.

One of the others cut in, hearing the name. Kara had only just noticed his tie was a stunning red colour. "Wait... Michael as in Michael Gand? Your date is Michael Gand?”

“That’s him.”

All of the men looked at her, apparently taking a second to process something as simple as a name.

"My apologies, miss. Let me get you a drink. Excuse that arsehole.” The one in a red tie nodded to the male that had previously made her an ‘offer,’ and then moved to chase down a waitress that was passing by just inside the door. He came back and handed her another glass of champagne – as if being Mike’s date had earned her extra points with them.

“Thanks.” Kara was really starting to relax and enjoy herself. There was something about it. Something familiar and soothing.

“So, how come you are out here, instead of in there... with your date? Doesn’t he like to flaunt you and show you off at all times? Keep you on the end of his arm?”

“I don’t _belong_ to him. I do what a want.” She spoke nonchalantly, downing more of her alcohol.

“Fierce. I like it.”

“Yeah, that will be why Mike likes her as well. Lay off mate, or you’ll lose your appendage.”

“True. Better watch that one. Where’s the good shit at, anyway? I think it’s time, don’t you?”

“Yeah, man, keen.” The men just started talking amongst themselves, gathering around the outdoor table where a few others were sitting, before it became apparent that they were all about to share some recreational drugs.

Kara got up and wandered over to the table, curious. “What’s on the agenda tonight?” she asked one of them, moving to the table to sit in his lap. He had called her beautiful and gotten her a drink. Why not stay a while longer? He seemed surprised when she simply sat down, so she turned slightly to look at him. “Sorry, are you uncomfortable?”

“No no, you’re light as a feather. I don’t mind…” He wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her, and they both watched the bulky guy take out a bag with some white powder in it. She was feeling a little dizzy, but the arm around her middle kept her secure as she settled in to watch the others with interest.

“Only top quality, of course. Why just move the merchandise when you can enjoy some of it, too?”

The man she was sitting with moved some of Kara's hair back, offering her to get in on the score. "Want a line, beautiful?"

“Sure. Just... let me finish this first.” She held her fingers up to him before taking another long draw, enjoying her cigarette. It had been a while since she had had some decent drugs, to be honest... one of the perks of being surrounded by rich men – free coke. But they had all night, and it was relaxing finally getting back to her comfortable place, alcohol weaving its bliss through her veins, cigarette in hand. She finally felt at home, relieved to be in the kind of space she was accustomed to.

“Of course. You enjoy that, and then join us when you’re ready.”

“Thanks,” she leaned back into him a little bit, super comfortable. His chest was warm and radiating into the back of her dress, and it was just so familiar and nice. He merely continued talking with a few of the other guys, occasionally taking a sip of his beer.

“What’s your name, by the way, love?”

“Kara.” She took another sip of her drink. Fuck. She wasn’t supposed to share her…

“That’s a pretty name. One of my old colleagues used to have a girl called Kara. She was a timid little thing though. Nothing like you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. He’s dead tho. No one’s really sure what happened to him.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry... that you… lost your friend.”

“Don’t worry about it. He was no friend of mine. Good riddance."

 

*

 

Fucking hell, where was Kara? He knew women took ages in the bathroom, but this was next level. He should have gone with her. Maybe she bumped into Rhea and he was royally fucked.

“Bro, looks like your date ditched you.” The guy behind the counter slid him over another scotch as a gesture of pity. Wow, okay, so he wasn’t being impatient – even the guy behind the bar noticed Kara hadn’t come back yet. He had been worried that if he got up too soon, she would return to find him gone. But now, it looked more like she just wasn’t coming back.

“Let her know if she comes back here that I didn’t leave her, alright? If I miss her on my way to find her.”

“Sure thing.”

Mon-El shoved through the crowd and back out into the light, heading for the bathrooms, he grabbed a woman lightly by the arm that was just leaving. “Hey, sorry. Have you seen a blonde woman in a purple dress?”

“Purple? I haven’t seen anyone wearing purple all night…”

It was true. Most opted for black or red, the occasional silver or navy. But lilac wasn’t exactly a formal event colour when you were at the Gands' place. “You’re sure?”

“Babe, I wouldn’t worry too much. She’s probably just having a nice dance with someone else.” She smirked at him, and he growled in response. He was used to people knowing exactly who he was at all times, and he was beginning to realize now how much easier his life was when he didn’t have a mask on. Michael Gand was a spoiled brat – everything handed to him on a silver platter. “Good luck!” The woman gave him a sarcastic little face and then sauntered off, leaving Mon-El at a loss as to where the heck Kara was.

_Great._

 

* 

 

“Mace. First line’s for you. Since you won cards, guess you’re up.”

Mace, she knew Mace. He was one of Vik’s buddies. Of course he won – he was amazing at cards. Didn’t matter what the game was, chances are he would win it. If she was allowed to put her money on anyone, it would probably be him, though Kara kept her silent observations to herself. She took another puff just as Mace put his beer down and politely acknowledged her. “Sorry sweetheart, just gotta scoot past.” He moved around the table in front of her and patted her knee when he managed to slip through the gap. “Cheers, love.”

He leaned down to snort the line, standing upright again before throwing his head back to get the drugs in his system, blinking a few times with the hit. “Good shit.”

She watched as a few of the other boys did lines, and took another sip of her drink, one of the men politely bringing her a refill. “Promise it’s not spiked. Michael would shoot me in the head if it was.”

She just smiled and thanked him, continuing to drink it. It was nice and sweet with a hint of cherry. He picked well.

 

*

 

"Eve, EVE.” Mon-El didn’t even care that he had interrupted what looked like a private moment with Will, making gross heart eyes or some bullshit. Who even did that? Ugh.

“Mike, you have the worst timing. Seriously? What do you want?” She swung around and put her hand on her hips, looking like she was about to rip his head off.

“I’m uhh, sorry to interrupt. I can’t find Ka-Kira”

“I’m not your assistant tonight, Michael. We are at a party, not work. Was putting all of this on for you not enough?”

Winn spoke up, though he clearly didn’t feel comfortable addressing Mon-El. “I’m pretty sure I saw her.. uh… outside with the boys. Looked like she was making friends so… uh… yeah.”

“Shit.” Mon-El took off without so much as a thank you.

“You’re welcome?” Winn clamped his jaw down. What did a guy have to do around here to get a little respect?

“Don’t worry about him. He can be a little... intense.” Eve turned her attention back to Winn. “How about we go find somewhere we won’t be interrupted, hmm? First Jimmy, then Mike? Sheesh. You’d think with these freaking masks we would actually have some quality time together."

"It’s fine, James didn’t know it was you.” Winn acknowledged that he was pretty recognizable to his friend, since they did work together and spotting a lanky male with a specific kind of walk was easy for him.

“...And Mike didn’t know it was you. So. I think we're good.” Eve took his hand and dragged him off to a secluded hallway, away from prying eyes and interruptions.

 

*

 

Mace turned to Kara, looking like he was glowing. His smile was strange and bright, and it was kind of ridiculous. Then again, what did she know? Her head was spinning and she was feeling a little woozy. She found out she was sitting with (well… on…) a nice guy named Andrew. He made sure she didn’t fall or slip off his lap when she got too dizzy from all the booze.

“Hey, Andi?”

“Yes, Kara?”

“How do you know Mace and these guys?”

He chuckled. "We work together, love. Isn’t it obvious?"

“Hmmm. Yeah, I guess. You just seem nice. So does Mace.”

“Want to know a secret?”

“What?”

“None of these guys are ‘nice'. I’m pretty sure they are just high as fuck, and batshit scared of Michael.”

“Why is everyone so scared of him…?” She wondered aloud, but was interrupted when one of the guys offered her up a line.

“You’re up, Darlin'.”

“Oh! Just gimme one sec. She chucked back the rest of her drink earning a holler and a few whoops from the boys for kicking it back so fast. Damn, they really _were_ high. But, did she have to get up? She didn’t really want to. Andi made for a very comfortable seat. Like her own personal heater... but nicer. His touch was nice. Did he smell like candy floss? No, maybe that was the… the… what are they called again? COCKTAILS. Weird name. What did a cock and a tail have to do with anything? Ugh. Gross. She was never drinking a cocktail ever again.

“You alright, love?” Andi saw she was getting distracted. She turned to him while he tucked her messy curls out of her face.

“Yeah, fine. Just a little woozy.” She grinned. This was fun.

“WHAT THE FUCK ANDREW?!!” Mon-El finally found Kara, and most of the men backed up, save for Mace – who just grinned all giddy and waved a hello – and Andi who just wrapped his arm a little tighter around Kara’s middle. Perhaps it was out of fear. Or perhaps he was a little driven by the fact that Michael Gand’s date was very willingly spending her time in his lap.

He just nodded a greeting. “Michael. Everything alright?”

“I will rip your fucking throat out!”

“Oh, calm the FUCK down!” Kara just snarled back at him. What the HELL. Her head was spinning enough as it was. “Sorry, Andi.” She got up off his lap to stand and nearly fell over, steadying herself on the table.

“What are you doing?” Mon-El was bewildered by his date leaving him, just to wander off and sit with the most dangerous men at the party and their class-A drugs. Mace spoke up before Kara could answer.

“Your girl here was just enjoying a few drinks with us. Don’t worry, we took good care of her.”

“I BET YOU DID!” Mon-El brought his shoulders higher and rolled up his sleeves, not sure who to punch first.

“Rao, Michael, I’m allowed to do what I want now, remember? Are you gonna join us for a hit or are you just gonna keep shouting?” She was slurring her word, but moved towards the cocaine on the table, grasping around for a straw and about to lean down for it.

“Woah woah woah, that is _so_ not happening.” Mon-El grabbed Kara by the arm and took her away from her place at the table.

“Trouble in paradise…” One of the other men muttered under his breath.

“Shut it you egg, before you get us all shot.”

Andrew crossed his arms. “I swear we meant no offense. She seemed to be having a great time, and a willing participant.” He was being way too bold, but as one of the leaders of Rhea’s A team, he probably felt more comfortable than the rest.

“I’ll deal with you lot later.” Mon-El gritted his teeth before wrapping an arm around Kara, needing to support her weight to take her back inside. They started crossing the floor, and luckily for him, the front door wasn’t actually too far away. He needed to get her out before she created a scene.

“I was having fun!” She protested.

“Those men are dangerous, Kara!”

“So what?” She didn’t care. “Besides, I know some of them.”

“Like who?”

“Mace. He’s nice. One of the others called me beautiful…” She giggled a little bit, clearly intoxicated. "Andi! His name was Andi!"

“How much have you had to drink, Kara?”

“Mmm.. dunno.” She continued her giddy smile while she raised her shoulders in a shrug. “What’s a gold digger?”

“They could have hurt you!” He ignored her question, preferring to deal with the matter at hand.

"They wouldn’t hurt me,” she whined.

“They would.”

“They know I’m your date. Apparently, no one touches Michael Gand’s dates unless they want to lose their–”

“Well, that doesn’t mean you should be hanging around with them.” Mon-El pressed his lips in a tight line, trying to hold it together.

“Hmmph. You didn’t let me say cock. I wasn’t finished with my sentence.”

“Kara!”

“It’s just a worrrdd, Mon-El. COCK. See?” She stuck her chin out, all rebellious and pleased with herself.

“Mike. I’m Mike, here. Don’t call me… the other name.”

“MIKE. Mike mike riding a BIKE.”

“Grife! You’ve had far too much alcohol."

“You don’t really know how to party, do you…” She grinned – like she knew a dirty little secret.

“I can have a fucking good time and not lose my head to a dangerous high, dabbling in the merchandise.”

“You’re no fun. I like you better when you’re not worrying about every tiny, dumb thing.”

“The only thing I’m worried about is not tiny nor dumb. She’s intelligent and brave and beautiful and she’s drunk off her face.”

“Are you talking about me?”

“No. I’m talking about some other girl I brought to the party…” Sarcasm was dripping off his tongue and he was being an arse. But he was strangely terrified. It was easier to just be angry with her.

“You don’t have to be so mean!”

“Sorry. You’re just driving me a little crazy. I’ll take you home.”

“But I want to dance some more!“

“You can barely stand up, Kara. You’d hardly be able to dance if you tried. I’d rather get you home before you are sitting on the floor refusing to move."

She was suddenly worried, fear washing over her senses when she realized Mon-El was leading her out to the car. “Did I ruin your night? Please tell me I didn’t ruin your night? Oh gods, please I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…"

“Woah, no no, it’s alright. I just think… maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” His anger immediately evaporated when Kara became fearful, her distress making her nails dig into him.

“–Please don’t hurt me. I’m sorry. Please! I didn’t mean to ruin your night. Please don't hurt me!!”

He stopped leading her to the door, turning to face her and reassure her. “Hey hey… you’re alright. I’m not going to hurt you, and you didn’t ruin my night. I had a great time with you. Up until you wandered off. You scared me is all. And now you’re really REALLY drunk and I think it’s best if I take you home. Alright?” Fuck he needed to calm her down. Seeing her so terrified made his heart ache. “Kara, I'm not going to hurt you. You know that, right?"

Kara bit her lip and nodded, letting him lead her the rest of the way to the front door and out down the front steps.

"Your date a bit of a lightweight, is she? Leaving so soon?"

Mon-El ripped his mask off, getting seriously sick of this shit. "Shut the fuck up, and bring me my car. NOW." He watched the valet scoot off without another word and turned his attention back to Kara. “You alright?"

"Mon?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't feel so good."

"Please for the love of Rao, don't tell me you are going to throw up on my seats..." He chuckled at his own joke. "I mean. Sorry, you'll feel better with some water and a nice sleep."

 

*

 

Thankfully, for once in his life, his Mustang survived the ride home. The next difficult bit was removing Kara from the car. 

“No.” She crossed her arms and held onto her seatbelt while Mon-El thought about just chucking her over his shoulder and carrying her. 

“Seriously? Are you always this stubborn and annoying while drunk?”

“You could have just left me to enjoy myself.” She grumbled at him, and then moved to take her shoes off.

“Here, I can take those…” He held his hand out for them, surprised when she obliged. “Want to get up now? Or are you going to sit in this car all night? I’m not going to drag you. But when you are ready, you can let me know.” Mon-El walked over to unlock the front door of the house and chuck Kara’s shoes inside, burning some time while his drunken date made up her mind. He wandered back slowly watching her get more tired, and then was finally able to help her up and lead her to the house. 

Her head was spinning, and the lights were too bright. 

She was being guided through the front door and he was so close, his arm around her as he led them in and shut the door behind them. "When are we going to have sex, Mon-El?”

“We are not doing that.”

“But I have to! I’m not allowed to end the night of a party till AFTER we’ve had sex.”

He sighed, swallowing his need to bark at her. “Well, you are allowed tonight."

“But it’s not right!”

“I’m sorry to break your routine or pattern or whatever the hell you are used to. But I’m NOT your master, and you are madly intoxicated.”

“But…”

“NO, Kara. I’m not him.”

“You don’t think I’m beautiful.”

“Don’t you dare try and bait me. I never said that. You are the most gorgeous woman on the entire planet, and you must know by now that I think that, so don’t even try.”

“I hate you.”

“Yeah, you’ve said that before. I’m getting used to hearing it. And you can continue to go on hating me tomorrow. When you’ve had some sleep.”

“I don’t want to sleep.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” She yawned.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why not.”

"Because you are yawning. Take off your dress."

"So we ARE having sex…"

"NO. Dammit, Kara! FINE. Sleep in your expensive fucking dress. I’ve had enough of this."

"But it will get wrinkled," she pouted.

"Yes. Which is why I suggested… very politely and non-sexually... that you take it off. So that you can put on some sleepwear."

"Oh. Right. Jammies."

"Yes. Those."

“Okay." She shrugged and started taking off her dress, and then her bra. Fuck. He turned around until he heard that she was (hopefully) clothed again. "You can turn around now."

"I’m not sure I even trust you right now. Are you decent?"

"Yup."

"I swear to Rao, if you’re not…"

“I AM! Just. Tuck me in already!”

Oh. She was telling the truth. Okay. He guided her gently to her bed as she muttered unintelligible things, but she was clearly ready to fall asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. 

“NO. Stupid. Cold. No.”

“What is it?” Mon-El sighed.

“I don’t want to sleep here!”

“Why not?”

“It’s empty. It’s cold.” She muttered. 

“It will warm up when you’ve gotten in it.”

“It won’t. I need Vik. I need him to hold me.”

“Ohhhkay. Let’s not get into that, because I’d really like to not feel the need to punch walls tonight.” Mon-El clenched his jaw and was considering never letting Kara have another drink again in her life. Not that he could make that decision. It wasn’t his to make.

“Stay and snuggle with me?” Kara climbed into bed, her silly mumbles barely audible.

“Not tonight, sweetheart.”

“But…”

“Kara, I know this is hard for you. That things are different now. And I know this probably won’t make any sense… but I can’t stay with you – not tonight. I’ll go get you some water.”

To his surprise, she didn’t protest, just sat expectantly, waiting for him to fetch her something to drink. When he returned, she was lying down, fast asleep. The night of exertion having taken its toll on her. Well, that was quick. 

He moved quietly to leave the water by her bedside, running his hand through his hair before he turned to leave. He flicked the light off, before very quietly saying goodnight, so he wouldn’t wake her. (Not that she would wake, she was drunk sleeping. That kind of slumber would last till morning, he’d bet.) 

“Goodnight, Kara.” He let out a defeated sigh as he eased her door shut, leaning his head on the solid surface. His body felt like lead, and all Mon-El wanted was to sleep forever. Okay. So that was probably the worst idea he had ever had. 

He just leaned on her door with his eyes shut, letting the pain in his chest grow. 

_What am I to do with you._

 

**


	50. Killer and Frost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for being away and all that and how unco and shitty this chapter is. but yeah.
> 
> _

"Enniee, Meenie, Minee, Mo... which one of you, is not from House Snow?" 

“You’re cute.” Lena spat at what she could see, a pair of fine leather boots in her vision as her head was forced towards the ground. 

“Lena...  _Luthor_. What brings you to my grand estate? Momma bear won’t be happy.” The blonde waggled her finger, a cruel smile dancing across her dark lips while she made a few annoying tisk noises.

Lena probably should have brought some back up. But she was itching to find out where the hell all her men where disappearing to – and it wasn't like she had any to spare right now. Plus, even if she did, everyone would be at the Gand’s stupid party. 

She struggled against one of the three brutes surrounding her, slightly surprised they hadn’t tasered her for her reluctance to be apprehended. She continued to try rip herself free when a set of fangs got too close to her face and she became still. Frosty had a fucking wolf dog, the little shit! The flimsy security stationed around the StarLabs grounds were a piece of cake to avoid, but that fucking _thing_ kept barking at her until her position was compromised. StarLabs didn’t even have decent security – they were a fucking medical research and inventions facility, not some criminal elite. 

She pulled her face in away from the snarling beast with a bitter taste in her mouth. “Is this how you treat your guests?” Lena grumbled. This was just fucking embarrassing! 

“Meesha! Come.” The large white shepherd paced up a few concrete stairs to halt at Caitlin’s feet – gracefully sitting and getting a few strokes from its master. “ _Guests_  do not snoop around. You’re not welcome here.” The blonde crossed her arms, staring down at Lena. "You might have actually made it to whatever it was you were looking for. But, alas, caught by my dog. That’s a little embarrassing, don’t you think?” Caitlin’s smirk grew wider, giving her a wink. 

“No one told me about the fucking mutt.” Lena hissed when she felt her arm being twisted back a little further.

“Hmmmm. Well.” Caitlin shrugged. Looking rather smug. “Since you are here, might as well talk business. What exactly were you looking for, hmmm?”

“You know me... just here for a bit of danger."

"Yes I'm sure your mother is very proud of your thrill-seeking ways. Now… do tell. What brings you to our lovely facility?"

"Just taking a look around. For science.” 

“Plenty of that here. Get to the point, Lena. What are the Luthors after? And chop chop, I’ve got better things to do than interrogate the likes of you on my Saturday night.”

Lena just clamped her jaw down, refusing to say anything. What was she suppose to do… tell Snow that she was checking for signs of stray Luthor-Corp employees? They had to be going fucking somewhere. Ugh. People were leaving the Luthors to take on other endeavours. Where they were going, Lena wasn’t sure. But... really there was only one other place of interest, other than leaving Salvgar all together to ditch the game. And that was on the outskirts of the southern peninsula. StarLabs, owned by the one and only Caitlin Snow. 

Snow was… sort of a genius. Admittedly. StarLabs' technological advancements in bio-engineering and genetics were thrilling. But they weren’t technically criminals. Not like the Gands, who were quite literally, making money from hits, theft, and drug runs. StarLabs was an organization much like Luthor-Corp, fully legal developments. (Well, if it wasn’t for the fact that most of the tech the Luthors developed were purchased by criminals, pushing most of their relationships and connections into that world.)

Building advanced weapons and tracking software, security take down systems... Advanced hacking. Quicker ways to get in and out of buildings unnoticed. Lena herself had recently developed some rather brilliant small-range EMPs. But Luthor-Corp was quite easily able to avoid legal issues. How their technologies were implemented was not up to them. Perhaps her employees were simply looking to take their intellectual prowess somewhere else. StarLabs certainly fitted the bill. Pushing the boundaries of medical and genetic research wasn’t a crime, required a stellar IQ, and no doubt would be exciting for some of her more research savvy employees. A little quieter perhaps, less guns and weaponry. She could see the appeal. Still, it’s not like an unannounced switch to StarLabs would end well. 

It made no sense for Luthor-Corp’s employees to jump ship, other than the fact that their talents would suit the brilliant inventions facility. StarLabs had created nanotechnology that could repair damaged tissue cells – literally able to bring someone back from the brink of death. Sure, there was impressive shit here… but why not resign? Make a request? 

Really, she didn’t understand why Snow had rejected the idea of teaming up. Luthor-Corp preferred to concentrate on tech and weaponry, while StarLabs seemed to be looking towards more bio-mechanical shit and bio-chemistry. It would have been a hell of a party if they had gotten together. But Frosty was a cold-hearted little bitch and apparently preferred the loner life. 

Anyone under Snow’s ‘care’ seemed incredibly loyal - even more so than those in league with the Gands. StarLabs were quiet and kept to themselves, and were not particularly a threat. They were researchers. Scientists. Intelligence and innovation were more important than money or power — obviously, since a lab of such impressive size and experimentation was a total drain on money. With such funding going into their research, it wasn’t like Snow had the ability to buy out Luthor-Corp or the cash to put a bounty on Rhea’s head. 

But. 

Where in the HELL were the employees of Luthor-Corp disappearing to? Plus, the brawn of Luthor-Corp were disappearing too, not just the brains. Numbers were dropping like flies and there wasn’t really a pattern. Honestly, she was stumped. They might as well have been transporter beamed up into a spaceship by aliens for all she knew.

It was concerning, because the declining numbers meant weak spots. Vulnerabilities. And if anyone was taking trade secrets with them, or knowledge of the inner workings of their business... Well, it couldn’t mean anything good. There were still SOME criminal activities going on at Luthor-Corp, on the hush, of course. That’s just what happened when you worked with Rhea. 

Lena’s thoughts were interrupted by a large sigh, pulling her from her racing thoughts. “Tick tock, Luthor Queen, what did you think you were going to steal from StarLabs today, hmmm? I’d be happy to, you know, negotiate a fair price, if only you little shits would show some respect."

“I’m not here to steal anything.”

“Oh, bullshit. That’s all you’ve ever done is lie and cheat and steal. There’s a reason I will never work with the Luthors. Or the Gands, for that matter.”

“Ahhh. So you do know your neighbours...”

“You’re not the only one with an IQ above 140…”

“Still, I wasn’t aware you paid attention.” 

“You can try distract me all you like, but if you think you are leaving my property without giving up whatever information is underneath that stubborn shell of yours, you are sorely mistaken. Lillian doesn’t scare me. We’ve been untouched here for quite some time now, so I can only assume you don’t have the power you claim. Are you going to tell us all why you are here?” Caitlin crossed her arms, losing patience. It was late, and she had test results to scour over and a glass of wine waiting for her inside. 

“No. I am not. Now you’d better let me go before this escalates, Snow."

“You have great tech, shit loads of money, and a gun. But none of those are in your possession right now and my security detail would be more than happy to stick you with one of those nice new tasers the’ve got. Remind me again why you are in any position to strut around my estate?” 

Frosty was getting snappy. “Temper, temper.” Lena taunted.

Frost rolled her eyes, looking over at her head of security. "Take her to the underground, will you? Don’t bother bringing her back until you know what she was here for... and how much exactly she knows about our… facility.” Lena should have been at the fucking party of the year, not snooping about. “How about checking in on the lab for me, too, hmm?”

“As you wish, Snow.” They nodded, but were promptly interrupted by Lena who suddenly needed to change tact. What the fuck was happening?

“Not even going to negotiate a deal of some kind? Come on, Frosty, surely you do know how to do business...”

“A little late for that, darling. You think the mighty Luthors are untouchable and fantastic, prancing around making deals with the devil while taking whatever you please from others. Your luck will run out."

“You’re making a mistake, Snow.”

“Oh, and why’s that?”

“If anything happens to me, no one will find your body and you know it.” Lena growled, utterly perplexed that she was being detained. 

“Ah… yes. You think you are the only one that can align themselves with a high-class criminal. But it just so happens, I have mine on speed dial.” Frost smiled and pulled her phone out, raising it to her ear to make a quick call. “Hi babe. You’ll never believe who’s in my custody. ...Mmhmm. Lena Luthor, the one and only.”

"Who are you talking to?”

Caitlin continued to ignore Lena while she talked on the phone. “I know, I know, but you told me if she was ever… you know… unprotected.. I should call you? It seems she’s alone. And now unarmed. A rarity, but the stupid bitch was foolish enough not to bring anyone with her. ...Yes here! That’s what I mean. She’s literally at my feet. Perfect time for you to catch up and have a little chat, don’t you think?”

“ _Snow._ Tell me who it is.” Lena’s heart began to pick up pace, not something she was used to feeling. Was she in over her head? Shit. 

The blonde just moved further away, talking quietly before ending her short conversation. “…alright babe, I’ll see you soon. Yes, love you, too. Bye.”

“Who was that?”

“Someone who would very much like to see you.”

“Oh?” Lena tried to remain calm and slightly sarcastic, not willing to give herself away. “Go on. I know you’re dying to tell me…"

“You remember Zolomon, don’t you?”

Lena’s eyes widened. “Oh, fuck. Please tell me you are not in league with him.”

“He’s my fiancé, actually.” Frost just shrugged and picked imaginary dirt out from under her fingernails.

“He’s unstable, Caitlin, listen to me...”

She suddenly snarled at Lena. “You betrayed him. You STOLE his research! Don’t you dare try to turn this around on him!”

“He worked for Luthor-Corp! When you get fired, your work belongs to the company! It’s in the fucking contract!”

“He was a genius and you know it. You threw him out and took his developments for yourself!”

“He was a threat, not only to me but my other employees. And for someone who works with the Gands, that’s saying something. For the love of Rao, Caitlin, don’t let him get his hooks in you.”

“You Luthors are all liars and traitors. Don’t think you can weasel your way into my head. You’re disgusting.” Frost flicked her hand once at her men. “Get her out of my sight.” She merely dismissed everyone, and Lena felt the taser still at her back. The only reason she hadn’t broken free was because of those STUPID tasers. The fucking things hurt like hell and she wasn’t doing that shit again. 

_Great._

 

*

 

The three women leaned over the railing and surveyed the floors below, allowing the men to talk. Astra nudged Rhea. “Didn’t even bring his girlfriend up to introduce her to us. That’s a shame.”

Lillian scoffed. “Michael doesn’t usually keep his girls around longer than one night. If he brought every girl up to meet us, you would probably wish he didn’t…” She laughed and took a sip of her wine, looking to Rhea for a reaction, but her friend just remained silent. 

Astra just shrugged “Oh, well. He did seem rather taken with Kira earlier.”

“So that’s her name.” Rhea spoke slowly, finally interested. “Do you know her?” She continued to look around the floors below for her son in the crowd, unable to spot him and the blonde in question. 

“Nope. I’ve never met a Kira.”

“Don’t worry Rhea, I’m sure your son will find a nice girl and settle down eventually.”

Rhea's face was unreadble. Serious. “Mmmmm. Well, he took this particular one to Star City with him last week. When he was working a job.”

“Oh?” Both women turned to Rhea, who was holding her face in a tight line.

“Yes. She’s… living with him. It seems."

“Oh please. Staying over a few nights a week is not living with someone. Even Lena stays over at Michael’s.”

Astra just about snorted into her drink. “Wait, wait. Hold on. Your daughter. Your son.” 

“No! Gods, Astra they aren’t fucking. They grew up together. She treats that boy like her little brother.” Lillian corrected the smirking brunette.

“Got it. So he’s fucking the blonde, Lena stays over for snacks and God of War.”

“Look at you, finally catching up to the rest of us.” Lillian leaned over more to see Rhea better, who was keeping rather quiet. “Even if he took her to Star City, it would just be to impress her. Bets on how long this one sticks around? I’m thinking she’s a goner by the time the weekend is out.”

Astra’s eyes widened. She had to suppress a laugh, as to not offend anyone. “I think you’d better go easy on that wine, Lillian. You’re getting ruthless.” 

Rhea sighed. “I think this one is different.”

“You don’t seem very happy about that.”

“Happy about what? The fact that my son hasn’t mentioned this girl once, nor introduced me. But he is flying with her half way across the continent and letting her live with him.”

“Maybe he’s just not ready to commit. The whole meet-the-parents thing. Perhaps they just have an arrangement. I highly doubt she is _actually_ living with him.”

“Perhaps.” Rhea gritted her teeth. “No matter. I’m sure, like you said, she won’t be around much longer."

 

*

 

Hunter walked through the door to see his fiancée at her desk, a glass of Merlot next to a stack of papers. "Hi, darling.” 

She looked up and didn't exactly looked pleased, but that was fair – it’s not like they’d had any trouble from anyone in the last few months. No one paid much attention to StarLabs, which Cait seemed to like... She wanted it to stay that way. 

“Babe, Hi. Sorry, I know you were probably–"

“–You're stressed.” He noted. She was rambling and wasn’t smiling like she usually did when she greeted him. Her hair was a messy. Eyes a little glazed. It wasn’t right for her to take on so much. Typical Snow-ism though. She was a workaholic.

“Oh you know, just juggling a lab, a wedding, and a Luthor, no biggie…” She rolled her eyes, before realizing her snark was directed at the one person she actually adored. “Sorry, you’re right. Stressed is probably an understatement right now.”

He wandered over and leaned down across the desk, placing a light kiss to Caitlin’s lips. “Let me deal with the Luthor. And if you’d like, we can just elope. I know you’re not particularly a fan of your mother…”

“Ugh, she would honestly kill me if she found out I was married and she wasn’t invited to the wedding. As much as our relationship is strained, I’d rather not toss myself off a bridge.”

Zolomon chuckled. “You worry too much.”

Caitlin just took a swig from her wineglass, annoyed that it made her thoughts fuzzy. But without it, she would be shaking and unable to concentrate on anything other than the endless spinning in her brain. How was she to win? She needed the alcohol to slow everything down. And yet it also made her a bit jaded. “You don’t seem to worry enough. I don’t know how you do it.” 

“Well, I’m the smartest person in the room at all times, except for right now, of course. So there’s not much for me to worry about..”

“Ugh. I don’t think intelligence means that shit can’t go wrong.”

“Look, I know you don’t like the idea of it… but… maybe you should just try the serum. You’ll be moving at such speed that problems will solve themselves... before you even have the time to realize you’ve found the answer.” He watched as Caitlin pushed aside her work to get up, finally fed up with the endless tasks. 

“You know I don’t want to be enhanced. It’s cheating.” 

“You’re calling me a cheater?” He raised his brow.

“Of course.” Caitlin grinned, drawing close so that she could lace her fingers through his. “Which means…” she brought his hand up to kiss it once lightly. “That I’m…” She placed another on his cheek. “ _Smarter than you._ ” She winked, before wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning in for a proper kiss. She smiled against him at her tease.

He pulled away, a soft grin forming. “True. And I don’t admit that often. So you’d better take what you can get.” He winked at her. 

Caitlin sighed. Hunter was the only one that could match her and appreciate everything she was, overlooking her flaws... her workaholism, cold exterior, and occasional bitchiness. He just… somehow stayed so calm and serene. Even joking. She pressed her forehead into his, breathing in his security. “I love you,” she whispered. 

“And I you.” He pulled back and stroked her face slightly, moving a small strand of blonde back from her eyes. “So…”

“The matter at hand."

“Where is she?” 

Caitlin felt her partner tense against her, trying not to kill his good mood. “Well not stealing our research, so that’s the main thing.” She chuckled. 

“Mmmmm. She’s going to pay for that.” His eyes darkened, and Caitlin watched with sympathy as memories of his pain returned.

“Do you want me to come with you? I can, if you like.”

“No, no. I know you’ve been busy. Let me take care of it.”

“You’re sure?”

He continued to play with a strand of her hair, reluctant to let it go. “Yes. Plus, it’s late. Might be time for you to get some rest...”

“But–“

“Promise I’ll be right beside you when you wake up in the morning. Alright? Don’t worry.”

“Oh, about what? The Luthors coming after us, the Gands raining hell down on StarLabs, the reason why after all this time Lena is suddenly interested in what goes on here, the reason she’s alone if she really wanted something and maybe she is telling the truth and isn’t here to steal something since she could have just attempted to take it by force if she had bothered to bring anyone wi…”

“Caitlin.”

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll. See you in the morning then.”

“Please just think about it.”

“I think fast enough as it is.”

“You’re jittery. All the time.”

“Because everything is moving fast for me.”

“See thats the thing. With the serum, everything moves so fast, it actually slows down.”

“That makes NO sense.”

“You’ll be calmer. Really.”

“It’s MY creation. I’ll take it if I want to take it.” She grumbled. Gods, okay, she _was_ tired.

“I know. I’m not pressuring you. Just thought maybe you’d like to think it over.”

“Just. Don’t be long. Okay?”

“Get some rest.” He leaned down to touch his lips lightly to Caitlin’s forehead, before finally allowing the deep anger to start filling his body. Lena was here. Lena was HERE. 

He turned on his heel and let Cait go, disappearing from her office and reaching for his coat, before striding out into the cold. 

 

*

 

 

Lena was out of breath by the time they made it to the basement inside StarLabs. She had been tasered twice already. Her fault. She wasn’t exactly willing to be dragged to who knows where.

“Lena. What do the Luthors want with StarLabs. And why wouldn’t you just arrange a business meeting to purchase whatever you are interested in? Dr. Snow is very reasonable. I’m sure…”

“Oh, do shut up. I’m not interested in your little prepped speech.”

“There is no need to be hostile.”

“Tell me this. You work with Zolomon?”

“Not really. Dr. Snow is my boss. I believe Zolomon is her fiancé.”

“So. You don’t really know him?”

“I’m meant to be asking the questions. Please, I’m trying to get this done as easily as possible. You don’t need to make it difficult.”

“The taser burns in my back say differently.”

“Apologies. You have a reputation. And these other two here would rather keep Dr. Snow pleased.”

“What about you?”

“That is also what I want. Though I’m willing to be patient. You aren’t going anywhere. I don’t see any reason to beat it out of you.”

Zolomon strode in and let the door slam shut behind him. 

“Well, you might not, but I’m more than willing. Step aside. It’s time I had a chat with an old friend.”

“Uhhh… Mr. Zolomon. Hello.” There was a moment of confusion, before the men in the room decided it best to submit. After all, he was Dr. Snow’s partner. "...What can we do for you?"

“Nothing. You’re all dismissed.”

“Uhhh. Yes, Sir.”

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.s. I'm not watching SG season 3 with the rest of you. Im waiting till after it has all aired. Please refrain from talking to me about it on tumblr or in my comments section of my fics. As i'll be avoiding spoilers. Peace.


	51. We are alike, you and I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. First off, obviously huge apologies for taking 24 days to update. Usually, I don't go longer than 5 days at most, but as you are all well aware, I have shitty mental health. I've lost my therapist and most of my friends, and I'm trying not to lose my job as well lol. So, sorry about being away from writing. Sometimes it's just too hard to even think of writing. 
> 
> 2\. Thank you to tess who left me comments on literally every. single. chapter. as she did a re read this last week or so. you can thank her for this update cs I kinda thought by now everyone would have lost interest. 
> 
> 3\. You can also thank @maybetomorrow my #superbeta because she's amazing. 
> 
> 4\. A reminder that I'm not watching S3 yet and keeping spoilers far away from my comments or inbox or tumblr would be well appreciated.
> 
> 5\. Sorry, no karamel in this ch, we are still with Lena. But PROMISE the next ch will have some karamel for you. Onwards...
> 
> __

 -

 

Lena was grinding her wrists against the two zip ties at her back, not able to get any space for her hands to get them free. Stupid. Fucking. Plastic. Honestly, she didn’t know how this was going to go down. Her last encounter with Zolomon had nearly killed her, and she wasn’t really in the mood to stick around in his company… it wouldn’t take long to–

“Having fun?” Zolomon just stared down at Lena who had her face in a blank, dark stare. She didn’t answer – just continued to rub her wrists raw – she’d done this plenty. If Zolomon thought he had all the power in the world, just because of some stupid restraints? Pfff…

She directed her energy while he just watched her intently, noting that he seemed quite happy to let her struggle about. “Give it up, Lena. We both know you can get out of those if you really try hard enough... and we both know it still wouldn’t help you.”

“You underestimate me.” She gritted her teeth, trying to find an angle for her thumb to break loose. She could dislocate it if she really needed to, and to be honest, it was something she would have to consider at this rate. Her heart began to accelerate far more than to her liking, as he came close enough to invade her space.

“Quite the contrary. I admire you, Lena. We aren’t so different you and I…” His attention drifted to his gloved hands, brushing a thumb over the quality leather at his palm, like he wasn’t even that bothered by her being here. She knew it was just a poker face.

“Oh, fuck off. You despise me and hate my guts. We are nothing alike,” she spat, offended he would even suggest something so hideous as being like him.

“Intelligent. Independent. Resourceful. Highly discerning of other peoples hidden thoughts…”

“You’re a corrupt, manipulative _sociopath._ ”

“You’re a scheming, manipulative seductress. I hardly see much difference.” He shrugged, managing to cool his internal anger to a low thrum, seeing her so powerless before him. His demeanor was calm, knowing Lena would lash out at him for mentioning their similarities. There was a hidden morality in the Luthor girl, it seemed. One perhaps she wasn’t even aware of herself. Still, she had thrown him under the bus and it was unforgivable. He WOULD get what was owed him. He would get REVENGE.

He merely moved back to targeting Lena, grinding into her brain with his words. "You a _re_ like me, Lena. Let's face it. It's always the most brilliant of mind that are rejected, are they not? Intelligent. Independent. Unwanted by your own family… Tell me, what is it like to know you’ll never be good enough? No matter what you do, what you achieve. No matter how grand your facilities or inventions or are, how much you try to bring honour and prestige to the Luthor name. Your parents never wanted you. They already had what they wanted, in their son. And then you came along unexpectedly. Hmmm?”

“Fuck off, Zolomon.” She spat through her teeth. It wasn’t true. It _wasn’t_.

“Living as second best. Discarded and over-looked, really. All because of your brilliant brother… That’s a tough break. Even when you know you’re better than him. Higher grades, superior abilities with people, certainly more attractive…”

Lena didn't dignify him with an answer. He could spout his bullshit at her all he liked. Family was everything. She was a Luthor.

“You know. It's a little sad, actually. Beneath that cold hard exterior of yours, you are nothing.”

Lena stopped moving, bringing her eyes to the patronizing devil in front of her. “Do you really th–"

“–What’s it like to know that your parents never wanted you? Your father especially… we have that in common you know. Your mother, well, she’s found a use for you. But, it’s time to face the facts. We ARE alike… we are both too far above the world for anyone to ever really understand us. We are alone in our genius, Lena. Only those of our kind know what it’s like. They are intimidated by us. Jealous of us. Only someone like me can truly respect everything you are.”

“You wouldn’t know respect if it knocked you on the head with a baseball bat.” Lena was seriously envisioning taking one to his smug fucking face.

“You know your mother is just using you, do you not?”

“Would you just get to the torture or fucked up experiments already, I’ve had enough of your bullshit.”

Oh, so she didn’t realize. He’d already begun. He continued to beat her down. To make her doubt. “Your mother will never forgive you... She will just keep using you.  _You_ are the reason her husband left her.”

“Well, that’s not true, you piece of shit.”

“No? Well, perhaps not. But you weren’t enough to make him stay, either."

"I was NOT the reason he left my mother. Lex was. He took it hard when Lex was no longer around.”

She was taking the bait. Good. Always easy to just pick a sore spot and work it till one caved. He was surprised how easy this was going. He thought Lena would at least be a bit of a challenge, but she was already making efforts to defend herself instead of just keeping her mouth shut. No matter. He smiled again, just rolling his eyes. “Tell yourself what you need to, Luthor. It’s obvious to anyone on the outside looking in that you just serve your mother.”

“I serve my family business, and am proud to call myself a Luthor. So what’s your point?”

“My point is, for someone of such grand potential, I would have expected more from you. Wasting your intelligence as a child trying to please a parent that doesn’t love you. I’ve been there. Waste of time. Make something of yourself.”

“Oh, and how would I do that?”

“Join me.”

“And here was me thinking you were just going to kick my arse.”

“Well, that option is most definitely still on the table.”

“Go to hell, Zolomon.”

“Hmmmm. The outcome I expected. No matter.”

“You don’t give a shit about anyone except yourself. You don’t do anything unless it benefits you and your twisted little games."

“I think my fiancé would say differently...” Zolomon merely twisted around the empty space on his forth, the place a gold band would soon sit. He thought of his precious Cait, and the glorious life they would lead together.

"Tell me. What did you get from her…? There's no way she would be with you because she saw something worth loving….”

He ignored her again, rolling his eyes. Back to the matter at hand… “Last chance. We could rule the world, you know…"

“I nearly died the last time I worked with you, you piece of shit. Take whatever glorious ideal you have of team genius and shove it up your–“ Lena was silence by a grip around her throat and she wanted to roll her eyes. Finally, the person she knew. He was still the same violent son of a bitch she remembered. “Is this where the beating starts? Or the… unethical…exp..eriment..ation?” She hissed out, still being a snarky bitch.

“Well, if you’re not with me, you’re my enemy. I’m sure I can find plenty of ways to get back at the Luthors. Might as well start at the top and work my way down, isn’t that right?"

He threw her down off the stool she had been placed on, feeling the cold concrete slap her cheekbone when she couldn’t catch her fall. Fuck. Well. It’s not like this could go that badly. She’d had worse, right?

 

*

 

_“WINN!” Lena barked at him, seeing him_ _scooting off around the corner out of sight as she wandered down the hall between reception and her office. He turned around sheepishly, and knew that he’d been caught. She merely crossed her arms, giving him a knowing look._

_“Ahh… yes, Lena? What can I do for you.”_

_“Would you like to tell me why one of my best did not put in for the position?” She crossed her arms tightly holding herself square and threatening._

_“The… the promotion you mean?”_

_Lena just narrowed her eyes at the lanky male, who was fidgeting with his laptop bag._

_“Ah. I uhm. Well, it’s a pretty big um… role.. you know... being.. your... er… second. That’s a lot of responsibility. I’m just an IT guy."_

_“Oh for Fuck’s sake, Winslow, you’re not just an IT guy. You’re one of my best researchers, the hardest working guy here, and you’re not in it for the salary or to challenge my power like everyone else. You’re a fantastic mathematician and understand all the shit I have to explain four times to other people, before I’ve even finished explaining it…” She huffed, making sure he heard it._

_“Uhm. Well... Thank you?” Winn didn’t smile, just continued to fidget awkwardly at how stern his boss was looking at him._

_“Those are not compliments. Those are reasons I’m disappointed. And there’s plenty more of them.”_

_“Sorry?”_

_“You'd better be. Next time, grow a pair and put in for the promotion. I expect better.”_

_“Yes, Ma’am.”_

_“Don’t call me that.”_

_*_

 

_Lena growled for about the sixth time that day and finally walked out of her office to drop both her hands on the front desk. "James, where is my 4:30?” She didn’t want to interview people as it was – she liked to be in control, do everything for herself. But it was getting to be far too much work to carry and keep up her standards of utter excellence. She needed a decent resource manager and right hand. And no one was even turning up for their scheduled meets!_

_“He should be here. Perhaps he doesn’t want the promotion?” James just looked up, unfazed by Lena._

_“You’re telling me that my 12 o’clock, my 2:15, and my 4:30 just didn’t turn up, after their lengthy bullshit about why the should be promoted that I had to read through, and after slaving away for weeks trying to impress me… they just… no longer want it.”_

_“Perhaps they are afraid of a face-to-face meet.” He shrugged, entering the last of the monthly report data into the system._

_“You’re joking, right? This is Luthor-Corp. Not pansy town.”_

_James politely brought his hands off his keyboard, looking at his boss with his usual calm demeanor. “Would you like me to order you a coffee, Lena? Perhaps pop down and get you a late lunch? You seem… like you could use it?” James was polite and charming as usual, ignoring Lena's antsy tone._

_“Did you get my calendar wrong?”_

_“I never get your calendar wrong, Lena.” He looked her dead in the eye, firm and confident. They held a strong gaze to a stalemate until Lena sighed and gave in._

_“Fine, fine. Double sho–“_

_“I also never get your coffee order wrong. I’ll take care of it. And chase up where your interviews are. Your next is at 5:30 pm. Hunter Zolomon.”_

_“Well at this rate, he will get the fucking job.” She rolled her eyes._

_“Salmon and Avocado okay?” He returned his fingers to the keys, needing to just get this last spot of work done._

_“Perfect. Thank you, James.”_

_“It will be in your office shortly. Take a break. If anyone comes through, I'll make them wait.”_

_“Thanks.”_

_*_

 

_“Long day?” Hunter unbuttoned his suit jacket to sit, noting Lena was putting the last piece of her sushi in her mouth before setting her chopsticks down and moving the plate aside._

_“Yes, my apologies, I haven’t had lunch. It's… very busy these days.”_

_“Well, that’s why I am here, isn’t it? To help out?” He clasped his hands together calmly to sit them in his lap, noticing his chair was set at a lower height than Lena’s. Smart girl._

_Lena leaned over and pulled out a clear folder with some papers in it, presumably his proposal, which she had printed and kept for the interview. “More than that. Much more than that. But from your rather detailed and flawless proposal, I can see you are well aware of the details of the job.” She gestured to the papers as she took them out._

_“Indeed. A splendid opportunity, thank you for seeing me.”_

_“Well, you’re the only one that turned up today, so thank you.” She rolled her eyes, hoping at least the new guy would respect her. He had been around what, a month? And was already bold enough to apply for a promotion. He was ambitious. Like she was. And that’s what she needed. She sighed and got straight tot he point. “Look, l need another me, alright? I need someone who can match me, and you’re one of the only people to come close. You and the 4 others. I don’t like time wasters, people that ask too many questions, or people that pretend to have a grasp on the intricacies of quantum electrodynamics but actually don’t. If you bullshit me, you’re out. If you piss me off, you’re out. And if you don’t pull overtime whenever I ask, you’re out.”_

_“Am I to understand then, that you are offering me the position? We haven’t even discussed it in full…” He raised his brow. She was straight to the point. Interesting._

_“Not yet, we will get to that. You’re on the shortlist of my shortlist, let's just say that. Out of the four_ _others I wanted to interview, really there's only one other guy there that might be suitable. You’re all fantastic in terms of research and execution. I’m just not sure… who I want to put my trust in. You haven’t exactly been around long. But you remind me of myself."_

_“We are quite alike, from what I gather.” He just nodded one politely, signaling his agreement._

_“I was quite interested in the invention proposal that you slipped in… had nothing to do with the job application, but… really it kind of did. I’m impressed. Did you come up with that tracking device yourself? Do you have a working prototype?”_

_He chuckled. Yes, well, as the ’new guy’ I wasn’t sure how best to get my ideas noticed by the big boss. Seemed like a good time. I was hoping to utilize some of Luthor-Corps resources, of course. It’s just a digital mock up and simulations for now. The design is… very different._

_“Well, not that different. Just impossible.”_

_“Is it?” He smiled a little._

_“…..well, explain it to me. You seem rather confident. And if you are the genius I think you are. Perhaps I missed something?”_

_“No no.” He chuckled “Not at all. I just left it out. Had to pique your interest first.”_ Zolomon _let a hint of a smile appear, and Lena just shook her head. Of course he did. No one gives away full disclosure without some form of deal or commitment. That would be foolish._

_“You know… I’m starting to like you.”_

_“I’m more than meets the eye.” He grinned, leaning back into his chair as they continued their conversation._

 

_*_

 

_“Lena. I need to see you in your office please.” James stood up abruptly as she passed the front desk on the way to her office._

_“Not now, Jimmy. I’ve got an overseas Skype call coming in soon… actually, like now. Time zones are a bitch and I can’t really–”_

_“–This can’t wait, Lena.” He moved out from behind his desk to follow her and grab her wrist, reiterating how important it really was. She spun around, slightly furious, and nearly fell over. She was dizzy. That never happened. Had she had enough coffee? Too many late nights? Fucking hell, the hall was basically tipping at weird angles… but then it settled suddenly._

_“What is it? Speak. Now.” She grumbled. It was because she hadn’t eaten breakfast. That must be it. Because her insides were starting to hurt. Like, full on stomach ache. Ugh._

_“Your interviews. From yesterday…”_

_“What about them?”_

_“Can we talk in your office? Please.”_

_Lena really needed to stop taking her shit out on James. He was always good to her – reliable and thoughtful. So she sucked it up and put her arm up, signaling him to lead the way. “After you...”_

_When they both reached her office, she shut the door behind them and then steadied herself on the hard frame, finding it incredibly difficult to focus._

_“Are you alright?”_

_“Fine. Just tired. As usual. You’ve got 60 seconds. What’s so important that you’re interrupting my morning?”_

_“Your interviews. They didn’t skip out yesterday. The ones that didn’t turn up, I mean.”_

_“Explain?”_

_“They’re all dead, Lena.”_

 

_\----_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random side notes: 
> 
> You may have noticed that my aesthetics sometimes break and arnt' showing or loading properly in the chapters, tryna fix it. :(
> 
> I'll be updating again very soon. I won't make you wait as long this time.
> 
> If you want updates faster, better, or blah blah... easiest way to motivate a writer is in the comments section. Don't be afraid to gut my work or request scenes for part 2 either. Say what you want. That's what it's there for. (Except I don't usually give out spoilers.) Still. I don't mind if you hate it. 
> 
> K. that's it. for now. peace.


	52. Edge of Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I promised you karamel this chapter.... I lied. When this got to 4k words i was like. frick it. and moved karamel to next chapter. SORRY. But you'd all rather have a karamel chapter rather than just a scene, right? LOL. FORGIVE ME IM SORRY. We are... still doing plot developments and set up for part 2. ended up... delaying our sweet stupid puppies till next update. LOVE YALL. 
> 
> \--

 

_"Excuse... me?” Lena blinked. And then blinked again. “What?”_

_“Apparently onset was very sudden. An autopsy is currently being done to uh..._ _determine what is... what was... the cause of death.”_

_"You mean my best. They're gone?”_

_“Yes, I’m sorry. I’ve just called Lillian a few minutes ago, and all personnel are being assessed by medical staff as quickly as possible this morning. I was about to call you when you came in. You will need to be assessed as well. We don’t know if it was an isolated incident or if more people will be turning up to the hospital... or just falling over at work. All I know is that your 3 interviewees from yesterday didn’t make it in to work and that is why.”_

_Lena just stood there. Her face blank._

_"I’ve got people going through any absences, checking in on people off site, even if someone is just late to work this morning, everyone will be accounted for as soon as possible. Security feeds are_ _being taken care of as well.”_

_Lena was struggling to process, the sudden information just dumped on her morning like a scalding burn. He was being formal. Calm. Concise. Thorough. And yet she wanted to hit him. Someone. ANYONE. “Fuck! DAMMIT JAMES!” Lena gripped the nearest thing to her and threw it at the wall, an empty glass shattering on impact. This was her life. Her work. Her HOME. She might be a hardarse, but her employees were... almost... under her care. They were HER employees. Some in training. Some more talented than others. Some were arseholes, sure, but they were HER PEOPLE._

_“Those people had promising futures, James. Brilliant, astounding, life-changing futures! Ideas... medical technologies... robotics... they had so much more ahead of them!! ARRGH!!!!!” She gripped her face, willing the information not to wreck havoc in her chest._

_James had never seen her like this. Vulnerable. Distressed. He just stood there dumbfounded near his boss, before she suddenly looked up, all business. “We need to find out how this happened immediately. If it was one of our own. I doubt it, but there is always a possibility.” She sucked in another breath, taking in as_ _much strength as she could. “And I need you to contact Hunter Zolomon right away. He had some brilliant work prospects and was one of my interviews yesterday. He needs to be protected. If I’ve lost 3 out of my 5, then chances then whoever the fuck got in house is killing off our best and brightest. Check on all of my most talented. Start at the top, and work your way down. My best employees first.”_

_“This is.. kinda out of my job description, Lena.”_

_“Maxwell Lord. Where is he? I interviewed him on Monday.”_

_“Lena.”_

_“And Dana. Okay, are you understanding me. MY BEST people first.”_

_“LENA."_

_“Look, I don’t care if this is out of your job description. I trust you. Contact who you need, utilize whatever resources and people you want. Just get my people safe, and do it now.”_

_“You will also need to be guarded. YOU are our best and brightest, Lena.”_

_“And Winn. Call Winn, RIGHT NOW.”_

_“It’s important that you see someone, right away. This is top priority. You’ll need to delay all your work. I’m sorry.”_

_“I can take care of... of…”_

_“Lena?”_

_“Oh... shit...” Lena felt a wave of nausea slam into her, placing her hands locked_ _against her desk to stay upright._

_“What is it?”_

_“I... I missed breakfast. But... I suddenly don’t think it’s that. How exactly did my people die?”_

_“Well, we don’t know yet. That's why they have to do the autopsy. Are you okay?”_

_“I... I actually don’t think I am.”_

_“I’ll call an ambulance.”_

_“It’s not that serious! Just get one of our medical staff.”_

_“DAMMIT, LENA. PUT ASIDE YOUR BRAZEN LUTHOR SHIT FOR ONE SECOND AND THINK ABOUT THIS. PEOPLE ARE DEAD. MORE ARE PROBABLY DYING AS WE SPEAK.” He huffed, taking his cell phone out of his jacket. “...And if it’s not me, it’s certainly going to be if Lillian finds out I didn’t get you to a hospital in time.”_

 

*

 

_Lena thrashed about on the medical bed in the ambulance, screaming. There was fire in her lungs and blistering jagged metal under her skin, ripping through her insides. The pain caused her to contort and writhe, as she felt something placed over her mouth. Her brain was racing, which made no sense with the waves of agony slashing at her chest, but she had ideas... epiphanies. She wanted to write them down before she forg—_

_"–AGHHHHHH!”_ _Lena slammed back against the stretcher, the grinding in her ears splitting her head in half. She couldn’t feel anything but pain._

_“...give her a minute. Morphine will kick in.” Lena heard strange voices speaking over her, somehow knowing through the pain that somewhere between James calling and now, that she’d collapsed. Her insides felt like they were bubbling up and trying to force their way out of her body, expanding and contorting. Someone was ripping her neck open and shoving hot spikes down her throat, and honestly, she shouldn’t have been so coherent._

What is HAPPENING TO ME?!!

_She suddenly felt cold. Too cold. Is this - was this - how she was going to die?_

_She was alone. Truly alone in those moments. Surrounded by strangers. Coarse sandpaper underneath her eyes, grinding the skin away in sharp movements. Ripples of discomfort squeezing her abdomen. What was the point in fighting it… really? She could feel it... the edge of death._

 

_*_

_Mike pulled into his usual spot at Daxam, just entering the building when his phone started to ring in his pocket. "Michael, speaking.”_

_"Hello, is this Mike?”_

_“Excuse me, who the hell is talking?” No one called him Mike, save for Lena and occasionally a few friends. Being casual was a privilege with him. Not a right._

_“I’m very sorry, Michael Gand, is it? This is Alura from Salvgar City Medical. You are listed as an emergency contact for Lena Luthor.”_

_Mon-El’s heart dropped to his feet as he abruptly stopped in the hall. “Fuck. Is she okay?” Everything went cold as it struck him that something had happened to Lena._

_“Lena has been taken to the emergency unit and is being treated as we speak. We are doing everything we can. But she has been asking for you.” If a name between screaming counted as asking._

_“Asking for me? So she’s okay…?”_

_“Like I said, we are doing everything we can... but I think you’d better come to the hospital right away. It would be best if you be here if she wakes up.”_

_“If. You said if.”_

_“Yes. I’m very sorry. But we do not know if she will make it.”_

_“I’ll be right there.”_

 

_*_

 

 

 _Blinking, Lena noticed she was surround by white._ I’m in the hospital.

 _The nurse was changing her IV, when she noticed Lena had come to. “Oh.. Miss_ _Luthor, you’re awake. Welcome back. How are you feeling?” The other woman seemed warm and friendly, speaking quietly and soothing, like she wasn’t the least bit bothered by the foreboding and sterile air of the hospital._

 _“Alive. I guess.” Lena groaned, wondering what time it was and what the hell happened. There was this strange weight inside her head, like her brain was heavier than it was suppose to be or something. Like she could feel it in her skull._ Ugh. I hate artificial lights, _she thought, screwing her eyes up at the fluorescents._

_“Yes, you were lucky.” The nurse pressed her lips together. "Uhm... you were asking for someone, over and over. He's your partner, I assume?" The nurse was polite, pushing her glasses up her nose. “He’s here. If you wanted…" Lena looked over and saw Mike standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. She'd done that?_

_"Brother. Let him in." Lena gave a small nod in his direction. It was always easier to just say he was her brother. Only family or spouse were usually allowed in to see patients during crisis. It was too hard to explain ‘friend’._

_“Take as much time as you need. I’ll be back later on to check how you are doing. And to answer any questions you may have. But I’ll leave you to it for now.” Time with family after a near death experience was warranted. She could return and check on her patient a little later._

_“Thank you.” Lena sighed, leaning back into her pillow._

_The nurse made her way over to the door to say something quietly to Mike, before he wandered over, running a hand through his hair. “Hey. You look like shit."_

_Lena rolled her eyes. "That'd be a first then, wouldn’t it?”_

_Mike chuckled at her reply, but she caught the concern in his gaze. His somber mood was strange to her – she hadn’t really seen him with sunken eyes and slumped shoulders for a while. Usually, he wasn’t anything like this._

_“I’ll admit, I feel like shit. But I'm alright. You didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily, did ya?" She attempted a smile, hoping he would calm down a little and just sit already._

_“I'll kill them. When we find out who did this. I promise you, Lena."_

_"Hey, get in line, thank you very much." Lena scowled at him and watched a faint smile appear for a moment, before he started pacing, clearly upset. Her head was still spinning a little and his movements weren’t exactly helping. "Oh sit down, would you?”_

_When he refused to stop manically pacing around like a caged animal, she groaned. “Mike. I’m fine.”_

_He spun around, and crossed his arms over himself. But.. he was… holding himself, like he was only just keeping himself together or freezing cold. He actually... looked scared. He didn’t even skip a beat before just blurting it out. “You nearly died.”_

_Lena just blinked, unable to form a reply._

_"Actually, you_ did die _. They brought you back.” He looked at his feet, scuffing his boots across the clean floors._

_“What?”_

_"So yeah. If you happen to get to them before I do, l’ll get in line. But all bets are off if I get to them before you do.”_

_“Mike, you need to calm down.”_

_“Don’t tell me to calm down, Lena. You nearly died on me. You don’t get to tell me_ _to calm down!!”_

 _She wasn’t able to reach him. And decided a better option to make him cave was to just lighten the mood entirely by just teasing the shit out of him._ _“Nawww… you care about me! You’re cute.”_

_“Shut up.”_

_“You’re the one moping like a scared little girl. You shut up.” She teased, smiling as best she could with a sore head._

_He growled, but Lena's lightness of tone managed to bring down his serious side enough for him to sit. “Yeah, alright. You scared me. Don’t do it again.”_

_She pushed a little further. “Want to hold my hand? You can if you want.”_

_“Oh, shut it.” He narrowed his eyes at her, though his words didn't carry any bite to them._

_She just winked. “See? I’m fine. Just my usual self.”_

_“Yeah, well, you’re usual self freaked me out.” Mike ran a hand through his hair again, and it looked like he’d been doing that a lot — the way it was unkempt and sticking up at weird angles. "When... when they called me. And told me what happened...” He couldn’t explain any further. They didn’t really do_ _the whole opening up thing. “Anyway…”_

_“What did happen, just so I know? The nurse hadn’t filled me in yet.”_

_“Yeah, she um... said you were asking for me. Rather insistently.”_

_“I’ll be honest, I don’t remember that.”_

_"It’s fine. Anyway, they gave you a blood transfusion. Or something. I don’t really know the whole medical stuff – that’s more your department. But basically you were having a severe reaction to something that was in your blood stream."_

_“You mean like. I was poisoned? Gods, that is so old school!”_

_“You weren’t poisoned. Well maybe you were? They said it was... highly complex. Like. Something they’d never seen or heard of before. In your system. So they just got rid of it. Had to drain you like a vampire and fill you up with new stuff.” He laughed, trying to make out that the whole situation was ridiculous rather than_ _dire._

_“Uhhh... so that’s fucked up.”_

_“Yeah. A bit.” He shrugged. "They asked me if you were taking unsolicited drugs. What has our little Luthor been popping in her spare time, aye?” He joked._

_“Well excuuuse me, you’d know more about that than I do.”_

_“True. You’ve never really touched the recreational stuff.”_

_“You’re off that now though, right?” She couldn’t help herself; doing the older sister thing. She let him find his way, and knew he’d had it rough with his family and everything, so she never really judged any of his coping mechanisms. Still, she always hoped he’d straighten out._

_“Yeah. I’m not into that anymore.”_

_“Good. Well. Hate to be a party pooper once again, but. I’d really like some sleep.”_

_“You’ve been asleep for 14 hours.”_

_“Jeepers. Really?”_

_“Yeah. But that’s cool. I can come back. Or stay. If you want.”_

_“It’s alright. I know you’ve got stuff to do. Honestly, I’ll be fine.”_

_“You’re sure?”_

_“I’ll be sleeping. It’s not like I’m going to get bored or anything. You’ll know the moment I get bored because I’ll probably be breaking out of here.”_

_“Could you just... maybe not do that?”_

_“No promises.”_

_“Gods, no one would ever think you’d been through hell, the way you just do that_ _thing you do.”_

_“Huh?”_

_“Nothing." He looked down into his lap before getting up to leave her be. "I’ll let you sleep. Call me if you need anything. I’ll be right over.”_

_“Thanks, Mike.”_

_“See you soon.”_

 

*

 

“This is Lena. Sorry, I can’t answer the phone right now. For urgent matters regarding Luthor-Corp, please call the front desk and one of the team will assist you. For everything else, I’ll call you back as soon as I can. Thank you.”

Mon-El growled, before hanging up and deciding to call back in half a minute. If he bombarded her with calls, she would know to pick up her Rao-damned phone. He didn’t care if she was partying or it was nearing 2am. He needed to talk to Lena, dammit!

He huffed again as he looked up to see the large hole in in his wall. Oops. That… that wasn’t meant to happen. But he’d put Kara to bed and then, apparently, lost his shit. How could she do that to him?!! Surely she knew by now that he cared about her. He’d told her as much. And then she... she had... kissed him. TWICE. And then fucking made her merry way over to someone else and ditched him!

He shouldn’t have been that wound up about it. It was a party. He made out with girls at parties all the time. At least, before _her._

He had initially thought maybe, that little... thing... that had been growing. Would either just go away or that it wouldn’t matter. That... that connection. That he felt. Sometimes. Around her.

Okay, all the time. She was beautiful and amazing and he... he.. 

Fine. He liked her. He did. Screw it! But it wasn’t even a possibility until she did...well... _that_. It meant maybe what they had... that.. that thing… wasn’t just an illusion. That there really _was_ something there.

At least, until it blew up in his face. DAMN HER.

“This is Lena. Sorry, I can’t answer the phone right now. For urgent matters regarding Luthor-Corp, please call the front desk and one of the team will assist you. For everything else, I’ll call you back as soon as I can. Thank you.”

“Lena, I know you didn’t take a guy home with you, because you never take guys home with you after a party. And I need to talk. Call me back.” Mike hung up and threw his phone at the bed, utterly pissed. Slumping into his chair, he reached down into his desk and pulled out his trusty scotch. If Kara was allowed to get black out drunk, surely he was allowed to as well…

 

*

 

By 4am, he was definitely exhausted and absolutely drunk. And to be honest, it might have been a good thing that when he tried calling Lena one last time, she didn’t pick up. Because he was blatantly intoxicated. And dangerous things would probably come out of his mouth while filled with copious amounts of scotch. He just crawled into bed, half mad, half sulking. 

Where the hell was she, anyway?

 

*

 

Well, just fucking great. She was underwater, not able to make out anything Zolomon was saying to her through the gurgles and splashing. There was fire in her lungs and agony slashing through her chest as she ran out of air. She needed to break free. And do it right now. She had been sure he wasn’t going to kill her, not when she was still a valuable asset to get basically anything he wanted. Surely, he wouldn’t just drown a Luthor instead of using her as a bargaining chip. But perhaps she was wrong. The grinding in her ears was splitting her head in half, and she couldn’t feel anything but pain. 

She’d felt this before, she realized. History repeating itself, apparently. The cold realization, that perhaps this was exactly how she was going to die.

Lena gasped, inhaling with whatever strength she could manage when he finally let her up and ripped her from underneath the water, before allowing her to fall back to her place on the concrete. _You piece of shit._ She would have spat it at him if she could, but she couldn’t even SEE, black spots completely overtaking her vision from the lack of oxygen.

“You thought for a second there that I was going to kill, you, didn’t you, Lena?” He sounded smug, the little shit. “How does it feel to be on the edge of death?”

 _Well, certainly not pleasant. Suddenly I’m wishing I had gone to the Gands’ and had a fucking drink._ She couldn’t voice her thoughts, busy trying to down as much oxygen as possible and bounce back. Ugh.

“You know. It’s weird, seeing you like this. You were always so... powerful. Sitting in that white chair with your coffee. Sometimes you were even a little fun.”

Lean groaned. Would he just shut the hell up?!

“We could have been great together. I have no doubt about that. But alas, I wasn’t good enough for you.”

_Good enough? Hello?! You bloody well nearly killed me you fuck wit._

“I must apologize for testing the serum on you. I was certain it was ready. And that it would only increase your abilities. I never meant to cause you any harm. I had great plans for Luthor-Corp. Stunning goals. Just like you did for your company. I was more invested than you probably even realize.”

“So... that’s... why you’re... so.. bitter? ‘Cause you didn’t get picked... for... the football team?” She finally managed to snarl at him a little. Though her voice was far too weak for her liking.

“I’d like to think of it more that I got benched. Your loss.”

“Why... did you... come back? You’re a dead man. And you... know it.”

"I needed the challenge. It was getting boring.” He shrugged.

"So you... decided, hey, I know, I’ll pick... a fight with the... two biggest players I can... find. And to think I once... considered you to... be a genius.” Lena gasped between her broken phrases, finally able to get some strength back. "Now I realize... you’re just a... total idiot.” She continued to breathe. She had enough adrenaline now. And her vision was returning. All she needed to do was catch her breath.

“How’s the Gand boy doing?” Zolomon suddenly changed the subject. He didn’t pay as much attention to the Gands as he should have been lately, but he had been rather distracted by his work, and of course, the wedding things with Caitlin. Most of his energy went into that. He wasn’t really expecting to take on the two larger players until his work was finished. And after a nice honeymoon. Lena turning up out of the blue was quite unexpected. He thought he had more time to plan.

“Ask him yourself.”

“I’m asking you. But if you’d rather another round, I’m more than happy to oblige...” He said, hinting at holding her underwater again.

No... no no. She was so close. Just a few more moments and she would be able... “What would you like to know?" She spoke. "He’s still rich. Likes his car and his women. Best underground fighter around. Etc etc. Why do you care?”

“I don’t. Just wanted to see if you did.”

“And?”

“Your micro expressions give you away.”

She didn’t know what the hell that even meant.

“He’s your weakness. I knew you must have one. Just needed to find it.”

He was distracted. Blabbing on about bullshit and thinking she was too weak to fight back. Clearly he didn’t remember she was a LUTHOR. Lifting herself up, she slammed her wrists down over the edge of the metal basin Zolomon had previous been drowning her in, hearing the victorious snap as her ties broke off her wrists. Ugh, the one time she didn’t bring a knife. Who was the idiot now? And someone still had her gun, but whatever. 

She let the fires of adrenaline surge and remembered the stool she had been placed on, dashing over for it.

“Uh pup puppp. I have a gun.” Zolomon went to reach for it out of his jacket. But he was far too slow and untrained. He pointed it at her and she had no doubt it was loaded. Still, she simply ripped the stool around with as much force she could possibly manage and heard it make contact with his wrist, causing the weapon to fly across the room with a loud snap.

She didn’t have the strength to put up a decent fight, so she picked the safer option. While Zolomon raced across the room chasing after his disposed gun, which continued to slide across the concrete on the floor, she dashed in the opposite direction, toward the door instead. She hated to lose a fight, but today she would concede.

By the time Zolomon had retrieved his weapon, she was long gone.

 

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lolol. I hope yall noticed that Rhea's men were useless and didn't get Lena out. She got herself out. Lol. Wonder how that punishment will go down...? Oh wait. I already know. hahaha.


	53. Conflict and Confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta @maybetomorrow for being the stellar fantastic gem she is. All the love in the world to you xo.
> 
> \---

 

Kara groaned, feeling her head spin and some kind of weird buzzing coming from underneath her pillow. _What the actual frick_. Rolling over, she noticed the giddy sensations intensify as she slammed her palm to her head. There was a glass of water on her bedside table which she reached for, blinking painfully to try to see what the hell she was actually doing.  _Hangover. Great._

Kara sighed heavily before drinking the water, letting the dryness in her throat ease while waiting for her throbbing head to settle a bit. She noticed smeared makeup on her pillow and around the collar of her shirt – remnants of her eyeliner and the foundation she had used to cover up her scarring the previous night. Some had rubbed off while she slept, and Kara also noticed her arm still had a swirl of colours on it too – though dull and barely visible. Hopefully, that would come off in the shower... Not that she could stand the thought of getting up to have one yet. If sitting in bed was this dizzying, there was no way in hell she was going to be able to stand, let alone balance on a wet tiled floor. Could she just sit in the bottom of the shower? Less effort. Would that be pathetic?

She reached for her phone to check the time, since it was clearly late morning. How long had she been out?

  **[ New Message. (2) ]**

 Shit. Kara realized she had given her phone number to someone last night at the party. She opened the thread, not at all surprised to see who it was.

 **[Unknown Number]**  
Sun. 9.03am  
_> > Hey Kara, it’s Andrew (Andi). Hope you got home okay last night. Just wanted to make sure you were alright. <<_

Sun. 9.04am  
_> > You’ve probably got a mean hangover – sorry about that. Just thinking, I had a great time with you... I’d be keen to get to know you better. Dinner tomorrow night? <<_

 

Ugh. It was 11 am. How did he get up so early in the flipping morning the night after a party? He was nice, but dinner? She was... well no.. she wasn't  _with_  Mon-El. But she didn't really want to go out for dinner with someone else. Surely Andi would know that?

Kara's mind was still in pieces, random fragments coming back to haunt her as she tried to formulate a reply.

 

 **[Lady Grey]**  
Sun. 11.12am.  
_> > Morning. My head hurts. You're not hungover? I had a nice time, but I can’t have dinner with you, sorry. I’m kinda with Mike. <<_

  **[Andi]**  
Sat. 11.13am.  
_> > Oh shit, sorry. I thought you were just his plus one for the night. Mike’s never really been a one-girl-at-a-time kind of guy. I didn’t know you were his girlfriend. Super sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. <<_

 **[Lady Grey]**  
Sat. 11.13am.  
_> > I’m not his girlfriend. It’s just… complicated? Sorry. <<_

 **[Andi]**  
Sun. 11.14am.  
_> > Nah, that’s cool. Don’t worry, I understand. Maybe when you figure it all out, give me a call if you want? I’ll be here. And if you ever need me to hook you up with a score or something, don’t hesitate to ask. Say hi to Mike for me. Rest up. <<_

 **[Lady Grey]**  
Sun. 11.14am.  
_> > Thanks. <<_

 

Kara rolled over to stare at the ceiling. Technically, she wasn’t Mon-El’s girlfriend. She WAS just his plus one for the party. But... she had felt something. Maybe it was just the alcohol, but she had kissed him before taking her first drink, so she couldn't even use that excuse. At the time she just didn’t have the right words or the right thing to say. It was easier to just…

Whatever. It didn’t mean anything to him. Did it? And the second time... well, she was at very least, tipsy, and he had clearly had a bit to drink as well. But heck.  _That_  was a kiss. He had been so carefree for like 5 stupid seconds and kissed her back. Pfff, but then he had gotten all upset that she was drunk and stuff, and was getting all up in her grill for having a nice time outside. He didn’t have to be such a jerk about it. And THEN, he basically just dragged her home and left her to sleep it off. Mon-El didn’t want to spend time with her when she was having fun. And he was so uptight about everything, he didn't want to spend time with her when they'd gotten home either.

Whatever had taken place between them... it was just a thing that happened. They were just partying – stupid stuff happened at parties and it didn’t necessarily mean anything. Hell, Mon-El had even said something so suggestive, it was totally out of character for him. He was just loose because of the drinks. It wasn’t like Mon-El really felt for her in…  _that way_. He just pitied her. And yeah, maybe he cared about her.. sometimes... maybe... But there was no way he actually  _wanted_  her. He always kept an appropriate distance and shoved her away when she got too much. Plus, he didn’t show any reluctance to just put her to bed and then disappear into his own room last night. He didn’t even want to be _near_ her. How many times had she offered herself up to him, for him to just flat out reject her? It was ridiculous. 

He didn't want her.

Ugh. Kara groaned from the pain of thinking too much, her head still a swirl of manic throbs, slight tingling uncomfortable behind her eyes. She was trying not to be offended or upset about last night. But she’d felt it… that… that _something_. Mon-El had kissed her back. Like... s _ure, alcohol_. But… It was still really nice. For once it was nice.

 _Dammit Kara, stop being stupid._  Just because he kissed her didn’t mean that Mon-El  _like_  liked her. Men kissed her all the time and it _didn’t mean anything._ Whatever. She would just keep telling herself to shut the hell up whenever her Rao-damn feelings tried to convince her otherwise. Her thoughts were chasing themselves in endless circles, and Kara found herself growing reluctant to admit she might have feelings for Mon-El.  It was too confusing. Everything was weird and confusing.

Sighing, she decided that sleep was a better option than facing the world, and rolled over back into her pillow.

 

*

 

"Oh good, you’re just in time.” Rhea looked up as two of her men entered the door in front of her.

"Good morning, Rhea. You said you had a special assignment for us?"

"Yes, well, since you so _adequately_ performed last night…” Rhea rolled her eyes. “I have a new assignment for you. Since neither of you could complete a task as simple as finding Lena and  make sure she got back to Salvgar in good hands...” She crossed her arms, looking darkly into the eyes of her latest failures. 

One of the men spoke up, clearly uncomfortable. “Lena wasn’t where you sent us. I swear to you, Rhea, we used the chip you gave us and followed after her using Luthor-Corp's latest tracking software. The signal died before we got to it. She wasn’t at her last known location, or anywhere nearby. What did you expect us to do?"

“I expected you to find her. And bring her home. _Like I asked you to_.” She tapped her foot impatiently, not wanting to hear any more lame excuses. She heard one of her men huff in annoyance, while his colleague beside him tensed. Annoyingly, he too opened his mouth. 

“We apologize for not being able to do as you requested, Rhea. However, may I ask why we were tasked with finding Lena Luthor? Why was she all the way out South instead of at the Gands' party?” He wasn’t a huge fan of they way Rhea was talking… but at least he could maybe get back in her good books with whatever her new assignment was. It seemed strange that Lena would need any assistance, especially when she could have just been doing her own thing. 

“I don’t know what Lena was up to," Rhea admitted. "She wasn't given any assignment, which is why I tasked _you_ with being her back up. She had no business out South last night.”

The other man cut in, speaking gently. “Lena is very capable. Perhaps she was just taking care of something personal?"

 _Well, she wasn’t._ Rhea thought to herself. But it wasn’t within their rights to know about that. “Perhaps.” Rhea merely shrugged, and she was more than ready to get this useless conversation over with. "Anyway, my business partners should be here any minute now. Why don’t you both take a seat.” She smiled and gestured to the couches in the upper lounge, satisfied that her men had no idea what was about to come. "I'd better go downstairs and show them in. I'll let you know about your new assignment soon. Won’t be long...” Rhea twirled on her heel and brushed her jacket down. Enough of that nonsense. Today was going to be a stellar and very profitable day.

 

*

 

Mon-El knocked quietly on Kara's door sometime in the early afternoon. She had been awake for a little while, just sitting in bed, thinking. When she didn’t answer, he popped his head through the door. “Hey, uhm… you okay?”

Kara lifted her eyes to notice the furrow in Mon-El's brow grow deeper, and she couldn’t help but notice the way he wasn’t holding his posture straight like he usually did. His slumped shoulders and messy hair weren't really like him. “It still hurts,” she sighed, slightly regretting that she’d opted to go out to the party.

“I guess that hangover got you pretty good, huh?” Mon-El's lips quirked up a bit, and she could see that he was trying to be his usual self – teasing and charming. But he looked mopey and... had he slept at  _ALL_? The purple under his eyes was nearly black, and not from bruising. It looked like he hadn’t gotten any decent rest in _weeks_.

She played with the comforter, shuffling about and hoping Mon-El would just leave her alone. His presence felt weird today – like he wasn’t himself. “I guess,” she mumbled, knowing that she was in fact hungover, and it was entirely her own fault for feeling this way. There was a long, awkward kind of silence before Mon-El offered her breakfast, though it was late in the day.

“Could I tempt you with some pancakes?” He gave a gentle lopsided smile, running his hand down the door. 

She had to admit, she _was_  a little hungry. But everything was weird now. _He_ was being weird. And she didn't really want to have anything to do with him while it felt so strange and uncomfortable. She tried to sound as normal as possible, pushing aside her desire for food. “I’m not hungry.” 

Mon-El's face fell further, and to be honest, he looked utterly wrecked. It made her feel even more guilty that he had to keep her around.

“Sure. That’s okay. Rough night...” His gaze trailed to the floor, and he scuffed at the carpet briefly with his foot before continuing to speak. “You can shower in my room if you want.” Mon-El shrugged nonchalantly, but it did nothing to veil the grim expression written over his features. 

Kara looked down at the faded markings on her arms, and yeah, she did need to hop in the shower at some point today and clean up. She usually preferred his shower and used it anyway, but maybe he was just trying to ease her discomfort by offering. “Uhm… Thanks.” She bit her lip, wondering if he would now leave. 

“Everything alright? You seem...” Mon-El didn’t know how to finish his sentence. Or what exactly to say. He was exhausted, but it was clear something was bothering Kara. They hadn't talked about last night yet, though it was the middle of the day. Maybe that was a good thing, but he felt like they should at least address a few things. Like what had started to happen between them before her behaviour abruptly changed. Perhaps she didn't even want him... and simply took him as the nearest most convenient person to spend time with. Still. "I'm just a bit worried about you, Kara. That's all."

“I’m fine.” Kara crossed her arms over her chest protectively, not sure why he was pressing the matter. Why wouldn't he just leave her be? Unfortunately, she opened her stupid mouth again without even thinking. "I was just wondering if you could drop me off in town tomorrow night.” What in the hell? She didn’t even want to go! Why was she like this?! UGH.

“Huh? Why?”

“Andi invited me out for dinner.” She stuck her chin out, looking to Mon-El for a reaction. At least someone wanted her. 

“And you... want to go?”

“Well, it’s not like I’m your girlfriend,” Kara muttered bitterly, shrugging. It was the truth of the matter. Someone ought to say it out loud. 

“I… I suppose not.”

“ _Am I?_ ” The niggling thought remained... two words slipping from her lips in her weakness. Maybe...

“What? I mean… no...” Mon-El stumbled over his words, clearly surprised. 

Great. So it was settled then. He didn’t want her. "So you'll drop me there? You’re not too busy?" Kara crossed her arms tighter over her chest, barely able to look at Mon-El when he sucked in a tense breath. 

He didn’t stop himself dragging a hand across his brow, whether from stress or surprise or just sheer hurt at this point, he didn’t even know. It just seemed a little out of nowhere, and threw yet another spanner in the works. His heart dropped, crushing whatever hope he'd previously had for this conversation. “Would it be… selfish of me... to ask you not to go?”

“Why not?”

“Just… I.. don’t want you hanging out with him.”

“Because he’s dangerous?”

“Yeah. He is, Kara. And I know him better than you do.” The problem was, he wasn’t even that bad a guy. As far as criminals went anyway. Andi wasn’t top notch but he was pretty decent. Usually respectful. And, to be honest, was good looking too. Not that Mon-El was insecure about it or anything.

Kara huffed. "But you’re dangerous. I hang out with you, don’t I?”

“Yes but…” He trailed off, his heart clenching in his chest. She wanted to go out, and he had no right to stop her. She was clearly getting frustrated, and if she wanted to spend time with someone else, it would be entirely unfair of him to say no just because he maybe wanted to keep her all to himself. Wasn’t that exactly the kind of thing he wanted to free her from? To spare her from?

“So what’s the issue?” Kara challenged him when he didn’t answer.

“Never mind. I won’t stop you going if that’s what you really want. You should be able to have the freedom to hang out with other people. I guess I was just hoping you’d prefer to have my company over his. But it's pretty obvious from last night that that isn't the case.” He shrugged. He probably should have held himself back a little more on that last bit, but he was a bit of an arse when he was this tired... he struggled to communicate properly.

"Andi said you weren’t a one-girl-at-a-time kind of guy.”

Mon-El wasn’t sure if that was a question or not. It sounded more just like a statement, and Kara seemed to be great at stabbing him with her little knives this morning. Taking a deep breath, he held it together long enough to speak politely. “Did he.” He replied in the same fashion she had spoken, neither a question nor a statement. Just drifting somewhere in between. He feared to open his mouth for what he might say, so instead, opted for silence. What could he possibly tell her, when she was so obviously not into him?  

"You're upset,” Kara spoke to her hands in her lap, not looking Mon-El in the eye. She finally admitted out loud what she suspected was causing Mon-El to be acting so strangely towards her. She had upset him, though she didn't know which bit exactly was the cause of his mood. It could have been any number of things from last night, or even before that, what, with her being a constant nuisance and liability.  

“Well... I’m trying not to be. But yes. A bit.“ Mon-El tried his best to be polite, though his words were clipped short. He was teetering on an edge somewhere between snapping in half or just doing a walk out. How could Kara just… shove everything that happened at the party away so easily? How could she just draw him in close and then leave him without a second thought? He knew her to be kind and gentle, and yet right now, it felt more like she was just acting on whatever whim or impulse made her feel good. He was trying to hold it together, because, it wasn’t like he was really allowed to be upset with her. She wasn’t his girlfriend, and she was allowed to do whatever she pleased. If she wanted to go out with another male, then that was up to her. Still, it… it _hurt._ That she would just use him and then go find someone else to spend her time with. It was stupid of him to even consider the possibility of... 

“Why?” Kara looked up at him, pulling her brows together and interrupting his train of thought.

“Sorry, what?”

“Why would you be upset?”

"What do you mean  _why?_ ” He growled, willing himself to just communicate properly. But. He couldn’t... It... wasn’t…his place.

"Well. I assume it’s because I was drunk. Sorry about that… I don't think I've ever been that drunk before, I didn’t mean to ruin your night or–” she rambled on before Mon-El cut her off in a huff.

"I don’t give a shit about you being drunk, Kara," he grumbled. "Well, I do. But that's not even the half of it! You were reckless and… and…” He sighed, giving it up. Whatever. It didn't matter.

“And?” She pressed gently. She was hoping she hadn’t ruined everything by her childish, drunken behaviours last night. But it was pretty clear she had overstepped or something because Mon-El looked like he might kill a puppy the way he was so upset with her. She just wanted to know what she had done wrong.

“…It doesn’t matter."

"It does."

“Fine. I’m upset because… You… you  _kissed me_. And then just wandered off! Leaving me wondering where the _hell_ you were. And after the last time, I was kinda freaking out a little bit and then I find you safe and sound sitting in ANOTHER man's lap!" Mon-El realized then just how much it hurt to admit. "You had a drink in one hand, and a smile on your face while he held you. Oh, and you were about to snort a line of  _fucking Cocaine!_  RAO, KARA. ARE YOU JOKING?! Why would I be upset? I mean. That's not in the least bit upsetting.” He brought his tone back down, trying to reel himself back in. It had all just unexpectedly come out without intent, pouring out without so much as a thought. He shoved his hands in his pockets, wondering if he even made any sense to her.

 _Oh._ “I'm sorry, Mon-El. I... I didn’t mean to upset you." When she was met with silence, she tried to explain. "I just... got comfortable. It was... familiar." She had no idea  _that_ was the reason he was being strange. Of all the things, she hadn't really even considered it. 

"Familiar..." He repeated, deadpan. 

"It felt like arriving home. After a long time away. Or something. I’m sorry...” She mumbled quietly, still staring at her lap with her head down. She didn't mean to screw up. 

Mon-El just sighed. "And now I'm not even allowed to be upset, because _of course_ sitting with the most dangerous men at the party and enjoying it would be familiar to you.” He rolled his eyes, and he didn’t know if it was more at himself or at Kara, because on the one hand, it suddenly made complete and utter sense. And he definitely should have been able to control his feelings and stop having these intense waves of emotion hitting his chest. It felt like someone was tearing his guts out and he was taking it out on Kara. But on the other hand, his reasoning made complete sense too. She was just using him! Ugh! He should have never let himself have the slightest of inklings towards Kara, let alone KISS HER. Now he was royally fucked. She clearly didn’t care, it was just a thing to her, just another ‘Kara' thing.

"You don’t understand.” Kara sighed, accidentally letting her eyes roll because  _of course_ , he wouldn’t get it. He wouldn’t get HER. No one ever really did – she couldn’t even understand herself. She did things and said things that made no sense. Her behaviour was erratic and impulsive, and if _she_ couldn’t make sense of it all, how in the world would someone else, even Mon-El understand?

OH, so now SHE was rolling her eyes at him too. Like he was pathetic. Fine, that’s fine. Just absolutely peachy. Mon-El heard the snap of his own jaw coming down as he gritted his teeth “You know what? I think I DO understand. I’m just another male to you. Someone to kiss and please and let lead you around. That’s not what I wanted, nor intended. I thought for a second maybe this was real.” He huffed, and just gave up. Honestly, he realized then, that he had thought for a stupid second, maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t just a ‘Kara' thing. That she might have honest, authentic feelings for him. He cared about her. And it was a kick in the gut to realize none of that was mutual.

"This is who I am, Mon-El. This is what I'm used to," she argued. "I don’t know how to be something else. I can’t be what you want me to be. I’m just Kara. That’s it.” She tried her best to explain, pushing away the knot in her throat. Why was everything so hard? She thought he understood that she was… damaged. Sometimes she even thought that it didn’t really bother him all that much. He was always so nice to her. But then, sometimes he just wouldn’t understand a _damn thing_. Sure, she liked kissing him. But she wasn’t his girlfriend or anything. By the sounds of things, Mon-El kissed other girls all the time. So it wasn’t like she was special. Or different. And why wasn’t she allowed to enjoy a drink and some free coke with his friends? Didn’t he like it that she was able to socialize with them too? That she was making… progress? Instead of just cowering away like a terrified little girl. Kara was struggling to gather all her thoughts together when she was interrupted by a small sigh – a sound she’d come to recognize as defeat. Mon-El finally spoke again, still holding his jaw down tightly.

“Just tell me this one thing, Kara. Am I just a new master to you? A replacement. For  _him_?"

“ _What?_ ” She choked out, and honestly she nearly threw up. That’s… that's what… he thought?

“This entire thing. Am I just a substitute. Is that all I am to you.”

She was suddenly so offended and nauseous that she couldn’t do anything but feel intense washes of anger bubbling up under her skin. “Get out.” She forced the words out through her teeth, not wanting Mon-El to be anywhere near her. If that’s what he really thought, he could fuck right off. Better yet, he could get hit by a falling truck.

"You are in MY house. Don’t tell me to get out.” He just put his hands on his hips, looking down at her sternly. The gesture was so patronizing that she just entirely lost it.

"YOU ARE  _NOT_  MY MASTER, AND YOU GAVE ME THIS ROOM TO BE MY OWN SPACE, SO GET THE FUCK OUT!!"

He stalled a moment but took a step back, stunned. "I'm… I'm sorry…"

**_“GO TO HELL!!!”_ **

 

*

 

She cried. Hot, angry tears, until she realized that honestly, she probably shouldn’t even be staying here. She was exhausted and defeated and not only did Mon-El not want her, she was only causing him problems and frustration. She swiped her sleeve over her stupid eyes to see better and hopped up off the bed, starting to gather up a few of her things. Not that they were even hers, they were his, technically, but what did it matter. He wouldn’t have a use for her favourite jeans or fit her sweater.

Kara threw a few items in a bag that she had found at the top of the wardrobe, put on another sweater, and then threw a jacket on over top. She had too many books, but she could take just one… or… okay, maybe two. Chucking in a few extra things, she remembered to pull the back of her phone case off, looking for a tiny transparent sticker with a slit of silver. What an idiot. Don’t tell someone a tracker is there if you want to keep it on them.

She couldn’t find it, inspecting her phone thoroughly and tilting it around in her hand a few times. What the hell? She dragged herself over to the window to use the light, and finally saw the faintest of glimmers, a silver strip barely the size of a thread that caused a tiny flicker.

Shit, it was thin, and hard to peel off. Without any decent nails to get underneath it, Kara looked around for something to use before she settled on taking one of her earrings out, using the thin metal to flick a corner up off the tracker so that she could remove it. Perfect.

Her bag was light enough to carry, so she pulled her scarf on and wondered if Mon-El would notice if she stole his shirt. No. She was getting away from him, she couldn’t do that.

She opened the door and Mon-El immediately fell backward onto the carpet, having been sitting down leaning on her door for the last hour. He got up immediately, and it only took him a second to put two and two together.

 

*

 

"Non, Astra. Lovely to see you again. I trust you had a nice stay at the Celestine?" Rhea politely led the way down the hall to the elevator, gesturing for them to enter first.

“We had a  _very_  nice stay, thank you.” Astra smiled darkly. Non had treated her VERY well. They always had a nice time when they were away together on business trips, even more so after a round or two of drinks. Somewhere between the bliss of dessert and even wandering down to the ballroom for a dance, Non had simply whispered in her ear, and they had retired to their luxury suite for more... pleasurable activities. Non chuckled next to her leaning to smile into her neck when he noticed her mind had wandered off, causing a shiver to run down her spine. Gods, he was a fantastic husband.

Astra wrapped her fingers up in his and made sure Rhea noticed the way he leaned into her touch. He treated her like she was his entire world. And she had no qualms about showing that off.

Rhea cleared her throat as the three of them approached the upper floors, the elevator door opening to reveal her secret testing facility. “Right. Well then. Let's get to it, shall we?”

“Will Lar be joining us as well, Rhea?” Non spoke up, noticing the amount of time he seemed to be caught in business meetings or investment demonstrations surrounded by powerful women, getting a little sick of being the only male.

“Later on, yes. He just has a few things to take care of this morning. He will be here soon enough.”

“Busy times for the Gands." He noted.

“Indeed. We’ve been… expanding, as you can see. Most of our teams are at capacity. He has an interview with a… side team, if you will. Independent, but we might like to work with them on a contract basis. They've gained a stellar reputation in their few short years."

"Always getting someone else to do your dirty work, I see." Astra threw another jab at the other women, seeing the opportunity arise.

"I assume you know of Sara and her partner?” Rhea smiled.

"Of course. They charge through the roof for their services," Astra scoffed.

"Yes, well, we are hoping we can reach an understanding. Lar is handling the negotiations with them while they are in town. I’m sure you understand.”

“Of course."

 

*

 

“You’re leaving?” Mon-El seemed pained, and she began to think maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But it was for the best. He didn’t want her. She was just a burden to him.

“Well, clearly you don’t want me here. And I don’t want to be here. So yes.” Kara stuck her chin out, making her intentions known, and expecting he would bark at her or berate her some more. But he didn’t, in fact, his face fell even further, and his eyes found hers in that stupid puppy look thing he was so good at.

“That’s not true, Kara. I do want you here.” He let out a defeated sigh.

He was. Sad? That. That didn’t make any sense. He was meant to be angry at her. Or… or happy about her leaving.

“I’d really like you to stay. But… I understand I’m not the nicest guy to be around. I’m sorry. And I can’t keep you here. Like you said. You are free to make your own choices.”

“Good.” She shoved past Mon-El only for him to catch her wrist lightly. He was gentle and immediately let go, not meaning to do it.

“But... where will you go?”

“Does it matter?”

“…You… you don’t exactly have any money right now. I mean. How…” He trailed off unsure.

She turned to him and nearly spat in his face. "Oh, I have plenty of ways to make money. I’ll just start with my mouth and go from there.” Kara watched as his face went from cautious and pained, to suddenly desperate.

“Please. I’m sorry about what I said. I’m sorry for being upset.”

“Well it doesn’t matter now, does it,” she spat.

“It does matter. I was just… I’m… I was… I was  _jealous_ , Kara. Seeing you. With someone else. So free and comfortable. Someone who would never treat you right. I’ve never been jealous before, I’ve never  _felt_  like this before.”

“Wh… what?”

“I’ll understand if you… don’t want to stay with me. But... please don’t go. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“Mon-El...?” She didn’t know what to say.

"I… yeah. I’ve never… felt these things before. For someone. I think that’s why I got so wound up. It just hurt. Seeing you with someone else after you… you know… were kinda... with me.” He searched her gaze, and saw the ice in her eyes melt slightly. Or perhaps that was just wishful thinking on his part.

“But… but you don’t… want me. You’ve never... ” She started to look down, but he continued anyway since he was already halfway through his confession and she seemed at a loss for words.

"I want you here, I do. I think you are strong and beautiful and have the most delightfully curious mind. You think about things deeply and the smallest of things can make you light up with wonderment… It’s… it’s actually one of my favourite things.” He was unable to keep looking at her, scared out of his mind and deciding that looking at his shoes would be safer than seeing Kara’s reaction. “I’ve never…. uhm… experienced this. Feeling…lots of things. All at once.” He sucked in another breath. He didn’t want to lose her. "I know sometimes you do things that I’m not used to because they are familiar to you. And sometimes you get really upset. I’m not the best at communicating…”

“But you don’t want me.” She repeated. She knew it. Heart and soul. No matter how much he  _seemed_  to care about her. He didn’t. She refused to believe it. He didn’t want her.

“I don’t know how you can still think that.”

“You push me away.”

“I only do that when you… get… you know.” He shrugged.

“Close.”

“No! Well… sort of? I promise you. After… after last night... I’ve never wanted anything more than to have you as mine. Just not… not like that. At least. Not yet. Not till… not till you’re better.”

“Like I said. You don’t want me. Because I’m broken.”

“You’re really good at being difficult, you know that? I like you, Kara. A lot. Believe me, I want you. But when I found you, you’d been treated horribly... and I just don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of you. Please. Can you... can you try to understand?”

Kara stopped, willing her brain to just work. To spin.  _Something._  Everything had slowed down to a white wall of blank, empty space. It was. Too much. There were. Too many things. 

"I... I.. need time. To… to think.” Kara became a stuttering mess, unable to process all the things Mon-El was saying to her.

“Would it be okay... to wait a bit? If you still want to leave tomorrow, I'll help you get some cash. Or whatever you need. I’ll give you time here – space. Whatever you want. Just. It’s going to be night time soon, and I know it seems like I’m dumping all of this on you at the wrong time. You don’t have to stay or anything because of what I said…”

“Mon-El.”

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

“Mon- _El_.”

“I'm just. I… I'm sorry. I should have just been honest with you before. Instead of getting angry. I’m really sorry.”

“I need time to think.” She couldn’t process anything else. She just reiterated what she had already said. That’s all she had left.

He just nodded, wondering if she would still go or not. If 'time to think' meant away from him or not.

They just stood awkwardly in the hall for a long time, before Kara could make her brain work enough to make her limbs move. She didn’t pick up her bag – she just left it next to her door and wandered to the place she needed most. She suddenly needed to be outside in the garden. His garden. One of the places her heart felt right.

 

**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I understand that some of you won’t get Kara, and why she does and thinks they way she does. She probably doesn’t make any sense. And that’s kinda the point. As someone with BPD I can tell you that these sorts of reactions, however ludicrous, are pretty common. Self-sabotaging, being selective in terms of memory... that sort of thing (i.e she remembers and focuses on the things that prove her beliefs, and discards or ignores the things that oppose them. Rather than taking all the information to make a realistic whole.)
> 
> It pretty obvious to US, that she’s conveniently skipping over information. E.g she says things like ‘you don’t think I’m beautiful’ to Mon-El, even though he HAS been pretty honest about thinking she’s gorgeous. She doesn’t believe it, and so continues to put weight behind someone else saying it, but absolutely none behind HIM saying it. This sort of thing is actually common for those with distorted thinking patterns and self-image. These aren’t plot holes, in case you’re wondering if Kara’s got a bad memory or if I do. She’s just being a little shit (lol) … but she has every reason to be one. She’s skipping over information and concentrating on the things that line up with what she believes. Like lots of us who will concentrate on negatives and discard compliments. Etc. 
> 
> There's actually a lot of other psychological stuff I can’t explain in the notes. Things that are just too much to even attempt to cover. I hope they are there. And if you know psych, things like cognitive dissonance will be nice and easy to spot. Sorry about the chapter. I'm all about the chaotic nonsense. Xo


	54. Hope.

 

 

The tears just wouldn’t stop. Why wouldn’t they stop?! Kara had crawled under one of the citrus trees to sit on the grass, wrestling with herself. She should just leave. It would be better for him. For Mon-El. But. He didn’t want her to? He said he didn’t want her to. But she couldn’t stay. Not after overstaying her welcome. Not after screaming at him to go to hell. Not after constantly pissing him off, or yelling at him, or being an emotional fucking wreck. Even if he wanted her to stay. She didn’t  _deserve_  to stay. To continue making him put up with her chaotic bullshit and mood swings and apparently, distasteful behaviours. 

But she was terrified. She’d never been on her own. She’d never  _survive_  on her own. Where WOULD she go? She had no one. Absolutely no one. 

Still. They spent more time fighting than getting along. Didn’t they? Was that… her fault? It was. It was always her fault. Especially now that she didn’t keep her mouth shut. She’d never been able to express emotions before. And the moment she started. Fucking hell, she couldn’t stop if she tried. The dam had broken with a roaring crash, leaving no way for her to contain the newfound freedoms to shout at him, or yell or bite back or… or even cry. She never cried. She wasn’t ALLOWED to cry. 

Her internal struggle just kept jerking her in different directions. She was terrified of leaving. Of not being here, with… with him. He kept her safe. He cared about her. RAO,  _HE DID. He actually cared about her._

Kara sobbed, far enough away from the house that he wouldn’t hear. It didn’t make any sense. Her LIFE didn’t make any sense. She hated herself. Surely it was only a matter of time before he hated her as well. She’d seen it. The way he was so upset. 

But he was upset because… because he was jealous? Of her…being with someone that wasn’t him? That. That couldn’t. NO. Her master got jealous, too. He was possessive and clung to her like some prize to show off. He loved making other people know she was HIS. That didn’t mean what she thought it might mean... Mon-El being jealous didn’t mean he… ugh. 

Kara buried her head in her hands, making an effort not to tear her fucking hair out. She let herself cry and battle and ache until she wasn’t sure if she was a tangle of twisted knots, or just ready to crawl into a hole.

She cried and blubbered her way through too many emotions to count, until she was finally calm again. 

There was something strangely refreshing about finally, after so much time, being able to just express. She rested her head on her knees. Her mind was clearer. Maybe. Without the bottled up tempest of emotions. But she still needed to work out what the hell she was going to do about... about the living situation. About  _Mon-El._

She noticed movement in her periphery, blinking rapidly to make sense of what she was seeing. It couldn’t be true, but after a few more seconds, Kara recognized it was in fact, her little butterfly friend.

“Hope! I… I never thought I’d… see you again.” She wiped her nose with a sniffle, looking up better to see the small, white butterfly that landed on a rock near her feet. 

“Hi, Kara.”

“You... I didn’t think... you’d survive.” Kara tried to string her words together. Struggling a bit. Her voice was still a bit hoarse from all the crying.

“You underestimate me, dear one.”

“What about when the snow comes again? Will you… will you be okay? I was worried about you.” 

“I always survive, Kara. That’s what I do.”

“Oh….” Kara pulled her brows together, not sure how the most delicate of creatures could be so confident in its ability to survive through a harsh winter. She played with the ring on her index finger, chewing on her lip.

“But what about you? What’s troubling you, sweetheart?”

Oh my Rao. That’s. That’s exactly how  _he_  said it. “You sound like him.”

“Who?”

“M… Mon-El.” It shouldn’t have been that hard to say his name out loud, causing Kara to cough in the hopes she would regain her ability to speak properly.

“Ah, the one who cares for you.”

“He doesn’t.”

“Oh. Does he not? When I last saw you, you had bruises and wounds. They seem to be long gone? It appears you are looking a lot stronger, too.” The small creature fluttered up to land on Kara’s shoulder, and she stayed absolutely still. But… it was true. She had filled out a little. Maybe even gained some muscle. It had been a long time since she had any bruises gracing her pale skin. 

“What. No…. That’s... It’s just… he’s nice to me.”

“Why is it so hard to admit it to yourself?” 

Kara wiped another tear away with her thumb, one that had escaped while she was unawares. 

“He said. He said. Lots of things. He says lots of things.  _I_  say lots of things. That I don’t mean. It… he could be… not telling the truth.”

“You  _do_  say lots of things you don’t mean. That’s true.” Hope muttered.

“See?”

“But your actions give you away.”

“Oh?”

“And his actions give him away, too.”

“What actions?”

“Oh, I dunno… other than that he’s trying his darned hardest to make sure you are fed, clothed, loved…”

“He never said anything about love.”

“Right. My mistake.”

Kara played with a stick, drawing in the dirt as silence fell over the two of them. Making squiggles and little scribbles, she eventually huffed and threw it back down to the grass. 

“You think… he… he...”

“No, I don’t.” Hope moved back to her rock, flitting down in front of Kara’s feet again. 

“Oh. But you said. I just thought...”

“ _You_  think he does.”

Kara blinked. What? “I do  _not!_ ”

“Perhaps. But a small part of you, a very tiny part, thinks at very least, that he has been thoughtful, gentle, and loving in his care for you.”

“He’s just being nice to me.” Kara could feel the heat rising to her cheeks, betraying her efforts to not leave her feelings out in the open to be seen.

“You use that word a lot Kara. Have you noticed? ‘ _Nice.’_  There seems to be a bit more weight to that word than you are prepared to admit.”

“Maybe. But you’re just… all in my head anyway.” She shrugged. Was she really arguing with Hope? Gods she was ridiculous.

"You can deny it all you like. He’s never been anything but good to you.”

“I’m not denying that.”

“Right. Again, my mistake.”

Kara tugged her sweater down over her knees, stretching it. It would damage it. But it was… comfortable. She bit her lip and chewed on it for a while, and maybe she was waiting for the little creature in front of her to talk some more, but she didn’t, just fluttered her pale wings every few seconds. 

“Hope?”

“Yes, Kara?”

“Why did you come back?”

“I didn’t, Kara. You came back."

“What? To where?”

“Right here.”

“You’re not… you’re not making any sense.”

"This place. You came back.”

“I’ve never even sat here before, what are you talking abou…. Did you just sigh? Can garden creatures even do that?”

“Kara. Stop.”

“Stop what.”

“Pushing me away. I’m happy to leave again, if that’s what you want. I can already feel it.”

“That’s not what I want! I want you here. Please don’t leave me! I didn’t know you could feel that. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t do anything!”

“Sweetheart, Shhhh. It’s alright. You’re alright.”

“Rao, you sound like him again.” Was she losing her mind? Yes, solid yes. She was going nuts. Absolutely bonkers. 

Hope came up close again, settling herself on Kara’s knee. 

“What is my name?”

“Hope. You told me your name was Hope.”

“Why am I here?”

“I don’t know. To be a pain in my arse?”

“What is my  _name,_  Kara?”

“Hope.”

“Say it one more time, just to get it through your thick skull.”

“Hey!”

“What is my name?”

“Hope."

“Correct. And I won’t be far away. So long as you want me around.”

Before Kara had a chance to say her goodbyes, the insect lifted itself from her sweater and began to float away. She watched intently, but Hope didn’t leave her line of vision for long. After a few minutes she caught a glimpse. And then another. 

She might have gone to wander about the garden. But Hope wasn’t too far away. 

 

*

 

Lena rolled over in bed, feeling every last muscle ache and send spikes down to her toes. She had finally managed to charge her stupid phone, ripping it from the cord towards her to see what the hell the time was.

FUCK. She had been out ALL day. 

Bloody hell, and she had 16 missed calls.  _Sixteen._  Frick.

Scrolling through, most of them were work, no surprises there. And then, a shitload from Mike, all pretty early in the morning, too... Oh, thank the gods, at least he had noticed she wasn’t at his place for the Masquerade. If she didn’t manage to get away from the sick little nutcase working with Frost, at least Mike had noticed she had skipped out on the party. At least SOMEONE seemed to give a shit. 

_“Hello Lena, this is Noah. I’m not sure if you remember me, but I’ve been trying to get a meeting with you for a number of weeks now. I haven’t heard back. Just wanted to contact you in person and see if there is any possibility that–“_

Ugh. Fuck that. Lena pressed the next button, continuing with her voice messages.

_“Good afternoon, This is a reminder from Stargate Industries that your invoice for last month has not yet been paid. Please see to it that–“_

Ugh. Again, fuck that. That was a job for someone else to deal with.

_“Hey hun! Me and Nyssa are in town! Didn’t catch ya at the Gand’s place tonight?! Call us, bitch, we need to have wines. Love you!”_

Sara fucking Lance! Hell yes. Absolutely yes. Lena made a mental note to call Sara – who she hadn’t seen in flipping EONS – and actually have a proper catch-up. Ugh, work was killer, what even was a social life? How long would they even be in town? They could have caught up today, if she hadn’t spent the entire day in bed recovering.

_“Lena, answer your phone, woman!”_

Oh for fuck’s sake, Michael. Lena rolled her eyes and didn’t even bother listening to the rest of his voice messages. She could call Sara in a sec, but for now, she’d better call Mike and at least let him know she was alright. She got up and stomped her way into the kitchen, rubbing her side where it felt like someone had stabbed her. Coffee. Definitely time for coffee.

He answered on the first ring, sounding like a wounded pup. “Hey, Lena.”

“Hey, you...”

“What do you want?” He muttered 

“Bloody hell, moody this afternoon, are we? You called  _me._  Or were those 9 missed calls from you just drunk Mike being a dickhead again?”

“Fuck. Yeah, I forgot about that, yeah. Sorry. It was. It was just about Kara. But it. It doesn’t matter.”

OH. Ooohhhh.  _Of course_  it was about Kara. All those missed called had nothing to do with her drowning in a metal sink 40 miles from his place. Absolutely nothing to do with her wellbeing what-so-ever. 

“You didn’t even notice – did you, Mike.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Stop calling me about Kara. I don’t give a shit.” She hung up and tossed her phone on the counter, rolling her eyes. Every man for themselves around here. Arsehole. 

“Sorr–“ Mike was cut off by the dial tone, left to stare at his hand and the screen. Gods. Alright then. He rubbed his brow. That was a little weird. Still, did all women hate him today?

**_< <<< INCOMING CALL: ROULETTE >>>>>_ **

Oh, for  _FUCKS SAKE!_  Mon-El looked through the ceiling, pretending he could see his gods and gave them the finger. Rolling his eyes, Mon-El took a deep breath before of course, he answered his phone again. 

“Good afternoon."

"Michael Gand.” There was a slight bitterness in the woman’s tone on the other line, but Mon-El ignored it, preferring to be polite to clients. It was ingrained. He was a slave to the customer… lest their dollars fall elsewhere.

“Roulette. Nice of you to be in touch. How is the Sun Diamond enjoying her new home?” Mon-El buttered her up a little bit, knowing she would be more than pleased with his work, even if she wasn’t a fan of him as a person. 

“I must say she adds a rather distinct elegance to my collection.” 

She seemed to drape her silken voice over her utter displeasure at dealing with a male, (gosh, of all things…) and well, that was probably as close to a thank you as he was going to get. Mon-El shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “Rhea had not informed me you would be requiring my services. What can I do for you today?” As if it wasn’t obvious. There was only one reason The Dragon put up with him, and that was his ability to deliver. No doubt, she had her eye on another little something for her… ‘collection'.

“Yes, your mother seems too busy to take my calls. I had to lower my standards a little and contact someone further down the chain. However, since you’ve proven yourself, how about I just send through the details to that lovely assistant of yours and you bring me what I need.”

Ah, there it was. The sharp tongue. He could imagine little smoke rings coming from her mouth as she talked, a small smile sliding up his face. It should have offended him really, but it was always nice to feel someone cave, purely because he was just  _that good_. As much as Roulette wanted nothing to do with him, her disguise did little to mask what her actions admitted — that he was good enough to force her to suck it up and make do. He cleared his throat, just in case any lingering amusement made it through the line and put her off. 

"I assume the deposit has already reached my account then? I’d be happy to get started on that for you."

“Of course. The other half will be paid on delivery. I will be round later in the week to pick it up from Daxam. I expect it to be there when I arrive.”

Oh, fuck her. Informing him of a job this close to the deadline was hardly respectful to his niche. And it was a Sunday, even. He knew she called on PURPOSE on his day off. He never worked Sundays.

Mon-El rolled his eyes. “Of course. Anything for The Dragon.” 

“Good day, Michael. Say hello to your mother for me when she finally decides to show some respect to her clients.”

“I’ll tell her you called.” He ended the call and pulled up Daxam's servers on his tablet, leaning over for his glass of water while scrolling through his employees. He scrolled through the lists of names, surprised that nearly ALL of his teams were marked as ‘on assignment’ or ‘off-site.’ Seriously? He was away one week and everyone was busy? Did he miss something? Flipping heck. Well, at least the business still ran like a well-oiled machine even without his presence. He immediately received and email from Eve, who was apparently smart enough to set up an auto-forward system for certain clients. She knew that any unnecessary emails from Roulette would always go straight to him anyway, and using a middleman was just a way for Roulette to spite him, trying not to deal with him directly unless she had to. 

Bringing up the request, the email wasn’t particularly thorough, but Mon-El knew well enough what the Moon Fortress was. The attached image was a dead giveaway.

The only remaining names left green for available back up showed people Mon-El didn't particularly want to work with. Or even  _look at_ , as he immediately shut off his connection to their secure server. There was no way he was taking Andrew with him just to get an heirloom piece from someone's private home. Whatever. He could just go himself. 

 

*

 

Mon-El put away his rough draft after working on it for over an hour, having scoped out the Sampson household for Roulette's order. He then brought up the last week's records of The Red Sun. Everything for the week had already been processed, and Mon-El could see that his father had already taken care of signing off each delivery. The drugs side of things was more Lar’s cup of tea than anything else — being the main financial aspect of the business. It was no surprise then, that the monthly reports had already been sent to his father, and all payments cleared in everyone's accounts. His parents really  _had_  given him the week off. He was fully prepared to spend at least a bit of time sorting what he had missed while taking a bit of leave, getting it all ready for Monday so that it didn't hit him in a rush once he got back to work. But there really wasn’t a heck of a lot on his plate — leaving Mon-El to guess that Rhea had been so flipping busy with whatever the heck she’d been doing with Astra and Non, that she’d forgotten to set him any major assignments for the next quarter. No doubt she would dump it all on him last minute, like everyone else around here. Ugh.

Looking up, Mon-El had come to recognize the sound of Kara’s feet stopping quietly outside his study door, not willing to enter. Perhaps she was trying to build up the courage to knock. Or perhaps she knew that he would hear her and was just waiting for him to acknowledge her presence. He wasn’t sure they were on the best terms, so he called out politely. 

“You can come in, you know…” He called across the room, not really wanting to get up and walk all the way over to the door. She opened it and slipped in quietly, taking a few timid steps before stopping in the library, not coming any closer. He sighed. “Kara, the ‘not allowed in my study’ rule doesn’t apply to you. Not anymore. Okay? I trust you. You are welcome to come in when I’m working if you’d like to.”

She fiddled with her hands, contemplating whether or not to take a few more steps towards him.“Was that… someone important?”

“Usually is. Why do you ask?”

“You just… I thought you wouldn’t be working today. You never… I’ve never seen you work on a Sunday.”

“I uhm... needed something to keep busy. But I’m basically done. Everything okay?” He watched Kara shuffled about, rocking forward on her heels and then back again, apparently keeping a safe distance and holding her ground.

"Are you still mad at me?”

“What?”

“Upset. With me.”

He sighed again, and maybe it was time for a drink and then bed – it was getting late. “You said you needed some time. I thought I’d… keep myself… occupied. While you figured things out.”

“So you are?”

“No, Kara. I’m not upset with you. I’m sorry I went off. I’m tired and feel a little bit stung, that’s all. I meant what I said, okay? About... about how much I care about you. I’m not great with feelings. But it’s hard to stay upset with you very long…” He let a small, awkward smile appear, dropping his head to the side while he searched for her eyes. “Still thinking, huh?”

She snapped her gaze up, caught in the middle of a dazed turmoil of thoughts that were leading her astray.

“Yeah. Uhm. If that’s okay.” She shrugged and played with the ends of her sweater, still standing a fair distance away from him.

“Of course.” He picked up his tablet again, though it was more to distract himself and let Kara be on her way, rather than actually doing anything productive. To his surprise, she wandered over to investigate was he was doing instead. 

“What's the job? More people to kill?”

Mon-El couldn’t help the way she said it so nonchalantly, as if he LIKED killing people as a job. She had her eyes turned to him in a serious, yet saddened sort of way. Like she understood it was a part of him... but didn’t want it to be.

“Not this time. Just a pretty necklace to steal. Nothing much.” He shrugged, but she seemed relieved, the way her shoulders sank.

“If you have so much money. Why do you steal things?”

“Uhm. There's kind of a reason we are rich.”

“Because you don’t spend anything when you don’t have to. Makes sense.” Kara shrugged.

“We’d probably make a small profit if we were to buy and resell on to interested parties... but yes. Besides, a lot of the things that people in high places want… aren’t for sale.”

“Is it special. The necklace?”

“Heirloom.”

“So it has meaning to someone.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“And you would just take it? From someone's family?” Her brows pulled together, and Mon-El felt sorry for her all over again. She clearly loved and cherished her family, or at least, her memories of them. She probably thought him disgusting for taking a sentimental artifact away from someone else’s. He’d never really thought like that. His family wasn’t exactly sentimental.

“It’s my job to.”

“That doesn’t really make it any better.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Kara sighed. “I’ve just… never really… understood. Why your job is so important to you. You know? If you… don’t really like it?"

"I don’t mind it."

"But you don’t exactly like it?"

"It’s complicated, Kara."

"I’m sorry." 

"Don’t be. I like that you challenge me. Some of these things – I guess… I never really think about them." 

"Can you show me?" She moved to him and sat down in his lap. Apparently a habit she didn’t really notice she had. For someone that wanted time and space, she was hella confusing.

"Huh?"

"The necklace. It must be pretty impressive if someone as important as you is stealing it."

She was looking up at him, and he forgot why in the world he had ever wanted to be near anyone else, with those azure eyes cutting down into his soul. "I’m not that important,” he muttered, barely able to get the words out.

"You think I don’t pay attention." 

“To… to what?” Gods, she was distracting. Did she know how distracting she was? Lena would have a field day teaching this girl how to mislead targets and divert their attentions. His mind was going near blank. He snapped out of it the moment she pulled her brows together, doing that crinkle thing again. 

“Michael seems to be more important than you let on…" 

“Who’s Michael?” He grinned, a smug tilt sliding up his face.

She shoved him. “Just show me. I wanna see. You said it was pretty."

“Right. Right uhm… hold on a sec.” Mon-El brought up the email from Roulette again, scrolling down to the attachment and opening the image of the necklace known in criminal circles as The Moon Fortress. It apparently had made its way down through a family that had kept it through generations, an archaeological find from Egypt. It belonged in a museum, really, not with a family. But somehow they owned it, and it was probably, by best guess, a piece from Egyptian royalty. 

“It’s not  _thattt_  pretty.”

“If I told you it belonged to an Egyptian queen before modern humanity as you know even existed, would you even be impressed?”

“Maybe a little. But I like blue.”

“And it’s red? That’s why you don’t like it. Because it's the wrong colour…” Mon-El couldn’t help but chuckle. She just honestly couldn't give a shit who owned it or how much it was worth. Because it wasn’t her colour.

“Yeah.”

“Remind me to never bother spending mega dollars on any of your gifts.” 

When she was his girlfriend, and he was allowed to buy her necklaces... Not that that would happen. He shouldn’t think those sorts of things. But he’d grown a little hopeful and probably comfortable with the way she seemed to be okay with him again, after spending her entire evening outside ‘thinking’. They’d both calmed down. And maybe if he just communicated with her properly rather than assuming things, they might even get along.

“I don’t care about money.”

“Yes, I can see that.”

“Or status.”

“I know that, too.” He closed the email and shut off his tablet, putting it down to look at her. “And I’d like to know you even better. If that’s… if that’s okay with you.”

She looked down at her sleeves again, pulling them down over her hands while she talked. 

“Did you ...mean what you said?”

“Which bit, Kara?”

“The.. the bit about. Do you. Uhm… Do you really… actually… like me?”

“Maybe even  _like_  like you.” He attempted a small smile, trying his best to stay calm. It was all out in the open now, and really, what did he have to lose? Either way, he had to face that she would either stay, or leave. As terrified as he was, there was no point hiding it anymore. He smiled a little bit though he suddenly felt like a nervous wreck and lightly scratched his cheek, looking to her for a reaction.

"We aren’t in school, Mon-El.” She almost cracked a smile, remembering that particular conversation they had once had, looking back up at him.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“Huh?”

Mon-El fell silent as she turned in his lap to face him properly, waiting for him to answer. Instead, he let his hand come up to cup her cheek, his thumb gliding across her skin. Her breath hitched in her throat when his eyes flickered down to her lips. 

He moved forward gently, slow enough for time to stop. Giving her plenty of time to pull back if she wanted to, Mon-El drew forward to press his lips softly to her own. It was incredibly gentle, nothing like what she was used to, before he seemed to ask permission to stay a while longer. She granted it, lifting a hand from his shoulder to slide up through his hair and hold their lips together, allowing just a few more moments of bliss to pass, before he pulled back, tentatively resting his forehead on hers. 

He didn’t even open his eyes as he whispered to her lips, hushed and gentle. “Did that tell you what you wanted to know?” 

He just waited for her answer, still leaning into her touch. Kara merely nodded lightly against his cheek, afraid her voice would be too weak to form actual words. 

“You’re special, Kara. I just hope one day you’ll see it too.”

 

*

 

She took a shower in his room, leaving Mon-El in his study to finish off his work. They’d agreed to talk more. To talk properly, and be honest with one another. And she’d agreed to stay.

It was a relief really, that she didn’t have to leave. And she even found her shampoo had magically become full again, Mon-El had replaced it, and left it in HIS shower. The one he’d been so dead set on not wanting her to use until today. 

The colours from their… well.. night… fell off her arm with a bit of soap and hot water, and for the first time in a while, she wasn’t completely panicking about what tomorrow would bring. She always got anxious in the evenings, whether by habit of years with her master, or the fact that she’d previously felt like every day here might be her last. But he didn’t want her to leave. He said she could, whenever she wanted. She didn’t HAVE to stay here. But she wanted to stay. And he wanted her to stay too. 

And really, with a shower this hot and delicious, and someone who bought her favourite shampoo without even asking, why the hell would she even WANT to leave?

Kara turned the hot water off and wrapped up in a towel, before she dragged herself back to her room, feeling lighter than ever and dressing for bed. There was a hot cup of tea on her bedside table, steam still coming off it, next to a new book and post it note. 

“Thought you might like this one too. It’s the sequel.”

Peeling the yellow sticky note off revealed the cover and title –  _Alice in Wonderland: Through the looking glass._

Kara took a sip of tea and nearly laughed. It was dragon pearl jasmine. The one Mon-El had run out of. Or apparently, not. 

_Would it always be like this with him?_

 

_**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Moon Fortress is a fic by my friend and I did ask her permission to use the name for this. It was kind of a wink to her cs I miss her. xx. Thanks to my beta @maybetomorrow for your stellar edits and support.


	55. Demonstration.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhea shows off her secret work to Non and Astra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is a shit filler chapter. Sorry, but you need the info. Had to write it. I'll try get you a decent chapter to make up for this sooner rather than later. Oh, and this one has not had my beta look over it. So it's extra shit. (She has helped me with 160k so far though so she's allowed a chapter off I think.) P.s this takes place at the same time as the last chapter. This is what was happening for Rhea during that whole thing. Sorry I really should have run them together with scene splits to keep the timeline happy. Lol. ANYWAYYYY... on with the show... 
> 
> -

“Do you think he’s sweet on her?” One of Rhea’s men continued to talk while stirring his coffee, moving to sit down next to his colleague.

“…Who?”

“The Kira girl.”

“ _Who?_ ”

“Keep up, man. The blonde girl.”

“Oh, you mean his plus one last night?”

“Yeah. Usually he’s got plus three.”

“True that… Michael's got a way with the women.”

“Heard through the grapevine she’s his new girl.”

“And? This isn’t news. Michael doesn’t keep his girls around longer than a night or two.”

“Yeah, usually.. but uhh...Andrew asked her out.”

“Gods, is he trying to get his head knocked off his shoulders?”

“Well, probably. But apparently she turned him down. Caus’ she’s with Mike.”

“They all think that. Until he drops the clingy ones that don’t understand what ‘no strings attached’ means. Andrew was just too early. Give it a week. Maybe two.”

“You reckon?”

“Yeah, I reckon. Why, you sweet on her or something?”

“No no… but you saw her right? Thought you liked your blondes?”

“Well, yeah... but she seemed too… I dunno. Not my vibe.” He shrugged.

“Ahhh… I see. There’s only one blonde in particular you’re after. Give it up man! Sara would never go for you. You’ve been pining over her for what… years? Let it go, sheesh! At least this new one will be all heartbroken and mopey when Mike dumps her. Easy pickings.”

“Hey, Sara might go for me. She’s bi too, so you never know, maybe I can just hook up with the both of them.”

“Fuck off! She’s so far out of your league she’s basically from another dimension. You’re fucking nuts if you think there’s even the slightest chance of that happening.”

“Alright, cool it. Don’t see you getting into Lena’s pants, so shut the fuck up.”

“I’m not into Lena!”

“Hot. Smart. Could slit your throat before you even blink. You are so into her.”

“Fuck offfff.”

“Maybe you can impress her with this new assignment from Rhea. Get in the good books.”

“Bro, what the fuck anyway? She should have been at the Gand’s last night. And she’s down near Halewood?”

“Mysterious. Just what you like in your women.”

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright. I’ll stop giving you shit about Sara. And you shut your trap about Lena.”

“Deal.”

“...I just had a great idea.”

“No. Big no. Don’t even go there.”

“But it’s a great idea!”

Rhea stomped in interrupting their chat, finally grabbing their attention. “You two, come with me. The demonstration is about to begin.” She clasped her hands together smiling, seemingly very pleased. They were forced to ditch their half-finished coffees in the upper lounge and follow their boss, and had no idea they were lambs being led to the slaughter.

“Demonstration?” One of them asked.

“Yes. A rather large project I’ve been working on. Come along, now. Don’t keep my clients waiting.” Rhea guided the two men through the hall, leading to where her business partners were already patiently waiting.

“Excuse me, Rhea. May we ask what this place is?” One of them spoke.

“It’s one of the Gand’s best-kept secrets. Impressive, isn’t it?”

“Indeed it is.” The man’s eyes wandered to the smooth metallic plating lining the walls, making it almost look like a spaceship of some kind. It was modern, state of the art, and almost sculptural in its architecture – the way the hallways curved and sloped at strange angles.

“Here we are.” Rhea showed them in and shut the door, before a large male stepped in front of it – blocking the exit should anyone wish to leave during the… demonstration.

“Let us begin.”

 

*

 

Non and Astra watched in awe as Rhea showed off her 9 successful test subjects. They were sparing in pairs, the odd one out still standing at attention in front of the metallic door as a guard. The men did exactly as instructed, when instructed, with flawless ease and control. It was almost as if they were advanced AI, fully programmed to do exactly as Rhea wished. 

Running a series of tests, they answered questions as if pre-programmed, about everything from general knowledge to values to best fighting technique. The performed stunts as requested. Showed off their physical prowess and skills with weaponry, while a few others that were more brains than brawn, hacked into the FBI to show how easy it was for them to do. They were soldiers at the ready, eager to please, yet without showing any emotion. Anyone not taking part in certain areas simply stood neatly to the side, watching and waiting for instruction.

Astra wandered up to one of the unoccupied test subjects, before asking him directly what his purpose was. The only answer she was given was straight to the point – cold, and sterile. “To serve.” He nodded politely to Astra, almost a small bow.

“That’s it?” She questioned. “Do you think for yourself?”

“Of course. A soldier without intelligence is hardly an asset to anyone.”

“Yet you obey instructions to the very letter. Interesting.”

“It is a great honour to serve the House of Gand.”

“Do you know who I am?”

“I do not.”

Non stepped forward then, cutting in and deciding it was time to play with the new toys. “Will they answer to me?” He directed the question at Rhea, though he was eyeing up one particular male who he’d definably seen before at a weapons demonstration in Mexico… he was from Luthor-Corp. Weapons specialist. The Luthors were in on this too?

“Only subjects I have programmed to will. At the moment, for the purposes of this demonstration, you have one. By the end of today, should you wish it, you would be able to purchase another. More in the future, of course.” She nodded to the two restrained with tape over their mouths at the edge of the room, eyes wide and not really sure what to make of the situation they’d found themselves in.

“I assume they are to show a little before and after demonstration?” Astra rejoined them, looking over at the two restrained men. “They don’t look too happy about that…”

“They screwed up a job last night. Don’t worry, after the treatment they’ll lose their knack for failure. And the fear. In fact, they’ll be thankful for being given such valuable purpose.”

“And which one is mine?” Non interrupted, rather keen to test out just how effective Rhea’s work was. Enough ladies chit chat.

“Yes of course.” Rhea smiled politely and instructed everyone in the room to halt. “Enough!” When they turned to attention, she asked for Non and Astra’s test subject to show himself. “Delta-6. Step forward please.”

A man of about Non’s height strode forward from the other men and rested his hands neatly behind his back, attentively looking to Rhea for instruction.

“I’d like you to meet Non.” She lifted her hand politely and moved aside, to allow introductions to take place.

“Non. Environmentalist. Co-Owner of In-Ze Technologies. Best known for using power and finance to manipulate political agendas, and among the top international research analysts for sustainability. The developer of Phantom. Husband to Astra. It is an honour and a privilege.” He nodded curtly before extending a hand to shake.

Non reached out to grip the hand of his newest… _employee_. “You know about Phantom?” He enquired.

“Rhea thought it paramount that we understand your company and values in full, to best serve you.”

“Interesting. I’d like to know just how much you have been told. But first, my beautiful wife, Astra."

“Of course. Co-Owner of In-Ze Technologies. Healer of the Earth.”

“Excuse me? Healer of the Earth?” She raised her brows. Not quite the introduction she was expecting.

“It seemed... fitting. That is your endgame, is it not?”

“Well, yes it is… But... I did not expect you to come with such intimate knowledge of our goals. You're not even supposed to know about Phantom….” Astra scowled, looking at her husband for an answer. Had he told Rhea?

The older woman cut in then, smoothing things over. “My apologies. I meant no offense to either of you by including private information. But as you know, my reach is… quite far. I wanted your first… _employee._.. to be as skilled and as knowledgeable as possible, show you just how loyal and brilliant they can be. Besides, these men are my best-kept secret. Now _our_ secret. I’m sure these things can stay between allied partners.” She turned to the male at their side and dismissed him, allowing her and her clients to cross the room towards the door and speak more privately.

“Can they not learn sensitive information _after_ the programming?” Astra scowled, biting her tongue to keep from saying more. She wanted to challenge Rhea. See if there were any flaws in these… ‘test subjects’.

“Of course. Core values, however, are a key part of developing the subject's sense of purpose, and willingness towards your ultimate goals. Phantom is of significant importance to the both of you and must be protected at all costs. Delta-6 here, can learn all about the inner workings of In-Ze Technologies with that key knowledge in mind.”

“A core driving force.” Non stated simply.

Rhea smiled. “Indeed. Plus, I didn’t think you’d be very impressed with a blank slate…”

Astra joined her hand with her husbands subtly, making a show of power that the two of them were a united front. She suddenly felt threatened by Rhea's accumulation of confidential information. “I wasn’t aware you paid much attention to our company, Rhea. I’m flattered you think so highly of us to put all this effort in...”

“My clients deserve the courtesy of my time and talents. Such is business.” She replied.

Astra looked over to male that had rejoined the others and seemed like a soldier retaking his place among military men. They would be so useful for the plans In-Ze Technologies had in mind. Utterly brilliant in fact. And well worth the investment. Still, she had to try sweeten the deal somehow.

“And what liabilities do these… men… pose. To my company. _Our_ company.”

“None.”

“How can you be so sure? That’s a rather bold statement.”

“10 years of research, tests, trials, and re-trials. You are looking at the result of some very _very_ hard and expensive work."

“They will not come cheap then…” Non rolled his eyes. He had deep pockets. What, with Astra’s diamond habit and love of the Mediterranean. Not to mention their own investments and research expenses for In-Ze Technologies. Still, with such a viable option for an international team of law enforcement, under the command of himself and his wife… well… it was a priceless opportunity really. The world had finally succumbed to the flaws of humanity. War. Overpopulation. Greed. There was no harmony as world leaders bickered and warred against each other. The only way to govern properly and stop the earth from completely destroying itself, would be to do the impossible, and set in motion a flawless way to enforce law. He'd pay what he had to.

“Lar will be joining us to handle negotiations." Rhea spoke "I'm sure we can reach a fair price. For now, I might as well show you the live process.” She glanced over at her two little failures still sitting down against the wall. Oh, they would be so much better after treatment.

“You can do that?” Astra’s eyes widened a little. She didn’t really expect Rhea to be giving so much away. Then again, not many people knew about this project it seemed. And she was now bound to this woman, through being her client and the knowledge they now possessed. They’d crossed the event horizon, it seemed. No backing out now...

“Of course. I can’t give everything away, so my apologies for that. You understand this is very sensitive information that you are witnessing here today. And my life's work.”

“Astra will respect your wishes for confidentiality.” Non cut in, and nodded at his wife. They were equals in life and business, but he had already made up his mind. The tensions between Astra and Rhea did not go unnoticed by him, but he saw no reason not to treat Rhea with the respect she deserved. His wife was… passionate… fiery. And at times he needed to use a firmer hand to keep her calm and level-headed. There was no need for bitchiness in the workplace. Not today.

Astra nearly growled at her husband for speaking for her, over ruling her as it were. But she simply smiled instead. “Lead the way…"

 

*

 

The mind is very impressionable, as you can see. With the right drugs, and access to specific parts of the brain we want to alter… well… it’s simply a matter of putting the connections in place that we want. Repetition is easily received by the mind and memory.

“Image associations?” Astra couldn’t believe her eyes.

“You seem surprised.”

“You’ve brainwashed a bunch of men into perfect soldiers with… with _image associations_ …” One, that seemed… well.. impossible. Two. Why the hell hadn’t she thought of that? Why hadn’t Non thought of that?

“Among other things, yes. But I’d prefer not to let all my secrets out. You do understand. This has been years of refinement and trials. Failures. And does not come cheap.”

“Do they retain their memories?” Non enquired.

“Some. It also depends if I want them to. Some subjects it is unnecessary to keep their previous memories.”

“How many could we purchase?"

“That is entirely up to you."

 

*

 

Rhea parked her car just as her husband was walking up the steps to the front door, waiting for her, having arrived moments before she did. The negotiations had gone well, and Astra had seemed to lose interest in playing games of snark and baiting the moment she had realized just how successful this entire project had been. It was late, and time for a nice glass of Bordeaux.

“I think we’d better celebrate, Rhea. What do you say?”

“I was thinking the same thing.”

“I’ve already booked us into a luxury suite in Los Cabos for the rest of the week. We can leave whenever you'd like.”

“You read my mind. A short break as a reward for all our hard work? Sounds fantastic.” She joined her husband as the door opened for them, before they were left to themselves for the night.

“And you can tell me about all _your_ hard work over a cheeseboard. Since it seems I’ve been kept out of the loop for some time...” Lar was polite, though his words did show he felt a little betrayed.

“I apologize for that. But you didn’t need the extra distraction.”

“Oh?”

She sighed, giving in. “And we were on the verge of divorce when I started this project, remember...” She gave him a knowing look, but took his hand as the reached the top of the stairs, making their way towards the master bedroom.

“Well, I must say we have come a long way since then.” He lifted his wife’s hand to place a light kiss to her palm, earning him a small smile from Rhea.

“That we have.”

“I’ve also invited Michael around for breakfast in the morning. We should let him know about the project.”

“Not yet.” She stated firmly.

“Why not?”

“He has enough on his plate. Besides, he’s just had the last week off. Let’s not overwhelm him. He will think it’s punishment for having a good time…” Rhea played her husband yet again. She had to eliminate that stupid girl first. Bring Michael back in and get him under control. In his current state, her son was a weakness. A liability. She wasn’t about to put 10 years of work in danger because he was having some tryst with a girl. It would be the first thing on her to do list after their little getaway. For now, the blonde clearly wasn’t going anywhere. And it was time for a bit of luxury living.

“Alright. Perhaps when we get back.”

“You booked The Krysanthe?”

“Of course. And a tasting at The Orla.”

“Well aren’t you a keeper.”

“Face it, Rhea. We make a grand team.”

“Gand team?”

“Did you… just make a joke?” His eyes widened.

“You’re right. Better leave the jokes to Michael…”

He merely chuckled, before hanging up his jacket. “I’ll just be moment." He needed to fetch them a bottle of something special. "Red or White?”

“Red.”

 

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to my beta who came up with the name In-Ze Technologies for me. She may not have beta-ed this chapter, but she still works her brilliance for me. Thanks @maybetomorrow. Peace. x


	56. Change.

 

_It was late when her master finally arrived home. He walked through the bedroom door, not even greeting her as he dropped his bag down and moved to their shower. She was already dressed for bed, wearing nothing more than a thin white silk that skimmed the top of her thighs and her tracking bracelet. He’d forgotten to take it off after the last time they’d gone out, but Kara had been too afraid to ask her master to remove it, in case such a request made him upset._

_When he finally appeared from the bathroom freshly showered, Kara couldn’t read his expression in the low light of their bedroom. She sat up politely, waiting for him like she always did, and pulled her pony tail out to let her hair hang loose – just how he liked it. He too, was dressed for bed, wearing only his boxer shorts. Walking over in silence, her master threw the comforter back from his side of the bed and slipped under the sheets, and was immediately met with Kara’s hand pressed lightly into his chest drawing herself up close, before he noticed the silver band._

_“Oh, you don’t need that on. Sorry.” He saw the bracelet, as Kara had hoped he would. He promptly took it off, before he leaned over away form her, opening the top drawer of the nightstand to place the item inside. He turned back to find Kara leaning up against him, dragging her thigh over his._

_“Not tonight, Kitten.”_

_She immediately stilled, strangely hurt by his lack of desire for her._

_“...I’ve got an early meeting in the morning. Perhaps tomorrow night.” He gave her a light kiss before nodding to indicate that she should move back to her side of the bed._

_“...Okay.” Kara pulled away and rolled over, tucking herself on her side facing away from him. She felt the weight of the mattress sink down behind her, as her master moved towards her side of the bed. His hands were cold on her stomach when he slid them over the thin silk, causing her to flinch. Apparently, he didn’t even notice, settling down with his calm breathing next to her shoulder._

_“You’ve lost weight again.” His voice rumbled up from his chest against her back, and Kara could tell he was only moments away from rebuking her for not keeping him pleased._

_Shit. Shit shit shit._

_She felt his hand gliding over her hip, noticing how it stuck out a little more than usual. She hadn’t been eating. Not since. Not since… Khan. She was never hungry. She always felt far too disgusting to put food anywhere near her mouth after… after what he did to her. She was hoping her master just wouldn’t notice, or wouldn’t mind the way her weight would sometimes rapidly drop. But he never liked it when she became too thin. He’d told her it was nicer to have her when she was soft and supple against him._

_“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Kara mumbled quietly, closing her eyes. Please, please just let it go. She held her breath, waiting for him to become angered._

_“Is there something wrong with what I provide for you?”_

_Kara heard the way his voice was growing bitter, daring her to answer anything other than as he wanted. “No. No.. not at all. I just… haven’t been.. feeling very well.” Kara spoke quietly next to her pillow, not turning to face him. She was nearly whispering, her voice becoming weaker as the fear inside her expanded to fill the space in her chest._

_“You will eat some more for me though, won’t you, Kitten?”_

_“Yes.” She forced the words out weakly, barely audible, and hoping he wouldn’t notice the way her heart had started to thunder under her ribs._

_“Yes, what?”_

_“Yes, Master.” Kara made an effort to speak the words clearly, needing to placate him._

_“Good.”_

 

_*_

 

_When she awoke in the morning, they’d somehow change positions in the middle of the night so that Kara was wrapped in a soothing embrace, warm and pliant against her master's chest. She felt herself rising and falling with his breathing, draped lightly across him. It could almost even give the illusion that he cared, the way he held her so gently in his sleep. Kara tilted her head up to look at him; how calm he was, the strange, tiny scar on his cheek... his dark fringe falling across his brow. It was almost... nice._

_She settled back down, snuggling into the familiar scent of bourbon and honey, wanting to just stay like this a while longer. He’d never said he cared about her. Never said he loved her. But sometimes, in moments like this, she could almost believe he did – that he wasn’t wholeheartedly cruel._

_Her mind was probably playing tricks on her again. She knew the illusion would fade when he woke. Or the next time he became upset or angry. But she had to make the most of what she had, right? This was it. She had nothing. She would always have nothing._

_Her master stirred, letting an arm soothe around the small of her back and pull her in just a little bit closer, before he lifted his free hand and began to stroke Kara's hair. He remained silent, just running his fingers gently through it for a while._

_His voice rumbled from sleep, though he was especially quiet, like he was trying not to disturb her rest. He almost sounded regretful, needing to get ready for work. “...I gotta get up now, Kitten.”_

_He ran his hand down the length of Kara's hair one last time before he eased her down off of him and moved from their bed, tucking her back in so she would stay warm._

_That morning, he was quiet as he got ready for work, trying not to bump things, shifting carefully... It was strange, though not hugely uncommon. Maybe she just didn’t expect it from him this particular morning, especially after failing to… well… service him last night. Still, she pretended to be asleep until he left, just in case his mood shifted or she actually had to talk to him. She didn’t want to talk to him. He always found a way to make her feel trapped, like she could only answer one way. So she kept her mouth shut. It was just easier. To do what he wanted. He surprised her again by moving quietly to her side, pressing a small kiss to her brow before he left, the warmth of him lingering long after he had gone._

 

_*_

 

_By late morning, Kara still hadn’t eaten anything, and knew she would have to force herself to have something sooner or later. She knew she needed to obey her master. Keep him happy. It was better when he wasn’t upset with her._

_A few more hours, and the large stone at the bottom of her stomach still refused to move. She didn’t flipping want anything! Why was it so hard just to eat?! Ugh. But if she let herself go without food much longer, she would just go the whole day, and then another, and she couldn’t have that. She’d have to make do._

 

*

 

“Are you sure? You’ve… you’ve had two plates of eggs already, Kara.” Mon-El’s brows came together warily as she seemed rather determined to eat his house down. “For the third day in a row, I might add…"

Kara let her feet dangle from the stool at the kitchen counter, sitting in her usual spot for breakfast. “But… they are just... really yum. It’s your fault for making such good breakfast food.” She pushed her plate in his direction to signal that she still wanted more. “Please?” She was always able to eat more when she was in a good mood.

“Honestly, I didn’t think you’d be such a hearty little eater.”

“Mmm. You thought wrong.” She shrugged, reaching over to steal the bacon he had left unguarded on his plate. 

“Don’t you dare.”

“Don’t I dare what?” She grinned as she plopped it in her mouth before he could answer.

“Kara!”

“What?” She hummed as she munched, doing that stupid little smile that was his weakness.

“That’s not fair. I wanted that.”

“And I wanted a pony for my 8th birthday.”

“That’s not the same, and you know it.” He scowled, but she just kept on smiling her stupid, cute little face off. He held her hot cocoa just out of reach, watching her stretch for it. “Did you still want this?”

“Give it.” She held her hand out, waiting for him to stop being a dick and pass it to her. Instead, she watched in horror as he took a sip instead. And then another. And then just kept drinking it as fast as possible in front of her. “MON- _EL!_ ”

“Not so fun, is it?” He chuckled, though he did plan on making her another. 

“Jerk!”

He merely placed another helping of eggs on her plate, cracking some pepper on them before sliding it in her direction with a grin. 

“You were saying?”

“Never mind.” 

Mon-El resorted to cooking himself some more bacon, and making Kara another hot drink before he joined her for breakfast, but not before pulling a few catalogues down from above the fridge where he had been keeping them. “For you. Just… just if you wanted.” Mon-El placed them down next to Kara’s plate while she ate her food, digging into his own.

“What’s this?”

“Uhm. They are… courses. That you could enrol in. If you wanted to. I just know you really like your art, and are talented at it. But perhaps some training and proper study might be good for you? Only if you were interested.”

“Oh." Kara looked at the covers, advertising private institutes that taught fine arts and offered degrees in spacial design.

“What’s spacial design?”

“Uhhh… so like. Designing spaces? To look really nice? It just seemed like it might fit your eye for detail. Like when you walk into a beautiful cafe and it’s flawless and contemporary… or go to a museum or The Sanctuary Gardens. Someone designed those spaces to be beautiful.”

“Isn’t that called interior design?”

“Doesn’t have to be indoors.” He titled his fork at her while he spoke, explaining it a little more. "Depends entirely on the space. But I could get you some information on anything you’d like, really.”

“Spaces. To make them beautiful?”

“Yeah. You like pretty things. The park. Upstairs. My garden….”

“But I’ve… never been to a museum. And I don’t think I can remember spending time in a cafe. I… don’t really go out. I wouldn’t know what it means to design places to be… ‘contemporary’ or whatever.”

“Oh… right.” He took a quick sip of his coffee, trying to ease the bile in his throat that arose when, yet again, he was struck by the fact that Kara had lived a sheltered and misfortunate life. He shouldn’t have forgotten - that was the point of getting her the booklets, after all – giving her opportunities to start new and have something. Something _more_.

Yet out of habit, he explained things in normal terms. Because they _were_ normal. At least to him. Wandering the halls of museums or dining in stunning restaurants. To spend time in a cafe… That was just so normal. To not have that was unimaginable to him. He had at least 6 favourite cafes, and loved to discover new little places hidden away that served good coffee. There was one in particular that made for a great getaway, some of the tables hidden in an upstairs loft, as if drinking coffee in a forest cabin away from the world. He supposed Kara _hadn’t_  really lived a normal life. She hadn’t experienced the small things. 

But he was determined to change that. Now was a good time to start doing something new. She deserved so much better. 

“We should go.”

“Huh?” Kara looked up from her plate quizzically.

 “To visit all the pretty coffee shops. I have plenty to show you. And you don’t have to drink coffee to enjoy a good spot. Maybe we can go to a museum as well.”

“Really?” She stopped eating for a moment to look at Mon-El. He seemed to be serious. Was he being serious? Surely not. 

“Yup. I think it will be good for you. To get out more.”

“But I thought… you know.. that…” She dropped her eyes to her plate, and started shifting food about with her fork, avoiding Mon-El’s gaze.

“It doesn’t have to be in Salvgar. We can go out of town. To be safer.”

“But... what about your work?”

“Someone recently may have pointed out that I place a lot of unnecessary importance on my job.”

“Oh.”

“Maybe, eventually, you could even study in a few of your favourite ones. I find the atmosphere of a cafe can be quite… calming? Just being surrounded by people and background noise as you work.”

“If… if I do study.”

“Yeah. But there's no pressure, Kara. You can do whatever you’d like. These are just things to think about. Obviously you don’t have to. But there are options for you now, you know that, right?”

“Sort of…”

“I just want you to know that you can do anything you want. Experience things. Get tuition if you choose. Maybe even distance learning would work for you better, if being with a whole lot of new people on a campus would be a bit too much?”

“You… you’ve thought about this a lot.”

“Sorry. I guess I have…” He shrugged. They were being honest now. Sure, he wasn’t hugely comfortable giving in and being open. But they’d agreed. 

Kara turned a page and her eyes quickly became wide at the images before her. “Is this _real?_ ”

“Huh? The studios?” Mon-El leaned over to see what exactly had caught her attention.

“Yeah. They are huge. And so…” She trailed off. They were kind of extravagant, to be honest. 

“Alright, I may have gone a bit overboard. That one is a private institute of fine arts… and probably counts as slightly pretentious and extensive.”

“But... it’s real? I’d have access… to an _actual_ art studio… that looked like THAT.” She pointed at one of the pictures in disbelief.

“Well, yeah. And people to mentor you. As far as I can tell, a lot of these places even have darkrooms for developing old school film, and sculpture classes, too. Also life drawing – maybe I could sign up to be a model and make all your classmates blush.”

“Mon-El!”

“What. You don’t think they’d like to draw my figure?”

“I’m sure they would.” She rolled her eyes, feeling the heat in her own cheeks.

“Oh, so it would be YOU blushing.” He grinned and stuck a finger into the side of her cheek where it was turning a dark shade of pink. "That’s why you don’t like the idea.” He teased.

“Don’t,” she warned. He was pushing it with all the jerk-ish behaviour this morning. She wasn’t sure why she was blushing. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen… you know…before. For some reason the thought of drawing him… oh gods. Never mind. 

Mon-El chuckled at her distasteful expression, continuing to eat his breakfast before it got too cold.

Kara managed to polish off the rest of her food, much to his surprise, before she flicked through a few more of the booklets Mon-El had collected for her. 

“It’s expensive.”

“Kara, I’m rich.”

“I know that. But. I don’t want you to… you know...”

“I’m not allowed to pay for you to develop your talents? Because... I want you to be able to do something for yourself. One that you actually enjoy doing.”

“But… it’s not fair. To ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering.”

“I… I just don’t want to feel like…”

“Like I own you.” He clicked, the way she relied on him for everything from her clothes and meals to having a place to stay. Maybe it would be pushing it to pay for some education as well. 

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Yeah. No, I get that.”

“Thank you, though.” She pushed them aside and started drinking her hot cocoa. 

“Maybe… maybe you could still think about it? I know there are plenty of places that offer scholarships for people that are extremely talented.” Mon-El tried to stay hopeful. 

“What’s a scholarship?”

“It means you get in for free.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah. Like, they want to have you as a student. So they provide all the necessary resources to help you succeed."

"Sounds too good to be true.” She muttered.

“Well, you have to work extremely hard. And maintain high grades to keep a scholarship.”

“I’ll… I’ll think about it.”

“Okay, don’t worry if it’s not for you though. We can find something else.”

"What did you study?” She took another sip, watching as Mon-El’s smile faltered.

"I didn't. I was homeschooled. Started working at 13.” He shrugged again, moving his attention his mostly finished breakfast.

Kara’s brows pulled together as she started to contemplate. 13? That seemed a little young to start working. Did that explain is loyalty to his work? Having been there for so long? Or maybe he had worked a different job when he was a teenager and that’s why he was so confident and respected. Surely he hadn’t… been at Daxam when… no...

“You okay?” 

Mon-El’s concerned look pulled her out of her thoughts, so she shook them off. “Sure. Uhm… I’ll do the dishes. Since you cooked breakfast for me these last three days. And since… you need to get to work soon. You’ve been late every morning so far...”

Mon-El checked his watch, only just noticing that somehow the time had totally gotten away from him again. He had nearly been late to work every day so far this week, but he didn’t tell Kara that he might have been driving at three times the speed limit to actually make it on time. Somehow he didn’t think she would approve. Not that he even COULD be late. He was Michael Gand, after all, and the top dog, now that his parents were away. He’d managed to skip out of some silly family thing before they’d taken the jet to who knows where for a small break, leaving him in peace to be the only Gand currently available. He didn’t think much of rank until they’d gone. He always seemed to be at the top, and thought of himself that way. But he was starting to realize just how much more responsibility he had when they were away. And how much his power depleted when they were home…

He should go. The sooner he left for work, the sooner he could finish up Roulette’s plan and get her stupid jewels before she turned up unannounced at Daxam and started asking why he hadn’t gotten them for her yet. But it was so hard to tear himself away in the mornings after spending time with Kara. They’d sort of... taken the next step... when things had calmed down a bit. Kara seemed a lot more comfortable now that they were being open and talking properly. Really communicating, rather than skirting around things. It was amazing how easy it was to express himself now that he wasn’t trying to hide everything.

He wanted to get to know her – really get to know her, now that he felt like he actually could. Things were different now. He and Kara were… actually together. He was still having trouble wrapping his mind around that. It didn’t seem real. 

Kara shoved him when he didn’t start moving. “Seriously, go. I’ll be fine!”

“Fuck.”He got up and started to collect his things, pulling his tablet off the charger and his jacket off the back of a chair. "Yeah, you’re right, I just didn’t realize...” He didn’t really want to ditch her again – she spent a great deal of time by herself while he was meeting with clients or overseeing his employees. “You sure you'll be alright on your own?” 

“Yeah. I’ll call. If I need anything.” Kara nodded.

“Okay, great.” He was about to leave when he turned back to her. "Actually… could you message? It’s just... I have a deadline. And I might not be able to pick up.” 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Kara agreed before dipping her head low, her gaze turning suddenly shy, leaving Mon-El puzzled. 

“What is it?”

“Just uhm… one… one thing…” She bit her lip, a little unsure.

“Hmmm?"

"Uhm… am I… allowed… to uhm…”

His confusion broke out into a smile when he realized what she was trying to ask. Her eyes gave her away when they flicked down to his lips for the briefest of moments and then back up to stare at him. He chuckled. “A goodbye kiss?"

“Yeah…” She shrugged timidly, having been caught out, but she had her lips pressed together in this adorable self-satisfied expression.

“I think my girlfriend is allowed one of those in the mornings...”

Kara rolled her eyes at Mon-El’s dumb grin, but was interrupted by the explosion of butterflies that hit her stomach when his lips connected with hers, and she was pretty sure she nearly fell off her stool, even though it was just a gentle, quick goodbye. Gods. She didn’t know it could be like that. She loved how the new term sounded, rolling off his tongue so effortlessly. Girlfriend. That was so weird!

Mon-El had waited a few days after her... significant outburst... to ask if he was allowed to officially date her. Exclusively. Apparently, he did want to be a one-girl-at-a-time kind of guy... for _her._ It was both strange and exhilarating to hear him say that out loud... asking her to be his... telling her that she was unlike anyone he’d ever met.

And then to hear him call her... his girlfriend. It was terrifying, reminding her that this was real. New, yes. Different, yes. But it was real. 

“Mon-El, You're going to be la--"

He kissed her again just once more for good measure, ignoring the fact that if he would probably be late, and silencing Kara’s reminder. 

"You forget. Michael is more important than he lets on." He winked, before rushing out the door.

“See you soon.” She whispered to the closed door before turning her attention back to the collection of booklets Mon-El had kept for her, drinking her hot chocolate while inspecting the overwhelmingly impressive schools and opportunities for education in all forms of creativity and arts. She suddenly needed a distraction from the rolling waves in her stomach that were both daunting and wonderful. 

 

*

 

Kara couldn’t help but let her mind wander to what it would be like to make art full-time. As a student. And maybe even after. She was watering the plants again, thinking about how gorgeous the different studios looked, as well as classes experimenting with everything from your normal paints to strange mediums like salt and coffee and even lights. She’d never really thought about pursuing anything, much less extending her love for the arts beyond just drawing. But the more she read about it and looked at what others were capable of, the more she found herself fascinated, dazzled by endless forms of imagination. There seemed to be no limit to what people could use to make art. Wood and inks. Light and shadow. Concrete and abstract.

She had to admit, some people's work _was_ just downright weird. She didn’t get it. At _all._ But to think that people could make such beautiful things, just because? It was the dream. 

Still, it wasn’t like she could actually make a living off of art. Creating beautiful things _would_ be amazing. But what use was it, really? It would maybe enrich _her_ life, yes. But then what? What purpose did it serve? Maybe that was something they could teach her, or maybe she would just have to take a different job on the side. She didn’t want to keep burdening Mon-El, even if she was his girlfriend now. She wanted to be better. She didn’t want to have nothing. 

 _Fuck._ Kara realized her thoughts had run away with her and she had poured too much water over one of the plants, liquid flowing out of the bottom and over the saucer to the floor.Idiot.She shrugged and put the glass down, moving calmly to the pantry for the stack of paper towels kept there. She stopped when she reached the pantry, met with bottles of liquor everywhere. She'd forgotten Mon-El kept such a vast array of alcoholic beverages. Still, she was used to seeing him drink them, and he… he didn't hit her when he had a drink or two, so why should it bother her? Despite the logic that there was nothing wrong with Mon-El enjoying to drink, a ping of fear hit her stomach. How much did she really know about Mon-El?

Okay, sure, she was utterly DELIGHTED when he had asked her to be in an actual relationship. But suddenly, the concept seemed strange. Was she...his now? In a way. Would he be possessive? He was very clear when he had asked her out that he didn’t want that. That he wanted to show her what it could be like to really be appreciated for who she was, while still being her own person. He’d taken his time with her, explaining it as best he could. Something about living separate lives, but together. About him supporting her in whatever she wanted to do for _herself,_  and not forcing anything on her. He was so good to her, so it was silly to get distracted by a few (okay, not a few) bottles of liquor.

But what if things would be different now? Or not what she expected? Okay, she didn’t even know what she did expect from a relationship. Her only relationship was with Vik, which was somehow warped in her mind. At one point he was her abductor, a stranger. Another point her caretaker and lover. Another point, seemed much like what a permanent partner would be like. They shared a bed, a life, a home. She was comfortable with him. And then of course, there were the times she just wanted to forget. Times where she wanted to die. 

But it wasn’t a real relationship, according to Mon-El. He said it was abusive and manipulative. So she didn’t know what being in one meant. What even DID she expect from a relationship? Is this even what she really wanted? 

Doubt crept in as she inspected the different levels of liquid, some bottles near empty, and quite a few that were mostly full. But most of them were open. Did he... drink when she wasn't paying attention? Or... or did it not even matter? Why would it matter? Kara shook her thoughts aside, needing to clean up the mess she had made, but the niggling feeling remained. He was good to her. SO good to her. Why should she be worried? GODS, she had so many questions today. It was a feeling she couldn’t define. A strange sense of ambiguity. She didn’t know what to expect. Not anymore. They’d started to try something new. It was just all so new.

Kara moved to mop up the water from the floor, taking her time to make sure the marble floors were clean and dry before she binned everything and went back to what she was doing. She was inefficient when it came to watering the plants, but it took up some of her day and allowed her the opportunity to just think. That’s what she needed right now. With the long days, and so much to learn. She just needed to take her time.

 

*

 

Mon-El rocked up to work 10 minutes late, but he stopped caring about all that. Who was going to call him out and challenge HIM, of all people – and over 10 minutes? It’s not like he had a meeting this morning. So he didn’t really give a shit. Being late to meetings was a big no-no for him, something his mother had been sure to beat into him. He was respectful to clients at all times. But this morning, it was just Roulette, and she wasn’t even here.

It was worth being ‘late' to eat breakfast with Kara and have another proper talk. Things had been going surprisingly well with all of that. She actually talked him now. All he had to do was listen and let himself be vulnerable enough to really engage with her in conversation. He forgot how hard it was for him to do that… hold a real conversation. It wasn’t really something that he’d learned to do. His life had been carved into a set of lacklustre formalities, professional at all times. Never personal. Never any weaknesses or liabilities like feelings or real connections. He couldn’t believe he nearly lost his chance just because he refused to do something as simple as communicate.

Mon-El's lips still tingled slightly, the reminder lingering that Kara actually wanted to be with him. With him, of all people. He wasn’t exactly sure when or how he had plucked up the courage to just bite the bullet and ask her out. And he definitely wasn’t sure all of this was even real. It was a risk he should probably never have taken – deciding to officially ask her to be in a relationship. But he sure as hell wasn’t going to let his one chance at happiness walk out the door without trying. The more time he spent with Kara, the less time he wanted to be apart from her.

“You look happy!” Eve sauntered on in, her pink curls falling around her shoulders.

“I could say the same about you…” He raised his brows. But she was always happy, so he couldn’t really hint at anything.

“Well, you won’t be happy for long. I just got off the phone with The Dragon.” Her smile was gleaming, even though she’d just apparently been talking to one of the most ruthless and disrespectful people he’d ever met.

“She called you?” He wondered aloud.

“Don’t be so glum, some people just like me better than you.” She teased.

“Eve, we are going to need to have a talk about respect if you don’t watch your tongue.” He growled at her, holding his face stern while he watched her submit and cower from him.

“Fuck. Sorry…I’m so sorry, I just…” Eve’s light suddenly went out, extinguished in mere moments as she struggled to reconcile overstepping her bounds. She liked to be playful with Mike. She was sure he was okay with it. But suddenly the fact that a Gand and her employer, staring down at her like he might just take a gun out and shoot her with it. Holy shit…

“Gotcha!” He winked.

“Oh gods, don’t do that!” Her shoulders sank in relief. "Just when I think I’m safe you scare the shit out of me! You seemed okay with it, you know, me being myself, and I thought it might actually be nice for to you to have someone to just be normal wi–"

“–Woah, whoa. Sorry. I only meant to wind you up. You’re fine.” He tried to stop her rambling mess, which was so unlike her. But then again, he did have a reputation, and could crush her playful hints at ‘friendship’ whenever he chose. He didn’t really think she was scared of him, but perhaps she only crossed the line to banter with him because she thought she was allowed to. And the moment he revoked that, she freaked.

“You’re still my boss. And can still be a little scary.” She admitted, struggling to battle against the small spike of adrenaline that had her heart pounding. 

Mon-El watched as Eve played with her hands – the same way Kara did when she was anxious.

"We both know its just about appearances, Eve." He spoke gently, surprising even himself with his honesty. He wasn't supposed to take his mask off at work. "...But don’t tell anyone that. Or you’re fired.” He grinned at her, letting her know it was all okay.

“Your secret's safe with me, Mike.” She smiled, though her slight apprehension remained. Mon-El noticed her light had come back a little, but that colourful sparkle had gone. Fuck. He didn’t mean to do that. Why was everyone so bloody terrified of him?

“So what did Roulette want, anyway?” Mon-El shifted the tension in the room by getting back to the topic of work instead.

“She wants her order tomorrow. At the latest.”

“Well, I was planning on getting it for her tonight, so at least that doesn’t screw me over." He felt his own relief wash over him "I thought for a second you were going to say she wanted it now.” Mon-El rolled his eyes.

“Oh, she did. But I told her that wasn’t possible.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. And she said it was fine.” Eve shrugged, it wasn’t a big deal having to liaise with major clients, even the scary ones. She was used to it, though – if what had just taken place said anything – it did occasionally get to her. But she wouldn't be at this job forever.

“Really? She just let it go… Just like that…” Mon-El was surprised.

Eve tried to get back into her comfortable ease with Mike, her heart rate declining to a more normal pace as she saw that he seemed impressed with her, and still wanted to keep her around. “What can I say? I’m good…” She grinned again, twirling a strand of hair around her fingers while rocking back on her heels.

“What would I do without you?” He smiled.

Eve turned serious again, knowing that was a conversation they still needed to formally have. What was he going to do when she was no longer his assistant? But now wasn’t the time. She was still reeling a little, so instead, she just shrugged. “I’d better let you get on with it then. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Eve.”

“No problem."

 

*

 

Kara continued to think over all the reasons why being with Mon-El wasn’t a bad idea, and shouldn’t scare her, all the while sketching and practicing her drawing. If she wanted a scholarship, she would need to be good. And have a portfolio to prove it. She wasn’t quite skilled enough yet, but she had a stack of booklets to use as examples and guide her now. They often displayed their most talented students' work, with references and explanations as to why the institutions thought each piece was worthy of such admiration. Kara could at least try to get better on her own for a time, just while she thought about if she really wanted to go through with studying or not. 

It seemed too soon. She was still scared of people. A lot. The only thing that made everything okay was Mon-El. 

_Mon-El._

She shouldn’t be scared of him. She wasn’t. Okay, sometimes she still was. But they were together now. And he was gentle. Thoughtful. Supportive of her even when she was distraught or upset. Her moods didn’t seem to be _too_ much of a problem with him. Sometimes they were, but Mon-El tried to make sure she understood he was okay with her just how she was, and just wanted what was best for her. 

And then there was the way he gave her books to read, and would listen intently to her ideas or thoughts, even when she didn’t like the books he cherished. He would ask her questions, since he was _actually listening_ to what she had to say, and sometimes he even challenged her views when he saw differently. It wasn’t that Mon-El didn’t appreciate her way of seeing things, but he would give her some other views to contemplate as well as her own. He was respectful in the way he shared his ideas. She didn’t have to agree with him. He didn’t corner her and make her submit to him, or treat her opinions as less valid. He was genuinely interested in the different ways she might experience something, often because of her lack of prior knowledge or exposure to such things apparently normal people did or thought. 

He would often call something she hated ‘a good and inspiring story.’ But Kara often found the stories she would be given from him to read... helpless. They would always point out the cruelty and frailty of the world. Whereas Mon-El seemed to choose to see the good... The beauty in it. 

And then there were her trainings, which at the moment were non-existent. He hadn’t had time after work, and between a party and a fight and a major 'Kara' tantrum, they hadn’t spent a heck of a lot of time on that. But he obviously still thought about it. He would encourage her to do at least one push-up a day, (and then laugh about it… arsehole). 

But she did do them. Usually just before her stretching. She needed her routines, and so she just added in a few extras that might increase her physical strength. She could do two push-ups in a row now. TWO. Okay, yes, that was fucking pathetic. But she hadn’t been able to do _any_ before. So she would take what she could get. 

Eventually, Kara moved from her art to go sit on the window seat in the sun, staring down at the melted frost over some of the garden. She was too distracted to put the effort in to her art anyway, and had a few things that needed to dry before she could work on them some more. 

Maybe she would go for a walk in the garden later. ...But she sort of wanted to wait for Mon-El to get home before she did that. So that then, maybe it could be something they could do together. They didn’t really do couple things yet. What did couples even do? 

Not much had changed, to be honest. She still stayed in her room and slept in her own bed, and other than getting a goodbye kiss for the first time this morning, it wasn’t a heck of a lot different to what it had been before. He said he was ‘taking things slow.’ And she didn’t really mind that. They talked a lot more, so there was that. But they didn’t even go out on dates. Granted, it had only been two days. Wait.. what? Two days?! It seemed a lot longer in her might. Okay, fine, it had only been literally a few days AND he had work. What exactly was she expecting? Hmm? 

Perhaps it was just because she just had so much TIME on her hands. Mon-El had something to do all day. And she was stuck here thinking about him. Perhaps… perhaps studying could be good for her. She could do something for herself. Just like he said. She was starting to see the value in it. 

Kara's phone buzzed over on the table next to her ink pens, and she had to beat down the sudden elation that swept up in her chest and threatened to drown her. She tried not to contact Mon-El when he was at work – leave him be. She didn’t want to bother him. But he had sent her a text already? Maybe that’s what being in a relations––

Oh.

 

**[Andi]**

_Heya. How's things? Just checking in. Work is boring and slow at the moment. Was just thinking about you. What are you up to?_

 

**[Lady Grey]**

_Hey. Nothing much. Just finishing up some painting._

 

**[Andi]**

_I’d love to see your work sometime. Do you have any exhibitions coming up?_

 

**[Lady Grey]**

_Not at the moment. Sorry. But if I do, I’ll let you know._

 

**[Andi]**

_Cool. Well we are going to hit the town tonight if you wanted to come. Exclusive access to the Legion. Should be a killer night if you wanted to come. Mace is bringing some of the good stuff._

 

**[Lady Grey]**

_Can I bring Mike?_

 

**[Andi]**

_Of course. You’ll get the royal treatment if he’s your plus one. How’s that all going by the way? You’re still together-ish?_

 

**[Lady Grey]**

_It’s going good. I think? He uhm. Asked me to be his girlfriend. But it’s still… complicated._

 

**[Andi]**

_Damn. Official and everything! Nice score. He’s a hard one to catch. Even harder to stay caught. Go you!_

 

**[Lady Grey]**

_What do you mean? Hard to stay caught..._

 

**[Andi]**

_Just be careful is all. I’ve never really seen him do real relationships before. Wouldn’t want you to get hurt. You know? I don’t think I can actually name a time when he’s ever had a girlfriend. And he is a Gand..._

 

Kara didn’t know what to make of that. If it was a good thing or not. In a way, she was glad she didn’t have any exes to compete with. But at the same time, she knew that meant she did in fact have a very long list of exes to compete with… and that they’d been non-serious flings. She should be happy about that, right? That he wanted to really be with her? Or… or was this just going to flop and she was just the next girl to be on his long list of exes… 

And he was a Gand? So? He was rich and had status. She already knew that. And HE already knew that she didn’t care. (He’d finally explained to her what a gold digger was, but she wasn’t in a relationship with Mon-El for the money. Heck, she wouldn’t even LET him pay for an education. So it wasn’t like that.)

Plus, all theses people knew him as Michael. She seemed to be the only one that knew him as Mon-El. And maybe… maybe that was special. 

Kara sighed.

 

**[Lady Grey]**

_Thanks for the heads up I guess. I haven’t really done real relationships before either. So I dunno. Maybe we can learn together._

 

**[Andi]**

_Yeah, maybe. Anyway, I’d say that I'd save you a place at our table tonight and put your name on the door, but if you’re with Michael you can just walk straight in. Might catch you there? 11pm. Usually stay till about 4. The Upper Lounge is our spot._

 

**[Kara]**

_Okay. I’ll ask him. Thanks, Andi._

 

**[Andi]**

_You’re welcome, Kara._

 

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my #superbeta @maybetomorrow for being such a gem. xo


	57. The Gands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my #superbeta who stays up late to check my work xo

-

 

"We need to talk about Michael." Rhea put her scotch down, lacing her fingers together to rest her hands on the table in front of them.

Lar simply signaled for the waitress to hurry up and attend to them, having decided on his meal for dinner. "What about him?” Lar enquired, before ordering for both himself and his wife. 

Rhea stopped for a moment until the waitress was gone and she had her husband's full attention, before speaking again. "Well, for starters, he’s slacking."

"He’s not slacking, Rhea, numbers have been up the last three months.” He was moments away from rolling his eyes. Nothing was ever good enough for this women. Not a first class flight, or a 5 star restaurant… Not a grandiose suite or even the business – their glorious empire – was ever good enough. 

"Be that as it may, he is not giving his full attention to our legacy. Our empire. He is putting everything we have worked so hard to build in danger.” She let her words scathe, wanting her husband to know this was serious. 

"How so?” _That_ caught his attention. He loved his son, but if he was putting their life’s work in danger, that was a problem that would not stand.

"Well, I know for a fact that the reason he skipped breakfast with us the other day had nothing to do with a hangover or anything of _actual importance._ ” She flamed.

“Oh?"

"He’s seeing this… this  _girl._ " She said the word like it burned her tongue.

That was all? For fuck’s sake. “ _And?_ ” Lar returned to his bourbon. That deflated rather quickly.

"He is investing his time in some silly little blonde, instead of focusing his energy towards being the powerhouse we raised.” Rhea continued to harp on as if she had been scorned or something. Over a fling? Was she joking? Lar sighed.

"I’m sorry to point this out, but he is young, and quite a good looking and well off male. He has plenty of opportunity with his money and looks to be spending time with any, or _as many_ , women as he chooses."

"It’s not like that. This one is different." 

"You mean an actual girlfriend? Gods, I’d pay to see that.” He chuckled.

“LAR!"

"What? You’re being ridiculous. Boys fuck girls, okay? It’s normal.” Rhea just needed to relax. That was why they were away, after all. She had been working far too hard, and even though she wasn’t even showing signs of stress, she took everything far too seriously. 

"I do NOT need reminding about that.” Rhea snapped at him, and Lar got the feeling they were no longer discussing his son, but rather, his own past sins. 

Well, it didn’t really matter, that was well and truely over now, and she had mostly forgiven him – though occasionally this did come up from time to time when his wife was upset. It was too late now to back track, he was already in the dog house. 

Forward it is then. “Well, did Michael get her pregnant?” He asked pointedly.

"Not that I’m aware of..."

"Then what’s the issue? If he didn’t make the horrible mistake I did, I don’t see the problem."

"So getting your little brunette pregnant was the mistake, not the _cheating?!!!_ ” Rhea spat threw clenched teeth, eyes aflame. The pain of betrayal lasted a lifetime, whether she wanted to admit it or not. 

Lar was suddenly thankful that the two of them were in a cordoned off area away from the eyes of others, thinking there would probably be a few eyes on them by now if they weren’t. His shoulder sank uncharacteristically as he tried to reason with the scorned woman in front of him.

"Rhea. I was a fool, and that is long in the past.  _26 years_  in the past. I am yours. Committed only to you. And Michael has grown to be quite a man – thanks to your commitment to all of this. You ARE his mother. Even if what I did was unforgivable... are you not proud of him?"

"Of course I am.” She retorted.

"Then cut him some slack. It’s just a girl. Nothing will get in the way of his loyalty to The Gand empire. He is a Gand in name and blood. You have raised him from a childish unruly boy to a respectful and hardworking man. And he is OUR son. Have a little faith, Rhea.” He took another sip of liquor to drown out the rantings of his wife. "Besides, maybe one day he might actually settle down. If he finds a girl that can finally tame him, I’m all for it.” He shrugged.

Rhea could not believe what she was hearing. He was.. FOR IT? Was he joking?

"She’s a weakness. And you know it.” She growled.

"I see different. Look at how much you’ve changed me. And made ME into a better man..."

Rhea couldn’t argue any longer, getting absolutely no where with her idiotic husband. Fine. Just… she would take care of the blonde herself!

“You’re right. Sorry that I brought it up. You’re completely right.” Rhea held her jaw tightly as she raised her glass to her lips, letting the sweet burn soothe her ailed mind. This conversation was over. 

Nothing was said as quiet settled over the table, and stretched on as they both wondered what to discuss next. Lar was the one to give in first and break the silence.

“How about we go to the mineral spa after this, hmm? Relax a bit…” 

“Sounds great."

 

*

 

When Mon-El arrived home early from work, he walked through the door to hear beautiful piano music. Kara had been practicing? 

He began to sneak up the stairs, but decided to wait a little bit and just listen. Kara hadn’t been giving herself enough credit. Without the pressure of anyone watching, she was free to make mistakes and really learn and experiment. He heard a few stumbles here and there, but he could tell she felt free to play however she wanted. And it was… so heavenly… to arrive home to that sound. The sound of Kara… _his girlfriend_ , playing the piano. He’d never really enjoyed coming home before. Not ever. Other than to escape a hard days of work, that was.

Honestly, he thought things would be better when he moved out of the family mansion at 17, and it did give him some space to do his own thing. But he’d never really felt _home_  when he walked into the door of his house on the coast. Lena didn’t spend much time with him anymore, and he wasn’t exactly one to keep friends or bring lovers to his own home. (He preferred to wow them with expensive suites and have the freedom to leave whenever he wished, and avoid the awkwardness of kicking them out, or knowing his address...)

This was his space, and he enjoyed it. But it was empty most of the time. Quiet. 

Until now. 

A combination of pride and adoration swelled all the way from Mon-El's chest up into his cheeks, breaking out into a beaming smile as he snuck the rest of the way to the upstairs studio, the reflected light on the staircase making a swirling path up to the second floor. He then learned on the doorframe, not really able to see Kara behind the instrument she was playing, but there was a slight golden light – a glimmer of hair that was undoubtably hers, and perfectly gorgeous. He continued to admire the floating sounds a few minutes longer, keeping quiet so he could just enjoy it. 

He heard as Kara stopped suddenly to attempt something new, trying to work out why a particular chord didn’t sound right. She was only one note off, but quickly found the correct key and tested the chord out a few times with the others. Gods, she was amazing.

Mon-El couldn’t help himself but go to her, a little stung by the surprised and terrified expression that appeared on her face when she looked up to see him. 

“Mon-El.” She stopped abruptly, a little shell-shocked, but soon smiled at him, her expression easing from fear to recognition. Her shoulders sank slightly signaling her relief, and Mon-El made a mental note to stop sneaking up on her.

“That was beautiful.” He mused. 

Kara closed the lid and ran her hands over the glassy exterior, mumbling a bit while tracing patterns on its surface. “I’ve been trying to get better. You haven’t really had the time to teach me.” Noticing how the words sounded, she rushed to correct herself “–Which is totally okay that you haven’t had time, I get it, you have work and stuff.” She tried to just breathe. 

“You’re good, Kara. A real natural. Sorry that I haven’t been able to give you some lessons. But it sounds like you're doing just fine on your own.” He moved his hands to his pockets, giving her a soft smile.

“You’re just saying that.” She rolled her eyes at him.

“Well… I _did_  stay on the stairs for a good few minutes listening. And then in the doorway for a few more. I can tell you’ve improved significantly. You’re picking it up quick.” 

“That sounds a little like an 'I told you so'…” She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. 

“Well...” He raised his hands in surrender, grinning. 

Kara looked back down to her hands on the lid of the piano, tracing circles and not exactly knowing what to say next. She wasn’t used to Mon-El being home early. He didn’t seem to mind the silence, but it wasn’t long before he remembered something and perked up.

“Oh, I brought home some donuts. Since I got off work a little early and we both try pretend that you don’t have major sweet tooth." He shrugged, before offering a hand out to her so that he could help her up. “They are downstairs. Come on… And I need another coffee anyway.”

“What’s a donut?”

“Oh, for the love of Rao!”

“What?”

“You’re kidding m…..annnd….you’re not. Okay. Well I fear I should not introduce you to these glorious delights filled with custard cream and glazed with chocolate. But too late now, I suppose.” He grinned.

“You had me at ‘chocolate.’” She smiled. “Whatever they are, the must be amazing.” She let him pull her up to stand, making their way to the staircase. 

“Just you wait."

 

*

 

Kara was onto her second donut, laughing at the way it was so squishy and difficult to eat politely. She was sure she had powdered sugar not just on her nose, but some on her cheeks and chin as well. “I don’t know how you eat these without making a huge mess…” She let the words fall out ungracefully between mouthfuls. 

“Oh, it’s worth the mess. Don’t you think?” And it was well worth it to see Kara’s face both delighted and covered with streaks of chocolate, too. He moved to swipe a bit from her cheek, showing her just how much of a mess she was really making by lifting his thumb. “I don’t know how you got that there, though. I’ll be honest.” He chuckled. 

Kara used her sleeve to quickly try wipe her face. She didn’t want to appear so impolite in front of Mon-El with stuff all over her face. “Sorry.. sorry,” she spoke in a rush.

“Kara, you’re ruining your sweater!” He quickly reached forward to tug her arm away from her face, but it was too late, the light grey cashmere stained. Well, that would just have to go in the wash.

“I can’t win!” She groaned. 

Mon-El laughed again, feeling more at ease with her than he had in a long time. “Don’t worry about it.” He went to reach for a donut to have with his coffee, but suddenly felt like he needed permission. She was a lioness guarding her kill with those things. “Do you mind? I mean. You weren’t going to eat all 5 were you?” He teased.

“Go ahead.” She moved them in his direction. “But you should have got an even number. Now we are going to fight over the last one.”

“I’m sure we can come to a compromise…” He hinted at the current new situation they found themselves, wondering if she would hear the meaning behind his words. She didn’t, of course, too distracted by cinnamon and caramel. 

Kara continued to eat, too busy enjoying the moment to speak between mouthfuls, until she thought of something, a light sparking behind her eyes.

“Did you want to go out tonight?” She looked up from her snack, swiping her face again to try keep it relatively clean while she ate. 

“You realize _I’m_ the one that’s suppose to ask you on the dates, Kara.” He smiled.

“No no... I mean… well yes, that too, it could be a date. But, Andi said we could go to the Legion and have a night out. If you wanted to.”

“When did you see Andi?!” His eyes widened in fear. He HAD told Kara she could do whatever she liked now, but he didn’t mean putting her life in danger! Or talking to other men (attractive, threatening men) while he was indisposed. 

“Huh? He texted me. On my cellphone.” Kara didn’t even seem to pick up on his body language, fishing a strand of hair out of her treat, which had somehow gotten stuck to it.

“…You… you text. With Andi...” He began. She didn’t exactly send HIM text messages while he was at work today. What the hell? Mon-El tried to remain calm, reminding himself that Kara didn’t really understand social cues, or have much experience with any of this, much less understand how it might offend him that she was texting with another male without his knowledge. 

“Yeah? Anyway. He said work was pretty boring. And that we could join him and Mace for drinks and… other stuff.”

“You mean drugs.”

“That’s what I was hoping. Free score is a good score if you ask me.” She shrugged.

Fucking hell. She was into this? Granted… she didn’t KNOW anything else. Still it was a struggle to wrap his head around, because this was gentle, sweet Kara talking. It was just a little unexpected that she would treat such a thing so casually. It wasn’t like he could judge – there was once a time he would have been more than happy to partake. But he didn’t want that for her. His partying was based in filling the hole inside of him, or a distraction from stress. Filling the gap with sensuality and hazy nights. He wanted so much more for her.

“We can’t go out with them, Kara.”

“Why not?” She played with a chunk of donut between her fingers, watching the cream sploosh together. 

“Well, unless you had a plan for keeping your identity a secret… you were wearing a mask at the party we went to, remember? Andi doesn’t actually know what you really look like. And you said Mace was one of Vik’s buddies. He will recognize you in a heartbeat."

“Oh… I hadn’t thought of that…” Her shoulders sank. She had kind of been hoping to do something with Mon-El. Go out and have some fun. She was sick of being stuck at home.

Mon-El felt a wash of relief sink over him; he’d gotten out of that one more easily than he expected. But… but he was trying to be more honest. He caved.

“And… I know I said you can have all the choices in the world now. I do want you to. But I… didn’t really mean free rein to go out doing illegal drugs.” He finally admitted.

“Say’s the person who plans on stealing someones family heirloom for a client? That’s not hypocritical at all…” She rolled his eyes at Mon-El, who was once again, being uptight and weird about normal things.

“Uhhh… point noted.” Okay, valid argument. Mon-El kicked himself for mentioning it. "Speaking of that. I need to grab The Moon Fortress tonight. So we can’t have a date-night tonight anyway. But I’d love to take you out. Just… just not to the Legion. Is that okay? I had something a little less criminal in mind...”

“Can I come?”

“What?”

“With you.”

“Well, yeah… that’s… usually how a date works…??”

“No you egg-head. I mean to steal the thingy-ma-whats-it.”

Ohhhhh, right. He back tracked a bit. “I mean. I’d prefer not… that’s not exactly legal either. And it’s work. It won’t be very interesting for you...” Gosh, he was laying all the excuses on a bit thick this afternoon.

“But I want to be with you. Can’t we just… spend some time together? Isn’t that what you want?” She thought that’s what he wanted when he asked her out. “I’m stuck here all the time, is all…” She admitted how she was really feeling, deciding it was better that way. 

“I’m sorry about that, we will go out more. I do really want to spend quality time with you. And I will. It’s just this is… super important. I have to prioritize some clients over others. This one’s a bit of a bitch and if I make her unhappy, my mother will be unhappy, and then everything will be shit.”

“Your mother?”

FUCK!

“They are friends.” He lied easily out of habit, running away from his commitment to be more honest and open with Kara now that they were dating. To be fair, he _was_ being more open and honest with her. Just… not about… not about that. He didn’t have the heart to tell her his family was to blame for her suffering. He didn’t want to lose her. 

“Oh. Okay.” Kara shrugged it off, completely believing his lie. 

“But I’ll make it up to you. Those cafe and museum trips we talked about…” His gaze turned hopeful. 

Kara returned to silence, clearly thinking something over while she polished of the rest of her treat. She fiddled with her hair, while Mon-El waited for her to form her thoughts into something she could say. 

“Mon-El?”

“Yeah?”

"I know I’m not… cut out for this. Lena said as much. But… if this is your life. I want to be a part of it. If I’m just a weakness and a liability... I… I understand. But… if I’m to be your girlfriend. I… I don’t want to be shut out all the time.” She took a deep breath, looking up at him. "I want to get to know you better, Mon-El. _Really._ I think you’re wonderful and thoughtful and kind… but then you go do all these things without me and I… I can’t help but feel there is this whole other side of you I’ll never get to meet."

“So… you want to get to know… Michael Gand?”

“Yes?”

“He’s not really that great of a guy, Kara.”

“But he’s a part of you. You don’t… you don’t mind the ugly parts of me. At least… you don’t seem to?”

“There is no part of you that is ugly, Kara. Don’t ever say that.”

“But you know what I mean… don’t you? The… the broken bits. You still… you still want to be with me...”

“Of course.”

“So… so… why can’t I be like that, too? Why can’t you let me see some of the things you don’t like about yourself. You are so convinced I should be nothing like you. But you’re strong. And stuff. I dunno...”

Mon-El didn’t know how to answer that. 

“You’ve thought about this a lot, haven’t you?” He finally spoke. 

“All day…” Her brows came together, a small frown forming and she wasn’t looking at him. But she was trying so hard. Damn, this whole honesty thing was really working. 

“So. You want a little bit of insight into my world?”

“Yes.” She nodded, adamant that she really wanted to get to know him. It would ease her fears about the alcohol in the cupboards, or at very least, it might mean she didn’t have to stay home all the time. 

“Alright. But… only the non-dangerous stuff. Okay? No guns."

“But you were gonna teach me…”

“I mean. Yes, I can still do that.. _maybe_. But we aren’t going near anyone else who has them. You’re lucky tonight is just a standard grab and go.”

“My first heist!” She lit up then, not at all what Mon-El was expecting.

“Shhhh, Kara. You’re not suppose to be excited about something like this.”

“Beats bumming around at home.” She shrugged. She was more excited to get to actually DO something with Mon, than really mind about any of the details of what exactly they’d get up to. She missed him while he was at work.

“We are really going to have to find you something to do with your time now that you’re a lot better. Before you start making trouble...” He grinned.

“We can make trouble together!” She bit her lip, smiling up at him.

“What am I to do with you…” He rolled his eyes. This was such a bad idea. 

 

—


	58. I am in a dream.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _"I'm in a dream._
> 
>  
> 
> _I do not know when it began... or whose dream it was._
> 
>  
> 
> _I know only that I slept a long time._
> 
>  
> 
> _And then... one day I awoke._
> 
>  
> 
> _Your voice is the first thing I remember._
> 
>  
> 
> _And now, I finally understand what you were trying to tell me._
> 
>  
> 
> _The thing you've wanted since that very first day."_
> 
>  
> 
> – Dolores Abernathy, Westworld (1x10 The Bicameral Mind)

 

_\--_

 

 

_“Michael seems to be more important than you let on…" Kara hinted that she did notice his working persona seemed respected and feared by others. Surely this was no different._

_“Who’s Michael?” He grinned, a smug tilt sliding up his face. He was cute like that, always joking with her and trying to earn a smile. She shoved him._

_“Just show me. I wanna see. You said it was pretty." Kara had to admit she was a little interested in what exactly Mon-El got up to while working. And she did like pretty things._

_“Right. Right uhm… hold on a sec.” Mon-El brought up an email to show her, scrolling down the page to an attachment and opening an image of the necklace. It had huge polished gems of a deep red_ colour _, set in gold._

_“It’s not thattt pretty.” She muttered. It looked heavy and extravagant. Far too… much. Okay, sure impressive. But still… it didn’t seem like something actually wearable._

_“If I told you it belonged to an Egyptian queen before modern humanity as you know it even existed, would you even be impressed?” Mon-El questioned._

_“Maybe a little. But I like blue.” Kara shrugged. It wasn’t really her thing, and she didn’t see why it was that important. Rich people seemed to like strange, showy things. She could arguably see the value in such an item, but she would never want it… let alone pay a lot of money for something or want to steal it._

_“And it’s red? That’s why you don’t like it. Because it's the wrong colour…” Mon-El couldn’t help but chuckle. She just honestly couldn't give a shit who owned it or how much it was worth. It was impressive. But not elegant or beautiful._

_“Yeah.”_

_“Remind me to never bother spending mega dollars on any of your gifts,” Mon-El muttered._

_Why would he want to spend money on gifts? He already gave her everything she’d ever need. And more. “I don’t care about money,” Kara mumbled, playing with the ring on her finger, though it betrayed her words a little bit. Her ring was probably the favourite item she owned, and it was worth a lot of money if it was really made out what Kara thought it was. But that wasn’t why she liked it. She like it because… because HE gave it to her._

_“Yes, I can see that.”_

_“Or status.” Kara reminded him. She knew somehow Mon-El must be powerful, from the way he dressed for work and his ‘high-end clients’ that seemed to require him to fly all the way to Star City to retrieve something for them, and in a very classy private jet too. She didn’t care about all that, though. As much as she didn’t really understand Mon-El yet, at least this side of him, it wasn’t something she valued._

_“I know that, too.” Mon-El shut off his tablet, putting it down to look at her. “And I’d like to know you even better. If that’s… if that’s okay with you.” He gazed at her, apparently trying to communicate something. She knew by the way he’d stopped smiling to be more deliberate in the way he spoke._

_Kara held her breath. She didn’t know what she wanted. Not really. It was so hard to make sense of all of the… the feelings. She wanted to get to know him better too. She wanted to share with him, really. It was different with him, like maybe he genuinely did just want to know her, and not just get something from her._

_Kara looked down at her sleeves again, pulling them down over her hands while she talked. “Did you ...mean what you said?”_

_“Which bit, Kara?”_

_“The... the bit about. Do you. Uhm… Do you really… actually… like me?”_

_She couldn't breathe waiting for his answer, though she suspected well enough what it would be. He was opening up to her so fully, but she wasn't sure she could handle that._

_“Maybe even like like you.” Kara watched as Mon-El attempted a small smile, leaving her completely stunned. It… it couldn’t be true. Why would he… have feelings for her? Of all people? There was really nothing much to like. Let alone like like. Why would he choose her?_

_But perhaps Hope was… right. Mon-El was good to her. She had no reason to doubt his words._

_"We aren’t in school, Mon-El.” She recalled their previous conversation, looking back up at him. He deflected with jokes, so why couldn't she? It was a lot to take in. Even if there was an inkling of something there that told her this was what she’d been hoping for all along._

_“You don’t believe me, do you?” Mon-El became serious, looking straight at her. The sensations of tightness in her throat only increased, crushing around her airways._

_“Huh?” Kara whispered, not able to really think straight, let alone process that he might have real feelings for her. It was… obvious he did, now that she thought about it. But it was all mixed up with this innate desire to never trust any feelings or what anyone might say or do. It was a ruse. A ploy. He was a monster in a mask. Her heart told her not to let herself believe anything else._

_Mon-El fell silent as she turned in his lap to face him properly, waiting for him to answer. Would he really confirm what she thought? Would she even believe him if he said the words again?_

_But he didn’t use words._

_Instead, Mon-El let his hand come up to cup her cheek, his thumb gliding across her skin. Her breath hitched in her throat when his eyes flickered down to her lips, such potent desire and adoration clear on his features. He moved forward gently, slow enough for time to stop._

_Mon-El gave her plenty of time to pull back if she wanted to, leaning forward to press his lips softly to her own. It was incredibly gentle, nothing like what she was used_ to, _before he seemed to ask permission to stay a while longer. Kara couldn’t help but feel so incredibly safe with him, that she granted it, lifting a hand from his shoulder to slide up through his hair. She held their lips together a bit longer, allowing a few more moments of bliss to pass, before she felt Mon-El pull away, tentatively resting his forehead on hers._

_He didn’t even open his eyes as he whispered to her lips, hushed and gentle. “Did that tell you what you wanted to know?”_

_She knew it then. He cared about her. More than she thought possible. He was kind and thoughtful and anything she refused to believe from his words was somehow undeniable when she felt him close. She merely nodded lightly against his cheek, afraid her voice would be too weak to form actual words. There were emotions inside her chest too overwhelming to describe, and they scared her. She felt far too much, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to feel again._

_“You’re special, Kara. I just hope one day you’ll see it too.”_

_Tears gathered it the corners of her eyes before she could stop them, but she didn’t want Mon-El to see. She leaned down into him, her cheek resting against neck as she let herself rest on Mon-El's shoulder. She stayed there a long time, just lingering in his embrace._

_“Are you alright, Kara?” He asked so gently she wanted to throw something at him. She was drowning in the intensity of just how caring he was. How much she had missed out on... How much she never thought someone would treat her right. She didn’t even realize how much she had wanted that until Mon-El – someone that would cherish her, and make her breakfast, and run her a bath after a long day._

_Kara had expected that her life would always be an endless and cursed suffering. And it was difficult to admit to herself that perhaps her life wasn't supposed to look like that. It was almost more painful than the actual enduring it – admitting that she had missed out on a life. A home. Family. ...Love._

_“You’re nothing like him.” She whispered, more to herself than him. Though of course, being so close, Mon-El heard and pulled away to really look at her. He saw her tears then, moving to brush them away._

_“What’s wrong? Did I… I screwed up again. I shouldn't have–"_

_“–No. It's... It’s…”_

_“I’ve crossed a line I cant come back from. I'm so sorry.”_

_“No! No, it’s not. Like that.” Kara’s heart turned inside her chest, twisting at weird angles. “Please…” She whispered. "I just...never thought...That I’d…” She continued to struggle with words, so exhausted and overwhelmed. “I never… thought… that things could be… different….” Her words were completely broken and didn’t make enough sense. She didn’t have it in her to explain. Not today._

_"Be honest with me. If you don’t want to stay. I’m… trying to be better. I’m trying to be more honest with you. But if you don’t want to stay here… if this isn't what you want...”_

_“It’s… I want to stay.” She managed._

_“You do?”_

_Kara nodded, using her sleeve to try clear away more falling tears._

_“Please tell me what’s wrong?” Mon-El let his hand return to her cheek, guiding her eyes back to him._

_Kara closed her eyes, the words barely breathed. “You’re nothing like him.”_

_Mon-El’s confusion was clear in his voice, though he remained gentle. “And... that’s a bad thing?”_

_Kara shook her head violently, but couldn't manage any more. “Can we… Can I… Not today. I want to. Talk more…” She took a deep breath, weight bearing down on her from all sides. “I want to be honest too. ...But not today.”_

_Mon-El nodded. “Of course. It’s been a long and tiring day. I should let you get to bed."_

_“I want to stay. If you’ll… if you’ll still have me…” She sniffled, still recovering from his open confessions and the strange pit in her stomach._

_“I’d really like that.” Mon-El rested his hand on her neck, just brushing his thumb against the skin lightly there. “I’m sorry that I got upset. It’s new for me… I hope you understand this is all just very… new.”_

_Kara nodded. "It’s...new for me too."_

_When she looked up, Mon-El was wearing his mask from the day of the masquerade party, which she thought strange, but she was tired and didn’t think much of it, deciding to leave him to his work and finally drag herself to have that shower she so desperately needed. If she had of lingered on the strangeness, perhaps she would have noticed that there were other things out of place too; Sunlight coming through the solid wall with no windows... a yellow cupcake on his desk... an overturned chair in the library._

_But those details escaped her in the feelings of relief that guided her from her place in the study to the bathroom. She just wanted a shower and then sleep. She was allowed to stay, and that was enough._

_Kara didn’t even make it to the bathroom, though that detail escaped her too. Instead, she was sitting in front of the dryer again, watching the towels spin while the warmth echoed through the laundry room. She was completely oblivious to the change in setting, adoring the crisp scent of fresh laundry._

_“I thought I might find you here.”_

_Kara looked up to see Mon-El with a plate of eggs in hand, his t-shirt wrinkled from sleep and a warm smile on his face. “Care for some breakfast?” His hair was all ruffled and unkempt, but she liked him like this, without the hard edges and pristine jacket. It was nice to see him so… relaxed._

_“But the towels aren’t done” She pouted, tossing up between her occasional morning ritual and what smelled like… BACON. The Bacon won in the end, of course, as Kara got up and smiled at Mon-El, moving to the kitchen while taking in the orange juice on the counter and… were those flowers?_

_“I still wanted to make up for… you know.” He shrugged, offering her the plate he was holding and then walking over to the counter to pour her an orange juice. He’d made her breakfast every morning since their… fight… or whatever, as a show of appreciation and that he really did want her here._

_“You didn’t need to…” She thanked him anyway as she sat with her breakfast, reaching for a fork nearby._

_“But I wanted to.” Mon-El just shrugged, pulling out a stool next to her to sit down. His arm brushed against hers as he reached for the pepper, asking her if she wanted some although she’d already begun to eat. “Some of this?”_

_“Sure. Thanks. What’s with the flowers?” Kara asked with a full mouth, nodding to the counter where a small vase held something from his garden. She’d never seen them before._

_“You like flowers.” He said simply. “They’re uhm... Gardenias.”_

_Mon-El’s knowledge of botanical things never ceased to amaze her, as she looked at the small bunch of flowers. Maybe she could paint them later. “They’re pretty.” She hummed, before returning to the comfortable silence that fell over them while they ate. It felt so normal, their morning routine. Just this. Being. Nothing else. The slightest of gestures let them communicate, Kara moving Mon-El’s coffee closer to him before he even reached for it, and him moving a piece of bacon from his plate to hers before she asked for it. It was nice to just enjoy the time together, sometimes in conversation, sometimes not. It was probably her favourite part of the day, and if she listened hard enough, sometimes she could hear the distant sounds of the ocean, or catch a glimpse of a songbird coming from somewhere in the garden._

_This morning, Mon-El was particularly quiet, but it didn’t bother her. Little did she know, he was trying to pluck up the courage to ask Kara a rather important question. He’d tried to beat his feelings down, really, he did. But it hadn’t worked and the more he thought about losing Kara to some other eligible male, the more he didn’t want to lose whatever window of opportunity he had. Perhaps it was selfish. And it was far too soon. Kara hadn’t really even gotten to know him yet. Not in full, anyway. There was still so much about his life that she hadn’t even seen._

_But he didn’t want to live without her. He wanted to know everything there was to know about Kara… maybe… maybe he could just try asking?_

_He felt it. There was something there. Something he could no longer deny it and couldn't even find it in himself to WANT to. He liked her. A lot. And there was a large chance she seemed to maybe have feelings for him too. Perhaps she’d change her mind when she really got to know his lifestyle. But he was willing to take a chance on whatever this was…_

_"Hey, Kara?”_

_“Yeah?"_

_“I… I need to go to work soon. But I had something to ask you, actually.” He finally spoke, noticing Kara had already finished her meal and had moved on to her orange juice._

_"Oh…? What’s up?” She leaned forward to sit her elbow on the counter, resting her head propped up on her hand. She started swirling some of the juice around in her glass, playing with it, just watching it go round in circles._

_“Well, I don’t want to ruin everything by asking this… But… I uhm. Was thinking. About… now that things are sort of back to normal…”_

_Kara just looked up at him expectantly, waiting for the rest of what he was going to say._

_He sighed, looking intently at her. "I don’t know what it’s like… To be a one-girl-at-a-time kind of guy. Like you said.” He took a breath, before laying it all out on the table. "But then you came along… and… you’re the most precious thing to have ever come into my life."_

_Kara sat up properly then, snapping out of her relaxed, slow-moving thoughts with the sudden intensity that dropped into her throat, her heart rate picking up suddenly at Mon-El’s words._

_“I’m… really sorry that I got all jealous and was an arse to you after that party. But… you’re special to me. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met. And... I wanna be that person, that shows you what your life should have looked like. How you should have been treated."_

_She just gazed at Mon-El, taking in just how vulnerable he looked in that moment. It was strange to see him... afraid? "Are you.. asking me…what I think you are?"_

_“I want to make you happy, Kara.” He spoke again. “You’re… so easy to be around. And I can’t imagine what my life was like before you got here. I don't want to imagine what it would be like without you. And maybe it’s totally selfish, but the idea of you going to dinner with someone else that isn’t me…” He just shook his head._

_All of the breath left her in that moment, replaced with a sensation of fear and elation. He was… being so darned honest. Kara could see it. Just how hard it was for him. But he seemed so genuine. And maybe it was hard for him to admit but he still chose to anyway._

_“I wasn’t planning on asking you so soon... because I sort of wanted to… get to know each other properly and stuff. We haven’t even been on our first proper date or whatever. But… I don’t exactly like the idea of you seeing other guys. I know that now. And I know I sure as hell don’t want to see anyone else but you. I want to be a one-girl-at-a-time kind of guy, Kara. For you. I want you."_

_Kara just sat there, her body frozen. “You really… want me?” She trailed off, unsure. Of all people. He wanted her?_

_His face fell slightly at her words, like he was seeing something inside her and contemplating it. “You still don’t seem to believe it, but yes, absolutely. And I’ll prove it to you every day. If that's what you want. If you’ll have me...”_

_Blood was rushing through her ears and making it hard to think. Was he being serious? She gazed at him stunned for a moment, but all she could see was kindness and honesty – glowing meteors staring back at her. Of course he meant it. Why did he have to keep validating that fact? He'd already shown her as much. And yet there was still so much doubt. Kara pushed it down, choosing to trust him._

_“I’d… I'd like that.” She admitted finally, earning a smile from Mon-El._

_“Really?” He beamed, his smile growing wider than she’d ever seen, and she ducked her gaze with a blush when Mon-El's delight became a bit too much for her. “So I’m allowed to… to date you?”_

_Kara just nodded in return, biting down on her lip. She felt Mon-El put his finger under her chin to tilt her eyes up to meet his, guiding her hesitant gaze back to him. “I still want to take it slow, just since… you know… you’re still healing and everything. But I want to support you in that. And be there for you…. I want to really get to know you. Take you out. Show you more of the things you haven’t seen yet.” His eyes moved to her lips again, remembering how soft and gorgeous they were the last time she’d let him kiss her. “...And I’d really like to kiss you again, if that’s okay...”_

_“I’d like that too…” Kara whispered, trying to remember how to breathe, and forcing down the need to smile. When his lips came forward gently to move against hers, she failed terribly, a giddy sensation making her grin and her nose crinkle. She felt warm all over, hazy and slightly anxious. It was quick and chaste, but she couldn’t help but revel in the feeling of Mon-El's adoration. Kara was slightly bewildered that this was really happening. One minute they were just having breakfast in comfortable silence… and then…_

_"Does this… does this mean we are… together?” She asked quietly._

_“Well… I’d like to date you properly. I know it’s super weird that we live together. Kinda doing things in the wrong order here, but… I think we can work around that.” Mon-El let his hand tuck a small blonde lock behind her ear, before reluctantly going back to his coffee._

_“Yeah?”_

_“Yeah.” He smiled. "And getting to call you my girlfriend would be pretty nice….” He shrugged, though it was apparent he was a little smug._

_Kara was still staring at his lips and trying not to smile too much. “It sounds weird.” She whispered._

_“Sorry, it does. Too soon?”_

_“No. I like it.” She shook her head, still trying to focus. Her eyes weren’t really cooperating. She wondered if she would… feel the things she’d just felt... if he were to kiss her again. That had never happened before – the tingles and thrilling sensations rushing down her arms. Warmth fluttering in her chest and stomach. This was new. And scary. And nice._

_Mon-El couldn’t help but smile at her admission, before he leaned forward a bit. “So do you still want to have dinner with Andrew?” He said it teasingly, though he was still showing a glint of jealousy._

_That pulled her out of her thoughts immediately, bringing her clarity back. She just scowled. “I never wanted to have dinner with him,” Kara said firmly. His question kind of bothered her, but also didn’t, because it just confirmed all the more that he wanted her._

_“Uhm. What?” Mon-El pulled back._

_“I was... I thought you didn’t want me.”_

_She said it so nonchalantly. Like it was so obviously true. “Maybe you could have told me that before I got all worked up.” He chuckled._

_“But then would you have asked me out?”_

_“Ohhhh I see. This was your plan all along.” He raised his brows teasingly, giving her a mischievous look._

_“It wasn’t. Sort of. Maybe? ...I don’t know what I want.” She admitted. Communicating was a harder feat than she initially thought._

_“Do you want this?” His gaze returned serious, inspecting her reactions._

_“I think so.” Kara chewed on her bottom lip again. She didn’t really know what to expect. What she wanted. She just couldn’t make sense of all… this._

_“You can be honest with me. You know that right? About what you want. I’d never force anything.”_

_“I’m being honest. I don’t know how to do this. How to be. That’s all. I’m not sure about… about anything.”_

_“Can we work it out together? This is just as strange for me. I don’t know… what it would mean for us. If this is a bad idea...” It probably was. He was being impulsive. And stupid. But he couldn’t really help it._

_“We can just see…” She said simply. Agreeing that perhaps this was strange and stupid and impulsive. But she wanted him to take her out. Show her his world. Find out the answers to all those questions she had._

_“Well alright then.” He smiled again, his gaze reluctantly moving to his phone on the counter when it lit up with a notification. “Fuck!”_

_“What?” Kara was stunned by the sudden shift of mood. "What's wrong?"_

_“Sorry, it's nothing. It's just the time. I didn't realize that I'm late.” He got up abruptly, shoving the phone in his pocket. “I’m so sorry. I gotta go. But thank you. For.. hearing me out. You have no idea how happy I am right now. Even if I’m taking off."_

_“It’s okay. I know you’ve got work. I’ll be here..."_

_“You have no idea how good it is for me to know that.”_

_“Mon-El?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Thank you for breakfast.”_

_“Of course. See you soon.”_

 

_*_

 

Kara stirred to find she was laying on the couch with her head resting on Mon-El’s lap, having fallen asleep at some point between him coming home early from work and dinner. He was playing with her hair, smoothing over her scalp and running his fingers tenderly down the length of small sections. They’d been talking about her art again, and scholarships, when she must have fallen asleep. Her memories had a way of trickling into her sleeping brain, but she felt relaxed and safe. They were good thoughts.

"What time is it?” She croaked, only moving her gaze up to meet Mon-El's. They’d probably have leave soon. He was meant to be taking her on her first outing with the mysterious Michael Gand tonight.

“Only 8 O’clock. Still time to relax a bit.” He continued to smile gently, though much to her disappointment he stopped the nice thing he was doing with his hands through her hair. “You smile in your sleep. Did you know that?” Mon-El talked quietly.

Kara brought her hand up to rest on his wrist, thinking of the new and nice memories that had filled her mind while she slept. “I dream of nice things, now.”

“Oh?” He was glad she hadn’t had a nightmare again. She still had them on occasion, waking him with her distress. It was nice to see her sleep so calmly – smiling even. "Was it pancakes? Or donuts…” He chuckled.

“Bacon. And orange juice.” She knew he would understand. That particular morning was special, and she was sure he would remember exactly what they’d had for breakfast. “Nice things.”

“Well, I knew it had to be about food.” He joked. "I’m glad.”

Kara moved slightly so that she could play with one of Mon-El’s hands that was resting near her side. He let her play with his fingers, just fiddling and enjoying that he was here with her. “Is this real?” She asked, lifting her eyes back to his and watching his face turn confused. “Am I really here? With you?”

“I really hope so. Though if we are dreaming. I don’t ever want wake up.” He smiled gently again, making Kara’s heart flutter.

“Me neither.”

 

\--


	59. The Moon Fortress (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual, things always end up being longer than intended. I have the last chapter of part 1 and I'm literally just trying to bridge the gap between where we are and that end point thingy that I've got. But no ones complaining about extra chapters right? Lol. Should be around 61 or 62. I promise I won't drag this out forever I just have been writing each chapter from scratch atm and without an outline.. well. LOL. ANYWAY. I'll shut up now and let you get on with it. #chaoticburn. 
> 
> \--

 

Mon-El had seen many terrible things in his life – _done_ terrible things. It was no surprise then that something as simple as stealing a necklace didn’t really bother him at all. He packed a small bag with a few items that would easily overcome the security measures at the Sampson house. It was just your basic security there really – as far as rich people went anyway – just motion sensors and cameras, and a house alarm. Nothing major. There would be a locked safe inside the house, which again, would be difficult for your average thief. But not for the likes of one with Luthor-Corp tech. Just the usual.

Lucky for Mon-El, the family dog was with them for a small trip out of town, too. This barely even counted as a heist. He barely even had to go out of town for it. What, a 3-hour drive at most? What was the saying… birds of a feather? Rich people like rich people. Apparently, this side of the country had their fair share. 

Of course, Mon-El still made sure to have a weapon, checking the rounds in his handgun before slipping it into his waistband, and throwing a comfortable jacket on. Hooded. Dark. Non-conspicuous.

This outing didn’t seem particularly first date-worthy, but for some reason, Kara wanted to come along. She had been stuck in the house a lot, so it was fair that perhaps she would want to actually DO something – anything that meant she wasn’t left alone for extended periods of time. Letting Kara into all this wasn’t his plan, not really – but then again, none of this was. He couldn’t keep his work separated from her forever.

Well, he could. But then there would always be a distance between them... secrets and such. He’d been alone so long, maybe the possibility of someone who understood him, both sides of him, and didn’t think him a monster was a startling possibility to be faced with. Kara had seen him kill people. And she still wanted to stay? Granted, she would probably just think him good for freeing her of those sick bastards. But he wasn’t good… not really. Not like she was. Either she was crazy or didn’t know what was good for her. And that was half the problem – she didn’t. Kara didn’t know what was good for her, and of all people, HE wanted to be the one to show her what was? That was utterly stupid. He HIMSELF wasn’t good for her.

Fucking hell. He should never have agreed to this. Perhaps this was a really bad idea. After all, he’d killed more than just the people who had hurt her. He’d done terrible things. It was just a part of the job. He could always blame the job. His parents. His upbringing. But what about now? When it was apparent he could defy them? He could hardly say they forced his every move, considering the liberties he was taking at home to make his own choices, even ones he KNEW would upset them to no end.

He could hide behind the job before – justify it all. He was a Gand, heart and soul. It didn’t even matter before what he did or how or when or why. So long as it built upon the Gand empire, it’s power, and it’s reputation… well then it was acceptable and good and right.

But now… now he wasn’t so sure this whole thing was what he wanted. He had something else to live for. Someone else.

Kara wouldn’t like Michael Gand. He wasn’t even sure HE liked Michael Gand anymore. Not since her. She was… beautiful and sweet and the world had been so cruel to her. And it was his fault. His life, his legacy, was built on hurting innocent people like HER.

It was his fault. And he didn’t want this. Not anymore.

 

*

 

"Are you sure about this, Kara? You don’t have to come. We can go out for dinner or something tomorrow night, instead. A _real_ first date."

"I’m already dressed," she argued, thrumming her fingers on the top of the couch where she was waiting.

"Yes, I’m _so_ convinced.” He handed Kara a dark jacket to borrow, noticing she was wearing her coat with the fluffy white trim around her hood. “Dark colours are better. For this.”

Kara quickly took it from him and replaced her jacket with his, zipping it shut. Good. She draped her own hanging over the couch, not bothering to put it back in her room. “There. Now I’m dressed, see?” She didn’t want to be left behind and she could tell Mon-El was trying to get out of this for some reason. Maybe he doubted she could handle a little outing, which was fair. She couldn’t, and it was stupid, but she still she wanted to go. She wanted to get to know him and what he did for work. Isn’t that what he wanted, too?

Her fingers felt all numb and tingly as she paced around waiting for Mon-El to hurry up and get his stuff. Gods he took his sweet time. “Are we going or what?” She called after him as he moved AWAY from the door, fluttering about to the kitchen. This was not the time for snacks! What was he DOING?

“Hold on a sec. I’m just trying to find my keys.” He called from around the corner, while Kara just rocked back and forward on her feet.

“Try your other jacket,” she muttered. No wait – she would go. She bounced down the hall towards his room and saw his suit jacket hanging neatly over a chair, which she promptly picked up. She stuck her hand in the pockets to find exactly what she was looking for – his keys. Which had a beautiful silver lion on it, she’d just noticed. Kara stared at it for a moment, liking that it kinda reminded her of Joe. And Mon-El's tattoo. He had a tattoo of a lion and a rose on his neck, though she’d never really paid it any mind. It was usually covered anyhow. Right! Showtime! She practically ran back to the living room after getting far too distracted and bumped into Mon-El’s chest when she didn’t stop in time. Oops. “I got them. See?” She held them to his face. "They were in your other jacket.”

“Are you okay?” Mon-El took the keys gingerly with raised brows. Kara was all jittery, like, _weirdly_ so, but perhaps she was just anxious to be leaving the safety of the house again. He let it go. “A little excited, hmm? I should let you know, this isn’t actually going to be exciting. To be honest, you’ll probably just be staying in the car the whole time."

“Well, I don’t get to go out much. So I don’t care, as long as you don’t leave me behind,” she admitted. “Can we go?” She rocked back and forwards on her feet again, trying not to alert Mon-El that she’d maybe had a bit of something she shouldn’t have.

“You’re… you’re sure. Super sure?”

“Yes. Please, can we go now?”

“Fine. We can get dinner on the way or something. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. 1... This is going to be boring for you. And 2…. You’re not going to like Michael Gand.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” _Thank you very much._ She followed behind him as they FINALLY left the house.

 

*

 

"Why is it called the Moon Fortress?” Kara asked while sitting on the passenger side, slightly uncomfortable in the black coat Mon-El had given her. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the coat. But she was buzzing a little too much and it felt constricting. “And why isn’t it snowing? It’s supposed to be snowing!”

“I live on the coast, Kara. The ocean keeps the temperature more stable. We only get the occasional snow blow over in winter."

"It will be spring soon…” She mused.

“That it will."

"So the Moon Fortress…” Kara repeated.

“It’s more of a nickname, it goes with the story about it.”

“Tell me about it?” She bit down on her lip, hoping Mon-El would be okay with sharing some of his double life with her.

“Sure…. uh… So not many people actually believe it. Maybe that’s probably why it’s with a family instead of behind glass at an institute… anyway.” Mon-El started to explain. “Basically, there’s this story that the necklace belonged to an Egyptian Queen, who was said to be the moon incarnate. Like a goddess or something like that. They found the necklace in her fortress, something about a collapsed palace or whatever. Still… the jewels were in pristine condition. So not many people believe it. How does something like that pass down through a perfectly normal family? I dunno."

"But you love a good story,” Kara noted.

"Yes. And it’s worth more than just its history. True or not, jewels of such quality and size are… hard to come by."

"So... your client wants it because it's ostentatious. Not because some queen supposedly owned it?"

"Probably. It’s highly unlikely that the story is even remotely true. Probably just a story someone's grandfather made up and told their grandkids, who told their grandkids… you feel? To be honest, maybe someone up their family tree was just a really decent thief.” He chuckled.

“Sounds nice. To have something passed down like that. Kinda like a bedtime story that stays in the family.”

"Yeah. So I mean, it’s total bullshit, but I think it has more to do with power than anything. Roulette can wear that big expensive thing around her neck while she struts around her underground fight club. Prove that she can take anything she wishes, whenever, from whomever... and no one can stop her."

"Underground fight club? You mean…"

“Oh, right. Yes... She… she owns Draaga. Takes a cut from everything.”

"But you don’t go there anymore, right?” Kara’s brows pulled together as she thought of the time Mon had come home with major injuries from that hideous place. Sometimes Mon-El could be such an idiot. But it was what he was used to, so perhaps she couldn’t really blame him. He didn’t like things she was used to, he’d admitted as much. So whatever.

Mon-El shrugged, flicking the indicator on at the traffic lights. "Haven’t yet.”

"Will you?” Kara looked over at him, trying to see if he really meant it when he said he wouldn’t go back, but he was just staring at the road.

"You don't want me to,” he sighed. "Plus, I hate Roulette anyway. Might as well stop making her money when I fight…"

“But, you are still giving her what she wants.” Kara’s brows pulled together again. He seemed to do a lot of things he didn’t really like.

“Well, yes, in this case, I have to. She’s a respected client. And once she has yet another stolen artefact to add to her collection, she can show it off, and be happy for a time. Until she gets sick of it and wants something else."

"Because she looks like she can take whatever she wants. And just wear it around because no one will turn her in or something?"

“No one around here is stupid enough to dob anyone in for their crimes, Kara. Criminals tend to associate with other criminals. You get into scuffles here and there, but there's sort of… respect and a hierarchy, I guess. If you’re known as a rat, you’re bound to either get a bullet or wish you had..."

“That’s not at all disturbing,” Kara muttered. “But… aren’t you getting it for her? Don’t people know that? Wouldn’t you be the one getting all the credit?"

“Yes and no. Those in our circles will know I was hired for this, yes. Either way, it's not a big deal, Roulette still gets to look good. Getting someone else to do your dirty work is just as much a display of power as flaunting stolen goods. The fact that she can make Michael Gand steal something at the snap of her fingers... well… that is probably just bonus points."

"This is all… a bit overwhelming.” Kara admitted. Getting to know this side of him was… strange, in a way. People considered him so highly, and all because he was good at his job. Kara didn’t really know her master – other than what she could glean from parties and events. She didn’t really learn about this dark world, that apparently, she was a part of. "I never really knew what Vik did for work….” Kara let her voice fade into nothing as she looked out the window. She knew about his lifestyle. But not the people, the details, how it all worked.

There were expensive clothes. Drink and drugs. Lots of parties... That was about the extent of her involvement, really. Till she tried to get away from all that, and it blew up in her face, of course.

"Did you know him?” She asked quietly, still looking out the window.

Mon-El cringed. He knew exactly what Vik did for a job. No doubt where Kara’s comfortable familiarity with drugs and parties came from. He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, but knew he couldn’t avoid the subject forever. "I... I did."

"Oh." Kara was struggling to put all the pieces together. Maybe that's why Mon-El wasn't that keen on letting her know more about his work. She was already feeling deflated knowing that Mon-El and Vik had probably crossed paths a few times.

Mon-El took a deep breath. He didn’t particularly like the topic, but at least Kara called Vik by his first name now, instead of... the other word. "Uhm...You… you don’t seem to mind speaking of him?" He tried to tread very lightly, surprised to hear Kara continue to talk.

"I do. And I don’t. It’s strange.” Kara just shrugged. She tugged at the ends of the jacket she was borrowing.

“Hmmm?"

"Like… like I’ve been trapped in a nightmare. For a long time. And now I’ve awoken in a different place. Does that… does that make sense?"

"A little."

"Sometimes it comes back to me in flashes. Other times it’s faded and fragmented. Even though it was such a large part of my life. Sometimes… I almost can’t even remember it. It doesn't seem real.” Kara put her elbow on the side of the car door and just leaned on her hand. Her eyes followed whatever was outside, but she wasn’t taking any of it in. It was just blank swirls of street lamps and darkness.

Mon-El watched as Kara became quiet, though she did continue to fidget a little. She was describing what could only be the effects of trauma. She most likely had many periods of dissociation to deal with the pain and suffering and stress. Her mind chose not to retain the painful memories, leaving her with a distorted and shadowy view of her life. Mon-El knew he was like that too, sometimes. He was certain his family wasn’t perfect, and yet he never really found it in himself to blame his parents for the suffering in his youth. He could barely even remember it, as if it was a shadow that followed him around. He didn’t even hate his parents, though they weren’t close. Sometimes it just didn’t seem real. That part of his life, anyway. Just fragments of a fading dream.

Mon-El pulled off the highway, needing to pop by one of his other properties. He needed to switch cars. Hopefully that wouldn’t bother Kara too much, but she seemed talkative and fine… which was… a good thing, he supposed. He thought back to Lena, and how she’d mentioned it was best to let her talk when she wanted to talk. And leave it when she wanted to leave it. He’d never really been one for admitting it, but Lena’s advice was often useful. She had a wisdom about her, good with people (probably why she was so stellar at charming and manipulating them whenever she pleased). Perhaps that was also why Lena still managed to keep friends while running a multi-sector business, complete with its own criminal floor away from eyes of the public. To be honest, she was incredible, when he thought about it. The Gands stepped on everyone else to get their way. Lena built her own way to the top, and while yes, she had her own role to play in their system, Mon-El had no doubt the Luthor girl could do anything she wanted if she put her mind to it.

He was lucky to have such a person to advise him on how to deal with the likes of Kara. Perhaps now was the best time to stop being a stubborn ass and take a few of Lena's teachings to heart.

"Kara…?"

“Yes?"

"How do you feel about Vik… truely…?” He began gently, testing the waters. "You're allowed to hate him. You're allowed to hate what he did to you. None of what happened was your fault. It was his. You know that, right?”

Kara looked over to Mon-El, seeing the deep shade of blue-grey that made her so calm. But it was brief, as he had to turn back to the road. The moment his eyes left hers, the tightness in her chest came rushing back in to grip her throat. "I uhm… he was…” Kara began to speak, though her words didn’t come together. They got caught somewhere between the hot shards in her chest and her lead tongue. "I don’t think you would understand.” She managed.

Mon-El tried to interpret what she was trying to say. Tried to listen. But he wasn’t very good at it. He wasn’t good at much to do with people, besides lying to them. "You don't hate him? After all that he put you through?”

"More like… can't. I try. But…” She just collapsed back into her seat, the defeat crumpling her shoulders as she sat staring out the front windshield.

"Sorry. We don't have to talk about it. I’m just trying to get to know you better. Understand you. Is that… is that okay? It’s just a bit easier to ask when you’re not biting my head off…” He joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"True. Sorry about that. My moods are…"

"Not within your control. I know that now. And it’s okay."

“Really?"

"Yes, Kara. You’re healing. It’s a… messy process."

"You sound like you speak from experience,” Kara remembered that he was beaten to a pulp as a child. When Lena had told her, she felt both sick to her stomach and also a strange relief – that he had nightmares like hers. Before he got better. It gave her hope that she could be like him. Strong and confident. That she could get better, too.

Kara was still hugely distracted by the twitchy feeling under her skin, UGH, being in an enclosed space sucked. But at least she wasn’t falling asleep. They’d probably be out most of the night. She turned to look over at Mon-El again, seeing his posture shift a few times like he was uncomfortable. “What is it?” She asked.

“You don't have to talk about him, if you don’t want to. But... but if you do. That was a part of your life. A big part. And I'm sorry for not letting you share that before. It's hard for me to hear, you know? But I want you to feel comfortable sharing. So if you ever want to. I’ll listen.”

“Uhm. Thanks.” Kara obsessively twisted the ring around her finger while she spoke. "I want you to feel comfortable sharing, too…” She looked over at him, but he was too busy concentrating on the road, ignoring her gentle comment that he was allowed to be open with her as well. Either he was avoiding it, or he was just distracted by the driving, since it seemed like they must be nearing their location. They were in a rural area now, not on the highway anymore, and he’d slowed significantly. “Are we there already?”

“No, no. I uhhh… need to switch cars. I have uh… a man-cave, I guess you call it. On this street.” He shrugged. Kara had told him she wanted to share, so he guessed he could start with this. The truth was, he’d probably never be fully comfortable sharing with her. But she’d find out soon enough. What, with her endless questions and the fact that he didn’t want to keep things from her. It was difficult, being so conflicted. But what was he to do?

Either way, he was destined to lose. Destined to lose _her_. Ugh. He was so screwed.

 

*

 

Kara just stared openly at Mon-El's black Camero. One of many cars he owned, apparently. Ruby was his usual ride, but due to the nature of their outing, he'd taken her to one of his… ‘man-caves'... to swap cars. It was then that Kara wondered just how much of a different sort of life Mon-El led as Michael Gand. There were multiple gates and chains to pass through, and he didn't even let her enter said ‘man-cave', which basically looked like another HOUSE. Instead, Mon-El made her wait under the light of the front porch, until he opened one of the garage doors to reveal three other cars. Uhm. _Okay._  

Mon-El was suddenly being colder than usual, in tone and body language, and maybe it was just habit. She obeyed when she told her to switch vehicles after retrieving something from the house, a little surprised by all the new things she’d never considered Mon-El might own, that weren’t kept at his own place. The moment they got there it was like he just switched off. The fun, nice person was just discarded along with their previous car. It was strange. Mon-El was so calm and kind and fun at home. Playful and charming. But the moment he was working, he became someone else.

"How many cars do you have?!" She asked as he started the car – a very different one than she was used to. It was… fine… just as nice, well, nicer. But it wasn’t Ruby. It wasn’t well worn and didn’t smell like wood stain and black coffee – things she’d come to realize she associated with Mon-El.

“I'd... rather not answer that question.” He tucked something in his pocket but she didn’t catch what it was, before taking off down the driveway. The new leather smell was annoying, actually, now that she thought of it. Did he even use this car?

"Do you own all of them?” Kara asked.

"Sort of. This one here belongs to Dalton Reams. The yellow one, too." He nodded over his shoulder as he hit a button and the garage door closed, with Ruby left behind outside next to the house.

“Who's Dalton?"

"Me. Well. Another me."

"Uhmmm..."

"Sorry. There's a lot about me you don't kno– _Feet off the dash, Kara!_ "

She grumbled as she put her feet down. "I like Ruby better."

“She's less intimidating, isn't she. I suppose that's why I like her. This is the least conspicuous of the three – it’s better if I take something else out for assignments. Plates aren’t under my name and I never drive it except to… discreet locations.” Mon-El tried his best to help Kara understand why the switch was necessary for a job so close to home.

“Four. If you count Ruby, that’s FOUR.” She wasn’t even listening to the rest of what Mon-El had to say, she was still reeling from the fact that Mon-El had so many cars. It was ridiculous! Who the hell needed FOUR CARS. "I’ll be honest, I don’t even know what those other ones were…” She guessed they were fancy, but she only really knew what a Ferrari was when it came to stuff like that. As far as she could tell, Mon-El didn’t have one of those. Maybe he did, at another house. Who really knew at this point?

“They’re just expensive items for purposes of show, or work. Nothing more. Though they are fun to drive..."

"The house is yours, too?” Of course it was, but she still had to ask.

"If by 'house', you mean a storage facility, then yes. I do like to keep work and home separate sometimes. I don't keep tactical gear and a full armoury in my home, just a few weapons and a cleaning kit at my place.” He tried to explain it as casually as possible, maybe to just test the waters out a bit, but as he suspected, Kara’s eyes widened at the mention of weapons and such.

“Sorry, _what?_ "

“Guns. And stuff. You know I have those, right? I told you Michael Gand wasn't a good person,” He grumbled. This was a bad idea. Bad bad idea. Idiot. This was a TERRIBLE idea. She would hate this side of him. Of course she would. Why he thought for a second that she’d maybe be semi-okay with it was beyond him, let alone thinking that letting Kara to really get to know him would result in anything except rejection. Brilliant.

"You're.... you're not going to hurt anyone though... are you?"

"Probably not.” Mon-El shrugged. He could see the fear in Kara's eyes, but didn’t even bother to comfort her, after all, wouldn’t that just be a ruse? He deserved this. She deserved to know what she was getting into if she was to be in a relationship with him. And he deserved to have her leave him for it.

"Can you stop doing that?” Kara didn’t like the way Mon-El was suddenly being so cold. She didn't really like Mike. She could admit that to herself. Sure, he was working, and he got like this sometimes when he was taking on that... other persona she’d seen glimpses of. But it bothered her that he would just shut her out like she shouldn’t even be here with him. He’d let her come. And she wanted to get to know him. To find out all the details and put the pieces together. She’d been trying so hard to put all the pieces together. The whys. And he wasn’t being very helpful. “Stop _doing that_.” She muttered again when he ignored her previous request.

“What?"

"Being all Michael Scaryman. Just for a while? You can show me what you do without being so cold about it.”

"Gand. It’s _Gand._ ”

Perhaps Mon-El was trying to convince himself that he WAS the son of Lar and Rhea Gand, heir to the criminal empire and powerful and fearful reputation they’d built. If he said it out loud, it would remind him of who he was supposed to be, and perhaps he could beat himself back into submission like his mother used to. If he just told himself enough times that this was who he was, maybe he would believe it. Michael. Gand.

But he could feel all that slipping away, like the threads to that person were being cut the more time he spent with Kara. One by one. She was cutting his ties to his job and his family, and his stout loyalty to being Gand in name and action.

And she was cutting Mon-El free.

"Seems like you have a lot of different names. I don’t see why I can’t add to the list. Scaryman fits better." She shrugged teasingly, her smile fading when he didn’t bite. He just rolled his eyes instead.

"So you don't like him. I told you that you wouldn’t.” He said sternly.

"But. He's not you."

"He _is_ me."

"Then why are you talking about him in 3rd person like he's separate from you?” Kara argued.

"I have to separate him from me. To do this. To... to be….” He struggled with the feelings and words swirling in his chest. "Look, before you. I was him all the time. Now... things have changed. You've brought out... something else. But it's not... _good_. The things I do. It didn't even matter before. But then…” He trailed off. It shouldn’t matter now, either! He shouldn’t be losing his ability to work. He had a job to do. A life to lead. One that was set in stone from the moment his adoption papers were officially signed and he became a Gand. Perhaps his mother was right. Kara was a distraction and weakness to his work.

He sighed then, giving up all hope that he would ever get out of the trap he’d built himself – leading a double life. He just became silent. He didn’t know what to do. What to say. He didn’t know what he wanted. Nothing made sense. His LIFE didn’t make sense. UGH.

“Are you… are you okay? You seem a little sullen.” Kara just nibbled on her fingernails. Tapped her toes. Waited.

“I’ve hurt a lot of people, Kara… On the job.”

“But did you want to?”

“That’s not the point.”

Kara shrunk back down into her seat. She didn’t want to believe he was a ruthless and uncaring person. He was caring to her. But maybe she was wrong about him. She could admit that she was uncomfortable when Mon-El was like this. She’d only ever seen glimpses. So maybe she was wrong about him. He’d never laid a hand on her, not ever. And he only ever barked at her when he was angry which she liked anyway, because of the emotional intensity of it – she was basically asking for it whenever he went off at her. Pressing his buttons. So that wasn’t his fault either. Plus, he was generous, made her breakfast every morning, and got her gifts. How could he be uncaring and a bad person when he treated her so nicely?

Her mind was going a million miles a minute and she was trying to just keep up with herself. She heard Mon-El sigh, again. He was really struggling and it made her heart sink. Why was he like this?

“Did you want to hurt them?” She pressed.

“I was indifferent. I didn’t care. You don’t know me. When you see the real me, you’ll hate him. I’m not a… I shouldn’t have… gods I’m an idiot. This was all a terrible mistake.” This is why he should never have asked to date her. She didn’t even know him. She couldn’t know him. He couldn’t let her. "Maybe I should just drop you home. This isn’t… this was a bad idea…"

Kara’s heart sank straight to her feet. He said he wanted her. But the moment she tried to get to know more about him… he’d just shut her out completely. Did he really think this was all a huge mistake? What was he keeping from her? Maybe… maybe he could only keep up the ruse so long. NO. No. That wasn’t it. She wanted to hit her stupid brain and beat it with a stick. He wasn’t a monster in a mask. He wasn’t. He WASN’T. He wasn’t Vik.

But… but maybe he was. Maybe he was just like him.

“Mon?”

“Yeah?"

"I'm scared.” She finally admitted, surprised when he immediately softened at her words. She saw his brows pull together and how white his knuckles were as they gripped tightly to the steering wheel. “Is it all fake? When we are at home. When you… laugh. And we have fun cooking things and just reading books. And you take care of me. Is that… is it all a lie?”

“No. No, Kara, it’s not.”

“When you pet a nice fluffy dog and smile and teach me how to dance. And make me breakfast every morning. Are you… is it… why do you do it?"

“I don’t know anymore, Kara.” He sighed “It’s different when I’m with you. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t want to let you know about all this. I don’t want you to know what I’m capable of."

"I already know what you are capable of, Mon-El. I was _there._ " Kara reminded him that she was there when Vik was shot. She was there when Khan bled out in front of Mon-El's angered and protective form.

"That was different. You think I saved you."

"You did save me.”

"But what if I didn’t do it to save you. What would you think of me then? What if I did those things... because of a necklace with red gemstones that you don’t even think are pretty?"

"You just said you wouldn’t hurt anyone."

"Casualties make my job harder. Messier. It’s convenient for no one to be around when I do this."

"Maybe you just don’t want to hurt people."

Mon-El fell silent for a time. Kara tried to wait as patiently as possible for him to consider whatever he was contemplating in that mysterious brain of his. It took some time, but he finally spoke again.

“Why did you come? If you’re scared of me. Why did you agree to let me _date you?_ ”

"When you’re with me. You’re… you're warm. And kind. It’s nice. I like spending time with you.” She thought back to how much her heart fluttered when he drew her close. When he kissed her. And how different it was to how he was being now. "But sometimes… sometimes it’s… like you’re not being yourself.”

“I’m sorry. I’m… things are confusing. For me. Right now.”

“Should I stop asking questions?”

“You can do that?” Mon-El joked. Kara was very insistent on asking lots of questions. “How long do you think that will last?” He cracked a small smile, not really meaning to. But.. she just brought something out in him. He couldn’t help it.

“Probably not long.” She admitted sheepishly.

“We can listen to some beats. Yeah? I just need to think things over. It’s gonna be a long drive."

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.s Thanks to my lovely Mika93 for letting me put the reference/easter egg in of The Moon Fortress (yes, her fic is called that. and yes, there are references throughout Lion to about 8 other fics of my own that I haven't even released yet. Lol. Easter eggs are life.) And thanks to my stellar beta @maybetomorrow for knowing things like grammar and american-english. Peace + Love. xo


	60. The Moon Fortress (Part. 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone! xox. (I'm on holiday with basically no internet lol. So thanks for waiting. Should HOPEFULLY finish this before the new year... ekkkkkk.) Anyway. Thank you to my #superbeta @maybetomorrow for editing this on her flight lol and HOLY HECK CHECK OUT HER LASTEST FIC. I know there arn't many chapaters yet, but 'When Catastrophy Strikes' is SO fantastic like im dying dying it's so good. Then again, i've read 10 chapters more than yall. But HIGHLY recommend yes yes yes okay good. It's going places. Good fantastic banter bus get the fuck on board places. Brilliant. 
> 
> Okay, I've had to much to drink. See ya'll next update. Peace and love.
> 
> \--

 

 

Crude rap music started playing, which was of no surprise to Kara. Of course, Mon-El listened to this type of thing. She wondered if THIS car had a name like Ruby did… something sexy to go with the profanity leaking from the speakers and filling the space. Kara couldn’t help but wonder what Mon-El was like when he was younger. If he listened to this shit like some badass. She imagined him drag racing against other people his age to this kind of low bass, never getting in much trouble since he was rich and all that. He  _did_  drive insanely fast with her in the car, but she could only tell because he was passing people on the highway –  _loads_  of people while changing lanes – and not because it actually felt any different. It was nothing like being on the back of his bike. She suspected there was some false security in being inside such large and smooth moving vehicle, which meant she didn’t feel unsafe. He’d probably been driving like this forever – and maybe one day she could ask him; if he was a bad boy back in the day before he became a botanist and criminal. He was probably a rebellious little shit back then, but she found it nice to just imagine. 

Kara kinda liked being buzzed. Her overthinking brain could cover a lot of information in such a short timeframe when, usually, she’d already be falling asleep. She was trying to figure out what exactly would upset Mon-El so much that it made him look like he was carrying the weight of the world on his (very muscular) shoulders. He still looked entirely beautiful, but she could tell the something was off. Like his burden was too big to share or something. It was strange seeing him like this. The air coming off him was dark and brooding, so unlike the playful version of him she was used to seeing. Come to think of it, there were a lot of strange things about him – the way he seemed so gentle at times, even though he looked like he could punch his way through a stone wall if he really wanted to. She was so used to how he  _was_  around her, that she forgot to actually look. Look at all the things that really, would make him seem rather terrifying if she was to take a moment and consider his exterior. Broad shoulders. Tense, muscular frame. Large hands that could crush throats with barely any effort. He was the sort of person that had nothing to fear, complete with hardened edges and various tattoos – and yet something weighed on him so heavily. He seemed unable to do anything except stare straight ahead at the road with his mouth shut, while his frown messed up his beautiful face. That didn’t really seem like the emotionless brute she imagined he could have been from the way he looked on the outside.

Kara kept on letting her thoughts run around unbridled, while trying not to tap her feet too loudly. She took to drawing circles on the interior of the car door, tracing lines in an effort to keep her mouth shut. Her mind drifted from this to that to the other thing, picking apart everything that she could. Discrepancies and such. The way Mon-El’s smile was light and effortless, yet his tone of voice when he was stern was nothing short of terrifying. They way he was warm and comforting, soothing even – and other times, sharp as steel around the edges.

Right now, he seemed to be a lot more distressed than someone of his kind should be. But he wasn’t at all the hard, ice cold stranger that had executed her master in the dead of night. Not like she thought he was at the time.

He’d turned out far different to what she’d expected. He’d taken her home. Hell, he’d  _carried_  her home. And washed her hair and given her something to eat. A bed to sleep in… Didn’t make advances on her ever. Arseholes of his type just didn’t do that. They would have shot her in the head and dumped her. Or done… other things she didn’t really want to think about. Mon-El wasn’t like that.

It didn’t really make any sense. Surely the pieces had to fit somehow. But she had so many questions. Why was he so… different? Was he sympathetic to her because of what had happened to him? What… what exactly  _had_  happened to him? Nothing made much sense.

Unfortunately, Kara just couldn’t take the weird buzzing in her veins any longer, and sitting in silence in this weirdly uncomfortable seat finally took its toll. It just all came pouring out.

"Lena said your mother used to beat you. Is that true? It makes more sense when I think of it like that. That maybe you were beaten into submission just like me and that’s why you do things you don’t really want to or don’t like. You’ve hinted at being like me before. At least, in the past, I mean. Though, I’m not sure why you’re mother would beat you. But maybe you're punishing yourself or something by staying in a job you hate. Or you feel like you have to live up to some big scary reputation so that you are feared rather than bullied. I dunno, it just all seems like there's this giant, gloomy thing hanging over your head and–"

“–What did you take?” Mon-El interrupted her suddenly, cutting off her motormouth thoughts.

“Huh?"

" _Drugs,_  Kara. You obviously know what they are, because you mention them so flippantly. And you’re talking faster than I’m driving right now. Let's be honest here, that’s a feat and a half. What did you take, and where did you get it?"

She hadn’t thought about that. Shit. She’d been talking too fast and saying too much and fidgeting. Oops. “Uhhh...”

“ _Kara._ ”

“I Uhm. I stole some of your coffee. I was tired and you said we would be out late and I didn’t want to miss anything. So I just. Had a bit. I thought it would help.” She shrugged, shying away from Mon-El as much as she could in the space they shared.

“Kara!"

"What? You drink like a million coffees a day!"

"Yes, but... that’s to keep me… at normal energy levels. You're like a mad squirrel on this shit."

"I’m not a mad squirrel?!" Kara gasped, and Mon-El suddenly couldn’t help but laugh. He couldn’t believe something as simple as coffee could make her quite like this.

Mon-El was laughing at her. He was… laughing at her? “Why are you laughing? A second ago I could have sworn you were upset.”

"I’m sorry. It’s just. You… you.. looked  _horrified._  When I said that. I might start calling you a mad squirrel more often just for that reaction.  _Feet off the dash, Kara_!"

“You’re avoiding the conversation.” She grumbled, putting her feet down again. Why did it even matter? Her boots were clean enough.

“True. I am. You got me there.” Mon-El just shrugged, and she felt more and more like he was shutting her out.

“Why?"

He rolled his eyes. Kara had lots of questions on a normal day, let alone after breaking into his coffee stash. Somehow, he didn’t think her persistence would let up when she had more energy than he did. Still, he tried his luck. “Why what?”

“Why are you avoiding telling me about yourself?”

Mon-El sighed in response. He pulled out and passed another car before taking a deep breath, giving in. “What... Lena said. It’s true. And I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But…”

“ _Kara…_ ” He tried to growl her without being too stern about it, since she didn’t like that. But he really didn’t want to talk about that period in his life. It was long gone. Forgotten. A shadow that he didn’t need to remember or bring up again.

“But it proves your not a bad person!” She reiterated. “Why did you even let me come if you didn’t want me to know about you?”

“Because I’m a fucking idiot!” He groaned. Rao, this girl could really grind his gears. He didn’t know why, but Kara had an incredible ability to get under his skin and throw all of his emotions out of whack. He was a usually a calm, collected, disciplined sort of guy. Confident and deliberate. And yet, here he was, barely able to  _recognize_  what he was becoming. It was bloody terrifying. And that was saying something, considering it took a lot to ruffle his feathers.

Once again, Mon-El found himself in the position where he needed to apologize. He didn’t want to have sudden outbursts at Kara and be so defensive, but he didn’t… ugh. This was all... confusing. Navigating all these thoughts and feelings and shit all at once. This was NOT something he was familiar with.

“I’m sorry, Kara. This is new and strange. I’m not really an open sort of person.” He found his emotions working their way down to the foot pressed against the gas pedal, gritting his teeth as he pulled out again and passed another 3 cars just for the hell of it. "I’m sorry that I dragged you into this. You just make me feel… different. Like I could… I dunno.” He shook his head. He couldn’t even think straight. Brilliant. He was angry. Why was he angry? That made no sense. He wasn’t… whatever.

"I don’t mind, Mon-El…" Kara spoke softly. Like she was trying so hard. Begging him to let her in. “Truly...” She was mumbling by then, fiddling all the while.

“Huh?” Mon-El looked over at her, the way some of her golden hair had fallen forward to cover her face making his heart tug. He yearned to push it back gently so he could see her expressions. But he was too busy driving and turned his attention back to what he was doing.

“I don’t mind… that… that you’re healing too…” She spoke gently to her fingers as she played with them in her lap, while Mon-El fell silent again. He was unable to form any decent words. There was just SO much on his mind that he was blanking, unable to decipher anything beyond the incoherent hissing, howling mess inside his skull. What made her think that?

He wanted to sort through it all. Really think about what he was saying and listen to her better, rather than let his sudden impulses and surprising emotions pummel him. But it was just… a lot right now. He needed to figure things out. If he couldn’t get his thoughts together, how was he suppose to communicate with Kara?

Ugh. And he had a JOB he was supposed to be concentrating on. Not that he could with  _her_  around.

“I just… I need to concentrate right now. This is how I work. I know I’m not great company at the moment. So, I’m sorry. But you wanted to see what I do for work. This is it. Sorry to disappoint.” His voice was bitter by then, and the growing pangs in the bottom of his gut were persistent. But he held his ground. He needed to keep his head above water to do his job. Then they could talk. “We can talk after, okay? Is that… would that be alright?”

“You’re scared.”

“Where’d you get that idea from?” Mon-El felt an arrow go through his chest where it should have pinged off the side of him. Did she have x-ray vision? A superpower? How in the… hell?

“You have a tell. Vik used to teach me about tells.”

“You played cards, too, huh?” He asked.

“No. I wasn’t allowed. But I watched a lot.” Kara shrugged.

“Oh.” Well, at least she was honest. And easy to distract. It made it easier that she wasn’t pressing him. “So what’s my tell?”

“You have a crinkle. When you lie.” Kara just played with her fingernails, not even looking at him.

“That’s not my tell, that’s YOUR tell. You crinkle when you’re upset and not telling me.”

“Maybe we have the same one.” She shrugged again, and turned to look back out the window.

“I’m sorry, Kara. I don’t want to lie to you…” He was met with silence as she ignored him, drawing on the window with her finger. “It’s just. I don’t want… I… this life. You weren’t meant for this kind of thing."

“Neither were you,” she mumbled.

“You’re really stubborn, you know that?”

“Says you.”

He huffed. Kara was difficult and annoying and beautiful and he could never decide if he wanted to throw her up against a wall and kiss her or throw something at her face for actually fighting him on something. For arguing and for her agitating persistence when it came to things she cared about. On one hand, he admired that she refused to back down. It was so unlike what he would have expected from a former victim of abuse. And yet, here she was, talking back to him. It made him confused; the way his heart swelled with pride at the same time as utter annoyance.

“Just promise me one thing… okay?” Mon-El began.

“Depends on what it is.”

“I think that’s fair.”

“What is it?” Kara asked.

Mon-El realized they were getting closer to their destination and pulled off the highway, before willing himself to do the exact OPPOSITE of what he wanted. Why was he like this?! He said it anyway, despite himself. “If… if you hate me. For what I am. Just… just tell me.” He was firm. This is how it should be. She deserved better than him. She deserved to have the option.

“I don’t.”

“No I mean. Further down the line. When you… see.”

“So you  _are_  scared.”

_Dammit, Kara._  “Look, I’m just – Not sure. If... I’m good for you. I want to be. I really like being around you. And having you at… at home. You know?”

“But…?”

“But this is me. Whether you like it or not. And I won’t keep that from you, not if you don’t want me to. I don’t think that’s very fair.” Fine, she was right. He was downright terrified. But there was no way she could actually know that. And if Kara was to be with him, he wanted her to make the choice. She deserved the world and more. Be he still wanted her. He’d had nothing of real worth before her.

“Okay.”

“Okay? What do you mean okay?”

“I get to choose, right?”

“If you want to stay with me. Yes.”

“I already said I wanted to.”

“But...”

“Mon. You can stop now.”

“Huh?"

“Worrying. You think I haven’t seen terrible things? That you have to protect me or something? I’m not some innocent thing you can tarnish. Someone beat you to it a long time ago. I don’t care about what you’ve done. Or what’s happened to you. The last few months with you have been some of the best of my entire life. So just don’t.”

“Kara…"

“No. You don’t get to push me away because you are scared of what I’ll think of you. Okay?”

“So... So we are okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Just… one thing you should know about me then.”

“What’s that?”

“I’ll give you a clue. It has something to with a pet peeve of mine… and with your feet. And my car.”

Kara once again removed her feet from her comfy spot on the dash. “Was it that?”

“You know, we might just get along, you and I.” He grinned, trying to lighten the mood a little.

“You’re weird.” She admitted.

Mon-El just chuckled. “Well, I’ve been called worse.” He continued to drive and took out the mints from his jacket pocket, flicking the small metallic tin open for Kara first. “Mint?”

“Thanks."

 

*

 

 

Mon-El pulled over and killed the engine, pulling his stuff off the backseat towards him. “We are here. Stay in the car this time, would you?”

“But…”

“Please. I won’t be long. And we can get dinner on the way home. And talk some more. We can do anything you want. Please. It will just be easier for me.”

“Fine."

Well, at least his mad squirrel agreed to stay in the car. She had worn her gloves like he had asked, but he didn’t trust her not to fiddle and fidget and wander off. The last thing he needed was for Kara to knock something over or walk in front of a camera. He needed to think straight, and he couldn’t do that with a hyped-up Kara distracting him with strings of questions and her perceptive comments that always managed to take him by surprise and knock him on his arse. He flung his bag down over a wall into the bushes and then followed over, knowing the gate would have cameras pointed right at it. He had to approach from the side, and then deactivate and loop them. The motion sensors outside didn’t matter. Without cameras, he could easily pass as a stray cat.

Mon-El unzipped his bag when he found a panel next to the garden hose, taking out a small flashlight to inspect the wiring inside that controlled the outdoor security. He didn’t want to just deactivate the things, since obviously, that would be tampering. He would just loop them for a time, and then come back and set them to normal.

Much to his annoyance, none of the windows were open either, save for a few on the third floor. He wasn’t exactly a hardcore parkour kinda guy, so opted to just go in the front. Leaving the bag outside next to the panel, he tripped the motion sensor, but the cameras showed nothing. Onward, then.

Picking locks? Piece of cake. Deactivating an alarm? Also easy (thank you, Lena.) And the next bit… well.. finding the stupid thing Roulette wanted in a three-story house… more of a challenge. Luckily, the house was neat and tidy, and nothing out of the ordinary. Antique vases. Modern Art. A lavish embroidered rug. He shrugged, their taste was… eclectic. All money, no artistry. The first place Mon-El decided to look was the master bedroom on the top floor, making his way swiftly up the staircase with his hood up. When he got there, Mon-El ignored the beautiful jewellery on the nightstand next to a collection of costly perfumes. He wasn’t here for that. Though he could…. no. He was here for one thing. Might as well not take more than he needed from the Sampsons – it wasn’t like they were bad people – just a showy rich family with strange taste.

There was a carved wooden desk, old and beautiful, and that spoke ‘history’ to him, so the family heirlooms would be there, right? There was a large top drawer that needed a key to open – bingo. For something so valuable, it was a shame the thing would just be slipped into a top drawer. Then again, typical.

Mon-El was surprised to pick the lock and open the drawer, only to find important documents – passports and birth certificates, a few receipts to rather expensive purchases. Okay. So not there. Then where? He tried the wardrobe, the lingerie drawer, and yes, even under the bed, to no avail. It was then he spotted a picture, a framed wedding photograph, which of course wasn’t out of the ordinary. But duh – he should have thought about the walls. Carefully lifting it off its hook, Mon-El smiled when a modern-looking safe came into view.

“Hello, beautiful.” Mon-El purred, seeing his target.

It was then that he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out Luthor-Corp's trusty 25X. The great thing about modern safes these days, was that they were all electronic. Old school locks could be picked, and even sturdier safes could be broken into with less than challenging means if one was skilled enough. However, this was harder for most people. Except those privy to high-end tech, of course. It was a relief actually, that he didn’t have to spend a huge amount of time on something more traditional. Electronics were easy when you had your own Lena-Winn duo in your pocket.

Within a few seconds, thousands of codes were trialled and inputted within quick succession, until one the correct combination unlocked the safe door. With the passcode now entered, it was as simple as opening the safe carefully with gloved hands.

And there she was. Stunning. Mon-El knew Kara didn’t really like it, but there was something about The Moon Fortress. Maybe it was just the story – but if it was even slightly true, he was now holding a glass box with ancient history inside it. In his own two hands. He couldn’t doubt the thrill it gave him.

But with no time to waste, he needed to get back to Kara. (Before she ran off again and got him in shit or something). Mon-El quickly returned the framed photograph to its place, feeling a little sorry for the couple that would lose their most cherished possession. But he had a job to do and couldn’t linger on that feeling. Ducking back outside, Mon-El's stuff was still where he left it and it took only a few moments to return the security cameras to their usual setting and gently place The Moon Fortress in his bag. He’d missed this. A nice, easy job. It was relaxing, and somewhat enjoyable. He hated to admit it, but he was good at this. The thrill of success was something he was very much used to.

Shaking the thoughts off, Mon-El used the camera blindspots to make his way over to the property boundary, his backpack neatly over his shoulders while he climbed over. Dropping down like a cat, he was relieved to see his car was still parked under a tree in the distance. Well, at least she didn’t take his nice car on a joy ride. Not that Kara would. She was far too compliant for that. Though the thought did make him chuckle, he couldn’t ever imagine Kara stealing a car.

Mon-El dashed over and opened his door, only to be met with HIDEOUS music. "Please tell me you are not actually listening to this bullshit?” He closed his door and leant over to put his bag in the back seat.

"It’s someone called Katy Perry." Kara gleamed with this cute little smile and he almost let her keep listening to it. Almost.

“We are NOT listening to this shit in my Camero. Change it before someone hears this crap.”

“Fine. Fine… " She reluctantly pushed a button and it went back to some deep bass and hip-hop whatever thing that Mon-El liked. “Well, that was uneventful.” She said.

“I told you it would be.”

“I thought there'd be at least be something fun,” she whined, and Mon-El was thinking maybe he should keep his coffee grinds in a safe of his own.

“Uneventful is better. Trust me. Eventful is the cops being called and trying to escape before you are set upon by dogs, okay? We like uneventful.”

“I don’t.”

“Yes you do. Now here.” He let her hold the glass box with the Moon Fortress inside, maybe to give her something beautiful and distracting to look at to shut her up.

“oooooooOOO!”

Well, that was easy. “See. You DO think it’s pretty.”

“Well, now that I can see it up close. It’s stunning!” She turned the box a bit, trying to make the most of the little interior light in the car to see it sparkle.

“Don’t get too attached. You don’t get to keep it.”

“What if I say please?” She pouted.

“Nope. Don’t try that look on me. It’s not going to work.”

“It sometimes works.”

“So you DO do it on purpose! I knew it!” He started his car and pulled out onto the road. Thank goodness that one went off without a hitch. Maybe his luck wasn’t running out after all.

Kara continued to hold the glass box like it was the most important thing ever, which was good, since it was worth a shitload of money. Maybe if he just let her fiddle with something she wouldn’t get too wound up. Flipping caffeine. Jeepers, he hoped she would sleep. “What’s for dinner? I’m hungry,” She asked, while still staring wide-eyed at her little prize.

“Alright. Let’s celebrate a job well done. Late night noodles? Or do we want to go a bit more classy?”

“Noodles sounds great.” She smiled.

“Good.” He looked over and rolled his eyes. “Kara. What am I going to say?” He let his voice sound a little stern, watching her get a little sheepish and start to move her feet back down to the floor.

“Feet off the dash?”

"Thank you.”

 

**


	61. Haunted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. First off, Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2018 treats you well. 
> 
> 2\. Next most important thing. WARNING. TRIGGER WARNING MAJOR FUCKING TRIGGER WARNING. Please note, that this is an 18+ adult fic, written by a an adult, and has maxed out ratings for a reason. This fic was never intended to be read by anyone 16 or under, but I have no control over that. I've actually censored myself a little and didn't go all out, but if you are sensitive and/or might be triggered by the content of my fic, don't read it. 
> 
> If you choose to continue, please also note that how you interpret this entire 62 chapter work, may be different to my own understanding, intentions, or interpretations when I write it. (If you are super curious or have questions, you are welcome to ask via inbox or comment. If you ask rhetorical questions though, I sometimes answer so you might wanna be clear if you want something explained or not ;) ANYWAY)
> 
> Now that you have been sufficiently warned. This chapter has not been beta-ed. So there might also be mistakes or whatnot. But fuck it. Here's the second to last chapter of Part 1.
> 
> 3\. P.s. Format is a little weird and experimental. Dunno if it works. But we will see...
> 
> -

 

 

 

Kara wasn’t sure what exactly it was that sent her into a tailspin. Perhaps it was the scent of a particular cologne that burned through her nose as she sat down. She was waiting for Mon-El to bring her a glass of water and their food, but let her eyes linger on the man that passed by her table, staring at his back before he disappeared into the loud, indistinguishable buzz of people at the food place Mon-El had chosen for them. The night markets were busy, despite the lateness of the hour, so she never got another glimpse of the stranger who walked by. She tried to ignore it – the taste in the roof of her mouth that was sickly sweet – tried to block it out from her mind. But it was getting more and more difficult to breathe with that… that scent, burning into her brain. 

And the memories that came along with it... 

 ***

 

_"Kitten? I gotta go away for the weekend and can't bring you with me. I'll be leaving you with my main man. He'll look after you."_

_He meant Khan. No. No no no. Not him._

_"I... can't be with you?" Kara tried her luck, morphing into the doting submissive her master so desperately wanted her to be. Anything to not be left with his friend. Moving to him, she let her hand soothe over his shoulder blades from behind before wrapping her arms around his middle._

_He turned to her, smiling for once – clearly enjoying her clingy behaviour. "I'm sorry, Kitten. If it's any consolation, I'll miss you while I'm gone.” Vik put his hands to Kara’s waist and pulled her close._

_Her master pressed his lips to hers while she made an effort not to squirm out from his grip. She felt grey and void. Nothing. His cologne was strange today – she wasn’t sure why she’d noticed, but it must be new. It was thick and musky and far too sweet. She didn’t like it. It was potent and overbearing. Somehow though, she suspected the new scent wasn't for her. Her master had started going out more, sometimes bringing other girls home. Younger, prettier girls. Kara didn't know if he'd just gotten bored, or if she could no longer keep him satisfied, but he'd started showing more and more interest in others._

_She tried to keep him happy. She’d tried so darn hard to just keep him happy. But it hadn't been enough. And he would often turn to others._

_Kara would make excuses; being too ill or feverish, or feigning drunkenness, even if she got a beating for it. She wouldn’t subject another human being to this lifestyle or be any part of his seducing young girls. She just wouldn’t. Eventually, he seemed to not even care. She'd thought maybe if she tried hard enough, her master would change, or that he would see she was much better at knowing his preferences and what he liked. Wasn't she more special than they were? That's why he kept her around, wasn't it?_

_Blinking a few times, Kara noticed her master had returned to packing his things, reaching into his top drawer for her tracking bracelet. She raised her arm automatically to offer her wrist, though still trying to get out of her newest predicament. "So I cant stay here?” She felt the bracelet click, the cursed silver thing that meant she would have to go, even if she didn’t want to._

_“I gotta have someone to look out for you,” he replied. “To guard against those that would plunder a mans home for his prized jewel... while he was away leaving it unprotected.” Her master looked down at her, firm with his words. But they sounded almost… romantic?_

_"I'm your prized jewel?” She asked quietly._

_"Of course, Kitten.”_  

*  
  
_Kara sat in silence while the boys watched a boxing match, sitting in her master's lap like usual. He was drinking rum, not that it was strange for him to do that in the middle of the day, but she didn’t want any so early. So instead, she had to suffer through the stupid conversations and occasional hollering at the television screen. At least she was comfy for the time being, safe with her master and not yet alone with the male across the room who she loathed._

_"Who’s your money on, Darlin’?” Khan asked her, taking a sip of his beer._

_“Mayweather,” she spoke. She didn’t know anything about boxing, but it was her master’s choice. So it was her’s as well._

_“That’s my Kitten.” She felt him breathe in her ear, giving her a light squeeze to show his approval. At least she could keep him happy today, even though lately it seemed like nothing she did was ever enough. She wanted this to last as long as possible before he left her – left her with the hideous man over on the other couch._

_Khan just shrugged. “Figured.” He finished his beer and ditched the bottle with the others. "So when’s you’re flight, man? Leaving soon I guess?”_

_She felt her master's chest rumble when he spoke behind her. “Yeah, I’ll just finish this drink and head off.” He nodded. "You sure you’re okay taking Kara for the weekend?”_

_Khan grinned. “Of course. We had fun last time, didn’t we, love?”_

_Kara sank back more into her master’s chest, holding onto his arms that were wrapped around her middle while snuggling into him. She didn’t want him to go. More than that – she definitely didn’t want to stay with HIM._

_“Khan asked you a question, Kitten.” Her master didn’t seem to mind her sudden needy affections, but still reprimanded her for ignoring his friend._

_“I prefer Vik,” she spoke honestly, earning a few chuckles from the men. That’s probably as much as she could say without getting into trouble, but she chose to glare at Khan from her space sitting safely in her master’s lap as she said it._

_“That you should, darlin’,” the other male just nodded. "Still, I’m sure I’m not terrible company,” he winked. Ugh. Go to hell. Sick bastard. Kara wanted to spit the words at him. But she couldn’t, of course, so just kept her mouth shut. Luckily, she didn’t have to reply before Vik chuckled again._

_“Yeah not terrible company, just not as good company as me. Too bad, my brother.” He placed a quiet kiss on Kara's cheek to show he’d won most-desirable-male-of-the-room, but immediately shoved her off his lap to get up. “Come on, then. Better make sure I get to the airport on time.” He left Kara on the couch and she saw him take out a small wad of cash. Her master was paying his friend? That made no sense. He’d get enough satisfaction out of being alone with her again, surely. Her heart dropped into the dark pool that sat at the bottom of her stomach, murky and dismal. She felt so helpless. The whole weekend?_

_But she couldn’t do anything about it except try not to cry her makeup off or vomit on her new dress. She heard them speaking near the dining room table, and just wanted to sink into the couch cushions enough to disappear._

_“She’s allergic to almonds. Other than that, you’re fine.” Vik swirled the last of his rum around the bottom of his glass before chucking it back._

_“Wow. You know your girl well.”_

_“Yes, I do know my girl well. And you’d best remember that.” He was stern. It was strange, the way her master was so possessive, and yet letting his friend just have her – borrow her – like he would a car or jacket. No, Khan was getting paid too. So he was basically a pet sitter for the weekend. "The bracelets got a tracker in it so she doesn’t wander off. And if your slack arse loses her I can find her again. Gets in the way sometimes, so if you wanna take it off, just chuck it back on her when you’re done. It will send me a notification though, so try not to take it off and then put it back on a million times a day. I don’t want my phone being a nuisance."_

_"I’ll try not to. Girl’s good with her hands."_

_"Don’t I know it.” The men laughed, and Kara wondered if they even considered her to exist. Just trading her like boys with their playing cards, talking about their spoils. Come to think of it, she wouldn’t mind a bit of rum.  
  
_ _*  
  
_ _Kara sat with her arms crossed over herself, still on the couch unmoving. Now what? Her throat began it’s violent struggle for air, while the room itself seemed to move. This is what she imagined it would like to be sea-sick, though she’d never experienced the hellish feeling for herself before, only ever had it described to her in books. It was an effort not to throw up on her shoes while she just sat there, waiting._

_“Well, Kitten.. am I allowed to call you Kitten? Of course I am. Well, I need to go out for a bit. Will bring us back some of the good stuff for tonight, and probably pop down for some booze while I’m out too. Any requests?”_

_She seethed. I am NOT your Kitten, she thought to herself before replying. “Vodka,” she mumbled. She would need something strong if she was going to survive the night. Hell, maybe he’d even be impressed that she could drink herself into a stupor to avoid her mind having to be present._

_“Sorry, what was that darlin’?”_

_“Vodka. Russian Vodka. Valek, you know him?”_

_“Of course. He has the best shit in town. Well, don’t you have expensive taste…” Khan pocketed his keys, and she felt sudden relief grip her soul. Thank Rao, he was leaving for a while. “Anything else? Some Skylar Reds, perhaps?” He asked before tugging his boots on._

_“Sure.” Kara shrugged. She’d never say no to a few cigarettes._

_“Cool. I’ll catch you in a bit. Then we can have some fun later. TV is all yours. Food and beer in the fridge.”_

_Kara nodded a slight gesture that she’d heard him. Not to actually thank him. He just rolled his eyes and headed for the door._

_“And don’t wander off. I’m not getting my arse handed to me because of you. Got it?”_

_“Fine."_

 ***

 

"You okay?” Mon-El watched Kara flinch when he returned with a glass of water and their order of noodles. She appeared to be lost in thought as he sat down across from her and put her plate down. Usually, she would be delighted to eat. “Kara? Earth to Kara…” He waved in front of her face to snap her out of it, but instead, watched as she shoved her chair back so hard it slammed into someone. Mon-El abruptly rose to his feet and start profusely apologizing to the strangers around her that were confused by her strange behaviour. 

“Please. Please don’t. Please!”

He quickly grabbed her shoulders, but she kept stumbling backwards into people "Kara, calm down. You’re safe.” He felt Kara rip herself away from him, like his touch had stung her skin and left a burn.

“No!"

“Kara, I think you're having a panic attack or something. I'm right here. Nothing is happening, you're fine. I promise.” He kept reaching for her and resorted to holding her still with his arms around her. He let her continue to struggle in his grip, ignoring the wary looks that he was getting from strangers that seemed to think he was assaulting her. 

“Please!”

“Shhhh. Shhh. It’s alright. I’m here. You’re okay.” He rubbed up and down her back to try ground her, still speaking calmly. 

“Mon?”

“Yeah, sweetheart. It’s me. Are you… are you having a panic attack?”

“Help. Can’t.” Kara's breathing was sharp and tense, which would not at all help her current state.

“Just breathe, okay? You're safe with me. No one's going hurt you."

“–No. No no no!” 

 

_All she could make out is that she was suffocating. Drowning in a pool of thick darkness. His weight was smothering and hurting with each breath, but she couldn’t move. Was she… paralyzed? She willed her body to move, but no muscles obeyed her screaming. Her desperate, loud, screaming. The muscles of her throat were completely numb, and she couldn’t make a sound as he used her limp body for whatever he wanted – his hands around her neck as he violated her._

_There was a part of her that knew she knew she was drunk – drunk enough to dull sensation and deafen the anxiety. But she wasn’t anywhere near intoxicated enough to be paralyzed. He… he must have spiked her drink._

_She gasped for air as he did foul, cruel things to her body without her consent, barely breathing. She wondered if he’d given her too much, and the dull, numbing paralysis would stop her diaphragm from naturally taking in air. Maybe if she was lucky, she would die._

_The sensation of smothering only increased, as did the pain in her thigh where his knee was digging into her small frame. Somehow, her body still managed to let tears escape, though she had no control over any physicality beyond conscious thought. She vowed to make sure she was blackout drunk next time, lest she have to remember any of the horrid acts she was somehow a part of, and yet, also not a part of at all._  

***

 

“It’s aright, Kara. We were about to have dinner together. You're in the night markets down on The Strand. Yeah? You remember that?”

“Don’t don’t don’t. Please don’t.” Kara kept shaking her head in a distressed kind of trance, muttering strings of incoherent words.

“Shhhh, Kara, it’s alright. It's Mon-El. I’m not hurting you. I’d never hurt you."

 

_When Kara woke up sore and nauseous, she found her body would finally move when she told it to. She crashed her way into the bathroom and turned the shower on, allowing her to crawl into the corner of it and cry her heart out. She tried to keep quiet as she wept, and just let the water soak into her hair and skin. The sickening, defiled feeling of lament was insufferable – burning in her chest and gut. It should have been familiar by now – the awful sensations of filth clinging to her innermost parts… along with a marred body to match._

_The water didn’t do much to soothe her pain. One thing was certain – she wasn’t going to stay here any longer. Her bracelet was still off. And she didn’t really care where she went at this point. She didn’t have the mental capacity to work out how she would survive. But she didn’t care about any of that. As long as she wasn’t here..._

_***_

 

“Hey, you’re alright.” Mon-El tried to get through to Kara, turning to a few people that began to intrude on his space and try to tell him to leave her alone.  _"...She’s my girlfriend, you prick, and she’s having a panic attack. Just give us some space. Go…”_

“Kara, I’m trying to help you. You’re safe. Breathe.”  
   
"Mon? You're.. you're here?” She suddenly stopped, and seemed confused by his presence. 

“Yeah. I'm right here."

"But..."

"I'm here. With you. I promise.”

“Make it stop."

 

_When she exited the bathroom, he was awake._

_Fuck._

_The dread ripped through her soul as she saw Khan was sat up against the headboard waiting for her. A towel was still draped lazily over her frame as she ignored him and started to look for some clothes._

_No. Not clothes, her sleepwear. He would notice if she put on real clothes._

_“Looking for this?” He held out an emerald silk, which she was forced to gingerly take from him. She moved to his side and took it quickly before getting out of his reach. “Not even a thank you?” His eyes raked over her, waiting for her to get changed. She could go back to the bathroom. But what was the point? He’d already seen everything anyway._

_She huffed and hastily turned around to pull her nightdress over her head, feeling a cold stare behind her as if fluttered down to rest near her thighs. Her breathing was rapid, the racing, acidic burn in her lungs returning._

_"I’m gonna have a cigarette out on the balcony. You’re welcome to join me.” Khan moved to open the sliding door, the temperature barely any different outside from that of indoors. He left it open for her, lighting a cigarette and watching the city below in peace. Eventually, she decided to join him, with no real options for escaping now that he was awake. Dawn was already starting to break - barely. But she knew it was early morning._

_Khan didn’t say anything as he opened the packet and slid a cigarette out just enough for her to grab it, also passing her his lighter. At least she had this. This respite. The eye of a hurricane, perhaps._

 ***

 

  
“Maybe you should sit down, yeah?” Mon-El guided Kara back to her seat, though she was wide-eyed and seemingly terrified of something he couldn’t see. “Are you okay? Do you wanna tell me what’s going on?”

She shook her head abruptly, tears forming and the ability to move her mouth just suddenly gone. 

“That’s okay. You hungry?”

She shook her head again, and Mon-El’s heart sank. In the car, she had said that she was ‘friggin' starving,’ and had been nagging him to hurry up so she could eat dinner. Now, she just sat there with her hands in her lap, barely moving. 

 

_Kara never did get another chance to get away from Khan like she’d hoped. Between dragging her out to buy himself a new Jaguar and expensive watch, a night in the clubs, gambling and drinking and drugs, the weekend passed almost as quickly as it came. The only chances to escape were through highs and copious amounts of liquor._

_Now, waiting outside on the steps, Kara was relieved that the nightmare was over for the time being. Though, she did resent her master for leaving her with his friend again._

_“Waiting for Vik are ya?”_

_She heard Khan behind her, leaning in the doorway watching her. “I miss him,” she breathed. She just wanted to go home. Back to what was familiar._

_“Suit yourself.” Khan went back inside, leaving Kara to fiddle with her hair and just sit on the steps the led down to the driveway. She didn’t know what time he’d be back today to pick her up. But she’d just wait here. For as long as it took. She went to fiddle with her bracelet like she so often did, only to notice it was missing. Her tracker. It wasn’t on her wrist._

_But it didn’t matter now, her master was coming to pick her up and the weekend was over. Now it didn’t really matter. Did it? But... he might not be back until the afternoon. Maybe... Khan would try to use her again before then. Maybe this would… would happen again in there future? It wasn’t the first time her master had just left her with his friend... and seemed to have no problems sharing her. Lending her out. Especially now that he’d found alternative female company to spend time with. Maybe… No. Where would she go? She should stay. She didn’t have anywhere to go._

_Unless... Diamond earrings were worth a lot, right?_

_No. That… that wasn’t an option. That would never be an option._

__***_ _

 

“Maybe we should just go home. I didn’t really think about it being too loud in here for you. You’ve been really good recently I didn’t even think…” Mon-El trailed off, crouched down next to Kara’s chair to be at her eye level. She refused to look at him, tears still dropping silently to the table. “Do you want to go home?” He asked gently. 

Kara just nodded, her eyes still not leaving their place focused on the middle of the table. 

 

_"Seriously? Are you going to sit out here all day? Come on inside. Vik’s flight doesn’t get in till tonight anyway. I’ll make you a drink. I thought common sense would hit you soon enough, but I guess not.”_

_Kara heard Khan getting pissed off, calling from the doorway behind her and berating her for being so ‘desperate’ that she’d been ‘sitting there like a loyal dog for the last four hours.’ She looked over her shoulders to see his signature creep grin and dark eyes staring at her._

_“I’m fine.” She turned back to facing out the gate, staring down the driveway that would lead out to the road._

_“That wasn’t really an offer. I’m looking after you. Now do what you’re told and come inside.”_

_“I’d rather wait for Vik.” She muttered._

_“He’s not getting here anytime soon. Seriously, stop being a dramatic little shit and come inside.”_

_She hated him. He wasn’t her master. He was no one – just some hideous, disgusting, cruel man that she wanted nothing to do with. His footfalls got louder as he started to make his way over to her causing her to jump up, before she started backing away from him._

_“Now now, don’t do something you might regret. Let’s just go inside and have a nice drink. And wait for Vik to come by later tonight.” He put his hands on his hips and stared her down, his growing anger apparent in the deep lines across his forehead._

_“No.”_

_“Excuse me?” He barked, and started stomping towards her._

_Kara’s eyes widened at his sudden aggression, and before she knew what she was doing, Kara had turned and was running away._

 ***

 

“Food should stay hot for a little while if you want it later. Plastic fork is in the box. I’m not really one for eating off plastic cutlery, but it does the job if you get a little hungry on the way home.”

Kara wasn’t sure how she ended up back in Mon-El’s car on the freeway. Looking down at her lap, her food was in a white container, the heat seeping into her jeans. She’d only just noticed. 

“You’re scaring me a little bit. Please say something, Kara.” Mon-El tried to be encouraging. Her movements were mechanical, and nothing like her earlier caffeinated and curious energy.

“Tired,” she whispered. It was all she could manage in her current state. The pain was… visceral. Almost like she was remembering by being really there. Not just a memory. It was like she was there. 

 

_It had been months. She could feel it – her body was dying._

_Kara's muscles had slowly been eating away at themselves for so long, that the aching in her joints and constant pressure in her lower legs felt like an insufferable, high pitched whine that never left her alone. Small spasms of constricting pain reminded her constantly of her misery. And that she was going to slowly starve._

_Her heart rate was erratic – palpitations that scared her almost as much as the sound of her master coming home. She was safe under the bed - he couldn’t reach her. Her master was too lazy and large, and his threats of putting a bullet in her didn’t matter anymore. If he did it, she would no longer feel pain, so why should she care? If he finally killed her, he could no longer use her body for whatever he pleased. She was exhausted. Tired of bruises and broken bones. Tired of kisses that meant nothing. Tired of the constant fear. Tired of never being able to keep her master happy._

_Just... tired._

_But today was different. Her master sat cross-legged on the floor for hours, just talking to her. Apologizing. Offering her food. Rao, how her body ached. But if she ate what he offered, she couldn’t die of starvation and then this would just take longer._

_Her bones screamed. She needed food. And he was being so nice._

_“Kitten?”_

_…_

_“Darling, please. I know I’ve been stressed at work and horrible. But please. I forgive you for trying to leave me. Perhaps I just hadn’t been giving you enough attention. I’ve had a lot on and… I suppose it might be my own fault.”_

_…_

_“Come on, Kitten. I got us some Pizza. Not fancy or nothin'. Just a bite to eat. You can’t stay under there forever...”_

_She could. She was terrified of what he would do to her. Some days his threats were more violent imaginings than the pain of staying where he couldn't reach her._

_Which side should she believe? The threat to beat her or the promise to soothe her pain? It was better to just be left alone to die. He was a monster. She tried to keep him happy. She’d tried so darn hard to just keep him happy. But she wasn’t enough. She’d never be enough._

_Her body was covered in scars that he’d left and then he’d gone and left her with his friend to be hideously marked for life. If her master’s only use for her was to keep her around to lend her out to his friend, well, he could go to hell. She’d finally cracked. He didn’t want her. He didn’t love her or think her special. She had no value anymore. Nothing. She had nothing. She would always have nothing._

_At least here, he couldn’t touch her. Not while she was safely tucked away in her place on the floor waiting to die in peace._

 ***

 

Kara collapsed onto the couch the moment she got in the door, since it was the closest thing for her to lay down on. She curled up and stayed there, shaking. 

“Is there… something I can get you? Do I need to call someone?” 

“Tired.” She muttered again. "Here is fine."

“You don’t really look okay. Kara, you’re pale and shaking. What’s wrong?" 

 

_It had taken months for her master to finally gain enough trust for her to crawl out from her dark space. She was just so tired. So hungry._

_But she regretted it the moment she was within his reach._

_“Finally, you little bitch!” He grabbed her immediately, and she didn’t have the strength to struggle against him. He beat the shit out of her - punishment for her rebellion. She was meant to obey her master, she knew that. So she got what she deserved._

_When she woke up again, there was something around her neck._

_"Now you sleep there and I can just haul you out whenever you disobey me. You got that?!"_

_She trembled, unable to talk._ _“Water,” she croaked. Her lips were cracked and swollen. Everything hurt so much._

_"Say please, and I'll think about whether you deserve some."_

_“Please,” she breathed._

_She was a slave to this life. Somehow, she didn’t think that would ever change._

_The next four days were inexplicably and undeniably, her worst. He used his fists first – punishment for her months in hiding. Kara thought it would be her ribs that would hurt the most. But in the end, it was the sting of her swollen lip and the throbbing just behind the eyes that brought her the most discomfort, along with her lower back where he had jammed his knee into her. Still, it was her own fault for disobeying. She'd disobeyed him for months. He had a lot to make up for._

_Kara didn’t know at what point it all became more of a form of sick entertainment than a punishment. He would ask her loaded questions, and strike her for each one she got wrong. There was never any way for her to answer correctly – he would twist her words so that she would always fail. It was the most excruciating four days of her life. She was nothing more than a plaything for a rabid dog. A toy to chew into bits and then spit out when the stuffing came loose._

_“Did you really think you could really get away from me?”_

_“…No,” she mumbled._

_“Wrong. You did, or you wouldn’t have tried it.”_

_..._

_“Why are you crying? You brought this on yourself. Shut the hell up.”_

_She couldn’t. The sobs still came, and it earned her another beating._

_“You must enjoy this, otherwise you would stop. Are you enjoying this?”_

_“...No. Please.”_

_“Then why did you defy me? After everything I’ve done to care for you and let you stay here with me.”_

_“Please.”_

_“Did you want to leave me?”_

_“…No.”_

_“Liar.”_

 ***

 

Mon-El decided it best to just settle down on the couch with Kara. Whatever she was going through seemed to be causing her a lot of pain, whether post-traumatic stress or memories or just the after effects of anxiety making her tired, he didn’t really know. But there wasn’t much he could do besides be there for her. Speaking to her quietly. Reminding her she was safe. And hoping she was as strong as he believed – strong enough to survive whatever hell she’d endured that made her react like this. 

 

_Her master's personal favourite was a small jagged blade, green and black with a snake twisting around the handle. The moment he pulled it from among his other cherished things, there was a strange calmness about him. It was like her distress gave him a sense comfort and ease, as if he actually enjoyed the misery and fear in her eyes._

 

Mon-El held Kara for as long as she needed, patient and calm. He’d never felt such a dark, hopeless feeling before, but seeing Kara distressed was painful. He felt awful – that he couldn’t do anything to help her. "Is there anything I can do?”

“Just be here. With me.”

 

* * *

 


	62. Ending...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all. Sorry for being away from updating. Literally had one chapter left and the muse decided to say 'fuck you' and wander off. (Writers block is a bitch.) Anyway. Here's the last chapter of Part 1. And don't let the chapter title fool you, we are no where NEAR the ending or finished the story. Lion is a trilogy. I have plans. You probably don't think you like those plans right now. But there's at least 50 chapters of content after this. Peace and love.
> 
> #chaoticburn
> 
> -

 

Mon-El got up to fetch Kara a glass of water, and discarded his coat over the armrest of the couch. He made sure to keep his movements slow and quiet, moving to the kitchen and filling a glass before returning to her. She was still shaking – ignoring him when he talked or moved. “I got you some water.” He sat down next to her and soothed his hand over her back, attempting to get Kara to uncurl from her place tightly coiled around herself. He’d never seen her like this — just trembling in the fetal position on the couch. It was like she was trapped in an ongoing nightmare. 

“What’s wrong, Kara?”

Kara still refused to speak, so he put the glass of water down on the table. He reached for her, his hand finding her shoulder and resting there, wondering what kind of monster could have reduced her to this state.

“Would you prefer a bed? To the couch, I mean?”

Kara simply shook her head slightly, signaling that she was fine exactly where she was. The pain in Mon-El’s chest grew to a dark pool, unable to reach her. Her unresponsive manner was nothing like he was used to. Tonight, she was aloof and distant, like she was barely alive. It reminded him of the night he brought her home – her silence. 

“I’m here. Anything you need, okay?” Remaining calm, Mon-El's voice was soft and encouraging, but laced with desperation as he tried to get some kind of response. “Come on, Kara.” _Please._  He didn’t know how to help her. 

He was surprised when she suddenly moved, responding to his touch. She pulled herself up to a sitting position, enough to lean fully into him and hide her face in his collar. She was still lightly trembling, but calm. Her breathing had slowed considerably – warm on his shoulder, her face buried in his shirt.

"You okay?” He asked. 

Kara nodded lightly in return, her eyes still closed as she didn’t make any effort to speak. 

“Alright. You just let me know if you need anything.” He moved one of the couch cushions behind him, trying to get more comfortable without disturbing Kara as he leaned down, taking her weight with him. It didn’t take much to kick his shoes off and let them fall to the floor, before reaching for his coat to quietly drape over her. “You warm enough?”

He felt Kara nod again, even weaker than the last time, leading Mon-El to believe she would at least maybe fall asleep. It was confusing, how she had seemed completely fine when they had gone out, at least compared to now. He shouldn’t have been too surprised; there had been times before when she had very suddenly become anxious or upset, had nightmares, or become volatile. But it was this — the unresponsive silence – that made it clear just how much damage had been done by the things she had endured.

Maybe he should give Lena a call… perhaps, she could put him in touch with someone to help her. Lena was rigid and considered herself too intelligent to submit herself to someone else’s care – but she had contacts, good ones, so though she refused to go to therapy herself for any reason, it was rare for her to surround herself with anyone except the absolute best. Surely she would know a good psychologist or two. 

Mon-El suddenly wished there was a way to turn the lights off without moving. Kara had settled, his arm wrapped around her to keep her from falling off the couch. It’s not like he could get up, but he wasn’t really one for sleeping with lights on, either. He supposed he could keep an eye on Kara, and just rest and think for a bit. They’d already been out most of the night, so morning would come soon enough. Maybe if he was lucky, he’d still be able to get some sleep. 

 

*

 

_Everything hurt so much. Why was her master like this? One minute charming, pleasant, and even seeming to really want her. He always wanted her. Adored her. But now, she was just ready for the end. She didn’t have any fight left – and what was there to fight for anyway? More misery? The hope for change that would never come had died along with her will to placate him any longer. His words were just blurring together now, though sometimes they hurt; a phrase that she would catch here and there. But most of them were becoming dull background noise to the loud hissing in her ears, as the fear and pain rushed through every thought. It made it difficult to really understand what he was saying._

_“You have no one. No one except me. You understand? I made sure of that a long time ago.” Vik continued to bark at her, causing every kind of pain and punishment she could imagine. She knew he had been the one to take her in – to look after her all these years. But what he was implying... she never wanted to ever think about. She’d blocked it from her mind a long time ago._

_“Surely you remember, Miss Kara Danvers. I still have a scar from where that bratty little brunette decided to bite into my arm. Tough cookie, your older sister.”_

_“No…” Kara mumbled, weakly shifting her head. No. It wasn’t true._

_“Come on, Kitten. Don’t play dumb. What happened to your family again? Do try and remember...”_

_“They… they died in a house fire. That’s what you said._ That’s _what I remember…” She was sobbing, a part of her knowing it wasn’t really true. She’d chosen it to be true. Wanted it to be true. But the realities were very different – too difficult and painful to ever face._

 _“Surely you don’t_ actually _believe that. You were there, that little cover story was just a ruse.” He grinned, knowing he was dragging Kara through her worst nightmare. "But you already know that, don’t you, Kitten...”_

_Kara just kept shaking her head. “No…no no. It’s…. nmm” She starting making weak sounds, becoming more incoherent. She didn’t want to remember..._

 

*

 

Kara’s fidgeting in her sleep turned more restless, leaving Mon-El little choice but to wake her. He smoothed his hand down the length of her arm, trying to pull her gently from sleep. “Kara? You’re dreaming.” 

He heard her inhale sharply, but she didn’t startle quite as much as he expected. Her gaze quickly found his own, locking in place. She didn’t say anything, having lifted her head to see she was safe with him, exactly where she’d fallen asleep… 

But her _eyes_. Mon-El felt that he was staring into a void – Kara’s blank expression barely containing any light or relief. It broke his heart. 

“Mon?”

“Yeah. Hi... You feeling alright?”

Kara didn’t answer, but instead, lay her head back down to his chest, her ear settled next to his ribs. Her gaze fixed upon the wall on the opposite side of the room, choosing to remain silent. Mon-El just lay back, letting his question float away unanswered. 

He was exhausted, but he still listened to Kara's breathing and waited to see if she would say anything. He hoped she would at least find some form of comfort being with him, even if the circumstances that kept bringing them together were… less than pleasant. It was, like many things about being with her, conflicting. He didn’t want this for her. Not at all. But being close to her made him feel… different. The weight pressing down on him, matched with the heavenly smell of her hair… He couldn’t remember a time he’d ever had a moment like this one, trusting and close. He could only hope she maybe found some relief with him, just as he did with her.

“Does it help?” Kara suddenly asked, but seemed to have forgotten that he didn’t have access to any of the thoughts in her brain, the question having no context to it. 

“Does what help?” He let his head loll to the side to talk to the back of her head, while she continued to face away from him.

“The booze. That’s why you have it, right?”

Huh? He didn’t really call it booze. Hard liquor. Beer. Bordeaux. But not booze. She continued to surprise him with her language choices and random thought patterns. “Uhh... I like to drink. Why? Did you want some?”

“Will it help?”

“Uhhh... I don’t think that’s–“

“–A good idea...” Kara seemed to be annoyed as she finished his sentence before it left his mouth. Why would that annoy her? He was concerned for her wellbeing, that’s all. He wasn’t trying to be restrictive or controlling. 

He sighed. “Red or white?”

“Huh?” 

“Wine. Which do you prefer?” 

She lifted herself up then, pulling her body up awkwardly and perching herself on the edge of the couch cushions. “I thought…” She trailed off, puzzled by him changing his mind.

“It’s okay. If you want some...” Mon-El shrugged. Now wasn’t really the time to get into a discussion about what was good or healthy or why he thought it was a bad idea. He should allow the choice. Kara didn’t need his permission to try find ways to self-soothe, even ones that were probably not the best way to deal with things. In fact, a little ‘booze’ probably would help her get back to sleep. She was already tired and it would ease some of her stress. He didn’t want her to rely on such things in future, but he could make the exception tonight. It wasn’t his place to tell her what she could and couldn’t use to cope. “I mean, there’s scotch too, but that might not taste very nice to you. Wine is probably better?"

"White.” Kara started chewing on her nails, finally deciding what she would prefer.

“Of course. Something a little sweet?”

“Please.” She nodded lightly, while Mon-El got up to fetch them both a glass of something to drink. 

 

*

 

Mon-El awoke to a crick in his neck, soft breathing next to his chin that had the strangest hint of peach, and in an awkwardly compromising position. Kara was laying right on top of him, covering his body with her own. He still wasn’t quite used to having someone else in his personal space (at least not like this, not with anyone _important_ ). But he found it oddly safe and soothing when it was her. He let it go, knowing she wouldn’t be here with him if she wasn’t comfortable. 

He waited for Kara to wake up in her own time, and she didn’t say anything or acknowledge him when she finally woke and got up to take a shower. He decided against stopping her to ask how she was first — whether she was okay or wanted to talk. She clearly didn’t, a wall encasing her from the outside world as she remained in an aloof and dejected state. 

After such a long night, Mon-El decided to just take a day off work. After he had his morning coffee and dropped the Moon Fortress off to Eve, he promptly disappeared from Daxam and retreated back home, lounging around doing… well... not a lot. He was tired, and with nothing pressing to do, there was no reason to stay at work just for the sake of it. He made Kara a late brunch – french toast with berries and fresh cream, before slumping down on the couch and putting his feet up. Kara was especially quiet, but joined him after coming back inside from smoking a cigarette out in the courtyard. (He didn’t mention it.)

“Feet,” Kara mumbled. All her previous high strung energy seemed to have been zapped – the night that had passed forgotten easily. She was still moving slowly and speaking quietly, which was fair enough – she was tired and couldn’t be bothered to speak in full sentences. Hopefully should would be back to normal soon. “Please,” she mumbled when he didn’t respond right away, starting to shove him. 

Mon-El quickly made room for her and then tapped the spot next to him so that she could lay down again. He too, was also out of words and energy this morning. “Movie?”

“Sure.”

He didn’t really care what they’d end up watching, since he didn’t really plan on staying awake for all of it. Naps during the day were justified after being awake all night, right? He just opened his Netflix queue and let it play whatever was on next. Something about a couple who erased each other from their memories or some shit. Whatever. 

“Hair.”

“Sorry.” Kara smoothed her hair out of the way so that it wasn’t blocking his ability to breathe, and shuffled down a little so he could still see. “Wzzit called?” Kara mumbled while facing the screen as it started to play, but he was nearly already out of it.

“Uhm. Eternal sunshine of... somthin'.”

“K.” 

 

*

 

The couch was starting to become a bit of a sanctuary to the two of them, whether drifting in and out of sleep, or returning to it after grabbing a snack or drink or brief ‘break' out in the courtyard. All day it was their spot, and no other place in the house seemed quite as comfortable. They had gone upstairs for a little while, when Mon-El suggested they play some more piano. Since he was home, and he knew Kara liked it, he wanted to offer her the opportunity, and maybe hoped it could cheer her up. She had obliged, but she didn’t last more than a few minutes before just giving up and leaning her head on his shoulder, sitting in her same unresponsive manner as the previous night. Usually, Mon-El didn’t like to bum around at home doing nothing, but today seemed to call for it. They decided to just return to the couch and stay there the rest of the afternoon. 

He had drifted off for a while again, only waking when he noticed he’d gotten cold. Blinking a few times, he looked over through the glass sliding door, but Kara wasn’t there. He listened out for her instead, thinking maybe she had gone to the kitchen or bathroom. A few more seconds of silence, and he got up, just wanting to check she was alright. 

“Kara?”

He found her down the far end of the house in his ensuite, and he entered just in time to see Kara vomiting. 

He cursed. 

“Fuck." Mon-El crossed the tiles and promptly took up residence sitting on the floor next to her, running a hand down her spine. "Why didn’t you say something?” His voice broke, just suddenly unable to deal with everything he was seeing Kara go through. Shit, was he crying? _No way_. He was temporarily distracted by the strange new sensation blocking his vision, but shook it off when Kara vomited again and then groaned. 

“Kara...I think… I think I need to take you to see someone. I… I don’t know what to do. This is… a bit beyond me.” He rubbed her shoulder encouragingly, but was becoming desperate to end whatever was going on for her. Her distress was so visceral, in how she carried herself and talked and moved... and now this. 

Kara shook her head weakly and got up to flush the toilet, before moving to the sink and turning it on. She rinsed her mouth out, and then walked out of the bathroom like nothing had even happened. He chased after he to find she had just moved to his bed and flung herself down on top of it. “Just leave it,” she mumbled into a pillow, closing her eyes once again.

“Kara, please.”

“It’s just stress.” She muttered, not opening her eyes. 

“I… I still think I should take you… somewhere. Like a… professional. Or something.”

“I don’t wanna,” she mumbled again. 

Mon-El’s shoulders sank. But he couldn’t think of anything else. He needed to do something. He couldn’t just sit here having no idea what the hell was even going on or why it was suddenly happening now. He did the only thing he could think of, and took his phone out of his back pocket before hitting speed dial. 

“L-Corp, Lena speaking.”

“You didn’t check the caller I.D then, I’m guessing...?” Mon-El quickly left his room to talk to Lena in private, leaving Kara sprawled out on his bed.

“Mike? Fuck, sorry. I’m just really busy.”

“That’s okay… I uhh… wanted to maybe… ask a favour.”

“If it’s about Kara again, I don’t want to hear it. I swear on Rao, if you–“

“–It’s _important_ Lena. Please. Just hear me out.”

“I can’t, Mike. Seriously. Just. Just stop calling me.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No. I’m just… I’m busy and stressed. I don’t have time and I don’t approve of this shitshow you’ve got going on, okay? So would you just stop? I’m not helping you. Sort your shit out on your own. I don’t want to be involved.”

“Lena...“

“You're a big boy, Mike. You’ll figure something out...” Lena hung up, and once again Mon-El was stunned that he was met with a sudden dial tone in his ear with barely even a conversation with Lena. He knew she was a ruthless bitch, but he thought… he thought... whatever. He didn’t even know what he thought. 

 

*

 

Lena felt guilty that she’d thwarted Mike again over the phone. But she’d just reached to answer on the first ring without even thinking. She’d been… trying to distance herself from him. Maybe prove to anyone who could be watching that she didn’t have any weak spots. None whatsoever. And certainly no liabilities. Plus, she had plenty of shit to work out, so it wasn’t like she was lying. She _was_ busy and stressed. 

But… she suddenly felt bad for him that she couldn’t be there or ask what was going on – he sounded like he was really struggling. But this was Mike. He could handle it. Maybe he didn’t think he could, but that stupid boy could achieve more than he gave himself credit for. It wasn’t her problem.

Lena continued to stare at the phone in her hand, wondering if cutting him off really was the best thing to do right now. With everything going to shit all around her, she could use someone she actually trusted. But it was a risk she wasn’t willing to take. She needed to scope Rhea out while she was still away on her little getaway with Lar, sort out the Luthor-Corp disappearances, and find out what the hell she was going to do about the latest Frost-Zolomon thing that had just popped up out of no where. With Lillian STILL not taking her calls, (what the fuck), and random mishaps that seemed to be coming at her from all sides, she had a lot on her plate. None of this shit could really be trusted with anyone else. And having no one to turn to? Well, that was a half the stress in itself. She couldn’t rely on Mike when she was having raging suspicions about his own mother.

Usually, it would have taken her all of one discussion with Rhea to sort out her Zolomon problem, but with her growing suspicion about the Gand woman, asking favours right now didn’t seem to be the best power play. If Rhea really was planning something, trying to silently crush Luthor-Corp by stealing their power a little at a time, going to her would only prove that Lena’s confidence in her own men, weapons, and power, _had_ in fact been weakened. She needed to take care of it herself. Prove that she still had A-grade abilities to be self-reliant and confident with taking care of business. But unlike Rhea, she wasn’t one for straight up murder. What was she going to do, just go down there and eliminate them? She had no viable reason to get rid of them, not really, other than the fact that Zolomon nearly killed her once, and was a creep. A threateningly genius creep. 

Frost, she had at least some respect for... so storming down there Gand style wasn’t really in the cards. If Zolomon _actually_ made a move and threatened her life or the business, well, maybe then she would consider doing something about it... something that could be considered a bit unsavoury. She could justify self defense. But for now, she was well protected, back at home and the safety of the Luthor-Corp fortress. 

Planning someone's death wasn’t even something Lena actually had any experience with. Sure, she had knives, was great with a gun... But her style was more stealing something out from under someone's nose. Seduction. Drugs. Information. Occasional threats. The reputation to never cross a Luthor meant she’d never actually HAD to kill someone before. If the Luthors needed a favour, they could outsource it to the Gands, but it was never usually necessary to take a life. (You’d be surprised how easy it was to get your way when you had dirt on someone, dressed like a stripper, or just had a lot of money). Maybe all this power was actually an illusion, considering the predicament she found herself in. Though, she had no doubt the fear of the Luthors was very real. So long as the hierarchy of power stayed in place, it didn’t really matter how or why it did. Influence was influence, whether or not it was based in fact or fiction. 

Ugh, fuck. But now? With a very real threat and no one to turn to? What the HELL was she going to do? At least she could protect herself. Security at Luthor-Corp was stellar, as was that of her home. She could keep Zolomon away... But for now, she didn’t have a decent reason for a full-on assault. And for once, there was nothing she could give up to make the problem just go away. Zolomon didn’t want anything from her. No amount of money or feminine charm was going to sway him. He only wanted revenge. And if he came after her, well… it might very well end in a fight to the death. 

 

*

 

Kara outright refused to ‘see anyone,’ be that a doctor or any other form of medical professional. He’d tried many things, offering to take her to the park again, going to buy new paints for her art... hell, he’d even asked her if she wanted to go cuddle some puppies at the pet store. Who didn’t like puppies? (Kara, apparently.) Eventually, he had no choice but to give up, making her a hot chocolate and taking it back to his room where she was moping on top of his bed. 

“Whatever you are going to offer next, the answer is no.” Kara growled at him, hearing him re-enter the bedroom. 

“I was… it’s… it’s only hot chocolate. Even got a few marshmallows in there.”

“Oh.”

“But if you don’t want it…” Mon-El slumped as he accepted the flat out rejection and turned to leave.

“Wait.”

Mon-El turned and saw Kara had her eyes open, watching his (probably glum) facial expressions. 

“I’m sorry,” she admitted, moving to sit up and fiddle with her hands. “I just… don’t wanna do anything today.”

“Okay.” He shrugged. “I won’t pretend I know what’s going on. But I understand. We won’t do anything today.”

The rest of the afternoon was a bit of a haze, blurring into the next few days as well. Kara seemed to be slowly recovering, though she didn’t brighten up quite as much as Mon-El had hoped. She spent a lot of time staring out through the window, or sleeping, or drinking tea. But neither of them really did much over the days that followed. A few more days and he tried again, hoping to at least take Kara out to get some fresh air.

“How are you feeling today?” Mon-El asked as he approached Kara from behind, walking over to where she sat at the dining room table. She was staring into a mug of something she had made herself, gazing into it like it had the answer to all the mysteries of the universe.

“Kara?”

“I’m fine. I guess.” She spoke at her drink, not really acknowledging his presence. 

“Could I… maybe show you something today? It’s not far. Walking distance. Just… if you wanted to go outside a little bit.”

"I don't really–"

“ _Please?_ Please. I think you'll really like it." 

Kara shrugged. “Fine.”

Mon-El let her finish her drink before wrapping one of his coats over her shoulders, (rather than making her fetch one of her own), and opened the glass sliding door. He nodded outside, gesturing for her to follow. “Coming?”

“We are going out in the garden?”

“Sorta. There’s something I hadn’t got around to showing you yet.”

Kara got up from the table and joined him outside, waiting for him to shut the door and then show her where to go. She finally noticed the way he was carrying himself – discouraged and slumped shoulders, his hands in his pockets. She knew it was her fault – his foul mood. He was trying so hard to fix something he couldn’t fix – _her_. He didn’t understand that sometimes broken things were just too far gone. Still, she didn’t like to upset him. She swallowed the jagged glass in her throat and chose to stick her arms through the coat Mon-El had given her. It made it easier to walk, rather than wearing it like a cape, and meant she could close the buttons to try to warm up properly. Looking up to Mon-El, she waited for him to start leading the way. 

“Ready?”

“Mhhhhm,” she nodded, trailing after him as he began to weave through the garden. She ignored the weeds that had started to choke some of the other pretty flowers, and focused on putting one foot in front of the other – she felt dizzy all the time now, though it probably was just all in her head. She reached forward for Mon-El’s wrist, feeling him stop suddenly. Kara didn’t say anything as she drew his hand out of his pocket and gently forced his fingers apart. Settling her own fingers in the gaps, Mon-El immediately understood, and started walking on the grass to that she could walk on the path next to him comfortably.

“Where are we going, Mon?”

He shrugged. “Just to see the ocean. Up close. Would you like that?” 

“But... we are all the way up here? How will we get down the cliff?”

“There's some steps. Just along the ridge a bit. They are kinda dodgy, so I don’t use them often. But every once in a while…” He gripped her hand tighter, reassuring and warm. 

“Ok…” They walked slowly so Kara could rest her head on Mon-El’s shoulder, still not so sure of herself. They eventually got to the outer edges of Mon-El’s garden, passing through the gate in the hedge and out into the open area on the ridge. There wasn’t really a path or anything, so it must have been a while since he had come out here, other than to sit with her on the grass that one time. But he knew the way. After a few minutes, they found their way to some wooden stairs settled in the rock face – old and battered by the weather over the years. Mon-El let go of her hand suddenly, gesturing that she should use the single rail on the side for balance. 

“Promise it’s safer than it looks. Bit slippery when it’s damp, but we can sit on the rocks down there if you want?” 

Kara peered down to the rocky shoreline that was being enveloped in ocean spray at irregular intervals. The sound of it was actually heavenly – the distant crashing, that was somehow both chaotic and calm at the same time. She found she did want to see it up close – though the view from the top was fascinating and beautiful, too. 

“If you don’t want to, that’s cool. But sometimes it’s nice to just… forget about the rest of the world, you know? I thought you might like to see the ocean.” Mon-El shrugged, while Kara weighed up her decision. 

She wanted to see what it was like… right next to the crashing waves. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had experienced the ocean up close. The coast looked rough and unsettled – grey under the overcast weather. “Can you go first?” She wanted to see it, but didn’t really trust her own feet. 

Mon-El chuckled. “Of course.” 

They took their time descending from the ridge. Mon-El helped her over the bits where some stairs had fallen through, or rusted nails were sticking up from the walkway which had deteriorated over time. When they were nearing the bottom, Kara felt her hair suddenly pick up off her shoulders, a hint of salt washing over her senses. The air was fresh and cold against her skin, causing her to lift her hand up and just feel the thin spray of the ocean floating up to them. A moment or two passed before she continued to make her way down the last of the steps, which led to uneven rock at the bottom. There was no sand, no stony beach, no shells. Just clay and rock that fell away into the sea. She always thought there was meant to be beach next to the ocean, but perhaps the pictures in her mind weren’t quite right. This wasn’t really what she’d imagined.

“Want to pick a spot?” Mon-El attempted a small smile, pulling her from her thoughts. 

“How about up there?” Kara pointed to where a collection of jagged rock came to a small point perched over the waves, a rhythmic flow slamming near its edge.

“Might get soaked if a big enough wave comes in…” Mon-El chuckled and started crossing various crevices and gaps between the uneven surface, making his way over to where she had pointed. 

She found it was easy enough to navigate the small clusters of ocean puddles and looked up to notice they were almost in a valley of sorts, the ocean having carved out a path for itself in the landscape. She looked over her shoulder to try see Mon-El’s house, but it was blocked by the cliff face from this particular angle. Wow... It was high. She could see why Mon-El chose to live on the coast. It was quiet and undisturbed. Untouched by anyone else. She felt herself growing even more distant from the world as she struggled to jump over a gap to a rock, and then another, following after Mon-El again. 

She let out a small squeak as she slipped and caught herself, her boots not really designed for hiking over wet stone. 

“You okay back there?”

“Fine.” She called back. She was hopelessly slow. But she continued to venture out towards the spot she had picked, until she was able to pull herself up next to Mon-El and clamber down to sit next to him. 

They sat in silence and just enjoyed the view for a while. Kara liked that about Mon-El. He tried to make sure she was okay, but never forced conversation or made her talk if she didn’t feel like it. It was more comfortable that way, without any pressure to think or process anything. She could just be. 

“This is really nice,” Kara whispered, afraid to disturb the landscape by talking too loudly. She liked the rawness of the landscape. The dull colours. The battering of waves against rock. It was… so different... from what she was used to. “Do you come down here often?” Kara asked.

“Not really.” Mon-El tugged at his jacket, mulling over whether or not to ask Kara what was going on. "I had hoped you’d like it.” He ran a hand over his stubble, still considering how best to breach the topic of Kara’s… mood, as of late. Maybe he should just wait. If she didn’t want to open up to him.... 

“...I’ll tell you. I will. Just not… not yet.” Kara spoke as if reading his mind, biting down on her lip. Her expression conveyed that she was begging him to understand – begging him to give her more time before asking her to explain. 

“I didn’t…” He trailed off. He hadn’t asked. But she somehow knew he was going to. 

“When do you have to go back to work?” Kara attempted at least some small talk. She knew he was probably pushing it by leaving his post for so long to make sure she was well cared for. 

“Uhh. Just whenever, I guess.” He shrugged. His parents were back now, so he should probably make an appearance or two. But by now, surely they knew he had been slacking off. He was never around anymore, barely. Didn’t stay late. Didn’t stop by for family dinners or Friday night work drinks at Daxam. With that and not attending Draaga, he’d be surprised if there weren’t a few questions going around as to his whereabouts floating among his colleagues as well. Still, he could get off easily just because of who he was. For all they knew, he was jetting over to the Maldives in his spare time. He wasn’t really sure what everyone thought of him anymore… he was kind of out of touch with all that recently. 

Still, he didn’t really care anymore. It was never really his thing anyway. 

 

*

 

Kara continued to eat her rather late lunch slowly while Mon-El started cleaning up. She had still been a bit weird with food over the last couple of days, taking a small bite here and there, but more just messing around with it on her plate. "Thank you. For… being really… good to me.”

Mon-El dried the pan and returned it to its place under the stovetop before turning around. “It’s no big deal.” He shrugged, pouring himself a drink. 

“Can I have one of those?”

“I don’t really want you forming a habit with this stuff, you know…”

“So that’s like... a no?”

“It’s just a… ‘I care about you, but I don’t know what you’re going through right now’”.

“Oh.”

“Did you want to tell me about it?” Mon-El finally decided to just ask, while also making Kara a light cocktail. 

“Memories.” It was all she said. Just one word.

“Why now? Do you know? Or is it just… kinda... happening?”

“I dunno.” She dropped her fork loudly onto her plate and slumped down in her chair. She clearly didn’t want to talk about it, so Mon-El dropped the topic and pushed the cocktail he’d finished making towards her. 

“If there is anything I can do to help – anything at all. Please just ask, okay?”

“It’s fine, Mon-El. You’ve done enough.”

He sighed and navigated his way around the counter to sit next to her. “I just... don’t feel like I’m helping.”

“Mon. I’m okay.” Kara looked up at him to affirm her words with her eyes.

He sighed and reached out to her, pushing her hair back behind her ear. “You’re just. You’re really special. Okay? I don’t like seeing you like this..."

Kara brought her hand up to place on Mon-El’s wrist, leaning her cheek into her hand. “I’ll be alright. I don’t need anything more from you. Honest.” She tried to make him understand. Understand that she was broken. There wasn’t anything he could do about that. She leaned towards him to place a light peck on his lips, kinda liking thy way scotch tasted on him. It was enough for now. Just a little show of affection to express that she was content with him, even if she seemed a little despondent.

 "Bed soon?” Mon-El asked.

“Can we cuddle on the couch instead?” Kara pulled herself away from him to turn her attention to her cocktail. But the couch was her safe place now. She liked falling asleep next to him. 

“Sure. For a lil while.”

“We should watch that movie again. I kinda missed it the first time.”

“Me too,” Mon-El laughed. "I don’t think I even saw the opening credits." 

“I just wanna take a shower first. I feel kinda salty.”

“Was nice though, huh?”

“Yeah. You live in a really nice place. I see why you like it here.”

“It’s not terrible…” He winked, hoping maybe Kara’s playfulness was returning. 

“Could do with a spa.” Kara sparred back. “You’re rich enough...”

“Hah. Maybe I’ll take you out to The Grand Hotel sometime."

 

*

 

They had fallen asleep on the couch, and Kara could feel an arm around her waist, smoothing around her middle. She was dozing off but barely awake, feeling Mon-El's grip getting a little tighter. But then the pressure increased a little too much, tugging her, and Kara's eyes snapped open, just as a hand clasped over her mouth. 

It wasn’t Mon-El. 

“MMMMMMMmmM!” She thrashed about until she could finally wake him. “MON-EL!”

Mon-El shot up from his place slumbering on the couch, immediately woken by Kara who was probably having another nightmare. He quickly opened his eyes and reached for her, only to see she was struggling against a man dragging her away from him. 

“Don’t you **_TOUCH HER!!!_** ” He growled and leapt forward, but was quickly grabbed from behind.

“NO!!” Kara screamed as she was ripped from her place beside Mon-El, two strong hands around her waist dragging her away from him.

“KARA!!” Mon-El threw one of the men off his back, hearing Kara screaming for him as he knocked the gun out of another’s hand. It clattered to the floor while he scrambled after her, feeling his feet kicked out from underneath him.

“ _MON-EL!!_ ”

“ARGH!!” He growled as he hit the floor, viscously flinging his body weight to trip the intruder above him onto the ground as well, gasping as he wrestled against a strong figure wearing black over his face. Hands gripped around his throat but Mon-El managed to swipe a pen off the coffee table and stick it in the side of his enemies neck with just enough force to make him falter and let go. It gave Mon-El the opportunity to throw a right hook to his jaw and then knock him out cold. He scrambled to his feet, when two others descended on him, locking his arms behind his back as he threw his weight around and another punched him in the gut.

"MON-EL, _PLEASE!_ "

He couldn't get to her, busy kicking himself free from the hold of three men "FIGHT BACK, KARA!"

“ _MON-ELL!!!_ ”

FUCK! He wasn’t going to lose her. Not again. If he had to take down six fuckers all by himself, so be it. He groaned as he felt a knife graze his thigh, getting really sick of this kind of shit. The cold metal of a gun slammed into the side of his skull, shooting a white spark across his vision. He fell down, but quickly reached for a chair and threw it hard against one of the dark figures above him. 

“PLEASE DON’T LET THEM TAKE ME! _MON-EL!!!_ ”

He could hear Kara’s screams ringing in his ears, fading as she was dragged outside of the house by her hair. HIS HOME! FUCK THEM! 

Mon-El kicked one of the men in the shin, and then shoved himself backwards until he felt the two behind him slamming into the wall. Pressing back even more, he managed to get them in an awkward enough position that one had to let go, leaving an opening for Mon-El to slam his elbow hard into someones' stomach. Using his free hand, he reached for whatever was closest, snapped fingers until he heard them crack, and then shoved the base of his palm upwards against someone's jaw. There was so much movement he couldn’t keep up with his own instincts, just lashing out at whatever was nearest to him. 

“Just give it up man. There are seven of us. And only one of you. She will be long gone before you even–“

“ARGHH!!!” Mon-El slammed his head back startling one of his attackers enough to deck him in the nose with his elbow, while trying to get free from the others. He bashed his fist at jaws and throats, panting and struggling. “You ever been to DRAAGA BEFORE?!” He roared, throwing one of the men down into another, seeing both of them collide into each other and hit the corner of a wall. There were too many of them. Screw this bullshit!

 

*

 

Kara felt that all around her, the world was ending. It was happening again. It was all happening again. 

Life was like that – full of circles and cycles and loops. Her pain had a way of always finding its way back to her. In nightmares. In surprise meetings. In broken promises. 

She tried to fight it this time, but as always, she was weak and frightened. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping her kicking and screetching, the pounding terror in her ears and limbs giving her hell. Why was this happening? Why was she being taken away again?

“Please.” She whimpered, hoping that against all odds this really was just another one of her night terrors. 

“Keep walking or I’ll fucking drag you down the concrete.” 

The inward pressure around her vision was rolling over her in waves, crushing with each breath. Somehow she managed to stay upright. But she wasn’t sure it would last. She felt herself cracking around the edges, pieces of her falling off the more she realized that this was real. She was being taken away again. Ripped from a place she could maybe call home. 

Kara suddenly heard three shots go off inside and screamed. "NO!!” 

_Three._

Three gunshots. Each sound cut through her ribs as her entire world collapsed... Again.

 

 _One._  Jeremiah.

Her father. Her protector. Her comfort.

 

 _Two._ Eliza.

Her mother. Her guardian angel. Her healer. 

 

 _Three._ Alex. Her sister. Her role model. Her best friend. 

 

Kara's heart collapsed with her vision, and everything in her just stopped. She was floating then, barely awake. It was too much. She just felt terror.

And pain.

And darkness... 

 

\---

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND.... that's a wrap on part 1! What kind of season finale would it be without a mad cliffhanger? (Can I call it that. What do writers call season finales? LOL. anyway.) 
> 
> Sure, you hate me right now. But... you'll have to read Part 2, won't you ;). 
> 
> Thank you all so so so much for reading and commenting on my work so far. I'll be posting again after a hiatus. Lion is my big project so it's not going anywhere and won't be abandoned. I've been writing this for nearly a year now, so it takes some time. BUT THANKYOU for sharing this with me. And especially to my beautiful beta. Her support is the only reason I am able to complete this. Yall are amazing, and I can't wait to share Part 2 with you. It's going to be very very different from part 1. It's goin places. Okay. Stellar. 
> 
> Catch you all soon. I'll be updating Shapeshifter this weekend too. xoxox


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